Hello out there, it's Emily (again).  This is my episode addition/backstory contribtion. I wondered how Tom could go from fantasizing about the Delaneys in one episode, to hitting on B'Elanna in the next.  This is my idea of what could have happened.  I guess you could say it's a prequel to His Idea and No Carpenter.  Which Page by Emily GardnerSummary:  After the events in The Chute Tom can't sleep and ends up talking with B'Elanna.  Rated PG/PG-13 for some bad language.Comments, questions, 10 page papers on Greek Art can be sent to me at Whammy42@usa.netYeah, and none of these people belong to me.  Away put your weapons, I mean you no harm.The line B'Elanna misquotes (well, more like paraphrases) is from Hamlet Act II scene 2.Oh, I'd like to dedicate this to Cerise, JoAnna, Julie, and Tima, who took a second to say hi, it really meant a lot to me, thanks.****************************"You know she's an open book, but you don't know which page to turn to." - Cake****************************     Tom Paris wanted to lose himself.  He didn't care what in.  He wanted to lose himself in Harry's youth, Kes's smile, Meg's body.  He wanted to fly.  But Harry, despite his worries, was asleep, as was Kes, and these days Meg was sharing her bed with someone else.  And flying... was not an option right now.  So Tom Paris, best damn pilot in the quadrant, was alone with himself.     He couldn't sleep.     Every time he closed his eyes he was back there.  The only problem was there keep changing.  New Zealand, the chute, his parent's backyard, Caldak Prime.  He was everywhere he'd ever fucked up.  And the memories would not leave him alone.  Each memory lead to a new thing Tom wanted to forget.  He tossed and turned though the trial Starfleet had given him, the shiv in his stomach from a few days ago, and even the time in the third grade he called Losa Grodew a fat bitch not worthy of friends.  He felt like some one had recorded all of those moments for the sole purpose of playing them now.  Tom Paris: highlights from a wasted life.  It was a bad show, one he didn't feel like sitting through.      He couldn't sleep.     Sandrine's was up and running, but once he got there Tom didn't feel like socializing.  And for the first time, the holo-characters didn't seem real.  All of the sudden they were evidence of his inability to live his life.  Holo... Hollow.       "What," he thought to himself "am I so pathetic that I'm most comfortable with people who I have to program to like me?"     He wandered the halls feeling sorry for himself.     He couldn't sleep.     Nearly a year and a half later, drawing constellations on her back while she slept, Tom would wonder just what drew him to Engineering that night.  Maybe they were just supposed to be together.  It was as close to fate as he allowed himself to get.  But that night he did go to Engineering.  And it did change his life.     She was there, Chakotay's pet Klingon.  Once the thought formed he mentally chastised himself.  He hadn't called her that, even in his mind since the first couple weeks on Voyager.  She was conducting some sort of experiment or repairs or something.  Half of the engineering crew was there too.  Even people like Vorick, Bristow, and Nicoletti, who he knew had to be off by now, were there.  He watched.     B'Elanna Torres was annoyed.  It was obvious in her voice as she relayed orders to her team.  "Just try it," she barely ground out past teeth and restraint, "just try it, that's an order."     People swarmed around her and she watched with her emotions all to clear on her face.  She was mad.  She was nervous.  Vorick announced that the numbers had begun to climb, and there was quiet rejoicing through out Engineering.  B'Elanna just smiled.     "All right," some one called from the mass of people "does this mean we're free Lieutenant?"      "Yes," she answered "dismissed, go, get out of here."  She watched as the people who were not on shift filtered out.  "But I do expect everyone who's on in the morning to be on time."  B'Elanna tapped the combage on her chest "It worked captain, warp is back online and should stay back online."      "Good work B'Elanna, keep me informed.  Janeway out."      Tom absently wondered if these two women ever slept.      Carey seemed almost afraid to approach Torres.  "So, does this mean you're ready to turn over the shift?"      "Yeah. I just want to work with these numbers, they're better now, but they're still not where they need to be."     Carey almost laughed.  "Hey, Lieutenant, relax, everything is up and working."     Vorick, who had not left yet, pushed in "Yes, Lieutenant, perhaps you should get some rest."     B'Elanna fixed him with her best dirty look.  "I thought I dismissed you Ensign, there's the door, use it."     He calmly gave an aye sir and left.      B'Elanna turned back to Carey.  "This is just a Band-Aid, Joe.  We're going to be in big trouble if we don't get the core refitted with in the year.  Less if we run into trouble, which I'm sure we will."    He backed away with his palms raised "Sorry I said anything.  I just thought you could use less thirty hour days, that's all."      B'Elanna didn't think her night could get any worse, then she saw Paris.  "What are you doing here?"  She asked with only slightly more venom than she intended.     "Just taking a walk Torres, I didn't know Engineering was off limits."     "I'm sorry," she half lied "It's been a hard day."     "I know the feeling."  He gave her his best ironic smile.  He found himself suddenly glad that she did not offer the same pity as everyone else.  "Why don't you get some shut eye?"     "Why don't you?"  She asked with out even looking up from her work.     "If I slept, darling" he drawled "then I'd miss your glowing company."      She refused to be baited.  "Go to bed, Tom.  You need the rest as much as anyone, probably more."      Her sudden left-handed compassion threw Tom for a loop.  It hit a little too close to home.  The last person he expected sympathy from was Torres.  "What's that supposed to mean?"     She finally looked up from the console.  "From what Harry said that prison was not the type of place you slept soundly in."     For some reason that surprised and angered him.  "You talked to Harry?"  Jealousy raged in his stomach.  He just wasn't sure what he was jealous of, Harry for finding peace, the idea that maybe B'Elanna had been able to give it him, their friendship or what ever else their relationship was.  Maybe he was jealous of Harry because he was able to sleep.       She nodded silently, still looking onto his eyes.  For a moment he got a flash of something, some hidden secret, something she wasn't telling him.  It only fueled the jealousy.  Tom remembered something Harry had said early in their exile.  He had said, in a moment of frustration, that if he were ever to become interested in anyone on Voyager that it would probably be Torres.  At the time the comment had meant nothing to Tom.  He had only shaken his head at his friend's naiveté, not only did Torres have some sort of thing for Chakotay, but she didn't exactly seem like the type of person you could have fun with.  Now that comment, and this, and the way they seemed when they were working on something, drove him mad.  He wanted her.  He wanted her badly.     The idea disgusted him.  Not that B'Elanna was disgusting, she was very attractive, more so now that he knew her a little bit better, but the idea that he would only want her because his friend did.  And how could he hurt his friend?  The man who had just proven to be the best friend he'd ever had, would ever have.  After Harry had just saved his life.  Some dark part of Tom's mind wanted to regain the power in their relationship.  Somewhere inside Tom felt that he had to be the smart one, the guy with the upper hand again.     And where did that leave B'Elanna?  He thought of that time in the Vidiian caves, her concern over his "attitude problem" when he was playing spy.  Tom genuinely liked her now; and despite their sparing he didn't hesitate to call her a friend. He wondered if he could hurt two of the people he was closest to.     Tom realized he must have been silent for a while, B'Elanna was looking at him like he had grown another head.  "You okay Paris?  You look kind of green."     "Yeah, I just can't sleep."     B'Elanna seemed to think for a moment.  "I could be bounded in a nut shell, and think myself a king of infinite space if I didn't have bad dreams."     Tom let a laugh.  "If there was one thing I didn't expect from you it was a quote from Hamlet."     "Oh, is that what that's from?"     "You didn't know?"      She shook her head.  "It's something Chakotay said to me when we caught each other wandering the halls on his ship.  I asked him why he was still up and that's what he said.  When I asked him what it was from he was so disgusted he wouldn't tell me.  He just said I should read more.  Like I ever had the time."     "Well it's from Shakespeare's Hamlet."     She lightly punched his arm.  "I might not know Hamlet well enough to quote it, but I do know who wrote it."     "Okay" Tom countered.  "I'm sorry."  He retreated into a smile for a moment.  "You know, I can't seem to imagine Chakotay running around quoting Shakespeare."     "B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders.  "When he's worried he'll say just about anything to keep from using his own words."      Tom stepped closer to her, so he could use his height.  "You two are pretty close aren't you."     She refused to back away.  "Of course, we're friends."     He put his hand on her elbow, her eyes tracked his movement.  "Chakotay, Harry, Bristow, you sure have a lot of friends on this ship."  He took a step closer and moved in to kiss her.     "Are you trying to get your jaw broken," she twisted his arm "or would you prefer it if I broke your arm."  She could feel herself begin cross the line.  She had only meant to make it hurt, but she wanted to follow through so badly.  His arm would give such a satisfying crack...       He didn't fight.  He just stood there and let her twist his arm; he wanted to feel pain.  He knew that now, that's why he had provoked her.  Maybe a broken arm would be penance enough for all that wasted time, for his thoughts earlier, for wanting to hurt his friends.     She stopped and let go of his arm.  "Once a pig, always a pig."  She turned away from him and went back to her calculations.      "Look," he begged "I'm sorry."     "Why?" She asked with out even looking up.  "You can't help what you are."        "I'd like to try."     He had meant to placate her with his words, but they only made her more angry.  She laughed at him.  "No you don't.  You love being a pig. Admit it."     "Well we all can't be as wonderful as you Torres."     "That's absolutely right."  She dismissed him with her tone and went back to her work.     Tom was having none of that.  "Hey, do you want a drink?"     "Where did that come from?"     "The blue."  He replied cheerfully     She didn't honor his question with so much as a second's thought.  "I am not getting a drink with you.  I have work to do."     "Simple, I'll bring you back something."     "No thank you."     He wouldn't take no for an answer.  "Not even some coffee?"     She turned the force of her gaze on him.  "Damn it Paris, what is with you?  First you're defensive, then condescending, then smug, and all of the sudden you're Mister Nice Guy?  Stop wasting my time playing all these stupid games.  If you want company or a shoulder to cry on you've come to the wrong person, if you want to know what I told Harry, just ask me."      Tom was humbled, he crossed his arms.  "Okay, what did you tell Harry that made him able to go to sleep?"     Her voice got very low and hurried almost passionate.  "I told him to take a long hot shower with lots of soap and shampoo and whatever so he would feel and smell really clean.  I told him to maybe light some candles in his quarters so the room smelled good and warm, not at all like a prison.  I told him to fill his head with the words of some song or some holovid, or maybe concentrate on the notes of some really complicated piece of music to keep his mind occupied so he could sleep."  She turned quietly hostile, "That's my advice okay?  Now go to bed and leave me alone.  I have work to do."      She surprised him.  "When were you in prison?"  He asked quietly.     Torres wheeled on him.  "Where do you get off-"     He didn't give her a chance to finish.  "I was just asking-"     All of the sudden something inside her decided to tell him.  She cut him off, afraid that if she didn't talk right away she'd lose her nerve.  "It was after I left the Academy, but before I was in the Maquis.  I was with these smugglers, it wasn't political I just needed a lift, you know.  But we strayed to close to the border and we got picked up.  The Cardassians thought I was some kind of spy.  I guess they found out I had been at the Academy.  When I... When they figured they couldn't get anything out of me they put me with one of the more heavily guarded work groups.  It just so happened that the group was primarily made up of Maquis.  And some other Maquis mounted a rescue attempt for their people; I was in the right place at the right time.  Luckily there was a problem with the propulsion systems-"     "Luckily?"     "Well, I fixed it.  The next thing I knew I had a family and a fight and a chance to get the monsters for what they did to me."      Tom had never heard that story before.  He found himself wanting her again.  This time the desire felt cleaner.  He wanted to know her, wanted her to know him.  He felt that maybe she could know him better than anyone on this whole ship.  More than anything Tom wanted to be understood.  And he felt that B'Elanna could.  "You were lucky.  I've heard that it's nearly impossible to escape a Cardassian prison."      "They let us go.  I know that now."      "What-?"      "Seska was thrown into our work group about a week before we escaped.  They had to know the Maquis would try.  They put a whole bunch of leaders in the same place.  Now that I think about it, they probably sabotaged the ship.  Seska knew what was wrong way too soon.  She had a good idea how to fix it, but mine was better."  She shook away the memory and went back to her numbers.      He didn't want the conversation to end there.  "You never told me any of this before."     She stretched.  "You've never seen me this tried before."     "Why don't you get some rest?"     "There's work I have to do."  She said it so simply, as if it was one of the world's most obvious truths.       He pulled slightly at one of her sleeves.  "Come on, let me buy you that drink."     She stood fast.  "No."     "Jeez, B'Elanna. Why won't you let me buy you a drink?"     "Why are you so determined to buy me one."     He hesitated, playing with the edge of the console.  "Maybe I want to thank you for being honest with me, and maybe I want to thank you for your advice."     She turned back to her work.  "My friendship is free Tom."      "Okay, then maybe I like talking to you and maybe I want to hear more about your escape."     She seemed to laugh.  "Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to talk about it anymore.  Maybe you should get some sleep."      Tom decided he like this game.  "Maybe you should get some sleep."     She shook her head and returned to her numbers.  This time when he tried to talk to her she just ignored him.  But she did watch as he left Engineering.  She wondered why she was so rude, when she wanted nothing more than to have him stay.     Tom Paris took a hot shower.  He lit candles in his quarters.  He lay in bed, and thought about B'Elanna.  He prayed that there wasn't anything between her and Harry, he didn't think there was.  Harry couldn't hide something like that for so long.  Tom prepared how he would slyly ask his friend.  He thought about B'Elanna.  He practiced how he would ask her out. He remembered a portion of an old conversation.  A bunch of people had been talking about the Academy and B'Elanna had mentioned that thing that effected her the most was the water.  There were no oceans or lakes near where she grew up.  He would ask her someplace with water then.  Perhaps the waterfalls on Oriuos IV or maybe she'd like to go sailing on Lake Como.     He slept.