Viacom/Paramount and TPTB own everything, I'm just borrowing them so they can have a little fun. 
You're free to archive this anywhere, just keep my name and this disclaimer attached.  This is rated
PG and it's set after "Hope and Fear" at the end of the fourth season.  It's P/T, with a bit of J/C and
K/7.  I just finished an English course, and we studied Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.  I was
trying to watch Voyager and finish reading the play at the same time when I realized that there were
startling similarities between the characters.  So here's what I came up with....  Oh, it might help to
have read the actual play, since I won't include the entire script here, just a summary and a few
scenes.

Summary: As Voyager passes through a particularly dull region of space, the whole crew, especially
the senior staff, develops an acute case of boredom.  Tom decides to produce a Shakespearean play
with the senior staff to perk everyone up.  But it doesn't turn out quite the way he planned.... Rated
PG.


~~~~~

The Taming of the Shrew?
by Lindsay Penner
rae67@hotmail.com


Lieutenant Tom Paris yawned widely, and checked the time.  He sighed softly.  Only 1400 hours? 
He was stuck here for another two whole hours!  And there wasn't exactly lots to do in the way of
piloting when there were barely any stars within sensor range.  He turned to look around the bridge. 
The captain, Kathryn Janeway, was struggling to keep her boredom under control.  She looked like
she was about to fall asleep, even after her fifth cup of coffee.  Commander Chakotay looked about
as awake as the captain did.  Ensign Harry Kim was already half-asleep at his console.  Lieutenant
Commander Tuvok was as alert and impassive as ever, but he was Vulcan.  Tom didn't think they
ever got bored.  At the engineering console to his right, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres was ready to
jump out of her skin if nothing interesting happened soon.  She was fidgeting in her seat.  Tom glued
his blue eyes on her slender figure.

B'Elanna felt rather than saw Tom's intense scrutiny, and turned to face him.  Their eyes locked for
a long moment.  She reluctantly tore her eyes away from his when the captain cleared her throat.

"This region of space doesn't require our immediate attention.  You're all free to go back to your
quarters.  Heaven knows we've worked enough overtime in the last four years to justify a few extra
hours off."  Giving her bored senior staff a rest wasn't her only motivation.  She wasn't exactly thrilled
with this sparse region of space either, and she deserved some time off too.

As they called for replacements, an idea came to Tom.  He'd always enjoyed reading Shakespeare,
and the other night, he'd finished The Taming of The Shrew.  It had given him a great idea, and it
should increase crew morale, which had been dropping lately.  "Captain, if you don't mind, I'd like
to talk to the entire senior staff in the mess hall."

"Sure, Tom.  Janeway to Seven of Nine and the EMH.  Please meet the rest of the senior staff in the
mess hall in five minutes.  Janeway out."  The replacement crew arrived as Janeway tapped her
commbadge off, and the bridge crew filed into the turbolift.

When they got to the mess hall, it was completely empty, with the exception of Neelix, who was
puttering in the kitchen, and Seven of Nine, who was already sitting at a large table in the centre of
the room, staring off into the blackness of space.  When he saw the senior officers, he came over to
join them.  They seated themselves at the table just as the Doctor entered.  As soon as the hologram
was at the table, Tom said, "We all know morale has been dropping lately, right?"  There were nods
from around the table.  "I have a great idea to cheer everyone up.  Everyone likes seeing people make
fools of themselves, especially their senior officers.  So let's put on a play!  I just finished reading The
Taming of The Shrew a few days ago, and I think the crew would love it.  Have any of you ever read
it?"

"I have," replied Harry.  "Required reading in my grade ten English class."

"Me too," Chakotay said.

"I suggest that the rest of you read it, then.  Would you be interested in putting it on for the rest of
the crew?"

Harry nodded almost immediately, and Neelix agreed enthusiastically, as did the Doctor.

"Just a small part," Seven said with a dubious expression on her normally placid face.  She was still
unexperienced with human interaction, and she didn't know much about human culture.

"Anyone else?"  Tom said, looking directly at B'Elanna, eyes pleading with her silently.

She turned her own eyes to the table, and slowly nodded.  "Fine."

"I will also agree to play a part," Tuvok agreed.

The only ones left were Kathryn and Chakotay.  They shared a look, and both nodded to Tom rather
reluctantly.

"Great!  You can find the play in the computer.  Um, I hope you don't mind, but I have the perfect
roles in mind for all of you." Tom smiled.

"That's fine," the captain said quickly.  No one contradicted her.

"OK, then. I want Tuvok to play Baptista Minola and Neelix as Vincentio.  Even though the captain
has a better name for it, I'd like B'Elanna to play Katherine."  He grinned widely.  "Harry, I want you
as Hortensio, and the Doctor as Tranio.  I'd like Seven to play the widow, and I want to be Petruchio. 
Captain, I'd like you to play Bianca and Chakotay to be Lucentio."  His eyes lit up mischievously as
he said this last part.  Only B'Elanna noticed that, and she wondered at it.

The crew dispersed, and B'Elanna followed Tom out of the room.  In the corridor, she moved him
over gradually until she could pin him against a wall.  "Why do you want the captain and Chakotay
to play those roles?" she asked curiously.  "I saw the look in your eyes."

"Well, in the play, those two end up married."  He laughed softly.  "Did you see Chakotay's face when
I named their characters?  I thought he was going to leap across the table and strangle me!"

"You'd better lock yourself in your quarters.  When the captain finds out what you've done, she's
going to kill you."  She released him, and they continued on their way.

*****

Late that night, B'Elanna slammed a padd down on her coffee table with a resounding bang.  She was
fuming.  "How dare he!!"  Her eyes filled with Klingon fire, and she stomped out of her quarters.  She
headed down the hall to Tom's cabin.  But when she got to the door, it was locked, and her
authorization wouldn't release it.  "Computer, whose authorization was used to seal this door?"

The computer's flat Starfleet voice responded, "Commander Chakotay's."

"How many people are in the quarters of Lieutenant Paris?  State their names."

"One.  Lieutenant Thomas Paris."

"Tom!!" she shouted furiously, pounding on the door.  "I know you're in there!  Let me in now!"

"I'm not home!" he cried faintly.

"Yes, you are.  Now let me in!" she yelled.

"No.  I'd like to live to see tomorrow, thank you.  Good night."

She yelled, threatened, and insulted him, but Tom, for all his devil-may-care attitude, wasn't stupid,
and refused to respond to her.  So B'Elanna punched the bulkhead in disgust, and stalked off down
the corridor to the captain's quarters.  She rang the bell, and when she heard the captain say, "Come,"
she walked in, still irate.

"Have you finished Tom's play yet?" she demanded.

"Have a seat.  No, I'm only on the third act.  Why?"  Kathryn was confused.

"Skip to my character's long speech at the very end."

Kathryn did so, and read it aloud.

"Fie!  Fie!  Unknit that threat'ning unkind brow,
And dart not scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy lord, thy king, thy governor.
It blots thy beauty as frosts do bite the meads,
Confounds thy fame as whirlwinds shake fair buds,
And in no sense is meet or amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain troubled,
Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty,
And while it is so, none so dry or thirsty
Will deign to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy lord, thy life, thy keeper,
Thy head, thy sovereign, one that cares for thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe,
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But love, fair looks, and true obedience -
Too little payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the subject owes the prince,
Even such a woman oweth to her husband;
And when she is froward, peevish, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his honest will,
What is she but a foul contending rebel
And graceless traitor to her loving lord?
I am ashamed that women are so simple
To offer war when they should kneel for peace,
Or seek for rule, supremacy, and sway
When they are bound to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies soft and weak and smooth,
Unapt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our soft conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and unable worms!
My mind hath been as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
But now I see our lances are but straws,
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,
And place your hands below your husband's foot;
In token of which duty, if he please,
My hand is ready, may it do him ease."

Kathryn stared at the padd for a minute.  What could have possessed Tom to do something so
obviously suicidal as asking B'Elanna to play a character that thought like this one?

"See!  The Doc's going to get a visit from his favourite patient as soon as I can get to him," she
promised.

"Why can't you get to him?"

"Chakotay locked him in his quarters, and I can't get in.  But you can..." she trailed off hopefully.

"No.  We do need a helmsman for the trip home.  Just stay away from him for a few days and...."  The
chime of her door interrupted Kathryn.  "Come."

Seven entered, carrying a padd and scrutinizing it carefully.  She looked up from it long enough to
notice B'Elanna.  "Hello, Lieutenant."

"Call me B'Elanna."

"As you wish....B'Elanna.  Captain, I am confused.  This play that Lieutenant Paris has chosen seems
to represent women as the servants of their husbands and discourages a woman's temper and
outgoing nature.  But in my observation of the crew, I have noticed that this doesn't seem to be true. 
Women are in positions of power everywhere on the ship.  And judging by the behaviour of B'Elanna
and yourself, the kind of behaviour discouraged in this piece is encouraged on Voyager.  Why would
Lieutenant Paris choose such an archaic play to act out?"  Seven was genuinely lost.

"He's an asshole," B'Elanna muttered.

Kathryn glared at her.  "You might be mad, but you don't need to teach Seven how to swear."

"I have never heard that word in connection with Mr. Paris before.  What does it mean?"

Kathryn tried to explain while muffling her laughter.  "It means that B'Elanna is... displeased..." at
this, the woman in question snorted disdainfully, "with Tom right now."

"Why?" Seven was still thoroughly confused.

"You did read the last speech by Katherine in the play, right?" B'Elanna asked.

"Yes."

"And you are aware that I am developing a relationship with Tom?"

"B'Elanna, the whole ship knows.  Especially after the incident with those aliens who insisted on
treating Voyager as their personal Petri dish," Kathryn smirked, and B'Elanna glared at her.

"I am aware of the nature of your affiliation with the lieutenant."

"I feel that this is the way he wants to be treated.  Even though my head and my heart know he loves
me for who I am, the rest of me doesn't want to agree.  Mostly the Klingon genes," she finished, still
indignant.

"Now, what can we do to get even with Tom that doesn't involve him visiting the Doctor?" Kathryn
asked impishly.  "I also noticed the relationship between Chakotay's character and mine, and between
Harry and Seven."

B'Elanna's eyes lost their Klingon rage and developed a creative gleam.  "Let's beat him at his own
game.  He wants me to say that in front of most of the crew.  So let's make him think I will, and then
I'll say something completely different.  The modern variation, one that we'll write."

Kathryn grinned.  "This could be fun...."  She pulled out a padd and the three women began
composing their own version of Katherine's soliloquy."

*****

"She's going to kill me," moaned Tom.

"What makes you say that?" Harry asked innocently, even though he already knew.  When he'd heard
Tom's choice of role for B'Elanna, he knew his best friend was in deep trouble.

"You said you've read the play.  I assume you've read the ending," Tom commented sarcastically.

"Yeah.  She won't be happy about that."

"The understatement of the year!" Tom cried melodramatically.

Just then, the object of their conversation walked in the door.  B'Elanna looked around, and spotted
Harry waving to her, and Tom trying to stay out of sight in a corner.  She sauntered over casually,
"Good morning."

"Morning," Harry said pleasantly.  Tom just slouched down further.

B'Elanna noticed his reluctance, and came over to him, seating herself on his lap.  "Good morning." 
She kissed him passionately.  If that didn't convince him that nothing was wrong, nothing would.

"Good morning," he mumbled from beneath her lips.  He pulled away.  "Are you all right?" he asked
nervously.

"Why do you ask?" she said angelically, running her arms around his waist.

"You just seem... different.  Oh, maybe it's nothing."  Tom didn't think he sounded very convincing.

"I'm fine."

"But you sounded so angry last night, and now you're acting all normal."

"There's nothing wrong," she insisted.  "I decided that it was nothing."

"What was nothing?" Tom asked.

"Oh, the final scene of the play.  I can't wait to start rehearsal.  When do you want to begin?"

Tom was still nervous.  "This afternoon at 1500 hours.  In Holodeck One."

"I'll be there."  She kissed him again, and practically bounced out of the room.

"What was that all about?" Harry wondered aloud.

"I don't know," Tom mused, "but it's really weird.  Maybe I should get the Doc to check her out. 
Maybe she's ill."

"I don't think so.  I think she's either just really happy today or she's had too much of that Klingon
coffee again," Harry said.

"I guess.  But it's still weird.  Now, c'mon.  We're on duty in five minutes."

They left the mess hall.  Kathryn watched them go from her corner table.  "Men are so easy to
control," she whispered.  "All it takes are a few angelic looks, some pretty words, and a couple
kisses."

Seven just stared at her.  "B'Elanna seems to have accomplished her part in this mission easily.  How
did she know what to do?" she inquired curiously.

"I..." Kathryn began before realizing that she didn't know.  How did women learn to flirt?  "I guess
we just learn naturally in adolescence.  I don't really know how to explain it."

"I was never a human adolescent.  I was Borg."

"Maybe we can get someone to explain it to you.  Now, who could teach you how to flirt...."  The
first people who came to mind were the Delaney twins, but she didn't want to let Seven anywhere
near their influence.  She would end up just as bad as them, if not worse.  She was easily influenced
right now.

Seven brightened visibly, but her words were flat.  Kathryn noticed that she was learning to mask the
emotions in her voice.  She must have been taking lessons from Tom and Tuvok.  "That would be
acceptable."

"Good.  Now it's my turn," she said, seeing Chakotay entering the mess hall.  She waved him over,
and, after picking up his breakfast, the first officer sat down with the two women.  He looked as
nervous as Tom had.

"Good morning, ladies," Chakotay said.

"Good morning, Commander," Seven replied.  "I have a task to accomplish in.... Astrometrics. 
Goodbye."  She left quickly, and headed up to the bridge.

"How did you sleep last night?" she asked softly.

"Fine," he answered edgily.  He wondered if she'd read the play yet.  She wouldn't be thrilled with him
or with Tom when she found out about their characters.  "Um, did you read the play?"

"Yes, I did," she said sunnily.

"So.... you're not ready to kill Tom?  He made me lock him in his quarters last night to stay away
from you and B'Elanna.  I could hear her screaming at him from down the corridor."

"No, why would I want to kill him?" she asked sweetly.  Like she'd told Seven, flirting was an
instinctive technique that women learned when they were young.  And most, including her, could use
it to their advantage when they chose.  And right now was a moment when she chose to use that
knowledge.  "I'm happy about being in the play."

"You... you are?"  Chakotay was still anxious.

"Yes, I am.  Now, we're due on the bridge.  Let's go."  The commanding officers of Voyager departed
arm in arm.

*****

Tom walked into the holodeck, B'Elanna glued to his side, to find that the rest of his cast were
already there.  Harry had activated the program that Tom had created for the play, an amphitheatre. 
The burgundy curtains were drawn tightly back and the senior staff, dressed in their civvies, were all
lounging in the chairs talking among themselves.  Tom noticed that Kathryn had her hand on
Chakotay's knee as she leaned forward to speak animatedly to Neelix.  He wondered idly what that
was all about, but had to start the rehearsal.  "OK, do you all have your scripts?"  Everyone held up
a padd, and Tom continued, sitting on the edge of the stage.  "Then let's get started.  The Induction
will be performed by holocharacters, so we can just skip that.  Let's start with Act One, Scene One. 
Chakotay, Doctor, you're on."

They read through the play once, and B'Elanna stayed stuck to Tom's side as much as possible.  When
she did the offensive speech, she added as much obedience to it as she could without Tom getting
suspicious.  As she finished her lines, she watched Kathryn and Seven.  Like her, they were being as
flirtatious and agreeable as possible.  Chakotay seemed incredibly confused.  She hadn't thought
anyone could turn such a bright shade of red as he had when they'd gotten to the part of the play
where Bianca and Lucentio kiss.  Kathryn had given him a long, passionate kiss in front of her senior
staff, and Chakotay had seemed stunned for the rest of the rehearsal.  Seven had hung on Harry's arm
as much as possible, and B'Elanna herself had plopped herself down on Tom's lap whenever she
could.  The men were getting very flustered.  Maybe they could continue this for longer.  Seven
needed lessons in flirting anyway....

After the final scene, Tom called an end to the rehearsal.  He left with B'Elanna, steering her towards
his quarters.  "Come on.  We need to have a talk."  He had no idea what she thought she was doing.

"Sure, Tom," she replied.  This was so much fun!

Tom all but pushed her inside, and she took a seat on the couch, pulling him to her.  He resisted, and
with some visible effort, sat on the other side of the room, as far away from her as he could get.  It
was too hard for him to think when he was sitting next to B'Elanna.

"What was that?" he asked amiably, trying not to anger her.

"What was what?" she inquired, playing innocent.

"You know."

"No, Tom, I'm afraid I don't.  You'll have to tell me.  After all, I'm just a stupid woman."  She put a
little bit too much spite in her voice to be teasing.

"B'El, you're not stupid."  Then it dawned on him.  "Is this because of the role I gave you?"

She sighed thankfully.  At least he didn't know about the others.  He'd never figure it out.  "No, of
course not.  I don't mind the role.  Because I know it's only a character written almost a thousand
years ago.  It's not really the kind of woman you want me to be, is it?"  She stood, and started moving
towards him, a predatory glimmer in her eyes.

He backed away.  "No, no, no!" he insisted vehemently.  "I care about you, B'El.  All of you.  Just
the way you are."  He stopped moving away from her and swept her into his arms.  "Forever," he
whispered.

"Forever," she repeated, kissing him.  "Forever."

*****

Two weeks later, B'Elanna's alarm went off at 0400, way too early for her.  A sleep-deprived Klingon
wasn't anyone's favourite person.  "Shut the hell up!"  She threw a pillow at it.  "I need to sleep!" 
Then she remembered why her alarm was ringing at this obscenely early hour.  She rolled out of the
warm bed reluctantly, and got dressed.  Half an hour later, she was seated in the captain's quarters,
a cup of raktajino in her hand.

"How's the plan going?" she asked.  They hadn't had time to talk about the plan for the last little
while.

"Harry seems confused.  I believe I have rattled him."  Seven was pleased.  She was learning more
and more every single day.

"And Chakotay?" she asked Kathryn.

Kathryn laughed.  "I think he's ready to send me to the Doctor for a thorough examination.  Did you
see his face that first day?"

"Which time?" B'Elanna returned.

"After I kissed him during rehearsal."

"Is Commander Chakotay supposed to turn that shade of red?" Seven asked naively.

The other women started laughing.  "Shhh," said Kathryn seriously, "Chakotay's quarters are next
door, and I think he'll figure it out if he hears insane laughter at four-thirty in the morning.  He's not
as dumb as he looks."  At her last comment, they laughed even harder, hands over their mouths to
muffle the giggling.

Seven observed them silently for a while, wondering what had prompted this unusual behaviour. 
Finally, Kathryn and B'Elanna stopped laughing so hard, and they tried to compose themselves, but
the instant their eyes locked, they broke into laughter again.  When they finally settled down, she
asked B'Elanna, "How are you doing with Tom?"

B'Elanna grinned fiercely, making her look very Klingon.  "I'm enjoying it as much as he is.  I've never
seen him look quite so.... nervous.  He has no idea what I'm doing, but he likes it."

"Good.  Now for Phase Two," Kathryn said.

"Ohhh," B'Elanna complained.  "Do we have to?  I like the rest of the steps.  Let's skip Phase Two. 
We can just stay on Phase One for awhile."  She looked at the other women hopefully.

"No," insisted Kathryn.  "If we skip Phase Two, Phase Three won't make any sense."

"Fine," B'Elanna conceded unhappily.  "I still don't like the idea of hurting their feelings like this."

"It is necessary to the plan," Seven said, backing Kathryn.

"I know," she moaned.  "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"If you say so."  The former Borg shrugged.

"B'Elanna, you go start right now.  Get mad at him for missing a non-existent breakfast date.  Seven,
wait 'till you're alone with Harry in Astrometrics, then start yelling at him.  I'll be rude to Chakotay
at the staff meeting, then go to my ready room.  If I'm right, he'll follow me in.  Fortunately my ready
room is soundproof.  I can shout almost as loud as B'Elanna."  She glanced at B'Elanna
mischievously.  B'Elanna just shrugged unrepentantly, and walked out of the door, still pouting. 
Seven followed her out, but turned toward the mess hall at the end of the corridor.
 
B'Elanna's sharp mind quickly came up with a good reason for fighting with Tom.  A wave of guilt
threatened to overtake her, and she pushed it back, knowing that he was getting exactly what was
coming to him.  She opened his door with the access codes he'd given her, and stomped into the
bedroom uninvited.  She turned on the lights, and Tom started mumbling, "Computer, why the hell
are the lights on?"

"I turned them on."  B'Elanna glared down at him, thinking of her mother.  She'd never be able to
pretend to be angry if she wasn't thinking of someone she was truly mad at.

He squinted up at her.  "Why?"

"You forgot," she accused.

"What did I forget?"  Tom was totally lost.

"We were supposed to meet for breakfast.  And you forgot.  Again."  She looked down at him,
putting as much disappointment as she could in her voice.

"I did?  I don't remember... Computer, time?" he finished uncertainly, sitting up.

"The time is 0530 hours."

"Why would we make a breakfast date so early?  It's not even a real time.  There's only a 0530 hours
if you stayed up all night."  He tried joking.  Maybe that would pacify her.

"We have a staff meeting at 0630," she pointed out.  At least that was true.

"Oh, yeah.  I'll get ready now.  I'll be just a minute," he promised.

"It's too late.  I'm tired of you 'forgetting'.  Goodbye."  She marched out of his quarters.

"What the hell was that all about?" he asked the air.

*****

When Tom got to the meeting, B'Elanna was already sitting between Kathryn and Seven, whispering
about something.  Chakotay was trying to watch them inconspicuously, but wasn't doing a very good
job.  Every couple minutes, either Seven or Kathryn would glance up, and glare at Harry or
Chakotay, respectively.  Tom took a seat between the two recipients of the glares, and asked softly,
"What are they talking about?"

"I don't know," Chakotay whispered back.  "When I walked in, Kathryn just gave me her Look."

"And I think Seven's gone back to her usual unemotional self," Harry commented disappointedly. 
He'd liked the new Seven.

"Tom," Chakotay said, "don't look now, but B'Elanna looks ready to kill you.  What did you do?"

"According to her, I forgot about a breakfast date I don't remember making in the first place.  I can't
believe I forgot.  But what did you guys do?"

They shrugged their shoulders, and watched the women whisper quietly.  Finally, after a few more
looks from each one, Kathryn started the meeting.

By the end, all three men were even more confused than ever before, and Seven, and Kathryn were
enjoying the game.  B'Elanna still didn't like the idea of hurting Tom.  "If that's it," the captain said,
"I'll see you all at rehearsal this afternoon.  Dismissed."  She stalked out, and headed for her ready
room.

Behind her, she heard Harry asking, "Seven, what's wrong?"

No one could possibly have put more innocence into her voice than Seven.  "Nothing.  I will see you
in Astrometrics."  Kathryn heard even footsteps leaving, and rushed ones following.  She tried not
to grin.

Behind Harry, B'Elanna stomped out of the conference room.  Tom dashed after her, and was almost
out of breath when he caught up to her, just outside of engineering.  For such a small person, she had
an incredibly long stride.  "B'El?"

She stopped, and he ran into her, not expecting it.  "What?" she replied venomously.  She could keep
this up for days.  She had lots of stored-up animosity for her mother.

"I... I just wanted to apologize."  He fixed her with his hurt blue eyes.

Her heart softened at the sight.  Tom looked as though he was about to burst into tears, and that was
a rare sight indeed.  Tom never cried, even in front of her.  She felt awful, playing with his emotions
like this, but it would soon be over, and Tom would have learned his lesson.  "Thank you," she said,
trying to sound sincere.

He put his hand on her cheek, and she leaned her face into his palm.  "I don't want to lose you, B'El. 
I love you."  He didn't even realize that he was saying the words until he saw the look on her face. 
It was the first time he'd ever told her he loved her.

"I love you too," she responded, brushing her lips against his gently.  "Now go back to the bridge. 
You're supposed to be piloting the ship."

"Okay," he said, kissing her again before turning and heading back to the bridge.

She waited until he was on the turbolift, and leaned back against the wall.  "So much for Phase
Two...."

*****

As Kathryn had expected, the chime rang not long after the ready room door closed.  "Come."

Chakotay walked in, searching her face for explanations, but not finding any.  "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied curtly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!  I'm positive."

"If you say so."  He sat down, and looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to speak.

Kathryn stayed silent, not knowing what to say.  Fortunately, she was saved by the chirp of her
commbadge.  "Torres to Janeway.  I need to talk to you.  Are you alone?"

"Just a minute," she said, and waved Chakotay out.  He gave her one last searching look, and left. 
"Okay, B'Elanna, he's gone."

"Chakotay?"

"Yeah.  So what's the problem?"

B'Elanna sighed audibly.  "Tom caught up to me in the corridor and apologized.  He told me he loved
me."  Her tone of voice made it clear that this confession had only served to confuse the poor woman
even more.

"Oh."

"Yeah, that was about what I thought.  See, I kind of... told him the same thing."  B'Elanna sighed
again.

"Maybe you should do Phase Four by yourself.  Phase Three wouldn't make any sense now.  And the
guys are pretty smart.  If we all continue acting the same way, they'll figure it out."

"Okay.  And you'd better tell Seven about the change in plans.  Torres out."

Janeway tapped her commbadge.  "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Yes, Captain."

"Are you alone?"  She didn't want Harry to hear, since he'd tell Tom, who'd spread their little plan
all over the ship.  They wanted it to be a surprise.

"I am.  But Harry is on his way here now."

"I'll be quick, then.  We didn't count on Tom's feelings for B'Elanna."  Kathryn quickly explained what
B'Elanna had told her about the incident in the corridor, and smiled, picturing the look on B'Elanna's
face.

"B'Elanna did not reciprocate?"  Seven's voice filled with confusion.

"Oh no.  It's the opposite, in fact.  She couldn't keep up the charade of being mad at him.  So she's
going to skip straight to Phase Four while we continue with Phase Three.  We'll both skip Phase Four,
and we'll apologize to Harry and Chakotay a few days before the performance."

"Understood."  Kathryn heard the swish of an opening door.  "Hello," the former Borg said,
addressing someone Kathryn couldn't see.  "Is that all, Captain?"

"Yes.  Janeway out."  She picked up a cup of coffee, making a mental note to never schedule staff
meetings for so early in the morning again.

She knew that she had to talk to Chakotay, and she had to make it convincing.  Now, what could she
say she was mad about...?  Well, it couldn't be a missed date, because she'd heard Tom telling
Chakotay about his own problems.  Um.... maybe.... OH!  She had a stroke of inspiration.  If she was
going to be playing the obedient one in the play, maybe she should confuse Chakotay by yelling at
him for having no opinions of his own, for always doing exactly what she said.  She sometimes
believed it anyway.  "Janeway to Chakotay.  Will you please come into my ready room?"  She
saturated her voice with hostility so he would believe her.

"Right away."  Upon hearing his reply, Kathryn smiled.  He sounded like a lost little boy who was
being punished when he had no idea why his parents were angry.

The door chirped within seconds.  Kathryn schooled her face into an expression of pure anger, and
turned to face the barren starscape.

"Kathryn?" he asked.

She turned, and gave him her Look, as she'd heard the crew calling it.  "We need to talk."  She
headed over to her chair and sat down, motioning for him to do the same.

"About what?"  Chakotay had no idea what she was up to.  Her moods weren't as precarious as
B'Elanna's, but they weren't as stable as Seven's, either.  And all three of them had been acting strange
lately.  Maybe they were up to something....  No, it couldn't be.  B'Elanna was supposedly back to
normal now, at least according to Tom, who had returned to the bridge singing some ancient Earth
song.  Every few seconds, he'd whispered the words "to the moon and back".  Chakotay hadn't
recognized the tune, but Harry obviously had, and he'd smiled.

"I need a first officer who'll tell me when I'm wrong and what I need to change, not one who just
obeys orders blindly."  She cut right to the point, voice dripping with anger.

"Wait a minute.  I do tell you when you're wrong and what needs to be changed.  Haven't I
confronted you enough times about Seven?"  If possible, he was even more confused than before.

"Some," she admitted, "but not enough.  I just thought you should be aware of my feelings. 
Goodbye."  She spun the chair away from him, and waited for a long moment, feeling his eyes on her. 
Eventually, soft footsteps exited slowly, paused when the door opened, and walked out.  The door
swished shut.  Kathryn grinned widely.  She had the same feelings as B'Elanna about hurting the men's
feelings, but she wasn't as guilty about it, and, she thought, with good reason.  Tom had been hurt
enough times in his lifetime, and he didn't need B'Elanna mad at him for no discernable reason.  But
Chakotay could take her anger, and, anyway, this part of their plot would be over soon.  She picked
up the padd containing the play, and continued memorizing her lines.

*****

In Astrometrics, Seven was shouting at Harry for calibrating one of the relays incorrectly.  It had been
the only excuse she could think of for the response Kathryn and B'Elanna expected of her.

"It's just a relay, Seven.  Calm down.  I'll fix it right away."  He fiddled with some controls for a
moment.  "There.  See, it's not that important."

"Your human imperfection," she fairly spat the word, "makes you incompetent.  You often make
errors in your work.  Your emotions get in the way of your effectiveness.  You are weak."  Her Borg
memories tried to resurface as she yelled, but she pushed them back forcefully.

"Seven...." he began.

"I don't want to speak to you."  She turned away from him coldly.

He sighed, and returned to his console.  He needed to talk to Tom.  He had to stay on duty, but the
calculations he was running didn't need his full attention.  Harry accessed the written communication
system, and sent a message to Tom's console.

"Tom, Seven just yelled at me for no apparent reason.  All I did was screw up a relay.  Big deal.  But
then she started shouting about how I was 'incompetent, 'weak' and 'imperfect'.  Do you have any idea
why?
Harry."

Seconds later, he received a return message.  He had set the console so it wouldn't beep when he
received a message like it normally would.  Seven would get mad again if she saw that he wasn't
working.

"Harry, I have no idea what's going on with Seven, but B'Elanna's back to normal, thank God.  The
captain seems to be acting weird too.  Chakotay was summoned in there, and came out a few minutes
later, looking all depressed.  Maybe they've all got PMS ;-).  If any of them gets their hands on this,
I'm dead....
Tom."

Harry sighed, and when Seven snapped her head around to glare at him, he came up with a lie
quickly, "My console cut out for a second."

"Maybe Lieutenant Torres should take a look at it," she suggested.

"Oh no, I mean, it's fine.  It was just a fluke.  Happens all the time," he fibbed again.  This would have
been easier if he was a better liar.

"Fine."  She turned back to her own work.

He tapped a new message into his console, and sent it to Tom.

"Gee, thanks, Tom.  You're LOTS of help.  But I'm sure everything will go back to normal soon. 
Hopefully.  Thanks for nothing.  I'll see you this afternoon.
Harry."

Harry checked the calculations, which were working just fine without his attention.  He glanced at
the impassive woman across the room, and noticed another message from Tom.

"I am too helping!  I'm being your sounding board. :-P
Tom."

Harry chuckled, but forgot to muffle his voice.  Seven turned around again.  "What's so funny?"

"Um.... umm..." he stammered, stalling for time until he could make up an excuse.  "I've just had too
much of that Klingon coffee.  It makes me laugh at the stupidest things.  My console died again."  A
consistent lie was better than a bunch of little ones, he reasoned.

Seven studied him for a minute, and tapped her commbadge.  "Seven of Nine to Lieutenant Torres."

"Torres here."  B'Elanna sounded happy about the interruption.

"There is a console in Astrometrics that seems to be malfunctioning.  Could you come down and take
look at it?"

"I'll be right there."  She closed the link with a loud slap.

"I need to go," Harry said quickly.  He didn't want to be around when B'Elanna found out that the
console was fine.

Seven didn't answer.  He darted out the door and into the corridor, almost plowing into B'Elanna. 
"Sorry," he shouted, glancing backwards quickly.

She watched him run away.  "Now what could be so important...?" she wondered aloud as she
entered Astrometrics.  She caught Seven's eye.  "I take it he's confused."

"Yes."

B'Elanna grinned.  "Good.  Now which console is malfunctioning?"

"That one."  Seven pointed at Harry's console.

When B'Elanna walked over to it to check it, she noticed a message on the screen.  She read Tom's
last message.  "Hmm.  I wonder....  Computer, display all messages sent and received by this console
in the last ten minutes."  The computer complied rapidly.  B'Elanna scanned the communications
quickly, and laughed when she got to the last one.  "Well, we've certainly done our jobs more than
adequately.  Look at this."

Seven moved over to stand behind B'Elanna, and read over the shorter woman's shoulder.  "I have
completed Phase Two?"

"Yeah, perfectly.  Good job.  Now, the captain should see this too.  Torres to Janeway."

"Go ahead."

"I have some messages between Tom and Harry that I retrieved from a console that Harry said was
malfunctioning.  I came down here to check it, and I found the messages.  You need to read them. 
I assume you're in your ready room."  It was more a statement than a question.

"Yes.  Transmit them to my console."

"Oh, captain, try not to kill Tom when you read one part of it.  I need him in one piece to get even."

"I won't kill him," Kathryn promised.

"Thanks.  Torres out."  She instructed the computer to send the messages to the ready room console,
and went back to Engineering.

*****

Kathryn walked into the holodeck to see B'Elanna and Seven curled up in the padded chairs of the
audience section.  They were talking and B'Elanna was laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Seven just wondered what Tom's reaction will be when we perform," B'Elanna explained.  "He has
the next line."

"They'll have to improvise," Kathryn said.

They continued talking, changing the subject to men because they knew that the objects of their
conversation would walk in at any moment.  They were too curious to not want to hear the topic of
this discussion.

Tom and Harry sauntered in, talking in low voices.  When Harry saw B'Elanna rise to greet them, he
almost turned and ran, but instead faced her bravely.  "Hi."

"Hey, Harry.  Hi, Tom.  Do you guys want anything to drink?"

"Um... no.  But thanks," Tom answered.  Harry shook his head.

"Okay," B'Elanna replied, sticking herself to Tom's side.  She let him lead her over to the stage. 
When they were seated, he gazed at her, looking puzzled.

"B'El, why have you been acting so weird lately?" Tom asked.

"I guess I have been kind of out of it the last couple days," she admitted.  Tell him what he wants to
hear, she repeated in her mind.

"So?" he inquired again, staring at her.

"I'll be fine now," she promised.

"Why were you acting like that?" he asked.

B'Elanna thought quickly.  "I.... I guess I'm still insecure. I don't understand why you love me when
you could have almost any woman in the quadrant."  At least that was sort of true, she admitted to
herself.  She wasn't sure why Tom loved her, but as long as he did, that would be enough for her.

"B'El, I love you because you're you.  You're brave, and strong, and you cared enough to try and get
beneath that mask I've been wearing since we were sent here by the Caretaker.  I love you with all
my heart, and I will until the day I die.  I promise."  He brushed his lips against her palm.

"Oh, Tom, I love you too."  They were quickly caught up in a passionate kiss.

"Um, guys?" Harry interjected, and the couple broke apart guiltily when they realized that the room
was now full, and everyone was watching them.

The rehearsal went along smoothly again.  This time, Kathryn and Seven complained about men
loudly at every single opportunity that presented itself.  B'Elanna stuck to Tom's side, doing whatever
he asked.  She left with the other women, and he stayed behind, head on his balled-up uniform jacket,
staring up at the ceiling, thinking about her.

"Tom?" Harry asked, approaching with Chakotay.  "We need to talk to you.  Have you noticed a
change in Seven and the captain?"

"Yeah.  They spent all afternoon bitching about men.  I wouldn't go near them now if you threatened
to make me ride the rest of the way home in an EVA suit tethered to the nacelles," Tom smirked.

"So you saw it too," Chakotay commented.  "And B'Elanna?"

"Too.... docile.  I've never been able to just say something and have her do it.  She usually puts up
a fight."  Tom sighed.  Maybe this play hadn't been such a great idea after all.

"Yeah.  She was too... not Klingon.  Her Klingon side isn't submissive at all," Harry considered.

"Maybe they're up to something," Chakotay thought aloud.

"Maybe," Tom conceded, "but I don't think so.  Seven isn't that subtle yet.  And B'Elanna isn't that
sneaky.  The captain... maybe."

"Maybe," Chakotay said doubtfully.  "We only have a day left until we perform.  Do you think we'll
have it ready in time?"

"Yeah, we'll be fine onstage.  It's offstage I'm worried about," Tom sighed.

*****

In B'Elanna's quarters, the three women were discussing their plan.  "Now that we've got them
thinking we hate them, it's time to apologize."  Kathryn's eyes twinkled as she spoke.  She was having
fun with this.  She loved mind games, especially when the target deserved it.  And these targets most
definitely deserved it.  They hadn't objected at the roles assigned to the others.  They were willing to
let Kathryn and B'Elanna act as though women were the slaves of mankind.  Well, these women
would teach them a lesson they wouldn't soon forget.

"So I should tell Harry I'm sorry for the way I acted?" Seven asked.

"Yeah," B'Elanna replied.  "Just don't mention why you acted like that."

"What if he asks?"

"Lie," Kathryn said.

"I... cannot lie.  I don't know how," Seven stated shyly.

"Just don't mention the plan at all," B'Elanna explained.

"I think I can do that," Seven agreed.

"Good.  Now, have you two seen your costumes yet?" Kathryn said.  The others shook their heads,
and she continued.  "Let's go back to the holodeck then.  We need to make sure they fit."

The women left the room, heading back to the holodeck.  On the way there, they ran into Chakotay,
Tom, and Harry.  B'Elanna threw herself into Tom's arms.  Seven and Kathryn quickly apologized
for their recent behaviour.  Seven's worry had been justified; Harry did ask why.  She glanced rapidly,
almost imperceptibly, at Kathryn, and told him that some of her Borg memories were almost
overwhelming at times.  He seemed to accept it easily.  They parted before anyone else could ask
questions that couldn't be answered easily, and walked backstage to the dressing rooms that Tom had
created.

When B'Elanna entered her room, she saw a long rack of dresses.  She flipped through them, and
looked at the beautifully rich colours of the material.  Tom had an excellent eye for colour.  Every
single dress complemented her skin tone.  She fingered the soft material of a royal purple dress,
wondering what exactly it was.  She walked out the door, and went next door, to Kathryn's room.

Kathryn was standing in the middle of the room holding a long emerald dress.  She was stroking the
fabric absently, and her mind seemed a million light years away.  "He's good at colours, isn't he?"
B'Elanna whispered.

"He sure is.  This is one of my best colours.  What colours did he pick for you?"

"Burgundies, dark purple, and forest greens, mostly.  I must have at least eight dresses in there."  She
walked over to Kathryn's rack, and flipped through the dresses.  Blues, greens, and plums.

Just then, Seven entered, also carrying a dress.  Hers was apricot.  "I have a question.  It's been a long
time since I wore a dress, before I was assimilated.  How do you walk in one?"

Kathryn laughed, and explained, "These dresses are long.  Just walk as you would in pants."

"Okay," Seven said, making both women do a double take.  Seven was learning slang?

Kathryn laid the dress carefully on the couch, and they left, closing the door.  Seven returned to her
room, and put her own dress away.  B'Elanna went back in, and asked Kathryn about the material.

"It's velvet.  Feels heavenly, doesn't it?"  She fingered the material herself.  "This must be the one for
the wedding feast at the end, and this one," she indicated a cream gown, "must be for your wedding."

"It's so beautiful.  I can't believe he did this for me.  He's so sweet," she sighed.

Kathryn watched her face develop a dreamy, faraway look.  She smiled, and left B'Elanna alone with
her thoughts.

*****

The next evening, B'Elanna sat on the couch of her dressing room nervously.  She was playing with
the hem of the dark green dress when a blue light caught her eye.  The transporter beam coalesced
into a vase filled with roses.  She walked over to them, and ran a finger down one of the soft petals. 
Then she noticed the way the roses were arranged.  Each flower was intertwined with another.  Every
pair was identical: a brilliant red rose, and a crimson one.  She smiled fondly as she realized what they
represented.

Just then, the door chimed.  "It's time," Neelix whispered excitedly.

B'Elanna headed out into the wings of the stage and waited.

*****

The first act went smoothly.  B'Elanna accused Tuvok of favouring Kathryn, and Chakotay and the
Doctor switched characters.  Harry and a hologram playing the role of Gremio dismissed the idea of
marrying B'Elanna.  The curtain fell, and the cast congratulated themselves on a job well done. 
"We're not done yet," said Tom.  "Another four acts to go."  The cast groaned.

The curtain rose again to a full holodeck.  Chakotay and Harry disguised themselves as teachers,
Cambio and Litio, respectively, to win Kathryn's love.  Near the end of the first scene, Tuvok
finished, "...Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?"

Tom answered, "I pray you do.  I'll attend her here -"  He paused as the rest of the cast exited, leaving
him alone on the stage, and then continued.

"And woo her with some spirit when she comes!
Say that she rail, why then I'll tell her plain
She sings as sweetly as a nightingale.
Say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clear
As morning roses newly washed with dew.
Say she be mute and will not speak a word,
Then I'll commend her volubility
And say she uttereth piercing eloquence.
If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks
As though she bid me stay by her a week.
If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day
When I shall ask the banns, and when be married.
But here she comes - and now, Petruchio, speak."

B'Elanna entered slowly, very much in character.  She was enjoying this, and couldn't wait to give
Tom a taste of his own medicine.

Tom finished, "Good morrow, Kate, for that's your name, I hear."

B'Elanna replied, "Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing.
They call me Katherine that do talk of me."

"You lie, in faith, for you are called plain Kate,
And bonny Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst.
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom,
Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate
(For dainties are all Kates) - and therefore, Kate,
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation:
Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,
Thy virtues spoken of, and thy beauty sounded
(Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs),
Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife."  Tom spoke the last line from the heart, and B'Elanna
saw that bit of truth in his eyes.

"'Moved,' in good time!  Let him that moved you hither
Remove you hence.  I knew you at the first
You were a movable."  She remembered the way she'd first thought of Tom Paris, at least until that
disaster in the Viidian prison, when he'd comforted her human half.

"Why, what's a movable?"

"A joint stool."  She tried not to laugh, knowing that the next line would signal the return of Tom the
pig.

"Thou hast hit it.  Come, sit on me."  Tom almost laughed at the look on her face, halfway between
laughing at how much like his former self that line was and wanting to hurt him.  She settled on
staying in character.

"Asses are made to bear, and so are you," she retorted.

"Women are made to bear, and so are you."  Tom leered at her, and heard several gasps from the
audience. no doubt people hoping that B'Elanna wasn't taking these lines too seriously.  Otherwise,
Tom would need the Doctor's services right away.

B'Elanna glared at him, putting her hands on her hips.  That was another line she objected to.  "No
such jade as you, if me you mean.

"Alas, good Kate, I will not burden thee,
For knowing thee to be but young and light -"

"Too light for such a swain as you to catch,
And yet as heavy as my weight should be."  B'Elanna realized that they were reliving their first
months on Voyager.  This way close to how they'd acted.  He would come on to her, she'd make
some remark, and it would begin again.  What had changed?

"'Should be' - should buzz!"

"Well ta'en, and like a buzzard."

"O slow-winged turtle, shall a buzzard take thee?"

"Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard."

"Come, come, you wasp! I' faith, you are too angry."  Tom recalled saying something similar to
B'Elanna in their first year on Voyager, in Standard, of course.  He'd told her she was too angry with
the galaxy.  She'd punched him in the stomach for his concern.

"If I be waspish, best beware my sting."  B'Elanna almost laughed again.  Everyone was afraid of her
sting.  Most of her engineering staff had seen what she'd done to Carey and Vorik in fits of anger, and
didn't want to provoke her.

"My remedy is then to pluck it out."  Tom smiled at her sincerely.  He knew he was one of the few
people who wasn't afraid of B'Elanna's legendary temper.  If he had been, he wouldn't have assigned
her this role, and she wouldn't be doing that speech at the end.  He had the computer set to record
that part of the play.  He wanted to send it all over the ship.

"Ay, if the fool could find where it lies."

"Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting?
In his tail," Tom said.

"In his tongue," B'Elanna contradicted him.

"Whose tongue?" he asked curiously.  He'd always loved acting, whether it was on a stage or in life.

"Yours, if you talk of tales, and so farewell," she snapped, still feeling the sensation of deja vu, even
though she knew it was justified.

"What, with my tongue in your tail?
Nay, come again, good Kate.  I am a gentleman -" he began, leering at her again.

B'Elanna was losing her temper, both with Petruchio and with Tom for making her be in this stupid
play.  "That I'll try," she yelled, slapping him across the face.  The sound of skin against skin echoed
throughout the cavernous amphitheatre.

Silence reigned for a few moments, until Tom said his next line in an irritated voice, "I swear I'll cuff
you if you strike again."

"So may you lose your arms.
If you strike me, you are no gentleman,
And if no gentleman, why then no arms."  She gripped his forearms, and her intention to rip them out
was unmistakable, both to the audience and to Tom, who prayed silently that she was just acting, and
would let him keep his arms.

"A herald, Kate?  O, put me in thy books," he said pleasantly.

"What is your crest?  A coxcomb?" she scoffed.

"A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen."  He gazed at her lovingly, not acting again.

"No cock of mine.  You crow too like a craven."  B'Elanna echoed the sentiments of other words
she'd said almost three years ago.  She'd insisted that she'd never become another one of Tom Paris'
conquests.  And now she was in love with him.  How had things changed so quickly?

"Nay, come, Kate, come," he pleaded,  "You must not look so sour."

"It is my fashion when I see a crab."

Tom looked at her innocently.  "Why, here's no crab, and therefore look not sour."

"There is, there is," she argued.

"Then show it me."

"Had I a glass, I would," she smirked.

"What, you mean my face?" Tom asked, acting hurt.

"Well aimed of such a young one," B'Elanna said, glaring at him.

"Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you."  Tom stifled a laugh.  He was the older of the two,
but only by a few months.

"Yet you are withered," she snapped.  She was having entirely too much fun with this.  It felt good
to be taking out all her frustrations about Tom on him.  And this way nothing got broken, not bones
or breakable possessions, and he assumed it was just an act.

"'Tis with cares."  He gazed down at her, entreating her to love him.  Neither was sure whether the
look was an act or not.

"I care not."  She spun in place, turning her back on him.

He walked up behind her, and turned her back around to face him, holding her hands so she couldn't
leave.  "Nay, hear you, Kate - in sooth, you 'scape not so.

She struggled with him, realizing this gesture echoed their actions in the Argala habitat on the Nyrian
ship.  "I chafe you if I tarry.  Let me go."  In a gesture visible only to Tom, she bared her teeth
slightly, threateningly.

He stood up to her.  "No, not a whit.  I find you passing gentle.
'Twas told me you were rough, and coy, and sullen,
And now I find report a very liar."  That sounded very much like what the Maquis had told him of
B'Elanna right after the two crews were combined.  And he had indeed proven them wrong.  He
continued, speaking from his heart.  "For thou art pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,
But slow in speech, yet sweet as springtime flowers.
Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,
Nor bite the lip as angry wenches will,
Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk
But thou with mildness entertain'st thy wooers,
With gentle conference, soft, and affable.
Why does the world report that Kate doth limp?
O sland'rous world!  Kate like the hazel twig
Is straight, and slender, and as brown in hue
As hazel nuts, and sweeter than the kernels.
O, let me see thee walk!  Thou dost not halt."

She sneered at him disdainfully, twisting her wrists violently to escape his strong grip, even though
she could get away from him at any moment, and he was completely aware of that.  "Go, fool, and
whom thou keep'st command."

"Did ever Dian so become a grove
As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?
O, be thou Dian and let her be Kate
And then let Kate be chaste and Dian sportful."  Tom pulled her closer to him.  It occurred to him
that this was a similar position to the one they'd been in when they were beamed back to the Nyrian
habitat.

"Where did you study all this goodly speech?"  B'Elanna glared at him.

Tom looked down at her fondly.  "It is extempore, from my mother wit."

"A witty mother, witless else her son."  B'Elanna didn't exactly love that line either.  She thought Tom
was a brilliant man, not the idiot womanizer many others thought he was.

"Am I not wise?" he asked, searching her eyes as Tom, not Petruchio.

"Yes, keep you warm."  She didn't really understand that line, but she'd assumed it wasn't very nice.

"Marry, so I mean, sweet Katherine, in thy bed."  B'Elanna scowled at him, and he grinned at her
before continuing.  "And therefore, setting all this chat aside,
Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented
That you shall be my wife, your dowry 'greed on,
And, will you, nill you, I will marry you.
Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn,
For by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,
Thy beauty that doth make me like thee well,
Thou must be married to no man but me.
For I am he born to tame you, Kate,
And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate
Conformable as other household Kates."  Tom spoke seriously, but not from the heart.   He loved
B'Elanna's fire, her spirit.  Life would always be interesting with her.  He broke off as Tuvok, the
Doctor, and the other hologram entered, and B'Elanna spun in his grasp.

"Here comes your father.  Never make denial.
I must and will have Katherine to my wife."  He was adamant about that, both in the play, and in real
life.  He wanted to be with her forever, but he knew that she disliked marriage.  After all, it hadn't
kept her own father around.  So, for now at least, Tom would leave the subject alone.  Someday, he
promised himself.

"Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?" Tuvok asked curiously.  For a Vulcan,
he was amazingly good at portraying the emotions of a character.

"How but well, sir?  How but well?
It were impossible I should speed amiss."  Tom tried to suppress a laugh.  Everyone had said that
getting B'Elanna to love him would be impossible, but she did, didn't she?

"Why, how now, daughter Katherine?  In your dumps?" Tuvok asked, glancing at B'Elanna, whose
arms were held tightly behind her back by Tom.

B'Elanna glared at Tuvok.  Here was another chance to take out her problems with another officer
on that person.  "Call you me daughter?  Now I promise you
You have shown a tender fatherly regard,
To wish me wed to one half-lunatic,
A madcap ruffian and a swearing Jack,
That thinks with oaths to face the matter out."  She fairly spat the words out.

"Father, 'tis thus: yourself and all the world
That talked of her have talked amiss of her.
If she be curst, it is for policy,
For she's not froward, but modest as the dove;
She is not hot, but temperate as the morn.
For patience she will prove a second Grissel,
And Roman Lucrece for her chastity.
And to conclude, we have 'greed so well together
That upon Sunday is the wedding day."  Tom looked down at B'Elanna, who had turned again to face
him, and continued to struggle in his arms.  He thought she was about to spit in his face.

"I'll see thee hanged on Sunday first," she insisted loudly.

"Hark, Petruchio, she says she'll see thee hanged first," the holocharacter remarked.

"Is this your speeding?  Nay, then, goodnight our part."  The Doctor was an exceptional actor. 
B'Elanna had downloaded portions of holoplays into his program so he would have some acting
experience.

"Be patient, gentlemen.  I choose her for myself.
If she and I be pleased, what's that to you?
'Tis bargained 'twixt us twain, being alone,
That she shall still be curst in company.
I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe
How much she loves me.  O, the kindest Kate!
She hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss
She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath,
That in a twink she won me to her love."  Tom smiled softly.  That part was true.  He'd loved her
since long before she'd admitted her own love for him.  He took a deep breath and went on.  "O, you
are novices!  'Tis a world to see
How tame, when men and women are alone,
A meacock wretch can make the curstest shrew. -
Give me thy hand, Kate.  I will unto Venice
To buy apparel 'gainst the wedding day. -
Provide the feast, father, and bid the guests,
I will be sure my Katherine shall be fine."

Tuvok attempted to look speechless.  "I know not what to say, but give me your hands.
God send you joy, Petruchio.  'Tis a match."  He touched Tom's hands lightly, and felt Tom's thoughts
flow into him, the residue of his mind meld with Tom.  Tom truly loved B'Elanna, as much as he
loved T'Pel.

"Amen, say we.  We will be witnesses," the two holograms said.

Tom finally released his tight hold on B'Elanna's arms to spin her around to face him.  She rubbed her
wrists unobtrusively.  "Father, and wife, and gentlemen, adieu.
I will to Venice.  Sunday comes apace.
We will have rings, and things, and fine array,
And kiss me, Kate.  We will be married o' Sunday."  He kissed her deeply, prompting whistles and
catcalls from the audience and from the wings, where the rest of the cast was waiting.  He pushed her
roughly toward the opposite wing, and walked off.

Offstage, Tom sunk into one of the ancient beanbag chairs he'd replicated for just this purpose.  He
listened as the holograms bargained with Tuvok about Kathryn's dowry.  The Doctor eventually won,
in the name of Chakotay's character.  In the middle of the argument, B'Elanna ran up to him, and
jumped into his lap.  Her soft skirt covered him like a blanket.  When she was comfortable, the only
part of Tom that could be seen was his head sticking up from the middle of a sea of forest green and
his arms wrapped tightly around B'Elanna's waist.  "That was fun!" she exclaimed joyfully.  "Can we
do another play next month?"

"B'El, calm down.  We still have three acts to go.  We should finish this one before you start planning
the next one."  He loved her enthusiasm.  The only things she truly loved were him and her engines. 
It pleased him to have been able to give her something else to do in her spare time.

"People, people, it's time for the third act!" Neelix shouted.  His costume was just as garish as his
everyday wardrobe.  B'Elanna wondered absently if colour-blindness was a trait of all Talaxians.  She
remembered some of the others of Neelix's race they'd met who seemed to dress as... brightly as their
morale officer did.

"We're coming, Neelix," muttered Kathryn.  She swept the long skirt up off the floor, since it was
hindering her movements.  Chakotay and Harry followed close behind.  She took her place on the
stage, curled up on a couch, book in her hands.  Chakotay stood near her, and Harry, holding a lute,
stayed nearby, playing with the strings.  The curtain rose.

Chakotay glared over at Harry.  "Fiddler, forbear.  You grow too forward, sir.
Have you so soon forgot the entertainment
Her sister Katherine welcomed you withal?"  Harry hid a smile, remembering a scene in the second
act where B'Elanna had supposedly broken the lute over his head.  He'd let her do the honours
backstage, and she'd seemed to enjoy it.

"But, wrangling pedant, this is
The patroness of heavenly harmony.
Then give me leave to have prerogative,
And when in music we have spent an hour,
Your lecture shall have leisure as much," Harry said.  He loved being the music teacher.  It suited
him.

"Preposterous ass, that never read so far
To know the cause why music was ordained.
Was it not to refresh the mind of man
After his studies or his usual pain?
Then give me leave to read philosophy,
And, while I pause, serve in your harmony," Chakotay remarked.

"Sirrah, I will not bear these braves of thine," Harry responded.

Kathryn glared at both of them.  "Why, gentlemen, you do me double wrong
To strive for that which resteth in my choice.
I am no breeching scholar in the schools.
I'll not be tied to hours, not 'pointed times,
But learn my lessons as I please myself.
And, to cut off all strife, here sit we down."  She turned to Harry.  "Take you your instrument, play
you the whiles;
His lecture will be done ere you have tuned."

Harry stayed in character, acting nervous.  "You'll leave his lecture when I am in tune?

Chakotay rolled his eyes, and whispered to himself, but loud enough that the audience could hear him,
"That will be never."  He continued, even louder this time.  "Tune your instrument."  Harry took his
instrument and stepped into a corner.

"Where left we last?"  Kathryn asked softly.

Chakotay lifted a book off a small table by the couches, and opened it up.  "Here, madam:
Hic ibat Simois, hic est Sigeia tellus,
Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis."

Kathryn looked at him, confused.  "Conster them."

Chakotay bent closer to her, dark eyes gleaming.  He said the foreign words loudly and his own
softly.  "Hic ibat, as I told you before, Simois, I am Lucentio, hic est, son unto Vincentio of Pisa,
Sigeia tellus, disguised thus to get your love, Hic steterat, and that 'Lucentio' that comes a-wooing,
Priami, is my man Tranio, regia, bearing my port, celsa senis, that we may beguile the old pantaloon."

Just then, Harry came over.  "Madam, my instrument's in tune."

"Let's hear," instructed Kathryn.  Harry played a few notes, very off tune.  She winced, knowing how
difficult it must have been for Harry to tune wrong, since he had perfect pitch.  "Oh fie, the treble
jars!"

"Spit in the hole, man, and tune again," Chakotay said disdainfully.  Harry glared at him and went
back to his corner.

"Now let me see if I can conster it.  Hic ibat Simois, I know you not; hic est Sigeia tellus, I trust you
not; Hic steterat Priami, take heed he hear us not; regia, presume not; celsa senis, despair not." 
Kathryn's eyes lit up as she said the last line.  She used them to tell Chakotay that she really did mean
it.

"Madam, 'tis now in tune."  Harry played another few notes, in tune now.

"All but the bass," Chakotay commented.

"The bass is right.  'Tis the base knave that jars," Harry snapped.  It felt wrong to be snapping at his
commanding officer.  He continued in a stage whisper.  "How fiery and forward our pedant is.  Now
for my life the knave doth court my love!
Pedascule, I'll watch you better yet."

"In time I may believe, yet I mistrust," Kathryn whispered genuinely to Chakotay.

"Mistrust it not, for sure Aeacides
Was Ajax, called so from his grandfather," he replied.

"I must believe my master; else, I promise you,
I should be arguing still upon that doubt.
But let it rest. -  Now, Litio, to you.
Good master, take it not unkindly, pray,
That I have been thus pleasant with you both," she said pleasantly.

"You may go walk, and give me leave awhile.
My lessons make no music in three parts," Harry stated.

"Are you so formal, sir?  Well, I must wait."  He paused for an instant before continuing softly.  "And
watch withal, for, but I be deceived,
Our fine musician groweth amorous."  He stepped aside, but stayed on the stage.

Harry began his lesson.  "Madam, before you touch the instrument,
To learn the order of my fingering
I must begin with rudiments of art,
To tech you gamut in a briefer sort,
More pleasant, pithy, and effectual
Than hath been taught by any of my trade.
And there it is in writing fairly drawn."

"Why, I am past my gamut long ago."  Kathryn looked shocked.

"Yet read the gamut of Hortensio," Harry replied, handing her a sheet of paper.

Kathryn took the yellowed piece of paper and read from it.  "'Gamut I am, the ground of all accord:
A re, to plead Hortensio's passion;
B mi, Bianca take him for thy lord,
C fa ut, that loves with all affection;
D sol re, one clef, two notes have I;
E la mi, show pity or I die.'"  She placed the paper on the table next to the book Chakotay had read
from, and turned to Harry.  "Call you this 'gamut'?  Tut, I like it not.
Old fashions please me best.  I am not so nice
To change true rules for odd inventions."  She glared at him.

Harry didn't get a chance to respond, since a hologram playing a servant entered.  "Mistress, your
father prays you leave your books
And help to dress your sister's chamber up.
You know tomorrow is the wedding day."

"Farewell, sweet masters both.  I must be gone," she said sweetly.

"Faith, mistress, then I have no cause to stay," Chakotay told her, and left with her and the hologram.

Harry stared after them for a moment.  "But I have cause to pry into this pedant.
Methinks he looks as though he were in love.
Yet if thy thoughts, Bianca, be so humble
To cast thy wand'ring eyes on every stale,
Seize thee that list!  If once I find thee ranging,
Hortensio will be quit with thee by changing."   He exited the same way they'd left.

The second scene of the act began right away.  Tom and B'Elanna were married.  Tom showed up
late, and dressed as a clown.  He threatened the priest, and took B'Elanna away from the wedding
feast, pretending to be protecting her from her interfering family.  As the curtain fell, everyone sighed
in relief.  They were almost done.

*****

Kathryn was changing into her next dress when someone knocked on the door to her dressing room. 
"Who is it?" she shouted.

"It's me," Chakotay said.

She struggled for a moment with the zipper on the back of her dress, then gave up halfway.  "Come
in."  He walked in, and she asked, "Can you please help me do up this dress?"

He nervously went over to where she was standing, head tilted forward to allow him access to the
zipper.  He pulled softly on it, and it went up.  "There."

She shook her hair back, giving him a grin.  "Thanks.  Ready for the next act?"

"Not really.  I was just wondering....  What do you think about Tom deciding on this play and giving
the role of Katherine to B'Elanna?"  He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"I think our favourite helmsman is suicidal," she laughed.  "Now, let's go."  She took his arm, and
they headed to the wings.
Onstage, some holograms were talking about the trip that Tom and B'Elanna had taken to Tom's
home in the country.  From what they were saying, it was obvious that Tom was being rude to his
new wife.  Suddenly, Tom burst in the doors and started yelling for food.  When he didn't get what
he wanted, he started beating the holograms.  B'Elanna tried her best to look as though she didn't
want to do the same thing, since she hated seeing Tom angry, even though she knew it was an act. 
Eventually, they departed, leaving the servants to wonder about his behaviour.

All the servants ran off as they heard Tom returning.  He glared after them, and face the audience to
speak.  "Thus I have politicly begun my reign,
And 'tis my hope to end successfully.
My falcon is now sharp and passing empty,
And, till she stoop, she must not be full-gorged,
For then she never looks upon her lure.
Another way I have to man my haggard,
To make her come and know her keeper's call.
That is, to watch her, as we watch these kites
That bate and beat and will not be obedient.
She ate no meat today, nor none shall eat.
Last night she slept not, nor tonight she shall not.
As with the meat, some undeserved fault
I'll find about the making of the bed,
And here I'll fling the pillow, there the bolster,
This way the coverlet, another way the sheets.
Ay, amid this hurly I intend
That all is done in reverend care of her.
And, in conclusion, she shall watch all night,
And, if she chance to nod, I'll rail and brawl,
And with the clamour keep her still awake.
This is a way to kill a wife with kindness.
And thus I'll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
Now let him speak; 'tis charity to shew."  He gazed off into the audience, as if daring them to
respond.  No one said anything, but as he turned to walk off, the only thing visible in the darkness
were the two glowing spots of B'Elanna's eyes.

He walked slowly into the wings, and B'Elanna wrapped her arms around his neck.  "You better not
have meant all that, Helmboy."

"Of course not!" he insisted.  "I love you just the way you are.  I love your fire.  It's always fun when
you're around.  Makes things interesting."  He kissed her.

Beneath his lips, he was almost certain B'Elanna whispered, "Just wait till the final act..."  Maybe it
was his imagination....  He broke off the kiss, and watched Harry and the Doctor head onto the stage.

"Is 't possible, friend Litio, that mistress Bianca
Doth fancy any other but Lucentio?
I tell you, sir, she bears me fair in hand," the Doctor commented.

Harry glared at him impatiently.  "Sir, to satisfy you in what I have said
Stand by, and mark the manner of his teaching."  They moved off into the shadows, still onstage, but
barely visible.  Kathryn and Chakotay walked on, arm in arm.

"Now, mistress, profit you in what you read?" Chakotay asked.

"What, master, read you?  First resolve me that," she replied.

"I read that I profess, The Art to Love."  His eyes were bright with unspoken feelings.

Kathryn recognised the look in his eyes, for it was reflected in hers.  "And may you prove, sir, master
of your art."

He took her hands, and pulled her close.  "While you, sweet dear, prove mistress of my heart."  He
kissed her softly, and they heard a collective gasp from the assembled crew.  He pulled her off into
another shadowed alcove, and they continued whispering, not as Bianca and Lucentio, but as Kathryn
and Chakotay.

"Quick proceeders, marry!  Now tell me, I pray,
You that durst swear that your mistress Bianca
Loved none in the world so well as Lucentio," Harry said.

"O despiteful love, unconstant womankind!
I tell thee, Litio, this is wonderful!" the Doctor exclaimed.

"Mistake no more.  I am not Litio,
Nor a musician as I seem to be,
But one that scorn to live in this disguise
For such a one as leaves a gentleman
And makes a god of such a cullion.
Know, sir, that I am called Hortensio," he stated smugly.

"Signior Hortensio, I have often hears
Of your entire affection to Bianca,
And since mine eyes are witness of her lightness,
I will with you, if you be so contented,
Forswear Bianca and her love forever," the Doctor proposed.

"See how they kiss and court!  Signior Lucentio,
Here is my hand, and here I firmly vow
Never to woo her more, but do forswear her
As one unworthy all the former favours
That I have fondly flattered her withal."

The Doctor took Harry's outstretched hand to shake it.  "And here I take the unfeigned oath,
Never to marry with her, though she would entreat.
Fie on her, see how beastly she doth court him!"

"Would all the world but he had quite forsworn!
For me, that I may surely keep mine oath,
I will be married to a wealthy widow
Ere three days pass, which hath as long loved me
As I have loved this proud disdainful haggard.
And so farewell, Signior Lucentio."  Harry couldn't wait to be 'married', knowing that the widow was
in fact Seven. He quickly finished his lines.  "Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks,
Shall win my love, and so I take my leave,
In resolution as I swore before."  He swaggered confidently off the stage as Kathryn and Chakotay
came into the light.

"Mistress Bianca, bless you with such grace
As 'longeth to a lover's blessed case!
Nay, I have ta'en you napping, gentle love,
And have forsworn you with Hortensio," the Doctor informed her.

"Tranio, you jest.  But have you both forsworn me?" she asked incredulously.

"Mistress, we have."

"Then we are rid of Litio," said Chakotay.

"I' faith, he'll have a lusty widow now
That shall be wooed and wedded in a day," commented the Doctor.

"God give him joy," murmured Kathryn.

"Ay, and he'll tame her."

Kathryn looked at him disbelievingly.  "He says so, Tranio?"

The Doctor glanced at her, as if debating whether or not to reply.  "Faith, he is gone unto the taming
school," he explained finally.

"The taming school?  What, is there such a place?" she remarked, astounded.

"Ay, mistress, and Petruchio is the master,
That teacheth tricks eleven and twenty long
To tame a shrew and charm her chattering tongue," the hologram sighed.  Another holographic
servant ran in, programmed to be out of breath.

"O master, master, I have watched so long
That I am dog-weary, but at last I spied
An ancient angel coming down the hill
Will serve the turn."  He stopped, placing his hands on his knees.

"What is he, Biondello?" the Doctor inquired.

"Master, a marcantant, or a pedant,
I know not what, but formal in apparel,
In gait and countenance surely like a father."

"And what of him, Tranio?" Chakotay asked curiously.

"If he be credulous, and trust my tale,
I'll make him glad to seem Vincentio
And give assurance to Baptista Minola
As if he were the right Vincentio
Take in your love, and then let me alone."  The Doctor motioned for Kathryn and Chakotay to exit,
and they did, disappearing into the dark wings.

*****

The biological members of the senior staff watched, amused, as a group of holograms acted out the
end of the scene.  The merchant had turned out to be a good match for Vincentio, who would
eventually be played by Neelix.  Tom had programmed the hologram to look sort of like their
Talaxian chef, but not enough so that the difference was difficult to detect.

The next scene of the act was put on mostly by Tom and B'Elanna.  A few random holocharacters
were tossed in here or there.  B'Elanna begged Tom's chief servant to bring her food, but he
continued to refuse.  Then Tom entered with a tailor, and ruined the dress B'Elanna was to wear to
her sister's wedding.  She almost shed real tears at the sight of the beautiful dress being torn up.  They
continued on their way to the wedding, meeting Neelix, not his double, along the way.  B'Elanna
acted like she agreed with every word Tom said.  In the final scene, the Doctor and the holographic
Neelix double met with Tuvok to finalise the marriage of the Doctor to Kathryn.  Chakotay made
plans to elope with Kathryn, much to the amusement of the audience.

The curtain fell, and the audience eagerly awaited the ending of the play.  B'Elanna, Kathryn, and
Seven stood in the wings whispering excitedly about their final scene.  When Tom went near them,
they stopped abruptly, and dashed off to their dressing rooms as fast as possible while wearing long,
full dresses.  Tom stared after them, confused at their odd behaviour.

*****

B'Elanna walked to the dressing room next to hers to speak to Kathryn.  She lifted the edge of the
skirt off the floor so she could actually move without tripping.  "Kathryn?" she said softly.  "It's
almost time."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she mumbled.  "I wish I hadn't run out of replicator rations yesterday.  I
need coffee."  The door slid open, and Kathryn came out, muttering about the long skirt.  They went
to the next room to get Seven.

"Could you come in for a minute?" she inquired, sounding nervous, which was unusual for Seven.

The other women entered the dressing room, and found the former Borg seated at the vanity,
brushing out her long blond waves.  "Is my appearance... acceptable?" she asked.

"You look good, Seven.  C'mon.  I have to be on for most of this act."  B'Elanna pulled the woman's
arm and dragged her out the door and into the wings, where the rest of the cast was waiting.

Kathryn and Chakotay began the scene by heading to a church to be married.  Then B'Elanna, Tom,
and Neelix showed up and threatened Chakotay's entire scheme.  Finally, the newly-married couple
appeared, and explained the disguises, asking their parents' forgiveness.

They began the final scene.  The women were anxious to see their plan complete itself, and the men,
not knowing what the women were up to, were anticipating hearing the final speech by B'Elanna. 
The whole cast, accompanied by several holograms, entered the stage.

"At last, though long, our jarring notes agree,
And time it is when raging war is done
To smile at 'scapes and perils overblown.
My fair Bianca, bid my father welcome,
While I with selfsame kindness welcome thine.
Brother Petruchio, sister Katherina,
And thou, Hortensio, with thy loving widow,
Feast with the best, and welcome to my house.
My banquet is to close our stomachs up
After our good cheer.  Pray you, sit down,
For now we sit to chat as well as eat," Chakotay said.  The group sat around a large banquet table.

"Nothing but sit and sit, and eat and eat!" exclaimed Tom.

"Padua affords this kindness, son Petruchio," commented Tuvok impassively.

"Padua affords nothing but what is kind," Tom replied.

"For both our sakes I would that word were true."  Harry looked over at Seven and winked at her. 
She regarded him nervously for a moment, then winked back.

"Now, for my life, Hortensio fears his widow!" Tom cried teasingly.

Seven took a deep breath.  "Then never trust me if I be afeared."

"You are very sensible, and yet you miss my sense:
I mean Hortensio is afeared of you."  Tom leered at her wolfishly.

"He that is giddy thinks the world turns round," she sneered.

"Roundly replied," retorted Tom.

"Mistress, how mean you that?" B'Elanna asked softly, trying to stay in character as much as possible
so she would surprise the cast and the audience with the new ending.

"Thus I conceive by him," Seven snapped.

Tom laughed loudly.  "Conceives by me?  How likes Hortensio that?"

Harry glared at him.  "My widow says, thus she conceives her tale."

"Very well mended.  Kiss him for that, good widow," Tom advised.  Seven was seriously considering
his suggestion when her attention was torn away by the next line.

"'He that is giddy thinks the world turns round' -
I pray you tell me what you meant by that," B'Elanna wondered out loud.

"Your husband being troubled with a shrew
Measures my husband's sorrow by his woe.
And now you know my meaning," Seven scoffed, glaring at the other woman.

B'Elanna placed her hands on her hips.  "A very mean meaning."

"Right, I mean you," Seven shot back.

"And I am mean indeed, respecting you," B'Elanna taunted.  This wordplay was similar to the
arguments that had taken place between the two women right after Seven's arrival on Voyager.

"To her, Kate!" shouted Tom, raising his glass.

"To her, widow!" Harry responded, raising his own drink.

"A hundred marks, my Kate does put her down."  Tom loved this part, being the gambling type.

"That's my office," Harry agreed.

"Spoken like an officer!  Ha' to thee, lad."  Tom lifted his glass in Harry's direction, and drank deeply.

"How likes Gremio these quick-witted folks?" Tuvok asked calmly.

"Believe me, sir, they butt together well," the holographic actor replied.

"Head and butt!  An hasty-witted body
Would say your head and butt were head and horn," Kathryn teased, sitting up from her comfortable
position nestled tightly in Chakotay's arms.

"Ay, mistress bride, hath that awakened you?" Neelix inquired.

"Ay, but not frighted me.  Therefore I'll sleep again."  She settled back into Chakotay's embrace.

"Nay, that you shall not.  Since you have begun,
Have at you for a bitter jest or two," Tom insisted.

"Am I your bird?  I mean to shift my bush,
And then pursue me as you draw your bow. -
You are welcome all."  Kathryn departed, bringing B'Elanna and Seven with her.  They hid in the
wings, preparing for their grand finale.

"She hath prevented me.  Here, Signior Tranio,
This bird you aimed at, though you hit her not. -
Therefore a health to all that shot and missed."  Tom lifted his glass again, wishing that the liquid
within was real wine, not just this boring grape juice.  Even synthehol was too risky to have onstage.

"O, sir, Lucentio slipped me like his greyhound,
Which runs himself and catches for his master," the Doctor replied.

"A good swift simile, but something currish," Tom sneered.

"'Tis well, sir, that you hunted for yourself.
'Tis thought your deer does hold you at a bay," the Doctor baited him.

"O, O, Petruchio!  Tranio hits you now," Tuvok said clearly.

"I thank thee for that gird, good Tranio," Chakotay said.

"Confess, confess!  Hath he not hit you here?" Harry inquired innocently.

Tom glared at his best friend.  "He has a little galled me, I confess.
And as the jest did glance away from me,
'Tis ten to one it maimed you two outright."

"Now, in good sadness, son Petruchio,
I think thou hast the veriest shrew of all," Tuvok stated.

"Well, I say no.  And therefore, for assurance,
Let's each one send unto his wife,
And he whose wife is most obedient
To come at first when he doth send for her
Shall win the wager which we will propose," Tom suggested.

"Content, what's the wager?" Harry asked.

"Twenty crowns," said Chakotay.

"Twenty crowns?
I'll venture so much of my hawk or hound,
But twenty times so much upon my wife," Tom scoffed.

"A hundred, then," Chakotay replied.

"Content," Harry agreed.

"A match!  'Tis done," said Tom.

"Who shall begin?" Harry asked.

"That will I," Chakotay suggested, turning to a holographic servant.  "Go Biondello, bid your mistress
come to me."

"I go," the hologram replied, exiting the stage in the same direction as the women.

"Son, I'll be your half Bianca comes," Tuvok offered, placing his hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

"I'll have no halves.  I'll bear it all myself."  He paused as the hologram returned.  "How now, what
news?"

The hologram had been programmed to look nervous.  "Sir, my mistress send you word
That she is busy, and she cannot come."

"How?  'She's busy, and she cannot come'?
Is that an answer?" Tom sneered.

"Ay, and a kind one, too.
Pray God, sir, your wife send you not a worse," the Gremio hologram remarked.

"I hope better," Tom said, meaning every word.  He hoped B'Elanna wouldn't try and pull anything.

"Sirrah Biondello, go and entreat my wife
To come to me forthwith," Harry commanded.

"O ho, entreat her!
Nay, then, she must needs come," Tom laughed.

"I am afraid, sir,
Do what you can, yours will not be entreated."  Harry stopped and watched the holographic servant
walk back on stage.  "Now, where's my wife?"

"She says you have some goodly jest in hand.
She will not come.  She bids you come to her."  The hologram looked even more anxious than before.

"Worse and worse.  She will not come!
O vile, intolerable, not to be endured! -
Sirrah Grumio, go to your mistress,
Say I command her come to me," Tom ordered, watching the holographic servant bow as he
departed.

"I know her answer," Harry told him.

"What?"

"She will not."

"The fouler fortune mine, and there an end."  Tom glared at him, and waited for B'Elanna's entrance.

But she never came.  Instead, the holographic servant reentered.  Tom's jaw dropped, and he realized
that B'Elanna had the skills to reprogram his holoactors.  The servant bowed, staying a fair distance
away from Tom.  "Mistress Katherina sits conferring by the parlour fire.
Sir, she refuses to come to you."

Tom gazed at the hologram unbelievingly.  What had she done?  "Grumio, entreat the women come
together," he improvised, praying that they showed up this time.  The servant left the stage again.

"Thy wife is not tamed, sir Petruchio," laughed Harry.  What were they up to?

"And thine is?" Tom replied, going with the flow.  "I did not see her here."

"She will be here before your curst shrew arrives," Harry said.

"And mine first of all," Chakotay interjected, hoping that the women would come back onstage.  A
good portion of the audience looked incredibly confused.  They'd obviously read the play, and had
no idea what was going on.  The play wasn't following the script at all.  B'Elanna was supposed to
enter, and be sent back out to fetch her friends.  Finally, the three women walked casually onto the
stage.

"I do not come on your command," B'Elanna spat.

Tom stared at her for an split second, then decided to respond.  The women obviously knew what
they wanted to say here, but the rest of the cast would just be making it up.  "Ay, mistress, you do. 
For I am thy lord."

"A woman is no more her husband's goods,
Than he is her property," Kathryn sneered.

Chakotay looked at her fondly.  Why didn't it surprise him that these women would find a way to get
even with them for choosing a play that portrayed women as the property of men?  These three were
some of the most headstrong, stubborn people he'd ever met.  "But, my fair Bianca, you are."

"Nay," said Seven.  "We are our own people.
No one rules us but ourselves."

Harry stared at her amazedly, not knowing what to say.  He couldn't believe what they'd pulled.  "But,
widow, wipe the dust from your eyes.
You are in error.  You shall do my bidding."

"I shall not," Seven scoffed contemptuously.

"But a wife's duty is to obey her husband.
Tell them, Katherina, my love,
Of a wife's duty to her husband."  Tom tried to stick to the script as much as possible, just in case
B'Elanna wanted to turn back and say the actual soliloquy, even though he doubted she would.

"She will not," stated Seven impassively.

"Come on, fair wife, do tell these ingrates
What they are required to do," Tom said.

B'Elanna glanced at him, then at her partners in crime.  Kathryn winked and Seven gave her a small
smile.  B'Elanna took a deep breath, preparing herself for the long speech ahead.  They had used most
of Shakespeare's original speech, and just changed a few words here and there to make it say precisely
what they wanted it to.  She stood, facing both Tom and the audience, and hoping her speech would
go over well.

"Fie, fie!  Make thy brow unkind and threat'ning,
And dart scornful glances from those eyes
To wound thy mate, thy husband, thy love.
It clears thy beauty as sunlight on the meads,
Betters thy fame as gentle breezes wave fair buds,
And in every sense is meet and amiable.
A woman moved is like a fountain placid,
Pure, proper, and filled with beauty,
And while it is so, all so dry and thirsty
Will plead to sip or touch one drop of it.
Thy husband is thy peer, thy partner, thy equal,
Thy match, thy companion, one that agrees with thee,
And for thy maintenance commits his body
To painful labour both by sea and land,
To watch the night in storms, the day in cold,
Whilst thou liest warm at home, secure and safe,
And craves no other tribute at thy hands
But thy fair looks and thy true love -
A just payment for so great a debt.
Such duty as the queen owes the king,
Even such all others oweth to their husbands;
And when she is froward, peevish, sullen, sour,
And not obedient to his uncertain will,
What is she but a pleasant contending sister
And graceful counterpart to her loving mate?
I am prideful that women are so ingenious
To offer war when they are in the right,
And seek for rule, supremacy, and sway
When they are told to serve, love, and obey.
Why are our bodies strong, young, and skillful,
Apt to toil and trouble in the world,
But that our determined conditions and our hearts
Should well agree with our external parts?
Come, come, you froward and capable sisters!
My mind is as big as one of yours,
My heart as great, my reason haply more,
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;
And now I see our lances are solid metal,
Our strength as mighty, our power past compare,
That seeming to be most which we indeed are.
Then augment your pride, for it is not futile,
And place your hands upon your hips;
In token of which anger, if he disagrees,
My hands are ready, may they cause him woe."  B'Elanna gazed out at the audience angelically,
knowing that many of them had been expecting Shakespeare's original ending.  Tom had a look of
shock on his face, as did Harry and Chakotay.  Tuvok and the Doctor just looked at her with no trace
of emotion.

Tom stared at B'Elanna, not believing what she'd just done, for a few long moments, until the silence
became unbearable, when he realized that the next line was supposed to be his and he'd better say
something up as quickly as possible.  "Why, my love, thou art still a shrew!
But I love thee with all my heart nevertheless.
Come on, and kiss me, Kate!"

B'Elanna considered her next action, and finally leaned over and kissed him.  "And thou art my true
love till eternity," she whispered.

"'Tis a harsh hearing when children are not toward," commented Tuvok, proving that Vulcans also
had the ability to improvise.

Chakotay recognized what Tuvok had done with the next two lines, and did the same thing.  "But a
good hearing when women are froward."

Tom took B'Elanna's hand, and stood.  "Come, Kate, we'll to bed.
We three are married, and we three are sped."  He turned to Chakotay, and continued, "Not one won
the wager, but you hit the white,
And being a loser, God give you good night."  He bowed to the assembled cast, and left with
B'Elanna.

Harry stared off into the wings after his friends.  "Now, go thy ways, thou hast not tamed a curst
shrew.
Could there even be a way to tame a woman froward?"

Chakotay faced him and shook his head.  "There is no chance she shall be tamed."

The rich burgundy curtain dropped to loud applause, and the rest of the cast left the stage for the
wings.  Tom and B'Elanna were standing about three feet apart, yelling at each other.  Kathryn held
Neelix and Harry back, away from the battling couple.   They continued to shout at each other for
another couple minutes, until Tom gave her his infamous puppy-dog look.  They could almost see
B'Elanna melt into his arms.  They kissed, and came over to the others.

"You didn't have to do that!" Tom protested.  "We would have chosen a different play if you'd only
asked."

"Oh, but it was more fun this way," Kathryn said, grinning.  "Besides, we had to get even with these
two," she gestures to Harry and Chakotay, "for not arguing when you chose the piece."

They looked at her innocently.  Harry complained, "Hey!  We didn't know this play would offend you
so much.  It's almost a thousand years old, you know.  How were we supposed to know you guys
would find it insulting?"

"It is irrelevant to present-day life," Seven replied, adding in her favourite word.

B'Elanna looked up at Tom from her comfortable position in his arms.  "I thought you wanted me to
act like the woman in the story.  It's insulting.  So I got the others to go along with me and teach you
a lesson.  Forgive me?"  She fixed him with her dark chocolate eyes.

"How could I ever resist you?" he murmured, kissing her.  "Now, we need to get back onstage for
curtain call.  Bows," he added, seeing the confused looks on the faces of some of his cast.  "I'll take
the mike."  He grabbed an antique microphone to introduce the cast, who stepped onto the stage one
by one when Tom said their name.  Loud applause accompanied each one.  "Ladies and gentlemen,
Lucentio was played by our very own Commander Chakotay.  Tranio was played by the Doc. 
Hortensio was played by Ensign Harry Kim.  Baptista Minola was played by everyone's favourite
Vulcan, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok.  Vincentio was played by our chef and morale officer, Neelix. 
And as Katherine, the most creative engineer on Voyager, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres."  He paused
when women in the audience started screaming their approval, and giving her a standing ovation. 
B'Elanna stared into the crowd, barely believing what was going on.  She knew a few people would
approve of the change, but not this many.  Tom continued as she curtsied again.  "As Bianca, our
fearless leader, Captain Kathryn Janeway.  Playing the Widow, our favourite former Borg, Seven of
Nine.  And last, but certainly not least, as Petruchio, the best damn pilot in the entire Delta Quadrant,
Lieutenant Tom Paris."  A few whistles came from the audience.  Tom suspected they came from the
Delaney sisters.

The cast took a group bow, and headed backstage to change out of the costumes.  B'Elanna was
trying to undo the back of her dress, without much success, when a knock sounded at her door. 
"B'El?  Can I come in?" Tom asked.

"Yeah," she replied, and the door slid open silently.  He walked softly up behind her and wrapped his
arms around her.

"You want some help unzipping that?" he asked suggestively.

She swivelled in his embrace.  "I'll be fine, thank you.  Now, what did you really think of my little...
revision to Shakespeare's version?"

"I thought it was great.  Right after I finished reading the play, I wished that Katherine could have
stayed a 'shrew'.  I liked her before Petruchio tamed her."

"Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly.

"Positive," he breathed, leaning in close to kiss her.  "Now, hurry up!  We're all switching to
Holodeck Two in fifteen minutes for the cast party."  He kissed her one last time, and spun her
around, undoing the zipper before he left the room.

"I can't believe it," B'Elanna whispered to the air.  "He likes the ending.  Kathryn and B'Elanna are
going to love this."  She quickly changed into one of her own dresses, a short, burgundy one that
Tom loved, and went to the holodeck next door.

When she got there, the party was already in full swing.  The entire senior staff was laughing and
joking, with the exceptions of Kathryn and Chakotay, who were talking softly in a corner.  Someone,
probably Tom, had turned on some old music from the twentieth century.  B'Elanna listened carefully,
and recognized the words "to the moon and back".  She grinned.  This was their song.  When he'd
played it for her for the first time, she'd listened to the words, and had almost started crying,
something she rarely did.  Harry and Seven were in the middle of a dance floor they'd created in their
minds, since no one else was dancing but them.

Tom walked up to her, and held out his hand.  "May I have this dance?  I don't want to leave Harry
and Seven looking foolish all by themselves."  B'Elanna didn't answer, just pulled him onto the make-
believe dance floor and into her arms.

"I love this song," she murmured into his chest.

"The next one's even better," he whispered.  As if cued by Tom's words, the music changed.  B'Elanna
listened closely.

"I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply
I will be strong, I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on

A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky
I'll make a wish to send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty
That we're surrounding by the comfort and protection of

The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me

Oh can you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you
All that you need will surely come

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love
Be everything that you need
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly, madly, deeply

I want to stand with you on a mountain
I want to bathe with you in the sea
I want to lay like this forever
Until the sky falls down on me."

The last strains of music faded off into the holographic night.  "It's beautiful," whispered B'Elanna.

"Like you," replied Tom softly.  "I love you."

"I love you too."

They continued dancing, lost in their own world of dreams, wishes, fantasies, hopes, and love.


The End

~~~~~

Author's notes:

The book I used for the actual parts of The Taming of The Shrew was The New Folger Library
edition.  It's copyrighted 1992 by Washington Square Press.  The editors were Barbara A. Mowat
and Paul Werstine.  It's published by Pocket Books.

The song I keep referring to with the words "to the moon and back" in it is "To the Moon & Back"
by Savage Garden.  If you've never heard it, then you're not a real P/Ter.  It has to be the most P/T
song ever written.

The song played at the party is "Truly, Madly, Deeply" also by Savage Garden (they happen to be one
of my favourite groups, and have incredibly appropriate songs).  It was written by Darren Hayes and
Daniel Jones, and it's copyrighted 1997.

The words "Cambio" pretends to interpret for Bianca were:
Hic ibat Simois, hic est Sigeia tellus,
Hic steterat Priami regia celsa senis.
My footnote in the book translates them as:
Here flowed the Simois; here is the Sigeian land;
Here had stood old Priam's high palace."
They're from Ovid (at least that's what the book says).

If you haven't read The Taming of The Shrew, go read it.  I wrote this to work out my own
frustrations about the ending of the play.  My friends and I were planning on writing our own
soliloquy for Katherine, but I beat them to it.  Tell me what you think of my speech.

Well, that's about it.  Send me feedback!  This story is mine.  Copyright July 1998.--====================987654321_0==_
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