The Cow By Amy Bower and Seana Frint rewob@adiis.net Summary: Q visits Janeway and company bringing them an unusual gift. Rating: G Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters, but we own the story. Amy's notes: This was written in our own little version of a round robin – we took turns writing every couple of sentences. It was fun though it took a while since we did it mostly by snail mail and one short visit. This is very much a fluff piece with no substance and very little, if any, literary style. My thanks to Seana as usual, couldn't ask for a better sister… most of the time! Seana's notes: This story is what happens when we get together for more than 30 seconds. Between bouts of hysterical laughter, we manage to get in a word or two: "Snookums," "Janeway's reaction?" (see Mind Games, also posted at this site) No one else can follow us – or they choose not to – but once we calm down, a story follows. Don't get us started on Q, tribbles, or a cow on the bridge – just wait for the stories! They're definitely not canon, but they're fun! May TPTB forgive us! Captain Kathryn Janeway surveyed the cow. Her first thought was to wonder why there was a cow on the bridge of her ship. Her second thought involved a letter of the alphabet. “Q!” Her voice held such venom that Tom Paris turned around in surprise, just in time to have a tail swished in his face. Contentedly, the cow continued to chew its cud. It didn’t seem to notice that it was not in its natural habitat. Commander Chakotay tried not to laugh at the pilot as he called for Red Alert. He confidently stepped forward and looked down as his foot slipped. This time it was Tom’s turn to control his laughter at the sight of his commanding officer’s left foot securely lodged in a rather large, and extremely fresh, cow pie. Janeway gave in to her laughter. The looks on the faces of her bridge crew were too good to pass up. Patting Chakotay's arm, she turned to Harry. "Mr. Kim, beam this," she chuckled. "animal to Cargo Bay 2." "Aye, Captain." Harry struggled to regain composure befitting a bridge officer, and failed. The transport also failed. "Mr. Kim?" The Captain questioned. Harry's fingers danced over his panel. "I don't know, Captain. My controls say that everything is working normally." His amusement vanished as he concentrated on the problem at hand. Suddenly, from out of thin air a guitar was heard. Everyone looked around in confusion. Ensigns shuffled their feet nervously. Tom swiveled his seat to face the Engineering station, "Hey, B'Elanna, wanna dance?" Before B'Elanna could respond, Janeway did…with The Look. Tom obligingly withered and turned back to the helm. Meanwhile, a voice joined the guitar – "Head 'em up. Move 'em out. Rawhide…" "Not a bad idea." Mused Janeway. "Does anyone on this bridge have a farm background?" Nervously, two crewmen stepped forward. "Good, I'd like you to take this cow down to Cargo Bay 2." Ayala nodded at Larson and moved toward the cow. Ayala grabbed the tail as Larson took an ear, and they managed to move the cow to the turbolift doors. There was a problem. The cow wouldn't fit. They stared at the cow mutely. "Suggestions, anyone?" She sniffed the air. She was suddenly tempted to retire to her ready room. Captain's prerogative and all. Paris decided to risk a second showing of The Look. "We could phaser it. I've always wanted to try a 20th century Earth food known as a cheeseburger." Janeway shot him The Look to end all Looks. Paris merely smirked in return. He knew the Captain wasn't in her best mood whenever Q was around. And he was most definitely still around as the strains of "Rawhide" still echoing about the bridge testified. Enough was enough. Janeway felt foolish, but she spoke to the air, anyway. "Q! Isn't it time to end this nonsense?!" The bridge crew waited tensely for something to happen. The ensuing silence was interrupted only by the cow mooing. It was a sound unlike any other heard on a Federation Starship. The next sound was not. "My dear, Kathy," Q drawled with a southern twang. "I was merely attempting to…" Chakotay stepped forward. "Q…" "…provide a little entertainment for Voyager's stalwart crew." He continued in a stage whisper meant to be heard by all. "Kathy…I had no idea that Chuckles could be so protective. I'm jealous, you know." Chakotay rolled his eyes, Janeway glared at the floor, and Q materialized in front of the viewscreen. Instead of his usual Starfleet uniform, he was in a pair of overalls and chewing on a piece of straw. "You know, I think your crew could use a change in uniform." He snapped his fingers. In a flash of blinding light, the crew found themselves dressed in like fashion. Everyone looked around in stunned silence. Eventually, everyone's gaze came to rest on one individual. Tuvok stood in his usual place, back ramrod straight. He wore heavy work boots, a plaid, flannel shirt and a straw hat. His denim overalls were patched, and he held a pitchfork in one hand. Tom opened his mouth, but Janeway leveled a finger at him, "Don't say it, Mr. Paris." He shut his mouth, disappointment etched on his face. "Q!" B'Elanna stood, furious. "Take these clothes back now!" Suddenly realizing how that sounded, she turned in Tom's direction. Noticing that his mouth was in the process of opening again, she snapped. "Not a word, Helm Boy!" Briefly, Tom considered a word or two anyway. Another look from B'Elanna changed his mind. Q sighed dramatically. "Since it appears I'm not appreciated here, I believe I'll pay a visit to Jean-Luc." As he and the cow disappeared in a flash of light, Voyager's crew heard one last query, "I wonder how he'll react to a cow on his bridge?" Epilogue: Captain Picard surveyed the cow. His first thought was to wonder why there was a cow on the bridge of his ship. His second thought involved a letter of the alphabet… Finis! So, what did you think? Let us know by emailing at rewob@adiis.net Think we're crazy and should be locked away for our own safety? Let us know that, too. We appreciate your comments, I think!