SILENT EMOTIONS SUMMARY: Torres and Harry become engaged which leaves Tom feeling a terrible sense of loss and despair. After an unfortunate 'accident.' Torres feelings for the pilot change dramatically. In the meantime, Harry finds a soul mate in Betazoid Alera Lerise. Rated R for violence, sexual situations, and mature themes. ASSUMPTIONS: Story takes place approximately four years after Voyager's entry into the Delta Quadrant and assumes Tom wasn't able to significantly demonstrate his interest for B'Elanna before. Also we assume that Seven of Nine hasn't showed up yet, and to be honest probably won't, and that Kes is still on Voyager. DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Voyager and its characters. We've only borrowed the characters to satisfy our own creative urges. Alera Lerise and a few assorted other minor characters though are ours and ours alone (that is unless someone else wants to borrow them and give us credit). Archiving is okay, just e-mail us. Please keep disclaimer and our names attached. RECOGNITION OF APPRECIATION: A very special thanks goes out to our beta reader Donna Thelen for not only beta reading our text but for providing input, encouragement, and allowing us to use her chat room while writing this story. SILENT EMOTIONS Rated R 7/98 (P/T, K/f) by: Marlena (blacjac@juno.com) PJ in NH (kelhapam@lr.net) Chapter 1 "As it comes with one of the privileges of being the Captain, I am proud to offer the first toast," Janeway said with a smile on her face as she held a fluted glass of champagne up towards the couple. "Congratulations B'Elanna and Harry on your engagement," murmurs of concurrence could be heard around the room. "May your pending marriage be happy, fulfilling, and...productive?" she concluded with an un-captain-like giggle as many of the guests joined her in laughter including the future bride and groom as they all raised their glasses to the couple. before all the guests sipped the champagne. Everyone seemed to be enjoying celebrating the impending marriage, smiles were worn on every face, every face save for Voyager's Chief Pilot who lingered toward the back of the room with a still untouched glass of champagne in his hand. He had been thankful that the Captain insisted on making the toast. He doubted even if he wore his best mask that he could have pulled it off successfully, for there before him the only woman he had ever truly loved and his best friend had just announced their engagement. He couldn't figure out how he hadn't noticed how serious the relationship between the two of them had become. It had always seemed to him that they acted more like friends around each rather than lovers. Several people had talked to him and commented on how happy the pair seemed to be and how beautiful B'Elanna looked, not noticing how quiet the normally gregarious pilot was. Tom had to agree with them, as he looked at the couple, they seemed happy and B'Elanna certainly was beautiful. He always knew she was beautiful but she was absolutely ravishing when she allowed her Klingon half to express itself, which looking at her now, seemed to be completely hidden. It was if someone were calling her name though no one spoke, but as B'Elanna lifted her head towards the imagined voice her dark eyes encountered the penetrating blue eyes of Tom Paris. Seeing B'Elanna look at him he raised his own glass in acknowledgment and tried unsuccessfully to put a grin on his face. She returned the gesture by saluting him with her glass. Tom thought to himself. B'Elanna turned her head toward Harry's to show him that Tom had finally shown up to attend the celebration. Harry bestowed a chaste kiss on her cheek. As they both turned back to where the pilot had been standing, they found that space was now empty -- empty that is except for one untouched, unnoticed glass of champagne that had been left on a nearby table. "You're relieved Carmichael," Paris said as he approached the helm. "Sir?" the young pilot asked surprised to see the Lieutenant return to the helm during the middle of the engagement party. "Don't you want to attend the party, Mick?" Tom asked trying to keep the pain he felt hidden. "Of course, but . . ." "But nothing, you've been working very hard lately and you deserve to have some fun. Now go!" Paris ordered with a pasted-on smile. "You're sure sir? I would have thought that you would want to stay, after all Ensign Kim and Lt. Torres are friends of yours. I don't really don't mind staying at the helm." "You got me Mick, so I'll tell you the truth," he said as he lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and dropped his head down next to the junior pilot's ear. "I noticed that Nanine Harris was at the party all by herself. Seemed to me that she could use a little company and you know me, I'm not one to stand in the way of romance ." "Na . . Nanine?" Carmichael stuttered. he wondered. "You're not going to tell me that you're not interested in her are you?" "No, sir," Mick confessed as he willingly relinquished the helm to Paris. "Then have a good time, and if anyone wants to know why your not on duty, just tell them that the controls were giving you a little bit of trouble and I relieved you." "Yes, sir!" The young pilot hurried for the turbolift as Tom reviewed the current status of the helm with a grim expression on his face. he mused. Fortunately where he sat up in the front of the bridge, no one could see the sorrow and regret etched on his face. Ensign Alera Lerise watched the couple stare at the untouched champagne glass. She could sense their dismay at the owner of the glass leaving. She was half-Betazoid, so sensing someone's emotions came easy to her. What was not easy was talking to those people whose feelings she could sense. Lerise ran a hand through he dark blonde hair as she remembered the emotions she received from the young man that had quickly left a moment ago. She had never felt such powerful emotions from anyone before. It had touched her so deeply, she almost cried when she felt them. She wanted so much to reach out to him, but her shyness prevented her from following him. She turned back to the couple, and walked closer to them. She could now hear their conversation. "Maybe he had something to do on the bridge, Harry," Torres suggested, "You know how he is when he knows that someone else is piloting the ship." Harry nodded, but he was still concerned about the untouched glass of champagne. B'Elanna though understood. She was the same way with her engines. Speaking of which,"Look, Harry," Torres began, "I hate to do this, but I have something in Engineering that I left Vorick to look at. I want to see if he made any progress." Kim nodded, and Torres left for Engineering. Kim continued to stare at the glass and wondered. Lerise felt Kim's worried emotions, and she decided to take action. She walked over to Kim and spoke in a voice she never knew she had. "Hello, Ensign Kim," she said, "I wanted to congratulate you." "Thanks, Ensign...?" "Lerise. Alera Lerise. I **usually the Gamma shift." Kim nodded, "Thanks, Ensign Lerise." Lerise could feel his sorrow, so she asked what was wrong. "Tom left so quickly. It's unlike him to leave a party this early," Kim answered as if he was remembering a dream, "He didn't even touch his champagne." Lerise looked at the glass, "I felt powerful emotions from him. He felt so lonely and isolated." Kim nodded, "Ever since the Captain had him pretend to be an insubordinate, the crew has had a hard time trying to trust him again. A lot have accepted him, but others, like Chakotay, still think he will revert again. It's like they're waiting for him to screw up again." Lerise stared at the doors to Sandrine's. She believed it was a lot more than just feeling people distrusted him. It was almost as if he had lost something that was very important to him. "Listen, Lerise," Kim interrupted her thoughts, "I have to get back to the Bridge. I'm sure Tom will be better tomorrow. I'll see you later." Lerise watched him as he wove his way through the crowd to the exit. She could still sense the confusion flowing off of Kim. She also felt his concern for his friend. "I hope Tom will feel better tomorrow," Lerise whispered to herself, "If not, I feel he may never be himself again." * * * * * * Paris sat on the floor of his cabin with a bottle of synthenol in one hand and his back to the wall gazing out the view port as a myriad of thoughts and emotions coursed their way through his brain. He thought about what had happened that evening when the engagement had been announced and how he felt, like a molten lump of lava rested in his stomach. Sometime after he returned to his cabin in the early hours of the morning, the molten lump had been replaced with a cold empty feeling -- a feeling of despair and loneliness. Normally the movement of the stars streaking by the ship was comforting to the pilot, but it brought no solace tonight. He hadn't realized until he had lost her to another man just how much he loved the half-Klingon, how much his hopes and aspirations had been centered on B'Elanna Torres and a hope of a future together. If only he had had the courage to voice his feelings to her maybe they would have had a chance. Some chance, he mused, how could someone whose Klingon half, which places such emphasis on honor, love and commit to a future to someone like him? * * * * * * * In the darkness of Kim's cabin, B'Elanna nestled her head against Harry's shoulder as he drifted off to sleep, his arm encircled around her waist. She wished she could drift off to sleep like he had after their lovemaking but she was still unfulfilled, she needed more. Normally after they had sex, Harry would roll over on his side and immediately go to sleep which afforded her the opportunity to slip out of bed, grab her gear and head to the gym. If only he had done that tonight, she thought, she really needed to work off some excess energy that their lovemaking hadn't provided. she chided herself. But no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it didn't matter, a part of her yearned for more, wanted to experience the Klingon blood fever that she had always heard about and had always written off as an exaggerated, boastful tale. Every time she and Harry made love she became ever more convinced that it was all a myth or something that only full- blooded Klingons experienced. After a long while her breathing slowed and became more shallow and she too drifted off to sleep. A sleep that was accompanied by dreams, dreams of the engagement party and the strange look on Tom Paris' face and the solitary glass of champagne. Chapter 2 Walking into the mess hall the next morning had been difficult, but Tom was determined to try his best, try to pretend that nothing had happened yesterday. "Hey, Tom," Harry said as he slapped him on the back. "Come and join me, B'Elanna's running late." "Ah . . . sure, just let me get something to eat," he said and joined him at a table towards the rear of the mess hall." "So did you have a good time last night?" Harry asked with a grin on his face reaching from ear to ear. "Yeah, great," Tom said trying to be cheerful, "Sorry, I had to go to the helm, but Carmichael needed some help." "No problem, I know you would have stayed around if you could." Tom proceeded to push the food around his plate, taking only tiny bites. Even a full stack of pancakes with real maple syrup wouldn't have tasted good this morning, he mused. "I can't wait for the wedding it's really going to be something, just wish my parents could be here," the ensign gushed. "Ah, huh. Sounds like you have it all figured out?" "Yep, B'Elanna going to be dressed in a white lace gown, we'll say my family's traditional vows, rice will be thrown, and before you know it we'll be husband and wife," Kim explained not noticing that Paris did not share his joy. "Dressed in white lace you say? What does B'Elanna say about that?" he asked not quite being able to picture the engineer dressed in such a manner. Harry's face dropped a notch. "What do you mean what does she say about it. White's traditional, all the brides in my family wear white." "But not for Klingon's, Harry, I believe they favor red leather, and their vows are quite moving from what I've been told." "Red leather?" Harry questioned. "Not for MY wedding." Tom raised his eyebrows "I thought is was yours AND B'Elanna's wedding?" "Oh it is, but red leather for a wedding? You've got to be kidding?" Harry asked incredulously. "But it's part of her heritage, Harry." "Yeah, but every time that heritage comes out she regrets it, look at Carey when she broke his nose and there have been other occasions," he said trying to defend his statement. "She regrets it? Or do you regret it Harry? Be honest with yourself. Don't forget she's half-Klingon and it's a very important part of B'Elanna. I've seen both halves -- each one is unique, and you're marrying all of B'Elanna not just the human half. I hope you can handle it." Tom said passionately and more forcefully than he normally would speak to his friend. "Don't you think I know all that Tom?" Harry said trying not to draw attention by raising his voice. "After all she's going to be my wife and I . . . I just know what's best for her." "What's best for her or for you?" Seeing how upset Harry was Tom decided he had said a lot more than he had intended. "Look, Harry, I'm sorry. It's really none of my business, I spoke without thinking. I didn't get much sleep last night. Please accept my apologies." Harry face broke into a slight forgiving grin. "That's okay Tom, I know you mean well and want both of us to be happy. It would be a lot easier to if Mom was here, she'd be able to help B'Elanna--show her how it's done." Hearing the last statement Tom had to fight not to roll his eyes in front of his friend. That'd be just what B'Elanna would need the future mother-in-law putting her two cents in. "What are you two talking about?" B'Elanna asked as she joined the pair carrying her own breakfast in her tray. "Umm, just the party, B'Elanna," Tom explained as he rose from his seat. "Look take my seat. I'm going to be late if I don't get going." he explained as he took his uneaten breakfast with him, threw in the disposal, and left the mess hall alone to go to the bridge. * * * * * * * Chakotay eyes widened with surprise when he saw Paris enter the bridge fifteen minutes before the shift change. Generally, the pilot would slip into seat mere seconds before it was necessary. Tardiness was one thing, along with Tom Paris himself, that really irked Chakotay, and the combination of tardiness AND Tom Paris was even worse. He had never been able to understand Tom's penchant for lateness. As much as the Lieutenant loved to fly, he would have thought Tom would have been champing at the bit to be at the controls as much as possible. But then again, Tom always knew how to pull his chain, so if he could get a rise out of the former Maquis captain all the better, Chakotay figured. So this sudden change of action intrigued him. As the Commander was still contemplating the early arrival of the pilot, the Captain entered the bridge from her ready room her hand gripping a steaming mug of coffee. "Another typical day in the Delta Quadrant, Commander?" she asked as she took a careful sip of the brew. "Well it depends what you're talking about Captain, the big Indian said, his voice lowered to a whisper so only she could hear. "Mr. Paris reported fifteen minutes early for his shift." Janeway's eyes widened over the top of the coffee mug before she swallowed and lowered it to speak. "That's interesting." "Do you have any idea why?" her first officer asked. "Nope, but if it gets to be a habit I'll look into it," she said as Chakotay shook his head. "What's the matter now?" "It's me. I'm worried about Paris when he finally reports early just like I'm been after him to do ever since our journey began. Maybe something is wrong with me?" Janeway just smiled and sipped her coffee. * * * * * * Two weeks later, Chakotay and the Captain were even more puzzled by Tom's behavior. Not only was he still reporting to work early but he had a habit of staying late and even volunteering for double shifts. The two senior officers both entered the bridge just before shift change from the ready room and noticed that as had been the norm during the last couple of weeks, Lt. Paris was already at his post. The Captain turned to whisper in her First Officer's ear. "Is it me, or does Tom look a little rough around the edges..like he hasn't had enough sleep?" "You know Kathryn, now that you mention it, he does. And that uniform looks a size or two too big for him, it appears that he is losing weight." "I think I had better have a talk with him before he becomes ill. I don't know why I hadn't noticed it earlier." "Good idea." Janeway approached the helm from behind and laid her hand, as was her custom, on the pilot's right shoulder. She had to concentrate on her task at hand not to flinch as her hand encountered not the usual muscles beneath the fabric, but bone and flesh. "Mr. Paris . . . ." she began but the words were cut short when the ship was hit with an explosion and the deck tilted beneath her feet sending her and the pilot tumbling to the floor. "Report!" she bellowed as she struggled to regain her position with Paris' help. "A ship has just dropped out of warp off our starboard bow," Tuvok stated. Tom Paris stumbled toward the helm as another blast rocked the ship. He finally pulled himself into the chair. "They're not answering our hails, Captain," Ensign Kim stated. "Keep hailing them!" Janeway shouted as another blast hit the ship. "No answer!" "Fire phasers!" Janeway shouted to Tuvok. "Firing phasers." Paris stared at the viewscreen as he tried to maneuver Voyager away from the blasts. He was running on instinct now as his fingers flew across the controls. He barely heard the shouting voices behind him. He was concentrating on saving the ship. He had to save B'Elanna and the others even if they no longer trusted him. He was jerked to the side as the ship was hit again. He was beginning to panic as he moved Voyager through space, avoiding most of the fire. "Our shields are down to sixty percent and holding," Tuvok reported, "Their shields are at forty percent." "Keep firing, Tuvok. Harry?" "They're still not answering our hailing, Captain. I'm also picking up another ship off our port." "Paris, evasive maneuvers!" Chakotay shouted. Tom said nothing, but he maneuvered the ship between the phaser fire of the enemy ships. He barely noticed the sweat rolling down his face and into his eyes. He flipped Voyager on its side as he passed between the two craft. Phaser fire connected with one of the ships, damaging it even more. Paris then righted the ship only to have it hit. He jerked forward, but continued to maneuver the ship. "Our shields are at fifty-five percent, Captain," Tuvok announced calmly, "The first ship's shields are at thirty percent and falling." "Keep firing, Tuvok. Paris, get us out of here, Now!" Paris blinked back the sweat as his fingers flew across the console. He shook his head, trying to concentrate on getting the ship to safety. He felt the ship tilt as it avoided another blast. He jerked to the side as the one of the enemy ships hit Voyager. "Paris, what are you doing!?" He barely heard Chakotay shout at him. Paris shook his head again and blinked his eyes. He was feeling light-headed for some reason. He looked at the viewscreen only to find it blurry. He blinked his eyes to try to focus, but it only became worse. He felt he ship being hit. He jerked forward, and he heard ringing in his ears. He looked at his console to find he couldn't read it. He mentally screamed as panic set in. He then felt himself fall into darkness. Chapter 3 "How is he Doctor?" the Captain asked as she approached the biobed where Lt. Paris was lying unconscious. "He could be better Captain. Perhaps you'd like to come into my office where we can sit down and discuss the situation," the EMH offered. "I wouldn't want anyone to come in the Sickbay and interrupt us." Janeway took the offered seat on the other side of the desk and the Doctor sat down in his own. "So what's this all about. Is he ill?" Janeway inquired obviously concerned. "No, it's no tan illness . From what tests I've run, it appears that Mr. Paris is suffering from significant weight loss and lack of proper sleep." By the look on the Captain's face, the EMH could see that she was worried. "Have you been able to determine the reason for his condition?" "While I can't be one hundred percent certain, I would have to say that all his symptoms point to depression." "Depression?" Janeway whispered the word as if it were too unlikely to be true and pivoted around in her chair so that she could see the pilot as he lay on the bed beyond the office before she turned her attention once again to the Doctor. "Depression? But he's always so jovial and friendly, always quick with a joke." "Has that been true lately, Captain?," the EMH countered. "Say for the last three weeks or so?" "Well . . ." she paused, "you know, come to think about it, it has been rather quiet on the Bridge lately and his behavior has been unusual." Try as she might, she could not recall the last time Tom had cracked a joke or even a smile and she chastised herself for not noticing it before. "You say THREE weeks?" "That's my best guess, but taking into account the amount of weight he has loss and other physiological conditions I'd say that is pretty accurate. Why?" "Nothing Doctor. Nothing I can say right now. First I'd like to speak with Mr. Paris. Will you inform me when he awakens?" she asked as she stood up to leave. "Of course, Captain," the Doctor replied as he stood as well, out of respect for the senior officer. "But it might be a while, I've given him something to facilitate his sleep process along with an intravenous feeding. I anticipate that he won't awaken until sometime tomorrow morning." "Very good. Just call me after he wakes." * * * * * * Kathryn Janeway woke the next morning after a fretful night of trying to sleep. Thoughts of the condition of her chief pilot had occupied her mind most of the night. She also wondered what she was going to say to him the next day. "Emergency Medical Hologram to the Captain." "Captain here, go ahead Doctor," she replied while still lying in bed. "Mr. Paris has awakened. I can have him ready to see you in say one hour?" "That'd be find Doctor, I'll be there. Captain out." * * * * * * When the Captain entered Sickbay she could see a still pale Tom Paris sitting up in bed toying with the food that had been placed in front of him. "Tom, you have to eat." Kes pleaded with him as she stood by the bed her arms folded across her chest. It was amazing how formidable the Ocampan could look when she stood like that. "I'm just not hungry, Kes. Look I did eat some." "Only about a third -- not enough to keep a bird alive let alone Voyager's chief pilot," she fretted. Tom then saw a flicker of movement and noticed that his expected visitor had arrived. "Look, Kes, I've got company why don't you set it aside and I'll try a little later. Okay?" he asked. Kes looked at him and then the Captain who was now standing beside her. "Okay Tom, I'll save it for you, but when you see it again you're going to eat every bite," the little blonde warned. "Aye, aye, ma'am," Tom replied throwing in a little grin and mock salute but the grin faded quickly when he noticed the determined look on the Captain's face. "Kes, if we could have some privacy." "Of course, Captain. If you need anything I'll be in the Doctor's office. Janeway pulled up a chair and sat down beside the bed. "Tom, I've never been one to beat around the bush. I'm worried about you. Please tell me what's been going on?" "I'm fine Cap . . ." "Come on Tom, don't lie to me," she warned but with a soothing voice. "Even Naomi Wildman could see that you weren't fine and she's just a toddler!" Tom drew in a deep breath. "Permission to speak off the record Captain," Tom asked as he looked past her unable to meet her gaze. "Permission granted," she said as she walk over closer to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "This is really none of your business, Captain. I'll be fine, I just need some time to sort things out." "This IS my business, Mister, especially when your condition may harm Voyager and the crew." Paris' eyes snapped up to meet hers, and he saw her familiar determined, no-nonsense stare that brought alien adversaries to their knees, but this time it was tempered with sympathy, and he swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Captain." "I'm sorry too Tom," she said softly as she brushed an errant strand of hair away from his forehead. "I should have noticed your condition sooner. Do you want to talk about it?" she said as she sat down on the chair beside the bed, though her hand never left his shoulder. It helped her to stay in contact with the young pilot. "It won't do any good. It can't be changed. I just have to learn to live with it," he tried to explain. "Live with what?" Her question was met with silence. "Tom, do you want to hear my explanation?" Still more silence. "I think since you knew that Harry and B'Elanna have been engaged you're feeling like a third wheel -- left out." "You don't know sh. . ." he mumbled, barely audibly, he was so tired he hardly cared if she heard him or not but apparently her hearing was much better than he had anticipated. "Then please tell me Tom!" she pleaded as she leaned further forward in her seat towards the patient. "Please tell me what's going on, I want to help!" "You can't help, she's . . . " he started to say before he clamped his mouth and eyes shut trying to hold back the tears that where threatening to spill. "What Tom? Tell me," the Captain requested knowing that unless she pushed the matter Tom would never tell. "I've lost her Captain," he choked. "Lost who? B'Elanna? Just because she's going to be married to Harry doesn't mean you can't still be friends." "I wanted to be . . . I love . . ." he tried to explain as the tears final broke through and trickled down his cheeks. The Captain gasped slightly. "You love B'Elanna? Is that what this is all about?" she asked as she reached for his hand and gripped it with her own trying to suppress her support. "I've loved her for a long time ever since we were held by the Vidiians and she was split in two. Since I knew that she was going to marry Harry, I feel like I'm lost and alone. She's the only woman I've ever truly loved." "I had no idea you felt this strongly about her--that you loved her like that. So then why didn't you tell her?" "I tried several times, I even developed a beautiful little holodeck program complete with a lush green forest and a blue pool with a waterfall so that I could tell her properly, but I just couldn't. All I could think of was how could she possibly love me, Captain?" "What do you mean, how could she love you?" she asked not completely understanding what he was trying to say. Did he actually believe that no one could love him? "It's the honor thing, ma'am. Klingons value honor above all else. You can't actually say that I've been honorable most of my life . . . " "I wouldn't call you dishonorable though and besides you have changed a great deal in the last couple of years. It'll take time Tom, but you'll get over this." Even as she spoke the last couple of sentences, the Captain could tell that they must have sounded very hollow to the pilot. "I don't know, Captain. What I feel for her is so intense, I can't imagine ever finding anyone who could ever take her place." "So maybe you should tell her." "That's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to come between them, they are both my friends and Harry will be a good husband and father. He has a lot more to offer her than I ever could." "I don't believe that for a second, Tom, but I do believe in fate. If it is fated for you and B'Elanna to be together then you will be. Maybe not now, but in the future. But for now you have to look after yourself. I need you at the helm and the ship needs you. Will you promise me that you'll take better care of yourself?" she asked. "I'll try Captain." he said though inside he wasn't sure how he could accomplish that, ever since Harry and B'Elanna had officially announced their engagement it was if a fire had been extinguished inside him leaving behind only a shell. A shell that could easily be cracked. Chapter 4 Tom Paris was released from Sickbay the next day. The Doctor warned him to get some sleep and to eat. Paris nodded and left for his quarters. He had no intention of going to the Mess Hall. He knew that B'Elanna and Harry would be there together. He did not want to be reminded of what he could not have. Paris entered his quarters, and sat down on his couch. He closed his eyes only to feel fresh tears flow down his face. He furiously wiped them away, but more came. "I should have told you, Lanna," Paris whispered, "Even if you didn't believe me or couldn't return my feelings, I should have told you that I love you." He put his head in his hands and cried. He felt even more alone than before. He even managed to nearly put the ship in danger. He couldn't do anything right. He should have known that he wasn't well enough to fly the ship, but he needed something to take his mind off B'Elanna. "Kim to Paris." "Paris here." "I was wondering if you wanted to play some pool?" Paris thought for a moment. B'Elanna would obviously be there, and he knew he couldn't handle seeing them together. "No, Harry. I'm going to get some sleep." "It's early, Tom." "I'm under orders from Doc to get some sleep," Paris tried to joke. It obviously worked, for he heard Kim snicker on the other side of the link. "All right, Tom, see you tomorrow. Kim out." The link was closed, and Paris leaned back in his couch. He closed his eyes, and dreamed of B'Elanna. * * * * * * * Paris woke to hearing his stomach growl. He opened his eyes to a dark room. His foggy brain cleared and he realized he had fallen asleep on his couch. "Computer, time." "The time is 0700." Paris sighed. He was due on the Bridge in forty minutes. His stomach growled again, and he slowly got up. He went over to the replicator, and ordered something to eat. His order appeared, and he sat down on his couch to eat. Forty minutes later, Paris stepped onto the Bridge. He nodded to Janeway, who gave him a small smile. He could see the concern in her eyes, and he gave her a smile to reassure her that he was fine. he thought as he sat down in his chair, Chakotay leaned over to Janeway and whispered, "He looks a little better today. I hope what you said to him helped." Janeway kept her eyes on Paris, "I hope so as well, Chakotay. The Doctor says he's suffering from depression." Chakotay's eyes widened, "Depression?" Janeway nodded and the First Officer pressed, "Do you know what caused it?" She nodded again, "It was in confidence what he told me. I don't think he wants people to know. It's bad enough that I know." "I hope he gets over it." "So do I," she whispered, but her gut feeling? told her that Tom wouldn't just get over it. * * * * * * * The Captain told Tom again to go eat. He obeyed reluctantly, heading again to his quarters. Harry called him to see if he wanted to eat lunch with him and B'Elanna, but again he declined the offer. He also refused to go to Sandrine's with them. The next day, during his lunch break, Tom's door chimed. "Enter," he said, expecting it to be Harry. "Paris, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Came a voice he didn't believe he would ever hear again. He looked up from his meal in surprise. B'Elanna was standing before him, her hands on her hips, and her dark eyes flashing. She looked like an angel to him, and he almost told her that, but his mouth wouldn't comply. "Nothing is wrong," Paris said instead, "I wanted to eat in my room." "Everyday?" Torres was shocked, "Tom, people are becoming worried. You don't eat in the Mess Hall, if at all, anymore. Harry is even starting to mope. Tell me what's wrong?" Paris smiled at the sight of Harry being depressed. He shook his head and said, "Tell him I'm fine. He can stop moping." Torres knew he was stalling. She snarled her question again, "Paris, what is wrong?" Paris glared at her, "Why do you care? You never gave a damn before!" Torres was shocked. Her hands dropped to her sides and her mouth hung open, "You're my friend, Tom, in case you forgot! I'm concerned about you. I want to know what's wrong." Paris nearly told her how he felt then, but his mouth took over again, "Nothing is wrong, B'Elanna. I....just want to be alone." He whispered his sentence, knowing it was a lie. He half hoped that Torres would pressure him some more. He wanted so bad to tell her the truth. "Tom, that is not at all like you," Torres said, feeling her temper rising, "Why are you staying away from everyone? Please tell me!" Paris stood up and went over to her. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her. He stared into her dark eyes. He saw a fire in them, a fire he hadn't seen in quite awhile. B'Elanna saw the pain in his blue eyes. She wanted to comfort him, but she knew she couldn't do that unless he told her what was wrong. She reached out with her right hand and touched his cheek. She saw his eyes close as she felt a spark flow through her body. She took her hand away, and he opened his eyes to stare at her. She stared back at him, concerned and confused. "I'm fine, Lanna," he whispered, straining to keep himself from doing what he wanted to do, "I'll see Harry later. I don't want him to worry about me." Torres glared at him. What was wrong with him? Why didn't he want to tell her? Did he not trust her? "Fine, Tom Paris," she snapped, "If that's what you want." She then stormed out of his quarters. Paris stared after her in shock. "That's not what I want," his mouth finally said, "I want you." Tom sank to the floor more distraught than before. * * * * * * * B'Elanna stalked towards Engineering, the little argument playing in her head. She had never been so stimulated before in her life. Not since she punched Carey in the nose or argued about it with Chakotay afterwards. She felt so alive and all she did was yell at Paris. she thought as she entered Engineering, These questions continued to ponder her mind as she went over to a console and started a diagnostic scan. She barely read the results as the argument replayed itself in her mind. she thought, As she took a PADD from Ensign Vorick, something caught her attention. A peculiar scent, a woodsy smell. She sniffed the air, but all she smelled was plasma coolant. That wasn't it. She shrugged and looked at the PADD. She brought it close to her, so she could read it in the dim light. The scent was stronger this time. She looked at her hands, strangely. she asked herself. She smelled her right one, and instantly felt stimulated again. She felt an intense arousal that she never felt before. She inhaled deeply several times but she couldn't get enough. Ultimately, she finally resorted to licking her fingers and her hand in an effort to absorb as much of the aroma as was possible. she thought Paris thought as his body shook with the sobs, Angry at himself, Paris pulled the belt taught. He felt the fabric of the belt as the grasped it in his hands, and he looked down. Through his blurred vision he saw an end to his torment. * * * * * * * Chakotay walked through the corridor on Deck Two. He was heading for Tom Paris' quarters. He knew the young pilot had been eating alone, and knew that Paris would not be in Sandrine's. He also knew that Paris wouldn't be asleep either; it was too early. He was aware that Paris wasn't sleeping much lately, yet it didn't effect his piloting. Still, it was cause to be concerned. Chakotay, though was more concerned about Captain Janeway. She would constantly stare at the Chief Pilot as he flew the ship expertly. He could see the concern and worry in her eyes. Chakotay had asked her twice about what Paris had told her that made her so concerned about him. Janeway always looked about to tell him, but said instead that what Paris told her was in confidence. he had thought before he left the Bridge earlier. Chakotay came to the door to Paris' quarters. He pressed the button, but received no answer. He pressed it again and still didn't receive a response. "Paris, I know you're in there!" Chakotay shouted, "Open the door!" Still no response. Chakotay thought, "Computer, location of Lt. Paris." "Lt. Paris is on Holodeck Two," the computer stated. "Well, at least he's out and about," Chakotay said as he headed for a turbolift. A few minutes later, Chakotay walked down the corridor to Holodeck Two. He was glad to find that the privacy lock wasn't engaged. He entered the holodeck and stopped short. Before him was the most shocking sight he had ever seen. Tom Paris, their Chief Pilot, had a blue noose around his neck, and he was standing on a chair. Chakotay took a step forward, and was about to say something when Paris saw him and gave him a sad smile just before he kicked the chair out from under himself. "TOM!" Chakotay shouted acting quickly to grab the pilot by the legs before the noose could break his neck. Holding on to the pilot with one arm, Chakotay slapped his commbadge with his free hand, "Chakotay to Sickbay! Medical Emergency! Two to beam in!" The First Officer felt the familiar sensation of the transporter as he and Paris were beamed away. * * * * * * * "He what?" Janeway asked her voice level dropped to the level of a whisper. "You heard me Kathryn," Chakotay replied through her commbadge. "He tried to hang himself in the holodeck. If I hadn't come looking for him when I did he would have died." "I'll be right there." A grim-faced Captain Kathryn Janeway entered Sickbay a short while later and saw upon entry and the Doctor was still working on his patient while her First Officer sat observing off to the side. Seeing the Captain, Chakotay rose from his seat and joined her. "I still can't get over it," she said. "He tried to hang himself?" "I know, I keep on thanking my Spirit Guides that I chose this moment to come talk to him and that I found him in time. From all indications, it wasn't a planned suicide." "How can you tell?" she asked as the EMH joined the pair. "Well he'd obviously been drinking and that combined with depression can cause a person to do things they wouldn't ordinarily do. He also used the belt of his robe as the noose. If he had planned it, he would have taken the time to replicate a rope or other type of device rather than the belt which would not have been easy to tie a noose in and wouldn't be that strong. In addition to that, he never left a suicide note." "So when did you become my Chief of Security?" she asked the dark-haired man her face reflecting a slight sad smile. "Sorry, it's just that we had a few of instances of attempted suicides and a couple actual suicides in the Maquis and I was involved with sorting it out afterwards," he explained. "I didn't know. So what do you recommend we do now?" she asked both men. "Well he can't very well spend all his time in Sickbay having the Doctor keep an eye on him, besides he hates this place. It would just intensify his anxiety," Chakotay said. "That's true," the Doctor concurred. "I've done all I can for him here, the rest is up to him. He has to decide that his life is worth living. I would suggest that he be allowed to go back to his quarters but that someone stay with him until he can sort out his feelings and can learn to deal with them." "I agree I don't want him to be alone and I don't want him to try this again. At times like this, I curse Starfleet for not assigning a ship's counselor to Voyager," she responded looking at the young lieutenant on the biobed and then back to her First Officer. "Unless it is absolutely necessary, I don't want anybody other than a select few to know what happened. I'll speak with Harry and see if he'll stay with him." "That's fine but he's going to need some help, he has his own duties to perform. I think we should ask B'Elanna if she'll assist him, after all she and Harry will keep it quiet and she helped me out with a similar situation once," Chakotay told her. "Fine then they can both help him out, maybe he'll respond better if B'Elanna is there as well," she said but thought about what the pilot had told her in confidence a few weeks ago. Maybe, she mused, with B'Elanna nearby he'll have the opportunity to open up to her and tell her how he feels and learn how to deal with it even if his feelings aren't reciprocated. Chapter 6 Tom Paris entered his quarters and immediately went to his couch. He sat down and put his head in his hands. The look of the shocked expressions on the Captain's, Commander's, and Doctor's faces came back to him. He heard himself sob, but he refused to cry. Luckily, they didn't ask him anything about what he had tried to do. As far as he knew, he was drunk and depressed. He really didn't remember much, except the pain of losing B'Elanna. he thought, Paris was jerked out of his misery but the door chime. It took the second chime for him to realize that someone wanted to see him. he thought as he asked for the person to enter. The door slid open, and he was surprised and pained to see Harry and B'Elanna enter his quarters. He stared at them, the anguish rising in him. He closed his eyes, hoping the two weren't really there. A small part of him, though was glad they were. Harry went over immediately to his friend and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Tom, we understand that you're not feeling well," Harry explained as he motioned to B'Elanna who paced just inside the door with her arms folded across her chest. She was obviously agitated and in fact appeared to be on the verge of either saying something on about to cry, but every time she paused in her pacing and opened her mouth she immediately shut it and started to pace again like a tiger caught in a cage. "Really, I'll be okay. You don't have to stay. In fact it doesn't even look like she wants to be here," he commented nodding towards B'Elanna. Harry left Tom's side and went over to his fianc and placed an arm around her shoulder which she brushed aside. "She's just worried about you. Isn't that true B'Elanna?" B'Elanna growled. "Tom Paris, what the hell were you thinking?! What came over you to try and take your own life?!" Paris stared at her. She was both angry and frightened by what he had done, he could see it. He looked at Kim, who was scared and concerned. "Nothing, Torres," Paris said, looking back at her, "I lost my mind. Care to tell me why you're here?" Torres fought down a snarl. Obviously, Paris had lost his mind. She was frightened by the lack of concern in his voice. "The Captain and Chakotay are extremely concerned by what you tried to do two days ago. They told us to watch you. They think you might try it again." Torres' voice grew softer as she spoke. She looked at him as she answered him. He had avoided her gaze and this concerned her. She went over to him, and sat down beside him. She placed her hand over his right and squeezed it. She was shocked by the pain in his blue eyes as her stared at her. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. Please, Tom," Torres begged, "tell us what's wrong." Paris stared into her dark eyes. He truly wanted to tell her, but he didn't want to disrupt his friends' happiness. He looked away and shook his head. Torres looked at Kim, who just shrugged. He was as confused as she was. She looked at Paris, who stared at his hands. "Damn it, Paris!" Torres shouted, shocking both Paris and Kim, "Why won't you talk to us!?" Paris stood up and headed for his bedroom. Before he entered it, he spun around and said, "Stop worrying about me. I'm not worth worrying over!" With that, he entered his bedroom and closed the door. Torres growled in frustration as she stared at the closed door. Kim stared at the door then back at Torres. He heard her growl, and he slowly backed away from her. "B'Elanna," he said slowly, "calm down. Yelling at him is not the way to handle it. I'm sure that Tom will tell us in his own time. He's in shock and he's hurting. Why, I don't know." Torres glared at him, causing him to back further away, into the wall. "It's been over a month, Harry!" she snarled, "It is more than enough time from him to tell us!" "He might need more time," Kim tried to reason, he hadn't seen this side of her in quite a while. "Be patient." Torres felt like hitting him, but she restrained herself. She growled her next words, "I'm losing patience, Harry. He will only get worse it he doesn't let us help him! I'm scared that he will succeed next time!" Before Kim could voice his agreement, the doors to the bedroom slid open. Paris walked into the room. He stared at both them calmly. "Keep it down," he said softly, "I'm trying to sleep." He was almost about to turn around when Torres' voice stopped him. He looked at her, the dark eyes pleading with him. He shook his head then said, "I'll see you tomorrow." Paris went back into his bedroom, the door sliding shut behind him. Torres felt a tear slowly slide down her cheek. She viciously brushed it away with her right hand. The scent reached her nose and she stopped. She closed her eyes as she breathed it in. It was a wonderful and intoxicating scent. She slowly sat down as she smelled the scent from her hand. she asked herself, These questions pondered her throughout the night. * * * * * * * The next day, Torres was the first to awaken. She was asleep on the couch, Kim nestled behind her. She was glad that he didn't have his arms around her, so she could get up without waking him. She looked up to see the closed door to Paris' bedroom. More determined to find out what was wrong with him, she quietly got to her feet, and padded toward the door. She was relieved and surprised that the door wasn't locked. The door slid open to reveal Paris asleep in his bed. Torres went over to the bed to see Paris sleeping quietly. She knelt by him, and stared at his sleeping face. She touched his cheek and felt another shock jolt through her. She jerked back and stared at her left hand, surprised. She then unconsciously brought her hand to her face. She smelled the strange scent that had plagued her for days. She smelled her other hand to find the same scent there. Curiously and cautiously, Torres bent forward and smelled Paris. She felt a tingle ripple through her as arousal flowed over her. she thought, She quickly shook her head, her dark tresses brushing against Paris' face. She backed away when she felt him stir. She looked at him and sat the confusion on his face. Then recognition dawned on him. "'Lanna," he whispered, "what are you doing here?" Torres smiled slightly, "I came in to check on you." Paris returned her smile then touched her face, "I'm sorry I scared you, B'Elanna. The truth is I was drunk, and didn't know what I was doing." Torres stroked his blonde hair, "Why were you trying to get drunk, Tom?" Paris turned over on his back, and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and sighed, "I didn't feel well, B'Elanna. I passed out on the Bridge during a battle. I was embarrassed and thought I let the Captain down again." Torres continued to stroke his hair. "You didn't let Janeway down, Tom. You were tired. We all knew you weren't feeling well lately. Sometimes you can be so stubborn." Paris smiled. At least they didn't think less of him because he passed out. "That's not all, though is it?" Torres asked, taking advantage of his mood to open up, "I want to help you, Tom, but you must talk to me." Paris looked at her, his blue eyes searching. All he found there was concern and fear for him, he knew. Before he could say anything, though Kim entered his room. "There you are, B'Elanna," Kim's voice made them jump, "Anyone hungry?" Torres looked back at Paris, who shrugged. Torres nodded her agreement and Kim went to get them something to eat. "You have him trained well," Paris tried to joke, but Torres detected a hint of pain in his voice. She looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes before he covered it up. Someday she vowed, she was going to get him to open up to her. During, breakfast, Paris ignored both Torres and Kim. He stared at his plate as he ate, keeping his eyes only on his food. He didn't notice the concerned looks the two were giving him or each other. Kim tried to get him to talk, but Paris only shook his head paying more attention to his meal. Torres growled often during those morning hours. She refused to play whatever game Paris was trying to play. She was actually more concerned on why she had caught Paris' scent. She had heard about a Klingon catching a potential mate's scent, but she had thought it was only a myth. Kim was her mate, but she hadn't caught his scent. But why did she feel so aroused and stimulated whenever she smelled her hands? Why did she feel a tingling in her legs and toes when she was near Paris? Torres shook the answering thoughts out of her head. Paris couldn't be interested in her. Besides, she was getting married and Paris wasn't the type to take someone's girlfriend, especially his best friend's. Everything was becoming confusing to her. She could smell Paris wherever she went, but she was about to be married to Kim. She shook her head again and looked at Paris, who averted his eyes back down to his plate. she asked silently, Around lunch time, Harry tried to get Tom to go to the Mess Hall with him. Neelix was serving a new dish, and he wanted to try it out. Paris, though shook his head and said he was staying in his quarters. "Tom," Kim said, trying not to shout, "You've been eating in you quarters for too long. People think you're a figment of their imaginations, only popping up when you have Bridge duty. You have got to get over this and move on!" Paris glared at Kim then, "Get over it?! I can't get over it, Harry! There is no way I can!" Kim was shocked at Paris' tone of voice. That was the first time, the pilot said anything to him, "Tom, if you tell me what's bothering you, maybe I can help you through it." Paris chuckled humorlessly, "I doubt you would want to help me once you find out what's wrong." "Try me," Kim said, glad to finally be making some lead way, but Paris just shook his head, "Why? Don't you trust us? Trust me?" "I do, but I don't want...." Torres came in at that time, fuming. She cursed in Klingon as she stalked into the room, tossing a datapadd on the floor and heading into the bathroom. During this time, Kim backed all the way to the replicator, and Paris watched her, smiling. The two could hear her, cursing as she showered. Paris laughed out loud as Kim sank to the floor. "What is so funny, Tom?" Kim asked, after a moment, "She could have torn into us if we stood in her way." Paris leaned back into his couch, still laughing. Kim shrugged, glad at least to hear his friend laughing. * * * * * * * The next morning, Kim again found Torres beside Paris' bed. He shrugged and went to the replicator to order them some breakfast. He figured that Torres was just concerned that Paris would try it again at anytime. He also figured that she was trying to get the pilot to talk and thought some privacy would do just that. He hoped that Paris would talk soon, for it was nearing his and Torres' wedding day, and he wanted Paris to be his best man. Kim thought as he placed the plates on the table. He was about to call the two to breakfast when his commbadge chirped. "Janeway to Kim." "Kim here, Captain." "How's Tom?" "Still moody, but a little bit better. He laughed up a storm last night." Kim could hear the smile in her voice, "That's wonderful, Mr. Kim. Maybe he's coming around and will be back to his old self." "That's what I'm hoping for, Captain." "Harry, the reason I called is that I need you to go on an away mission." "An away mission?" Harry was surprised, "What about Tom?" "B'Elanna can watch over him. You are assigned to go with Ensign Lerise to an abandoned communication station to look for any salvagable parts we could use, when she was with the Maquis she had experience in demolition. You leave in forty minutes." "Understood, Captain. Kim out." The link closed and he stared at the bedroom entrance. He wondered what the two would say about him leaving. He wondered what B'Elanna would think about Janeway assigning him to an away mission when Tom needed them the most. He took a sip of his coffee and went to face the music. "B'Elanna," Kim began, choosing his words carefully, "Captain Janeway has assigned me to an away mission. I don't know when I'll be back. She has left you to watch Tom." "An away mission. Now?" Torres glared at him, her dark eyes flashing, "Tom needs you as much as he needs me right now. She can't do this!" "She just did," Kim said quietly, "I leave in forty minutes." Torres growled, but looked back at Paris. He was staring at both of them calmly. He looked at her the longest. Her dark eyes full of emotion. He offered her a small smile and she returned it. "I think you're afraid you'll tear me apart and you need Harry here to keep you in line," Paris said, smiling. Torres snorted, "Right." Kim smiled as well, glad to see thatTom's humor had returned. Maybe seeing an angry Klingon was just what Paris needed. Then again, he was still wondering why Tom had started laughing. He would have to ask him about it later. "Look, I need to get going," Kim said, draining his cup, "I want both of you alive and in one piece when I get back." Paris mock saluted him and Torres nodded. Kim walked over to Torres and kissed her on the cheek, not noticing Paris tightly closed eyelids. The ensign then left the room. Torres looked back at Paris to see the tears stream down his face. She stroked his hair and the eyes popped open. She stared into his pained blue eyes and wondered what happened. "Tom," she began, but he just shook his head and got out of bed. Torres watched in wonder as he wandered around the room toward his bathroom. She felt herself become aroused as she stared at his half-naked body. She felt her mouth water as she moved her eyes down his body. He then disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her hot and breathless. she asked herself as she stood and went into the main room, Torres sat down on the couch and dove into her breakfast. Just then a vivid image of Paris taking a shower forced its way into her head. She again felt herself getting aroused, but she shoved it away before she went too far. She told herself, She smiled anyway as the persistent image popped into her head again. Now, the half-Klingon was fighting two battles inside her, but in reality it was her Klingon half that was raging both wars. Chapter 7 Ensign Harry Kim went through the pre-flight check list as Ensign Alera Lerise checked the equipment. Kim then opened a channel to the Bridge. "Kim to Bridge, are we cleared for take off?" "You are cleared for take off, Ensign," Tuvok stated, stoically. "Thanks. See you in a few days. Kim out." The shuttle left the ship, and headed toward the abandoned station. It was a quiet and peaceful flight. Kim stared at the stars flying by them at warp two. It made him think of his best friend, who had been extremely depressed for the past month. He wanted to know what was wrong with Tom Paris, but he refused to talk to anyone. Kim thought, thinking back to the first couple of days he and B'Elanna had stayed with Tom. He remembered the pilot had ignored, at first, both of them, but then just him. He was beginning to think he had something to do withTom's depression. <"But, what did I do?> Kim asked himself. Lerise felt the confusion from the ensign beside her. She at first tried to ignore it. She stared at the datapadd before her, but the concern and confusion still assaulted her senses. She looked over at Kim, his confusion evident on his face. She knew then she couldn't ignore it much longer. "Harry, what's wrong?" She asked. Kim continued to stare at the stars, "I shouldn't tell you, Alera, but it's eating me up inside, and I believe that you could keep a secret," he said and she nodded in the affirmative, so he continued. "It's Tom. He has gotten worse. He tried to kill himself two days ago," he didn't notice the shocked expression on the Betazoid's face, "The Captain and Commander have assigned me and B'Elanna to watch him. Last night, he seemed better. He actually laughed, but he has ignored me the whole time. When I tried to ask him what was wrong, he yelled at me. I think it's me, but I don't know what I did to make him so depressed. He won't talk to anyone." Lerise squeezed his shoulder, "I also feel some guilt from you, Harry. You feel guilty for leaving him. Don't worry, Harry, I'm sure he'll be fine. Now concentrate on flying the shuttle." Kim nodded and went back to studying his console. He felt a bit better, but he still felt he should be there to watch Tom. * * * * * * * B'Elanna came back to Tom's quarters after a brief visit to Engineering to check on the progress Carey was making re-aligning the warp core. When the door slid open she noticed that it was still as dark in the cabin as when she left and poking her head in Tom's bedroom she noticed that he was still sleeping. Taking the opportunity presented, she closed his bedroom door and requested that the lights in the living area be brought up to 80 percent. It was time to do a little housekeeping she thought, as much as she hated that chore, so she removed her uniform top which left her clad in just the gray undershirt. She began picking up the lunch dishes and deposited them in the recycler and then proceeded to pick up the other odds and ends that had accumulated since Harry had left two days ago. Two days ago. It seemed like Tom had somewhat improved over that time, but he still hadn't revealed what had been troubling him so much to resort to suicide. If he didn't tell her soon she'd rip it out of him, she determined as she lay on her stomach to reach under the couch to retrieve a couple of datapadds. Pulling herself out from under the couch, her undershirt caught on a fastener under the couch. "Damn," she muttered as she struggled to free herself. After several minutes of no success, in fact if anything she had gotten herself even more hopelessly entangled, she emitted a loud Klingon growl followed by a loud request to the occupant in the next room. "Paris, come out here! I need your help!" Tom was on the edge of being asleep and awake when her voice plunged him over the edge and he opted to wake up. "B'Elanna?" he questioned as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "Paris, I'm caught! I need your help!" she roared again, this time even more irate. Not even taking the time to pull on his robe he went in search of the half-Klingon clad only in his briefs. As he stepped into the living area all he could see of B'Elanna was a pair of legs which stuck out from under the sofa kicking away in frustration. "Easy B'Elanna, what wrong?" he asked as he kneeled down beside her trying to avoid the moving feet. "I'm stuck, now get off your duff and help me." "Take it easy. Be still and I'll help you," he instructed as his hands reached up under the sofa and made contact with the skin on her back. Feeling the silken smoothness of her skin beneath his fingers, he stopped for a moment in his search for the entanglement just to enjoy the sensation. She could feel his fingers on her back and thought that she would all but melt into a molten pool of ecstasy. But a little voice inside her head continued to quarrel with her saying She paused in mid thought. She shook the thoughts out of her head and began to squirm again but this time it was accompanied by the sound of fabric ripping. Feeling her trying to disentangle herself again, Tom reached further in and he finally felt the reason for her predicament, a nail was caught in her shirt. Using his long fingers he carefully extracted the material from the nail and pulled up on the edge of the couch. "There B'Elanna, pull yourself out now." Still grumbling at the embarrassing situation she had put herself in, B'Elanna crawled out and sat up beside the pilot. Looking down she noticed that the nail had ripped her undershirt in such a way that her front was completely exposed to the pilot. Quickly, she turned and back to him and tried to pull the material together around herself. Tom was at an unusual loss for words and action. It wasn't everyday that a wish came true. It wasn't everyday that someone as beautiful as B'Elanna Torres graced him with a sumptuous, though innocent, view of her body. Aware of the silence, B'Elanna turned her head around and was aware for the first time of his intoxicating stage of undress as he towered over her. She noticed everything from his hairs that entangled themselves on his chest, the slight scar that was etched along his lower thigh, and the bulge that continued to swell under his briefs. The heat in her body that she had felt earlier magnified and she was now even more aware of his scent than she had been before. She crinkled her pert nose and inhaled deeply a few times trying to capture as much of his aroma as she could knowing that she couldn't touch him but she couldn't help but enjoy the smell. Finally, she snapped to her senses. "Don't just stand there, Flyboy, get me something to wear! I can't go traipsing about the ship with this on!" "Sorry B'Elanna it was just that . . . you're so . . ." he thought as he retreated to his bedroom and finally emerged with his robe on and one of his favorite shirts -- his Big Daddy-O Hawaiian Special for her. "Ah . . . here, B'Elanna, put this on, I think it's your color." he said as he dropped the shirt onto her lap. "I'll just go ah . . shower and change while you slip that on," he explained. "Th. . .Thanks," she stammered. After she had dressed and Tom had taken a very cold shower and also changed, they met again out in the living area. B'Elanna was focused on only one thing breathing his scent, it was as if she could live on that smell alone. It drove any other thought she had from her mind and with her now wearing his shirt the scent was even more intense. "What's the matter, B'Elanna, I already showered." he stated noticing her crinkling her nose. B'Elanna was still trying to inhale as much of that wonderful scent as was possible. She just couldn't help herself she couldn't get enough of it and the more she smelled the more she wanted. "It's nothing, Paris, you're fine." she mused. "It's just me, I think I need to take a shower. "I'll be back soon and then maybe we could find something to do. A holodeck program maybe?" "Sounds good, I've developed a new one a while back and I've yet to share it with anyone. Would you like to beta-test it with me?" "Sure. I'll be back shortly and then we can go," she said as she turned to exit the cabin. "Fine. And, B'Elanna . . . " "Yes?" she answered as she spun around to face him. "It's nothing. I'll be ready when you return." "Okay, I won't be long." The door slid open and then slid shut behind her leaving Tom Paris standing still in the middle of his living area. he pondered as he sat down on the couch and waited for her to return. * * * * * * * B'Elanna returned to her cabin to reluctantly change. She would have preferred to stay dressed in Paris' shirt just so she could continue to immerse herself in his scent. But Tom was expecting her, so she removed the shirt and placed it on her bed with great reverence, showered, and donned her old Maquis outfit. She then went into her bathroom and brushed out her dark hair until in shined. Stopping by her bed on the way out, the grabbed the shirt to take it with her to return to Tom. The urge was just to great though as a low growl rumbled in her throat she buried her face in the fabric and in its scent. Chapter 8 Tom and B'Elanna met each other outside Holodeck One a short time later. "I'm glad you could make it, Torres." "Me too, I always love your holodeck programs." "Even Sandrine's and the holo-pigs?" he asked. "Well. . . I didn't like it at first, but after you got rid of Gaunt Gary and that lady. . .Ricki wasn't it? It wasn't so bad," she explained. "So are we ready?" "Yep, just let me . . . by the way where's my shirt I leant you?" "Oh, well I guess I left it in my cabin, I'll bring it back to you later ." "Just as long as you don't forget it, it is my favorite one." "I won't forget, trust me." Paris glanced at the half-Klingon engineer before he gave the computer his program selection thinking how beautiful she looked and how she was going to be someone else's wife. Torres looked at him surprised at the strange look that washed over his face. The holodeck doors slid open and the two stepped inside. Torres stopped short in awe, she was actually expecting him to call up a program with women or a bar. Before her though was a lush green forest complete with the singing of birds. The sun was just rising over the horizon, so the temperature was wonderfully warm. She could also hear the sound of rushing water in the distance. Torres looked at Paris, who was watching for her reaction. He smiled slightly, and she returned it. "It's beautiful," she breathed. "Where are we?" Paris stared at the surroundings as he answered, "Nowhere really. The forest is from Canada, but the waterfall you hear I just put in a few months ago." Paris started off down a path, Torres following. She stared at the forest and noticed it was quite calm, not even a breeze blew. She looked at Paris as he walked down the path ahead of her. He was also staring at the forest. By the way he was walking, she knew that he was deep in thought. She walked up toward him and looked at him. She was right, Tom was thinking about something. Something not pleasant by the expression on his face. "Tom," she began, placing a hand on his arm, "are you alright?" At her touch, Paris stared at her, his blue eyes full of emotions. He looked away as if to think of what to say. "I'm fine," he answered finally, "I was just thinking." "About what?" She hoped he was thinking about telling her what was wrong with him. Paris looked at her. He really didn't want to tell her, but he knew she would only continue to ask him. He took a deep breath and spoke, "I was thinking about how I wish my life was simpler. Everything has gotten so complicated." There, that was true enough without revealing the real reason. Torres looked at him. She was surprised to see that his mask that he always wore was gone. He was baring his soul to her, risking himself to get hurt. "Tom, what makes you believe that your life has become complicated?" She asked, but when he ignored the question after a few minutes, they resumed their hike. The two paused when they came to the edge of the forest. Before them was a cliff that towered fifteen feet above them. A rushing waterfall thundered down into a calm river. Torres stared in awe at the beautiful snow white fall. She could not believe that what she was staring at was a hologram. It appeared too real. she mused. Torres watched as Paris stared calmly at the sight before them. He walked closer to the river and sat down on a rock. He picked up a pebble and tossed it into the water. She went to him, and sat down on the ground. She looked at him to see his eyes fill up with unshed tears. "Tom?" she began, but he shook his head. "I don't want to burden you with my problems, B'Elanna," he said, staring across the water. "You're not going to burden me, Tom," she pleaded, "I want to help you." "You can't help me 'Lanna," he told her. "How do you know unless you try? *Please* let me help you?" She asked her anger building inside her because he refused to talk to her about it. "I can't. Just drop it please?" B'Elanna stood before him with her hands clenched into fists at her side, fairly shaking with anger. "Damn it Tom Paris I can't take this anymore!!! You tell me now or so help me I'll make you. . . I'll knock you. . . ." she said her voice raised in anger until she realized that her Klingon side had overwhelmed her human side at which time she abruptly stopped. "I'm . . . I'm so sorry Tom. I shouldn't have reacted that way," she apologized. "Harry always says that I should count to ten, or in my case one hundred, when I feel like venting my anger. He doesn't like it when I lose control." "Harry is trying to make you something you're not," Tom said simply, thinking that Harry couldn't see the forest for the trees -- B'Elanna's Klingon side couldn't be ignored it was a glorious part of who she was. It made her unique and special. "How can he ask you to ignore your Klingon heritage, B'Elanna? Doesn't he know that your eyes light with a beautiful, unquenchable fire when you're angry? Doesn't he realize that you're just being honest with what you're feeling?" she questioned herself but remembered her promise she made to her fiance to dampen her Klingon urges. "Ah. . . don't call my intended a fool, Flyboy, or you will not only hear my Klingon side you'll feel it too." she said holding up one of her fists and shaking it at him menacingly. "And besides Harry's right, my Klingon side only gets me into trouble," she stated as she turned her back to him so he couldn't see the sadness on her face. Tom walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "I'm sorry 'Lanna, please forgive me. The last thing I'd ever want to do it to hurt either of you. You two are the closest thing I have to a family. But I can't tell you what's bothering me. I can't just yet." B'Elanna half turned her head toward him. "But you'll remember that if you need anyone to talk to then I'll be there -- *both* Harry and I will be there." "I'll remember. Tom sighed and rested his forehead against the back of her head. For a long while the only sound came from the waterfall. During that time, B'Elanna closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. The scent was stronger and fresher now that he was closer to her. She turned around to face him and leaned in to him to breathe deeper. She then opened her eyes to find Paris staring at her. She was embarrassed, but also strangely aroused. "'Lanna?" Paris asked, confused by what she was doing. "Sorry, Tom," Torres said, her brown eyes danced with desire. Paris looked at her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her. He then stared at the forest on the other side of the river. All coherent thought was driven from his mind, all he knew was that he had to act now, even if she didn't accept it. He took a deep breath to calm himself and taking advantage of the opportunity, gently touched his lips to hers. Instead of pulling away from him, as he had expected her to, she kissed him back with an uninhibited passion, opening her lips so they could explore and taste each other's mouths with their tongues. Tom entwined his fingers in her hair and pulled her closer to him and B'Elanna purred with approval as she was finally able to consume the undiluted scent that she craved and encircled the pilot with her own arms. Then just as suddenly as it started he could feel B'Elanna tense in his arms and she tried to push back from him. "I can't . . . We can't . . We can't do this. . It's not right, Tom, not . . . . not honorable. I'm engaged to Harry, I love him and he's your friend. What were we thinking?" she asked. "B'Elanna," he began, "I . . ." "I don't want to talk about it Tom, this is wrong . . . very wrong. What would Harry say if he found out?" "Carey to Torres," Torres' commbadge chirped. She tapped it and spoke hoping that her voice sounded normal, "Torres here. What is it, Carey?" "I want you to take a look at the warp core. It's acting up again. I took some scans, but they don't say much." Torres looked at Paris, who just shrugged and stared at the river. She felt her heart sink. She wanted to stay with him and explain that it was all her fault, but they needed her in Engineering. "I'm. . . I'm on my way, Carey. Torres out." "I guess I'll go to my quarters," Paris said, his voice quiet. "I'll try not to take long," she promised and Paris nodded. Torres then got up and headed for the exit. Paris put his head in his hands as he let the tears fall. * * * * * * * Tom returned back to his cabin, sat down heavily on the chair by the dining table and saw that B'Elanna had left a message stating that the problem in Engineering was a little more serious than she had anticipated and that she'd return as soon as she was able but she didn't know exactly when that might be. She also mentioned that she had to talk to him about what had happened in the holodeck. He could just imagine what she had to talk about, about how he had taken advantage of her and Harry's friendship. Here he was, Harry's best friend and he had just put the moves on his friend's fiance. If there was anything lower than a pig he was it. It was bad enough thinking about B'Elanna and the fact that he couldn't have her, but to experience a bit of intimacy with the beautiful half-Klingon to see her eyes flash with desire and to never partake of the pleasure again was unbearable. he mused. These thoughts streamed through his mind as he sat until his eyes lit upon his medical assistant medkit tucked away on the top shelf against the wall. Maybe inside lay the answer to his problems. He reached up and brought down the medkit and opened it with a trembling hand. He withdrew a fully loaded hypospray and held it up to the light in the room. Yes, there might be just enough. Just enough to put himself out of his misery and let everyone go on with their lives without having to worry about the infernal screw up Tom Paris. His father had been right those many years ago when he said: 'If there's a way to mess something up Thomas, I can always count on you.' Those words from his past never rang more true than they did at that moment. The decision made, he pressed the hypospray up against his neck as he released the entire contents into his system and before he could remove the device from his neck he had collapsed on the floor. "Forgive me 'Lanna," he mumbled as darkness descended upon him. * * * * * * * * B'Elanna had just left Engineering covered with bioneural gel on the way to her cabin leaving Carey with instructions to monitor the warp core and to call her if the problems re-occurred. she said to herself as the stomped down the hall. she argued with herself as she stepped into her quarters and proceeded to change into clean clothes. a little voice at the back of her mind reminded her as she pulled on a blue short sleeved top. "Stop it!," she said out loud to herself. "Harry's just fine he'll love me, take care of me and see that I don't do things that I regret." Grabbing Tom's shirt from the bed, she could still hear her inner voice. *Things like being half-Klingon? And do you really want someone to take care of you?* she thought but was surprised at what she almost admitted to herself. *If you say that often enough, after twenty or thirty years maybe you might finally believe it* she thought as she strode out back down the corridor to Tom's cabin. B'Elanna finally reached Tom Paris' door and leaned up against it still clutching his shirt, preparing herself before she went in. "I've got to tell him," she murmured. "I've got to tell Tom that I can't go through with this marriage, not when the sexual craving for him is so strong. It's not fair to Harry if I marry him when I desire another." With that thought in her mind, she opened the door and stepped into the cabin. The cabin was dark but she could make out a figure lying on the floor. "Computer - seventy percent illumination." she ordered. As soon as the lights came on she saw that Tom was sprawled out on the deck with a hypospray lying beside him. "Computer -- emergency beam out. Lt. Paris to Sickbay!" In an instant a blue beam enveloped the lieutenant and transported him to Sickbay. B'Elanna quickly grabbed the hypospray and rushed from the cabin and down the hall en route to the same destination. Chapter 9 B'Elanna Torres entered Sickbay to find the Doctor working on Tom Paris. She went over to the biobed and looked at the pilot. He was deathly pale, and he was having trouble breathing. She looked up at the monitor, and saw that his vitals were almost nil. She glanced at the Doctor, who was hooking Paris up to life support. The EMH then looked at her. "Lt. Torres," he said running the scanner over Tom's inert form, "have you informed the Captain about this?" B'Elanna shook her head, "I was more frightened for him. I wanted to see if he was alright." "I will inform the Captain then. As to whether he's all right, he is not. I have put him on life support for the time being. I have found a dangerous level of Nocturzine in his system." B'Elanna looked at the hypsospray in her hand. She felt her heart sink as she realized what he had done. she thought "Lieutenant?" The Doctor was staring at her curiously, "What do you have there?" B'Elanna handed him the hypospray, "He tried to kill himself again. I left him alone when he needed me the most." The Doctor took the hypospray and scanned it. It had contained the same drug that was in Paris' system. The EMH sighed and tapped his commbadge. "EMH to Captain Janeway." "Janeway here. What is it, Doctor?" "It's Mr. Paris, Captain. I request your presence in Sickbay." Janeway felt a sense of dread fall over her, "I'm on my way. Chakotay you have the Bridge." * * * * * * * When Janeway entered Sickbay, she saw B'Elanna standing over a biobed. On closer inspection, she saw Tom lying on the bed. She gasped when she saw how pale the pilot was. "Torres, what happened?" She asked, stunned. "I left him alone, Captain. I found him in his quarters barely alive. I found a hypospray beside him." Janeway stared at Tom. A chill went up her spine as she realized what he did. "Mr. Paris injected all the contents of the hypospray into his system," the Doctor spoke her fears, "He was barely alive when he was beamed in. If Torres hadn't went to his quarters when she did..." "He would have died," Janeway concluded, "How is he?" I put him on life support. He was having trouble breathing, and his pulse was almost none existent. It will take a while for the drug to leave his system." "How long?" B'Elanna asked. "Probably three days," the EMH answered, "He might not awaken before then." "I should have stayed with him," B'Elanna said, trying to keep herself calm, "I should have told Carey to handle the warp core. I could have brought Tom with me." Janeway placed an arm around the distraught engineer. She could fell B'Elanna tremble, so she gave her a reassuring hug. "It wasn't your fault, B'Elanna. You had no idea Tom was going to try again. You were needed in Engineering." B'Elanna shook her head. She felt guilty for leaving Paris in the state he was in. She stared at the pilot's pale face as she felt the tears sting her eyes. She closed them and let the tears fall. B'Elanna thought She opened her eyes to find her vision had blurred. She wiped the tears from her eyes. She then reached a shaking hand and stroked Paris' hair. "I'm sorry, Tom," she whispered. "There's nothing else I can do for him," the Doctor announced, "We'll just have to wait until he wakes up." Janeway nodded, "Let me know when he wakes, Doctor. I want to know what caused him to do this again." The Doctor nodded. The two knew that it was more than depression that caused Paris to try to kill himself again. "I want to stay with him," B'Elanna spoke up, "I don't want to leave him again. Not for anything." Janeway glanced at the Doctor, who nodded, "If it will help her then it is best for her to stay." The Captain agreed then left Sickbay. She wanted to get to the bottom of this. To do so, she had to let Chakotay and Tuvok know what was going on. * * * * * * * * Three days before they reached the station, Kim and Lerise were getting more comfortable with each other. Kim had gotten over his guilt about leaving Tom behind, and he had learned a lot about Lerise. He learned that Alera loved classical music. She had practically lit up when he popped in one of his audio chips and it started to play Mozart. The two talked about music since then. He mentioned to her that he played the clarinet and she became even more interested. He was surprised. B'Elanna didn't much care about his musical interests. He had tried to get her to join him in a holoprogram where he could play before an audience. She had told him she had things to take care of in Engineering and quickly left. Kim thought to himself Kim shook his head at that, Kim thought about what else they had in common. They both worked in two departments. They both worked in Engineering on occasion. They were both quiet, though Kim was more social that her. When he began to compare Lerise to Torres, he realized that the two were complete opposites. B'Elanna was a dark beauty, while Alera had dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. Though they were both of mixed heritage, B'Elanna was half-Klingon while Alera was half- Betazoid. B'Elanna had a vicious temper, while Alera was almost timid. Kim suddenly realized that Lerise was just what he wanted in a wife. Someone he could talk to, and share his feelings and interests with. Kim thought with a smile. * * * * * * * * Captain's Log I regret to report that Tom Paris has tried to commit suicide again, and this time he may succeed. Currently, he lying in Sickbay on life support barely alive. If B'Elanna hadn't returned to his cabin when she had I would now be preparing for a funeral for our Chief Pilot as it is those preparations may still need to be made for now we wait -- wait to see if the Lieutenant will awake. According to the Doctor's estimation, he should be waking soon -- and it can't come too soon. The last few days have been hell waiting for him to return to us. Though I knew why he resorted to the first attempt, I was somewhat surprised by this attempt. I thought that he had been doing better, he had regained some of the weight he had lost and appeared to be on the road to recovery. And then there's B'Elanna Torres. B'Elanna hasn't left his side since she found him in his cabin. When questioned as to why she thought he had tried again, she can provide no answer other than that she blames herself for leaving him alone. Per my instructions, Mr. Tuvok is investigating the incident as is in keeping with Starfleet protocol. Reluctantly, I was obligated to relate to him what Mr. Paris had told me in confidence a few weeks ago. When I told him of Mr. Paris love for our Chief Engineer, he just cocked one eyebrow and replied matter-of-factly: 'I've always thought that our Chief Pilot harbored strong feelings for B'Elanna Torres.' That will be the last time I assume that matters of the heart are not noticed by my Chief of Security. At least though I know with Mr. Tuvok that that information will not be spread through the crew. End of Log. * * * * * * * Per the Captain's, request, Tuvok reviewed what little information that he had gathered on Mr. Paris' suicide attempt. His suspicions that Mr. Paris was attracted to Ms. Torres had been confirmed by the Captain. And Tuvok also knew that human emotions, especially emotions driven by love, accounted for many acts of violence -- not only to others but also to ones self, but it did not explained what happened the night of the second attempt to push him to try it again. Talking with Lt. Torres about the pilot's activities over the previous few days had proved fruitless, she had been unable -- or unwilling -- to provide any further information. She only mentioned that their days had been relatively uneventful and that she and Tom had been in a holodeck program shortly before he had injected himself with the drug. Reviewing the holodeck data logs Tuvok had found out that the programmed had not been security locked and as such visual and audio data existed on what had transpired that day. Tuvok brought this new-found information to the Captain's attention and with her security clearance accompanied by his own they were able to view what had occurred that fateful day. The Captain and Tuvok adjourned to the holodeck and asked the computer to holo-create what had transpired during the time and B'Elanna and Tom were they three days ago. "Initiate holodeck program Paris Epsilon 3 replay of last time the program was activated authorization Janeway Delta Omega 12 and. . ." Tuvok authorization Alpha Sigma 7." Tuvok supplied completing the command. When the computer brought up the start of the program and the Captain saw the green forest and the waterfall she was taken back to the conversation she had had with Tom weeks ago in Sickbay. she thought as the program began and a holographic Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres entered the forest. All seemed to be going relatively well at first then the scene where the two argued about her repressing her Klingon heritage was presented. Hearing the two quarrel about this subject, the Captain had to side with her pilot. B'Elanna could never suppress her Klingon side successfully for very long and she wouldn't be true to herself if she did. Then the scene played where B'Elanna reminded Tom that both Harry and she would be there if he needed them. Kathryn thought realizing how those few words must have sounded to Tom. A little while later both Tom and B'Elanna where suddenly kissing each other with a wild abandon only to have B'Elanna finally pull away and say something to him. "Can you replay those words again Tuvok, I couldn't quite understand what was said," she asked the Vulcan. "Certainly, Captain," Tuvok responded and he requested that the program re-cue to the point just before B'Elanna pulled away and clarify the words and raise the volume. The Captain listened intently as B'Elanna spoke the following words: 'I can't . . . We can't . . . . It's not right, Tom, not . . . . not honorable. I'm engaged to Harry, I love him and he's your friend. What were we thinking?' "Oh my!" the Captain said as she looked at Tuvok. "I think we may have the answer." "Captain?" Tuvok responded not understanding the implications behind B'Elanna words. "Honor, Tuvok. Klingon honor," she said simply. "I believe when B'Elanna said about their actions not be honorable she was referring to herself, but Tom may have misinterpreted her to mean that he wasn't honorable and therefore not worthy. And then to mention that she is engaged to Harry and that Harry is his friend only served to confirm to him that he was worthless." "And he would have concluded that if he were no longer alive, that he wouldn't have to hurt either Ms. Torres or Mr. Kim." "Exactly. Sometimes Tom is more Klingon in his quest for honor than if he had gone through the Klingon Day of Honor himself." * * * * * * * * Tom Paris woke three days after he had overdosed. He groggily opened his eyes, and looked around his surroundings. His eyes finally focused on Captain Janeway. Her concerned face appeared before him, and he knew why she was here. his foggy brain thought, Tom closed his eyes, but Janeway's voice brought his attention to her. Blue eyes stared at gray as Paris waited to be reprimanded. "Tom, I don't want to have to order you to talk to someone," Janeway said softly, "But you have to talk sometime. Keeping all this to yourself is only tearing you up." Tom closed his eyes. The Captain was right, but what difference would it make? If anything it would only make things worse. He took a deep breath only to cough loudly. He then felt his head swim. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt his stomach lurch. He groaned, and put a hand on his head. "I feel sick," he rasped, "What happened?" Janeway placed a hand on his arm, "You overdosed on Nocturzine. You've been unconscious for three days, and on life support." Tom's memory resurfaced and he nodded. He looked away from her only to find the Doctor scanning him. He closed his eyes and sighed. He was so close that time, but someone had saved him in time again. "Well, Mr. Paris," the EMH spoke, "the drug is almost out of your system. In the next couple days you will be going through withdrawal. You will be extremely ill." He looked at Janeway and continued, "I recommend someone to stay with him. He will need someone to be with him through all this. It might also help him deal with whatever is causing him to do this." Janeway nodded, "I believe Lt. Torres will want to stay with him. It might help her get over her guilt for leaving him." The Doctor agreed. He then looked at his tricorder, and nodded, "I suggest he stay in his quarters until this is over." Janeway nodded and tapped her commbadge, "Janeway to Torres." "Torres here," the engineer's voice sounded on edge. As if she had been waiting for them to call her with bad news. "Lt. Paris is awake. The Doctor is releasing him to his quarters. He will be very sick for the next couple days. I want you to be with him during that time." "I understand, Captain. Torres out." Torres' voice now sounded relieved. * * * * * * * B'Elanna arrived in Sickbay to find Tom sitting on a biobed. He still looked pale, but not that deathly pale of three days ago. She walked up to him, and cleared her throat. He jumped a little, and looked at her. She gasped when she saw the haunted look in his blue eyes. "Tom," she began. "Save it, Torres," Tom said, staring at the floor, "I just want to go to my quarters." B'Elanna was surprised at his dismissal, but she nodded and helped him off the bed. The two then left Sickbay. When the two entered Paris' quarters, Tom went immediately to the bathroom. B'Elanna heard the sickening sounds of him throwing up. She slowly went to the bathroom. She wanted to help him, but she didn't want to see him vomiting. "Are you all right, Tom?" she asked, standing at the corner to the entrance. "No," Tom answered before she heard more vomiting. A few minutes later, Tom emerged from the bathroom. He looked at B'Elanna, and gave her a small smile. He ran a shaking hand through his messed up hair as he tried to think of something to say. "You look like hell, Tom," B'Elanna said honestly. Tom sniffed and nodded, "I feel like hell. I think I'll lie down." B'Elanna wasn't going to let him off that easily. She grabbed his arm as he went into the bedroom. She spun him around to see a flash of anger in his eyes. That excited her, but the flash disappeared as quickly as it appeared. "Damn it, Tom!" She practically shouted, "Why are you doing this? Answer me!" Tom jerked his arm out of her grip. He glared at her, angry that she was still asking him this question. He shook his head which only caused it to hurt. He swayed a little. He felt B'Elanna steady him then help him to sit on the couch. He stifled a groan of protest when he felt Torres' hands leave his shoulders. "I want to understand why you're trying to kill yourself. I want to know why?" Tom leaned back on the couch, and stared at the ceiling. He remembered their brief kiss in the holodeck. He also remembered her leaving him, telling him that what they did was dishonorable. he thought bitterly, He knew better than that though. He had done several honorable things, including saving lives. Still that thought didn't help matters now. "I'm sorry I screwed things up, 'Lanna," he said, "I thought I couldn't make matters worse for you and Harry if I was gone." B'Elanna felt a chill run down her spine. She twisted herself, so that she could look into his eyes. She stroked his hair as she spoke, "You wouldn't have made things worse for us, Tom. We care about you. We want you in our lives, Tom. You're our friend." "Some friend," Tom whispered, "I kiss my best friend's fiance. How low can someone go?" B'Elanna shook her head, "It was a harmless mistake, Tom. I shouldn't have..." "Mistake!?" Tom sat up then, his eyes a blue fire, "You think kissing me was a mistake!?" B'Elanna shrank back at his anger. She had never seen him this angry before. It both scared her and excited her. "Tom.." "No!" Tom shouted, standing up, "If you think all this is a mistake then you can leave! I don't want or need your pity!" B'Elanna stood up then and glared at him. If he was challenging her then she accepted. She went to stand in front of him. She stared into his eyes and snarled, "I don't pity you, Tom Paris! I think you pity yourself. You don't know where you stand with us anymore and it scares you. Am I right?" Paris sneered and walked away from her. He was heading to his bedroom, but she stepped into his path. They glared at each other, daring the other to make a move. Torres could feel the anger flow off of him. It seemed to make his scent stronger. She inhaled it and almost toppled over, but she held her ground. She felt her own body heat rise as she realized how close he was. She felt her mouth go dry as she stared into his pain-filled eyes. "You need to leave, B'Elanna. It'd be better for both of us." B'Elanna shook her head defiantly, "No, Paris. I won't leave you again. I want to help you. This is tearing me up as much as you." Tom snorted and turned away, "I don't see how." B'Elanna growled and stalked over to him. She spun him around. Instinctively, he raised his arm to defend himself, and she caught his wrist before he could strike her. She felt the heat rise in her again. She growled again as she glared at him. "If you want to wallow in your self pity, that's your business, but I will not leave you alone. I owe you that much, Tom." "You don't owe me nothing, Torres," Tom snarled, trying to break her grip on him. "You're wrong, Paris!" she snapped, "I should have been there when you needed me the most. Instead, I went to repair the warp core! You needed me and I left you!" She let go of him, and went to sit on the couch. She looked at him, but he didn't move. There was a long period of silence before Tom spoke. "You don't need to feel guilty for leaving me. It's not the first time a woman had left me. I should be used to it by now." B'Elanna felt her heart sink, "I'm sorry, Tom." He stared at her, "Don't, B'Elanna. Just leave, please. I need to be alone." B'Elanna had enough. She stood up, grabbed something heavy on his coffee table, and threw it at him. He ducked just before it hit him in the head. It smashed into the wall, and landed on the floor with a thud. B'Elanna was both shocked at her action and stimulated. She was also relieved that he ducked in time. "Gods, Tom! I'm sorry! I didn't mean..." "GET OUT!" Tom shouted, his eyes a blue flame, "Get the hell out of here!" Tom stalked into his bedroom and locked the door. B'Elanna slid to the floor and cried. Early the next morning, Torres woke to the sounds of moaning. She also heard coughing that frightened her. She got up off the couch, and padded toward the bedroom door. "Tom!" She pounded on the door, "Are you alright?" The door opened revealing a terrible looking Tom Paris. His hair was everywhere, and he was sweating. He coughed harshly. It was several minutes before he spoke. "I didn't sleep well. I threw up twice last night. I feel terrible." "You look terrible." "Thanks," Tom said, trying to smile, "I'm going to take a shower. Hopefully, I'll get through it without throwing up." They smiled at each other. Tom then went back into his bedroom and prepared to take a shower. B'Elanna went to fix them breakfast. A few minutes later, Tom came into the main room wearing a dark blue shirt and shorts. He dried his hair with a towel then looked at the food. He suddenly felt sick again. he thought as he felt dizzy and nauseous. "What's wrong, Tom?" B'Elanna asked, seeing him pale. "I feel sick again," he said before he turned around and went back into the bathroom. B'Elanna chuckled slightly, but sobered as she heard vomiting. Later, Tom lied down on his bed. The dizziness was slowly leaving him, but he still felt nauseous. He knew he had a fever as well, and he moaned at the thought. He then felt a cool cloth on his forehead, and he opened his eyes to see B'Elanna looking at him concerned. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Tom whispered. B'Elanna shook her head, "It's alright, Tom. You needed to vent some anger. I understand." Tom smiled his thanks. He then closed his eyes and fell asleep. B'Elanna grew worried when Tom began to visibly shake. She tried her best to calm him to no avail. He continued to shiver even as she stroked his hair and whispered to him. Torres stayed with him throughout the night. She whispered reassurances to him as she stroked his sweat-drenched hair and mopped the sweat from his face. She then bent down and kissed his forehead. At that, she smelled his scent even stronger. She growled softly as she felt sleep overcome her. * * * * * * * B'Elanna woke to the sound of water running. She opened her eyes to find herself in his bed. She sat up in shock. she thought, stunned. The sound stopped and the door to the bathroom opened. Voyager's Chief Pilot stepped into his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his slim waist. He was towel drying his hair when he stopped to look at her. He looked better than he did last night. "Morning, Tom," B'Elanna said, "Thanks for letting me have your bed." Tom smiled, "I woke up with your head on my chest. I put you on my bed while I took a shower." She thought with disappointment, "Thanks again, Tom." He nodded and went into his closet. He got out a shirt and jeans. He then looked at B'Elanna with a sheepish grin. "Um...I suppose you don't want to see me in my birthday suit..." She smiled, "I'll be in the living room." Tom returned her smile. He then got dressed as she fixed them breakfast. B'Elanna sat on the couch, breathing in the scent from her hands. Paris' scent was all over her hands now. It was stronger than ever before, and it was highly stimulating her. She looked up when she felt Paris' presence. Her mouth went dry as she stared at him. The shirt and jeans fit him perfectly. She traced his body with her eyes, drinking him in. She felt her temperature rise, and she began to breath heavily. Tom walked into the room, and sat down beside B'Elanna. He looked at the food and felt his stomach lurch slightly. He swallowed hard, and picked up the fork. "How are you feeling, Tom?" She asked, trying to keep the arousal from her voice. "A bit better," he answered, "I still have a fever, though." B'Elanna smiled as she watched him eat. Her smile turned feral as his scent came to her nose. She breathed deeply, getting Paris' attention. "Something wrong, Torres?" he asked, staring at her suspiciously. She growled softly as she inhaled his scent deeply. She opened her eyes to find him staring at her. His blue eyes were dark with curiosity and arousal. She smiled and ran a hand through his unruly hair. "B'Elanna," he whispered. The half-Klingon growled again, and bent forward to nibble his earlobe. He shuddered at her touch, but he fought down his arousal. "B'Elanna, don't," he said, breaking away from her, "You know you don't want to do this." B'Elanna ran her hand through his hair. She growled and bent forward again to kiss his cheek. She held him tightly when he tried to break away. "B'Elanna, please," Tom protested, but he was weakening under her caresses. B'Elanna inhaled his scent as she ran her left hand under his shirt. She heard him gasp, and she smiled. "Torres, stop," he tried to say, but the half-Klingon took his mouth with hers. He returned her kiss, and she growled deeply. She ran her hands over his chest as he ran his hands through her dark hair. He deepened the kiss as he realized she was giving him his dream. He knew it wouldn't happen again, but still he knew this was wrong. "B'Elanna," he said, "you're going to marry my best friend in a few days. We can't do this." She growled then grabbed his shirt, and ripped it apart. Tom gasped in surprise. He looked at her to see her eyes dark with arousal. "Quiet, Paris," she growled, "I want you. I need you." Without warning, she grabbed his shoulders, and pushed him down onto the couch. She devoured his mouth with hers, letting her tongue dance with his. She became more aroused as she felt his hands caress her back. She sat up and stared at him. He was not protesting anymore. If anything, he was just as aroused as her. He seemed to need this as much as her. B'Elanna smiled at him as she unfastened her uniform top. She pulled it off then tossed it aside. She tilted back as Tom ran his hands under her gray undershirt. She growled deeply as she felt him caress her breasts. "Tom," she breathed as her fever rose. She smiled ferally as she heard her shirt rip apart. She looked down at him to see him toss the shirt away. He then ran his hands over her bra. She reached behind her and unfastened it. She slid the straps off her shoulder and slung the bra across the room. She then went back to devouring his mouth. She moaned into the kiss as she felt his hands move up and down her spine. Suddenly, Tom flipped them over. They landed with a thud onto the floor. He looked at her, concerned. She smiled at him and ran her hands into his hair. She then pulled him down closer to her, and deeply kissed him. Her hands moved down his back and around his waist. He rose up, so she could reach the front. She unbuttoned his pants and slipped them down and off him. His briefs followed. Tom moved to kiss her cheek then neck. She moaned his name as she frantically unfastened her pants. She growled loudly as she slipped her pants and underwear off her. She then flipped them over as her fever reached its height. She ran her hands over his chest and up his shoulders. She smiled ferally as she admired his body. She stared into his eyes then bent to take his mouth again. Tom felt his own fever grow as his hands explored her body. He heard her growl and felt her nibble his ears then chest. He heard her gasp as he felt himself enter her. He opened his eyes to see her move her hips forward. Her head tilted back and she moaned his name. B'Elanna gasped as she felt him thrust up into her. She then growled as they found a rhythm. She began to moan his name as they picked up their pace. Tom grabbed her thighs as he met her movements. His hands then wandered to her breasts, but she grabbed his wrists and placed them back on her thighs. She then clutched his shoulders as she viciously rocked her hips forward, digging her nails into his skin. She growled deeply as he thrust upward. Their pace quickened as they neared the edge. They breathed each others' names as they continued. Suddenly, B'Elanna tilted her head back, and screamed his name. Tom grabbed her hips, and thrust one last time. He called her name as he released into her. B'Elanna collapsed onto him, breathing heavily. She felt Tom wrap his arms around her and kiss the top of her head. She smiled contentedly and sighed. Tom buried his face in her dark hair as he felt the sting of tears fill his eyes. He felt a single tear fall down his cheek as he realized what had happened. he thought, Tom stroked her hair, reveling in the soft feel of it. He loved her so much, and he wanted to tell her that. Maybe now was a good time. B'Elanna, though was confused. She just made love to Tom Paris, her fiance's best friend and hers as well. hat would either of them think of her now? What would Harry say? Torres thought, She sat up, and stared at Tom, lying beneath her. His blue eyes were staring at her, confused. "Lanna?" B'Elanna shook her head, and got off him. She began to gather her clothes as Tom sat up. He watched her get dressed as he felt his heart sink. "What's wrong?" he asked, knowing the answer. "I have to go, Tom," she explained, putting on her uniform top, "I'll be back later." She stopped when she realized what she had said. She looked at him as he gathered his clothes, and headed toward the bathroom with a somber expression on his face. "I mean it, Tom," she said, "I will be back. I need to think." Tom stared at her. His blue eyes full of pain again, "Just go, B'Elanna. I'll be here when you get back. I knew it was a mistake. I should have stopped you." B'Elanna shook her head, "No, Tom, it wasn't a mistake. We'll talk about this later." She quickly left his quarters, hoping that what she said didn't hurt him. She prayed that he would be alright when she returned. Tom sat heavily on the couch. He leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He closed his eyes as he berated himself for letting things get out of hand. * * * * * * * "So I think that's the last of the equipment we can salvage," Alera said as she threw her spanner toward her tool kit and handed Ensign Kim a scorched audionic modulator. "Gee this one has seen better days," he replied as he turned the piece over in his hand and placed it on the anti-grav sled along with the other parts they and salvaged from the communications station. "Yep but I think we can find something in there that can be reused," she answered as she pulled herself out from underneath some type of console. Harry quickly went over to help her up, but just as he bent down she pulled herself up, and their heads softly bumped together. "Sorry," they both replied at the same time, and giggled as he offered her his hand. He then helped her stand up. "Come on Alera, let's get this stuff stored on the shuttle and get out of here." "Sounds, good to me." A few hours later the pair had left the abandoned communication station behind and prepared for their long journey back to Voyager. Kim had been surprised, when they had left Voyager several days ago he had been very reluctant to leave. When he left, he had been very concerned about Tom, and he hated to leave B'Elanna behind. But, it had been several days, and he was surprised that he hadn't missed B'Elanna more than he had. He had to admit that it had been an enjoyable away mission, even though there had been a lot of work to do at the station. Alera had been good company. The trip out had passed in a leisurely fashion with the shuttle on autopilot. Alera and Harry reviewed what types of communication equipment Voyager most needed, and spent the remainder of the time reading and talking. She told him of her life on Betazed and he told her of his experiences back on Earth. Harry had found that not only was she very easy to talk to, she was a beautiful woman besides. She also had a calm way about her, and though she sometimes disagreed with what he said, she never got upset or raised her voice. She also possessed a habit that Harry could truly appreciate. She was one of those people that couldn't stand disorder, she felt that there was 'a place for everything and everything had it's place.' Harry could relate to this and it was one more thing that he and B'Elanna differed on. B'Elanna tended to leave her cabin cluttered which just infuriated him. He couldn't understand it, from the looks of her cabin you wouldn't know that she couldn't abide anything but order and precision in Engineering. More than once during the away mission, he found himself wishing that B'Elanna could be more like Alera Larise. "You know Alera, it's awful quiet in here . . . um . . . I know you like music." Harry said as he checked out autopilot readings on their third day on the journey back. "I brought along some audiochips." Alera looked up from where she was sitting on the bench seat in the rear of the shuttle. "So did I," she replied as she bit her lower lip in concentration as she reached for her bag and rummaged toward the bottom before extracting three chips. That little unconscious act of biting her lower lip fascinated Harry. It was like an aphrodisiac. It made his blood start to simmer. When he realized what he was thinking he quickly looked away. "Ah . . . so why don't you pick one of yours and ah . . . I'll pick one of mine and we can alternate playing them," he offered to which she nodded in agreement, and reviewing the three chips, handed one over to the ensign. "Here this one is my favorites," she explained. He took the chip from her, and he handed her one of his. "And here is one of mine." "Harry, you gave me back my own," she replied. "No, I didn't yours is right here." He held up the chip for her to see and looked at it himself. "Ravel? You like Ravel, too?" "You're surprised?" she asked feeling his confusion mixed with pleasure. "Well you see usually my taste in music isn't shared by everyone. B'Elanna for instance can't abide what I like, and I can't stand to listen to some of the more contemporary stuff and Klingon opera that she favors." "Well let's just enjoy the music. I found out I was really attracted to Earth classics while I was at Starfleet Academy. I for one can't get enough of Ravel's Bolero," she purred sensing that he was attracted to her. "Ah, yes, Bolero," Harry concurred, "one of my favorites as well. I'll just pop this one in." Knowing that Bolero was near the end of the chip, Harry felt that he would have time to control the sexual emotion that the song radiated before it was played. After the chip played for a while, Harry began to feel guilty. Guilty, because since the music started playing, he hadn't been able to tear his eyes away from the young ensign. he pondered. "Are you hungry Alera, do you want something to eat?" Harry asked as he got up to look over the food stuffs that remained. "Just bring me back whatever you're going to have," she replied as she paused from humming along to the music. Harry looked through what was available and selecting two containers of vanilla yogurt and spoons returned to Alera and sat down beside her on the back bench seat. Opening the containers they began to eat. "So, Harry, tell me about your time at Julliard?" she asked finally. Harry looked up at the beautiful woman and smiled. "I'd love to . . . um you have a little bit of yogurt right here," he observed as he brought his finger over to her soft cheek to rub it off. Sensing the growing interest that Harry was feeling, before he could remove his yogurt-dipped finger from her face, she captured his hand with hers and pulled his finger into her mouth to slowly lick off the yogurt. Harry's eyes widened with surprise. "I'm sorry, Harry, I . . ." she tried to explain but the sensual Betazed side of her was firmly in control for once. And for once in her life, she knew what she wanted -- she wanted Harry Kim. Just then the shuttle dipped and they both ended up tumbling to the deck with Harry positioned on top of Alera. "I guess we hit a pocket of turbulence," Harry noted just as Bolero started to play. he thought to himself as he brought his lips down closer to Alera's. "Pocket of turbulence," she murmured. Never had those words sounded so exciting and he pulled her closer to him and kissed her full lips. As the song continued to play and the tempo increased, their passion increased as well. "Alera, you're beautiful," Harry whispered in her ear as he unfastened her uniform top. "I really shouldn't be doing this." "I think what you shouldn't be doing is marrying Lt. Torres," Alera remarked as she pulled his uniform top over his head sending his hair to disarray. "I never thought I'd say it, but you may be right, 'Lera, I've never felt this way before. Never." he panted as he finally pulled off her top as well and was happily surprised to find that she wore no undergarment underneath. "Alera you're gorgeous," he breathed as he drank in her beauty and rained gentle kisses over her breasts. <> "Oh shit!" Harry spat as he quickly pulled on his uniform top and made a half-hearted attempt to brush back his hair. "Shuttlecraft Orion here, come . . . come in Voyager," he replied nervously, glancing down at Alera still reclining seductively on the deck of the shuttle. "Harry," the Captain answered, but her attention was on the pad in her hand. "We are ahead of schedule, and should be able to rendezvous with you in two days." She then looked up, and noticed the ruffled hair and undone top of her Ops Officer. "Harry are you all right?" she asked, trying to keep a straight face. "Just fine ma'am, we just hit a ah. . .pocket of turbulence," we're . . .we're fine now. We'll meet you in three . . . three days," Harry shuttered. "That's two days, Harry," Janeway replied, looking over to her First Officer who was trying in vain to hide a smirk behind his hand. "Voyager out." "So, Kathryn," Chakotay replied in a hushed voice for her ears alone. "Does a pocket of turbulence cause a uniform top to be turned around on the body, so it's backwards?" "You know, I think things have just gotten much more complicated." "I think you're right," the First Officer replied. * * * * * * * It was two days before B'Elanna Torres was able to return to Paris' quarters. Lt. Joe Carey had more things for her to look over in Engineering. Plus, she had reports to write for Chakotay. She almost forgot about Tom Paris if it wasn't for his scent that stayed with her for the whole two days. B'Elanna thought back to their passionate night. She had never made love to anyone that way before. Tom seemed to encourage her to be aggressive. He never once told her to be human. Never once told her not to hurt him. For once, she actually enjoyed having sex. She felt full- filled and satisfied, yet she wanted more. B'Elanna smiled as she read over her reports. She could smell Paris' scent on her hands, and again she felt aroused. she berated herself, But a voice made her realize something else, B'Elanna glared at her reflection on the datapadd's screen, the voice asked, almost mockingly, B'Elanna knew the answer, but she didn't want to believe it. The only reason this could be happening to her was that Tom was destined to be her mate. She shook her head at that, but she knew better. she told herself, These thoughts and more had passed through her mind for the past two days. She didn't know what to do; she was confused about her feelings. She knew that Tom fulfilled a need that Kim never could. He also aroused her in a way that no man had ever been able to do. She had also caught his scent which meant something to her Klingon side. Finally, she decided it was time to talk to the very person that had ignited a fiery passion inside her. * * * * * * * Tom Paris was eating his lunch when his door chimed sounded. He got up and went to open the door. It slid open to reveal B'Elanna Torres. He stared at her, stunned. "I was beginning to think you forgot about me," he said, a slight twinkle in his eyes. B'Elanna smiled, glad to see his sense of humor again. She stepped around him, and entered his quarters. She saw a plate of pasta on the coffee table. She turned back around to look at him. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, but Engineering and reports kept me busy." Tom nodded and sat on his couch. He began to eat the pasta as she spoke. "I've been thinking about what happened between us, Tom," she stiffened when she saw him look at her. She continued under his fearful gaze. "You gave me something I thought I'd never have. I thought feeling like that was reserved for full-blooded Klingons." B'Elanna glanced at him. She was surprised to see the calm expression on his face, as if he was studying her. She looked away and stared at the floor. "You still feel guilty about what happened aren't you?" Tom asked, "You still think it was a mistake." She looked at him. There was a fire in his eyes, and she knew her eyes were aflame as well. She shook her head, and went to sit beside him. "It wasn't a mistake, Tom," she said, touching his shoulder, "It was incredible. I never had it like that before. The few times I had sex, the guy either wanted it soft and slow or hard and fast. I never enjoyed it either way." "What about with Harry?" Tom asked, staring at his food. He really didn't want to know, but his mouth had taken over again. "With Harry it was soft, as if he was afraid to enrage my Klingon passion. Tom, he didn't want to see my Klingon side. He's afraid of it." He looked at her then to see the frustration etched on her face. He touched her left cheek gently as he stared into her dark eyes. "He tried to suppress it?" Tom asked, knowing the answer, "I told him it was a part of you. I didn't want him to try to make you into something you're not." B'Elanna put her hand over his, "You can say it, Tom. He was trying to tame me. He didn't want me to hurt him when we...made love." She saw him flinch at the last words. He looked away and retracted his hand. She felt her heart ache and she stroked his hair. "I'm sorry, Tom," she began, but he shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he said softly, "I should just accept it and move on." "Tom, stop it!" B'Elanna snapped, getting his attention, "I want you to stop moping. I want....what did you say? Accept what?" Tom froze. He had slipped up and spoke his thought to her. *Damn it!* He thought. "This has something to do with Harry and I getting married, doesn't it?" At his nod, she continued, "You're afraid we'll ignore you; leave you out in the cold?" He looked at her, his blue eyes filling with tears, "You mean a lot to me, 'Lanna. I don't want to lose you." B'Elanna smiled sadly as she stroked his blonde hair. A tear slid down his left cheek, and she brushed it away. "You're not going to lose us, Tom," she said quietly, "You're family to us. We care about you very much. Harry was going to ask you to be his Best Man." Tom smiled, "I guess I messed that up. He wouldn't want a best man who's suicidal." She shook her head, "That's not true, Tom. I'm sure he would wait until you feel better before he asked anyone else." Tom nodded, knowing now that what he and B'Elanna had two nights before was a one time thing. He looked back at his plate and sighed. He should have know better. "Tom?" B'Elanna asked, stroking his hair soothingly. Tom shook his head and took his plate back to the replicator. He watched as the plate disappeared. he thought as a tear slid down his cheek. He closed his eyes as everything around him fell down upon him. B'Elanna watched as Tom stood silently by the replicator. She felt his sadness as her own eyes stung with tears. She stood up and went to him. She wrapped his arms around him from behind. She felt him tense then relax. She smiled as she breathed in his scent. She couldn't get enough of it. She couldn't get enough of him. She growled softly as she buried his face in his back. Tom turned around to face her. He wrapped his arms around her as he stared into her eyes. He was surprised and relieved to find the fire he had seen two days ago ignite again. He even became aroused as she buried his face in his chest and inhaled deeply. "Do you do that to Harry, or is it a Klingon thing?" Torres growled, "It's a Klingon thing, Tom. I have caught your scent. I never caught Harry's." "That's nice to know," Tom whispered as he bent over to inhale her scent. He was surprised to find that he grew more aroused just by the smell of her. He smiled as he ran his hands into her hair. He brought the dark strands closer to his nose and breathed deeply. B'Elanna smiled when she heard him growl. She felt the heat of her body rise just like it did two night before. *If someone can ignite your Klingon passion, B'Elanna then he is to be you mate,* her mother's words echoed in her mind. Now, she knew what they meant as she growled in response to Paris. Without warning, B'Elanna grabbed Tom's chin, and moved his head to the right. She then brought his head down toward her, and sank her teeth into his cheek. Tom yelped at the pain, but he also felt very aroused. When B'Elanna let him go, he stared at her in shock. He touched his cheek then looked at his fingers. They were covered in blood. B'Elanna growled her next words, "You are mine." He looked at her and saw a feral gleam in her dark eyes. She then smiled. It was her turn to yelp when Tom took her in his arms and devoured her mouth. She growled into the kiss as her tongue danced with his. She ran her hands into his hair trying to devour him as much as she could. Suddenly, B'Elanna spun him around then tripped him. They landed onto the floor. B'Elanna on top of Tom. She captured his mouth again as her hands explored his body. Tom broke the kiss, "How 'bout we try for the bed this time, 'Lanna? It's much more comfortable." B'Elanna stared at him. He could see she was highly aroused, and most likely wouldn't want to stop once they started. "Fine, Paris. The bed." B'Elanna stood up and headed toward the bedroom. She shrieked when Tom swept her off her feet and carried her to his bed. She yelped when he tossed her onto the bed. She watched in both awe and interest as Tom began to strip off his clothes. Her mouth became dry as he started with the dark brown shirt. He slipped it over his head, and with a flick of his wrist, tossed it toward his right. When he began to unbutton the matching pants, B'Elanna began to unfasten her uniform top. He slipped his pants down his legs as she took her off her undershirt. The two soon stared at each other in their underwear. B'Elanna crawled on all fours across the bed toward Tom. She got up on her knees, and grabbed his arms, bringing him closer to her. She ran her hands up his chest and over his shoulders reveling in the feel of his skin. She then ran he left hand into his hair and brought him down for a kiss. Tom wrapped his arms around her as he deepened the kiss. He slowly unfastened her bra, letting it fall off her shoulders. He kissed her shoulders then up to her neck. He heard her sigh as he took her bra the rest of the way off. He tossed it aside then slowly pushed her backdown on the bed. B'Elanna was both scared and aroused by the passion filled expression in Paris' eyes. She felt her temperature rise as he devoured her mouth. She ran her hands down his chest to his stomach. She gasped when she felt him caress her bare breasts. His hands were then replaced with his mouth. She arched her back, giving him more of her. Her eyes widened when his tongue swirled around her left breast. He then repeated the action to her other breast. Tom then took her mouth again. She ran her hands down his back as she deepened the kiss. Her hands met the waistband of his underwear and she slowly slid them off his hips then down his legs. Her passion peaked as she felt her underwear slid off her hips and down her legs. Soon there was nothing between them. Tom lowered himself onto B'Elanna. He ran his hands through her hair as she moved her hands over his back. Their tongues danced as their passion grew. B'Elanna growled into the kiss, and Tom took it as his cue. He positioned himself between her legs then slowly entered her. She moaned into the kiss before she moved her mouth to lock the bite she gave him. He nibbled her neck, and she growled deep within her. She moaned again as Tom began to move inside her. "Tom," she sighed as she wrapped her legs around his waist, driving him deeper into her. She dug her nails into his shoulders as his thrusts came faster. She heard him growl and this excited her even more. She moaned and growled as she neared the edge. She felt the heat of the fever increase with each thrust from Tom. "Lanna," Tom whispered in her ear. He nibbled her left cheek as he moved faster inside her. He never thought he could feel like this with a woman, let alone B'Elanna Torres. He loved the feel of her and he loved the way he was feeling. Suddenly, the nibbling turned into a bite. He heard B'Elanna yelp in pain and pleasure. The yelp then turned into a shout as she fell over the edge. Tom thrust one last time before he joined her. He called out her name as he released into her. "Gods," he thought as he came back to reality, "that was incredible." "You're welcome, Tom," B'Elanna said, stroking his hair. Tom chuckled as he realized he had spoken out loud. He gently kissed her forehead before he rolled off her. He gathered her in his arms then kissed her hair. "Thanks, 'Lanna," he whispered, "And you're welcome as well." B'Elanna smiled as she placed her head on his chest. She ran her right hand over his chest as she came to the realization that the blood fever was not a myth. She just had to find the right person to ignite it in her. She finally found him in the unlikely form of Tom Paris, but she hoped it wasn't too late to be with him. With these thoughts running through her mind, sleep claimed her. * * * * * * * Harry Kim maneuvered the shuttle safely into Voyager's shuttle bay. He set the shuttle down and sighed in relief. He then looked at Alera and smiled. "We're home," Kim said. He then got up and headed for the shuttle's door. Lerise tapped her commbadge, "Lerise to Engineering." "Carey here. Go ahead." "We brought the supplies. A lot of them can be used in Engineering." "Good. I'll send someone down shortly. Carey out." The link was cut and Alera turned to Harry. She stood up, and began to sort through the supplies. The whole time the past week went through her mind. She felt Kim's attraction to her. She also felt his guilt for even thinking that way. She smiled at the ensign's conflicting emotions. Soon, with the supplies sorted and divided, the two ensigns parted. Alera went to her quarters as Harry went to the Mess Hall. He was actually looking forward to eating Neelix' latest creation. When he entered the Mess Hall, he ran into the Captain and Chakotay. Kim felt the heat rise on his face as he remembered his appearance when Voyager called. Janeway and Chakotay smiled at the ensign. They passed by him, but before they exited, Chakotay turned and said: "Nice to see that you're looking better, Ensign." Kim's face turned redder as the Commander's parting words reached his ears. He could almost hear Chakotay laughing at his expense. He then shook the thought way and went to get some food. A few minutes later, Tom Paris entered the Mess Hall. Kim was surprised and relieved to see the pilot return to society. He waved Tom over to join him. "Glad to see you're feeling better," Harry said as Tom sat down, "You even look better." "Thanks," Tom said, pushing his fork around in the food. He then lifted his fork to his mouth. He made a face at the taste, and reached for his coffee. He took a long drink to wash the food and the taste down. "I'm sorry I had to leave, Tom," Kim said, picking at his food, "I didn't want to." "Harry, don't worry about it," Tom interrupted, "I understand you had to go. B'Elanna stayed with me." Harry smiled, "She's wonderful, isn't she?" Tom nodded in agreement, "When we weren't sniping at each other." "Glad to see you humor had returned." Tom returned the smile as he took another sip of his coffee. He stared at his food, and suddenly felt sick. "I guess I'm used to eating replicated food for two weeks." Kim chuckled, "I would say so." Tom nodded, "I need to get back to the Bridge, Harry. I'll see you later." Tom stood up, grabbed his tray then headed for the door. Kim noticed a bite mark on the pilot's left cheek. The ensign stared after him as Harry tried to contemplate where it could have come from. Suspicious, Kim got up and went to look for B'Elanna. * * * * * ** Tom stepped onto the Bridge and headed for the Conn. He nodded to Chakotay then eased himself into his chair. Behind him, Chakotay began thinking, "Mr. Paris," Chakotay said, getting the pilot's attention. Tom spun around, letting the Commander catch another glimpse of his left cheek. "Yes, Commander?" Tom asked, curious. Chakotay thought. Out loud, he said, "A word with you, please?" Chakotay stood up, and headed for the Ready Room. Tom followed, wondering what he had done now. When the door closed, the Commander turned around to face Tom. He stared at the younger man, seeing the bite mark on his pale face. "How did you get that wound on you face, Paris?" Tom's' left hand instantly went to his face. He felt the bite mark, and his eyes went wide. He stared at Chakotay, stunned. "Let's see if I can guess," Chakotay began, thoughtfully, "You developed a Klingon holoprogram where you have rough sex with the heroine and she bites you." Tom folded his arms across his chest and glared at Chakotay, "And I turned off the safeties so that the bite stays. Do you really think I'm like that? Do you really think I want to keep up with my wonderful reputation?" Chakotay noticed the venom in Paris' voice. He knew he had it a nerve. One that hurt deeply. "No, Tom," Chakotay said, shaking his head, "I know you're not that egotistical when it comes to your sexual relations. You pretty much would rather not discuss them." Tom still glared at him, "Then why bring it up at all?" Chakotay sighed and placed his hands behind his back. If it wasn't a holoprogram then there was only one other way he could have gotten the bite. He drew a deep breath and spoke, "I brought it up, because I wanted to know where you really got the mark. I was half-hoping that it was a holoprogram." "Well it wasn't, Chakotay, but you know that already, don't you?" You already knew where I got it even as you asked me in here." The Commander nodded, "You slept with B'Elanna, didn't you?" Tom stifled a sneer. It was really none of Chakotay's business, but the pilot nodded. "She's going to be married to Harry, Paris. What gave you the idea...." "I didn't force her, Chakotay!" Tom shouted, drawing a shocked expression from the Commander, "She wanted to.." "Klingon urges?" Chakotay asked. Tom nodded, and looked away. He knew what the Commander was thinking; that she only slept with him to quench the sexual urges that Harry couldn't. Maybe he was right, yet he hoped Chakotay was wrong. "Tom, go to Sickbay and have that bite mark healed." Tom glared at him, "What!?" Chakotay held up his hands, "It could get infected, Paris. I'm only thinking of your health." Tom snarled, "You're thinking about what people would say about B'Elanna. You think they'll believe she's having an affair with me before she's even married. You don't want her to see me! You want to see me suffer!" Chakotay stared at Tom. When he saw the pilot turn to leave, he grabbed the pilot's arm and turned him around. He looked into the pain-filled blue eyes, and realized why Paris had tried to kill himself. "You're in love with B'Elanna, aren't you?" Tom sighed and nodded, "I have been for awhile now." Chakotay let go of his arm and spoke, "And you didn't tell her, because you were afraid she wouldn't believe you." Tom nodded again as he stared at the floor. Even after the past couple days, the thought of that statement being true still hurt. He felt the sting of tears building up, but he refused to let them fall. "And the announcement of Harry and B'Elanna's engagement was too much for you." "Yes, Chakotay," Tom said, looking back at him, "My actions following were because of it, but not all of it. You can think whatever you want, Commander. I'm going to Sickbay." Chakotay let him go. He was shocked by what the young pilot admitted. he thought, Chakotay shook his head as he returned to the bridge. * * * * * * * Harry Kim found B'Elanna Torres in Engineering. He went over to her, and cleared his throat. When she looked at him, he spoke. "I would like to talk to you for a moment." B'Elanna looked at him curiously, then said, "Sure. My office?" Harry nodded and followed her into her office. When the door closed, he began. "I saw Tom today. He looks much better than he did a week or even two weeks ago. I thought he finally got over what has been bothering him. Then when he got up to leave, I noticed a bite mark on his left cheek." B'Elanna tried to hide her surprise. She thought he would have gotten it healed before he went anywhere. She was also pleased that he didn't get it healed. "The only way he could have gotten it," Harry continued, "was that you bit him. Did you?" B'Elanna folded her arms across her chest as she stared at him defiantly, "So, what if I did?" Harry's eyes opened wide and his jaw dropped, "Why?" B'Elanna's' eyes flashed, "Because, I was having urges that you did not satisfy! He allowed me to be myself. He let me be aggressive. He let me quench the thirst I had!" "So, Tom satisfied your Klingon side," Kim said, "Does that mean every time you have these urges you'll run to him to quench them?" B'Elanna snarled. How dare he think they could mate or still get married. She did not want to have to run to Tom every time Kim couldn't satisfy her. "If you'd let me express myself, allowed me to let me enjoy myself instead of worrying if I was hurting you, I wouldn't have had to run to someone else!" Harry's jaw dropped. He was about to say something when his commbadge beeped. "Janeway to Kim." "Kim here," he tried to suppress his shock of the news he was just given. "Please report to the Bridge. You're ten minutes late." "I'm on my way. Kim out." He cast one last glance at Torres before he left Engineering. B'Elanna growled deeply then went back to work. She was angry, and she snapped at anyone who was insane enough to bother her. Soon, her crew did their best to avoid her. Chapter 10 " . . . and so next week we'll perform a system-wide diagnostic . .of . . .the entire . . . damn," B'Elanna sputtered as she squirmed in her seat during her weekly staff meeting "on the entire. . . power distribution . . . .system." "Something wrong, Chief?" Carey asked as he noticed her trying to rub her back against the back of the chair she was sitting in. "It's just that I got an itch in the middle of my back that I just can't reach, and can't seem to get rid of," she explained as she turned her back toward Joe Carey. "How about scratching it for me?" "Ah sure . . ." he replied. What could he say? Joe tentatively reached out his hand and began scratching her back while the rest of the staff looked on. "A littler more to the right, Joe. No maybe a little bit further down," she instructed almost with a little purr in her voice. The sensation of that itch finally being relieved, if only momentarily, was near heaven. True heaven was reserved for time she had spent alone with Tom Paris lately. "Is that better?" he asked as he removed his hand. B'Elanna signed. "Yes, much better thank you. Ever since last night the middle of my back . . ." she started to explain until she noticed that everyone in the meeting was focusing on her. "Like I said, we'll perform a full diagnostic. "Sue, I want you and Vorik to start the procedure on your next shift and if . . . all goes well . . . we should be able . . . to finish it inside of a week. Damn it," she complained as she fidgeted in her chair again. "Joe, would you mind scratching it again?" "Of course, you know you should get this checked out with the Doctor. Maybe you're allergic to something," he suggested as he resumed scratching that elusive itch that just wouldn't go away. "Yeah, that might be a good idea but it'll have to wait until later today, I've got too . . . ahhhh . . . much going on right now." Later that day at lunch, B'Elanna left Engineering momentarily to go to the Mess Hall. The itch still hadn't gotten any better, in fact if anything it seemed to be worse. All morning long, she had enlisted the aid of her staff to scratch her back until she could tell they were trying to avoid her. After that, she would rub her back up against any available console which elicited odd looks and out-of-earshot snickers from the other engineers. And to top all that off, about mid-morning she began feeling slightly nauseous. This was not one of her better days. B'Elanna grabbed her tray, and maneuvered through the tables until she noticed that Chakotay was waving at her to join him and the Captain. Setting her tray beside the First Officer she sat down but not before she tried to wiggle her hand up behind her back and try and reach that itch again. "Do you need some help, Lieutenant?" the Captain asked rather amused at the contortions B'Elanna was resorting to to try and achieve relief. "No that's okay . . . well, on second thought, Commander, if you could just scratch my back," she replied and turned her back toward the First Officer. "No, not at all." The look on B'Elanna's face reflected pure relief. "That's it Chakotay just a smidgen further to the left and a little harder. Ahhh . . . thanks." "Feeling better?" he asked. "Much, at least for awhile, as soon as I leave here, I'm going right down to see the Doctor to see if he can get me something for this miserable itch." After lunch was over, which she hardly touched, and with a few more back scratches courtesy of the First Officer, B'Elanna left for Sickbay grumbling, and pausing every few meters to rub her back up against a doorway. She was still grousing to herself as she walked into Sickbay. "Ah, Ms. Torres, what can I do for you?" The EMH replied brightly right after she entered Sickbay. "I've got this terrible itch in the middle of my back," she explained as she tried again to reach it with her fingers. "In the middle of your back, you say," the Doctor said as the grabbed his medical tricorder. "No other place? Your hands, your toes, your arms?" B'Elanna, by now, had reached the end of her rope. "I SAID THE MIDDLE OF BY BACK!" "Well, then let's see," he said as he waved the tricorder over her body. "Tell me, Lieutenant, have you been experiencing any other symptoms?" "Well, I have been tired and a bit nauseous the last day or so why?" she answer warily. "Well, Ms. Torres, I have the happy task to inform you that you're pregnant," he said smugly, quite pleased with himself as this wasn't a diagnosis that he made regularly on Voyager. "Pregnant?! You've got to be kidding, let me look at that tricorder," she said threateningly as the approached the EMH. "Trust me, Ms. Torres, you're pregnant, in fact," he added as he quickly scanned her again then punched a series of buttons, "It looks like you conceived about one-week ago," A smile of confidence broke upon the Doctor's face, but when he saw the dangerous look on B'Elanna's face he realized what he had just said. If that were the case with Harry on an extended away mission, Harry couldn't possibly be the father. "Oh, no that can't be right, let me run that test again." The Doctor ran it again, not once, but twice. "I'm sorry B'Elanna there must be something wrong with the tricorder, it is still registering that you are one week pregnant. "How can that be? I saw him . . ." "Well, you know, the little bee flies along until he sees a beautiful flower, then the little bee . . ." he started to explain, but quickly stopped when he noticed the murderous intent in her dark eyes. "Doctor, I'm NOT in the mood for humor. As I started to say before I was interrupted," she growled. "I saw him receive his birth control booster myself, I was in here at the time," she said as she paced back and forth. "Saw who?" B'Elanna turned her back and walked away angrily. "Ms. Torres, who did you see get the booster? I have to know this so I can inform that individual that there is something wrong, and I can administer another booster," he told her. Listen if you don't want to, you don't have to tell me, all I've got to do is adjust the tricorder to scan for the DNA of the fetus and then cross index the medical files of all . . ." "If you must know, it's Tom Paris' baby," she answered him in a small voice. "But, I saw you inject him with his birth control booster myself. I was in here at the time. It was when I broke my ankle on that away mission. It must have been about oh nine months ago." "Yes, I believe you're right, but it's definitely his, so let me review the records. Why don't you sit down and here, he said as he handed her one of his longer medical instruments that she put to good use on her back. The Doctor reviewed his data and when he came upon an interesting item, he nodded his head. "It appears, Lieutenant, that during Mr. Paris transformation during the Warp 10 trials, that the booster was rendered ineffective. I'm sorry at the time I didn't think to check on his booster." "Well, at least we know how it happened." she said. "But Doc this still doesn't explain why my back is so itchy." The Doctor looked up from the datapadd he had been looking at. "Of course it does, B'Elanna. Didn't your mother ever tell you that this is a symptom of Klingon pregnancy? The Klingon half of you is causing your back to itch and your human half is responsible for your nausea." "No, mother never liked to talk about those things, she just assumed that I'd learn about it in health class at school, but living on Kessik we were the only Klingons so the classes didn't cover Klingon physiology." The Doctor just shook his head not believing that a mother would tell her daughter so little about the facts of life. "But what can you do about the itching Doctor. If I have to endure this until the baby is born, I'm going to go insane," she pleaded as the deftly moved the medical instrument up and down her back in order to relieve the prickly discomfort. "So you plan on keeping this baby -- Tom's baby?" the Doctor asked. Realizing what she had just said her hand stilled for a minute as the decision she subconsiously made sunk in. "Yes, Doctor, I'm keeping this baby." "And Harry?" "I've got a lot of things I need to resolve regarding Harry," she explained. "But, I'm keeping this baby." "I'm glad to hear that. Now about the itching. It is a hormonal reaction of Klingon pregnancy. There are a number of treatments that we could try. Some Klingon medical journals say that a certain Klingon herb -- Y'tiQ -- relieves the itch. But we don't have any here and Y'tiQ is extremely difficult to replicate, so that isn't a viable solution. Then there's a cortisone ointment that we could apply, in fact I'll give you some, it'll help relieve the itching at least temporarily, you can use it while you work, but . . ." "But what, Doctor, don't leave me hanging. What!!" "Well the best remedy of all is that the father scratch your back both literally and figuratively. It was thought once to be a myth, but it has been proven that the scent that your mate secretes, in particular while -- ah hem . . ." "Doctor are you alright?" she asked noticing the look of discomfort on the EMH's face. "Of course I am, it's just that the scent is even more effective during actual sexual intercourse." "You're kidding me right?" "No I'm actually very serious. For you to achieve relief, it is advised that at a minimum you and Mr. Paris spend as much time as possible *together*. And for those times when . . . ahem . . . you can't be *together*, he should see you often so you can inhale his scent and so he can literally scratch your back." B'Elanna didn't know what to say. she mused as a smile lit her lips. "So I suggest you think about what I just told you," he suggested as he handed her the cortisone cream. "And regarding the nausea, if it gets worse let me know and I can give you something for that." "Yes, I do have a lot of thinking to do and thank you. But remember, if you so much as such anything to anybody." B'Elanna threatened pointing her finger at him. "Ethically, my program won't let me. You can be assured that your secret is save with me. It's your business if you decide to tell anyone or not. But in a few months everyone will know you're pregnant anyway." She contemplated what he had told her as she left Sickbay. Maybe until she could speak with Tom she could assign someone from Engineering to back scratching detail, she pondered. As soon as she left the Doctor retreated to his office to file his medical report on B'Elanna's condition. She had no sooner left, Tom Paris came through the door. "Doc, I'm here for my weekly checkup," Tom announced as soon as the door slid shut behind him. The Doctor waved to him from inside his office acknowledging his presence. Seeing that the Doctor was busy with an apparent medical report, Tom sat down on the nearby biobed and pulled off his uniform top as had been the custom over the last several weeks and waited for him to come out. After fifteen minutes, Tom was becoming more and more restless and putting his own medical training to use decided he could at least scan himself for the Doctor and eliminate some of the time spent in Sickbay. He reached for the medical tricorder that rested on the nearby table and turned it on. He was in the process of saving the data displayed and reinitializing it for his own scan, when two words caught his attention "Torres" and "Pregnant." Before he could read any further though, the Doctor's hand plucked the device from his hands. It took all of his experience with donning protective masks and erecting walls around himself not to let the EMH know that he had accidently read the previous prognosis. Tom thought * * * * * * * After finishing up her shift in Engineering, B'Elanna immediately returned to her quarters, but not after bringing her favorite extension wrench with her. If she tilted her hand back in just the right direction, the wrench served as a fairly good backscratcher. Of course she knew what she had to do, but it didn't make it any easier. She knew the honorable thing to do would be to tell Tom of her condition and that he was going to be a father. Of course, B'Elanna thought, if she had been honorable to begin with she wouldn't be in this position now, but she knew that was no excuse for continuing along that course. She had already made one mistake. 'But which mistake might that be?' she conscious asked. Was the mistake sleeping with Tom Paris or telling Harry that she loved him and would marry him? Chakotay told her once that certain things were fated in life, whether they seemed that way at the time or not. He said that you had no choice but to follow that predestined path but you had to follow it with honesty. Honesty not only to yourself but to others around you. It was with that old advice still resounding in her head that she send a message to Tom Paris to meet her in Holodeck Two at 1800 hours. Chapter 11 Tom sat in his room the rest of the afternoon after coming back from Sickbay. The Doctor told him with the oddest grin on his face that he was in much better health and that whatever he was doing to keep it up it was good for him. If the Doctor only knew what he had been doing. He had been having the best sex in his life with the woman of his dreams. The woman that was not only still engaged to his best friend but today he had learned that she was pregnant. He had made love to his best friend's pregnant fiance. What if Chakotay knew that? Then he'd really have something to talk to him about. He was still thinking about what he had learned when his message console beeped. He went over to look at it and noticed that B'Elanna had asked to meet him at Holodeck Two in a couple of hours with a request that he call up the program they had been using last time. he thought two hours later as the pensively walked the corridor's of Voyager en route to the holodecks. Tom was sitting near the mist of the waterfall feeling the coolness of the air, when he felt a hand upon his shoulder. Looking up, he saw B'Elanna had finally joined him. He had been thinking about what to say all the while he waited for her but the words were now lost as he looked into her dark eyes. "Tom, I need . . . we need to . . . " Seeing the anxiety written on her face, he felt compelled to help her with this difficult discussion. "Sit down, B'Elanna, relax. I know. You don't have to tell me," he started to explain, his eyes reflected his sadness. "You know. How? The Doctor. I knew I should have . . ." "No, B'Elanna, it wasn't the Doctor, I inadvertently glanced at the medical tricorder he used on you. He grabbed it away from me pretty quickly, but not before I found out about your condition," he explained looking at the waterfall, not able to look at her. He could pull this off he figured if he just didn't look at her. Tom took a deep breath before he could continue. "I suppose congratulations are in order. You and Harry will make wonderful parents," he blurted out as he turned away from her to leave the program. After she left, he would delete this program permanently from the files. "Me? Harry?" B'Elanna sputtered as she quickly intercepted him before he left. "No Tom, you're wrong. Harry's not the father. It's you. You're the father." "Me?" he asked pointing at himself. "Me? That's impossible, I've had my booster. I can't be a father," he argued. "Yes, you can." B'Elanna explained all that the Doctor had told her about how his birth control had been rendered ineffective during the Warp 10 experiments. "So it's *my* baby?" he asked as he clutched her by her upper arms. "Really it's mine?" "Yes, Tom, it's yours and I plan on keeping it." "But you? Harry? Oh, damn, B'Elanna, I am sorry," he replied realizing what hell she must be going through. "I'll take care of Harry, it's obvious that I can't marry . . .him . . . now. Damn," B'Elanna muttered and she leaned against his chest, tilted her head up towards his neck and inhaled his scent. "Tom could you scratch my back please?" "Ah sure. Of course I'll scratch your back. What's the problem? Allergies?" "No, it's more like hormones," she explained, finally feeling some relief from the itching. "Specifically Klingon hormones -- Oh that's good Tom don't stop -- Klingon women's backs become very itchy during their pregnancy. "Can't the Doctor give you something to relieve the itching?" he asked as he continued to scratch and she continued to breathe in his aroma. "Well if we were on the Klingon homeworld I could get an herb that might help unfortunately it doesn't replicate well -- kind of like your tomato soup." Tom nodded that he understood. "The Doc did give some cream to help when I was in Engineering, but . . oh Tom I don't know how to tell you this." Tom's hand stilled on her back. "Well we've been through a lot later 'Lanna. Just tell me." "Scratch Tom, scratch!" she ordered. "Well you asked, remember that. It's like this . . . um it's like . . ." Finally she pulled his head down to her mouth and whispered what the solution to the Klingon pregnancy itches was. Tom's eyes got as big around as saucers and pulled her away from his ear so that he could look into her face. "You're not serious. That's the only solution?" "That's what the Doctor says. But it's okay. I can understand if you don't want . . ." "Don't want to? B'Elanna you can't be serious. You're the most exciting and enticing woman I've ever been with. Believe me it is no hardship." B'Elanna smiled widely. "I was hoping you would say that, but there has to be some ground rules set up," she warned. "I don't care you make up the rules and I'll follow them," he replied holding up one hand. "Scout's honor." "You were a scout?" she questioned. "I was a little Boy Scout for all of two weeks before I got kicked out . . . but don't ask it still brings up bad memories," he said solemnly with a little evil grin. "O--kay. The rules are this. No one is to know about us. And I mean no one, not even the Captain. Okay we may have to tell the Doctor, but absolutely no one else. You can come to my quarters say a couple hours after Beta shift starts and leave well before Gamma shift ends, and no one had better see you. Do I make myself clear?" "Like crystal, B'Elanna. Like crystal. So tonight, say 2100 hours? She just smiled. She'd was sure she'd look forward to the evening. "Now all I have to do is tell Harry." "Not without me you don't," he answered all of a sudden feeling very protective of the little mother. * * * * * * * * Harry Kim sat in the Mess Hall, staring off into space. It had been three days since he had the argument with B'Elanna in Engineering. He still couldn't understand why she had slept with Tom. One thought had been that she felt sorry for him, but he had dismissed that thought at once. *B'Elanna wouldn't lie to me,* Kim thought, taking a sip of his drink, *It was the Klingon urges that caused her to sleep with my best friend. I just wish she told me about these urges sooner. I would have helped.* Kim shook his head at that. He knew he wouldn't be able to help her. She needed to vent her sexual aggressive urges, and he just couldn't do that. The ensign jumped when he heard his name. He looked up to see Tom Paris standing over him. Beside him was B'Elanna. He looked from one to the other then asked, "What is it?" Tom looked at B'Elanna, who nodded. He then looked back at Harry, and answered, "We need to talk. In private." Harry stared at B'Elanna, who nodded, "It's important." "Alright. My quarters?" The two agreed and they left the Mess Hall. * * * * * * Harry led them into his quarters. He sat down on the couch as Tom took a seat in the chair. B'Elanna stood in the middle of the room, a bit uneasy. She didn't know how Kim would take the news, but she knew he wouldn't like it. Kim looked at B'Elanna then to Tom. He looked back at B'Elanna, who was staring at him. "What's this about, B'Elanna?" He asked. B'Elanna looked at Tom, who nodded. She took a deep breath and spoke, "Harry, I'm pregnant." Kim's eyes lit up and he smiled. He stood up and went over to B'Elanna. He hugged her close as he spoke, "That's wonderful, B'Elanna. We're going to be parents, and before our wedding!" B'Elanna broke the embrace and shook her head. She backed away, staring at him. "I'm only one week pregnant, Harry," B'Elanna said, "The baby is Tom's." Harry glared at her then at Tom, "How could you, Tom! You were just waiting for a chance to be alone with her, weren't you!? I thought you were my friend. I was actually concerned about you!" B'Elanna put her hands on Kim's shoulders to get his attention. Kim glared at her, and shook out of her grasp. "That's not fair, Harry!" She growled, "Tom would never betray you like that. I wanted to sleep with him. I caught his scent and I couldn't stop the urges that kept building." "I would never do anything like that, B'Elanna. I would never betray your trust." B'Elanna smiled mischievously, "What about that little scene in the shuttle where you had your hair in a mess and your uniform on backwards? Rumors are running rampant." Harry blushed deeply. He looked at Tom, who was trying to stifle a laugh. The ensign smiled as he remembered how he ended up in that situation. He had urges of his own that needed to be satisfied. He looked back at B'Elanna and nodded. "Touche, B'Elanna," Kim said, "So I guess you are keeping the baby?" B'Elanna nodded, "I'm also going to need Tom's help, Harry. We obviously can't marry. It wouldn't be right to any of us." Kim nodded and embraced her for one last time. In a sense he was relieved. Now, he could pursue Alera. He was also relieved that Tom would be back to normal. *Alera was right,* Kim mused, *Tom will be all right. He needs B'Elanna more than I do. Besides, he knows her better than I do, and can give her what she needs.* Kim released B'Elanna and smiled. He then went to Tom, who had sat quietly the whole time. He looked into the blue eyes that were brighter and full of life than they were a week ago. "Take care of her, Tom," Kim said, "I know she'll take care of you." Tom smiled and stood up. He gave the ensign a brotherly hug. "I will, Harry," Tom whispered. *I will, because I love her.* Chapter 12 Two days later, Tom Paris walked out of his quarters with his duffle bag over one shoulder. He walked briskly toward the nearest turbolift. He had never felt more wanted and needed in all his life. He felt like he could fly all the way to B'Elanna's quarters. As he turned the corner to the turbolift, he caught a crewman's attention. She gave him an odd look as she noticed his duffle bag. He smiled at her, and continued on his way. She continued to watch him curiously until she ran into a wall. Tom tapped the call button for the lift and waited. He looked over to his left, and saw Ensign Mark Terre coming toward him. The middle-aged Maquis gave him a weird look as he walked up to the pilot. "Moving, Paris?" He asked, pointing at the bag. Tom looked at the bag and smiled, "You could say that." Terre gave his a smug grin, "Who is it this time?" Tom chuckled as the door opened, "I'm not telling, Ensign." The doors closed on the Maquis' surprised expression. Tom softly laughed at the ensign's expense. *Oh, this is going to be interesting.* Tom rang the door chime to B'Elanna's quarters. The door slid open and he quickly stepped in. "Finally, you're here," B'Elanna said from the couch, "Scratch my back. Now." "You're not even going to let me unpack, first?" Tom asked, smiling. B'Elanna smiled back and stood up. She went to him, grabbed his right hand, and placed it on the small of her back. She growled deeply then sighed when he began to scratch her back. "Feel better?" He asked, kissing her forehead. She purred her answer as she wrapped her arms around him. She ran her hands through his hair, and brought his face down for a kiss. Their tongues danced as the pilot continued to scratch her back. B'Elanna then broke the kiss and purred in his ear, "Let's go to bed, Tom. You can unpack tomorrow." Tom growled his approval, and followed her into her bedroom. The next day, he remembered a feeling of adolescent giddiness the first clandestine night they spent together. It was a giddiness that had been accompanied with a previously unknown feeling of utter contentment and happiness. To him, he wasn't just having sex with B'Elanna, he was making love to her and it was just incredible. He wasn't sure if she would call it making love, but that was how he felt. * * * * * * * * * * Over the next few days, Harry and B'Elanna announced that they had broken off the engagement. The rumor mill had a field day with that news. Crew members wondered why they had broken up. Some believed Torres had enough of Kim's greenness; while others believed that Kim realized he did not like her Klingon side after all. Still others believed that one of them fell in love with someone else. Most of the crew noticed that they both took the break up well. If anything, they were much happier. B'Elanna seemed to glow whenever she entered the Mess Hall or Engineering. She was even calmer around her staff, except when demanding that they scratch her back. What surprised most people was the demeanor of one Tom Paris. He also seemed to glow whenever he walked onto the Bridge or the Mess Hall. He even visited Sandrine's again. He was also sometimes seen in the company of one B'Elanna Torres. The rumor mill went wild with that. Everything was covered from a three-way relationship with Harry Kim to Paris having an affair with Torres. Some even believed he stole her from Kim. But no one really knew the whole story. * * * * * * * In the midst of all the wild rumors, Tom treasured each time he and B'Elanna made love, and all the other moments they spent in between, whether it was simply talking to each other about their day or just holding her while she slept. Tom Paris for a change was a happy man. He was realistic though and knew that her pregnancy wasn't forever. He also knew that he had to prepare himself for the end when she would no longer need what he could provide. But, he was also resolved that these thoughts wouldn't interfere with his current happiness. He was determined to relish every moment he spent with B'Elanna right until the end, and after -- after there would be the child -- their child. Even if B'Elanna wouldn't let him be part of *her* life after their baby was born, he was bound and determined to be part of the *child's* life. * * * * * * * * * B'Elanna's needs, though didn't always occur when it was convenient, sometimes despite the cream the Doctor had prescribed the only thing to quell the itching was Tom Paris, which she greatly preferred anyway. The two of them worked out a rather ingenious system to accomplish mid-day cravings. Tom was just about ready to leave the bridge to go to lunch one day, when a message flashed across his terminal: <> Which if anyone saw it, would assume that there was indeed a problem in Engineering that required his attention, but what it really meant was: "I'm itching like crazy and need *it* bad, meet you in my office as soon as you are available." Tom had no more stepped foot in Engineering when B'Elanna called out from her office. "Paris, is that you? Come in here and see this. I don't know what you've been doing to the helm controls, but there's going to be hell to pay if you do it again!" Paris glanced at the couple of engineers, who still hadn't gone to lunch, and gave them a shrug of his shoulders as if saying 'What's got into her?' Their only reply was to distance themselves further from their Chief's office not wanting to catch her eye and her wrath, they'd leave that to the pilot. Lately, it seemed as if he had done nothing, but upset the half-Klingon. "What's the matter with you, Torres . . ." he bellowed on cue as he entered her domain, slammed the soundproof door, and carefully locked it. No sooner then the door was shut and locked, B'Elanna launched herself at the pilot, frantically undoing the fasteners on his uniform, so she could pull off his uniform top, bottom, and finally his briefs in between desperate wet kisses. Tom, at the same time, was performing the same service for B'Elanna, until both were still kissing, but completely nude. "I need you so badm, Tom. The itching has been driving me crazy all morning," she pleaded. With a throaty growl, she pushed him down on the deck. "Please Tom, I can't wait, please . . . please." "You're wish is my command, milady," Tom whispered in her ear. He then flipped her over, and thrust into her. "Aaaah, oh yes, oh yes!" B'Elanna joined him in the age old rhythm, her nostrils flaring as she instinctively deeply inhaled his scent. "Oh Tom, don't stop, please don't stop." Tom simply answered her by increasing his tempo until finally with one last mighty thrust, they climaxed together, and he collapsed upon her. B'Elanna ran her fingers through his golden hair, and murmured her thanks. While it wasn't the words of love he longed to hear, it still made him feel needed, and at least for a short while, that was enough to make a difference. "Better now, 'Lanna?" he asked finally, his cerulean eyes seeking the rich chocolate eyes of the lady beneath him. "Ummm, much. If it wasn't for you, I swear I'd go insane. Simply insane," she purred. "Much better, it was wonderful." she found herself thinking. "But Tom, I think you had better clean up, and grab at bite to eat or you'll be late for the start of the afternoon shift. I replicated you a sandwich and a cup of coffee it's over on the table." "Thanks. After last night, I hope you asked for extra caffeine in the coffee," he replied, remembered a few similar experiences they shared the night before. He arose from the floor and helped her up. She handed him a wet cloth and a dry towel, and took a set for herself, so they could clean up before they dressed. "And next time you think you want to fiddle with the navigation controls, you had better check with me first!!!" B'Elanna screamed at him as he hightailed it out of her office a few minutes later, trying to give his best sheepish impression to the engineers who had just returned from their lunch. Yes, it took a little bit of ingenuity, but so far this arrangement was working out very well. Tonight, all he had to do was to make sure no one saw him and he'd just slip into her room and she'd welcome him into her bed and he would happily satisfy her needs until she had achieved enough relief to fall asleep for the night. The next morning, they would have another passionate union combined with a liberal does of the cortisone cream which would generally keep the itching under control until the evening. Occasionally, like today, when the hormones raged, she would call him and request his company. A request that he never refused. * * * * * * Alera Lerise entered Harry Kim's quarters only to stop short. The lights were dim, and on the coffee table was dinner with two candles. Alera smiled and went over to the couch. She sat down, and saw the meal laid out before her. It was Chinese food, something they both loved. She leaned over and smelled the aroma drifting up into the air. "I see you like it," Kim's voice came to her ears. She jumped and looked at the Ensign. She smiled and nodded at his statement. "What's with the lighting, Harry?" She asked, innocently, but her eyes held an impish sparkle. Kim smiled and went to sit beside her on the couch. He looked at the food and answered, "Oh, just something Tom advised me once. He said if you want to tell a girl something big to make sure you have the right lighting. I thought I'd follow his advise." Alera smiled and began to eat. Harry watched her a bit then ate his own meal. They ate in silence for awhile before Harry spoke. "How long do you think Tom has been in love with B'Elanna?" Alera shrugged, "For awhile I suppose. He probably didn't think she felt the same, so he never said anything." Kim stared at his food. He shook his head in dismay, "It must be terrible to love someone, and see them with someone else." Alera nodded, "Tom's with her now, Harry. He probably has told her he loves her by now." Harry smiled and looked at her, "She *is* carrying his child." Alera's eyes widened, "You're kidding? When did this happen?!" "Apparently while we were on the away mission. B'Elanna's Klingon side asserted itself, and the thing she wanted most was sex. He seemed to satisfy her more than I could." Alera frowned, and took his hand, "I'm sorry, Harry. I know how much you loved her." Harry shook his head, "If I truly loved her, I wouldn't have tried to change her by suppressing her Klingon side. Tom even knew better, and he tried to tell me that! He loves her more than I ever could. Klingon side and all. B'Elanna deserves him." Alera squeezed his hand, "Don't berate yourself, Harry. You didn't know. Tom should have told B'Elanna sooner that he loved her. Even if she didn't believe him, it would have given her something to consider." Harry nodded and looked at her. He smiled and she returned it. "Well, I don't want to wait as long as Tom did. I have fallen in love with you, Alera." Alera's sparkled, "I know. I'm Betazoid after all. I love you too, Harry." Kim smiled. He then went into his pocket of his tan pants, and brought out a small box. He got down on one knee, and took her left hand in his. He opened the box and heard Alera gasp. "Harry, it's beautiful!" harry grinned, "Alera Lerise, will you marry me?" Alera stared into Kim's eyes. They were filled with love and wonder. She smiled and nodded. "Great!" harry said, ecstatic. He placed the ring on her finger. He then stood up and kissed her. "I hope you won't wear red leather to the wedding," he said. Alera laughed, "That's for Klingons, Harry. Betazoids perform their weddings in the nude." His eyes bulged and she laughed hysterically. * * * * * Sandrine's was crowded that night, though people weren't talking about rumors. They were all discussing the party Lerise and Kim were hosting. They were all wondering the reason for such a gathering. A few, though knew the reason. Tom and B'Elanna, for instance. They were the first people Harry and Alera told. The two were thrilled for their friends. The two promised to be present for the engagement party. The two were standing together, though not close enough for anyone to speculate about their relationship. They talked quietly as they waited for Kim and Lerise to announce their engagement. Tom stared around the room, thinking back to another engagement party six months ago. He remembered standing in the same place he was now, looking across the room at the one he loved. He remembered how he felt as he watched Kim kiss B'Elanna. He shook his head at the memory, and looked at the woman, who stood next to him. B'Elanna was standing next to him now, while another woman was next to Harry. He never seemed happier until now. "I can't believe it's been six months since Harry and I announced our engagement." Tom winced at that and looked away. It still hurt to know that he almost lost the love of his life to someone else. He still didn't really know where he stood with her, though. B'Elanna seemed to sense the pilot's discomfort, "I'm sorry, Tom. It was cruel of me to bring that up." Tom looked at her and shook his head, "It's alright, 'Lanna. It was just a slip of the tongue." B'Elanna smiled, "Speaking of slipping of the tongue..." Tom grinned when he saw the fire in her dark eyes, and the meaning of her words. He moved his head slightly to indicate that they were not alone. "What would people say?" She shook her head, smiling, "I meant later, Tom. Not now." He winked at her, and sipped his champagne. B'Elanna smiled. It was a complete contrast to what happened six months ago. She rather liked the change. At that point, there was a slight echo of a spoon hitting a glass. Everyone turned toward the noise to see Kim tapping on his glass. He smiled and spoke: "Thank you all for coming. I will make this brief, so you can get back to partying." Laughter went through the crowd. It died down when Janeway cleared her throat. Kim then continued. "Tonight, I want you all to meet my bride-to-be" Ensign Alera Lerise." The shy blonde stepped up next to Kim. She looked around the room as cheers went up. Her eyes then fell on one person. A deep warmth went through her as she met the blue eyes of Tom Paris. He was standing next to B'Elanna Torres, who was smiling. Alera smiled at Tom, who smiled back, raising his glass in her direction. she thought as she gave Kim a kiss, * * * * * * One day a couple of months later, someone in Engineering noticed that B'Elanna's stomach was a bit more pronounced than before, and correctly assumed that she was pregnant. Soon everyone on the ship were buzzing with the news. The news finally reached the Chief Engineer's ears and she angrily hunted for the person who told the ship. Though she snarled at the guilty ensign and threatened her, B'Elanna admitted that she was pregnant, but she refused to say by who. The rumors went flying again and bets were made. A few believed that it was Harry's which somehow led to the break up. Others believed it was someone else's. No one was clear on who, so bets were placed on just about every male on the ship. A small few believed it was by artificial insemination. Chakotay was quite interested in all this. He visited Sandrine's often which was where most of the rumors started and were kept going. He was sitting at a table listening to one particular rumor about who the father of B'Elanna's' baby was. He almost wanted to laugh. "Come on, Terre. She did have a crush on him before." Terre snorted, "Dan, that was all it was, a crush. Besides, he's too old for her. He's more of a father or older brother to her." "Then if it's not Chakotay, who?" "I don't know. One thing's for sure it's not Harry. Also, I think she's picky about who she sleeps with. She's very Klingon when it comes to who she chooses." "Then it's someone who is honorable and can handle her in bed. So who's that beside Chakotay and Kim?" "Well, it's not Tom Paris. He might be able to handle her Klingoness, but honorable?" Chakotay stifled a laugh. If they only knew. *Paris is quite honorable,* he thought, *He's saved this ship many times. He's saved our lives many times over. * He shook his head, and stood up. He needed to talk to Paris. If anyone knew who the father was, he would. * * * * * * * * Tom Paris walked down the corridor to Sandrine's. He just finished another back-scratching session with B'Elanna, and he wanted to take a breather. Not that he minded at all. In fact, he quite enjoyed it. The only bad part was that he was tired after only a few days. Tom was deep in thought, and he didn't noticed the Commander walking up to him until Chakotay grabbed his arm. He spun around to stare at Chakotay. "Tom, I want to talk to you." The pilot folded his arms and nodded, "All right." Chakotay smiled, "Relax, Tom, I just want to know how you're feeling. How are you taking the break-up of Harry and B'Elanna." Tom smiled, "The break-up was mutual, Commander. As to how I'm feeling; I'm feeling much better. Actually, better than ever." Chakotay nodded, "Have you heard the latest rumors about B'Elanna?" Tom's' eyes darkened, "I have nothing to do about those." "I know, Tom. I just wanted to know if you can tell me who the real father of the baby is." Tom smiled smugly. He shook his head, and went back toward the holodeck. Chakotay stared after him, his expression was that of surprise. He didn't know what to think about that mysterious smile. He shook his head and went to the Bridge. *He knows and he not talking. That means only one thing. Tom's the father.* Chakotay smiled as entered the turbolift, *Well, if he wants to keep it a secret, so will I.* Chapter 13 That evening, Tom reached his arm out to pull B'Elanna closer to him but encountered nothing but the sheets. Listening, he could hear that she was back in the bathroom again experiencing morning sickness in the middle of the night. Throwing his long legs out over the edge of the bed, he pulled himself up, and put on his blue robe before he joined her. When the door slide opened it revealed a typical site as of late, B'Elanna was bent over the toilet throwing up all she had ate the evening before. "Damn it, 'Lanna, you've got to go see the Doctor and get something for this. This can't be good for you or the baby," he said, soothingly as he wet a face cloth then kneeled down beside her. B'Elanna gave one last heave, and pushed herself away from the toilet, and back into the welcoming arms of the attentive pilot who gently wiped her face with the cool cloth. "We've talked about this before, I don't want to take anything that might harm our baby," she insisted. he thought. "Well, 'Lanna, the saltine crackers and the other things you tried don't seem to be working. At least go talk to the Doctor about some other options. If you want, I can speak to him this afternoon, I'm only scheduled for a half-shift today." "Are you sure? You'd do that? You don't mind?" she asked. She still hadn't grown accustomed to the lengths this man would go to make this pregnancy as easy as he could for her. "Of course, I'm sure. I'm scheduled to take my medical technician recertification this afternoon, and I wanted to ask him about emergency childbirth anyway. I also want to get a couple more dermal regenerators. For some reason ours keep needing to be recharged," he said with a little grin. "But, you'll be careful," she warned. "I'll only talk to him about childbirth, your morning sickness and the regenerators in private, I promise - Scout's honor." "There you go with that Scout's honor again. One of these days, you're going to have to tell me all about what you did to get booted out of your troop." "Well, that ain't going to be now," he said as he stood up and pulled her up with him. "Let's get you back to bed, you have to work in the morning." "Alright, but I don't know if I can get to sleep," she groused as she wiped her face with a dry towel, and took a small sip of water in an effort to rid herself of the terrible taste in her mouth. "How about if I rub your feet? You like that," he suggested. Sighing, she followed him back to the bed. "You're spoiling me, Tom Paris," she admitted as she settled back down on the bed, and he perched himself at the end. He took one of her feet in his strong hands and tenderly massaged them. He hadn't even started on the other foot before she was fast asleep. "I enjoy spoiling you, B'Elanna Torres, I love you," Tom murmured in response, knowing that she couldn't hear him and if she did, she wouldn't believe him anyway. He lay back down beside her and pulled up the covers over the both of them. But, now it was him that couldn't get to sleep, for too many thoughts were coursing through his brain for him to settle down. Soon, he resorted to his favorite pastime lately -- watching the mother of his child and his beautiful secret love sleep. How things have changed in the last few weeks, he thought as he curled up behind her, and spooned his body against hers. He wrapped one arm protectively around her swelling abdomen where underneath their child was growing. * * * * * * * B'Elanna Torres walked into Sickbay. She saw the Doctor running a regenerator over an ensign's arm. The ensign looked at her, and gave her a weary smile. Obviously, he had been on the holodeck. "There you go, Ensign," the EMH said with a sigh, "Please, use caution the next time you play hover ball." The ensign nodded and jumped off the biobed. He swung his arm and smiled, "Thanks, Doctor. It's much better now." "You're welcome, Ensign." The ensign nodded and left Sickbay. The Doctor then turned to see Lt. Torres standing in the middle of the room. "May I help you, Lt. Torres," the EMH asked, concerned after seeing her sickly expression. B'Elanna nodded and headed for the nearest biobed. She hopped up on it, holding her slightly extended belly. "I'm nauseous all the time, Doctor," she said quietly, "Tom's worried it might be harming the baby. Frankly, so am I. Can you give me anything?" The Doctor looked thoughtful for a moment. He then nodded, "I can give you an herb that can be easily replicated as a tea. It should ease the nausea you feel." B'Elanna gave him a concerned look. She rubbed her stomach then asked, "Is it safe on the baby?" The Doctor picked up a medical tricorder and scanned her, "It should be safe to use, but just to be sure." He trailed off as he glanced at the readings. He pressed a few buttons and received the results. He raised an eyebrow in interest. "What?" B'Elanna asked, suddenly feeling anxious. "Well, Ms. Torres," the EMH stated smugly, "it appears you will be having twins." "What!?" She repeated, shocked. "See for yourself," he said, handing her the tricorder. B'Elanna grabbed it and scanned herself. She punched a couple buttons and read the results. Her eyes widened. It was true, she was having twins. A subdued expression fell across her face. "I believe congratulations are in order," the EMH stated, smiling. B'Elanna shook herself out of her trance and smiled, "Tom is going to be ecstatic. He'll faint!" "I wouldn't be surprised. Sometimes, I do believe he prefers the floor for a nap." She gave him a mock grow,l and he raised an eyebrow, doing a very good impression of Tuvok. She then smiled at him. "Thank you, Doc. I'll go tell Tom the news." She was about to jump off the biobed when the Doctor stopped her. "Speaking of telling someone, Lieutenant, can I please tell someone about your situation?" B'Elanna stared darkly at the holodoc. He backed a step away, but he held his ground. "If you tell anyone, Doctor, I will find a way to rip your holographic heart out of your chest. Do I make myself clear?" "Very, Lieutenant. But people will find out that you are living and sleeping with Mr. Paris." "Make sure it's later and not sooner. All right?" The EMH nodded, "I'll replicate that tea for you. You can tell Mr. Paris about it, so he can give it to you. If the nausea still persists after a week, come see me." B'Elanna nodded and the Doctor went to the replicator to get the tea. The Doctor was quite relieved when Lt. Torres left Sickbay. *I feel sorry for Lt. Paris, having to put up with her and her pregnancy. I doubt I could do it for long. Definitely not as long as he has.* The Doctor shook his head. He then went into his office to update the report on Torres' condition. * * * * * * "Damn!" he hoarsely whispered as he shot out of the turbolift took a quick look around to assure that he was alone then headed toward B'Elanna's cabin. Tom Paris was running five minutes late and there was a couple things B'Elanna hated: tardiness in general and Tom Paris being tardy in particular. He slowed his steps as he approached B'Elanna's cabin, and taking one more look around, he keyed in her access code and slipped through the door. He was a little surprised after the door slid shut that one Chief Engineer wasn't tackling him, and tearing his clothes off as had become the custom since he moved in. In fact, he thought smugly as he took on his uniform top leaving on his turtleneck, maybe she's even later than I am. He dropped the top on the table, and headed to the bedroom area to finish undressing to be ready when she arrived. What he saw there shook him. In the middle of the bed sitting with her knees pulled up against her chest was B'Elanna. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her legs and she was resting her forehead on her knees. Something wasn't right, he had never seen B'Elanna like this before. "B'Elanna, what's wrong?" he softly asked as he approached her, and placed his hand on top of her head. "Look at me, 'Lanna. Tell me what happened?" She lifted her head and faced the pilot. "We've got to talk, Tom." "Okay, we'll talk," he said simply as he too sat down on the bed beside her. "Oh my god, B'Elanna, is it the baby? Is it alright?" he asked worriedly. "It's fine, Tom, but there is something you've got to know," she said as she grabbed both of his hands with her own. "Tom, the Doctor scanned me today, and . . . and well it's like this . . .we . ." "Out with it, B'Elanna, what did he say!" "I'm carrying twins Tom. I've got two babies inside of me," she explained as she patted her abdomen. Tom sat their dumbfounded, mouthed the words 'twins', and finally his eyes rolled up, and he keeled over backwards on the bed. Despite the anxiety she was feeling, B'Elanna actually couldn't help but giggle at the pilot's reaction. It was just as they had predicted, with one exception: he hadn't landed on the floor. "Tom, come on, snap out of this," she ordered as she gently slapped him across the cheek until finally he opened one blue eye and looked at her "Twins? We . . . you're having twins?" She nodded. His face broke into a small smile which grew into a wide grin as he pulled himself up to a sitting position again. "Twins. Well I always knew I was a virile stud, B'Elanna, and now this just proves it." B'Elanna giggle a little at the pride that shined on Tom's face before reality hit her, and she became serious again. "B'Elanna, aren't you happy to be carrying two little miracles?" Tom asked when he noticed the sudden change in her demeanor. "To be honest, right now, Tom, I'm confused. Part of me is very excited to be having two babies, but the other part thinks of all the care that one baby requires and now there's going to be two, it'll be twice as much work. How can I find the time to take care of two?" she asked. "Don't worry, I'll help you, 'Lanna," Tom assured her. Did you think that after you gave birth that I'd just forget about everything -- about them? I intend to be the best darn daddy in the universe. That's if you'll let me. Please let me, 'Lanna." Tom squeezed her hands tightly to emphasize how desperately he was to be part of the children's lives. "You're wonderful. Do you know that, Tom? Okay, I'm sure we can work something out. I never really knew my father. I don't want my children to grow up like I did. We'll talk more about it when the time gets closer," she said as an look of discomfort washed over her face. "Oh no, you're sick again," he said. It was a statement not a question. She just nodded, and headed to the bathroom. "Couldn't the Doctor help you?" he asked, but all that B'Elanna could do with one hand covering her mouth was to point behind her at the nightstand. There, he found a packet of herbs with instructions for preparing it into a tea as well as the replicator formula to use to create some more. By the time that she was done in the bathroom, Tom had made the herbal tea, and had it waiting for her. "Here try this little mother, I put some honey in it so it would taste better. Come, drink it and sit down beside me," he patted a place on the bed, "and we'll talk." Chapter 14 The two of them where still sitting cross-legged on the bed telling each other stories two hours later. B'Elanna couldn't ever remembering having laughed so much. She knew that Tom was telling her humorous stories to cheer her up, but it didn't matter why he was. What mattered was they she was happy, very happy. "So tell me, Tom, it's time to come clean. I want to know what you did you get kicked out of that scout troop," she demanded as she started to try and scratch her own back. Tom assumed a look of innocence as he motioned for her to turn around on the bed so that he could take care of the itch. "You think *I* had something to do with it?" he asked. "I'm getting to know you pretty well lately. Yes, I think you did something and you're going to tell me." "Well, okay if I must, but I swear it was perfectly innocent. I had no idea what really happened until I was much older," he said as he continued scratching which elicited a couple of purrs from the engineer before she turned around to face him again. "Spill it, Helmboy!" "Okay, it was like this. Back when I was about oh seven, Dad decided that I should join the local scout troop. He said that it would look good on my records, so I could enter Starfleet Academy. So even though I had little interest in it, I went. I was at my, oh I guess third scout meeting, and I was finding out that some of the things we did outside I actually enjoyed. The day of that particular meeting, though in rained, and we had to have the meeting inside. So there we were inside on a rainy day with about twelve boys and about oh, ten girls and we had two leaders- -Mr. Tarkson and Ms. Wentworth. Well, we were getting that day to make puppets. Which I wasn't looking forward to, I just wanted to go outside and jump in the puddles that were forming and make dams and get good, wet and dirty with my friends. I didn't want to be stuck inside. So Ms. Wentworth went to the supply closet to get the supplies. In a little while, she hadn't come back so Mr. Tarkson left us alone to go find her. Then when he didn't come right back, I got curious about what happened to the two of them, and went looking for them. When I got to the supply closet, there were the two scout leaders kissing. hey were so involved with each other they didn't even notice that I had locked them in the closet until it was too late. Of course, the parents didn't think it was very funny with twenty-two kids loose in the school until the time came for them to transport home. And so I got booted out of the troop." "What happened to the scout leaders? They were okay, weren't they?" "Oh yeah, they were okay. When they finally opened the door, they were more than okay, though they were caught in a rather embarrassing situation." "Tom, you don't mean?" "Yep, passion in the supply closet. About two months later they were married and about seven months after that their little boy was born," he boasted sticking out his chest in pride. "I understand they almost called him 'Thomas'. All thanks to my little bit of mischievousness." "Tom, you're just terrible," she said with glee as she poked him in the chest which elicited a giggle from the pilot. Intrigued by the response, she tried it again, and he giggled again only harder this time. "Thomas Eugene Paris, I do believe that you are ticklish," she stated, and proceeded to poke and tickle the pilot until he reached a point where he was laughing soundlessly. Suddenly, he tumbled off the bed and landed with a thud on the floor which made a grinning B'Elanna laugh herself. Finally, the laugher died somewhat, and she reached down from the bed to pull Tom up to join her. What had originally been intended to just bring him up on the bed, ended with her pulling him toward her until her lips met his. The kisses they had shared in the past had been kisses of desperate, unbridled passion. This one was different. It was a slow savoring sensual kiss that bespoke of promise of what was to be. "Mr. Paris," she murmured huskily, "my back itches, would you please scratch it?" * * * * * * * The next morning after Tom left, B'Elanna slowly got up out of bed and when she saw the still warm cup of herbal tea he had left her she smiled. Thoughts of last night swam through her mind as she sipped the tea on the way to the shower. She remembered, and would always remembered them talking and laughing in bed; the kiss they shared after the tickling session; having sex with him, and after how tenderly he held her until she fell to sleep. She also recalled how she woke up around midnight craving another slice of leola root quiche, and how he had snuck down to the Mess Hall to bring her back a slice without so much as a grumble. But, one of the most special moments came early that morning when she shook Tom awake, and placed his hand upon her belly. His eyes grew wide with amazement as they shared the experience of the babies' first movements inside the womb. Then her thoughts turned to how much she had come to care for the handsome pilot. How all she thought of during the day was the time she would spend with him at night. she challenged herself. B'Elanna wasn't even going to argue with herself this time, it was useless. It was true, she admitted, she had fallen in love with Tom Paris. * * * * * * * * It was crowded in Sandrine's with most of the crew of Voyager wanting to know the latest rumor about B'Elanna's pregnancy. Everyone had given up on the father being Harry, for he boldly and honestly denied it. They still didn't know who's it was, but two other people were soon excluded from the list. The two being Ensign Vorik and Commander Chakotay. Both were denying it and the Vulcan saying it couldn't be done. Tom Paris was sitting alone at a table sipping his drink as he listened to the rumors going on around him. He had to smile at all of it, even if very few people believed he was the father. *All the better,* he thought, *I doubt B'Elanna would be thrilled if everyone knew I was the father.* Tom looked around the room, and saw many people gathered in groups talking. He smiled and sipped his drink. It was quite interesting to know that B'Elanna was the topic of the rumor mills. He knew that if she knew what people were saying, she would personally strangle each and every one of them. He looked at the chronometer, and saw that it was time to see the object of his thoughts. He quietly stood up and made his way to the exit. He passed by a table were Ensign Terre was playing pool with three of his friends. Terre watched as the pilot strode out of Sandrine's fifteen minutes earlier that he normally did. He looked at his friends who were still talking about B'Elanna's' pregnancy. "I still believe it's artificial insemination," Dan Starks said to Lt. Marris, "She doesn't see any male on this ship as a potential mate." "Forget that, Dan," Terre stated, taking his shot, "Lt. Paris just left fifteen minutes earlier than usual." Marris nodded, "Paris left at the same time two nights ago. Where do you think he would go?" Starks smiled, "Knowing him, it's probably a woman he's seeing in secret. Maybe Lt. Sara Davis in Data Retrieval. She's had her eye on him for awhile. Maybe she finally caught his." Terre shook his head, "She doesn't seem his type. For one, she's blonde." Ensign Patrick Ness piped up, "What about Megan?" Terre laughed, "Even I know that was a show. They've been friends since the Academy. She just wanted to help him out." "Well, if it's not her then who" Starks asked, looking around. Terre shrugged and lined up another shot, "I don't know. Maybe Sue Nicoletti?" Marris laughed, "She's seeing Lt. Marion," he said eliminating that option. "Maybe he's not seeing anyone." Starks stared at him, "What do you mean?" Marris shrugged, "Last week, I saw him in Sickbay looking at some datapadds. I asked him what they were, and he say they were medical texts. He said he's studying to be a med tech for the Doc. Maybe that's where he went; to study." "I still think it's a woman," Terre argued, "I saw him a week ago carrying his duffle bag. I asked him about it. He just smiled and entered the turbolift." "What did you ask him?" Starks asked. "I asked him who he was seeing. He said he was not telling. He neither denied seeing anyone nor confirmed it." Marris shook his head, "He's been a whole lot happier since Harry and B'Elanna called it off. Do you think he's seeing Torres?" They all stared at him as if he had three heads. He looked back at them surprised. "I guess not," Marris said softly. The three then went back to their game. They continued to speculate all through the night, but none of them came up to why Tom had left Sandrine's so early. Chapter 15 More time passed, she was almost in her third trimester, and B'Elanna continued to swell as the twins grew. Tom still snuck into her quarters every night to join her in bed, when they weren't making love and they'd spend time perusing datapadds on childbirth or just talking. But one thing had changed recently, it started a few days before, she noticed that her itchiness was starting to diminish as well as the morning sickness. Worried about what it might mean, she kept the information to herself, and went to the Doctor on her free afternoon and asked him what had happened. The Doctor performed a careful examination on the nervous half- Klingon mother-to-be. "B'Elanna, it appears that the itchiness and morning sickness have lessened considerably. As far as I can determine, the human hormones that caused the morning sickness also provided a catalyst to the Klingon genes to induce the itchiness. Thus when your nausea decreased so did the itching sensation. Typically in humans, the morning sickness stops by the time the second trimester starts, but with your genetic makeup it just hung around longer than usual." "So is everything all right?" she asked as she held her stomach with her hands. "Are the babies okay?" "Everything appears to be fine. The babies are healthy. You're sure you don't want to know their sex?" he asked and B'Elanna shook her head at the often-asked question. "You're healthy -- in fact you're so healthy I don't think Mr. Paris needs to ah . . .scratch your itch anymore," he informed her with a self- satisfied smirk on his face. "Do you want to do the honors, or would you like me to tell him, Lieutenant?" B'Elanna narrowed her eyes and raised her fist at the EMH. "If you so much as utter one word about this conversation to *anyone* I will personally see to it that you'll never leave Sickbay again," she threatened. This response amused the good Doctor. "Could it be, Lieutenant, that you've enjoyed the past months with Mr. Paris?" She looked at him in confusion, not knowing quite what to say and lowered her raised fist. "Um--let's just say it hasn't exactly been what I--um--expected." A little smile snuck up on her before she could stop it. The Doctor pocketed his tricorder with great care as he observed the Chief Engineer, carefully considering what to say. "Lt. Torres, I think you had better talk with Tom, and tell him how you feel." The Klingon defenses were back up and she snarled, "What do you mean how I feel?" "You obviously care for Mr. Paris . . ." "Of--of course I do Doctor, he *is* the father of my babies." "I think it's time for you to be honest with yourself, B'Elanna. Or are you afraid of your feelings?" "I don't know. All I do know is that I never intended for this to happen, Doctor," she admitted finally. "I never knew that I was capable of feeling just strong emotions for anyone. Tom has allowed me to express not only my human side, but my Klingon as well." "Talk to him, B'Elanna. Tell him." "But what if I tell him about the itching going away and he leaves me?" "Don't underestimate Mr. Paris. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't share your feelings." "Do you . . . " she started to say but at that moment two crewman from Astrometrics came into Sickbay. she decided. * * * * * * Tom Paris paid his customary visit to Sandrine's to join Harry for a game of pool that same evening before he went to B'Elanna's. When he got there, Harry was already playing a game of eight-ball with Joe Carey, so he wandered over to the bar, and asked Sandrine for some synthenol before he joined them. "Eight ball in the side pocket," Joe announced and deftly sank the black ball. "Cough it up, ensign," Joe said smugly as he ran the chalk over the cue's tip." Harry tossed a couple of rations towards the engineer as he shook his head. He was sure he could beat Joe this time, he had been practicing quite a bit with Tom lately and had been told he had improved. "Cheer up, Harry," Tom said as he slapped him on the back. "Joe's been playing a long time. Even longer than me. But you're doing better. Really." "Hey, Paris, is that some crack regarding my age?" Carey countered with a laugh. "Of course not. I just assumed that you started playing while you were still in diapers," the pilot said, trying to backpedal. "Come on, let me buy both of you a drink, and you two can bring me up to speed on all of today's gossip," Tom offered as he clasped Harry around the shoulders with one arm, and motioned for Joe to follow them to an empty table. "So Harry, I understand that you and Alera have set a date," Tom commented as they all sat down. "Yeah, well a tentative date. We're thinking of maybe six to eight months or so. We are really in no rush, we know we'll be together for a long time," he revealed as he took a swig of his half-filled mug. "Joe, I understand things seem to have quieted down in Engineering lately." Tom's ears perked up when he heard the reference to Engineering, B'Elanna hadn't said anything to him about what had been going on down there lately. "Yep, we are back to normal down there. Well, as normal as we can get with B'Elanna being pregnant. I don't let her crawl into the Jeffries tubes anymore. If she gets stuck in there, I don't want to have to be the one to pull her out." "Come on, Joe, she's not that big, yet," Tom said, protecting the mother of his children. "No, not yet, Tom, but I swear she's grown so fast lately, I think there might be twins in there." At that comment, Tom swallowed his drink too quickly, and ended up coughing until his eyes watered while Harry reached around, and slapped him on the back to help him stop. "I'm okay, Harry, really, just went down the wrong way." "Gee, Tom, if I knew that talking about the possibility that B'Elanna might be carrying twins was going to have that affect on you, I wouldn't have said anything. Believe me, it's pure speculation. B'Elanna seems to be doing just fine. She's taking good care of herself and her precious bundle. Though, she still won't tell anyone who the father is." Tom and Harry exchanged a silent knowing look across the table. Just then Alera came in and waved to Harry to join her. "Sorry guys, but Alera wants me to join her. I'll catch up with you two later." "He's not even married, and she has him jumping through hoops," Joe said with a sad grin, remembering his wife he left home in the Alpha Quadrant. "So, Joe, it's been quiet down in Engienering, huh?" Tom said trying to divert Carey's attention away from the past he had left behind. "Yep, after that experience with the Hirogen, things quieted down considerably. Even B'Elanna hasn't been quite so demanding lately." "What do you mean?" Tom asked as he took another sip of his drink. "Well, ever since she became pregnant, she's been hounding the entire staff to scratch her back, then about three weeks ago," Carey snapped his fingers, "nothing. Apparently, the backscratching thing is all over with. Can't say that I'm going to miss it . . ." Carey kept right on talking, but Tom didn't hear. Tom got up from the table in a daze, murmured some excuse to the engineer, and headed for B'Elanna's cabin. When he arrived, B'Elanna hurried to greet him as she usually did, with a half a tackle and passionate kiss before she started undoing the fasteners on his uniform. But this time, Tom didn't cooperate. He stood there woodenly looking down at the woman he thought that he had come to know so well during the last several months. "Come on, Tom, help me out here. I'm not has nimble as I was a few weeks ago. I need some help," she pleaded as she tried to keep things light. "Why didn't you tell me, B'Elanna?" She laughed as she tried again to get him to undress, "What do you mean, tell you what?" she thought, "Stop it, 'Lanna! Just stop it!" he said as he pulled away from her. "I want to know why you didn't tell me you were no longer having a problem with the itching. According to Joe Carey, you haven't asked anyone in Engineering to scratch your back for weeks!" "I tried, Tom, I did, but . . . I didn't know . . .I didn't want . . ." "Didn't want what, Ms. Torres? Didn't want me to stop coming over to warm your bed, get your tea, and fetch and carry for you? What?" "No, Tom, you don't understand!" she pleaded. She was almost on the verge of tears as she turned away, and hugged herself tightly with her arms. "You don't understand." Tom approached her from behind, and pulled her around to face him. He was determined that they were going to talk this out, and resolve where they stood with each other for once and for all. "Tell me, B'Elanna. You can't leave me hanging like this." B'Elanna looked up at the pilot, her dark brown eyes were moist with tears that threatened to spill over. Reaching one hand up, she caressed his cheek. "Tom, I was so afraid to tell you. First, I thought that something was wrong with the babies, but after the Doctor assured me that they were fine, I was afraid all over again. I--I was . . . " she stammered, and as the tears finally broke through, she rested her forehead against Tom's chest. Tom let her weep for a while before he raised her head with both of his hands to face him once more. "Ssssh. Tell me, B'Elanna," he said softly. She barely nodded her head. She knew there was no way that he was leaving her cabin tonight without hearing the truth. She should have told him weeks ago, she owed him that. "Tom, I was afraid that if you found out, that you wouldn't come back. You'd think that I didn't need you anymore." "Do you, B'Elanna? Do you still need me?" "I'll always need you, Tom Paris, I love you," she said as a flood of tears joined the few that had already spilled. Tom pulled her into his arms, and onto his lap as he sat down with her on the couch. He sat there with her for a long time, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, whispering tender words to her, until she cried herself out. Finally, cupping her face in his hands he used his thumbs to try and wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "B'Elanna, I've loved you for a very long time. I was hoping that someday you'd feel the same way about me." "Really?" she asked in a small voice. "Really, 'Lanna, I've loved you for what seems like forever. I never what to be apart from you." "Me either. I want you with me. Always." "Do you want to get married?" they said in unison which caused both of them to laugh and nod their heads. * * * * * * "What do you make of this?" the Captain asked her First Officer as they had coffee in her Ready Room that afternoon. Chakotay took the datapadd out of her hands to pursue the readout himself. "I'd say that we've been invited to a party in Holodeck Two," he replied with all seriousness. Janeway scuffed him along side the head in frustration. "I *know* that, but it doesn't say who's giving the party or what the occasion is. I hate surprises.* "Well, there is always one way to find out -- we just go to the party. I'll pick you up at 1950. Don't forget it says semi- formal and in particular 'no uniforms allowed.' " Kathryn Janeway just smiled at him and nodded her head. Chapter 16 The people started drifting into the Holodeck program shortly after the agreed upon time of 2000. Tom and B'Elanna had situated themselves away from each other -- her taking a position near the waterfall with Tom located nearer the forest. B'Elanna was exquisitely dressed in a deep navy dress with red leather trim that came down to just below her knees, it had a U-shaped neckline that afforded a slight view of cleavage, and long flowing sleeves. In her hair she had placed a couple white and deep blue color flowers. Tom had chosen to wear deep navy colored slacks with a matching jacket. Underneath, he wore a stark white shirt. In between the pair were two large tables full of food and drink with a sign posted on each instructing the guests to help themselves. All through the crowd, people could be heard speculating as to the reason for the party and asking each other if they knew who was responsible. Finally, after it looked like everyone had arrived, B'Elanna caught Tom's eye, and with a conspiratory wink, they met each other at an agreed upon location behind a group of trees behind the guest unbeknownst to anyone. "Are you ready, B'Elanna?" Tom asked as he cradled her face in his hands. "I am. This feels so right, Tom, I'm not even nervous." "Neither am I. It wasn't long ago that if someone told me I'd be getting married, I would have told them there were crazy. What em Tom Paris getting tied down to one woman. But that was before I met you. B'Elanna Torres, this is the last chance you have before we go out there and make it permanent -- and I do mean permanent. Are you sure you want to marry little o' Tom Paris?" "I've never been so sure of anything in my whole life, Tom. I just kick myself for having waited so long. I think I knew that I loved you a long time ago probably after I was split in two by the Vidiians and you were there for me. But at the time, all I could think of was why would Tom Paris, the Best Damned Pilot of the Delta Quadrant want me? I shouldn't have pushed you away . . ." Tom quieted her by placing his fingertips over her luscious lips. "Don't regret what you did in the past, B'Elanna. I'm trying not to. Be thankful for what we have now, I know I am. There isn't a morning I don't wake up with you by my side that I remind myself how fortunate I am for knowing you and being with you. I simply adore you, B'Elanna." "I love you, Tom," she breathed. "Are you ready to tell everyone?" "I've been ready a long time, my love. Let's go." The happy pair stood in front of the guests, but with everyone talking they hadn't noticed that the two of them were together. "B'Elanna, how are we going to get their attention?" he asked. B'Elanna's eyes twinkled with glee. "Oh, I've got an idea," she growled as the engineerpulled the pilot's face down towards hers, and captured his lips with a long, wet, passionate kiss. By the time she was done, silence had descended upon all the guests. Many were standing with their mouths agape not believing what they were witnessing. Tom and B'Elanna turned to address the now attentive audience with the helmsman standing behind the engineer with his hands upon her shoulders. "Thank you all for coming to our little party tonight," Tom began. "We hope that you've enjoyed yourself so far." B'Elanna took over. "Yes, we are glad to see that everyone could make it. As you might have guessed by now, there are a couple of things that we need to tell you," she said as the half-Klingon looked up at the tall man behind her. >From somewhere in the middle of the crowed, the Doctor could be heard saying to anyone who would listen: "I know and you don't." B'Elanna and Tom smiled at each other. "One is that as you might have just guessed, Tom is the father," she said with a prideful smile on her face while she patted her stomach. A voice in the back who piped up. "You owe me, Terre, I told you I thought that he was the one all along," which caused the rest of the guests to laugh. While another shouted, "So, that's what you've been up to every night, Paris!" "Second," she continued, "I am carrying twins." "That'll be four credits," Joe Carey whispered loudly to Sue Nicoletti as he tried to collect on his bet. A smiling Janeway turned to the tall Indian, who stood beside her. "Twins and Tom's the father, they have done well to keep this a secret." "And third," Tom piped up. "Captain, if you would be so kind; B'Elanna and I would like to be married." Janeway stepped up next to the happy pair. "Of course. You tell me where and when, and I'd be honored to perform the ceremony." "Actually, we were think about right now," B'Elanna explained as Tom reached into his back pocket to retrieve a datapadd with the words of the ceremony they had composed, and handed it to the Captain. After a little bit of preparation, Tom and B'Elanna stood before the Captain. "First, before we begin," she started. "I just want to say how happy I am for both of you. If you two will join hands, we'll begin." The wedding was beautiful. It consisted of a blending of human and Klingon ceremonies and traditions. First, the traditional Starfleet service was used up until the point where the two were pronounced man and wife. Then two bat'leths were brought out by a holographic assistant, and the bride and groom performed the traditional Klingon ceremony. Finally, in the end the bride and groom had their own words to add before the rings were placed on their fingers. "Tom, I give you ring as an expression of my everlasting love. You complete me and make me whole. Your my life and my love. Together, I feel that we can conquer all. I know you have conquered my heart." "B'Elanna, you make my heart smile and sing. I feel that before I met you, I merely existed. You have made me come alive and rejoice. Please accept this ring as a simple token of my love, for my love for you can never die. It is eternal." "Tom. B'Elanna. I am honored and very happy to pronounce you man and wife," Janeway said her eyes moist with tears of happiness. "Tom, you may kiss the bride." Tom Paris bent down, and gave his new wife a deep passionate kiss which was accompanied by applause and laughter by all those in attendance. * * * * * * * Paris and Torres danced slowly to the soft music that played through the holodeck. Tom rested his cheek on top of B'Elanna's head, breathing in her scent. His eyes were closed as his mind invisioned a wonderful future with B'Elanna. A soft smiled crossed his lips as he realized he didn't have to dream anymore. he thought, Tom drew B'Elanna closer to him as they danced. The Chief Engineer smiled as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She closed her eyes as she breathed in his scent. She never imagined she would ever be this happy, yet here she was; married and pregnant. *To think,* she thought, *this might never have happened if he....* She pushed the thought of never seeing him again out of her mind. She concentrated on the now as she inhaled his scent deeply. B'Elanna opened her eyes, and saw that they were alone. She looked around to confirm her thought, then looked at Tom, who still had his eyes closed. "Tom," she whispered, touching his cheek, "We're alone on the holodeck." The pilot opened his eyes, and looked around. It was true, the holodeck was empty, except for them. He looked at his bride, and smiled. "We have the holodeck all to ourselves, 'Lanna. Have anything in mind?" B'Elanna smiled impishly, "Computer, engage privacy lock. Authorization Torres Beta Five." At the computer's beep, she brought Paris' head down for a kiss. She didn't let it last long, for she had other ideas in mind. She released him, and smiled at his confused expression. "How about a dip in the water, Tom?" she asked as she kicked her shoes off. Tom smiled ferally as he took off his shoes. He then unbuttoned his jacket, followed by his white shirt. He then quickly discarded his pants. B'Elanna tossed her dress aside then unfastened her bra. The two discarded their underwear next. Tom stopped to admire her glowing body. He ran his right hand down her left arm, stroking it. He looked at her to see that she was staring at her protruding stomach. "What?" He asked. "You married a whale, Tom," she answered, rubbing her belly. He laughed, causing her to stare at him. He brought her close and kissed her. "You're more beautiful than ever, B'Elanna," he whispered to her, "I've always thought you were beautiful." B'Elanna smiled and kissed him. She thanked him then took his hand, and headed for the river. Tom stepped in first then helped his bride slowly into the water. "It's cold, Paris," the half-Klingon softly growled. Tom chuckled, "It'll warm up, 'Lanna. Just give it awhile." "How much longer?" To answer her, he brought her closer and devoured her mouth. She returned the kiss as she ran her hands into his hair. She felt her body heat rise, chasing the cold away. "Warm, yet?" Tom asked after awhile. She growled her answer, bringing a smile to Tom's lips. Tom took her hand again, and swam with her to the falling water. It grew louder as they neared it. "Computer, decrease the amount of water falling," Paris commanded loudly. The waterfall decreased to a shower. He smiled as he looked at B'Elanna, who was staring at the water, impressed. He then stepped under the waterfall, bringing the half-Klingon with him. "Tom," she gasped as she felt the water fall over her head, soaking her. "I thought we could take a shower together," he said, bringing her closer. The two embraced and kissed each other deeply. Soon, everything around them ceased to exist as they made love for the first time as husband and wife. Finis E-MAIL REQUEST: The authors of course love to receive e-mail. Please e-mail: Marleena at blacjac@juno.com AND PJ in NH at kelhapam@lr.net and let us know if you liked the story.