Trials 3: Torres' Trials (or Trails as Ann always types!)TRIALS THREE: TORRES' TRIALSBy TerriTrek@aol.comVOY Trials Series, P/T, K/fPG13 for mature themesDisclaimer: Paramount owns the entire Star Trek Universe and all the characters withinit---except for the ones the fans have created. This story and Shadow and Dishon are mine. EthanSimms, Janine Lamont, and Mikel Hudson are inventions of the PT Collective. This story is forfun, not profit, and its purpose to provide an outlet for creativity.This story may be archived in the A.S.C. archive. Please do not distribute without this headerand my permission. Remember feedback is important to authors. Without it, we become discouragedand stop writing. Which means you stop reading. Comments, compliments, and character analysesare welcome. Criticism (non-constructive, flames) and character assassination will be relegatedto File 13, Area 51. Please provide detailed feedback if possible. TerriTrek@aol.comThis is the third in a series:TRIALS ONE: Tom's TrialsTRIALS TWO: Harry's TrialsTRIALS THREE: Torres' Trials***************************TORRES' TRIALSChief Engineer B'Elanna Torres of the Federation Starship Voyager was not in a very good mood.She wasn't even sure she'd recognize a good mood. It had been over six weeks since she'd had onethat lasted more than twenty minutes. That was when she'd decided to stop seeing Tom Parissocially. Though they'd since mutually decided that had been a mistake, things still weren'tquite the same as before.She peered through a microscope at a burned, melted piece of material and muttered severalKlingon curses and epithets under her breath. It was at times like these she was glad that noone else in Engineering spoke Klingon. That meant she didn't have to censor herself."There's nothing left to look at!" she grumbled, sitting back in her chair.Lieutenant Joe Carey looked up from his work at a nearby console, unsure if she was addressinghim or continuing her monologue.She waved a hand at him. "Nothing. I can't tell a thing from looking at the power couplingsafter they've fused. We're no closer to solving this than we were two weeks ago."The problem had first come to their attention with a minor disaster. From evidence piecedtogether by Carey, a power coupling had fused, causing a short which caused a power converter tooverload which in turn ignited a plasma leak---all of which resulted in a hull breach in CargoBay 1---resulting in injury to Crewman Gerron, Crewman Shadow, and Lieutenant Tom Paris, andcausing the death of Crewman Niko Dishon. Since that time, power couplings all over the shiphad been giving up the ghost at a higher rate than was normal for obsolescence to be a factor.Two weeks later, B'Elanna Torres and her crew were no closer to solving the riddle. It annoyedher. And her frustration with being unable to resolve the problem, resulted in her bad mood.She sighed deeply. Her mind had been hashing and rehashing every possible technical foul-up thatcould cause failure or overload in the power couplings. She was fresh out of ideas. So was therest of her staff.She glanced carelessly at the chronometer, then snapped to attention. She had a date with TomParis in less than thirty minutes. She'd gotten busy and lost track of time---as usual. "Carey,think of something! The power couplings are critical!""Working on it, Lieutenant," her chief assistant replied calmly, used to such outbursts by now.He returned his attention to his own station.She dashed out of Engineering, heading straight for her quarters. She could use a littlerelaxation with the charming helmsman of Voyager. Kahless knew she needed to get her mind offthose lousy power couplings! And her relationship with Tom was the only positive note in thelast six weeks. They were growing closer, getting to know each other beyond the superficial. Orat least she hoped they were.Sometimes she felt that Tom was holding her at arm's length, letting her get only so close---butnot too close. Except physically. Physically, they were very affectionate with each other. Andvery compatible. Though they hadn't taken the physical side of their relationship too far. Eachof them was half afraid to become intimate---it would change their relationship irrevocably.Torres wasn't sure how to interpret his behavior. It was as if Tom was distancing himself fromher emotionally, but wanted her physically close. Sometimes she even felt he was using displaysof affection to distract her---to keep her from getting too close emotionally.The idea bothered her. Maybe she should talk to him about it? Again.**********Walter Baxter was standing outside Cargo Bay One looking distressed when Ensign George Natwickcame striding by on his way to work out in the gym. Baxter needed advice from someone andNatwick was the only one in sight. Slight help was better than no help at all. "George! I needto ask you something.""What?""Listen, I know you're kind of a friend of hers so you might know---.""Get to the point, Baxter. I want to work out before I start my new class this evening," Natwickgrowled, restlessly flicking his towel at the wall."Well, Malista Shadow came into the Cargo Bay a little while ago, and she seemed to be fine. Shewas working on a cargo lifter one minute, the next minute I turn around and she's sitting on thefloor crying. I don't know what to do. I tried to talk to her, but she just ignored me. Whoshould I call? Sickbay? Commander Chakotay? He's been counseling her. The captain? Who should Icall?""Baxter, you just don't have a clue. Don't you listen to the ship's gossip? It's Beta shiftright? He should be off duty by now." Natwick slapped his commbadge. "Ensign Natwick to EnsignKim.""Kim here. Go ahead." From the background noise, Harry Kim was in the turbolift."Kim, you're needed in Cargo Bay One. As soon as possible.""Needed for what?"Natwick replied, "Malista's down here and pretty upset according to Baxter.""Be right there! Kim out." He must have rerouted the turbolift. He was at the Cargo Bay doorsin less than two minutes.Baxter and Natwick were still standing in the corridor. Natwick handed Kim a box of tissueshe'd procured from a nearby storage facility. "You'll probably need these, little one," he saidand walked away with his usual strut."Thanks, George!" Kim stared with surprise at the tissues. Just when he was ready to writeNatwick off as a Neanderthal, insensitive jerk---he'd do something thoughtful---then he'd ruinit by taking a potshot at Kim. Who could figure this guy out? Aw, who wanted to!?Harry brushed by Baxter and into the Cargo Bay. He found Malista sitting cross-legged on thefloor near the outside bulkhead. She was rocking back and forth, her face covered by her hands,as she cried silently, sobs racking her body. She was facing the patched place on the bulkhead.The exact place where a hull breach had caused the death of her best friend, Niko Dishon, andhad almost killed Malista, Tom Paris, and Gerron."Malista," he said softly, to announce his presence and avoid startling her. She didn't respond.Harry let himself down on the floor next to her, slipping his arm around her back. As soon as hetouched her, she threw her arms around him and rested her head on his chest as she sobbed. Thehand on her back patted gently. With the other hand, he presented the box of tissues. Sheseized a few and began mopping her face and blowing her nose.After a few minutes of this, the tears slowed to a trickle. She tried hiding her face behind hershoulder-length hair. "I must l-l-look awful," she stuttered soggily. "And I g-g-got youruniform all w-w-wet!""That's okay. Now, want to talk about it?" Harry said calmly.She closed her eyes. "Not really. I think---it all just caught up with me. Niko--- I don't thinkI even cried for him before. When I came in here---""The first time since the accident?" Kim prompted gently."Yes. I know it's been almost two months---""Time doesn't matter when it comes to grieving," he said. "A lot of people can't or don't reactat the time of the death. They're in shock or having to cope with other things. When you losesomeone you care about---any little thing can remind you---and all of a sudden, you feel just asbad as when it first happened."She blinked up at him, her dark green eyes glistening like rain-drenched leaves. "How did youknow?"He smiled faintly. "I've been through it myself. When my grandmother died.She was very special to me. Two years after her funeral, I walked into a bakery and caught thescent of gingerbread---and I wanted to cry because I knew she'd---that's when I finallyrealized--- she was really gone. She wouldn't be making gingerbread men with me any more." Hisown eyes were filling with tears. One spilled over and trickled down his cheek.Malista caught it on her finger and wiped it away. "Thanks, Harry. I appreciate your sharingthat with me. I'm glad I'm not the only one with delayed reactions.""It takes time," Harry said. He almost smiled as she made an impatient noise. "I know. You'veheard that from Tom---and Chakotay---and B'Elanna---and me---but that doesn't make it less true.There's some truth to the saying that time heals all wounds. Just take your time. You've had alot of adjustments to make. But remember, you don't have to face everything on your own. I'mhere if you need me. Tom will help you---whether you want him to or not, since he's appointedhimself your older brother. And if you need a woman's touch, B'Elanna or Captain Janeway or Keswould lend you an ear. Just stay away from the Delaneys and their advice," Kim warned mockingly.He hadn't been happy with the Delaneys since they had aided and abetted Malista in a plan todrive him insane with jealousy---and done a damned good job of it, too. He got up and helpedher to her feet."Oh, gosh. What did Baxter tell you when he called you?" she asked, suddenly realizing from herstiffness how long she must have been sitting there."I think you scared Baxter," Harry teased, slipping his arm around her back as they walkedtoward the exit. "Actually, he didn't call me. Natwick did.""George Natwick?" She was dumbfounded.Harry held up the box of tissues. "He even provided these. There's evidently more to the manthan just muscles. You know, I think he really likes you." He watched carefully for herreaction. He knew it was silly for him to feel---jealous--- but---somehow he couldn't help it.It wasn't the first time he'd felt jealous of this woman. He'd never been this jealous orpossessive with Libby. He was beginning to wonder what was wrong with him.Malista's eyebrows rose then fell into a frown. "If George Natwick likes me, he has a funny wayof showing it. First he scares me out of my mind, then he tries to embarrass me to death at thatparty---I don't think so, Harry." She almost never contradicted Harry. Somehow it made him feelbetter. She looked down self-consciously as they passed Baxter on their way out into thecorridor. Harry smiled at the man, grateful that he'd been concerned enough for Malista to seekhelp."Where are we going?" Harry asked as they turned around the corner."To my quarters," Malista said. "I have to---clean up. I'm not going to be seen in publiclooking like this."Harry studied her expression suspiciously. "How do I know this isn't part of some nefarious planto get me alone? In your quarters? Alone?""You said alone twice," Malista pointed out."I was using repetition for emphasis," Kim explained kindly. Tom Paris' sense of humor wasdefinitely rubbing off on him."Oh.""Well?""Well, what?" she asked."Well, is this part of some nefarious plan to get me alone in your quarters so you can takeadvantage of me?" Harry elucidated.She wrinkled her nose at him. "No.""Why not?" he demanded, trying to look crushed.She checked the chronometer on her wrist. "Because we're supposed to meet Tom and B'Elanna infifteen minutes.""No nefarious plan?" Harry said with exaggerated disappointment."No. Not in only fifteen minutes," she added. "My nefarious plans usually take several hours toplay themselves out."Harry perked up. "Really?"Malista entered the keycode to her quarters. "Why don't you go get out of uniform and meet meback here in ten minutes?""But when---?""After dinner?" She smiled at him mischievously. "Once we leave Tom and B'Elanna to their owndevices, we can continue with life lesson number---three?""Oh, yes! Ten minutes, ma'am!" Harry dashed out of sight.Malista looked once more at her chronometer. "Yikes!" She dashed for the shower.****************Tom Paris was exactly on time---as usual. B'Elanna Torres was running late---as usual. Shegreeted him at the door of her quarters wearing her maroon robe, hair brush in hand. "I'll justbe a minute. Come in and sit down," she said quickly, as she retreated to her dressing area.Tom noticed with amusement that she was barefoot. She had cute toes. He wondered idly if sheever painted her toenails. He strolled in, taking his time as he toured her living area with hiseyes. True, he'd been in her cabin before---a month or so ago, but without B'Elanna's nearnessto distract him, he was capable of noticing more details. A stone statue on the table---that wasnew. He sat on the couch and examined it more closely. Some kind of predatory bird. The carvingwas exquisitely detailed in blue Alatiran marble. The feathers looked as if they would be softto the touch, the eyes of the bird alert---quite an accomplishment for the artist. "Where didyou get this?" he called out."What?" she answered, her voice slightly breathless as she searched frantically for her othershoe under her bed."The carving of the bird," he specified. "It's beautiful.""Oh, it was a birthday gift from Chakotay. It's an eagle, a Terran bird."Now he remembered. He'd overheard Chakotay talking with Janeway about his gift for B'Elanna, buthe didn't remember seeing it before. It must have been longer than he'd thought since he'd beenin her cabin. "Did he replicate it?"She appeared in the doorway, every hair in place, wearing a red vee-necked tee-shirt, matchingcasual slacks, and sandals. "No, he replicated the marble then did the carving himself.""You look---great," Paris said, running his eyes over her. He looked back at the carvingwistfully. He should have known that anything Chakotay did for B'Elanna would be a work ofart---or a labor of love? "It must have taken him a long time. I wish I had some artisticability like that."She came forward and stood beside him. "Did you ever try it?"His eyes darkened, as if a half-forgotten memory was pulling at him mentally. "No, I never triedcarving. I did try drawing---" He stopped and she could almost see him change gears---to stophimself from sharing something hurtful. "Somehow, my teachers didn't appreciate my drawings ofnudes!" he joked. "Especially since one or two of them were my models---without their knowledgeor consent, of course! What I hadn't actually seen---I made up."She thumped his arm. "And how old were you?"He frowned thoughtfully. "Ten? Maybe twelve.""You started early," Torres commented. She swallowed her disappointment at the sudden turn ofthe conversation. She'd thought for just an instant that he might actually tell hersomething---personal. But he seemed determined to keep her at a distance---figuratively, if notliterally."Let's just say I was inspired," Tom said with a smile.It was what Torres privately referred to as Smile Number Two. Polite, friendly, but with no realwarmth---and it didn't go beyond his lips to the rest of his face. She stifled a sigh ofimpatience. She hated this retreat that he made whenever she got close to the real Tom Paris.She didn't know how much longer she could pretend she didn't notice. Or even if she should keepup the pretense. How long would they have to know each other before he would open up?Paris could tell she was getting impatient. He didn't know why. "Are you ready?"She nodded without speaking. He looped her arm through his and they headed for Sandrine's.****************Harry and Malista were twenty minutes late. The moment they arrived they could tell: There wastrouble in Paradise. The tension in the air was a tangible, living thing that wrapped its coilsaround Kim and Shadow as they approached the table in Sandrine's.Tom was smiling---his cool, 'who, me?' smile. Smile Number Three. B'Elanna was staring into thedepths of the drink on the table before her. She was not smiling---at all."B'Elanna? Come on, it was a joke," Tom said coaxingly. She didn't answer or look up. Giving upmomentarily, he turned to greet the newcomers. "Hi, Harry. Malista.""Tom, B'Elanna," Kim said cautiously. "Sorry we're late."Torres lifted her gaze, keeping her eyes on Kim and Shadow, ignoring Paris' presence. "Somekind of emergency?" the chief engineer asked. She'd assigned Shadow to repair a cargo lifter andhadn't seen her since the end of the shift.Malista squirmed self-consciously as she seated herself. She avoided everyone's eyes, by lookingaround for the holographic Sandrine to order a drink. "Not really. I got the lifter fixed. Itwas another power coupling problem."Paris looked at Harry Kim. Malista looked upset. Harry shook his head slightly. Tom decided tolet it drop. If it was something he needed to know, Harry would tell him later.Torres let out a hiss under her breath, distracted by the words 'power couplings'. "Anotherone? What is going on with those things?! We've checked the parts, we've checked thereplicator, we've checked and rechecked the coupling connectors in the consoles and the powersources---what is going on?"Harry shrugged.Malista frowned thoughtfully. "I wonder---""What?" B'Elanna pounced, ready for any new idea for dealing with the ongoing crisis thathaunted even her dreams.Malista shook her head with a rueful smile. "No, never mind. It's too simple---I'm sure someonethought of it already." Harry and B'Elanna were engineering wizards---surely her own idea was awaste of their time."Sometimes the simplest solutions get overlooked," Harry said. "What's your idea?""B'Elanna, like you said we checked the couplings in place in the system, right?" she verifiedshyly.Torres nodded encouragingly."We checked the replicator to see if it was working efficiently?""Of course.""Well," Malista offered tentatively, "did anyone---check the replicator matrix?""What?" Paris asked for clarification. He didn't know much about how replicators actuallyworked---he'd never been interested enough to learn since it didn't have anything to do withpropulsion or navigation.B'Elanna and Harry quickly jumped on Malista's suggestion. "You mean the power coupling modelmight have a flaw?" Torres said. She slammed her fist down on the table. She couldn't believeshe'd overlooked the possibility. It was so simple---she'd been looking for a complexproblem---not a basic, amateurish mistake!"A microfracture wouldn't show up in the finished product unless you used a high power ofmagnitude---" Harry began."Which we didn't bother to use until after the power couplings fused!" Torres added."And at that point, the microfracture would be lost amid the other damage done when the couplingfused," Shadow finished.The three engineering types were going over the possibilities in their heads. Paris looked ateach thoughtful face bemusedly. "Why do I suddenly feel superfluous?""What?" Harry asked, absent-mindedly."Let's go find out!" Torres bounced to her feet and charged out of the holodeck, followed inquick succession by Shadow and Kim.Paris was left sitting all alone at the table for four. "Was it something I said?" he calledafter them, only half-kidding.**************B'Elanna Torres couldn't bear to look the captain in the eyes as she gave her report at thesenior staff meeting. "Malista was right. When Engineering noticed the depleted supply of powercouplings available, we began using the replicator to create replacements. Unfortunately," shesquirmed in her chair as she continued, "no one thought to check the coupling that was used asthe model for the replication process. We just assumed it was unflawed. Microfractures arealmost unheard of when dealing with birullian alloys. So the matrix for the replication wasflawed and that meant---""That every time a new power coupling was replicated, the flaw was duplicated as well," HarryKim completed her thought."And now?" Janeway prompted."Now," Torres said grimly, "we have to find a source of birullian so we can manufacture our ownreplacements. Which isn't likely. Or we have to find one unflawed power coupling and use it forthe replicator matrix. And, we have to replace every power coupling we've changed out in thepast six months---which is when the original stock was depleted."Tom whistled at the size of the job before them. The power couplings were incorporated intoevery major system in the ship and were essential in delivering power safely to the consoles.Janeway raised an eyebrow at her helm officer. "Exactly, Mr. Paris. Lieutenant Torres, I wouldlike you to work with Commander Chakotay on a revised duty roster to handle the increasedworkload.""We may want to shift all Maintenance and Repair crew to two shifts, rather than three,"Chakotay suggested. "That would minimize down time and increase the number of personnelavailable. We could also arrange to recruit personnel from other departments to assist on atemporary basis."Janeway nodded her approval of that suggestion. "Just be sure they're trained in safetyprotocols. We need to get this work done as quickly as possible, but we don't want anyaccidents. And by the way, B'Elanna, tell Malista that was good detective work."****************Malista finally got off duty after twelve straight of hours of climbing in, out, around, andthrough the consoles and Jefferies tubes in Engineering which had been the first priority. Shewanted nothing more than to relax so she went by her quarters and changed out of her uniforminto a long white skirt and green peasant blouse. She picked up her datapadd. Harry Kim wasstill on the bridge, so she went to Sandrine's alone. She was so proud of herself that she coulddo that now. She didn't need an escort to protect her. It might sound like a strange thing to beproud of, but only to someone who didn't know how withdrawn and socially inept she'd been just afew months before.Tom Paris was there alone. The holocharacters were his only companions. His expression suddenlychanged from melancholy to polite friendliness as he heard her approach. "Hi, Malista. Want tolearn to play pool?"She looked him over carefully, without speaking, trying to decide what to say.His smile dropped away. "No?"She gazed at him, wide-eyed. "What did you do?" she finally asked.He flinched guiltily, but caught himself and donned his mask of casual unconcern as he returnedhis attention to his next shot. He drew back the cue---and immediately scratched. "Nothing.Exactly.""Uh-huh," she muttered skeptically.His blue eyes met her green ones. "What did she say?" He tried to sound indifferent, butcouldn't quite bring it off. He reached into the pocket and fished the cue ball out of thepocket."Nothing. But I could tell when Harry and I joined you last night that something was wrong. Andshe wasn't in a very good mood today," Malista retorted, seating herself on a bar stool. Shewaited patiently for him to finish racking the balls once more.Paris shrugged. "She's just upset about the power coupling situation. It's a lot more work. Andit makes her madder because it's work that should be unnecessary. And she's furious she didn'tthink of it sooner.""Funny. I'd think she'd feel better now that she's identified the problem."He turned, planted his cue stick on the floor, and leaned on it. "You mean since you identifiedthe problem?"Malista frowned. "You think she's upset because I figured it out---before she did? Come on, Tom!B'Elanna isn't like that!""Yeah?" He gave her a cynical smirk, the provoking one that made people want to smack it off hisface. Torres would have called it Smile Number One.She got to her feet impatiently. "If you don't want to talk about it---fine! Just don't makethings up! I'm not in the mood! I don't need this!" Malista Shadow spun on her heel and startedout of Sandrine's."Malista! Wait!" Tom leaned back against the pool table.She paused at the door without turning."Come back here," Tom said. "Please?"She revolved slowly to face him. "What's going on, Tom?" she asked calmly."You want to sit down? And have a drink?""Not particularly. Why was B'Elanna so mad when Harry and I got here last night?" Malistainsisted, coming to stand in front of him so she could study his face.Tom sighed heavily. "Ah, I just made a stupid joke---it wasn't a big deal. She didn't think itwas funny, I guess.""What kind of joke?" Her eyes narrowed suspiciously.Paris pondered the odds of evading the question. He darted a glance at his 'little sister'. Noway. It was one of the reasons he liked her. She didn't let him get away with anything. He tooka quick look around the room. "Computer, delete all the holodeck characters."The other occupants of the bar disappeared giving them privacy. Malista raised her eyebrows,crossed her arms, and waited.Paris sighed again. He laid his pool cue down and hoisted himself up to sit on the edge of thepool table. He patted the space next to him. Malista followed his lead. "B'Elanna asked me aboutRickie.""Your holographic---friend?""Yeah," he said, staring at the floor. "She asked me why I deleted her.""And you said---" Shadow prompted."I said," Tom replied with a reminiscent wince, "that I got tired of her."Malista frowned and moaned. "Tom! Do you know how that sounded---""Not at the time," he said defensively. "I wasn't thinking of how she would interpret it. I justwanted a quick excuse. Besides, I'm not going to get tired of B'Elanna! I'm not fickle! I don'tcare what people say about me!" His blue eyes searched her face for a sign that she believedhim. "Whether I knew it or not, I've been looking for B'Elanna Torres my whole life! Do youreally think I want to mess it up? Now? When things are finally starting to go my way?"She smiled at him tenderly. "No, of course not," she replied gently. She took his hand and heldit. "Was that the only thing? I wouldn't think B'Elanna would get that mad about---just that.""No," Tom replied reluctantly. "She says I won't talk to her.""You talk to her all the time.""That's exactly what I said!" He threw her an exasperated look. "Don't play dumb, Malista. Youknow what I mean. She says I won't talk to her about---stuff like feelings." It didn't seem tooccur to him that he'd just admitted that he had been playing dumb with Torres."And do you?""Yes---no! I don't know!" He threw up his hands and jumped off the table to amble towards thebar, as if he were too restless to stay still."That's a pretty comprehensive answer." She slid down and followed him.He rummaged behind the bar until he found the bottle he was looking for. "You want some brandy?""Synthehol?" She asked cautiously. Her first and only hangover had taught her the hazards ofingesting real alcoholic beverages. She wouldn't repeat that mistake.He snickered as he recalled the effect of the native beverage from their shore leave on DynosSix, 'the Blue' as the Voyager crew had dubbed it. Malista, Jenny Delaney, and B'Elanna amongothers had drunk deeply and suffered greatly as a result. "Of course, it's synthehol. I don'tdo the real stuff any more either.""Why not?""What do you mean, 'why not'?" He frowned at her. "You're starting to sound like B'Ella. Theredoesn't have to be a reason for everything!""Oops. Sorry. I was just making conversation," she said lightly. "Did I step on a sore spot?""She keeps---pushing," he said, filling his glass. "I don't know---what she wants me to say.""Welcome to the club," Malista said tiredly. She rested her elbow on the bar and cradled herchin in her palm.Paris looked into her eyes and noticed the sadness. "What's the matter? Is it Harry?"She shook her head. "Not exactly. Sometimes. Yes---no, maybe it's me." She broke off inconfusion.Paris smiled wryly, but there was no sparkle in his eyes. "I see I'm not the only one who'smastered the art of the comprehensive answer. Maybe it's a family trait. Would you like tosettle on one choice? Is it Harry?""Relationships are hard. Especially when you've never had one before. And he keeps pushing---ina nice way. It's that I don't know how much I should tell him. Or what," Malista stated. "Idon't want to talk about me right now. And Tom?" She made sure she had his full attention beforeshe continued. "Don't use me---or Harry---or our relationship---as an excuse to avoid B'Elanna.Spend some time alone with her. Talk to her. The two of you care about each other. You can finda way to get past your differences."Shifting uncomfortably, Tom resorted to a stab at humor. "Hey, I'm supposed to be giving youadvice, Sis! Not the other way around. Why don't you take your own advice?"She refused to smile. "Tom?" Her green eyes were very wide, her expression easy to read.He studied his brandy solemnly. "Yes?""If I can help?" She left it there, not knowing what to say---or if she'd said too muchalready.He took her hand and squeezed it. His eyes never left his glass. "I know. You too. If I canhelp---Let me know."They stayed there for a few minutes, just holding hands, each lost in thought."Tom?""Yes?""You want to help me with a holoprogram I've been working on?""Sure, what is it?"Malista smiled at him shyly. "Harry keeps asking about my family. I thought I could showhim---and get a new exercise program for my workouts."Tom took the datapadd and studied the program. "Hmm," he murmured. "This looks interesting. Asurprise for Harry?" He flashed a wicked grin her way.She nodded."Then lets make this as near perfect as possible. Just a few finishing touches," Parissuggested. He began to tap on the padd controls. "The small details make it real."**************After an exhaustive search and examination, Torres had located an intact, unflawed powercoupling in a secondary backup system She immediately assigned a crew to work full-time onreplicating new parts for the repair teams to install. With additional personnel, some of theminexperienced, she had to reassign teams so that each had one repair tech and one less experienced assistant from another department.She called Malista Shadow aside for a quick conference. "Malista, Sue Nicoletti is going topartner with Gerron. I'm thinking of letting you work with Chell. Is that okay with you?"Torres was studying her intently, watching for a reaction.Shadow smiled faintly, appreciating her chief's concern and thoughtfulness in consulting herbefore making the assignment. "It's okay, Lieutenant. I'm not---I like Chell. He doesn't makeme---nervous." She'd gotten to know him better in her self-defense class. He was a verynon-threatening person.B'Elanna smiled her relief. Chakotay had asked her to team Malista with women until she overcameher fear of men. But with Engineering so short-handed ---she was glad Malista was makingprogress in becoming socialized. "Chell follows directions fairly well---if he doesn't talk yourears off," Torres commented, rolling her eyes.Malista almost giggled. "I don't mind. If he does all the talking, people don't notice how quietI am." She sobered for a moment. "Lieutenant, can I ask you a question?""Sure.""Were you upset---that I was the one---No, never mind," Shadow said rapidly. "It's a sillyquestion."Torres frowned at her. "That you were the one? To what? Oh, you mean that you figured out whatthe problem was?" She snorted. "No! I was just glad someone did, before I lost it and brokesomebody's nose! For some reason, the captain frowns on nose-breaking as motivationalbehavior." She grinned for a moment, then sobered. "I simply can't believe no one thought oflooking at the replicator matrix sooner. It was just such a silly mistake! Of course, the statethat Engineering has been in since we got the ship back from the Kazon---Why? Did you think Iwas upset?"Shadow shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I'm glad you aren't."Torres' eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Someone told you that I was, right? Can I guess who?"Malista fidgeted. "I asked him why you were upset at Sandrine's the other night."Torres inhaled with a hiss of annoyance. "That Paris! Don't believe a word he says, Malista! Noone should. He was throwing you off his trail. He just didn't want to admit that he made amistake. It's not your problem.""If there's anything I can do---" the taller woman offered tentatively, not sure she wanted tofind herself between B'Elanna Torres and Tom Paris in a personal dispute. In addition to beingher immediate superior, Torres was her friend. Actually, her first female friend. And Tom washer self-appointed older brother. She cared about both of them."No. I'll handle this. Don't worry about it. You just keep Chell's hands as busy as his mouth,"Torres directed. She watched as the repair teams dispersed throughout the ship. Her scowl wasmotivation enough to get them moving quickly, if for no other reason than to get away from thechief engineer's watchful eyes.****************The Bolian was good company--- for those who didn't mind listening to long and rambling storiesabout people they didn't know, in places they'd never been, doing things they'd never heard ofbefore. Since he was panting with exertion, his monologue began to wind down as they finallyreached their goal in Jefferies tube seven, deck five, section 23F. It was a power junction forseveral main systems and, therefore, a high priority for replacement parts.Chell noticed that Malista was half-humming, half-singing to herself as she climbed. "You have anice voice, Malista. Do you sing?"Malista ignored the question. She'd found that worked better with Chell than trying to changethe subject. She opened the panel and assessed the situation with a tricorder. "Chell, get thereplacements ready. I can see two couplings that show signs of cracking. There's a lot of powerrunning through this junction and the one above us. We need to take the power offline." Sheslapped her commbadge. "Crewman Shadow to Operations.""Kim here. Go ahead."Shadow tried to suppress the smile that always appeared when she heard that Particular voice.She didn't want Chell to think she was just plain sappy about Ensign Kim. Though she was."Ensign, we need to take power offline at junction seven five in order to replace the powercouplings. Shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes.""Negative," Kim replied sharply. "That would cause a temporary power loss to the shields. We'vejust entered an asteroid field. We need the shields to deflect debris. We should be clear of theasteroid field in---" There was a momentary pause as he checked with the helm officer. "We'llbe clear in ten minutes. Stand by.""Standing by," Shadow replied. She gazed at the Bolian and sighed. "Hurry up and wait!""Standard problem," Chell said sympathetically. "Did I ever tell you about the Maquis raidplanned for the Darien Colony? We were supposed to---""Wait!" Malista said, frowning as she studied the panel. "This coupling isn't going to last tenminutes. Chell, give me a replacement!""What?" he muttered, even as he handed the part to her. "You can't replace a coupling with thepower on. You'll fry yourself."The tip of Malista's tongue made an appearance as she concentrated on moving her fingers in andaround the active circuits to the vulnerable coupling. "You can if you're v---e---r---ycareful---or very good! And I'm both."Chell held his breath, speechless for once as he watched her delicately reach past the circuitrythat was audibly humming with the power surging through it."Ta-da! Got it!" She flashed a grin at him. Her grin faded quickly. "Do you smell something?What's that buzzing noise?" It was coming from above their position, from the next section ofthe Jefferies tube. "Chell, move! Get out of here!""What noise--- " Chell began, as he obediently started climbing down the access crawlway ladder."Hurry!" she shouted. Malista lunged upward striving to reach the controls that would seal thehatch to the next compartment of the Jefferies tube. "There's another---" Her fingers brushedthe hatch controls, but it was a split second too late.The shock wave from the explosion threw Chell backwards and down the access tube, leaving himsemiconscious in the corridor below. Malista was thrown down the same path, but somehow her leftarm and leg caught on the ladder, leaving her dangling upside down six feet above the deck, heruniform smoldering the length of her side. Sparks and debris continued to rain down on themboth.Internal sensors broadcast the alarm to the Operations Console immediately. "Captain," Kimsnapped, "We have an emergency between decks seven and eight. Explosion in the Jefferies tube.Shields are holding."Even as the ensign reported, another commbadge was heard. "Crewman Gerron to the bridge. Twoinjured. Crewmen Shadow and Chell have been beamed directly to Sickbay. We have a damage controlparty in place. We'll report our findings as soon as possible.""How severe are their injuries?" Kim rapped out. That shouldn't have been his next question, butthe captain chose to overlook his slight lapse in Starfleet professionalism under thecircumstances."It looked like Malista took the brunt of the explosion. Chell didn't seem to be badly hurt,"Gerron reported. "We've got the system locked down and are now assessing the damage. I'll getback to you. Gerron out." The young Bajoran sounded agitated. He was almost shouting to be heardover the background noise of the repair teams and the hissing of fire suppression systems.Janeway met Kim's distraught brown eyes, but spoke to her helmsman. "Mr. Paris, let me know theminute we're clear of the asteroid field.""Yes, ma'am." Paris' reply lacked its usual insouciant note. "Clear in two minutes." His rigidposture telegraphed his tension.They were the slowest two minutes Harry Kim had ever experienced. He didn't think he evenremembered to breathe as he forced himself to focus on the console and controls before him,carrying out his assigned duties. He caught himself fidgeting and consciously forced himself tostand still. "Damage report is in, Captain. Gerron says Mal---the repair team activated thehatch sealing mechanism before the explosion. The hatchway was partially closed so the damagewas limited to deck five, tube seven, section 23G. Light damage to 23H. Some debris in 23A-F."Chakotay checked his own readouts. "I'm glad they reacted quickly, if we'd lost power in 23F---""We'd have lost the shields and Voyager would have been smashed to a paste by these glorifiedrocks," Paris supplied grimly. His fingers danced over the controls as he maneuvered the ship."Clear of the asteroid field, Captain. Resuming normal flight pattern," he reported. He spun inhis chair, his blue eyes making the plea he couldn't bring himself to verbalize.Janeway nodded. "Mr. Paris, why don't you go to Sickbay and check on the injured? You can be myrepresentative." Without turning, she added, "And Mr. Kim can represent Commander Chakotay.""Thank you, Captain," the two young men said in unison. They beat a hasty retreat to theturbolift as relief personnel slid into their positions.Janeway seated herself and found Chakotay smiling at her. "Was there something you wanted tosay, Commander?" she asked casually, picking up her data padd.Chakotay's brown eyes twinkled, though his expression remained deadpan. "No, Captain. It's agood thing to delegate non-critical duties to junior officers. I'm sure you learned that atStarfleet Academy." Then he added, sotto voce, "You old softy."Kathryn shot a quick glance around the bridge. No one was watching. She darted her tongue out ather first officer, and resumed her usual professional demeanor in less than a heartbeat.Caught offguard, Chakotay burst out laughing. The other bridge officers glanced at himcuriously. He just shrugged and settled back into his chair, shaking his head as he checked hisconsole readings. The captain, demurely studying the padd, ignored his strange behavior as ifshe hadn't noticed. The bridge crew returned their attention to their duties with slightlypuzzled frowns.***************Chell was awake and sitting up on the biobed. He was suffering from bruises and cuts. His eyeswere fixed on the surgical bay which was temporarily out of sight behind a privacy screen. Thedoctor and Kes were busily working on Malista there.Kes stepped out and pushed the screen out of the way. Malista was dressed in a Sickbay gown,lying unconscious on the biobed. Her singed and burned uniform lay in a heap on the floor. Theright side of her body and face showed burn damage. Her left arm was lying at an awkward angle.The doctor meticulously straightened her left leg and ran an osteoregenerator over it.Harry Kim stopped a few feet from the bed, staring at Malista Shadow's injuries with distress.Paris asked politely, "Doctor? Could we have a report?"The Doctor frowned in concentration as he worked on his patient. "The burns are superficial. Thedermal regenerator will be able to repair the damage within a few hours. The more seriousinjuries are the concussion---she suffered a blow to the head---the dislocated shoulder and thebroken tibia. She should recover consciousness any time. She will require several hours,possibly days of recovery time. *If* she follows the proper treatment regimen! I have come toexpect a lack of cooperation from this crew," the Doctor complained.He finished with Shadow's leg and turned his attention to the burns that ran down the left sideof her face and down her side, almost to her waist. He handed the osteoregenerator to Kes, whobegan working on Malista's arm and shoulder.Tom Paris sighed with relief and turned to the Bolian. "Chell? What happened?"The Bolian shook his head. "Malista spotted a few bad power couplings. We were waiting for theship to clear the asteroid field so we could shut down the power in that section. Then she hearda noise from the next section of the Jefferies tube---I didn't hear anything!---and she told meto get out! I started down the ladder, but she didn't follow me! She went up! I don't know why!"He studied his erstwhile teammate with concern, wondering if he could have done anything to helpher."She tried to close the hatch to contain the explosion," Harry Kim explained glumly. He waswatching every move made by Kes and the Doctor as if his attention was necessary to Malista'srecovery. "She didn't quite make it. The hatch didn't seal completely. She should have justgotten out of there!""It would have been worse if she hadn't tried," Paris insisted. "They would have taken the fullforce of the explosion!""She almost got herself killed!" Kim muttered through gritted teeth. "And it's my fault!""How could it be your fault?" Paris demanded."I had them standby. They were waiting because I wouldn't let them shut off the power in thatsection. I should have rerouted the power. I could have done that. It wouldn't have taken verylong. Then they wouldn't have been---"Paris grabbed his friend's shoulder and gave it a shake. "Harry, you don't know that! It was anaccident! You heard Chell. The explosion occurred above them---not in their section!"Harry shook his head. Kes finished her task and stepped away from the biobed, studying EnsignKim with concern in her eyes. Harry darted toward the biobed as Malista moaned. Paris followedhim, prepared to pull him out of the doctor's way if necessary.Her eyes opened slowly. The first image she saw was the doctor's frowning visage about fourinches from her face. "Oh, no!" she groaned. "Not you again!" She tensed and tried to move awayfrom his hand.The doctor shot an indignant glance in Tom's direction. "Mr. Paris, have you been coaching her?That's exactly what you said when you regained consciousness after your 'para-skiing' mishap onthe holodeck!" He put a hand to her right shoulder to press her back against the bed, thengently tilted her head into position so he could continue the dermal regeneration on her face."Lie still, Ms. Shadow."She looked past him, saw Tom and Harry, and her body relaxed visibly, reassured by theirpresence. "Chell? Is he okay?" she asked anxiously.The Bolian moved into her line of sight. "Hello!" He raised his hand, wiggling his fingers. "Areyou all right?""I'm fine," she muttered. She was uncomfortable with the Doctor's nearness. She knew he was justa hologram, but still---Harry stepped forward, dodged around the doctor and the approaching Kes and took her right handin his. "Malista, I'm sorry. I should have rerouted the power so you could shut it down."She frowned her puzzlement. "What? What does that have to do---""Nothing. This is not the time, Harry," Paris said, tugging Harry's arm to pull him out of theway as the doctor moved around the bed to get a better angle. "We came to check on you. Now thatwe know you're going to be okay, we'd better get back to the bridge."Harry was staring at Malista's injuries, feeling guilt-ridden and anxious."The bridge, Harry!" Tom repeated. "We have to get back to the bridge.""Mr. Kim," the doctor said over his shoulder, "This will take some time and it will take moretime than necessary if you continue to provide a distraction."Harry gazed at Tom blankly. He turned back to her. "Malista---"She hissed an indrawn breath with pain as the doctor repositioned her burned face so he couldreach the skin under her jawline for treatment. She tried to smile at Harry, but tears werefilling her eyes. "Not now, Harry. Please. I'll talk to you later.""Come on, Harry. Let the doctor do his job," Paris said, tugging Kim's arm once more. This timethe ensign allowed himself to be dragged toward the exit."I'll be back as soon as I get offshift," Harry called. "Call me if you need anything!"The door slid shut behind the duo. The doctor shook his head. He eyed Malista dubiously as shetwitched nervously away from his hand again. "Crewman Shadow, please stay still! Regeneratingburn tissue is a delicate business and while I am an excellent doctor, even I cannot be expectedto heal you without pain---if you insist on squirming! I remind you that I am a hologram. I haveno prurient interest in touching you.""Doctor!" Kes chided. She needed to review the meaning of the word 'tact' with him once more.Surely one of the forty-seven doctors who'd contributed to his programming was familiar with theconcept, although it wasn't evident in his bedside manner.Malista met the doctor's eyes. Actually, his brusqueness reassured her. He might not be human,but he had kind eyes. "Sorry. I'll try to stay still.""I know," Chell exclaimed. "I'll talk to her so she'll have something to distract her." Hebeamed a smile at the trio in the surgical bay as he volunteered.With a very human expression, the doctor rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Of course, Mr.Chell," he replied sarcastically. "That's exactly what every Sickbay requires---a monologist!"Malista and Kes met each other's eyes and tried to stifle the urge to giggle.***************Tom Paris went to Engineering to find B'Elanna Torres. She hadn't shown up for dinner in themesshall at their usual time. She was working busily and didn't see him arrive. He walked upbehind her and tapped her shoulder. She spun and assumed a defensive posture as if he'd pulled aknife. He threw his hands up in surrender. "Easy, B'Elanna. It's just me. You're late fordinner. Six hours late." He tried a smile.Torres labeled it Smile Number Four---polite, friendly, slightly concerned---it reached hiseyes, but didn't convey his feelings very well. She sniffed and moved past him to anotherconsole. "I don't have time for dinner, Paris. With Malista and Chell injured, that's one lessteam working on those vole-loving, Ferengi-kissing---power couplings!" she growled emphatically.She stayed on the move, making adjustments and taking readings on a tricorder.Tom took a deep breath and stayed polite and friendly as he trailed after her. 'Paris'---so theywere back to that, were they?"I could bring you something to eat," he volunteered. "Did you eat lunch, by the way?" He hadn'tseen her all day. He'd been surprised how much he'd missed just seeing her around even if theyhad no time to talk."I don't remember," she said, darting around him once more to another section of Engineering.She still wouldn't look at him.Tom could feel his jaw clenching, but made an effort to relax. "B'Elanna?"She strode past him again, ignoring him.Paris gazed around at the Engineering section. No one else was in sight. "You know for being thecenter of all this frenzied activity, there aren't many people around here," he commentedsardonically. He leaned against the wall and watched her scurrying from control panel to consoleand back again.That got her attention. "They're in the Jefferies tubes," she snapped."Uh-huh." Pure skepticism distilled in bright blue eyes."They are!""B'Elanna, Gamma shift just started. It's 2400." There was the challenge."So?" she snarled, slamming the tricorder down on the console and giving him a defiant glare."So Chakotay reworked the duty roster to put the teams on Alpha and Beta shifts. There's only askeleton crew working right now," Tom said calmly. "So--- would you like to tell me why youdidn't show up for dinner? We had plans.""Yeah, well," she muttered. "Maybe---I got tired---of our plans." She flopped into a chair andstudied the tricorder readings.Tom immediately recognized the reference. "B'Ella, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I didn't knowyou'd take it so seriously. I was just joking about Rickie." He straightened and came towardher. "I apologize. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." There was no trace of the smartmouthed joker who'd enraged her.Her brown eyes met his solemnly. "So---why *did* you delete Rickie?"'There's no way she'll let this go,' he thought. He braced himself and decided honesty was theonly option left to him. "Because---I was interested in you---and I knew you didn't like her. Ithought you---I hoped you'd take it as a sign that I was serious about you. Then you didn't evennotice," he said, a hint of a crooked smile sneaking onto his lips. Smile Number Six---a truesmile, given reluctantly, his eyes revealing that he felt uncomfortable.Those big blue eyes were so expressive. There was not a glimmer of amusement there. This TomParis was being absolutely sincere. She wondered if he knew just how many of his secrets hiseyes gave away. "I'm sorry I didn't notice, Tom." She cleared her throat. "But tell mesomething?"He nodded cautiously."Why did you program that character in the first place? Is she a real person like Sandrine?"This question was harder to answer than the first one. He should have expected it, but he'dhoped she'd let it lie. He crossed his arms and casually strolled back towards the wall. Heneeded something to lean on. It helped when striking a careless pose---a carefully practicedcareless pose meant to convey a sense of ease. Torres got up and followed him curiously."Well," he began, but stopped as he heard the beguiling tone appearing in his voice. This was notime for his typical smooth line of patter---she wouldn't fall for it anyway. It was just such ahabit---when people got too close. "To tell you the truth, Rickie was kind of a compilation ofseveral people---my first girlfriend, a cousin of mine, and a couple of other women I knew ordated at the Academy. I guess you could say I took the best qualities of all those people andprogrammed them into Rickie. And I took her and Sandrine everywhere I went. Put them in all myholoprograms. Adding other characters when I felt the need."Torres was standing three feet in front of him, examining him carefully---as if he were anEngineering problem she was trying to solve. "But why? Why go to all that trouble? For aholographic program?"He exhaled on a shaky sigh and tried to get his nonchalant grin in place. "I needed someone totalk to." He couldn't sustain the grin. It faltered and fell away. He examined the tips of hisboots with great care. He didn't want to see her reaction. He was afraid she'd be smilingderisively. "You might not have noticed, but not everyone finds me as charming as you do.""Tom?" Her voice was uncharacteristically gentle. She stepped forward, her fingertips brushinghis chest as she placed a hand on his forearm.He felt tears pricking his eyes and tried to make a joke---"Well, you know how popular I waswhen I first came aboard Voyager! The Maquis wanted to kill me---and the Starfleet crew wantedto throw me in the brig! And I've been in places where I was even *less* popular---if you canbelieve that. Programming the characters in Sandrine's ensured that I'd have someone to talkto---and since I programmed them, they didn't have any choice but to talk to me!" He attempted alaugh, but couldn't bring it off."Tom," Torres repeated, more urgently. She moved closer and grasped his upper arms. "I'm sorry Ididn't talk to you. I'm sorry no one gave you a chance. We shouldn't have---judged---"He shrugged her arms away, and moved slowly toward the door. "Kind of pathetic, isn't it?" hesaid, sniffing and clearing his throat. "You can't get a date so you program one---so you canget an ego boost from the admiration of a fictional character. And maybe you can pretend youhave friends and no one else will notice---that you don't. A few hundred years ago, that kind ofbehavior would have gotten me locked up in a mental ward. Good thing we live in more enlightenedtimes, huh, B'Ella---B'Elanna?" He tried another laugh. It was no more successful than the firstattempt.She caught his arm and pulled him to a halt. He didn't turn to face her. He couldn't. Shewrapped her arms around his waist, pressing herself against his back as she hugged him frombehind. "I'm sorry, Tom. I didn't mean to hurt you by bringing up bad memories."He froze for a moment, as if she'd said something unexpected. "I know. I didn't mean to hurt youby joking around either. It's just---I'm not used to---" One hand came up and he pinched thebridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger, surreptitiously wiping away traces ofmoisture in the corners of his eyes.He ran his fingers through his hair. "I can't believe I'm having trouble putting this intowords. I'm not used to talking seriously ---with anyone. Most people think of me as a courtjester, the life of the party---the flirt. No one---except Harry and Captain Janeway andMalista---has ever been interested in a serious Tom Paris. It almost sounds like an oxymoron,doesn't it?---serious Tom Paris. Sometimes I can't tell which is the real me, either---the clownor the---" He stopped, not sure what he wanted to say, or if he should say anything further.Torres used her strength to gently turn him in her arms so she could rest her head on his chest.She snuggled up against his body, tightening the hug till he responded by putting his own armsaround her and squeezing back. They just stood there holding each other---for a long time.***************Malista Shadow spent two days and nights in Sickbay. Harry Kim was there with her for a greatdeal of the time---and underfoot---until the doctor finally lost patience and limited hisvisits. When Malista was released, she was placed on sick leave for three days---under protest.The doctor had expected that. He sat her down before releasing her and lectured her sternlyabout limiting her physical activity."You have been seriously injured twice in less than three months," he reminded her. "Your bodyhas been healed of the injuries, but bruises and the soreness that accompany muscular stresscannot be cured instantaneously. You need to rest and give your body a chance to recovernaturally.""But there's so much work to do in Engineering---" she began.He stopped her by holding up his hand. "All the more reason for you to return to duty in goodhealth. You must take care of yourself so you will be able to take care of the ship. Rest!Recuperate! Start with a mild exercise program and work your way up to a more strenuous workout.Surely, you can think of something to do with your free time! If not, I can suggest---""No, thank you," she interrupted, getting to her feet. "Thank you for all your help, Doctor. Iappreciate the fine job you did repairing me---again.""That's what I'm programmed for," the doctor replied matter-of-factly.She smiled at him. He'd become a person to her during her third unfortunate incarceration in hismilieu. "And you do such a good job of it, too," she said. She kissed his cheek, smiled at himagain, and left for her quarters.He watched her go, his hand creeping up to touch his cheek. She and Kes were the only humanoidswho'd ever kissed him. It was an interesting experience. He smiled to himself. At least sheseemed to have gotten over her fear of doctors---at least this doctor. Maybe there was a paperin this. "How to Deal with Irrational Fear of Doctors" ? Now why did the phrase "beads andrattles" come to mind? A random memory in the engrams of his program?*****************Paris returned to the bridge from his lunch break with a beaming smile. "Captain, you don't wantto miss lunch today," he announced. "It's wonderful!"Janeway's gray eyes lit with amusement. "Now that's a comment I haven't heard very often."Paris slid into his chair at the helm. "That's because Malista found something useful to do withher time off. My little sister taught Neelix how to make---what did she call it, Harry?"Kim had quietly trailed in behind Paris and assumed his station. "Souvlaki.""Really? I'm glad Malista isn't bored with her time off," Janeway stated. There was somethingsweet about the way Tom claimed Malista as family. Those two had been good for each other. "Sothis souvlaki is good?""Yeah," Paris said with a grin. "It's really great. The spices are just right. And littlepastries for dessert---and she actually got Neelix to serve the pepper sauces and leola root onthe side." He chuckled. "She told him it was a Greek tradition. Maybe she can convince him tomake a habit of it.""She should be resting," Kim muttered. "Working in the messhall isn't---" He broke off as hebecame aware of the stares of Tom Paris and Captain Janeway."I'm sure she won't overdo it, Mr. Kim," Janeway said reassuringly. "Kes will keep an eye onher." She smiled.Kim nodded and returned his attention to the Ops station.Janeway raised her eyebrows at Paris. He shrugged carelessly. Harry was overreacting toMalista's accident. The captain decided that the situation would bear watching. She decidedshe'd check on Shadow herself---at lunch. "Mr. Paris, you have the bridge," she stated as shemoved to the turbolift.****************Malista was sharing a table with B'Elanna Torres. The chief engineer was enjoying her meal. Thatwas evident from the haste with which she was clearing her plate. Malista was fiddling with adatapadd. Neither woman was smiling but they didn't look angry with each other. Janeway broughther tray to their table. "May I join you?""Of course," Malista said, clearing a space on the table. "How are you today, Captain?" sheasked politely. She was on her best behavior. She'd hardly ever spoken to the captain.Janeway cast a whimsical eye over the pair. "Better than you two, I think. What seems to be theproblem?"Malista gazed dolefully at Torres. Torres frowned at Malista then both looked at Janeway."Men!" They said in unison.The captain raised an eyebrow as she speared her first bite of souvlaki. "Oh," she drawled,"Them again. Are we speaking generally, ladies? Or do you have specific members of the malegender in mind?"Malista sighed. Torres growled wordlessly under her breath.Both the captain's eyebrows rose. "That bad?" She was concerned to note that Torres lookedexhausted---but so tense she was almost vibrating. She tasted the souvlaki. She smiled."Malista, this is wonderful. Would you like to transfer to cook's assistant?"Shadow shook her head. "Captain, do you understand men?"Janeway chuckled under her breath. "To be honest, I don't think even men understand men! Wouldyou like to talk about it? I may not have any good advice, but I could offer another opinion."Malista hesitated. She didn't know the captain well at all. She wasn't sure how much to say."Harry's driving her crazy," Torres stated bluntly. She got up and went to get a refill on herbeverage.Janeway smiled encouragingly at Shadow.She nodded reluctantly. "Since the accident, Harry's been---hovering. Somehow he blames himselffor it. It's irrational.""Sometimes that's how guilt manifests itself," the captain said. "As anxiety. Have you told himhis behavior is bothering you?""No," she mumbled reluctantly."He's not going to stop until you tell him to," Torres stated emphatically as she reseatedherself. "If he's making you crazy, just tell him to knock it off.""I couldn't do that. I might hurt his feelings."Janeway frowned thoughtfully. "If you don't tell him, he doesn't know there's a problem.""Oh, that's not all of it," the engineer snorted. "Tell her the rest, Malista.""The rest?" the captain inquired politely. She didn't want to push Shadow into discussingprivate manners, but she was willing to lend an ear.The younger woman cleared her throat. "It's not anything really. It's just---" she sighed."Harry found out that I have some musical ability---and he's trying to get me to perform at thenext concert.""And you don't want to?" Janeway inquired.Shadow shook her head, her eyes downcast."Don't be such a mouse!" Torres exclaimed impatiently. "If you don't want to do it, tell Harryto take a flying leap at a plasma conduit! Can't anyone on this ship just *tell* people whatthey're thinking? We aren't mind readers. You can't get mad at Harry if you don't talk to him."The captain frowned at B'Elanna's lack of tact and wondered what was at the root of heroutburst. It didn't sound as if Torres was talking exclusively about Harry and Malista."B'Elanna is right about one thing, Malista. You do need to talk this over with Harry. I'm surehe would never deliberately make you unhappy.""No, ma'am, of course not," Shadow mumbled. She stumbled to her feet. "Excuse me, I have anappointment." She darted out of the messhall as if fleeing for her life.Janeway assessed Torres' appearance. "B'Elanna, you look tired. I think you're overdoing it. Youshould take a couple of hours off and do something relaxing---""Captain, there is so much to do---"Icy gray eyes cut her off. "Are you telling me, Lieutenant, that your department is run soinefficiently that they can't function without your supervision for two hours?""No, Captain," Torres gulped, suppressing an urge to howl with frustration."Then I suggest you find something relaxing to do---or just get some sleep," Janeway turned herattention back to her souvlaki, dismissing the younger woman with a nod of her head.*****************Chief Engineer B'Elanna Torres was---upset. Which as the EMH had once said was a relative termwhen referring to the half Klingon officer. Her mood was somewhere between irritated andaggravated. She knew she was tired. She knew she'd been touchy---and hard to get alongwith---for days. She didn't want to analyze why. But having been ordered to take two hours off,she found herself at a loss to know what to do with the time.She had too much nervous energy coursing through her body to relax enough to sleep. Perhaps aworkout on the holodeck? She arrived at holodeck one and checked its status. A program wasrunning, but there was no privacy lock in place. She decided to find out who was running theprogram called Lake Como.Malista Shadow was seated in the shade of the tall tree near the picnic table. She ignoredTorres' arrival. Her pensive eyes were fixed on the small boats far out on the surface of thelake.Torres sat down on the bench. "I've been ordered to relax. For two hours."Malista cocked an eyebrow at her. It seemed she had returned to her silent persona---the onethat didn't speak---or spoke in two word sentences."If you don't want to talk---" Torres began, thinking she would offer to leave, but not knowingwhere she would go if she did.Malista shrugged. "Do you?"Torres sighed. She ran her fingers through her hair and made an effort to force her body torelax. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so---snappish with you in the mess hall. Yourrelationship with Harry is none of my business."Shadow nodded. It implied acceptance of the apology."Why don't you just tell Harry he's making you crazy?" Torres burst out. "Sorry. Tell me tobutt out.""I can't.""What?"Malista sighed forlornly. "I seem to have trouble telling anyone anything. How do you do it?""How do I do what?" She settled into place, turning all of her attention to the woman in frontof her."Tell people what you think. Argue with them. Tell them off! How do you argue with them withoutlosing your temper?" Shadow's eyes were filled with sadness and a shade of anger."You're kidding, right?" Torres snorted.Shadow shook her head."I lose my temper all the time," the engineer exploded. "I have to fight for control---what hasthis got to do with you?"Shadow tore her eyes away and stared at the horizon once more. "I'm afraid to lose my temper. Idon't argue. I try to change the subject or distract him or I just leave. I think it bothersHarry. He's been---different lately. And he won't tell me what's wrong.""Afraid? What are you afraid of?" Torres asked gently."I'm afraid I'll---" Malista's voice broke as her green eyes filled with tears. She drew herknees up and dropped her head on them.Torres dropped to the ground and sat next to her, leaning against the tree beside her friend."What? It's okay, Malista. You can tell me."Shadow looked up, her eyes glistening. "I'm afraid I'll hurt someone."Torres stared at her. "You mean like when I broke Carey's nose? You think you'll lose yourtemper and belt Harry?" It had never occurred to her that Harry Kim could provoke that kind ofanger---Tom, yes. But Harry? He was so---normal. But then B'Elanna wasn't interested in Harryromantically. That could make a difference.A weak smile tugged at her lips. "No. Yes. Sometimes. Oh, geez, I can't even talk. I'm back togiving comprehensive answers."Torres didn't understand the reference so she ignored it. "Malista, you aren't the type. Youmight get mad and throw things---lots of women do, human or Klingon. But you would never hurtHarry. Or Tom. Or anyone, if you ask me.""How do you learn to control your temper? To be sure you won't lose control?"Torres shrugged. "Practice. Besides, getting angry is normal. You yell, you argue, you do somename-calling---you walk out---or you settle it. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with losingyour temper.""B'Elanna," she said in carefully measured tones, "the last time I lost my temper---" Shestopped to swallow the lump in her throat. "I went berserk---and I killed four Cardassians."She dropped her face down on her knees again. Her breathing was ragged.The ugly words lay there for a few moments like a lump of mud flung down on the deck betweenthem.Torres clenched her jaw. She wasn't a counselor. She felt inadequate to give advice to anyone.How did she get herself into these situations? By being a friend. She cleared her throat andhoped she could find the right words. "Malista, the Maquis were at war with the Cardassians. Itwas war! And you killed the men who raped you and killed your friends. Don't expect me to begrief-stricken for them. You did what you had to do." She tentatively stretched out an arm andsqueezed Shadow's shoulder with her hand, imitating a gesture Janeway had made familiar."Did you ever kill anyone, B'Elanna?" The muttered question was almostunheard.Torres tensed. "Yes.""In hand to hand combat?""Yes."Shadow peered up at Torres' tight expression. "Can I assume that whoever it was---he wasfighting back?"Torres nodded slowly. She hated to think about this. She hated to talk about this. She hated theway it made her feel. With absolute clarity, she could remember every aspect---as if it wereplaying out on a screen before her. The color of the blood, the look on his face---the smells,the sounds, the feel of the blood splashing on her skin, the bitter taste of bile in her throat.Each one of her five senses had registered the event in excruciating detail. She'd probably havenightmares tonight. As she did every time the incident was brought to mind.Malista's tears finally spilled over. "The Cardassians I killed---were all unconscious. Nikokilled one and we had knocked out the other four---with phasers on stun---and one of them with arifle butt. I didn't have to kill them. They were lying there helpless---and I murdered them.And the scariest thing---" She broke off and wiped her eyes with her hands. "I enjoyed it. Ireveled in it. I was totally out of control---and I stabbed them over and over and I was so gladthey were dead and that I was the one who killed them and I just kept stabbing them over andover---"B'Elanna shook her shoulder to break the litany. "Malista, you had just seen them kill three ofyour friends---beat them to death slowly. They raped you and tortured you. Of course, you wereglad to see them dead! You'd be crazy if you weren't. You were in shock. That's why you lostcontrol. I would probably have done exactly the same thing. Anyone might have."Shadow stared at Torres, trying to see if she was sincere. "I've never told anyone about this.Niko was there. He knew. But I never told anyone.""Maybe you should talk to Chakotay about this," Torres suggested. "Or Harry."Shadow's head swung in instant rejection of that idea. "I can't talk to Harry about this.""Why not? He's a good friend and a good listener. It might help."Malista shook her head. "He wouldn't understand. He's straight out of the Academy. He's nevereven seen combat like the Maquis experienced. He's never--- murdered anyone. He doesn't knowwhat it's like---and I don't want him to know. To have to know. He wouldn't want to---Islaughtered four---do you think Harry---I couldn't. I don't want to see--the look that would bein his eyes. He'd--never want to kiss me or--"Torres fidgeted impatiently. She didn't know what to say. It was true that Harry Kim wasinexperienced and had no first hand knowledge of the ugliness of war. She wasn't sure how hewould react to such ugliness either, but she knew silence wasn't the answer. The truth couldn'tbe evaded forever. "You can't know that unless you tell him.""I can't! I won't risk losing him!""Is that why you won't argue with him? Won't tell him how you feel? Because you're afraid?"B'Elanna sneered. "Could you tell Tom?" She jumped to her feet and swung to confront the tallerwoman. Anger was something Torres did know something about. Maybe a demonstration---"What?" Malista scrambled to her feet defensively, studying Torres puzzledly."I said you could tell Tom! You and Tom spend a whole lot of time talking, don't you?" the chiefengineer accused, arms akimbo."Yes. Sometimes we talk. Why?""About your pasts?" It sounded like an indictment.Malista frowned down at the shorter woman. "Yes. Why? Does it bother you? You know there'snothing going on between me and Tom. He's like a brother to me. Are you jealous?" she askedincredulously. She was beginning to be irritated by the Klingon's belligerent manner."Jealous?" Torres said, raising her voice. "Why should I be jealous? Of you?" She gibed,running her eyes up and down Malista's long, curvaceous body disdainfully."You sound jealous to me," Shadow said softly, a spark of anger lighting her eyes."He talks to you---he talks to Harry. Why won't he talk to me?" Torres demanded.Malista turned and started to walk away toward the lake shore.Torres snatched at her arm and spun her around. "Answer me! I finally got him to stop making ajoke every five minutes, but he still won't talk to me! I'm beginning to think he was neverserious about me in the first place. He clams up if I ask about his past---or about hisfeelings. Why does he talk to you and Harry and not to me?"Shadow's green eyes were hard. "Maybe because neither Harry or I have ever---" She broke off asshe tried to get control of her anger. She didn't want to say anything to hurt B'Elanna.Torres pulled on her arm. "Finish it! What were you going to say?""Let go of my arm." It was quiet, but definitely not a suggestion.The chief engineer tightened her grip. "Not until you tell me what I want to know."Malista resisted, pulling her arm forcefully out of B'Elanna's grip and turning away again. Shestarted walking toward the exit."Oh, that's what you're good at, right? Shoot a little dart out and then run away before youhave to face the consequences," Torres taunted.Shadow stiffened and stopped in her tracks. She revolved slowly, deliberately. "What do youwant from me?""The truth would be nice. Come on, Shadow! How many people do you think you can fool with thisact of yours? You act like you're scared to get all the men to feel protective! Then you lurethem into your trap. You've got half the men on the ship jumping through hoops. Were Tom andHarry a bigger challenge? Or is it that you want both of them? You want to see if you can comebetween them? That's it, isn't it?" Torres accused, striding forward to put herself right inShadow's face once more."No." Malista's face had become an expressionless mask, only her green eyes showed that spark ofanger was still burning, glowing more brightly."You may have the men fooled, but you can't fool me! How many men do you want? Harry? Tom? Allof them? Are you going to work your way through the whole ship? Trying to beat the Delaneys'record? I'll give you credit for one thing---you've really got Tom fooled. But then he does allhis thinking with his hormones. A pity his pretty head is so empty!" A bark of laughter escapedTorres.Malista clenched her fists at her side. "He's not a fool. He's a very intelligent man. You'rethe fool if you can't see beyond his good looks. I would never do anything to hurt Tom. Andyou'd better not either." The words were forced from between clenched teeth."Or what?" B'Elanna said defiantly. "I'll admit Tom's decorative. He's good company, but whatwoman in her right mind would take him seriously? He's a flirt, a womanizer---he'd probably jumpin bed with anyone---even you! Maybe he already has!""No! I can't believe you're saying these things! What's the matter with you? Tom cares aboutyou!" Malista's voice was rising, her dispassionate mask melting in the heat of the angry flushof color staining her neck and face."Oh, sure---today! And what about Harry?" Torres continued, provokingly, stepping back. "Doeshe like it when you follow him around like a puppy dog? Maybe that's the only kind ofrelationship he can handle. He's not real bright either, is he? I could teach him a thing or twoabout women---" She ran her hand down her body suggestively. "Maybe I should do him a favor. Ofcourse, he might not hold up---physically. He's not very strong---even for a human. But what's abroken bone or two among friends?""You stay away from Harry!" Malista shouted, moving closer to Torres and leaning down to getright in the shorter woman's face. "I don't know how you could have fooled Tom and Harry intothinking you were their friend---but I'm going to warn them about you! And if you get neareither one of them, if you hurt them---you won't a have a hair left on your head, you Klingonwitch! And to hell with Starfleet protocols!"All the apparent anger suddenly dropped away from Torres' face. She smiled smugly and started toapplaud. Malista backed off, totally confused."Did you lose your temper somewhere, Malista? I think I found it," Torres commented wryly."Damn, it takes a lot to get under that thick skin of yours!""You---you did that deliberately?" Shadow was trembling from reaction, her body not sure how toshift from fierce anger to relief in such a short period of time.Torres took her arm gently and guided her back to the picnic table, seating both of them on thebench. "You lost your temper and you didn't hurt me, did you? It was something you needed toknow. You really have a long fuse. I was running out of ideas for insults."Malista ran shaking fingers through her hair. "I can't believe you did that. How could you takea chance---I might have hurt you!"Torres shook her head. " You might be bigger than me, but I don't fight fair---and my Klingonhalf gives me an edge. But I wasn't worried about it. I told you---you aren't the type.""But I wanted to hit you---especially when you said that about Harry!""But you didn't," B'Elanna reminded her. "Kahless knows, I gave you enough provocation.Malista, you need to learn to channel your anger. Sometimes just yelling is enough to take theedge off. Sometimes physical activity helps. Like throwing things---hopefully not punches---orexercising. Running or swimming or something tiring."Shadow smiled weakly. "B'Elanna, you are really something.""Yeah, I am," the chief engineer replied with a smug smile. "Any other questions before weconclude our lesson on controlling anger?""Just one. When you have to fight, how do you keep from getting carried away---from goingberserk?" Malista dropped her eyes to the ground.Torres thought that one over for a moment. "I don't know if I have a good answer for thatone---but I think I know someone who would. George Natwick.""Natwick?" Shadow's tone telegraphed her surprise."He teaches self-defense. Part of that is learning to control fear and anger and keep them outof the way when you're in a combat situation," Torres explained. She grinned. "I know. NitwitNatwick is a jerk---with women. But he's good at his job or Tuvok would have had his head on aplate months ago.""Maybe I'll find him and ask his advice," Shadow said slowly.Torres touched her hand. "Just make sure you do it in a public place. I don't trust that guyalone with you---or any woman, for that matter.""Thanks---Sis," Malista said jokingly. "I will. I guess you didn't mean any of the things yousaid to make me angry?""No. Of course not," Torres replied. "If I really thought you were using ormanipulating Tom or Harry, you'd have known about it a long time ago. I don't keep things tomyself very well."They sat and enjoyed the scenery on the holodeck for a few moments as they cooled off and theirblood pressure returned to normal."Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Shadow asked finally."You aren't going to believe this," Torres said with a wicked grin. "I feel very relaxed.Fighting with you was good for me. I vented a lot of frustration."Shadow eyed her askance. "If you say so. I'm worn out. I feel like I just ran a marathon. Ithink I need a nap. Can I ask you something?""Sure.""Are you really jealous of my relationship with Tom?"B'Elanna shifted uncomfortably. "Not really. I know he literally has adopted you as a sister andthinks of you that way. I think he misses his older sisters. I do wish he'd talk to me the wayhe seems to talk to you. He won't discuss his past, his feelings about anything more importantthan books he's read---stuff like that.""And when you ask---?""He changes the subject---or tries to kiss me---or makes a stupid joke," B'Elanna confessed.Malista winced and nodded. "I've been doing the same thing to Harry. He doesn't like it either.And now Harry has started to---act funny. He doesn't---oh, I don't know. He watches me all thetime and when I ask him what's wrong---he says nothing. But I don't believe him. Sometimes Ithink he's jealous---but that's silly. We settled that issue when we decided we'd see each otherexclusively.""Maybe Harry just feels a little insecure. He'll get over it. I wouldn't worry about it. I dowant to know one thing, Malista. What were you going to say when I asked why Tom talks to youand Harry? You said 'Maybe because neither Harry orI---'. What?"Shadow shrugged. "I don't want to hurt your feelings, B'Elanna.""Then tell me the truth!" she demanded impatiently."Can you handle the truth?""I don't know until I hear it!"Shadow met her eyes directly as she replied. "Neither Harry or I have ever rejected Tom. Likeyou did. In the messhall that day.""We didn't have---we hadn't made a commitment to each other then," Torres replied defensively."You can't really say I rejected him. I told him I still wanted to be his friend.""You'd been getting closer, friendlier, even flirting with him---he was beginning to trust youand open up," Malista stated. "Then you---without warning, as far as he was concerned---suddenlychanged your mind. You decided you wanted to be 'just friends'. You pushed him away. Without areal reason. Can you wonder that he's not sure if he can trust you? Have you made a commitmentto him now? Have you opened up to him? B'Elanna, you have to earn his trust all over again. It'sgoing to take time.""And I'm not the most patient---" Torres began. "I never meant to hurt him. But you know whatbothers me? It's not just that he won't talk to me---it's that he never gets---upset. I neversee him knocked off balance. He never loses control."She pounded the table with her fists, attempting to vent her frustration. "I don't trust anyonewho never loses his temper.""And Tom doesn't trust anyone who doesn't cry," Shadow stated matter-of-factly. "You two havesome problems. You each want to stay in control of yourself, but you want the other to surrendercontrol. How are you going to work it out?""We can't work it out if he won't talk to me!" Torres snarled, leaping to her feet and beginningto pace."He's afraid to talk to you," Shadow said reluctantly. She didn't know how much she shouldsay---how much she could say. She was treading a fine line between helping a friend andbetraying a confidence."Afraid?" Torres snorted a disbelieving laugh. "Tom Paris, hotshot pilot? I didn't think he'dadmit to being afraid of anything."The taller woman shook her head sadly. "Underneath---the real Tom is a sensitive man. He caresdeeply and sometimes he---his emotions---He thinks if you see him---vulnerable---He knows aboutKlingon honor. He's afraid you'll think he's a coward or a weakling. He knows you've heard therumors about him, but what if he tells you which ones are true? He's afraid you'll bedisappointed once you get to know the real him---and you'll brush him off---again." Her finalword held a shade of condemnation."Before you push Tom into confiding in you, B'Elanna, you'd better be damned sure you can handlethe truth. If you can't---leave him alone. Break it off now, before you both get in any deeper.I don't think---I don't want to know the man Tom will become if you---" Tears filled her eyes."Just think carefully. I don't know how many more rejections Tom can deal with. There have beentoo many. And yes, he pretends he doesn't care, that it doesn't matter---that it's aself-fulfilling prophecy ---but he does care! He cares passionately. He's just learned not toshow it. Because if you show people where it hurts, it's like painting a target on your back---it shows them just where to hit you to hurt you the most."Torres took a deep breath. Her chest felt tight---or perhaps it was her heart, aching for TomParis---and for Malista---and for herself---they'd all learned that lesson from painfulexperience. B'Elanna hated to think Tom thought he had to protect himself from her. "You two area lot alike, aren't you?""Yes. Tom reminds me of some of the Greeks in my colony. My father's people are emotional---menand women alike---laugh, shout---and cry easily---It makes them a passionate people. Some of ushave learned to hide that passion for life---that sensitivity---to keep from getting hurt. "Malista's face might have been carved in stone, it was so lacking in expression. But, as withTom, her eyes expressed the unspoken pain she felt."I have to get back to work," Torres said, moving toward the exit as if escaping. "Thank you. Iwill think long and hard. I don't want to make another mistake."Malista watched her go then turned back toward the lake, breathing deeply and trying to regain asense of peace as she thought about Harry and their relationship. 'Maybe tonight,' she toldherself. 'Maybe tonight would be a good time to tell him---what he wants to know. To let himknow---that I want him. That I want more than kisses from him. If that's what he wants, too.Maybe he can help me learn how to...Maybe I won't be scared with Harry. He always makes me feelsafe. He's so reliable.'******************As soon as Harry Kim got off duty, he went to check on Malista Shadow. The computer had givenher location as Holodeck 1, which was running the resort program. He had covered most of theresort before he found her. No one else was around. That was probably why she felt comfortableusing the program and dressing appropriately. She was wearing a bathing suit, lying face down ona lounge chair next to the swimming pool. He grinned at the sight of those long, shapely, barelegs. He loved those legs.Harry started to call out to her then realized he might startle her as she lay basking in theholographic sunshine. He decided to wait till he got closer. As he neared, Freddie Bristow cameout from behind a partition and sat down next to her on the edge of the chair. He began to ruboil on her bare back.Harry felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. Malista wasn't even flinching away fromFreddie's touch. She'd had Harry convinced she was afraid to be touched in such an intimatemanner. And now she was letting Freddie Bristow---Harry spun on his heel and left the holodeck. If he'd waited ten seconds longer, he would havefelt much better and saved himself and everyone else a lot of heartache. Maybe.A half-sleeping Malista, becoming aware of the size and warmth of the hands on her back,abruptly awoke and sat up. Identifying Bristow, she shoved him off the lounge chair and dartedto her feet. "What happened to the holographic pool boy who was doing that?" she demanded,snatching up her robe and slipping it on to hide her body from Bristow's appreciative gaze."I deleted him?" Freddie returned, hauling himself to his feet with an appeasing, carefullycalculated smile. He had been interested in Malista Shadow for weeks and had decided this wasan ideal time to make his move. He found it impossible to believe she wasn't secretly delightedby his attentions. "I didn't mean to catch you by surprise. Why don't you lie down again? I'llrub oil on your legs." Malista stared at him in amused disbelief at the sheer gall of the man. "No, thank you. Andkeep your hands off!" she added emphatically."Aw, come on, Malista," he said cajolingly. "I just want to get to know you better." He wastall, young, strong, and handsome. She couldn't possibly prefer Harry Kim who was almost threeinches shorter than she was, and nowhere near as attractive as Freddie---in Freddie's opinionanyway."You're incredible!" Malista announced, spinning on her heel and stalking away.Freddie pondered that for a few minutes. Was she being sarcastic? Or merely playing hard to get?**************Tom Paris was in the process of changing into his civilian clothes when his door chime sounded."Come," he said as he pulled a blue tee-shirt over his head.Harry Kim stalked in and flung himself onto the recliner in Tom's living area. "Women!"Tom raised an amused eyebrow. "Are you just now figuring that out?"Harry glared at him. Stomping around in his quarters for forty-five minutes hadn't calmed him.If anything, his mood was worse. He felt ready to explode. Actually, the feeling had beenbuilding for days---like a bonfire being built stick by stick. Now the fuse had been lit."What now?" Tom said, dropping easily into the arm chair opposite Kim."Malista.""Oh.""What do you mean 'Oh'?" Kim said, somewhat belligerently.Tom shrugged calmly. "I don't know. What do you want me to mean?"Harry shook his head, leaned back against the headrest, and fixed his eyes on the ceiling."Do you want to talk about it?""Not especially."Paris frowned at his friend. "Then what are you doing here?"Harry sighed. "I don't have anyone else to talk to.""Then talk to me."Harry eyed him for a moment. "I don't know if I should.""Why not?" Paris said with some degree of exasperation."Because I don't want to---I don't want to make you have to choose between Malista and me."Tom winced. "That bad?""Yeah." Kim looked thoroughly depressed."Go ahead. What did she do?""She was in the resort with Freddie Bristow!" Harry exploded. "We're supposed to be dating eachother exclusively---and there she was as big as life---in the resort with Freddie Bristow!""Come on, Harry," Paris said placatingly. "The resort is an open program. Everyone comes andgoes there.""He was rubbing oil on her back!"Tom winced again. "Whew," he whistled."And she says she doesn't like to be touched! HA! She probably wouldn't even let ME do that!"Kim bounced to his feet and stood in front of Paris, accusingly. He seemed to be demanding anexplanation."Did you---ask her---""No! Of course not! I left the minute I saw them!""Well, then," Tom said reasonably, "you don't know if it was a date or just an accident thatthey were there together.""He was rubbing oil on her back!" Harry repeated forcefully and indignantly. "Her *naked* back!""Hold it!" Paris shouted, suddenly incensed. "She was *NAKED*?!""No! Don't be an idiot!" Kim retorted scathingly."You said she was *naked *!""I did not! I said her *back* was naked---and he was rubbing oil on it!"Paris' brows met in the middle as he tried to understand. "Wait! So her back was naked, but therest of her wasn't?"Kim threw him an exasperated glare. "She was wearing a swim suit!"The pilot relaxed back into his chair. "Oh, well, good. Well, what else would she be wearing atthe resort? Did she look good in it?" He sent a wicked grin at his friend."What?! Paris, of course she looked good---too good! And that *baktag* Bristow had his hands allover her! And she *wasn't* objecting!" He'd learned a few Klingon insults in his associationwith Torres."Do you think he drugged her? Or got her drunk?" Paris asked, half seriously. He couldn't thinkof a more plausible explanation for Malista's allowing Freddie Bristow or anyone else---exceptmaybe Harry---to touch her so intimately without objecting."No. Even Freddie's not that desperate," Kim muttered, resuming his pacing.Paris smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Of course, that's it!""What's it?!" Kim growled irritably."If she was asleep, she might not have known it was Freddie!""Who else could it be?"Paris stood and blocked his friend's path. "Come on, Harry. You know the answer to that one.Most people use the holographic people to apply oil and fetch towels, that kind of thing. Shemay have thought it was a hologram putting the oil on her back. She's not afraid of holograms.They aren't programmed to get fresh. And if they do, all you have to do is delete them.""How can I find out? If she doesn't want--- what if she wants to see other people?""Ask her.""Yeah, sure," Kim said sarcastically.Paris sank back into his chair. "Okay. You don't like the direct approach? How about casuallymentioning Freddie Bristow? If she's been cheating on you with him, you'll get a guilt reaction.Malista isn't sophisticated enough to hide her feelings that well---yet. We're supposed to meetB'Elanna and Malista at Sandrine's for dinner in ten minutes anyway. Come on, Harry. What'sreally going on? I thought you settled the jealousy issue when Malista quit playing games withthe Delaneys."Harry's shoulders slumped. He looked the picture of discouragement. "I don't know. She won'tcommunicate with me. If I try to get her to talk about anything that matters,she---uh---distracts me.""How does she do that?" Paris teased, suspecting the answer.Harry glared at him. "You know. She starts kissing me or---touches me. If that doesn't work, shefinds an excuse and leaves. Why won't she talk to me?"Paris shrugged uncomfortably. Harry's description was beginning to remind him forcefully ofcomplaints from Torres about his own refusal to open up. "Maybe she's afraid. Of your reaction.You might not like what you hear."Kim frowned, deep in thought. "And she never argues!""You *want* her to argue?" Paris raised an eyebrow."As opposed to being a---doormat, yes!" Harry exclaimed. "She never gets angry or tells me no,she just leaves---she disappears. Even if she's in the same room---if you know what I mean. Iknow I made her mad when I tried to get her to perform at our next concert, but she wouldn'teven admit to that. She makes up excuses. She's not being honest with me about her feelings. Andif she's not honest about her feelings, how can I trust her---" He broke off. He hadn't gottennear the subject of what was really bothering him, but this was getting a little too personaland Tom was beginning to look extremely uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation."Oh, never mind. We'll work it out.""Sure, you will. Just be patient," Paris advised. He almost thanked his friend for giving him aglimpse of how B'Elanna must feel when he refused to share his feelings with her. But thatwouldn't be tactful. "And don't worry about Freddie Bristow. I'm sure there's a perfectlyreasonable explanation.""I don't know," the ensign said glumly."Come on! I think you've got hold of the wrong end of the stick. Malista adores you! And wellshe should, you adorable little man," Paris teased, pinching at his friend's cheek.Harry slapped his hand away. "Try not to be an idiot! And don't call me little!"*****************Sandrine's was fairly crowded. Luckily, B'Elanna and Malista had managed to snag a table andwere waiting for Tom and Harry. Sue Nicoletti and Jenny Delaney were hovering nearby, talking tothem. Just as Harry came up beside Malista, the four women burst into laughter."What's so funny?" Tom asked, bending to kiss Torres' cheek in greeting. It had quickly become ahabit. Though Torres wasn't fond of public displays of affection, she tolerated them."Freddie Bristow," Torres said, clasping his hand as he seated himself and pulled his chaircloser to her side.Tom exchanged fulminating glances with Harry. "So what has he been up to this time?""His usual single-minded pursuit of women," Sue said disgustedly."He made a pass at me this afternoon," Malista said, shaking her head disbelievingly. "At theresort. He deleted the holographic pool boy and took his place."Jenny looked thoughtful. "You know, I think we should circulate a petition to have that boyneutered."The women burst into shrieks of laughter at that idea. The men didn't think it was funny at alland frowned.Harry reached for Malista's hand. "Are you okay?" He felt incredibly stupid and incrediblyguilty for doubting her---whether she knew about it or not.She smiled at him. "Yes. My name must have come up on his list. I assume he's working his waydown the crew manifest. He just had to try, I guess."Kim smiled wistfully. "He'd have to be crazy not to try. You're beautiful." He stroked her cheekwith his fingertips.Malista blushed and captured his hand in her own. Jenny and Sue glanced at each other. "Why doI suddenly feel de trop?" Sue asked rhetorically. "Come on, Jenny! Let's leave this foursome totheir dinner.""Okay. If we can't have him neutered, then how else can we get even with him?" Jenny asked asthey strolled away. She still bore a grudge against Bristow for trying to date her and her twinat the same time. How he'd hoped to keep each sister from finding out that he was dating theother was a mystery no one had solved. Especially since he'd arranged the two datesconsecutively on the same night."Lord, I hope Sue can rein in Jenny's imagination," Paris said fervently.Harry squeezed Malista's hand. "Do you want to help them plot revenge?""No, I don't think so," she said, grinning at Harry. "He's harmless. Freddie is merely convincedthat he's God's personal gift to women everywhere.""What a fool!" Tom commented lazily. "Everyone knows that's me! The line forms to the right,ladies!" He waved his arm in a wide gesture. The patrons of Sandrine's ignored him.Torres thumped his shoulder. "Knock it off, Paris!" She was grinning."Well," he replied, "you certainly look a little calmer today. I heard the captain told you totake some time off to rest. You must have gotten in some good quality time."To his surprise, B'Elanna's eyes danced with laughter as she traded looks with Malista who wasalso smothering a smile."What? What did you do with your time off?" Paris demanded.The ladies shook their heads and didn't answer."Harry, I sense a conspiracy!" he announced melodramatically.Harry was enjoying watching Malista smile, but wondered why she didn't want to tell him whatshe'd been doing. Did she have something to hide?"How are you feeling?" he asked, ignoring Paris' antics. "Still sore from the accident?"She shrugged. "A little. That's why I went to the resort---to bake the soreness from my musclesin the sunshine---even holographic sunshine.""Then Freddie showed up and ruined it."She seemed surprised at Harry's rancor toward Bristow. "It was nothing, Harry. I wish you couldhave come to the resort though." She leaned closer and whispered, "I'm sure your hands wouldhave warmed the oil much better than the hologram's." She flicked his earlobe with her tongueand suppressed a giggle when he flinched and caught his breath.He sat back in his chair and stared at her. He wondered why she was being so---affectionate. Wasshe trying to keep him from asking questions? "You're in a good mood tonight."She was beginning to relax enough to tease Harry. She smiled flirtatiously at him. "You thinkI'm in a good mood now, just wait until---""Stop! My innocent ears can't handle this!" Paris exclaimed. "Now are we going to eat dinner, orwhat?""Are you going to stop clowning or what?" Torres muttered under her breath, suddenly tired ofhis nonsense.The smile dropped away as Tom's eyes darted anxiously towards her. "Sorry, B'Elanna. I didn'tmean to---" He stopped, because he wasn't sure what he'd done to provoke her.Torres covered his hand with her own. "No, I'm sorry, Tom. I shouldn't have said that. You'rehaving a good time. Supervising double shifts is beginning to wear on me."He was surprised she'd relented. But he appreciated it. He sent her one of his rare, genuinesmiles, amusement flickering in the crystal blue depths. Smile Number Eight. He turned his handunder hers to grasp her fingers. "And what have you been up to? How are things down below inEngineering?""Busy. I don't want to talk about it. How are things up above on the bridge?" Torres asked."Harry found a source of deuterium in the next planetary system," Paris replied."Do we have to talk about work?" Malista asked. "Let's do something different." For her, thiswas a bold move. She usually followed the lead of the others."Like what?" Kim couldn't understand her sudden buoyant good spirits. Something had happenedtoday. And if it wasn't Freddie Bristow, what could it have been? Maybe someone else had made apass at her? Maybe she wasn't interested in Freddie because there was someone else? Hisimagination was running riot though it didn't show on his face."Like---isn't it about time that Tom showed us how he can play that piano?" she suggestedmischievously.Torres jumped in immediately. "Yes. I think so. Come on, Tom. Let's hear a song. This place isdying from lack of entertainment."Tom shook his head. "There are too many people here.""That's why they call it a performance, Tom," Harry commented. "Come on! Show us what you cando! Nobody else is paying attention."Tom gazed at his three companions. Harry and Malista were smiling encouragingly. B'Elannaregarded him seriously. Her brown eyes opened wide as she added her own argument. "Please? I'dlike to hear you play."Tom inhaled and blew out a deep breath. If B'Elanna wanted it---"You guys don't know what you'reasking for. You should lower your expectations right away. But---okay." The trio followed himto the piano.The crowd in Sandrine's noticed and quietly moved their chairs so they could watch what Pariswas up to. As far as anyone present knew, the piano was just added as atmosphere. No one hadever played it.Paris made a great show of limbering up his fingers, then rested them lightly on the keys. "Anyrequests?"Harry shrugged. "I don't know your repertoire." He stood on Paris' right.Torres, standing on his left, placed a hand on his shoulder. "Play something you like.Anything."Malista stood next to Harry and offered Tom another encouraging smile as she leaned against theupright side of the piano. Kidding around, Tom performed a few dramatic riffs up and down thekeys. His blue eyes widened and stared into B'Elanna's as he began to play. It was a beautifulpiece of music. It sounded like a ballad---and it seemed familiar to Shadow and Torres. Stillgazing at B'Elanna, Tom began to sing quietly in a lilting tenor voice. "I have dreamed thee too long, Never saw thee, or touched thee But know thee with all of my heart. Half a prayer, half a song, Thou hast always been with me, Though we have been always apart. Dulcinea, Dulcinea, I see heaven when I see thee, Dulcinea. And thy name is like a prayer an angel whispers. Dulcinea, Dulcinea. If I reach out to thee, Do not tremble and shrink from the touch Of my hand on thy hair, If my fingers but see, Thou art warm and alive and no phantom To fade in the air. Dulcinea, Dulcinea, I have sought thee, sung thee, dreamed thee, Dulcinea. Dulcinea. Now I've found thee And the world shall know thy glory, Dulcinea, Dulcinea."Tom hadn't meant to become the center of attention. His was a private performance. But asilence had fallen in Sandrine's and now the only sound was Tom's voice and his music. As hebecame aware of it, he broke off and changed tunes, segueing into another song, directing hiseyes and his attention to the keyboard. His polite facade was firmly in place once more.Torres was having difficulty breathing. He knew she'd recognize the song from the play they'dseen in a holographic performance a few weeks ago. He had serenaded her. In public. The man whodidn't like to show his feelings. He was putting them on display---for her. Of course, he wasstill hiding behind the music as if it were just a performance---but still! This was progress."Oh, I know that one," Malista said with a happy grin. Her back was to the listening crowd.Unaware of their interest, she began to sing in a strikingly pure alto, gazing at Harry Kim. "The skies are green and glowing, Where my heart is, where my heart is, Where the scented lunar flower is growing. Somewhere beyond the sky, beyond Antares."Paris joined her, their voices blending as if they'd practiced for weeks. "I'll be back though it takes forever, Forever is just a day. Forever is just another journey. Tomorrow---a step along the way." "Then let the years go fading Where my heart is, where my heart is, My love eternally is waiting Somewhere beyond the sky, beyond Antares."As they finished singing, Tom smiled up at her approvingly. There was a collective sigh fromthose listening partially in appreciation of the smooth, sensual blending of their voices andpartially because the song's lyrics were haunting for those who were so far from home. Some hadleft their loves waiting in the Alpha Quadrant, which was literally beyond Antares. There were afew sniffling sounds heard in the dim lighting of the bar.Malista jumped self-consciously as those present began to applaud. She shrank into Harry'swelcoming arms. He was smiling. "You have a beautiful voice, Malista. Play something else, Tom."Good music always lightened his mood."Do you want to sing anything special?" Paris asked."No," Shadow denied. "I don't sing in public." She hid her hot face in Harry's neck, threadingher fingers through his thick inky hair as she nestled against him, nuzzling his neck.Tom flashed her a grin. "Don't look now, Sis, but you just did.""I only sang that one because I knew it. And I forgot anyone else was here. I had a recordingmade by Nyota Uhura," Shadow explained."I have that recording too. I have quite a few musical selections from the Uhura Museum ofMusicology Collection," Paris said. "Let's see, how about something everyone can sing alongwith?" He ran his fingers up and down the keys while he thought about it. A movement near thedoorway caught his eye. Lt. Tuvok had just entered Sandrine's. The Security Officer's presenceinspired Paris. He began to play and everyone---except Tuvok---launched into the first offifteen verses of "What Do You Do With A Grumpy Vulcan?".Tuvok eyed the entire proceedings with a disdainfully raised eyebrow---which just made theraucous verses even more amusing to the group of singers.At the conclusion, Paris stood and melodramatically took a bow. He extended a hand towardShadow. She took the second curtain call with him. Then the foursome adjourned to the table andordered dinner.*************Paris walked Torres to her cabin. They had their arms around each other. "Tom, what doesDulcinea mean?"Tom cleared his throat uneasily. "It comes from a Latin word and means 'sweet or delightful'."He suppressed a wince. He wasn't sure how she'd react.Torres keyed the code to her cabin door, and pulled Paris inside. As the door slid shut behindthem she thrust him up against the wall and placed her hands on either side of him to keep himin place. She looked up into his face. "Thank you. No one ever sang a song just for me before.It was beautiful."She could read in his expression that he was tempted to make a joke, to lighten the atmosphere.Fortunately, he resisted temptation. "I'm glad you liked it. I wasn't sure---if you'd beembarrassed or---"She grabbed the nape of his neck and pulled his lips down to hers and devoured them with a kiss.When they paused for a moment to breathe, he gasped, "I guess you weren't embarrassed." Shegrowled at him and nipped lightly at his neck. He tipped her chin up again to gaze into herchocolate eyes. "You are one beautiful lady.""I almost believe you mean that," Torres said, trying to escape his grasp.He refused to let her go, forcing her to look him in the eyes once more. "I do mean it.B'Elanna, I don't understand how you can't see it." He ran his finger caressingly down thecenter of her forehead. "I love these bumps," he whispered.She eyed him skeptically, thinking he had to be joking. "What?"He tilted his head to study them at an angle. "Yeah. They kind of make a little road map,pointing the way down to your beautiful," he nipped at her lower lip, "lovely, mouth. Not that Ineed a map." He created a trail with his lips, working his way from her chin to her hairline,speaking between kisses. "I can't believe how---lucky, how blessed I am to have met you---I havea hard time believing that this isn't all a dream. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up---and you andVoyager and Harry and Malista---will all be figments of my imagination and I'll still be in NewZealand." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.She studied him for a moment. She was tempted to get him to talk about New Zealand---and howhe'd gotten there, but she remembered what Malista had said to her on the holodeck---that beforeshe pushed Tom into confiding in her, Torres had better be sure she could handle the truth---nomatter what it might be.Heavy discussions could wait. But a distraction was definitely called for. She moved her arms upto encircle his neck. "This is real, Helmboy!" she insisted. "If you don't believe me---" Shepressed her body against his---and bit his trapezium muscle."OW!" Paris yelped, his eyes flying open. "Torres, the traditional way to convince someone theyaren't dreaming is to pinch them---not chew them!""Cry baby!" she accused with a grin. "I can do pinching too." One hand dropped toward hisbackside.He caught her wrists and pinned her hands lightly behind her back. "You're a dangerous woman,"he complained insincerely. There it was! Smile Number Nine ---eyes sparkling, genuine, brilliantsmile. This was the smile Torres wished to see all the time.She growled and snapped her teeth at him. "That's what you get for being such a temptation,hotshot. You look like dessert to me. Your skin looks like cream over strawberries---especiallywhen you blush---Yeah! Like that!"Paris could feel his skin heating and knew he was turning pink. The curse of a fair complexion."Enough biting already. If you're still hungry---""Tom!""What?""Stop talking---and kiss me!"Lieutenant Tom Paris knew how to follow orders. So he did.******************Harry escorted Malista back to her cabin. She was snuggling against his arm and shoulder andusing her free hand to trace the outline of his cheek and jawline. She let herself be distractedfrom displaying her affection for him for a moment so she could key in the code for her door. Asthe door slid open, Harry hesitated.Malista didn't notice and grabbed his hand, towing him inside her quarters. She led him to thecouch, let him seat himself then sat right next to him, prepared to do a little cuddling. Itseemed Harry had other ideas.He drew away from her and turned his body at a forty-five degree angle, making it more difficultfor her to get close to him. She moved back warily, not understanding his lack of response."Harry, are you all right? Is something wrong?""Let's talk," he said, trying for a smile. His mind was awhirl with topics he wanted to raise."Okay." She waited. He said nothing, just looked vaguely uneasy. She lifted her eyebrows at him."What did you want to talk about?""You're in a very good mood tonight," Kim commented again. It didn't sound like he was happyabout it."I am," Shadow agreed. She smiled and tried to take his hand, but he slipped it out of herreach. Fighting a sense of rejection, she folded her hands in her lap and sat up straight."What's wrong with that?""Nothing," Harry blurted. "Nothing's wrong with it. I just don't understand why you'reso---outgoing and---affectionate all of a sudden."Her green eyes were solemn. "It isn't all of a sudden, Harry. It's been growing for a while."He looked at her blankly, unconvinced."Well, actually, maybe I am in a better mood today than usual," she added placatingly. "Thedoctor says I can resume my duties tomorrow."Harry's expression didn't lighten. "Are you sure you're physically healed?""The doctor is. Harry, what is it?" she asked nervously as he stared at her with a strange,distant look on his face."So what else did you do today?" Kim asked, watching her expression intently---almost as iftrying to read her mind---or trying to decide if she was answering truthfully."I helped Neelix in the kitchen---oh, you know that! You saw me at lunch then--" She paused tothink, not sure what he really wanted to know. "Then B'Elanna came to lunch, and the captainjoined us. Everyone loved the souvlaki. It was my grandmother's recipe---and Neelix didn't---""And after lunch?" Harry interrupted. That was unusual. Normally, he was a model of politebehavior. He never interrupted.She decided she must be telling him too many details. Maybe he wanted a general idea. "I went tothe holodeck.""The resort?""No, that was later. The first time I was at Lake Como.""Alone?" There was a hint of sharpness in the word.She didn't like this one bit. He sounded accusatory. "No," she began to match his abruptness. Hefrowned at her. She was beginning to frown herself. "Actually, B'Elanna joined me for a while.""B'Elanna?!"She could tell that wasn't an answer he'd expected. "Yes, you can ask her if you like," sheadded in an attempt to appease him.Harry shook his head. "Why would I want to do that?""I don't know, Harry. Why would you? Would you please tell me what this is all about?" sheasked, torn between impatience and hurt."What is what all about?" Kim feigned ignorance, but couldn't meet her eyes.She flounced off the couch and faced him, forcing him to look up at her. "What is thisinterrogation about? What is it you think I've done? You've been acting weird all night. Allday. For several days for that matter. What is the problem?"He was almost surprised. She'd never been so direct before. "I don't know. Why don't you tellme? What is the problem, Malista?"She shook her head, totally confused. "Harry, what's going on here? Is this about the accident?Are you still blaming yourself?" It was the only explanation for his atypical behavior that cameto her mind."Why?" His head snapped up, and he got to his feet, facing her with his arms crossed. He lookeddefensive. "Do you blame me for it?""No," she said insistently. "It was just an accident. It wasn't your fault or anyone else's.""Chell says you changed out the coupling anyway---with the power still on!" he accused.She flinched. She knew he was a very by-the-book Starfleet officer. She'd known he'd disapproveand hoped he wouldn't find out about that. "I know that's not exactly according to Starfleetprotocols---""No, it isn't. Were you trying to get yourself killed? Was it another suicide attempt?"She felt her mind reeling from the unexpected attack. "No!" She couldn't believe that would evencross his mind! "The situation was urgent---the power coupling was going to go out! I couldtell---and if we'd lost power then---you said yourself we couldn't afford to lose power to theshields! Harry, this isn't like you!""It isn't? What, I'm not supposed to question your reckless behavior? You almost got yourselfkilled! Are you sure that wasn't the idea?" Harry heard himself saying outrageous things---buthe couldn't seem to stop himself. He wanted her to--- he wasn't sure any more what he wanted.She closed her eyes momentarily, trying to calm herself and think clearly. "Harry, I don't knowhow to convince you---"Her soothing voice had exactly the opposite effect of what she intended. She was hiding from himagain. She wouldn't tell him the truth. "Fine. Then let's talk about Freddie Bristow."Her eyes snapped open to stare at him in astonishment. "Freddie Bristow? What about him?"His jaw clenching, he returned her stare grimly. "Or maybe there's someone else you've beenspending your free time with, while you've been off duty?""What?!" The injustice, the unfairness, and the unexpectedness of the question totally flooredher. She walked away from him toward the viewport. She couldn't stand to be close to him---notwhen he was behaving like some kind of raving lunatic. This was not the Harry Kim she had cometo know in the past six weeks. This man was a stranger---and he was scaring her."Harry, I thought we settled this weeks ago. We said we were going to be open and honest witheach other---no more games. We also said we would be seeing each other exclusively. That was theexact word you used. Exclusively. And that's what I agreed to. I don't want---other men," shesaid almost pleading. "I want you. Believe me!""Are you sure you aren't just curious? About sex? How do I know you aren't using me to satisfyyour curiosity---because I'm safe? Because young Ensign Kim is safe? Is there anyone else on theship less---threatening?" He sounded bitter. "You want to let me teach you some 'life lessons',use me to learn about men, then move on to other new experiences, right?""Harry," she whispered, then choked as she couldn't think of a response to an idea so foreign toher way of thinking.He remained standing in the center of the room. Speaking half to himself, he muttered, "Atleast I never had to worry about Libby like this. She never tried to make me jealous.""What did you say?" Malista said slowly, her voice low, harsh, and perfectly enunciating eachsyllable."I said, Libby never treated me this way," Harry said more loudly. "I could trust her. Shedidn't flirt with other men. We shared something special, something wonderful. She would talk tome, not play games. I didn't have to guess what she wanted---she'd tell me the truth---not justwhat I wanted to hear!"Her face an icy mask, she revolved slowly to face him. "Go away, Harry," she said coldly."What?" He hadn't expected that. She usually avoided confrontation and changed the subject.He'd hoped she'd tell him off."Get out." When he didn't move, she raised her right hand and pointed to the door. "Get out ofmy quarters. Right now." Her voice was emotionless, dispassionate.She didn't care. She must not care about him at all. She'd just been using him to satisfy hercuriosity about---physical relationships. Now she'd move on to someone else. If she cared---shewould answer his accusations---with fire! The way B'Elanna would. Harry turned and walked outof the cabin.As the door slid shut behind him, Malista thought, not for the first time, that it was a shameyou couldn't slam doors on a starship. She felt a need to slam something. She strode to hertable, picked up the vase of flowers---roses that Harry had brought her---and hurled it againstthe wall near the door. The crash and splintering of the glass were small consolation. She sankto her knees beside the couch, buried her face in her arms and sobbed.****************Tom was in a great mood. He and B'Elanna had made it through one whole evening without gettinginto an argument or speaking a cross word. Their relationship was improving every day---everymoment. He superstitiously crossed his fingers---just in case.As he sauntered into the messhall for breakfast, he wondered if the lights were actuallybrighter than usual or if it was his imagination because he felt so wonderful.Then Tom spotted Harry Kim, sitting alone at a corner table, his shoulders slumped, hair rumpledfrom running his fingers through it---looking like he'd been on a three day bender.Taking his tray to Harry's table, Paris slid into the chair opposite his friend silently. Hewiped the smile off his face as he took in Harry's bloodshot eyes and the dark circles underthem. "Not sleeping well?" Tom said quietly."Why are you whispering?" Kim asked listlessly.Tom returned to his normal volume. "I thought you were hung over.""Well, I'm not!" Kim snapped. "I leave that kind of behavior to you." He clasped his coffee cupwith both hands and brought it to his lips.Tom nodded. "Okay. Fine. Whatever. I'll leave you to it." He got to his feet with his tray, hisface impassive, his mood suddenly a little less bright.Harry knew he'd hurt his friend though Tom was determined not to show it. "Tom! Sit down. I'msorry." He paused till Paris had complied with his request. "It's not you. And I'm not hungover. I didn't sleep much last night.""You seemed fine when we left Sandrine's. What was the problem?" Paris asked tentatively, tryingnot to sound too pushy. "Indigestion?" Their late meal had been a little on the heavyside---but delicious."No." Harry focused his eyes on the remaining coffee in his cup. He rubbed the bridge of hisnose with his thumb and index finger."Do you have a headache?""Yes.""Want to go to Sickbay?"Harry just looked at him."Okay, no Sickbay. Would it help to talk about it?"Kim shook his head angrily. "No. I just made a total ass of myself last night.""Oh," Paris said sympathetically. He'd been there. Done that. More than once. "One of thosenights, huh?""And Malista will probably never speak to me again!""Uh-oh."Harry ran his fingers through his hair impatiently---not for the first time that morning. "Whendid I become a jealous idiot? Did the transition sneak up on me or what?""You didn't?" Paris scoffed. "Freddie Bristow?"Harry nodded."Oh, Harry! You knew that was nothing!" Paris sat back in his chair, and took a sip of hiscoffee."I know. I just don't understand---why did I let it bother me? I knew she wasn't interested inhim---but I---you wouldn't *believe* the things I said, Tom! I don't believe them!" He bangedhis hand against his forehead. "I couldn't seem to stop myself. All my insecurities just cameboiling out---and she still wouldn't get mad at me! She didn't yell or call me an idiot---ortell me I was wrong. She stood there and let me---She must not care about me at all," heconcluded morosely."Harry, I don't know what to tell you. I had the idea she--- she was falling in love with you."Paris' brow crinkled thoughtfully. "Why did you expect her to yell? She isn't the yelling type.She doesn't explode like B'Elanna.""That's the point. With B'Elanna, you always know where you stand! I can't tell what Malista isthinking. She won't tell me! I tried to get her to answer me last night! I even told her thatLibby didn't act that way," he protested.Paris sat forward and grabbed Harry's forearm, his expression horrified. "No! Tell me youdidn't!""Didn't what?"Tom shook his head sorrowfully. "You did! You said the L word!""L word?" Kim asked bemusedly, unsure if Tom was just being dramatic or if there was cause forconcern."You said 'Libby'.""Yeah? So?""Harry, Harry, Harry!" Paris said, despairing of his friend's good sense. "Younever---*never*---compare the women in your life! That's lesson number one! Did you skip thatchapter?""I wasn't exactly comparing them," he mumbled."It doesn't matter if you don't think so. She's going to think you are," Tom informed him. "Andshe'll never---ever---forget what you said. You are in it really deep now, Harry Kim.""You don't even know what I said.""It doesn't matter. You just don't get it, do you? " Paris said, sighing exasperatedly. "Youbrought Libby into it---you just told Malista you still think about Libby.""Of course, I still think about her. I love her.""Sssh!" Tom shushed him urgently. "Stop saying that!""Malista knows I love Libby. I told her so," Harry said."That was before you started dating Malista, right?""Right.""Well, now she doesn't want to hear that!""If she knows it, she knows it," Harry said. "Hearing it or not hearing it, isn't going tochange anything!""Stop trying to be a logical, rational, engineering type, Harry! She may know it, but shedoesn't want to hear it," Paris insisted. "If she doesn't hear it, she can pretend Libby doesn'texist---and that you aren't comparing everything she says and does to your perfect girlfriendback home!""I never said Libby was perfect!""No, but how would you like to compete with someone who's an idol to the person you're inlove---you care about? In a competition you're always going to lose? There's no way to win!"Harry felt a sudden certainty that he had mentioned Libby on more than one occasion---and he wasunsure how Malista had felt about it. Did she resent it? She'd never said so, but then shehadn't been very forthcoming in expressing herself. Maybe she was waiting for him---No, shewould have said something if it really bothered---wouldn't she? Remembering her silence thenight before---under extreme provocation---Harry wasn't so sure she would have spoken up."How do you know so much about it?" Harry asked sullenly.Paris fixed his eyes on his plate. His sunny mood had now thoroughly dissipated. "Experience,"he finally said diffidently. He didn't want to think about his own problems with B'Elanna'sadmiration of Chakotay right now. He checked the time. "We now have ten minutes before we reportto the staff meeting. I think you need to go freshen up, Harry. Maybe the situation with Malistaisn't as bad as you think.""Yeah, right." The ensign disappeared, leaving Paris picking listlessly at the food on his tray.*****************Captain Kathryn Janeway's eyes made a quick surveillance of the expressions of her senior staffmembers before dismissing the meeting. It had been one of the quietest and strangest meetingsthey'd ever experienced.Ensign Harry Kim, usually alert and interested in every aspect of the ship's status, hadstraggled in looking as though someone had pulled him through a knothole backwards. He was notmeeting anyone's eyes, but seemed to be especially avoiding looking at Torres and Paris.Paris had strolled in, trying to appear cheerful, but not quite convincing anyone. His eyes keptdarting warily between Kim and Torres as if he were considering something he'd never thought ofbefore and was unsure what their reaction would be.B'Elanna had been in good spirits until she got close to Paris and sensed that he was upset.She'd settled into a brooding state, dividing her attention between Paris and Kim, sensing alevel of tension between the two.Neelix was miffed because the entire crew had let him know they wanted more dishes like thesouvlaki he'd served for lunch the day before---and that wasn't even his recipe. His feelingswere hurt by the general lack of appreciation for his efforts at producing Delta Quadrantcuisine. Kes, Chakotay, Tuvok, and Janeway seemed to be the only members present who were notoff their stride."Dismissed," Janeway said, watching with a measure of concern as Torres, Kim, Paris, and Neelixwalked quickly out of the room trying their best to ignore each other. Tuvok followed them. Thecaptain turned her gray eyes on Kes.The diminutive blond shook her head slightly. "Neelix will get over it. I'll talk to him.""Do you know what's going on with the other three?" Janeway asked. "Did Tom and Harry have adisagreement?" That would explain the tension---and why B'Elanna was watching both of them.Kes shook her head again. "I saw Tom and Harry at breakfast. Tom looked very---happy when hecame in. Harry was looking gloomy so Tom went to talk to him. It didn't seem like they werearguing with each other exactly---but they were both upset by the time they left the messhall."Chakotay shrugged when Janeway looked at him. "Everything was fine last night at Sandrine's. Youmissed Tom and Malista performing a duet---with surprisingly good voices. Then we had a singalong. When they left after dinner, all four of them seemed all right."Janeway sighed. "Maybe it will all blow over. Let's go see about that deuterium in thisplanetary system." She was almost looking forward to entering into negotiations with a newrace, rather than dealing with shipboard tensions.****************If the tension had run high in the staff meeting, it was nothing to the level it reached whenB'Elanna called for two repair teams to come to the bridge. The power couplings in the criticalsystems had been replaced immediately as a first priority. Now there was time enough to replacethe power couplings in the non-critical systems.The repair teams that came to the bridge consisted of Malista Shadow, Chell, Gerron, and SusanNicoletti. The moment the turbolift doors opened to admit the foursome with their toolkits inhand, Captain Janeway noticed an increase in the rigidity of Ensign Kim's posture, though hisface remained carefully blank.'Ah,' Kathryn thought, 'it's not a Paris/Kim problem. It's Kim/Shadow problem. And Paris hasinvolved himself. Which means B'Elanna will get into it as well.' She cringed at that idea.'This could get messy.'Tom eyed Shadow assessingly as she and the others went to the Engineering position to consultwith Torres. The chief engineer followed Paris' gaze. Shadow, overnight, had closed herselfoff. She had reverted to the silent, unemotional, withdrawn persona that had kept herpractically invisible among Voyager's crew for three years. Her face was paler than normal evenunder the makeup she wore. The makeup couldn't hide the fact that her eyes were reddened, a suresymptom of either a sleepless night or a crying jag---or both. Even Chell, who was normallyoblivious to the moods of others, seemed subdued and concerned about his partner.Torres got right down to business. She'd find out what was going on later---and do somethingabout it. She didn't know who was to blame---Harry Kim or Malista Shadow---but *one* of them hadupset Tom Paris. He'd been feeling on top of the world when he left her cabin last night. Now,he looked like a world or a small portion of one had landed on his shoulders.As far as B'Elanna Torres was concerned, *no one* was allowed to upset Tom Paris. Not given tointrospection, she chose not to dwell on the surge of protectiveness she felt toward thehelmsman, but diverted her energy into assigning the teams to sections of the bridge panels.There was no way for Harry Kim to avoid seeing Malista Shadow as she went about doing her job.From his position at Ops, every part of the bridge was within his line of sight. He did his bestto keep his eyes on his instruments. He happened to glimpse up once just as Chell walked by, tofind the Bolian peering at him suspiciously through narrowed eyes. Harry recoiled from theenmity he saw there and ran a second totally unnecessary diagnostic on the Ops station."Approaching the deuterium source, Captain," Lieutenant Paris reported."Begin a sensor sweep, Mr. Kim," Captain Janeway ordered."Aye, Captain." He performed the functions almost mechanically. The bridge was quiet thatshift. Too quiet. It was the quiet before the storm. Though it would take some time for thestorm to build.***************Tom walked into his quarters when his shift ended and noticed a blinking light on his computerterminal. He had a message. He tapped a few keys and called the message up on the screen. "Meetme in Holodeck One when you get off duty. Wear workout clothes. Malista."Well, that answered one question. She had managed to avoid being alone with him all day---duringmeal breaks as well as during their duty period. Now it seemed she might be ready to talk. Hehoped so. He was also hoping that Harry Kim had exaggerated the severity of the---quarrel they'dhad. He hoped so. But he didn't really think so.Tom changed into black sweat pants and a light blue tee-shirt and headed for the Holodeck.****************Harry Kim headed straight for his quarters at the end of Alpha shift. He didn't want to take anychance of running into Malista, Tom, or B'Elanna. The entire shift he'd been aware of their eyeson him as they went about their jobs.The total lack of expression on Malista's face confused him. If she was angry, he expected herto glare. If she didn't care, he expected a show of indifference. There was just nothing therethat he could read.Harry sat down at his desk, activated his computer terminal, and called up his file of personalpictures. Somehow gazing at pictures of his parents and Libby---just didn't comfort him anymore. He sighed then slapped at the controls, turning the computer off.Against his will, his mind traveled back to the night before. What had he said? Why? Why had hebeen so sure she was cheating on him? That she was interested in other men? She had never---bylook or word---shown any signs of flirting---not since they had come to an understanding at theCinco de Mayo party at the resort. She'd flirted with him, teased him, kissed him---'Oh, gods,'he thought, 'What did I do?'He'd attacked her on several levels at once. Professionally. Personally. Sexually. He hadn'tgiven her a chance to explain. He realized that he had taken a thread of suspicion andinsecurity and woven a whole cloth of betrayal out of it. He was the one who was feelinginsecure in their relationship and he took it out on her. Instead of just telling her how he felt.How ironic. He'd gotten angry in the first place because she wouldn't share her feelings withhim. Then he'd done the same thing to her. He hadn't shared his feelings until they'd eruptedlike molten lava bursting free and searing everything it touched.He didn't know what to do now. He had no earthly idea how he could even begin to apologize---orexplain. If she was interested in either an apology or an explanation. He didn't know thateither. He didn't know how she could ever forgive him for treating her that way---after tellingher he cared for her---in deed, if not in so many words.He didn't know if Tom would ever forgive him for hurting Malista. And if Tom didn't forgive him,neither would B'Elanna. He didn't know if he could forgive himself.He turned the computer back on, calling up his family pictures once more. He studied hismother's smiling face. She was the people person. She always knew how to make everyone feelwelcome in her home. She always knew how to help people who were hurting. Harry felt tearswelling in his eyes. He'd never missed his mother more than he did at this moment. "Mom," hewhispered, "what do I do now?" As he expected, no easy answer came to him.**********************The holodeck was on a privacy lockout. Entry was authorized only to Tom Paris, B'Elanna Torres,and Malista Shadow. Tom entered and immediately felt his jaw drop with amazed joy. "Wow!" Hisazure eyes widened to their limits as he took in the atmosphere and setting.It was a circus. He'd helped Malista with the parameters of the program, but he hadn't expectedthis! It was incredible! The interior of the big tent seemed to stretch on forever. The groundwas covered with sawdust, lending an authentic smell and feel to the illusion. Even in the 24thcentury, circuses still used sawdust---partly because it was a tradition, partly because everycircus still had animal acts---and not all of them were completely housebroken. The sawdustfacilitated clean ups.The center ring of the circus had a huge net stretched across it. Tom's gaze drifted upward ashe heard a whistle. There a bar suspended between two long ropes was swinging back and forth atleast one hundred feet above the ground. Dangling upside down by her knees from the bar, wasMalista Shadow wearing green sparkly tights."What are you doing?" Tom shouted."I'm the daring young girl on the flying trapeze!" she retorted. "Watch this!"Tom's eyes caught a flurry of motion on the other side of the rigging. B'Elanna Torres, wearingred sparkly tights, was holding another trapeze and launching herself into flight. As shereached the center, she let go of the bar, spun in midair, and stretched to reach Malista'swaiting hands. She missed."Argh!" she growled as she fell and bounced into the net far below. She rolled to the edge ofthe net, grasped it and flipped herself over to land on the floor.Tom applauded. "You did that like an expert!" He really liked those tights---and red wasdefinitely B'Elanna's color.Torres frowned at him impatiently. "I wasn't supposed to miss!""I meant the dismount," Tom explained, leaning forward to place a soft kiss on her cheek."That's just how they do it at the circus.""Oh." Torres looked up at Malista who was now sitting on the trapeze bar, still swinging. "Whatdid I do wrong?""It's all in the timing," Shadow shouted. "If you time it right, you don't have to reach. I grabyour wrists. You don't have to grab for mine. You want to try it, Tom?"Paris waggled his brows at Torres. "Show me how?""Sure. Come on, Flyboy! Up the ladder!" The half Klingon charged up as if leading an assault.Tom grinned and followed her. "I'd follow you anywhere." Especially if she was wearing thosetights!Malista had dismounted and was standing on the rigging on the opposite side. "Okay. Now trysomething simple to start. You start swinging on that trapeze and I'll send you this one. Whenthey meet in the middle, switch trapezes."Tom looked a little dubious, but game to try anything once. He got a good grip on the trapezeand pushed off."Pump your legs. You need to get some height!" Malista instructed. "That's better. Okay. Here itcomes. Take your time."The second trapeze came within reach. Tom released, turned, and grabbed, making the switchclumsily but making it nonetheless. He swung over toward Malista's perch. She reached out andhelped pull him up on her platform. "Hi! That was pretty good---for an amateur."His eyes met hers. "Are you okay?"She didn't pretend not to know what he was talking about. "Not now. I will be. But not now. Andno, I don't want to talk about it."He nodded slowly, his eyes steady on hers. They communicated without words. He knew she washurting. It seemed Harry had dealt her a deep, hurtful blow. Tom couldn't begin to guess at thedepth of the pain, but he knew it was there. She knew that he knew---and she didn't want hishelp right now. She needed to deal with it herself. The offer of help and the rejection of ittook place in less than ten seconds."Hey!" B'Elanna shouted. "Let's try that catch again!"Tom smiled. "She's not the most patient student. Are you sure you want to teach her how to fly?"Malista forced a small smile. "She'll love the exercise---and the challenge. It's not as easy asit looks. Just don't turn it into a competition." She turned her attention back to Torres."Okay. Let me start, then you match your rhythm to mine. Remember we have to reach the apex atthe same time."Torres waved to show she understood. Malista latched onto the trapeze and began to swing. Thistime Torres made it---barely. Malista grabbed her wrists and held on tightly, swinging her up tojoin Tom on the platform."This is great!" B'Elanna said exuberantly, hugging the pilot. "How does she know this? Ithought circuses had pretty much disappeared."Tom grinned at her enthusiasm. "On Earth, yes. Not in the colony worlds and outer systems. Lotsof traveling circuses in the outpost areas where entertainment is scarce. Malista's family werethe---Malista! What was your family's act called?"Malista was standing on the trapeze bar, pumping her legs to get moving faster and higher. "TheFlying Petrides! Specializing in the trapeze and high wire!""Her family were olive farmers---evidently olives and the oil are still a big part of Greekcuisine---and during the off-season, they toured with a circus on their colony world. Malista'sbeen flying---that's what they call this---since she was four!" Tom explained. "Hey, showB'Elanna the double! Or have you forgotten how?" he taunted.Malista stuck her tongue out at him. "Computer, add holographic partner, Shadow program seven,subroutine five."A holographic muscle man wearing white tights suddenly appeared on the platform next to Tom andB'Elanna. He snatched the other trapeze and swung himself up on it. He began pumping thendropped till his knees were holding the bar. His hands outstretched. Malista matched his tempo.At the top of her swing, she quickly released the bar, spun in the air head over heels---nottwice, but three times---and grabbed the man's wrists. She was grinning as he swung her up tojoin Tom and B'Elanna."Show off," Tom muttered, with a mock frown. "I bet I could do that!"Both women raised skeptical eyebrows at him."Not now," he added. "I plan to work my way up to it." He noticed that Shadow was unconsciouslyrubbing her shoulder. "Did you overdo it?"She dropped her hand. "Yeah. I've been here about thirty minutes. Maybe it was pushing it to doa triple. The doctor said to work my way up to strenuous exercise---but I just got excited. It'sbeen so long. I missed the---freedom, the feeling of flying.""Well, you've probably had enough exercise for now," Tom peered down at the sawdust floor. "Howdo we get down from here?"B'Elanna grinned smugly. "You could go down the ladder---but that's boring.""Oh, well, how else---" Tom began.Torres pushed him off the platform. He yelled "Torres!" in an extended yodel all the way down.He bounced in the center of the net and lay there, still amazed at the sensation. That wasalmost like free fall. But without the queasiness. He wanted to do it again."Tom! You have to move! You saw how B'Elanna did it."Tom shook his head ruefully as he rolled off the net. One thing about B'Elanna Torres---he'dnever be bored with her around.B'Elanna followed him, bouncing in the net and rolling off like a pro."You---" Tom said, wagging a finger at her. "I owe you one!""And I always collect," Torres purred, sliding her eyes at him in a sidelong glance.He loved when she did that. The effect was the same as if she'd stroked his cheek or kissed himin that special spot behind and below the ear. It sent hot chills up and down his spine. He'dnever known there was such a thing as a hot chill--- until he'd kissed B'Elanna Torres.Malista joined them on the floor. "Well, what do you think?" She looked around the holodeck,enjoying the minute details that made the circus atmosphere seem so real. There were even animalsounds drifting softly through the tent walls as if there were animals in cages just outside."Where's the cotton candy?" Tom whined.Torres elbowed him."OW! Torres, if you don't quit trying to crack my ribs with your pointy little elbow, I swearI'm going to start wearing armor!"Malista turned away from their cheerful banter and lost herself in studying the rigging. "Iwonder if I could still do the high wire. I'm rusty."Torres and Paris exchanged looks. "Come on, Malista," Tom said cajolingly. "Where are the foodvendors? That's half the fun of a circus. Peanuts, popcorn, cotton candy, corny dogs, candyapples---all that good stuff that you throw up as soon as you get home!""That's disgusting," Torres said, making a face."You've obviously never really done a circus properly," Tom commented virtuously. "Eatingyourself into a stupor on stuff your mom won't let you have at home is half the fun."Malista turned and smiled at the pair of them. "It's okay. I know it's time for dinner. Whydon't you two go ahead?""You want to come with us to the mess hall?"Her eyes suddenly frosted over. "No.""And I suppose Sandrine's is out?""Yes.""You have to eat.""Tom, don't nag," she said tiredly. "I'll eat in my quarters. I still have plenty of replicatorrations.""Malista---" Torres began."No. B'Elanna, I don't want to talk about it," she shrugged, moving over to a bench next to thecenter ring to pick up her robe."I want to know what happened," Paris stated. "And if it would do any good for me to go punchout Harry Kim." He didn't sound like he was joking.Torres put her hand on his arm. He looked down at her. She shook her head, her brown eyesconvincing him he shouldn't push his 'little sister' right now. It was too soon.Malista slipped the dark green robe on over her tights and belted the waist. "Tom, B'Elanna,there is one thing I want to tell you," she said impassively. "What happened is between Harryand me. I don't want you to---interfere. I never wanted to come between you. You three have beenfriends since you all came aboard Voyager. I don't want my---anything to do with me to ruin thatfriendship.""That may not be your decision," Tom replied, his jaw taut, his posture stiff.Malista looked at him sharply. "You don't know what happened, Tom. Stay out of it. Harry is yourfriend. I'm your friend. I'm not asking you to take sides---I wouldn't do that to you---toeither of you. I can't---I don't think I can be around Harry. Not yet. I'm going to stay out ofhis way. But you two---I can still see you. Just don't try to---fix things, okay? It will onlymake things---worse." She tried to hide the tears filling her eyes by retying the sash at herwaist. "I think it's---we're beyond fixing. It just didn't work out."Tom and B'Elanna stepped forward and hugged her, one on each side. She put her arms around bothof them. After a moment, she stepped back. "Thanks. Both of you. I'll be okay," she said,reassuring them. "Really. I will. You can tell Harry---no, on second thought, never mind. Well,B'Elanna," she said with false heartiness. "How do you like my exercise program?"Torres smiled at her. "I like it. We'll keep working on this and maybe you can teach me sometricks---and when the next talent show comes up---we'll surprise a few people." She picked upher own robe and put it on. Roaming the corridors in tights wasn't a good idea.Malista flinched at the word 'surprise'. "Well, I think I'll go take a shower and get somethingto eat.""Promise me you'll eat something. And get some rest. And---"Shadow covered his lips with her fingertip. "You're starting to nag again, Paris. You're mybrother---not my mother!" She let her hand drop to her side.He tried to smile. "Okay. But you don't need to go back to hiding in your quarters. And if youneed company---""I know," she said gently, "and I promise that if I need anything, I'll tell you---one of you.Thank you. Now go have dinner!" After saving the program, she shooed them out the exit ahead ofher.As soon as she disappeared around the bend of the corridor, Tom took B'Elanna into his arms,clinging to her as if to a lifeline. She wrapped her arms around him and tilted her head back.She'd never seen him wear such a---bleak expression. "What is it, Tom?"He shook his head, started to speak, then closed his mouth and shook his head again. He pulledher more tightly to him and rested his cheek upon the top of her head."I'm worried about her, too," Torres offered. "And Harry."They could hear voices approaching and knew the moment of privacy was over. Tom stepped backfrom the hug but kept one arm around her as they turned and started for the mess hall. It seemedas if he couldn't bear to let her get out of his reach. B'Elanna felt a tingle of apprehensionat the base of her neck. She had a bad feeling about this.The situation was bad enough with Malista and Harry no longer being on speaking terms---but whatif Tom let himself be drawn in? Could they actually stay friends with both Harry and Malista?What kind of emotional damage was this doing to Tom? Being forced to choose? Was that all thatwas bothering him?She got the feeling there was more to it than that. Something to do with her or with them. Damnit! Why wouldn't he tell her what was wrong? She needed to talk to someone about this.*****************It had been three days. Those involved in the ship's betting pool were confused. The lack ofdefinitive evidence---or failing that a reliable source of gossip ---as to the cause of theunforeseen Kim/Shadow breakup meant that the odds on reconciliation or total failure of therelationship were almost impossible to calculate. That didn't, however, stop them from trying.Malista Shadow had three visitors on the second evening. Jenny and Megan Delaney and SusanNicoletti came to call. They seemed subdued, as if visiting someone in mourning---which in asense, they were. Malista invited them in, offered them refreshments, then waited for them tocomment.With a typical lack of tact, Jenny Delaney burst out with, "I just can't believe you broke upwith Harry Kim after all the trouble we went to! We helped you land him!""He's not a fish," Shadow commented dryly. Her face was unreadable. She was very calm and incontrol.Jenny waved an impatient hand. "You know what I mean! What happened?""Jenny!" Sue chided. "I told you not to ask that. It's none of our business."Shadow shook her head slightly. "It's all right, Susan. Let's sum it up by saying that Harry andI---we found we were mistaken about our feelings for each other. Let's leave it at that."Megan Delaney's mouth was ajar. "But you two seemed so---right together! You were such a cutecouple!" Nicoletti elbowed her.Malista's mouth twisted in what could have been an attempt at a smile. "A couple of what?" Itseemed to be an inside joke. Her friends didn't get it."Well, if you want to date someone else---"Jenny began."No! Thank you," Malista said quickly. "Jenny, I appreciate your---concern ---but I'm notinterested.""Give her some time," Sue suggested. She'd known it was a bad idea to let the Delaneys visitShadow this soon, but there'd been no way to stop them without hurting their feelings. Theyconsidered Malista their friend. They were trying the best way they knew to help her. It justwasn't the sort of help Shadow could or would accept---at least not this soon.Megan and Jenny exchanged glances. They got to their feet. "If we can help, let us know," theyoffered in unison. They often spoke in unison. It was some kind of side effect of beingidentical twins.Malista nodded, a slight smile twitching at her lips. "Thank you. I appreciate the offer.It's---comforting to have friends."The twins looked touched. They didn't have many women friends. Only two---Malista Shadow andSusan Nicoletti. Other women merely tolerated them. They were much too attractive andflirtatious to be popular with other women who saw them as a threat.Sue shepherded them out of Malista's cabin. She stopped in the doorway. "Are you okay?" sheasked with a direct look that demanded an honest answer."I will be," Shadow replied. "Do me a favor? Tell the rumor mill---it's not all Harry's fault.I---don't want him treated badly on my account."Nicoletti's eyes narrowed. "Whether he deserves it or not?"Shadow met her eyes with a blank look. "That's not what I said. Just tell them, please?""Okay. I'll put out the word. I don't know how much people will pay attention. People tend tomake up their own minds---especially if they don't have the facts," Sue commented. "Take care."Malista sighed and sank back into her chair, staring intently at nothing in particular. The lasttime she and Harry had---disagreed---at the beginning of their relationship, it had becomecommon knowledge that he'd treated her badly. As a result, every woman aboard had taken out heranger on him. Malista didn't want a repeat of that. It was too disruptive to the functioning ofthe ship.After all, it wasn't Harry's fault that he was still in love with Libby. Malista had known goinginto the relationship that it probably wouldn't last. She'd tried to tell herself that thistime---she wouldn't make any mistakes. She would be whatever Harry wanted her to be. Or shewould try her best.She should have known she couldn't compete with Libby. Or at least, his memory of Libby. She wastoo---inadequate. Among other things. She was too tall. She was too shy. She had all kinds ofemotional problems. She was inexperienced in the physical aspects of male/femalerelationships---except for having been a victim of rape---which had left her traumatized andafraid of physical intimacy.Harry Kim was Starfleet. He was a genius in more than one area of interest. He was theOperations Officer with the responsibility for keeping all the ship's systems balanced andoperating to top capacity. He'd proven himself to be a good officer and an invaluable asset tothe ship's crew. He was a good man and had been a good friend to Tom Paris, when others hadn'tgiven Tom a chance at all.She was a Maquis. A farm girl. An uneducated farm girl---no, a self-educated farm girl from acolony world. He'd gone to the Academy, one of the Federation's toughest and most demandingschools. She was a competent technician, but no genius---at anything. She'd taught herself mostof what she knew through home schooling or reading for enjoyment. He played classical music onthe clarinet and gave concerts. She couldn't master playing scales on any instrument. She couldsing---but she wasn't trained, and her tastes ran more to show tunes. They had nothing incommon.Well, two things. They both liked Tom and B'Elanna. And they enjoyed kissing each other. Thephysical side of the relationship had been moving ahead slowly. She enjoyed sharing kisses andhugs, touching him. But certain touches triggered flashbacks---something she hadn't told Harry,but he'd seemed to sense it when she tensed. He'd tried to get her to talk about it---but shejust couldn't. Talking about it---made it seem so real. She had hoped that with time, butnow---Would she ever be able to let another man touch her? If another man would ever want to?She still didn't understand exactly what had triggered Harry's outburst of jealousy. She musthave done something, but she honestly couldn't think what it could be. She took that as a signthat she was even dumber than she'd thought. She didn't know what she might have done, but ifHarry said she had---He was not the type to make things up. Maybe he---maybe it was amisunderstanding?No. Harry wouldn't have been that angry without reason. She'd known from the start that shedidn't deserve a man like Harry. But he shouldn't have to suffer the censure of the others onthe ship for correcting the mistake he'd made in getting involved with---someone like her. Atotal screwup. Everything she touched---how many more people were going to pay for getting closeto her? Her three friends on Huldon III, Niko Dishon---Not Harry Kim. Not if she could do anything to prevent it.***************The messhall was crowded. Gamma Shift was having dinner while Alpha Shift was having breakfast.Most of the tables were full or overcrowded. Harry Kim was sitting alone. No one approached toshare his table.He was becoming resigned to the fact that he had once again become a pariah. He sipped hiscoffee and tried to pretend it didn't matter. That he hadn't noticed. It wasn't that difficultto pretend. He'd learned from the best. He'd watched Tom Paris do it a thousand times sincecoming aboard Voyager as an observer.A sudden silence throughout the room caught his attention. He glanced up.Malista Shadow, tray in hand, was standing at his side.His good manners kicked in automatically. He got to his feet---then stood staring at her, notknowing what to expect. He couldn't get his mouth to open to begin an apology."Harry." Her demeanor gave no hint to what she was thinking. She spoke quietly, for his earsalone. "I wanted to tell you---it's okay. I think I understand.""Malista, I---" he began, stuttering to a stop as she shook her head."I don't want anyone blaming you. I thought if I stopped to say hello, they'd get the message.And, by the way, please take my word for it, I'm not going to kill myself because of this---orfor any other reason. Have a good day," she added casually, as if she hadn't just figurativelydropped a bomb on him. She strolled away and seated herself with Sue Nicoletti and a crowd fromEngineering.The buzz of conversation in the messhall increased audibly. Harry sank into his chair. His facewas blank---because his mind was blank. He literally was beyond thought.But Malista was correct. The ship's gossips spread the story of the messhall meeting between thetwo of them all over the ship in less than an hour. The lack of overt animosity between the twofueled the discussion of who had broken up with whom and for what reason.The gossips and the betting pool were stumped for the first time. There were multipletheories---but no evidence or substantive rumors to account for the split. And the participantsweren't helping. They weren't talking---to each other or anyone else. Neither Harry or Malistahad commented to anyone on the incident or about each other. The lack of invective made it hardto assess blame and consequences.The betting pool saw a sudden slump in activity. After a few days, with no accusing scenes ortemper tantrums from either party, the gossips moved on to juicier subjects. Such as FreddieBristow's latest target: Diane Russell, ship's librarian. Bets began to be laid on herreceptivity to his attentions, Crewman Aron Dalby's reaction, and on how long Freddie would beallowed to live---if he didn't stop being such a nuisance.******************Tom Paris had been increasingly---haunted was the best description B'Elanna could come upwith---since Harry and Malista had gone their separate ways. Harry had been avoiding both ofthem while off duty. It was impossible to avoid them on duty, but it was possible to actprofessionally. They each went about their tasks, speaking to each other with polite formalitywhen necessary. An objective observer would have thought they were merely acquaintances ratherthan the best of friends.Tom had made an effort to talk to Harry in the messhall over lunch. Harry made an excuse andleft the table before Tom could offer more than a greeting.Tom didn't want to discuss his feelings about the situation with B'Elanna. She was becomingincreasingly frustrated, but refrained from pushing him as she read desperation in his eyes. Shedidn't know what to do about it. She didn't know what caused him to suddenly study herpensively, almost despairingly, then suddenly snap out of it. The abrupt transitions left herfeeling---inadequate. She didn't understand his moods, or what he might be thinking---all sheknew was that he was unhappy. And that, in turn, made her unhappy.She had to talk about it or burst. Harry Kim was an automaton these days. Otherwise she mighthave considered talking to him. He was her friend. He was Tom's friend and might be able to giveher some insight---normally. But these weren't normal times. He and Harry weren't totallyignoring each other---but their easy rapport had been shattered. Each man carefully weighed hiswords when speaking to the other. And Harry had taken to avoiding Tom whenever possible so therewas no chance to recapture their friendship.Chakotay. She had to talk to Chakotay. She slapped her commbadge as she strode out ofEngineering at the end of her shift. "Torres to Chakotay.""Chakotay here.""Are you busy?""Not too busy. What do you need, B'Elanna?""I need to talk.""Come to my cabin. These reports can wait.""Let me change out of my uniform. Be there in fifteen minutes. Torres out."Commander Chakotay looked at Kathryn Janeway who was sitting across the table from him."Captain?"Janeway smiled understandingly. "Commander, if you're going to have a chance to do somethingabout the situation that is making my senior staff act like strangers---you can take all thetime you want on these reports. I'm glad one of them decided to talk to you. As Counselor, orfriend.""I hope I can help."Janeway gathered her datapadds and stood. Chakotay walked her to the door. "Let me know if I canhelp you. It's getting to the point, I'm afraid to look at Tom or Harry. I don't know what'sgoing on---but I get the feeling the situation is like a rubber band that's being stretchedtighter every day---""And you don't want to be in the vicinity when it snaps?" Chakotay said, amused by her analogyand its accuracy. The tension of the bridge had been almost unbearable---all the more so,because there was nothing out of line that could be acted upon.Janeway nodded. "Maybe we can finish these reports later." She left with one last encouragingsmile.*****************Tom couldn't help feeling a sense of relief when B'Elanna canceled their standing dinner date.She'd said she had some reports to go over with Chakotay. Tom didn't want to admit it, but heneeded some time away from her.When he was with her, he could feel himself trying to cling to her---as if by holding onto her,he could keep her from slipping away from him. He knew she would hate feeling---smothered. So hefought his urge to cling---but that just reinforced his need to be reassured that shestill---wanted him.Since Harry and Malista had broken up, his mind continually returned to a single train ofthought: If Harry can't handle a relationship, how can *I*? Harry was a stable personality. Hewas straightforward emotionally. Intelligent. Normal. So normal as to border on weird in Tom'sopinion.Next to Harry, Tom was practically a basket case. His childhood had been unhappy---with a pushy,perfectionist father who'd left him feeling inadequate and unsure of his self-worth and apassive mother who'd tried to please her husband, at the expense of her children.He was an ex-con with the direct responsibility for three deaths on his conscience. Somethingthat still haunted him from time to time. Tom wasn't sure he truly understood what love was orhow it was supposed to work. How could B'Elanna Torres be interested in a long-term relationshipwith him? He wasn't---worthy of her.He was sure Chakotay must have taken an opportunity to point that out to her. The first officerwas her mentor. They had been through a lot together in the Maquis. He'd supported andencouraged B'Elanna and put her forward as a candidate for the position of Chief Engineer ofVoyager.Tom wondered if B'Elanna secretly wished that he was more like Chakotay. The first officer wassteady, reliable, brave, honest, and had many other good qualities that Tom found lacking inhimself. Tom hoped and prayed that nothing ever forced Torres to choose between her relationshipwith him and her friendship with the Commander. Tom was nearly positive she'd choose Chakotay.She was so---beautiful, so talented, so intelligent, so spirited---Why would she settle for him?Because she was physically attracted to him?Tom knew very well that physical attraction was often fleeting---it burned itself out! Othershad burned out on him---before he burned out on them. Suzy Crabtree came to mind. Rickie---or atleast the women she composited. Unless there were other common shared interests, beliefs,goals---did he and B'Elanna have any of those?Was it really love B'Elanna felt for him? A love that would last? Or was it simply lust? Wasshe looking for fun and physical pleasure or something more? How could he tell? Should he riskasking her---risk telling her---No. He couldn't bring himself to say---even think the words.His thoughts were distressing. He settled onto his recliner and tried to read. He couldn'tconcentrate. His mind kept wandering in circles back to questioning his relationship withB'Elanna Torres. Could it last? Would it?He needed to do something. Something physical. His hand started for his commbadge.Automatically, he started to signal Harry Kim. He halted as his mind caught up with reality. Hecouldn't talk to Harry about this. Harry didn't want to talk to him anyway. The ensign had madethat abundantly clear with his behavior. Paris slapped his commbadge. "Lieutenant Paris toCrewman Shadow.""Yes, Lieutenant?""Malista, where are you?""I'm on my way to exercise. You want to join me?""Yes. I'll be right there. Paris out."Tom dressed in the royal blue tights he'd replicated for himself. If he was going to learn tofly on a trapeze, he would look the part and be properly attired. Of course, he had opted notto apply spangles and sparkles to his costume. That would be silly. He slipped his robe on,snagged a towel, and started for the holodeck.********************Chakotay had rearranged his furniture to allow a larger clear space for B'Elanna to use inpacing. When she was upset, she tended to move restlessly, often recklessly. He had also takenthe precaution of moving all his breakable decorations into the sleeping section of his cabin.She occasionally liked to throw things, too.The door signal sounded. "Come."She didn't charge into the room. That was a bad sign. She seemed hesitant. She seated herself onthe chair, opposite his position on the couch. "Chakotay," she said, as a greeting."B'Elanna." He waited.She ran her hands up and down the chair arms, rocking back and forth in the seat. She bit herlower lip and watched him.He tilted his head.She scowled at him."I thought you wanted to talk.""I don't know how to start," she snapped."Start at the beginning," he suggested.She jumped up and began pacing. "Don't give me platitudes! You probably can guess what I want totalk about anyway!""I'm not in the mood for guessing games. Why don't you just tell me?" His head swung back andforth as he followed her movements.She stopped. "It's about---Tom." She focused a glare on him. "Well, aren't you going to say 'Itold you so'? You said our relationship wouldn't work!""When did I say that?" Chakotay asked, one eyebrow up."You said---what did you say then?" she demanded. She'd carried on so many arguments in herhead, she couldn't be sure who had said what to whom. Or if she'd been talking to herself."I said that there was no point in pursuing the relationship if you were afraid and jealous. Isthat the problem?""Yes! No! Not exactly," she groaned. She flopped back into the chair. She snapped forward andleaned toward him, resting her elbows on her thighs as she gazed at him intently. "Chakotay,tell me---give me an honest opinion---how Klingon am I?"Her friend wasn't sure where that had come from. "What do you mean?"Instead of answering, she threw another question at him. "Do you think Tom is a coward?Honestly? Tell me the truth. I need to know.""A coward?" Though surprised, the first officer took his time to think carefully beforeanswering. He needed to organize his thoughts. This wasn't what he'd expected her to talk about."No. I don't. Why do you ask?"She tore her fingers through her hair and pulled on it in exasperation. "I'm just so confused!Tom won't open up. I can't tell what he's thinking.""His defenses have been in place for a long time, B'Elanna. He was a loner for some time beforecoming to Voyager.""Malista says Tom is afraid to talk about his feelings, about his past--- because he's afraid hewon't live up to my expectations!" she exploded. "How can I convince him that he shouldn't beafraid?""You can't," Chakotay stated flatly. "No one can convince someone else that his fears aren'tvalid. Especially not in these circumstances.""What circumstances?""Let's go back to your other question. How Klingon are you? If Tom doesn't trust that you'llunderstand his past, your Klingon heritage may have some bearing. Everyone knows that Klingonsvalue honor and fighting spirit above everything else. If you're looking for the Klingon idealin a mate---Tom Paris is not it," Chakotay concluded."What? Why?""B'Elanna, you can lie to yourself if you want---but that won't solve the problem. Think aboutit for a minute. What attracted you to Tom in the first place?""He's handsome," she stated."His looks? Is that all?" Chakotay prodded."No!" she growled. "Of course not. I appreciated his sense of humor. He was Harry's friend---soI wound up spending time with him and I found out he was--- clever ---more than just a prettyface. Intelligent---when he wants to be. And he actually is as good a pilot as he thinks he is.He pretends to be callous, but he's very gentle. Protective---of Harry. Of Malista and otherpeople---even of me. He always offers to help when he thinks---" She seemed to be following herown train of thought."What would your mother say if you brought Tom home with you and introduced him asyour---husband? What would her opinion of him be?" Chakotay waited as she thought over heranswer."She'd hate him," Torres blurted. "At first sight!""Why?""He's not---fierce. He's always so unruffled, so easy-going. She'd mistake that for softness orweakness. He doesn't like fighting.""Anything else?""He never loses his temper. That worries me. If he doesn't get angry, to me that means hedoesn't feel things deeply---strongly.""He gets angry, B'Elanna, he's just not as *noisy* about it as you are! Not everyone shouts andthrows things. You know that. Some people get quieter---and are the more deadly for it. I getthe feeling Tom may fall into that category. What else would your mother say?"B'Elanna's eyes dropped to the floor. "He was a traitor to the Federation ---and a traitor tothe Maquis.""Lacking a sense of honor altogether?" Chakotay determinedly kept his tone neutral.She jumped to her feet, eyes flashing. "He has a sense of honor.""Really?"She glowered at him. "What are you getting at?""The things you just said about him?" She nodded. "That's the reaction he may think he'll getfrom you. If you're more Klingon, than human."She sank back into the chair."Do you agree with your mother's assessment?""No! I know Tom. He's not---weak. He's not a coward. He may not be a Klingon's idea of awarrior---but he is a fighter. If he wasn't he wouldn't have survived--- " She decided not tofinish that thought. "It's just that he---doesn't react the way a Klingon would. He's not aKlingon. He's human," she murmured, half talking to herself.Chakotay nodded. "Exactly. Tom made mistakes in the past, but he's learned from them and grownas a result. He's not a coward. A coward wouldn't volunteer for suicide missions. More thanonce. He risked death to save my life on the Ocampa homeworld. He saved your life."Torres remembered. It was when she'd been taken prisoner by the robotic race and forced to builda prototype. Tom had volunteered to take a shuttlecraft and flown in the line of fire of the twobattling starships in order to rescue her. "When we were prisoners of the Vidiians, he stoodbetween them and me--- encouraged me when I was at the lowest point of my life. He risked hislife to expose Michael Jonas as a traitor. He did the same thing when he took the shuttlecraftand went after the Talaxians. He saved the whole crew from being exiled on that planet.""I wouldn't go that far. He did have help from the Doctor and Mr. Suder," Chakotay corrected."But I wouldn't call him a coward. He'll fight---when he has to---but that's his last resort,not his first choice. He prefers to use his wits to avoid trouble. Do you start a fight whenfaced with overwhelming odds?""Not unless you're stupid---or suicidal---or Klingon," she added ruefully. "But what does thathave to do with Tom?""Most of his life Tom hasn't fit in and he's been outnumbered---at the Academy, in prison. Here.Think about it, B'Elanna. What would you have done if the whole crew of Voyager had despised youwhen you came aboard? The Maquis came to this ship as a group. We had friends to give us supportas we settled in and became one crew. Who did Tom have?" Chakotay had been spending some timegiving serious thought and analysis to Tom Paris---ever since B'Elanna Torres had begun to showan interest in the pilot."He had Harry." Torres frowned. "And Captain Janeway. I don't think I could have fit in---Iwould have punched out the first person who looked at me funny." She began to pace again."That would win friends and influence people," Chakotay commented wryly. "You couldn't fightthe whole crew---any more than Tom could. So, if you can't beat them? And they won't let youjoin them?"She stopped her restless movements and faced Chakotay. The light dawned as she suddenly sawthings from Tom's point of view. "Oh. Direct confrontation ---wouldn't accomplish anything. Soyou pretend you don't need anyone, but you keep being friendly as if the hostility doesn'tbother you. And you entertain people with your sense of humor---until they began to like you orat least tolerate you in spite of the rumors they've heard about you. No wonder he doesn't talkabout anything important. Most people never took what he said seriously. He won them over withhis actions.""So if no one believes what you say, or no one wants to hear the truth because they already knowa version of it that contents them---why bother to speak about it at all?""But I'm not just anyone! I'm the woman he wants to---get serious about!""You believe that?" Chakotay raised one eyebrow."Yes!" she hissed emphatically, pushing her face right into his. "He does care about me. I'mnot just another notch on his bedpost. He isn't just curious about the sexual appetites ofKlingon women!"Chakotay winced. He knew that was a sore point with her. He'd lost count of the number ofmen---and a few women---who propositioned Torres, purely out of sexual curiosity.He knew---because he'd had to pick them up off the floor after B'Elanna had expressed her lackof interest with her fists or feet. Thankfully, she'd eventually learned to turn down any offerswithout resorting to physical violence. He'd also put a stop to the propositions by letting hisdisapproval be known among the Maquis. His protective attitude had led many people tomisinterpret his own relationship with Torres, but he'd ignored the gossip, knowing very wellthat there was nothing he could do to put a stop to it. He was aware that B'Elanna had developedsomething of a crush on him for a while, but she'd gotten over it.The beginning of the end of the crush had been when the Vidiians had split her into her humanand Klingon halves---and Tom Paris had been there to comfort and assist her. She never hadconfided in him very much about that experience---just an occasional comment on how Paris hadhelped her, tried to help Durst. But since that time the relationship between the first officerand chief engineer had been purely based on friendship and a shared past history.Chakotay gave her a conciliatory smile. "You've made progress since the last time we talked.Now, at least you're sure he does care about you. How do you feel about him?"She threw herself back into the chair for the fourth time. "Oh, Chakotay," she sighed. "He'sso---" She hesitated as she tried to think of the best way of describing him. Her whole facelit up. "He makes me feel more at ease with myself. And when he kisses me---" She sighed again,this time with a reminiscent smile. She hugged herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms."I take it that's positive?" His dimple peeked out as he tried to hide his amusement at herunexpected attack of speechlessness.She flashed a grin at him. "He makes me feel---beautiful. Special. Warm. Accepted. I've neverfelt like this before in my entire life---But I don't know if I make him feel the same way. Iknow I don't intimidate him. He's not afraid of my temper. But he hides from me. I want to knowhow he feels. How can I get him to open up?"Chakotay considered that for a moment. "Have you thought of setting the example?""What?""If you want him to open up and share his feelings with you, maybe you should share yourfeelings with him first.""I couldn't do that.""Why not?""Because what if---what if he didn't like what he heard?"Chakotay frowned at her. "Excuse me, isn't that what you said he's afraid of? That you won'tlike what you hear?""Yes, but that's different," she protested, dismayed to hear a whining note entering her voice."Why? B'Elanna, you want him to take all the risks emotionally? He's supposed to open up toyou---while you protect yourself?""No! That's not it---" she protested, but stopped herself. "Yes, it is. That's exactly it. Soyou think if I open up to him, he'll feel---he'll trust me enough to open up to me, too?""There are no guarantees. But I'm sure it would help."She nodded thoughtfully and subsided into silence.A few minutes passed. Chakotay finally interrupted her train of thought. "B'Elanna, while you'rehere, can I ask you a question?"She came back from the far place to which she'd traveled mentally. "Sure." Her brown eyesfocused on him."What happened with Harry and Malista?"She eyed him with amusement. "Let's see, that makes thirty-three.""I beg your pardon?""You're the thirty-third person to ask me that question. Today," she added. "Why do you want toknow? As Malista's counselor? Or as First Officer?""Either or both. The situation is beginning to affect ship's morale. I'm surprised Neelix---"Torres held up a hand. "Too late. Neelix already tried his hand at morale boosting."Chakotay passed a hand over his face, momentarily hiding his eyes. "Oh, no. Do I want to hearthis?""No---o---o," she drawled, sprawling in the chair and getting comfortable. "But you'll probablyhear about it soon. So I might as well tell you. Neelix sat down with Harry at lunch today andtried to get him to talk about it.""And what was Harry's reaction?""Let's put it this way, what would your reaction be if Neelix offered to play matchmaker for youand the Captain?" She hid a smile behind her hand at the curt, intimidating look the firstofficer sent sizzling across the room. "Yeah. That's what I thought. Harry held onto his temperby a micron, ordered Neelix to leave him alone, and stalked out of the mess hall. Kes talkedNeelix out of approaching Malista. For which we should all be grateful. She wouldn't get mad.She'd probably burst into tears. Which would upset Tom. And then I'd have to smack Neelix."Chakotay decided to ignore her insolence and get back on the subject. "But what did Harry andMalista fight about? What caused the split?"B'Elanna shrugged. "I'm not sure. They aren't talking---to anyone. Malista might talk to Tomabout it eventually, but she even told him to stay out of it. She doesn't want thisto---interfere in our friendship with Harry. She wants the impossible. Harry won't talk to Tomor anyone else about what happened. It's awkward just being in the same room with him. He's shutus out. That hurt Tom terribly, and then it made him angry.""You don't have a clue?""No. The only thing I can think of---is jealousy. She'd mentioned that Harry had been actingfunny and watching her all the time. Then Freddie Bristow made a pass at her. But Harry knew shehadn't invited that. How could he possibly be jealous? It doesn't make any sense. She never evenknew anyone else existed---not once she had Harry."Chakotay frowned. "Jealousy isn't rational. It stems from insecurity. There doesn't have to be areal basis for its existence.""How could Harry possibly feel insecure? She was always hanging on his every word and adoringhim with her eyes! She practically climbed in his pocket at Sandrine's that night. He'd have tobe blind and stupid not to realize she cared about him!" Torres was exasperated with both herfriends."Maybe she never told him. Actions can tell you a lot---but when it comes right down toit---most people need to hear the words," Chakotay stated quietly."Yeah. Well, thanks, Chakotay. I'll see you later." She bounced to her feet and charged out thedoor in her typical impetuous manner, giving him no time to ask more questions.Chakotay thought for a moment then slapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Captain Janeway.""Janeway here.""Captain, I've finished my session with Torres. If you'd like to finish those reports---""I'll be right there."********************Tom landed flat on his back in the center of the net for the fifth time in twenty minutes. Thefun had gone out of falling---somewhere around the third time."What did I do wrong now?" he yelped plaintively.Hanging upside down by the knees from the trapeze, Malista shook with laughter. "You aren'tconcentrating, Tom! You have to pay attention. I told you it's all in the timing!""Hey! Why don't you let me be the catcher?""Because *I* don't want to fall!""What a lousy thing to say!" he retorted. "True---but totally unnecessary to say out loud. Comedown here! I think half an hour is enough of a workout. How's your shoulder?""It's fine." She pulled herself up to sit on the trapeze and peered down at him. "Well, if youwant me to come down, you have to get out of the net.""Why? There's plenty of room." He paused and studied his surroundings. "Is it my imagination, ordid this net grow since last time we were here?""No, it's bigger. About fifty percent bigger. But you still have to move, because if I jumpdown, I'll either squash you or you'll probably bounce out! You think you can land on your feetinstead of your head?""I'm going, I'm going," he grumbled, rolling to the edge of the net and dismounting. He waitedtill she'd bounced down and helped her off the edge. He got her robe and held it as she put iton. He slipped his own robe on and belted it. The perspiration raised by exertion was cooling onhis body and it would be easy to catch a chill. They sat down on a bench near the ringside."Why is the net bigger?" he asked, squinting as he stared at it.Malista shrugged. "I thought you made it bigger---because you keep falling. If you didn't---Oh!B'Elanna must have made it bigger.""Why would she do that?" Paris inquired, frowning.Shadow socked his arm. "Because *you* keep falling, Tom. She's being protective. Andsurprisingly diplomatic.""Oh," he said, comprehension dawning. There was a pause. "So how are you doing?""Fine. How are you?""Fine."There was a momentary silence."Now that we've finished lying to each other, how are you really?" Tom asked, studying herprofile.She pushed the sawdust with her left big toe, forming little piles on the floor in front ofthem. "I've been better," she finally replied, a sob shaking her voice.He slipped his arm around her and pulled her head down to his shoulder. "Computer, save and endprogram. Run program Paris 4, subroutine 6."The holodeck shimmered around them. The circus tent disappeared and was replaced by Lake Como.It was a special place for them---the place where they'd first forged the bonds of theirfriendship. It was sunset and Tom and Malista were seated on the bench next to the picnic tablewith a view of the lake before them. It was very peaceful."Do you want to talk about it?" Tom asked, careful not to sound insistent."Have you talked to Harry?""Don't answer a question with a question," he instructed."Why not? You do it all the time.""I'm your older brother. You're supposed to do as I say---not as I do," Tom replied virtuously."Yeah, right," she replied in a watery voice. She left her head on his shoulder as if shederived some comfort from his touch. "But have you talked to Harry? As a friend?""No.""Oh, Tom." She tilted her face to look at him. "He's your best friend. I told you I didn'twant---""It's not your fault. I tried to talk to him---once. I haven't chased him down because I don'tknow what to say. He's been avoiding me anyway. He doesn't want to talk to me. Do you want totalk about it?""You aren't going to let go of this, are you?"Tom waved an admonishing finger at her. "See, you did it again!""Did what?""Answered a question with a question. No. I'm not going to let it go. Talk to me." Her headrested on his shoulder, his head rested atop hers, their arms around each other, and theywatched the sunset for a few minutes. "Computer, put a privacy lock on this holodeck.""Acknowledged. Privacy lock is in place.""Now, Sis. What happened?""It's funny. I've thought about it. I'm still not sure," she replied. "I thought everythingwas---fine. Then we got back to my quarters and he---no, that's not true. He'd been acting funnyfor days. Not himself. But if I asked him what was wrong, he said 'Nothing'. At Sandrine's thatnight---he was---Oh, I don't know. Did he seem all right to you?""Well," Paris said hesitantly. "Before we came to meet you, he was upset about the incident withFreddie Bristow.""I hadn't even told him about---""He saw it. He went to the resort and saw Freddie rubbing oil on your back," Paris explained."Oh. But why---""He left as soon as he saw you two together.""So he didn't see me knock Freddie down and tell him to keep his hands off of me?""Did you do that?" Tom said, sounding delighted. "I wish I could have seen that. How did Freddietake it?""With his ego, he barely noticed," Malista muttered. "You just wish I'd decked him because hewent after B'Elanna.""True." He didn't sound the least bit apologetic."So Harry didn't know if I'd invited Freddie's attention? Was that why---but when you got toSandrine's I told everybody what happened. Didn't he believe me?"she asked plaintively."He probably wanted to. Maybe he wanted to believe it so much he couldn't."She blinked at him curiously.He waved a hand to dismiss it. "It's a guy thing. So is that what the fight was about? FreddieBristow?" Paris inquired."No. I told you---I'm not even sure. It seemed to just---flare up. He didn't want to---He didn'twant me to kiss him. I thought he liked kissing me. He seemed to before. He said he wanted totalk. Then he started ---ranting about other men---men plural---not just Freddie---and theaccident---""The accident? Was he still blaming himself?""No. As a matter of fact," she said then stopped, reconsidering the wisdom of telling Tom thewhole truth."What?""No, you'll get mad." She looked away from him."Come on.""No.""Malista?" he drawled coaxingly."Promise not to get mad?"Tom snorted. "Too late. I'm already mad at him. For hurting you. And for shutting me out.""Tom, it's not all his fault. It takes two to make a fight, you know.""Tell me what he said about the accident."She sighed and sat upright, pulling away from his encircling arm. She stood and strolled down tothe water's edge. Paris followed her. "He asked me---if I was trying to get myself killed. Hethought maybe it wasn't an accident at all---that it might have been a---another suicideattempt.""What?" Paris exploded.She winced at his loudness and laid a hand on his arm. "Tom. Calm down.""How could he think that---much less say it?! Has he lost his mind? What other pearls ofstupidity did he have to offer?""Tom, I'm not going to tell you anything until you calm down. And promise not to say anything toanyone else about this---especially not Harry!" Malista tugged on his forearm and gazed up athim insistently through tear-drenched dark green eyes.Paris took hold of his emotions and reined them in. She didn't need him to fight her battles forher. Not right now. She needed him to listen. So he would listen and keep quiet---if it chokedhim. "Okay. I'm sorry. What else did he say?""There was something about Freddie. I think he was still jealous. And when I said Freddie wasn'timportant---he asked about---other men." She paused to see if another outburst was forthcoming.When Tom clenched his jaw silently, she went on. "Then he said I was using him---to getexperience sexually---because he was---safe? And he said Libby never tried to make himjealous---and I told him to get out!" She lost her battle to suppress her tears. They rolledfreely down her cheeks.Tom's arms came around her and pressed her cheek against his shoulder as she wept. He shook hishead. "I can't believe it. That doesn't sound like Harry.""That's what I thought," Malista choked. "He was acting like a totally different person. Ididn't know what to do---I didn't know what to say. I was so angry I couldn't talk. I couldn'tfind the words---I must have done something. I'm just too stupid to know what I did that madeHarry so---so crazy."Tom seized her forearms and gave her a little shake. "Stop that. You're not stupid! Don't takethe blame for this.""Who should I blame? Harry? He's the normal one, remember? I must have done something. How did Imake him crazy?""I think he did it to himself," Tom said, uncertainly."Yeah, right." She drew a tissue from the pocket of her robe, mopped her face and blew her nose."That's likely.""Well, what now?" Tom took her hand and led her back to the bench."Nothing. It's over. Maybe in time---things will settle down and we can be polite to eachother---be friendly again. Right now---I just can't. It hurts so much to see him. I can't evensay hello."Tom frowned. "And what are you going to do? Date someone else?"She shook her head tiredly. "I'm not interested. Not now. Maybe not ever. I don't seem to havevery good luck with relationships. I'm not exactly a good luck charm, you know."That sounded very familiar---unfortunately. "Well, how about right this minute? You want tothink up some names to call Harry? I'll help get you started. We can do it alphabetically."She chuckled, teetering on the verge of tears. "Oh? For example?""A---Aldebaran serpent, B---Belzoidian flea, C---Caldorian eel, D---Denebian slime devil---""Tom. Stop. I don't want to call him names.""It might make you feel better.""I don't think so. I'd probably just make you mad saying things like D---Dark Angel. That's howI used to think of him---not that I ever told him that. I thought it would embarrass him." Sherubbed her cheek against his shoulder, squeezed his hand, and sighed. "Why couldn't I havefallen for you? Lord knows, you're the handsomest man I've ever seen. And there are a lot ofwomen on this ship that are interested in you! You could have a harem---if any of them waswilling to share.""Good looks are highly overrated," he replied shortly. "Do you have any idea how many fightsI've gotten into---that started with some wise guy calling me 'pretty boy' or something similar?It began in kindergarten and continued before, during, and after prison," Tom said with a hintof bitterness."Sorry. I always thought it must be nice to be really attractive. I guess there are drawbacks.""What? What's that supposed to mean? You're beautiful!"She sniffed her disbelief. "Yeah, sure.""You are! Hey, Sis, would I lie to you?"She tilted her head at him skeptically. "Tom, I've always known I was plain looking---justaverage. You look like a prince in a fairy tale.""You're shortchanging yourself. You're very pretty. And I'm considered something of an expert onthe subject."She shrugged."You're as bad as B'Elanna about accepting a compliment gracefully!" he scoffed.She frowned thoughtfully. "How do you tell the difference between a physical attraction---andlove?""You picked me to answer that one? I have no idea. I've had problems with that question my wholelife. Sometimes I wonder if I wouldn't have been better off if I looked more like my dad'sfamily, instead of my mom's. The Parises, as a rule, are tall, impressive, dignified---butnot---'pretty'---just average looking," he said contemptuously.She shrugged. "I used to think if you were beautiful enough, people would always try to make youhappy. Too many fairy tales, I guess.""I've heard that it's better to have something like a good character to keep people with youwhen your looks are gone," he remarked sardonically."You do have a good character. You're kind, and supportive, and compassionate. A great bigbrother and a genuinely nice guy. Even though you try to hide it. You're a wonderful humanbeing. It's just that the first thing people notice about you is that you're good-looking. Why*didn't* I fall in love with you?" she repeated, frowning up at him in puzzlement."An appalling lack of good taste?" he asked, flashing a grin at her.She smiled back then suddenly started to giggle. He stared at her. "Oh, Tom," she croweddelightedly. "I just figured it out. I know why you've always looked so familiar to me!""Why? We never met before Voyager." He was frowning slightly. "Did we?""No. But I used to have a picture on the wall of my bedroom when I was a little girl---""If you say it was the frog prince, I may slug you, Sis!" he threatened, shaking a fist at her."No. It was a picture of a little girl asleep in her room. Sitting on the edge of her bed,watching over her with a big sword, was her guardian angel. That's who you look like!"He looked at her skeptically. "Angelic? Me? I think I can almost see Harry as the angelic typebut---this angel looked like me?"She giggled again. "Well," she drawled. "It would look exactly like you---if you were built likeGeorge Natwick! He was a very brawny guardian angel! You're my bright angel! Even though youaren't as muscular."Paris tried hard to look offended."My oldest brother Stephanos gave me that picture. He said I was going to need a tough guardianangel." Her smile suddenly dropped away. "I guess he was right. But that may be the reason why Ididn't think of you---romantically. I think I needed you as a brother. And you needed me as asister. Besides, B'Elanna already had your heart by the time we met.""Yeah. Anyway, the two of us are so screwed up---it would be like two people with only one legeach trying to walk normally by leaning on each other. Two cripples trying to make one wholeperson." Tom was serious."You aren't as abnormal as I am," she stated flatly."What? Is this a contest? You want to compare flaws?"She put her free hand around his waist and leaned into him, offering comfort. " So what's wrongwith you and B'Elanna, my dear older brother?""Nothing."She made a scoffing sound."No, really. It's just---I need to talk to her about a few things and---I don't know where tostart," he said hesitantly. "Or how much I should tell her."The comm system chirped. "Torres to Paris.""Go ahead.""Tom, can I come in the holodeck or is this a bad time?" She must have found herself locked outby the privacy lock and she hadn't wanted to override it without an invitation."Come in," Malista answered, smiling up at Tom."Computer, lift privacy lock for Lieutenant Torres," Tom said.The arch appeared and B'Elanna strode in, taking in the atmosphere and the couple on the bench.It was apparent that Malista had been crying. "Are you sure I'm not intruding?" she asked,hesitating."No. Of course not," Shadow replied, sparing a weak smile for her friend. "Tom and I weretalking. Come join him for the sunset. He's done a great job programming it."B'Elanna eyed their attire. "I assume you started off at the circus and moved on to thisprogram.""Yes. She still won't let me be the catcher," Tom said, putting a hint of a pout into his voice.To his surprise, B'Elanna comforted him with a kiss on the forehead. He flashed a pleased smileat her. This was a first. Usually she didn't like public displays of affection and if there wereany, he initiated them."Maybe you can be the catcher when you grow up," Torres offered with false sympathy. She'dnoticed that her brief kiss had rated a Number Eight Smile. She'd have to do that more often. Ifhe enjoyed being kissed in front of others, she could learn to accommodate him.Malista giggled. "I've got to go. I might let you be the catcher next time. You're too heavy forme anyway." As she stood up, Tom swatted her behind in a brotherly gesture of reprimand andaffection."Don't rush off on my account," Torres said. "I didn't mean to interrupt.""No, it's okay. We'd finished our talk. I want to get a shower and get to Sandrine's.""You're going to Sandrine's?" Tom asked."It's about time, don't you think? You're the one who forbade me to hide in my quarters as aproblem-solving technique. Besides, I want to talk to George Natwick about something. IsSandrine's public enough, B'Elanna?"Torres nodded. "I think so. Just keep your eyes on his hands at all times," she cautioned, onlyhalf-joking."Whoa! Wait a second! Sis, if you start dating George Natwick, I'll disown you! Thatmuscle-bound nitwit---"Malista stuck her tongue out at him. "You can't disown me. Remember? It's in the fine print---noreturns, refunds, or exchanges. You're stuck with me as a sister."Torres sat down next to Tom on the bench, thrilled as his hand sought hers instinctively. Thatreflexive seeking of her touch was somehow reassuring. It spoke of his feelings for her moreloudly than the silence that troubled her."Maybe we'll see you at Sandrine's in a little while," Tom suggested.Malista frowned at him. "Only if you promise to behave. Oh, and Tom, when I said you couldn'ttell anyone---I didn't mean B'Elanna. You can tell her if you like. Maybe she can help us figureit out. See you later.""You can tell me what?" Torres asked as they watched the arch disappear behind Malista Shadow."Help you figure what out?""Harry Kim," Tom replied with a heavy sigh. He lifted her hand and rubbed itagainst his cheek as if seeking comfort.********************Harry Kim was sitting at the bar in Sandrine's nursing a beer. He'd parked himself on a cornerbar stool so it would be less obvious that he was there alone. Looking at the four walls of hiscabin had become so oppressive, he couldn't stand it any more. He had to get out of there and hehad nowhere else to go. He was trying his best to be invisible and succeeding fairly well justby sitting quietly in an out of the way spot, not calling attention to himself.Since Malista had approached him in the messhall, the tide of public opinion had swung back inhis favor. At least, at this point, he wasn't being cast as the villain who'd broken her heart.Other crewmembers had resumed speaking to him. Except for Tom and B'Elanna who hadn't had theopportunity. Yet.Harry almost choked on his beer when Malista Shadow strolled in. She was wearing a tightlyfitting emerald green jumpsuit. Her shoulder-length hair was swept up, braided and wrappedaround her head and she wore a coronet of blue and white flowers like a crown. She didn't seemto notice the stares of appreciation she received from the men present. She was looking forsomeone in particular.Jenny and Megan Delaney waved her over to their table. They were sitting with Paul Bloorden andTrent Salaka.Malista didn't join them, but she did stand there for a moment and talk to them, lookingperfectly at ease though surrounded by a crowd. She glanced around the room and her eyes lit onEnsign George Natwick who was sitting alone at a table in the corner opposite and the farthestdistance from the bar. Malista went over to his table.Harry couldn't believe his eyes---but he couldn't tear them away from the unlikely pairingeither. She had a date at Sandrine's---with George Natwick!?Malista asked George if she could join him. His eyebrows went up. He belatedly got to his feetand held out the chair for her. "You want something to drink?" he asked, waving a hand at theholographic waitress.Malista smiled. "A beer would be nice. Thank you."While waiting for her drink to be delivered, Natwick's eyes roamed appreciatively over her body."You look good tonight," he said.'Trust George to be direct,' Malista thought, sitting stiffly in her chair, trying to hide herdiscomfort. "Thank you, George. I wanted to ask you something.""Sure." The waitress set her beer down in front of her. "What do you want to know?"She placed her hands flat on the table and pondered how to say it.Natwick's cynical eyes slid toward the bar. "You trying to make Kim jealous again?""What?" She froze. "Is he here?" Her eyes widened like an Andorian antelope caught in thetargeting light of a phaser rifle. She didn't turn to look for Harry."Okay," Natwick said with a smug look that turned calculating. "So that's not it. You're nottrying to make him jealous. Did you want me to beat him up for you?" He held up his arm andflexed his right bicep---it was an impressive sight.She blinked appreciatively. "No."He was dressed in his customary off-duty attire---sweat pants and a thin tank top that didnothing to disguise the large, well-defined, muscular build that he was so proud of. He hadreason to be proud. He was built on a grand scale--- and many admiring eyes followed his everymovement as if he were a piece of living sculpture."You wouldn't be the first woman to ask me for a favor like that," he commented dryly."I wouldn't use you like that," she protested softly, stretching a hand across the table totouch the hand next to his glass.He seemed surprised and pleased by her response. "Maybe I should stop guessing and let you tellme what you wanted to ask."She drew her hand back and grasped her beer mug with both hands. She took a sip, then clearedher throat. "Actually, it was B'Elanna's idea that you would be the one to ask."She'd surprised him again. He looked half puzzled and half suspicious. "Yeah? I didn't think sheliked me."Malista wasn't going to touch that one. "She respects you as a professional." That much was thetruth. "We were talking about anger and how to use it."He nodded. She took it as encouragement to go on."Any way, I was asking her how you're supposed to---fight---to defend yourself without losingcontrol of your temper." She waited for him to respond."Is that why you were never aggressive in the self defense class?" he asked. "You were afraid ofgetting out of control?"She cleared her throat again and fiddled with her mug. "Yes. I don't know how much you knowabout my---my past---" she began, dismayed when her eyes began to fill with tears. She couldn'tcry---not here! Not with Harry thirty feet away! And not in front of George Natwick! She blinkedrapidly and paused, striving for control. Tears had come far too easily in the last few days.She'd cried more in the last month, than she had in the five years preceding it.George reached across the table and took her hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. His browneyes were amazingly understanding. "You don't have to tell me, Malista. I know.""You do?" Shock drove the tears away."Sure. I always check into my students' backgrounds when I start a class. It helps avoidproblems."Her lips tremble as she smiled. "So you knew why---""I knew why. I'd hoped that taking my class would help you deal with it." He was speaking now asa professional. "You did manage to learn some aggressive techniques. I know from personalexperience." He released her hand and sat back in his chair, rubbing his stomach.She flinched. It was a reminder that she'd struck her instructor in the midsection with a pipe,knocking the wind out of him and dumping him on the floor. "I'm sorry about that, George," shesaid breathlessly, apologizing for the first time since the incident.He grinned at her impudently. "No, you're not."She grinned back at him, eyes twinkling. "No, I'm not," she agreed impishly. "You deserved it.""Maybe," he agreed noncommittally. There might have been a spark of admiration in his eyes as hegazed at her. "Now to get back to your question?""How do you keep yourself from going berserk in a fight? How do you maintain control of youranger?" she asked earnestly."Practice."She frowned at him and sighed her exasperation. "That's what B'Elanna said. But how do youpractice without hurting anyone?""Come on, Malista. Think about it. The holodeck," he said. "You practice with holographicopponents. They can't get hurt. You start out easy and work your way up to more complicatedscenarios. I have several programs designed to do just that. You want Cardassian opponents?"She shuddered. "No. Not to start with. Could you help me set it up?""Yeah." He gazed at her analytically. "Tell me something?""All right," she said cautiously."Are you and Kim really through?"She swallowed hard. "Yes. I think so. Yes. We are." She closed her eyes, trying to clamp down onher emotions.He reached over and patted her hand soothingly. "Sorry. I'm not very good with small talk. Ijust want you to know---when you're ready to go out with someone else---I'm interested."She gulped, unsure how to respond. One thing about George Natwick, you always knew where youstood with him. He was interested in her and had let her know it---with all the subtlety andtact of a Tellarite on a tear."George---I'm not ready for that---with anyone." She touched the flowers she wore on her headand gazed at him with a hint of speculation.He nodded thoughtfully. "I just thought I'd put my name on your list before the stampedestarts.""Oh, George, that's so sweet!" she said, impulsively. It was flattering and comforting in a wayto know he thought she was so attractive there would be a lot of competition for her attention.He blushed to the roots of his sandy brown hair. "I don't think anyone's ever called me sweetbefore." At six feet, four inches in height with a massively powerful build, it was easy tobelieve that 'sweet' was not the first adjective that would come to mind in describing thesecurity guard."Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'll come by tomorrow and pick up the programs you'retalking about." She got to her feet."Sure. And if you have any problems---""Thanks, George." She took his hand for a moment in hers as a gesture in parting. She turned andwalked back to the Delaneys' table.Harry had surreptitiously kept Shadow and Natwick in his line of sight. He wasn't the only onein Sandrine's watching the unique pairing and noting all the details of their encounter. The twoof them seemed to be getting along very well. Holding hands, smiling at each other. What in theworld could she have said to make him blush? Blushing? George Natwick?How could she possibly be interested in George Natwick? She preferred George Natwick to him? Shehadn't seemed that fond of Natwick at the Cinco de Mayo party at the resort. In fact, she'dacted like she was afraid of him. She must be a better actress than he'd given her credit for.He tossed down the last bit of his drink and headed for the exit.In the corridor, he slammed to a halt as he came face to face with Tom Paris and B'ElannaTorres. All three of them hesitated. "Hi," Harry said after a moment."Hello, Harry," Torres replied. "Leaving so soon?"Tom still didn't speak. He didn't look hostile---but he didn't look terribly friendly either.His eyes were shuttered---showing nothing at all---not even to Harry who could usually read himfairly well."Yeah, I, uh---""Would you like to join us for a drink?" Tom asked neutrally."Us?""B'Elanna and me. Who did you think I meant?"Torres elbowed him. Tom grunted, but didn't make his usual seriocomic protest. "Come on, Harry.We haven't talked in a week at least," B'Elanna complained.Kim hesitated. He wanted to get their relationship back on a normal footing---but what ifMalista joined them? No, she wouldn't. She didn't want to talk to him. She'd keep her distance."Okay, sure."He turned and the trio entered Sandrine's together. Ignoring the buzzing of speculativewhispers, they moved to their regular table. Tom went to get their drinks, pausing to flirt withSandrine in French for a few moments. He liked to keep in practice. In writing the program, Tomhad turned off the Universal Translator function to allow the French ambiance to be completelyauthentic. Of course, the characters could speak any language known to Voyager's computer andreplied in the language in which they were addressed, so there was no opportunity formisunderstanding."So, Harry, how have you been?" Torres asked.Kim jerked his eyes away from his study of Malista who was now sitting with the Delaneys andtheir dates and talking a blue streak. He looked at Torres with pretended nonchalance. "I'mfine. How are you doing?""Fine. So what have you been doing with your time? I haven't seen you in here lately.""Come on, B'Elanna. Let's not try to pretend you wanted to see me," he said quietly.She shrugged. "It's been awkward. But Malista told us that she doesn't want this situation toruin our friendship. We won't be double-dating, but we can still be friends.""Did she tell Tom about---why we broke up?""Yes. At least she told him what you said," Torres said. She leaned forward to capture his darkeyes with her own. "But that really didn't explain much about why you broke up. Why did you,Harry? Because it sure sounds like you did it all on your own---without much help from Malista.She still doesn't understand what happened."He closed his eyes. "I don't know. That's the worst of it. I don't know myself."She frowned her concern at his level of distress. "Do you want to talk?""Yes. But not here." Harry looked at the ceiling, the table, everywhere but at her. "And notwith Tom. Can we talk alone?"She nodded slowly. Tom was approaching the table. "Tom, I'll be back in a little while. Whydon't you shoot some pool? You could use the practice if you plan on winning back thosereplicator credits from me," Torres teased as she and Harry got to their feet.Harry's eyes were fixed on the exit. B'Elanna and Tom exchanged glances. She jerked her headtoward Harry and the exit. Tom nodded. He bent down for a quick kiss before reluctantly lettingher go.Tom took the tray of drinks and went to join Malista and the Delaneys and their dates at theirtable. "I come bearing gifts," he announced."I thought that was my job," Malista joked."But if you brought them, we couldn't drink them," Paris retorted. He received blank looks fromMegan and Jenny. Tom found it hard to understand how the twin geniuses of Stellar Cartographycould be so ignorant of literary references. They must have concentrated on math and sciences tothe exclusion of all but the mandatory historical and cultural courses offered at the Academy.For clarification, he added. "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts."The blank looks intensified."Never mind," he sighed. Malista smothered a giggle."Nice flowers, Malista," Trent Salaka commented, his hazel eyes warm and friendly."Thank you. And Tom, thank you!" Malista added.Now it was Paris' turn to look blank. "For what?"Malista smiled at him. "For the flowers---you put them in my quarters, didn't you?" Her smilefaltered."No. I don't know anything about them."Megan grinned mischievously. "Wasn't there a card with the flowers?"Malista touched the blue and white wreath of flowers. "Yes. But it said 'From Your SecretAdmirer'---I thought it had to be Tom. Who else would know that today is Greek IndependenceDay?---old calendar March 25th.""Wait a second! Wasn't that party a few weeks ago supposed to be for Cinco de Mayo? And thatmeans the fifth of May. I'm not that great on old calendar dates, but I know that March comesbefore May!" Paris protested."Neelix just called it a Cinco de Mayo party to justify changing the decor," Paul Bloordenexplained."Uh-oh," Jenny said, shooting a speculative look from Tom to Malista."Uh-oh, what?" Tom said irritably. He mistrusted the mischievous glint in the redhead's eyes."Well, if you didn't send the flowers---don't you think B'Elanna's going to be upset about it?"Jenny inquired, a little too innocently.Tom and Malista exchanged bemused glances. "Why would B'Ella care if Malista gets flowers fromsomeone else?"Megan jumped into the conversation quickly, almost frantically. "No reason." She tried to quellher sister with a frown, but was ignored."Come on, Tom! Everyone knows Torres is the jealous type!" Jenny complained. "You think she'llappreciated someone horning in---""What the hell are you talking about?" Paris demanded.So Jenny told him.*****************Torres settled herself cross-legged on the couch in Harry's quarters. He sat next to her hisbody turned to face her. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. His posture,demeanor---everything about him screamed that Harry was absolutely miserable. Torres felt atwinge of sympathy for him. She gentled her tone and touched his knee to get his attention."What happened, Harry?""I thought Malista told you!" he said, refusing to meet her eyes."No, I said she told Tom what you said that night. I don't understand any of it. If Malista wastelling the truth---" She deliberately left it hanging."I'm sure she did. There's no reason for her to lie," Kim said sullenly.Torres bit down on her rising impatience. "So you did accuse her of cheating on you? You didaccuse her of attempting suicide? You did accuse her of using you to learn about sex?" Eachsentence was spoken at a slightly higher volume.Kim flinched. "Yes.""Then would you like to tell me WHY you said all those things, Harry Kim? Did you believe theywere true? Or did you totally lose your mind?!" she shouted furiously, her patience snapping.He cringed away from the volume of her question, holding one ear. "That's part of it. Rightthere.""What?! What are you talking about?""She never got mad---no matter what I said! She didn't even care what I thought! She didn'tdefend herself!"Torres sat there with her mouth agape. She shook her head, then pounded her forehead a couple oftimes with the palm of her hand. It didn't help. "What are you talking about?" she said withexaggerated clarity, forcing herself to speak, not shout."She never told me how she felt. I never made her mad---she didn't care enough about me to getmad. What else was I supposed to think? You know she's a ---that she's technically a---thatshe's never made love to a man before? If it was you, what would you do? You'd pick the---thesafest man on the ship to experiment with---that's what you'd do! And that's what she did!" Hewas on his feet and shouting himself now.She sat on the couch and gaped up at him. She didn't know whether to slap him, shake him---orjust walk out and leave him in his misery. "I thought you had some brains, Harry Kim. Sit down!"she ordered. "If we're going to talk about this, we're going to be methodical!"She felt a temptation to laugh as she heard herself. When had she, the hot-headed half Klingon,Maquis warrior, become the calm, rational one? The voice of reason? The irony of it struck herdumb for a moment.She waited till he complied, collapsing on the couch as if he didn't have the energy to sustainhis indignation. "Now," she said. "Let's start with the accusations you made. Let's start withthe most outrageous---no, they're all outrageous! Let's start with the one that makes the leastsense! You accused her of trying to *kill* herself?!""She was careless! She replaced a power coupling in a live junction box!" he said defensively."You know that violates every safety---""Harry!" She glared at him. "That isn't what caused the accident! And you know it! Anothercoupling went out and caused an explosion in the level above them. She told you---and she toldme---the power coupling she changed out was going to fail---at any moment! And if it went, itwas possible the ship would lose the shields! Since we were in an asteroid field, that would*not* be a good thing! I chewed her out for ignoring the safety regs. But that's not what causedthe accident!" she repeated. "So how could you possibly think she deliberately risked her life?Not to mention her partner's?""I know," he muttered, tearing his fingers through his thick black hair. He rested his elbows onhis knees. "But she almost got herself killed!""Harry," she said more gently. "It scared you?"His agonized eyes met her own. "Yes! I don't want to lose---anyone else. I don't want to beafraid for someone else!"She shook her head sadly. "So you drove her away, before you could lose her?""I know. It was really stupid," Kim said, dropping his eyes."Did you honestly believe she was suicidal?""No. I don't know why I said that. Maybe I just wanted to make sure she was listening to me. Iwanted to be sure I had her attention. It popped out of my mouth before I could stop it---beforeI knew I was going to say it---and then after I said it, I began to wonder if it could be trueafter all.""And how do you think that made her feel? When you threw that in her face? Only the SeniorOfficers, the Doctor, and Kes know about her suicide attempt. She hoped everyone would forgetabout it. How do you think she felt about it when you brought up one of her most painfulmemories?""I wanted to make sure she wouldn't try it again. I was afraid she might. I know---it doesn'tmake sense.""You're right. It doesn't. Now, what about the jealousy thing? When we were at the holodeck---atLake Como, that afternoon, Malista said you'd been acting funny. She thought maybe you werejealous, but she didn't understand why. And I told her not to worry about it---that you'd getover it," Torres said heavily, feeling guilty for dismissing Malista's concerns.Harry frowned. "What were you doing at Lake Como? With her?""The captain ordered me to rest for a couple of hours," she replied evasively."B'Elanna, that's the kind of answer that made me suspicious of her! She never told me anything!It was like pulling Rigellian bloodweeds out by the root to get her to say more than a fewsentences!" Harry squirmed under B'Elanna's frowning regard."All right. I didn't promise not to tell anyone what we talked about. Maybe it will help youunderstand. Malista told me she's afraid of losing her temper.""Afraid of---? Why?" Of all the possible explanations for Shadow's behavior that he'd thoughtof, this one had never occurred to Harry."Because as she put it, the last time she lost her temper she killed four Cardassians.""Wha---oh, she meant on Huldon III? But why---""Harry, that's why she never let anyone get her angry---or tried not to. She pushed all heranger deep inside. She was terrified of losing control if she started getting angry. She wasafraid she'd hurt someone. So instead of saying anything when someone upset her, she gave themwhat they wanted---or she withdrew. She punished herself for getting angry. She turned her angerinward---and that leads to depression. People who are depressed tend to stop talking to anyone."She watched the change in his expression as understanding came to him. "That's why---why didn'tshe tell me?"Torres stared at him silently, letting him think about it."Oh, I get it," he said bitterly. "Young Ensign Kim! He's so innocent---let's not shock him. Isthat it?""Damn it, Harry!" she snarled. "Think about her feelings, not your own! Have you told her aboutthe Akritarian prison? How close you came to murdering someone?"His color faded, leaving his skin a pasty yellow. "You mean Tom. No. I haven't told her---didyou?""If I thought you were in your right mind, I'd break you in pieces for even asking thatquestion!" she shouted fiercely. "NO! I didn't tell her. The ship's gossips got hold of thestory---Kahless knows how! How do you think Natwick knew about the pipe? She's heard thegossip---just like everyone else. The only ones who know the truth are you and Tom. And I didn'tmean Tom---I meant that you were ready to kill some of the prisoners if that was what it took toprotect yourself---or Tom. If you'd had to, would you have killed one of them?"He nodded.She lowered her voice and touched his arm gently. "Harry, you blame yourself for almost killingTom when you were out of control with that clamp in your head---making you crazy. Now, try toimagine how Malista feels. She told me the Cardassians were lying there unconscious andhelpless---and she 'murdered' them. That's how she thinks of it. And she doesn't have a clamp toblame it on!"Harry's hands were trembling. He glanced up at her with tear-filled eyes. "I must have---hurther so much. I wish she'd talked to me about it. I kept pushing her---trying to make herangry---trying to make her tell me off! I didn't want her pretending everything was fine---whenit wasn't! I thought---if she really cared for me, she'd---she wouldn't let me treat her thatway. She'd stand up to me and fight back! She'd tell me the truth---about how she felt aboutme!""Harry, Harry, Harry," Torres said, unconsciously copying Tom Paris' form of address. "Whydidn't you ask her?""I did!""You asked her why she never got angry?""No," he said hesitantly. "I sort of hinted around.""Argh!" she shouted, bouncing to her feet and beginning to pace. She'd reached the limits of herpatience. "How can two people be so stupid!!!!" It sounded like a war cry."Me and Malista?" he asked resignedly."No! You and me!" she retorted."What? Why are you stupid?" Harry gazed up at her in befuddlement."I've been doing the same thing with Tom," she announced. "I wanted him to talk to me---so Ieither interrogated him till he ran and I got mad at him---or I 'hinted around' then got mad athim because he didn't get the hints! Fortunately, I haven't gone quite as far as you did in mystupidity! Or he's a little less vulnerable than Malista---or better at deflecting my anger. Heshould be. He's had enough practice.""So what do we do now?" Harry said dejectedly."Tell me something, Harry. Have you ever seen Tom lose his temper?" She couldn't resist thetemptation to pump Paris' best friend for information."No. Why?""Never?"He frowned at her. "What do you mean? Oh, he gets upset, angry--- when he's irritated, hesmirks, and gets louder. I can't say I've really seen him *lose* his temper," Harry said. "Ithink he worries about losing control."Torres raised an ironic brow. "Sound familiar?"Harry closed his eyes and collapsed back on the couch. "Malista. I expected her to react theway you do---not the way Tom does. If I can understand Tom, why didn't I understand Malista?""Good question. They have a lot in common. Your hormones probably interfered where Malista wasconcerned. But let's get back on the subject. We were discussing the things you said toher---we've covered suicide and anger. Now, tell me why you were jealous and accused her ofusing you for sex! I thought you offered to teach her about sex! When you were stranded togetheron Dynos Six?""I did---but maybe I didn't know---didn't think---what the consequences would be," he mumbled.He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling."What consequences? I thought you two were---getting along fine! She was always kissing youand---was that the problem? You didn't like the public displays of affection? You decided youdidn't want her after all? She wasn't a good student?" She goaded him deliberately.He sat straight up and glared at her. "NO! The problem is she was a very good student---I'm justa lousy teacher!" The moment the words escaped him, he turned away from her, breathing hard ashe tried to get his fury and chagrin under control.B'Elanna subsided, thoughtfully massaging her temples as she tried to think of what to say tothat admission. "Harry," she began tentatively. She reached out to touch his shoulder, but hejerked away from her hand."You can see why I couldn't talk to Tom about this!" His voice was choked. "Malista is totallyinexperienced! She was starting to trust me. To---want me---at least it seemed like it. Icouldn't decide if she really wanted ME---or if she was just---curious. And if we did try---Whatif I---what if she didn't---I'm not very experienced myself. What if I did something---What if Imade it *worse* for her?"'Oh, Kahless,' Torres thought, 'why did I ever start this conversation? I know a Klingon's lifeis meaningless without challenges---but this? Is this some kind of test? A warrior's trial?'She took a deep breath. "Harry, if you care about her---and she cares about you---the two of youwill---find a way to make it work." She rolled her eyes at the inadequacy of her own words."You need to talk---to her! And as for talking to Tom---I think you might be underestimatinghim. He'd never hurt you by making jokes about---about something like this. If you had questionsabout---sex---I'm sure Tom would do his best to give you good advice---Tom wants you both to behappy. Or you could try talking to the doctor---no, maybe not."Harry's shoulders straightened. He turned slowly to meet her eyes. "Do you think shewould---Would Malista even listen to an apology?"Torres sent him an encouraging smile. "I think so. You won't know until you try. She still caresfor you. I know that much. She's very confused and hurt right now. You need to be honest withher. If you start by telling her how you feel, she might be willing to tell you what you want toknow."'Thank you, Chakotay,' she thought fervently as she recycled to Harry the advice the firstofficer had given her.Harry's expression lightened, his dark eyes glinting with hope. "Thanks, B'Elanna. You're a goodfriend."She got to her feet. "Well, I think you have enough to think about---and I need to startfollowing my own advice. I'll see you tomorrow."He gave her a quick hug before walking her to his door. "I'm going to think of a special apologyfor Malista. I can't stand another day of this---silence.""Good for you!" she said. When the door slid closed, she headed back to Sandrine's to find Tom.Malista and Harry would have to work out their own problems. She was through playing MissFixit---except in Engineering, of course. She wanted to have a talk with Tom. A long talk---somaybe not tonight---but soon.****************Looking forward to a long, cool drink and a chance to finally relax, B'Elanna walked intoSandrine's and a solid wave of apprehension and avid curiosity radiating from those present hither in the face like the slap of a wet towel.Torres was beginning to feel she was definitely being tested---and if she could identify thosewho were behind the conspiracy to try her patience with one trial after another---they wouldn'tlive long enough to correlate the data.All eyes were fixed on the Delaneys' table. Tom Paris and Malista Shadow were sitting there. Tomgot to his feet, his usual fluid grace missing, his body taut as a bowstring. His attention wasfixed on Jenny Delaney. The redhead was tossing her hair back and glaring up at him defiantly.Megan looked dismayed.Torres looked at Malista for her reaction. The younger girl seemed to have crumpled in onherself. She was hunched in her chair, arms wrapped around her midsection, cringing as if she'dreceived a painful blow. Her eyes were wide open---and horrified.B'Elanna scowled fiercely. There went all hope for a peaceful drink! She shoved her way throughthe onlookers and marched up to Tom's side in time to hear Jenny remark, "I didn't make it up,Tom! As a friend, I thought you'd want to know! I'm just telling you what everyone's saying!"Torres touched Tom's forearm and was surprised when he flinched slightly. "Just what is everyonesaying, Jenny?" she asked, with a fierce glower at the redhead.Tom looked down at B'Elanna. His blue eyes were opaque, a cold cadet blue. "It seems thatwe've---the three of us---" he indicated himself, Shadow, and Torres, "have been seen leavingthe holodeck in our robes. Five times in the last two weeks."Torres didn't get it. "So what?" She glanced at Malista.The younger woman looked up at her with stricken eyes. Tears brimmed in her eyes. "I'm sorry,B'Elanna. I didn't know---I never thought---Oh! I can't believe ---I'm so sorry!" She jumped toher feet and ran for the exit, pushing her way through the crowd that had gathered.Unnoticed in the confusion, Ensign George Natwick followed her.Furious, and having no other target, Torres started for Jenny Delaney. "What did you say,Delaney?"Tom snaked an arm around her waist and, using his strength and B'Elanna's momentum, spun her ina circle away from her target, holding her tightly against his body and putting himself betweenTorres and the Delaneys. She snarled up at him, but didn't try to pull away. She wouldn't riskhurting Tom to get to Jenny. It wasn't worth it."It's gossip, B'Ella. Hitting Jenny won't change anything," Tom said bleakly. "And like shesaid, she didn't start the story---she was just letting me know it was being said."Megan Delaney had the good sense to grab her sister and disappear into the crowd while Paris wasdistracting Torres."What gossip?" B'Elanna demanded, searching his eyes for a hint of feeling.Paris jerked a hand toward the gathering of spectators watching with avid interest. "Let's talksomewhere else?" Without waiting for an answer or even looking at her, he loosened his grip onher and turned them toward the exit. The crowd quickly parted to let them through.******************Natwick didn't have to go far to find Malista Shadow. She hadn't made it past the ObservationLounge, two doors down from the holodeck. She had collapsed on the couch against the wall, herarms wrapped around her waist. She was rocking back and forth, tears silently streaming down herface. Natwick had never in his entire Starfleet career felt so helpless. This was somethingstrength, training, and skill couldn't fix. She looked---desperately, frantically unhappy. Shewas mumbling something under her breath. He couldn't make out the words."Malista?"She didn't respond. If anything, the mumbling increased in volume. Natwick could at least tellthat she wasn't speaking in Standard. He would guess it was Greek. He would have felt more atease if it had sounded like cursing. It sounded like a mournful litany. He moved away from thedoor and eased himself down onto the couch next to her. She ignored him."Malista," he said, a little more loudly. Still no reaction---so he touched her shoulder.She jerked to sudden awareness and frantically scrambled away from him as far as she could. Thearm of the couch stopped her mid-flight as she crashed into it with her side. The impact seemedto jar her from her trance. Her green eyes lit on him with recognition. "George?" she whisperedhuskily."Yeah. Are you okay?" His brow furrowed with concern as he took in her chalky complexion, thefeverish brightness of her eyes."George," she said again, this time with a hint of relief. She strove to smile politely, butfailed miserably. "Did you hear what they said?""No. What did they say?" He was relieved she was talking to him. He had an idea what she wasupset about---he did hear most of the ship's gossip. He didn't understand why a few stupidcomments would upset her to this degree.She bit her lip---hard---not for the first time. A drop of blood appeared."Malista!" George took her hand in his and shook it. "Don't! You're hurting yourself!"She gazed at him blankly.He touched a finger to her lower lip, wiping the blood away. He showed the splotch to her."Oh," she sighed. She shook her head, tossing her hair back over her shoulder, bunching it withone hand, then releasing it as if she didn't know what to do with it."What's wrong?" he asked quietly, taking her hand in his. Few people would have recognized himin this frame of mind. Compassion was not a word associated with Ensign George Natwick.Her voice was thick, her eyes dropped, as she said, "The gossips say that Tom and B'Elanna andI---that we're having an affair! The three of us!""And are you?" He'd heard of stranger things. At least these three were all human. The idea of atrio didn't shock him.It obviously did shock her. "No!" She snatched her hand away from him. "We were using myexercise program---we wear tights---that's why we always wear robes when we leave the holodeck!We aren't---we never---Tom is like a brother---I never---" she spluttered."Calm down," he requested impassively. His lack of emotional response reassured her somehow."People talk. On this ship, there's not much else to do. You know it's not true---so what do youcare what the dimwits say?"She thought about that for a moment. "But it's not true. They shouldn't--- they don't evenknow---""Malista, you're a very private person, right?"She nodded, her eyes huge as she gazed at him---as if she were drowning and he were offering alife-saving rope."It makes you uncomfortable for people to talk about you?"She nodded again."Well, you can't stop them from talking. Get used to it. Is that really what you're worriedabout?" He frowned at her, sensing there was another layer to her anxiety."I don't want this---talk---to hurt Tom---or Ha---B'Elanna!" she blurted."Why should it?"Her eyes widened even further. He hadn't thought it possible. "But, George, he's---she's a veryjealous person! She isn't going to like people saying things like ---about Tom---You know he---"She let a gesture finish the sentence. "She'll be very angry!"He noticed her slips and permitted himself a small smile. "Malista, you're forgetting---sheknows the truth. If there's nothing going on with you three---""There isn't!" she insisted vehemently.He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Okay. Then she knows it. She won't be mad atyou."She drove her fingers into her hair and pulled at the coronet of flowers till it came loose thenthrew the flowers onto the table nearby. "Why am I so stupid? Every time I get close to someonethey get hurt! Tom and B'Elanna were just being kind---being my friends---and look what it gotthem! The scandal of the ship! I can't be friends with them any more! Everyone's whispering andsneaking looks---oh, damn it! Why didn't I just die at Huldon III? It would have saved everyoneso much trouble!" She didn't cry. Her tears seemed to have dried up. The look of quietdesperation was back. Her eyes were wild.It made Natwick uneasy. Counseling was not his area of expertise, but he knew he should try toturn her thoughts to something positive. "There are a lot of people who'd be very unhappy if youhad. Like Tom Paris. B'Elanna Torres." He hesitated, then added, "Harry Kim."At the mention of the Ensign's name, she covered her face with her hands. "Oh, George, I madesuch a mess of everything. Poor Harry. I expected too much of him. I can't---I couldn't--- maybeif I had---And now this rumor---He'll think Tom--- his best friend---if I could stop therumors---I could save their friendship---but how?" She broke off in confusion, lost in thoughtfor several moments.Natwick cleared his throat. "Malista, if there's anything I can do to help---?" He stopped. Hedidn't know what he expected her to say---but it certainly wasn't what she did say."George," she drawled thoughtfully, slowly dropping her hands from her face and tilting her headto slide a considering look in his direction.That glint in her eyes made him nervous. His palms started to sweat. He'd never seen thatparticular look in a woman's eyes before. He didn't know what it meant.She gathered all her courage and knelt on the couch next to him. Her hands came out to grip hismuscular upper arms. "George, you're something of a ladies' man, aren't you?"His eyes narrowed warily. "Yeah, sort of. Some women think so," he replied. "Why?""I want you to do me a favor," she said, peering into his eyes with intensity. She slid herhands from his arms, up his shoulders, and around his neck."What kind of favor?" he asked suspiciously.She smiled---a Mona Lisa smile, mysterious---seductive. "I've never had sex---made love withanyone. I want you---to teach me how to make love to a man."Ensign George Natwick gulped.********************Tom Paris kept a firm hold on B'Elanna Torres' waist as he all but hauled her along, forcing herto step quickly to keep up with his long, ground-eating strides. Though he was taking her withhim, she wasn't sure he knew she was there. Usually so polite and considerate, he didn't seem tonotice it was an effort for her to match his pace. She'd never seen him so---upset. Shewondered if this was how he looked when he was angry.When he moved, he usually reminded her of a dancer---all smooth, fluid, graceful movements. Atthe moment, he more closely resembled a Tarkellian Tiger, silken steel muscles rippling undervelvety azure fur as it stalked its prey. His cheeks were reddened as he flushed with the heatof his wrath. His usually expressive blue eyes were cold, blank. He looked absolutely---dangerous.She felt her own heartbeat accelerating---but not with fear or anger. Her own anger had meltedaway in fascination at Tom's reaction to the confrontation at Sandrine's.He stopped at his quarters, and without asking, punched in the code and towed her inside. Hestood in the center of the room for a moment. Finally, he absent-mindedly released his hold onher---almost as if he'd forgotten he'd been holding onto her---and stalked over to the viewport,glaring out at the stars as if the very sight of them offended him. His hands hung at his sides,fists clenched, knuckles whitened. Every muscle in his body seemed to have locked into a postureperfect position reminiscent of Starfleet protocols for coming to attention."Tom?" she ventured cautiously.His jaw worked for a moment---as if he was going to speak. He shook his head as if the effortto say anything was beyond him. She hesitated, unsure whether touching him was a good idea ornot. She decided to try it. Touch was an important part of communicating with Tom. It alwaysseemed to comfort and settle him.She slipped an arm lightly around his waist. He welcomed her by placing his hand over hers tohold her arm in place. His hand tightened painfully on her fingers. "Tom?" she whispered. "Areyou okay?""No," he said, almost inaudibly."What's the matter? Can I help?""You are helping," he said. He reached behind him and pulled her around in front of him. He tookboth her hands in his. "I'm just so---angry. Maybe you should leave." His jaw tightened, histeeth clenched causing his neck muscles to tauten."Why?"He shook his head, a tremor ran through his tense body as he fought for control of his voice,his body, and his emotions."Are you going to throw a tantrum?" she asked curiously, a hint of a smile in her dark eyes.He dropped her hands and faced the viewport again. "I want to," he retorted tersely. Withclenched fists, he leaned against the bulkhead. He was holding himself so rigidly, his musclesquivered with the strain.She frowned at him. She didn't understand this kind of anger. He wasn't doing---anything. She'dhave been hitting something or throwing things by now."How dare they?" he muttered."What?""How dare they do this?" he said, his volume increasing two decibels. He spun to face her. Theflush of temper had faded, leaving him bleached white, the finely shaped bones of his facestanding out in stark relief against the darkness behind him. The ice in the blue eyes hadthawed---consumed by blue hot flames that danced like sparks from a chemical blaze. "How couldthose vicious, mean-mouthed, ignorant, babbling, blockheads start a story like that---About you?About Malista?"She felt as if she was about to witness a flash flood. She prepared herself for a suddentorrential onslaught of earsplitting, furious words. To her complete surprise, his voice becamequieter and more controlled---it was a deadly combination --- positively venomous. He wasn'tseeing her at all. His eyes were intent on nothing ---except perhaps an inner vision that shecouldn't share. Though she knew the words and anger were not directed at her, she felt a chillrun up her spine."How could anyone be so malicious---so *vile* as to start a rumor like that? Me? I'm fair game.There's nothing they can say about me that hasn't been said before---but Malista is an innocent!You should have seen the look on her face when she heard---And you! How could they possiblythink---How many times have you saved this ship?! Saved their stinking lives?---If I findout--If I find out who started this vicious smear-" His voice was a deadly hiss."To deliberately hurt someone--- I'm used to it. I've been a target before---but to hurtyou---to involve Malista---to twist the truth--- when she's already in such pain! She's neverhurt anyone on this ship!---I will rip them limb from limb. If I find out. If I find out whostarted this rumor, Tuvok will never find enough *pieces* to figure out what happened to them."It was a promise. His upper lip curled up in a feral sneer. He was focused on an invisibleopponent, his eyes appeared to be calculating exactly where and when he planned to strike---orhow he could hurt that person the most."Tom!" B'Elanna's shocked brown eyes met his. She seized his shoulders and shook him. She wasfrightened by his intensity. She knew---intellectually---that he would never hurt her---but theglacial, deliberate nature of his threats scared her. She was used to a red hot rage---one thatflared up hotly and quickly ---dying out nearly as fast as it flared up. This cold, implacablerage was something she didn't understand. He seemed to still be somewhat in control. She decidedthen and there that she did NOT want to see him lose his temper. *Ever*. "Tom, calm down. You'reoverreacting."As she shook him and broke his concentration, Tom's mind came back from far away---from a lonelyand desolate place to which it had traveled. "B'Elanna?" He was bemused by her presence and herexpression."Tom?" She peered up into his eyes, searchingly. The cool, controlled Tom Paris was beginning toemerge as he gave her his full attention, his anger sublimated by concern for her obviousdistress."Yes, B'Ella? What's the matter?" He grimaced as a twinge of pain shot through his forehead, areaction to stress and tension. "Are you okay?" He raised a hand toward her face to cup hercheek.She took his hand and led him to the recliner, pushing him gently onto it. He cooperated easilyin an effort to please her, his body relaxing into the welcome support of the chair. He tuggedon her arm, pulling her down beside him. She snuggled into his side as his arm automaticallyencircled her shoulders. She propped herself up on one elbow, still staring at him worriedly."Tom, are you all right?"He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I'm sorry, B'Ella. I shouldn't let myself get so---workedup." He used his free hand to rub his forehead. "I get such a tension headache when I---" Hestopped and forced himself to think before he spoke. "I'm sorry.""For what?" She rested her head on his shoulder, leaning into the curve of his neck and inhalingthe spicy scent of Tom mixed with the tangy sweet citrus smell of his aftershave. She worked herfingers around the top three buttons of his shirt, slipping them out of the holes and looseningthe neckline."I shouldn't lose my temper," he muttered. "I'm sorry I barked at you. You know I'm not---""You didn't bark at me," she murmured, resisting the temptation to take a little nip of thesoft, warm skin of his throat. "Would you like to tell me what---upset you so much?"The stress and tension of his wrath had taken a toll on his body. He felt exhausted. Herquestion, however, snapped him out of his lethargy. "What? I didn't tell you?"She shook her head. Her hair tickled his cheek."Damn," he said in disgust. "There's a rumor going around the ship that you and Malista andI---are a trio. And that the reason Malista and Harry broke up was because Harry didn't want toshare---"He was beginning to tense up again. She propped herself on her elbow and looked down at him. Sheused her index finger to stop his lips. "Tom. Calm down." Her hand went up to massage histemple, stroke his hair.He stared at her, perplexed by her serenity. "B'Elanna, what is wrong with you? Why aren't youas enraged about this as I am? I thought you'd be---I don't know-""Furious? I am." She ran her finger up the side of his face and meticulously traced hischeekbones, then his eyebrows before trailing her fingers down his throat."You don't look it," he murmured, moving into her touch as he became distracted."You were furious enough for both of us. Since we can't stop a rumor or trace it back to thesource---it's kind of pointless to get so upset anyway."He felt a red tide of heat rushing into his cheeks. "Yeah. Listen, I'm really sorry-" He turnedhis face away. He hated losing control---and to have done it at Sandrine's---and in front ofB'Elanna Torres! "I should have---I'm sorry if I've embarrassed you. I'll be fine. If you wantto leave, I understand---"B'Elanna grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eye. "Thomas Eugene Paris, you havenot embarrassed me. Is that clear?" she asked sternly.A flicker of amusement crossed his face. "Yes, Ma'am!"She loved the way he said that---polite, respectful but with an underlying hint of impudence."How many times have you seen me lose my temper?"Tom's eyebrow furrowed as he thought that one over. "I have no idea, Ma'am. I can't count thathigh without a calculator. Or did you mean just today?""Exactly. So don't apologize for losing your temper." She took her courage in both hands andplunged onward. "When two people care for each other, they have to expect to take the good withthe bad---tempers and all."Tom's breath caught in his chest. It was the closest B'Elanna had come to verbalizing herfeelings for him. He brought his hand up to cup her cheek. "You are not only beautiful, butwise."She almost sloughed off his compliment---as she usually did. This time she decided not to."Thank you." She received her reward for good manners immediately.Tom's eyes lit, his face suffused with joy. Smile Number Ten! Pure delight! She would love tosee that smile every day. "You're learning, Torres!""Don't push your luck, Paris!" she growled, with mock ferocity. "So now that you've calmed down,what do you really want to do about the rumors?""What can we do?" he asked bitterly. "Malista was shocked. She's so innocent. She's hurt thatanyone could think she'd betray you---or Harry. And that's how she would see it. I don't want toknow what Harry's going to think when he hears them. He was jealous already---when he hears therumor that I'm the guy who stole his girl---and that I've evidently included her in myharem---That's the end of our friendship! I'm going to lose them both. Because of a stinkingrumor."She bent down and captured his lips with her own. When they stopped for breath, she leaned backand said, "Tom, Harry's your best friend. Do you think he'll believe those stories? He knows itisn't true.""You can't count on that, B'Ella. He was so irrational and jealous that he broke up with Malistaover nothing!""It wasn't exactly nothing. Remember, I talked to Harry this evening. A lot of it was Harryover-analyzing everything to death and ---a lack of communication. When I left him, he wastrying to think of ways to apologize to Malista. I think if she accepts his apology, that willput an end to the rumors," Torres said, slightly diverted from the conversation as she gazedadmiringly at Tom's aristocratic profile. Her fingers were making little circles in the red goldcurls of hair peeking from the top of his shirt."That tickles!" he protested, capturing her hand in his own and kissing her palm. "As forsettling the rumors---Naw! They'll probably just say that the four of us---"His words were cut off by the return of B'Elanna's lips. She explored the shape of his mouth asif mapping new territory. "Tom. What a bunch of idiots choose to talk about doesn't interest mevery much. You think we can discuss the rumors some other time? If at all?""Hmmm," he murmured. His eyes suddenly flew open. "Malista!" He sat up so abruptly he almostknocked B'Elanna off the recliner. "What happened to Malista?"Torres gazed at him blankly."She was at Sandrine's. What happened to her? She didn't come with us. Did she stay there?""I don't know.""Computer, locate Crewman Malista Shadow." He was pacing the floor now. He couldn't believe hehadn't remembered to check up on her---to reassure her."Crewman Malista Shadow is in her quarters," the computer's smooth tones replied."She'll be all right, then," Paris said, smiling gently at Torres as she came to stand besidehim once more. "I'll talk to her in the morning."It was fortunate for Tom's peace of mind that he stopped his inquiry there. He didn't think toask if Malista Shadow was alone.*****************George Natwick wasn't sure what he'd gotten himself into. He'd followed Malista because she wasdistressed---and Paris had been too distracted to notice and do anything about it. He hadn'texpected to be propositioned. Not that it hadn't happened before---it was just---it hadnever---he'd never been propositioned by a virgin before. He didn't think he'd had sex with avirgin---since he'd been one! And that was years---and years ago!He'd seated himself on the couch in Malista's quarters when she'd excused herself to wash herface and change into "something more comfortable". It was so clichˇ---but then she probablywouldn't know that. He'd thought the tight green jumpsuit she was wearing looked comfortable.Maybe it wasn't---but it certainly had elevated his blood pressure. George glanced up as sheappeared in the doorway of her bedroom. For a moment, he couldn't breathe.She looked---beautiful. She'd taken her hair down and loosened her braids. Her shoulder-lengthhair waved down to teasingly frame her blushing cheeks. Too timid to wear provocative lingerieto set the scene for seduction, she wore very short black shorts, displaying her long, shapelylegs. The blouse---white with green embroidery---was the same one she'd worn to the Cinco deMayo party at the resort a few weeks ago. The elastic of the neckline encircled her upper arms,leaving her neck, shoulders, and the upper curves of her breasts bare and---touchable. Now, asthen, George felt a strong desire to caress that lovely expanse of skin---with his hands---orhis mouth.He got to his feet. She approached him tentatively, a smile tugging at her lips as she took inhis reaction. Innocent as she was, she could tell her appearance pleased and excited him. Theystood facing each other for a moment, looking each other over appreciatively.George raised his hand toward her waist. She didn't flinch away. He pulled her toward him. Shecame easily to rest against him. The smile wavered as his head dipped toward hers. His lipsbrushed across hers, careful not to hurt her lip where she'd bitten it.She hadn't expected such gentleness. Not from George Natwick. From his appearance and his usualstyle of interacting with women, she'd expected---she didn't know what she'd expected. Shehadn't thought about---it hadn't occurred to her that she'd be doing this with anyone but---Shegritted her teeth and tried to concentrate on the physical sensations of the moment. She didn'twant to think---not now. And certainly not about Harry. If she thought about Harry---she'd neverbe able to go through with this.George was trailing kisses up her silky throat. His hand came up to cup her breast. He felt hertremble. He paused. She didn't move away or protest. He nipped at her earlobe. She liked that.She made a humming noise as she inhaled a shaky breath. He did it again."Mmm," she murmured. She slid her arms around his waist and nuzzled his neck. His other handwent down to stroke her hip and pull her more firmly against him. She leaned in to his warmthand hardness, reveling in the contrast between her body and his---hardness/softness, silky bareskin/hair-roughened skin, curves/planes. Her hands stroked his back as she tried to work herselfeven closer to him. She gasped as he sucked her earlobe between his lips and nibbled at it,feeling his warm breath in her ear and caressing her skin. She sighed with pleasure, her wordsall but inaudible, "Oh, Harry."Natwick froze.She tilted her head up to gaze at him, a frown of puzzlement appearing between her eyes at hissudden lack of movement. His hands dropped away from her and he retreated a few steps."George? Did I do something---" Her mind caught up with her ears and she realized what she'dsaid. "Oh." One hand went up to cover her mouth. She extended her other hand towards him. "I'msorry. George, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to---" She had no idea what to say.Natwick was momentarily paralyzed by the conflict between the demands of his mind and body. Hishormone-stimulated body was telling him to ignore her slip, accept her apology, and get back topleasing both her and himself physically. He wanted her---had wanted her for weeks. She waswilling.His mind was telling him she was emotionally upset---she didn't know what she was doing---and areal man wouldn't take advantage of her. Could he live with himself if they went through withthis and she regretted it tomorrow---if not sooner? He wanted desperately to tell his mind toshut up."George," she repeated, dismayed and apologetic. She stepped toward him, her arms moving to goaround his neck once more.His hands shot out, caught her wrists and held them in front of him. Confusion, doubt,and---just for a split second---fear---filled her green eyes. It was the fear that settled theissue as far as Natwick was concerned."Malista," he growled. "You don't want this---not really. And not with me." His body shriekedat him that he was forty-seven varieties of a fool.She tried to argue with him. "George, you don't understand. I'm sorry. I shouldn't havesaid---I don't know why I said---""Because you want---him. You love him, don't you?" His voice was sad, disappointed. He rubbedhis thumbs over the base of her palms as he waited for her response.She nodded slowly. She'd never admitted it to herself, but as he said it, she suddenly knew itwas true. "But it doesn't matter, does it? Because he---doesn't want me," she said mournfully."Then he's a fool. So why start something with me? You just wanted to have some fun?" he asked,sarcasm giving his words an edge. "Or am I supposed to be a stand-in for him?"Her eyes flew back to his. "No. I'm sorry," she repeated. "George, I didn't mean to use youtonight---I just thought---I mean I have to have sex sometime, right? And if it can't be Harry,then---""Then it doesn't matter who with?" He drew on his stoic warrior persona as he faced that blow,so deadly to his ego.She read the hurt she'd dealt him and reacted immediately with compassion. "No! That's not whatI meant. George, I wouldn't have tried this with---*anybody*. I do find you attractive---andyou're nice. You're a lot sweeter than you let on.""Uh-huh," he muttered skeptically."George," she said, with a flash of anger, "if I wanted just anybody---I could have gone lookingfor Freddie Bristow---or somebody else who wouldn't think twice about--"He dropped his hold on her hands. "Freddie Bristow?" he repeated incredulously. "That kid? Youwould not!" He seemed appalled at the very idea."At least *he* wants me!" she shouted, turning her back on him, trying to hide her hurt andhumiliation.He grabbed her shoulders and spun her to face him. "*I* want you!" he said emphatically."Then why not---""Because *you* don't want *me*!!" he said pointedly. "Your first time should be with someone youhave feelings for, Malista. Don't throw away something special because you're mad at HarryKim---or because you're trying to stop the cackling of a bunch of empty-headed birdbrains!"Hot tears spilled over. "Oh, George! I'm sorry. I'm such a mess. I can't believe how stupid---Ithought if we---the gossips would stop talking about me and Tom---and Harry kept saying I was'innocent' so I thought that if you taught me---then Harry would---I could---"With a mighty effort, Natwick controlled his exasperation and pulled her close to let her cry onhis shoulder. "Malista, if you slept with me---even if it was only to get over your fear---Iguarantee you---Harry Kim would not like it! He certainly wouldn't appreciate it if you sleptwith me to stop some rumors. Did you think he'd let you demonstrate what you learned?""I wasn't thinking at all!" she sniffed. Pulling away from him, she walked over to her table andgrabbed a tissue. She dabbed at her eyes and blew her nose."No, you weren't. You were just reacting. Physically, I could teach you a few things.Emotionally, it might do more harm than I can live with. But I'm not going to teach you anything---not until it's *me* you want. I have too much self-esteem to be a substitute for someoneelse. It's getting late. Now, I'm leaving. You get some rest." He started for the door. "Anddon't worry! I won't tell anyone about this! I'm not a gossip."Her face crumpled as she dropped onto the couch. "Oh, damn. I can't even seduce a man who *does*want me!" She buried her face in the crook of her arm, her shoulders shaking silently. She wasmuttering under her breath again. This time it did sound like cursing.Natwick studied her for a moment. Enough was enough. He didn't know all the details, but he knewenough to know who to blame for this fiasco. He marched out her door, leaving it unlocked andheaded for the quarters of Ensign Harry Kim. It was his intention to tell---no, make thatorder--Kim to come apologize to Malista. And if he refused---George almost hoped he would. Hewas on a very short fuse right now.****************"Ensign Kim to Commander Chakotay."Janeway looked up from the reports she held and cocked an eyebrow at her first officerquizzically. They'd just gotten settled in to begin work again.He shrugged with a half smile. "When it rains, it pours?" He put down his datapadd and hit hiscommbadge. "Chakotay here.""Commander, I was wondering if you---if you aren't busy, I'd like to speak with you aboutsomething." The ensign hesitated as he checked the time. It was getting late for drop in visits.Janeway, smiling ruefully, was collecting the reports and datapadds once more. She waved a handat the first officer."Of course, Mr. Kim. Would you like to come to my quarters?" Chakotay replied."Be right there. Kim out.""Captain---""Don't worry about it, Chakotay. If these little talks are going to ease some of the tension, itwill be well worth the interruptions to our meetings. We'll finish these tomorrow---unless, ofcourse, Tom or Malista decide they have to talk to you!" She smiled as she exited his quartersonce more.He sighed, shook his head, and tried to prepare himself for Harry's arrival.*********************Tom turned to look at B'Elanna Torres as he slipped his arm around her shoulders. "I owe JennyDelaney an apology.""Why?" Torres snorted. "She was spreading the rumor, wasn't she?""No," he replied. "Not really. She was just letting me in on it---before I heard it somewhereelse. The Delaneys don't spread rumors. They've been the victims of too many of them. SomethingI have some experience with myself. I overreacted. I just got---upset---because of the way itaffected Malista. She was already in such pain and then this on top of everything else!" Hepaused, unsure if he should continue. "B'Elanna,---we need to talk."She'd never thought he'd be the one to say it. She stared up at him solemnly and nodded slowly.He led her to the couch and sat her down on one end, then moved his armchair perpendicular toher position. She patted the empty space next to her on the couch. "You can't talk sitting nextto me?" she asked, half teasing him. He looked so---serious.A rueful smile tugged at his lips. "You're too distracting. If I'm near enough to touchyou---we'll start kissing---and that will be the end of the conversation," he confessed. "Ithought that was one of the things you were---annoyed about?"For lack of anything better to do with her hands, she crossed her arms. "Yes, Tom. That is onething I complained about. That you were avoiding having to talk to me by getting physical." Itwas an effort for her to sit still, but she made it gladly. "Not that I don't enjoy gettingphysical---""B'Elanna, don't make this harder," he said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He probablywould have looked more at ease facing a firing squad. "We said we were going to get to know eachother---and I haven't exactly---I don't really know ---You want to talk?"He cleared his throat. His hands clasped the arms of the chair, his knuckles whitening as heforced himself not to flinch away from her brown-eyed appraisal. "I don't know what you want totalk about---how do you---do you want to ask questions, or what?" Smile Number Four flickeredon and off his lips.She took a deep breath and tried to smile at him. He seemed to be braced for anexamination---one that he wasn't sure he could pass. She'd never meant to make him thismiserable. She wanted to reach out and pull him into her arms, to soothe him---but that wouldjust be postponing this discussion for another time---and it might be harder to get to thispoint another time. She licked lips that had suddenly gone dry. 'Oh, Chakotay,' she thought, 'Ihope you know what you're talking about!'"Tom, I know I thanked you for your help and support when we were prisoners of the Vidiians,"she began. His blues eyes widened. He had expected a question, not this. "But I don't think Iever told you---how brave I thought you were." She tried to swallow past the lump in herthroat."Brave?" he whispered. "What---?" It was as if he didn't recognize the word.She nodded. "It was very brave of you to try so hard to protect me---the human me---and PeteDurst. You almost pushed them into killing you when you defied them. You risked your own life tokeep the Vidiians from hurting us.""And I did a bang up job for poor Pete, too," he muttered sourly, dropping his eyes to thefloor.She couldn't stand to see the poignant look on his face. She leaned forward and rested her handon his forearm, squeezing tightly. "Tom, just because you couldn't save Pete---that doesn't meanyou weren't brave. Remember, the Vidiians had all the advantages---weapons, numbers. You stoodup to them and tried to put yourself between them and Pete. It's not your fault that they wonthat round. You did your best."His mouth twisted as he met her eyes. "And my best wasn't good enough. Again.""Tom! You make me so mad!" She shook his arm. "Stop beating yourself up so much! If anyone elsehad been there, would it have made a difference? Could anyone else have done more?"He thought about it for a moment. "I don't know," he said uncertainly."Then give yourself the benefit of the doubt!" She jumped to her feet. "You remember what youtold me in the tunnels of that mine? You said that courage doesn't mean you don't have fear. Itmeans you've learned to overcome it. And Tom, you have! You saved my life---maybe my sanity aswell! I'm just sorry I let my pride keep me from telling you how much you helped me then! Ishould have told you--- lots of things---Like I never told you how proud I was of you when youbrought Voyager back to us---You kept your head, enlisted help--- Most of us on that planet werejust hoping you were---alive." There was a catch in her throat. "We wanted to believe youwere---and that you might bring the shuttle or a Talaxian ship to rescue us. We never dreamedyou'd bring Voyager back for us!---You were *wonderful*! And I'm sorry I never told you---"He smiled up at her, wanting desperately to believe she was sincere. "I think I've changed mymind. Maybe we can talk and hold each other at the same time?" he asked wistfully. He held hisarms up.She laughed and threw herself into his lap, her arms circling his neck. "Do you think this isgoing to help?"He stroked her hair and studied her face as if memorizing it. "You are so beautiful.""That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing about you," she murmured, caressing his cheekwith her palm. She felt herself falling into the blue, mesmerizing pools of his eyes."B'Ella, I wanted to tell you," he paused to clear his throat. "I wanted to say I'm sorry fornot being more---honest about how I feel. You wanted to know what happened at Caldik Prime and Iwouldn't---"She placed a finger over his lips. "It's not important, Tom. That's your past. I never meant forus to have some kind of confession meeting. I don't want a chance to cross-examine you. I justwant you to feel free to---just be yourself. You don't always have to be---kidding around. Ifyou want to talk about Caldik Prime---or the prison in New Zealand---or whatever---then we'lltalk about it. If you feel sad, feel sad with me. If you're happy, share it with me! Tell mewhat you want from me--- what you need from me! And I'll tell you the same things! We may haveto wear a mask in public, but when we're alone together I don't want to wear a mask for you. Idon't want you to pretend with me either. I want to be with you---Tom Paris!""Aw, B'Ella," he groaned, resting his forehead against hers. "I've been alone so long---until Icame to Voyager---it's such a habit to keep everything to myself--- keep myself undercontrol---keep anyone from getting too close!""I know. I feel the same way. It's not easy for me to open up either. We can take thisslowly---and help each other. I'll fight my impatience. I don't expect you to change overnight,Paris!" she growled. "And I don't plan to either---so don't get your hopes up!"He chuckled as he stroked her hair once more, running his thumbs lightly over her head bumps."You're perfect just the way you are! You don't have to change a thing about yourself!"She put the back of her hand against his forehead."What are you doing?" he asked with a puzzled frown."Checking for a temperature--- if you think I'm perfect, you must be delirious with fever!" Shetried to get off his lap and pretended she was going to call Sickbay.He refused to relinquish his hold on her and tried to keep her hands away from her commbadge.They were playfully wrestling when they heard a loud thunk against the outside wall of hisquarters."What the hell---?" They both got to their feet and started for the exit.******************The counseling session with Harry Kim was---different. Within minutes, Chakotay came to theconclusion that the ensign did not, in fact, want advice. He just needed an objective soundingboard. Chakotay listened carefully, tried to look wise, and nodded his head at regularintervals."---and because I felt insecure, I made all kinds of irrational accusations---I knew theyweren't true when I made them, but I couldn't seem to stop myself---and now I want to find a wayto apologize. So what do you think I should do now, Commander?" Harry's earnest face was turnedtoward him.Chakotay blinked. That was his cue to finally say something. "How about flowers?""I've already done that," the ensign admitted. "Of course--- I did it anonymously. I signed thecard 'Your Secret Admirer'.""Why?""Why what?" the younger man asked."Why not let her know you sent the flowers?" Chakotay elucidated.Harry flashed him a sheepish grin. " I thought---I wasn't sure she'd accept the flowers if sheknew I sent them. So I sent them anonymously. It's Greek Independence Day. The people inMalista's colony celebrate it as a holiday. The blue and white flowers represent the Greek flag.I thought it might make her feel---more like home."Chakotay smiled kindly at the young man. Trust Harry Kim to do something so thoughtful. "DoesMalista like sweets? You could replicate some candy as a gift.""Chocolate caramels!" Harry said as if inspired. "Thanks, Commander! That's just the thing. Butwhat do I say to her?""How about---I'm sorry?"Harry sighed heavily. "Do you really think that will be enough? I said some pretty unforgivablethings to her.""If they were truly 'unforgivable' then it won't matter what you say," the first officer saidsimply. "If she's willing to forgive---then I'm sorry is a good place to start."Ensign Kim looked much happier than when he'd arrived. "Thanks. I'll get to work on thosechocolates. I want to settle this.""It's getting late, Mr. Kim," Chakotay reminded him.Harry nodded his agreement. "This can't wait another day, sir. I want to settle this tonight!"Chakotay watched the ensign leave with a spring in his step and felt that perhaps he wasn'tdoing too badly as Ship's Counselor. He debated calling the captain to come back and work onthe reports, checked the chronometer, and decided against it. It was 2400---the ship's Alpha andBeta crews were settling in for the night. Let the captain enjoy the peace and quiet.****************Ensign George Natwick had built up quite a head of steam by the time he found Ensign Harry Kimin the corridor. His encounter with Malista had left testosterone surging through his veins. Itwas pounding through his bloodstream, screaming for some form of release---and since he hadnobly turned down the possibility of a sexual release---violent action of some sort would haveto be an adequate substitute. For now.Harry, his mind on other things, was barely aware that George was bearing down on him. He wastotally unaware of the expression on Natwick's face---or he would have been on guard.The first thing Harry knew of a problem was when he found his path blocked by the massiveNatwick. Harry looked up---and up. He frowned. "What's the problem, Natwick?""You are, you little---" Natwick's right arm went back.Harry had the presence of mind to duck under that swing, but was caught on the right side of theface by a follow-through blow from Natwick's left hook. The punch straightened Kim up and senthim crashing into the wall. He was dazed momentarily and shook his head in an effort to clearit. That just made his head hurt and his vision blur.Tom and B'Elanna came rushing out of Tom's quarters in time to see Natwick latch onto Kim'sshoulder and spin the smaller man, preparing for another blow. The big man drew back his fist.Later, Torres swore to Chakotay that it was over so fast, she didn't even get to see it clearly.Torres had every intention of going for Natwick herself---to keep him from hurting Harry anyfurther. The usually slow-moving, easy-going, calm Tom Paris moved so quickly she missed thewhole thing---almost.Tom's left arm swept her behind him--- then he stepped forward ---and this was the part shemissed---probably due to blinking! It was that fast!--- then Paris had Natwick pinned to thewall, the big ensign's right arm bent up behind him, his left arm pinned by his own body. Tom'sarm was around Natwick's throat, his foot had kicked Natwick's legs apart so that he was offbalance and couldn't get any leverage to break free.Ensign George Natwick! The self-defense expert of the Security detail. Pinned in less thanthree seconds---by the ship's pilot! It was unfortunate the Security vidcams were not in aposition to catch the exchange. Many crewmembers would have paid replicator credits for a copyof the tape. Especially Natwick's former students."Harry? You okay?" Tom panted, firmly holding the squirming Natwick who stopped squirming whenhe found he couldn't break the lieutenant's hold without hurting himself. That was anotherfirst. Several crewmembers in nearby quarters, attracted by the noise, came out to see what wasgoing on.Ignoring the gathering crowd, B'Elanna went to steady Harry Kim. He was leaning against thewall, holding his already swelling jaw, a slight cut above his right eye trickling blood downthe side of his face. His lower lip was puffing up and bleeding where it had been forced againsthis teeth by the blow."I'm fine," Kim snarled, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth with his fist. "But Idon't know what the hell is going on!"Torres spun on Natwick. "What is going on, George? You better have a damn good reason---""Ask your little friend about Malista!" Natwick growled."What does Malista have to do with this?" Paris demanded, pushing the man more forcefullyagainst the wall."You can let go now, Lieutenant Paris! We'll take it from here," announced the familiar voice ofEnsign Mikel Hudson. The Security man appeared around the corner of the corridor with hispartner, Ensign Ethan Simms.They moved into position to watch the three officers, making mental notes they knew they'd needfor their reports. No one moved for a moment. Simms took a step forward and stood next to Paris.The lieutenant stepped back, cautiously releasing his hold on Natwick. He was ready for theensign to make a charge at him. He almost would welcome it---for the release of adrenaline ifnothing else. It had been an---aggravating evening all around.George turned slowly, shaking his head. He eyed Lieutenant Tom Paris with a new sense of respectas he discreetly rubbed his shoulder. "You want to show me that move sometime?" he requested,his professional interest suddenly kicking in as his unexpected burst of temper cooled.Paris frowned disbelievingly at Natwick, looking from him to Harry Kim. He shrugged. "Maybe---ifI won't have to use it on you again. It works best when you pick on someone your own size." Ascathing look convicted Natwick of being a bully. "Now would you like to explain why you hitEnsign Kim? And what does it have to do with my sist---Malista Shadow?"Simms moved between Paris and Natwick, ready to take his fellow security officer intocustody---and to deflect the lieutenant if his apparently ragged control over his temper shouldslip. Hudson flanked their prisoner on the other side."I want him to apologize to Malista," Natwick stated loudly. "He owes her an apology!""That's where I was going when you hit me, you big jerk!" Kim shouted. "What business is it ofyours anyway?!" He pushed away from the wall, taking a step toward his attacker, only to bebody-blocked by B'Elanna Torres."She made it my business!" Natwick suddenly realized they had an audience. No matter how angryhe was, he wasn't going to embarrass Malista by telling the world she'd tried to seduce him. Hegenuinely cared about her. He stopped to reconsider his next words. "I left her in her quarters!You go see her! Right now! Before she does some other stupid thing to try to make you happy!""What stupid thing did she do?" Harry said, immediately worried by the answers supplied by theflights of his imagination. "What were *you* doing in her quarters?" His voice rosebelligerently. "What did you do to her?"Natwick refused to answer. He shook his head in stubborn silence."I assume the charge is assaulting an officer?" Hudson asked coolly.Paris nodded, dissecting Natwick with his eyes."We'll need a statement from you for our report," Simms stated. Paris nodded again. Simms andHudson gestured for Natwick to lead the way. The three of them headed for the brig.Harry tossed an anxious look at Tom and B'Elanna. "I'm going to check on Malista. Thanks, Tom."He took off at a run.Paris started to follow. Torres snagged his arm. "Tom! Let him handle it. It's not yourresponsibility.""Harry should go to Sickbay---" He started to argue."He's a big boy. He can find his way there by himself. I have a question for you," she said,frowning up at him. He raised his eyebrows.There was another loud thunk and a yell from the corridor behind them. "What the---Now what?"Torres raised her eyebrows. "That sounded like---Freddie Bristow?"Uh-oh! Dalby must have caught up with him! I tried to tell Bristow he shouldn't bother Diane!When is that kid going to learn to take no for an answer?" Paris threw an exasperated lookskyward. "This has been some night! Is this some kind of a test?"B'Elanna grinned at him as she took his hand. "That's what I said! Let's go pick up thepieces---of Freddie!"*******************Malista was still cursing---in fluent Greek. She was also cleaning her quarters---or tearingthem apart. It was difficult to guess her intention from first impressions.Every drawer, storage compartment, and closet had been turned out. Every piece of furniture nowheld piles of her clothing and belongings.Harry hit the door signal. Malista didn't answer. The door was unlocked. He took a deep breathand went in without an invitation. "Malista?"Her back was toward the door. He saw her spine stiffen, but she didn't turn. She kept foldingarticles of clothing and rearranging them in the drawers in her sleeping area. "What do youwant?" she said abruptly."Are you all right?"She jumped guiltily. "Why wouldn't I be?"Harry decided to leave well enough alone. Whatever Natwick had been referring to---it wasobvious Malista was fine---physically. She was more than fine. She was beautiful. "I cameto---tell you I'm sorry."She didn't respond. She refused to even look at him. She kept her eyes fixed on the tasks offolding, sorting, and putting away the entire contents of her closet and storage facilities."I wanted to apologize five minutes after I left that night, but I was afraid--- you wouldn'twant to---I didn't think you'd listen to me."She kept her eyes on what she was doing. "Why should I listen now?" She told herself not to gether hopes up. He was going to say he just wanted to be friends. He didn't want to jeopardize hisfriendship with Tom. She didn't want to hear the 'let's be friends' speech again.'Oh, gods!' she thought. ' I wonder if he's heard the rumors! Maybe he wants to know if it'strue!'"Because I am sorry. I would do anything to make it up to you---I never meant to hurt you." Anote of pleading had entered the young man's voice.Her shoulders slumped as she leaned over, resting her hands on the table for support, stillfacing the wall. "Then why did you?" she asked in a very small voice."I don't know," he replied hesitantly. She looked so lovely. He'd missed her so much. His eyeswere drawn to her those long, silky legs and the curve of her bottom as she bent over the table.The sleeve of her blouse had slipped further off her shoulder exposing even more creamy goldskin.He quickly fixed his eyes on the ceiling. If he looked at her---he'd never be able to think ofwhat he wanted to say. He'd only want to touch her---and never let her go.She snapped upright and marched into the living area to pick up another stack of her belongings."That's a lie. You know why. You just don't want to tell me. I don't want to play games, Harry.I told you that night at the resort---I'm not good at playing games. So just get out of myquarters!""No," he said flatly. "That's the mistake I made last time. I shouldn't have left. I should havestayed and talked to you---honestly---whether you wanted to talk to me or not."She threw her armload on the bed and crossed her arms. She leaned against the wall and studiedher fingertips. "So if you want to talk---go ahead. Talk."He used the back of his hand to rub a trickle of blood off his chin, stifling a moan as hebrushed against his swollen lip. "Okay. You want to know why I ranted like an idiot and accusedyou of being interested in other men?"She nodded. She refused to look at him. She didn't dare look at him. If she looked into his darkeyes, saw his sweet smile, it would be too easy to forget about demanding explanations and justbeg him to kiss her, to hold her."I was jealous. And insecure," he admitted. He sank down on her couch without waiting for aninvitation. Hitting the wall had left him feeling a little dizzy. "I couldn't believe you couldbe interested in plain, Harry Kim. You're just so--- beautiful---and charming. What man wouldn'twant you?""Yeah, sure," she snorted. "You were jealous---of me?" She found it hard to believe. Her faithin her own attractiveness had always been shaky---and now---after her failed attempt with GeorgeNatwick---she wasn't ready to believe what anyone--- any MAN said. If she was so charming, whythe hell couldn't she keep a man interested in her for more than five minutes?"It's irrational---but it's true. I know you spent all your time with me---but I saw the wayother men looked at you---I began to think---I couldn't compete---and I began to wonder if youmight---"She broke in, while she could still keep the tears at bay. "Why did you come here tonight?""To apologize," Harry reiterated. "I've wanted to for days, weeks---I didn't think you'd listen.I didn't know how to begin to explain---to make you see---I know I hurt you---"She crossed to the table, picked up another pile of clothing and tossed it onto the bed. Shecame back into the living area and walked to her desk, eyes downcast. "Okay. Harry. I forgiveyou. Now, go away." She held her breath while she waited to see if he would take her at herword. She meant every word of it. She had to know now if he was playing games."Malista, let me finish," he said levelly.She was relieved he wasn't going to give up easily. Maybe that meant he was sincere. He reallydid care about her. She sank into the chair at her desk. She wasn't sure her shaky knees couldsupport her weight. He sounded so calm, so rational.He sounded funny. It almost sounded like Harry had unexpectedly developed a speech impediment.His words were the slightest bit slurred. Had he been drinking? To get the courage to comehere?She was appalled at the idea and almost looked at him, but she was too embarrassed. She wasafraid he'd look into her eyes and she'd agree to anything he said, if he'd only take her back.She couldn't do that. She'd grown too much as a person to be a doormat for anyone---even forsomeone she loved.Harry was still speaking. "Everyone on the ship treats me like I'm their littlebrother---everyone except you. I felt---insecure---because I couldn't believe you really couldbe interested in me---romantically. Other women pat me on the head and tell me I'm sweet---orcute. You were looking to me to be the leader---in our relationship---and I think the responsibility just kind of scared me. Sort of like getting cold feet? And then I couldn't talk to anyoneabout it. I was too shy to ask Tom---anyone about---" He stopped to swallow hard. When hecontinued, his voice had dropped almost to a whisper. "About sex. I know about Huldon III---andI---""You didn't want to soil yourself?" she supplied in a hard voice."No!" he protested. "Malista, I didn't want to traumatize you even more by fumbling--I mean, totell you the truth--the only person I've ever slept with was---" He clamped his lips together ashe remembered Tom's warning about bringing up the L word."Libby," she supplied sadly.He got to his feet slowly, his eyes studying her as she sat slumped in the chair."Malista, I've said goodbye to Libby. I don't mean to compare you---but she's the onlyexperience I've got to fall back on---I mean---I don't know what I mean.""Harry," she said, her eyes on her hands as she twisted her and untwisted her fingers. "Let metell you something. I should have told you before---before we ever---got involved. When I wasfourteen, my older brothers left home to join the Maquis. Two years later they were killed bythe Cardassians. That's when I joined the Maquis, along with two friends, Jano and Lanal. When Ileft, my father told me I was a fool. Our colony was in no immediate danger from theCardassians. I told him I wanted to help the Maquis in any way I could. On Huldon III, Jano andLanal were killed--- and Niko kept me alive---even when I didn't want to live."She stopped to take a sobbing breath. Her face was hidden by her hair as she bent her head."After the rape---when I was able to get out of bed---I called home---to talk to my father---""Malista," Harry interrupted, his heart was aching at seeing her pain. He hovered behind herchair, his hand outstretched toward her shoulder---then he let it drop to his side, afraid shewould shrug it away---or recoil in distaste from his touch."Let me finish! I asked my father if I could come home. He wanted to know why---and when I toldhim---he said---" A sob escaped her. "He said I had no home there any more. I had made mybed---and I could lie in it with the Maquis scum I had chosen over my own family." She coughedto clear her throat."Then---Niko died. And Tom convinced me that I could start a new life here on Voyager---withthe crew as my family---Harry, I've lost too many people. I can't play games with relationships.I don't think I could take another loss. It almost killed me to lose you once---I couldn't do itagain. So, please, if you aren't sure---don't---just don't---" Her voice failed her. Shestretched her arm out on the desk and lay her head down atop her forearm.When Harry could trust himself to speak, he blurted, "I am sure. I'm sure I want to try again,Malista. I'm sorry I hurt you---and myself by walking away. I won't do that again. I want arelationship with you---if you'll give me another chance. I think I'm falling in love withyou!" For a long moment, she didn't move or speak. Maybe she didn't feel the same way. Maybehe'd really blown it---forever.She sighed as she straightened in the chair, struggling to regain her composure. She didn't knowwhat to say. What if he hadn't heard the rumor? And he found out after they made up? What if hefound about George? If he was jealous before, without reason---how much worse would it be if hethought he did have a reason. He'd think she lied---She couldn't go through the process of losing him again. She hadn't recovered from the grief oflosing him the first time. But he sounded sincere. "Why tonight, Harry? Why did you choosetonight of all nights to come apologize?"Silence.She waited.He cleared his throat. "I talked to B'Elanna tonight and she helped me think a little moreclearly about what I wanted. And how stupid I was not to talk to you about the way I felt---thethings that were worrying me. Then when I was on my way here to talk to you, I---ran into GeorgeNatwick."Malista felt the blood freezing in her veins. She covered her face with both hands, mumbling,"Oh, Merde! He told you! I can't believe he *told* you!" Her humiliation was now complete."He didn't tell me anything, Malista," Harry corrected, upset that he'd managed to distress herfurther. "He just said for me to come and apologize to you---tonight---before you did some otherstupid thing to make me happy. When he said you were trying to make me happy, I thoughtmaybe---there was a chance---that you still cared! What stupid thing did you do, Malista? Whatwas he talking about?""STUPID!" she shrieked, leaping to her feet. "He said it was stupid! That overgrown,muscle-bou---" Her diatribe stopped in mid-syllable as she whirled to confront Harry and got agood look at him for the first time. Her eyes dilated their full width."*Harry*!" she exclaimed, horrified. "What happened to your face?"Harry was frozen in place by surprise, hope, and happiness at her reaction. She did still careabout him. He hadn't killed all her feelings for him with his asinine insecurity.She rushed toward him, her hand outstretched to lightly touch his face, tipping it up towardsthe light so she could get a better look. The cut above his eye had bled continuously, leaving atrail down the length of his face and neck, soaking into the collar of his shirt. The right sideof his jaw was rapidly turning blue, as was his swollen lower lip. She winced sympathetically.No wonder his speech sounded slurred. "Harry," she whispered, "why aren't you in Sickbay?""It was more important that I come talk to you," he said gently. Taking advantage of hernearness, he slipped his arm around her waist and tried to pull her closer. "What happened toyour lip?" He frowned as he noted her lower lip was puffy and had been bleeding."I bit my lip. It doesn't matter." She caressed the uninjured side of his face. "Oh, your poorface! My poor Dark Angel! Darling, does it hurt very much?" She stiffened with outrage. "Who*did* this? Did Tom---"Harry, who'd been enjoying her commiseration and touch, had hoped they could spend a little moretime talking and making up while she tended his wounds ---before it occurred to her to ask who'dinflicted them---and why. "No! Of course it wasn't Tom!"Her hands tightened on his shoulders. "Then who?" Her eyes narrowed to slits. "George? GeorgeNatwick did this?" She didn't wait for Kim's nod of confirmation before she whirled out of hisarms. "He tells you I'M doing STUPID things---and then he HITS YOU! I am going to beat that mansenseless and drag him down to the brig by his heels!" She looked ferocious, like a Valkyrie inone of his medieval literature holoprograms. He was glad she was on his side.A smile tugged at his lips and he groaned at the pull of the sore spot.She was at his side again instantly, all her concern for him. "Harry, you need to go toSickbay." She cupped his chin in her palm."Malista," he said. She looked into his dark eyes. This time he let his eyes do the smiling andkept his mouth still. "You don't have to get George. Tom already did. Simms and Hudson tookNatwick to the brig. Before I came here.""Good. Then there's no reason we can't go to Sickbay right now!" she insisted, tugging at him toget him moving."I don't think I have the strength to walk that far," he said plaintively.Her stricken green eyes flew to his."Unless you give me a kiss first," he finished."Since we both have sore lips---" She gave him a warning smile, but dipped her head to carefullybrush her lips against the left side of his mouth. "That's about as good as we can do rightnow," she sighed. "Until we get you taken care of in Sickbay.""Sickbay, Sickbay. I never knew you were such a nag," he protested jokingly, as she linked theirarms and escorted him out to the corridor. "But I think I like it.""There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Harry. And vice versa. Promise me onething?" she asked seriously. He nodded carefully. "No more games. You can talk to me aboutanything---no matter how---embarrassing. And I'll talk to you. Any time. Because I think I'mfalling in love with you, too."He began walking twice as fast. "Come on. Let's get to Sickbay. I want to have my lip and yourstaken care of, so I can kiss you properly!"She laughed and matched his pace.***************Sickbay was rather crowded when they arrived. The doctor was attending to Freddie Bristow, whowas lying on the biobed in the surgical bay. Lieutenants Tuvok, Torres, and Paris were standingnear the doctor's office dispassionately and unsympathetically observing Freddie's moans,groans, and flinches as he submitted to treatment.Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were near the Sickbay entrance speaking in quiet tones toKes who seemed to be giving them a report. Near the wall, Ensigns Hudson and Simms, lookingsuitably menacing, were guarding their new prisoner.Harry and Malista entered, looked around, and found an empty biobed to sit on as they waited forthe doctor to be free."I feel really dumb, Mik," Ethan Simms complained under his breath. He shot a sidewise glance atthe prisoner and shook his head. "I feel like a---hulking brute." Since he was only of averagesize, it was not a feeling to which he was accustomed.Mikel rolled his eyes and looked at his partner, over their prisoner's head. "It's the job,Ethe. You arrest the guilty party---whether you feel dumb or not."Their petite prisoner craned her neck and gazed from one to the other with defiant brown eyes."Oh, both of you be quiet! If Security would keep that menace, Bristow, from pestering everyonewith his hormone overload, this would never have happened!"Ethan flinched from the scathing tone he'd never expected to hear from Diane Russell, the ship'slibrarian. She was usually the shyest, quietest---well, not any more!Crewman Dalby charged into Sickbay and came right to their prisoner. "Diane! Are you all right?""I told you I could take care of myself, Aron," she sniffed indignantly. "Why do you think Itook that self-defense course?"Dalby beamed at her proudly. "Did you break his jaw?""No, fortunately, she did not," Commander Chakotay replied. He'd finished his conference withthe captain, spoken to the doctor, and was now ready to deal with the---criminal in this case.He had to work hard to keep a straight face. It made him look sterner than usual. "Mr. Bristowis not seriously injured. His nose is broken and he's suffering from---multiple contusionsto---various parts of his body." He cleared his throat. He didn't choose to be more specific. Itwould have made it harder to keep from laughing."Does she have to go to the brig?" Dalby asked anxiously.Diane didn't seem overly concerned by the prospect. She was still seething with anger at FreddieBristow's refusal to believe that 'No' meant 'NO!'---not 'maybe'. She was none too happy withthe security team who'd placed her under arrest either. She glowered at her guards as if temptedto demonstrate her self-defense expertise on them as well.While Russell hadn't exactly resisted arrest, she'd come close to it. Simms and Hudson had beengrateful for the presence of Lieutenants Paris and Torres, who'd persuaded her it would onlypostpone the inevitable if she didn't accompany the Security team--- peacefully. Hudson andSimms again exchanged nervous looks over her head. It would have been difficult for them to findthe will to defend themselves if attacked---by this small woman. Not to mention that no matterwhat the outcome they would have felt humiliated.Chakotay bit the inside of his cheek to stifle a chuckle. Ethan and Mikel were extremely easy toread. "Actually, I think we've come to an agreement---if you don't press charges for sexualharassment, Mr. Bristow will not press charges against you for assault."Dalby started to roar a protest, but halted without a word when Diane held up her dainty hand.She frowned sternly up at the first officer with her 'librarian look'---the one that made peoplelower their voices automatically when they entered her milieu. "Will that include a promise thatMr. Bristow will leave me alone in the future?"Chakotay nodded. "Of course." He whispered conspiratorially, " I think, Diane, that when youthrew him against the wall, it may have knocked some sense into him. If that didn't do it, thekick to the---ribs---when he was on the floor finally convinced him. I think he's absolutelysure this time that you honestly aren't interested in him romantically.""Then I'm dismissed?" she asked snippily.The commander nodded. Mikel and Ethan tensed as she glowered at them once more before flouncingout of Sickbay with a beaming Dalby on her heels.Mikel shuddered and shook his head. "Aron Dalby must have it bad!"Ethan nodded sagely. "I can't believe Aron Dalby---and Diane Russell."Chakotay grinned at Simms. "And how is Janine Lamont doing this days, Ethan?"Simms blushed furiously. "Aw, c'mon!"The first officer took pity on him. "You two are dismissed."Hudson and Simms left to go back to the Security section---until they received another call. Oruntil their shift ended. Whichever came first. Usually the graveyard duty shift was muchquieter. Maybe there was a full moon---somewhere.Captain Janeway was inspecting Harry's bruises. Chakotay went to join her. He noticed thatMalista Shadow was sitting next to the ensign on the biobed, her arms wrapped around himprotectively. Harry was holding onto her for dear life, looking more alive and alert than hehad in weeks---in spite of his injuries.Paris and Torres drifted over to the impromptu meeting as well. "Well, Harry? Well, Sis?""We're officially back together again," Harry announced, looking to her for affirmation. Shesmiled bashfully and ducked her hot face into his neck. His shysweetheart would never feel comfortable with being the center of attention. That was all rightwith him. He didn't like it much himself. "And this time," he added, "we're staying together!"His arm tightened around her. She squeezed him tightly in silent agreement."That's wonderful, Mr. Kim," Janeway said with a cool, tight smile. "Now can we discuss how youcome to be in Sickbay?""Mr. Natwick is in the brig for inflicting Mr. Kim's injuries, Captain," Lieutenant Tuvokreported. "Ensigns Simms and Hudson are awaiting statements from Ensign Kim and LieutenantsParis and Torres in order to complete the incident report."Harry Kim and Tom Paris exchanged speaking looks. "Uh, well---." Harry began."Leave him in the brig to rot," Malista growled under her breath, tenderly stroking Harry'sthroat with one hand."It wouldn't hurt him a bit," Torres agreed mercilessly. If Natwick had hurt Tom, she would havebeen the first to vote to eject the man out an airlock.Janeway raised an eyebrow at Chakotay.He shrugged. He didn't know how George Natwick hadn't gotten involved in this affair either. Orwhy Malista and B'Elanna would feel such antagonism for him.Paris tried to mollify Torres, drawing her aside and leaving Kim to deal with Shadow. "Comeon, B'Ella! George isn't such a bad guy! He didn't hurt Harry much---" He could tell that lineof reasoning wasn't going over well so he abandoned it in less than a heartbeat. "B'Ella, if hehadn't---made a fool of himself--- those two might have dragged their heels for weeks beforethey kissed and made up!"That was a telling argument. Paris had no grudge against Natwick. He'd actually done them all afavor by facilitating Kim and Shadow's reconciliation. Besides, who wanted to waste time in theSecurity Office filling out reports?"I was getting awfully tired of talking to everyone about their problems," she admitted, forTom's ears alone. She grimaced. "Oh, who cares about George Natwick? He can live for all Icare," she said generously.Harry had come to the same conclusion as Paris. If George hadn't hit him and aroused Malista'ssympathy for Harry's injuries---it might have taken hours to get to the kissing and making uppart. With a little persuasion and, to be honest, the shameless use of his bruises to garnersympathy, Kim brought Malista around to the same viewpoint.His most telling argument was that George had wanted Malista---and didn't get her. Kim told herthat was punishment enough---for any man. That singular piece of romantic nonsense was enough tomelt her opposition to setting the ensign free. She told Harry she would leave it up to him.She'd think of another way to get even with Natwick---herself. George had not only rejectedher---never mind, that she was glad he had---but he had *hit* Harry! Her friend, Jenny Delaney,would help her think of something appropriate. Harry just didn't understand. Revenge was a moralimperative. Especially for a Greek.Cheerfully unaware of the plots hatching in his quiet beloved's head, Kim turned back to hissenior officers. "What happens to Natwick if I don't press charges?""Mr. Natwick will be released," Tuvok stated. "However, there is still the matter of Mr. Paris'assault on Mr. Natwick."B'Elanna thrust herself in front of Tom, ready to protest but was stayed by Captain Janeway'suplifted palm. "I think that since Mr. Paris was trying to restrain Mr. Natwick from assaultingMr. Kim, his actions were justified. Has Mr. Natwick expressed any interest in filingcounter-charges against Mr. Paris?""No, Captain," Tuvok replied. "His only apparent interest is in persuading Mr. Paris to instructhim in the use of the grappling hold used to subdue him.""You have to admire a man who's single-minded about improving his work," Chakotay said, tonguefirmly in cheek.Harry and Tom grinned. Kathryn, Malista, and B'Elanna frowned at him.Chakotay waved his hand. "It's a guy thing."The doctor's astringent tones floated from behind the group. "If you people could relocate thisconference to another room, I would be able to treat my patients promptly."Janeway smiled at the fussy hologram indulgently. "Of course, Doctor. Feel better, Harry." Shedeparted with Chakotay and Tuvok to have a little talk with Ensign Natwick before he wasreleased from the brig.The doctor ran a scanner over Harry's injuries. "Crewman Shadow, you are in my light. Could youplease get off the biobed?""No," she refused flatly. She leaned in closer to Harry Kim, carefully moving out of thedoctor's light as she kissed Harry's throat.The doctor eyed her appraisingly. "Very well, if you insist on taking Mr. Kim's pulse with yourlips, at least sit still so I can work around you," he ordered.He was surprised when she grinned at him impudently. "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.""She's a patient too, Doc. She bit her lip," Kim said, hoping to appease the doctor."She bit her *own* lip?" The doctor eyed him skeptically.Harry Kim reddened in embarrassment at the implied criticism. "Yes. She did."Malista giggled. The doctor nodded, but refrained from further comment to Harry's relief.A few feet away, Tom and B'Elanna watched in amusement as the Doctor worked around Harry andMalista who were as close to each other as if they were Siamese twins."I'm glad they made up," B'Elanna commented. "I hope he doesn't hear about those rumors---""Oh, he heard about them, before we did," Paris mentioned casually."What? How do you know?""Ethan Simms told me. While you were talking to Diane. He said he and Mik heard the rumor twodays ago---when someone was telling it to Harry in the messhall.""And Harry didn't believe it?""Of course not," Paris scoffed, as he'd never been concerned about the possibility. "He saidthey were all nuts. As a matter of fact, Harry is the one who made the safety net in theholodeck fifty percent larger. He found out about the circus program---because he snooped. Ourtroubles are over---I'd take bets that some day Harry will be my brother-in-law---sort of."B'Elanna smiled at him suggestively. "Just one more thing---""What?""You want to show me that move you made? The one that let you pin George Natwick---though he'sgot at least thirty-five pounds of solid muscle on you?" She smiled up at him proudly.He pretended to think it over. "Naw. I don't think so.""Why not?" she said indignantly.He gazed down at her thoughtfully. "I wouldn't want to give away my secret. I never know when Imight need it.""Uh-huh. And another question? Where did you learn that?""You'd be surprised the things you learn in prison, B'Elanna." His blue eyes were teasing her.She let that one go. "Why did you push me behind you when you went after Natwick? Trying toprotect me?" It didn't sound like the idea pleased her much, but then sometimes it was hard totell with B'Elanna Torres."I didn't want you to get hurt," he said simply. He wasn't going to make any promises not to doit again if the situation arose. He didn't like to make promises he had no intention of keeping.She brought her chin up. "I don't think you should worry about protecting me. I'm half Klingon,Paris. I'm stronger than you.""Tough. I'll worry about you if I want to. You may be half Klingon, but I'm bigger than you. Idon't know whether you're stronger than me or not," he noted objectively. "I don't really thinkwe need to test that theory.""Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you?" she mocked.He straightened, folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes at her. His posture andevery gesture shrieked defiance and self-confidence. "I don't think so," he said, enunciatingeach syllable distinctly.A brilliant smile burst free, illuminating her whole being. She'd found the right man! Hewasn't merely intrigued by her Klingon side, and he wasn't intimidated by it either. Whether herealized it or not, Tom Paris had just told her plainly that he trusted her--- trusted her notto hurt him. She'd been looking for him her whole life!Exuberantly, she threw herself at him. He wasn't sure what he'd said right--- but he wrapped hisarms around her, lifted her off her feet, and brought her up to his level, holding her againsthim in a bear hug as he kissed her. Her feet dangled six inches above the floor."Excuse me!" the doctor's voice said loudly.Paris and Torres, breathing hard, turned dazzled eyes toward him.The doctor gestured from them to Harry and Malista who'd been testing how well their lips hadbeen healed. "You are all dismissed!" he said plaintively. "This is a Sickbay, not the Tunnelof Love!""Sorry, Doc," Paris said sheepishly. He set B'Elanna on her feet, took her hand and sprinted forthe exit, both of them laughing all the way down the corridor as they argued about theirdestination.Harry and Malista slipped off the biobed, both of them blushing furiously. "Sorry, Doctor.We---uh---"The hologram waved an impatient, dismissive hand.They strolled out of Sickbay, arms around each other. "What was that you called me? Earlier? Inyour cabin.""Dark Angel," she murmured. "That's---it's always been my nickname for you. If you don't likeit, I won't---""Angel? Me? I look angelic?" Harry's face beamed. Angelic was so much more flattering than'cute'."To me you do. Angelic and---sexy at the same time. What about me? Do you have a pet name forme?" Malista teased."Hmmm. Let me think." Harry slipped one hand down her smooth thigh. "How about Silky?""Uh-uh," she rejected. She grasped his hand and put it back on her waist.He slid his hand down to cup her bottom. "How about Sugar Buns?"She slapped his hand away, trying to keep from laughing. "No!"He draped his hand over her shoulder and started inching it down. "Or Peaches?" He felt joybubbling up in him like a fountain.She snatched his hand and replaced it on her waist, this time holding it in place with her own."I'm sure you'll think of something," she said. "Gawaine.""Gawaine? Is that another one? Who's Gawaine?"She just smiled. "Where are we going?""How about the holodeck? You can start teaching me to be your catcher.""How do you know---"Harry pretended to be shocked. "I'm the Operations Officer. I know everything. Now, you've gotto teach me how to fly---anything Tom can do---I can do better." She grinned at him. "AndMalista, who's Gawaine? The name sounds familiar---"The ship gossips blamed George Natwick for upsetting the betting pool by intervening as amatchmaker. The odds of Shadow and Kim getting back together had settled at six to one. The onlytwo gamblers who won a great number of replicator rations by betting on a reconciliation---wereEthan Simms and Mikel Hudson who were accused of having inside information. The two of themjust smiled---and weren't seen in the messhall for three straight weeks.End of Trials Three: Torres' TrialsTerriTrek@aol.comFeedback is important!!