"If Only She Knew"
By Emily Home

I don't know whose side I'm taking
But I'm not taking things to well
If only I could see inside. You're aching'
It's still to early for me to tell

Kathryn didn't know if B'Ellana was a fling to show her that he, Tom Paris, 
could have any one or if he was truly in love with her. OF course, she had 
noticed sparks between them but she had dismissed them as just that, sparks.

I try to help you out
Through the hardest tough times
Your heart was in your throat
And I'm speaking my mind

Her mind ran back over the times that she had helped Tom out: Auckland, 
giving him his provisional rank, and countless others.  It was through these 
encounters that she had seen, and fallen hopelessly in love with, another 
side of Tom Paris. As far as she could tell, he had fallen in love with her 
to, although she was now wondering if that was just him falling in love with 
a role model.

Though it looks as if it's over
I'm still not over you
If only she knew

Kathryn let her mind wander over the fact that although he appeared to be 
over, she was most certainly not over Tom Paris. The agony of having to look 
at the back of his beautiful head all day on the bridge was excruciating. 
Idly, she wondered what would happen if her Chief Engineer knew she was 
still in love with Tom. Would it end their already strained friendship' Who 
knew'

I try to let it go but'.
I don't know if I can take it
That look you give me
Made me realize that I can't really fake it

She wondered who wrote this song, it could have been written about her. Ever 
since their breakup two weeks ago, she had been trying to shunt Tom out of 
her life, but she didn't know if she could take the strain. He was 
everywhere, briefings, the bridge, the holodeck, and the staff meetings. And 
that look he had just given her from across the holodeck, that ' I'm having 
a great time, what are you doing watching me'' look. She was so surprised 
that even her 'Captain's Mask' couldn't hide her feelings at that moment.

I know she loves you
And I can't interfere
So I'll just have to sit back
And watch my world disappear

'That was also true,' she thought. B'Ellana had had feelings for Tom since 
Day One and now, she was almost certain that B'Ellana was madly in love with 
Tom. She also knew that she cared enough about Tom that she would do 
anything to keep him happy, even let B'Ellana have him. As for sitting back 
and watching her world disappear, that was true, she had built her life 
around Tom. All her off duty time was spent with him or planning what to do 
with him

I try to help you out
Through the hardest tough times
Your heart was in your throat
And I'm speaking my mind

That verse again! This time, however, it made her think of how she had 
helped B'Ellana through the times. Making her Chief Engineer, not throwing 
her in the brig for breaking Carey's nose. Then her mind turned towards the 
more emotional parts of their past. The first time she called her 'Lanna, 
the way she passionately argued to be allowed to save her mother from 
Klingon hell, many other times as well.
Perhaps it was right, she thought, for these two people that she had helped 
so much to be together. However, that wasn't going to help her get over Tom 
faster.