A PAST BEST FORGOTTEN - PG13
Archivist Challenge

PJ in NH
kelhapam@lr.net

Synopsis: B'Elanna receives the Admiral's letter only it is not
what she was hoping to read.

Note:  Takes place during the Hunters episode in response to the
P/T Collective Archivist Challenge.  This is my very first
fanfict so please be kind I have a fragile ego.  

Disclaimer: The characters, Tom and B'Elanna, etc., belong to
Paramount (lets hope they treat them right). I am only using them
to satisfy my own creative needs.

* * * * * * * * 

She reached up and lovingly touched Tom's cheek as he turned to
exit Astrometrics.  Hopefully, the message that they were
receiving from his father would contain words of love,
understanding, and forgiveness, he desperately needed to hear
those words to bring closure to his past.

Well there had been one revelation, he had finally admitted
something to her that she thought she would never hear -- he
cared what his father thought of him.  She and Tom were becoming
closer all the time.  Things that he would never tell anyone
else, he would relate to her, he trusted her.  She knew that that
didn't come easy from her own experiences.  Neither found it easy
to bare own's soul, it just left you more vulnerable.  

During the last several months though, they had both begun to
rely on and trust the other, even more than before.  It had
changed from the beginning of their journey.  First they trusted
each other because they were crew members and friends.  Now they
trusted and depended on each other because not only were they
still crew members and friends but they were also lovers.  Now
they trusted each other with not just their lives but their
hearts.  She had never been that close to anyone, it was a
precious gift as well as a responsibility -- both were welcome.

B'Elanna tried again to retrieve the rest of the Admiral's
message when she received a request for an encryption password
before the text of the message would be displayed.  She
questioned whether she should decode it or wait for Tom to supply
the correct password.  Given Tom's apprehension about receiving a
message from home, she decided to put some of her old Maquis
skills to use.  It was a good thing she was alone in
Astrometrics, she was thankful that Seven was on the away mission
with Tuvok.  It had been a while, but she was sure it wouldn't
take long to crack the password and, if necessary, she could
always put it back into place before Tom read it.

After several anxious minutes she was able to break the password
and the entire letter was finally revealed, paragraph by
paragraph.  Unfortunately, it didn't contain what she hoped it
would.  It only far exceeded her worst fears.

     <From:   Starfleet 
              Admiral Owen Paris

     Thomas,

     I can't believe that I am writing to you, not after our last
     meeting.  You are, after all, not my son anymore, I disowned
     you.  You deserved it.  Even though I gave you the best of
     everything, you continued to let me down.  You could have
     made better grades, achieved better results in sports,
     graduated higher in your Starfleet class, strived for
     something more than just being a pilot, but no -- you just
     couldn't assert yourself or work hard enough.  Apparently
     there wasn't enough 'Paris' in your blood.  What was I to
     do?>

*Tom was right about him, once he formed an opinion he wouldn't
change his mind, but Tom hadn't told her just how cold he could
be.* She tightly shut her eyes and deeply inhaled in an effort
draw upon her inner strength.  Reluctantly she opened her eyes
slowly exhaled and continued to read the message.  

    <I hope you know that if you had listened to me, you wouldn't
    be in the Delta Quadrant now.  After Caldik Prime, if you had
    kept your mouth shut and let my version of the report stand
    you would most likely be at least a Lieutenant Commander by
    now.  But no, you had to have a conscience.  Most likely a
    trait you inherited from your mother. She was always weak,
    don't know what I ever I saw in her.  As a result, you really
    screwed your life up, joined the Maquis, and finally landed
    in prison as a traitor.  A Paris a traitor -- how dare you
    disgrace such a respected Starfleet name!>

*So the Admiral had been involved with the mess at Caldik Prime,
and when Tom tried to make things right, Tom was the one who was
court marshaled.  She wished he had told her, maybe someday he
would, maybe she could help him, comfort him.  Perhaps he just
trying to forget it all and put it behind him.* She gripped the
control panel tightly and began reading again.

    <I don't know where I went wrong with you, what I could have
    done differently.  I keep remembering the old Earth saying
    'spare the rod, spoil the child.'  Apparently, I 'spared the
    rod' too much, though I don't know how that's possible.  Do
    you still have the scars?  If you do, I hope you think of me
    when you see them and are reminded of all you have lost, all
    you could have achieved if you had only done what I asked.>

*So that's where he got those marks on his lower back, the ones
he never talked about.  I always assumed that they were from
prison where they don't always take the time to properly use the
dermal regenerators.  Scars inside and scars outside, there was
still a lot of healing to be done -- and a lot of the healing
could only be done by love.* Reluctantly she turned her attention
back to the rest of the message.

     <If you do ultimately return to Earth in my lifetime, just
     remember one thing, your no son of mine and don't come home,
     as far as I'm concerned you are dead.

     Admiral Owen Paris>

Home?  Well if home was where the heart was both Tom and herself
were already home.  In fact they were probably the only ones on
the ship that could care whether the ship ever got 'home.'  How
ironic, Tom was the chief pilot who would fly the ship back and
her responsibility was to keep Voyager in one piece during that
long trip.  

That small letter had spoken volumes.  His childhood and
adolescent years were certainly not what most assumed. So many
people thought that Tom had such an easy life, even Chakotay,
growing up being the son of an important admiral.  Some of the
crew members still felt that Tom was ungrateful to have had
everything handed to him 'on a silver platter' only to throw it
all away.  Little did anyone know that he had nothing growing up,
nothing that really mattered.  It now made some sense to her. 
Now she knew why he had been so fond of Sandrine, she was
probably the first one to show him kindness and understanding
without caring who his father was.  Why he joined the Maquis was
not as much of a mystery either, maybe he wasn't just trying to
pay off some bar tabs, maybe he was trying desperately to find
something that he could value and care about.

Eventually though he had finally found all he had lost in the
Alpha Quadrant, he found it 70,000 light years away. He found
respect and love. Most of the crew now respected him, not just
because he was an officer but because of whom he was.  He had
made friends, good friends, especially Harry, but also Neelix,
the Doctor, and even Chakotay to name but a few.

There was something else that he found so far away from home --
love.  He now knew that she loved him dearly.  In fact he still
seemed a little incredulous about her feelings, like if he wasn't
careful he would wake up and it would be all gone.  It didn't
even bother her anymore that she hadn't heard those 'three little
words' from him.  She knew just by looking into those blue eyes
and by his actions how he felt.  In fact, in light of his
father's message, it didn't surprise her that he couldn't say
those dear words yet.  At one time, he must have loved and
trusted his father, and that love and trust wasn't returned.  It
would take a little bit longer, a few more blocks would need to
be removed before Tom's walls could be breached, until he could
verbally reveal his true feelings.

She reviewed the message one last time, hardly believing all she
had just read -- how much those few words had revealed.  She had
learned something today, about Tom, his father, and even herself. 
One of the things she learned was that it would have been better
if he hadn't received the letter. . .hadn't receive the letter at
all . . .at all . . .

With one firm push of a button she destroyed the message, the
past was best forgotten.


The End.