Legal Disclaimer--The characters used in this story all belong to Paramount, 
the owner of practically everything. They have all the best toys, but sometimes, 
I have to borrow them. The songs "I love you always forever" and "Silent World" 
belong to Donna Lewis. All hail the mighty Paramount/Viacom and Donna Lewis.

This story is for fun only, and not profit. Feel free to share with friends, 
but always keep my named attached to it. And if you are adding this to a 
website, please e-mail me first, asking if it's okay. Thanks.Remember, authors 
live for comments, so please e-mail me at Psyce17@aol.com.


"Last Words" 
By Subha Rajaram (Psyce17@aol.com)

Tom Paris sat in solitude, lost in his own world. Not that he had much of a 
world. Not anymore. Not since the first Krenum attack that had taken the only 
person in the world who had meant anything to him. No, not just taken. That 
implied that if he looked hard enough, he could find her. No, the correct word 
was killed. The Krenum had killed B'Elanna Torres, the love of his life. 
Today,the day after, and still he was numb. It still didn't seem possible that 
B'Elanna was gone forever. Especially, here, in her quarters. For the first time 
since he entered her quarters, he looked around. It was just as she had left it, 
in a state on barely controlled chaos. He had always teased her about it, but 
she had always shrugged it off, saying that she had more important things to 
worry about. The tropically smashing dress she had worn to Neelix's first luau 
was flung over a chair, various padds were strewn across the desk, which was 
decorated with various pictures of him, Harry, Chakotay, Kes, Neelix, and the 
Captain. There was even one of Tuvok. The red dress she'd been wearing when they 
had gone on their first date had been carefully folded, and placed on top of the 
bed, right next to where he was sitting. He lifted it, and pressed the silky 
fabric to his cheek. It still smelled like B'Elanna, the faint smell of what she 
had dubbed "plasma coolant" still clinging to it.The numbness began to float 
away, and a tear slowly slid down one cheek and splashed onto the smooth fabric. 
Carefully, he set it back down. This wasn't why he had come to her quarters, to 
dwell on past memories. He was supposed to clean it out, so her quarters, on one 
of the few undamaged decks, could be given to injured crewmembers. Brushing away 
his tears, which had begun to come more steadily,he rose unsteadily to his feet, 
and he headed over to the desk, where he carefully gathered up all the PADDS, 
which were all various reports on the status of the warp core, and navigational 
array. With the exception of one, which was the novel "Women Warriors at the 
River of Blood" Stacking them in a corner, he slowly began to collect all the 
holo-pics, stopping to examine each one. There was one of him and B'Elanna in 
Sandrines, one of him, B'Elanna,and Harry in Neelix's resort program, one of the 
entire senior staff, and one of just him and and B'Elanna, their arms around 
each other's waists, gazing at each other, the love in their eyes clear. "No," 
he muttered aloud, his voice echoing in the empty room. "I will not break down 
and cry, I will not." Carefully setting the stack of pictures next to the pile 
of PADDS, he began to clean out the inside of the desk. There was nothing much 
in it, just some more various padds, and odds and ends. But just as he was 
finishing, he found *it*. It was a small holographic projector, the type used to 
record messages on. The one he had been dreading. It was her last message. He 
didn't want to watch it, for it would just solidify the fact that B'Elanna was 
gone.But the instrucutions on the PADD accompanying it instructed him to. And 
even though she was gone, he couldn't bring himself to disobey a direct order 
from B'Elanna Torres.


He set the projector onto the desk, and activaited it, waiting for B'Elanna's 
image to resolve itself. Soon, a minature holographic image of B'Elanna standing 
errect ,wearing her Starfleet uniform appeared. Tom's breath caught in his 
throat. Seeing her, even as a hologram, made the pain all the more real, his 
loss all the greater. But he had to listen to what her final words to him would 
be.


She smiled up at him, that beautiful heartbreaking smile that made his eyes 
fill up with tears again. "Hello, Tom," she began, staring up at him intently. 
"If you are hearing this, I'm dead."


A lump formed in his throat, and the word dead seemed to echo over and over in 
his mind. Forcing himself, he concentrated on her words.


"I, obviously, don't know how I died. But," continued B'Elanna. "I want you to 
know something Tom,..." she hesitated slightly, and then glanced back up, 
building up her resolve. "I loved you. You were the first man who ever accepted 
me for who I was. The only man who encouraged me to be more...Klingon. The only 
one who wasn't afraid of me when I became," and she grinned slightly," hostile."


Tom smiled also, remembering the incident with the bat'telh. She had nearly 
sliced off his head, literally, when he had told her she was hostile. But 
somehow, it had only served to bring them closer together in the long run.


"You made me feel loved, and you stood by me. You helped me feel good about who 
I was. To be proud of myself. And I loved you for all of that. But I want to 
tell you why *I* loved you. I loved you not only because you helped me, it was 
because you intruiged me. You never let me see behind that handsome mask, until 
I made it my business to find out. You always used humor as a defense, which 
annoyed the hell out of me, and you knew it too." B'Elanna gaze turned 
affectionate. "The Doctor did too, and he didn't appreciate it when I shut him 
off because of it."


Tom stifled a laugh, remembering. That had been the time they had all been 
"displaced" into an artifical habitat, and they had gotten into an argument. 
While they had been arguing, the Doctor had been analyzing them, which had 
annoyed B'Elanna so much, she had literally hit the mute button on him. The 
Doctor's expression had been priceless.


"I loved you for your sometimes odd sense of humor, and once I got used to it, 
I even loved you when you were a pig. I loved you when you conned me out of all 
my replicator rations in a pool game, and forced me to eat Neelix's leola root 
stew for two weeks. I even loved you when you teased me about leading the life 
of a monk. I loved you." B'Elanna's voice grew more hushed, and it sounded like 
her she had gotten a lump in her throat. She cleared her throat and continued. 
"The point is, I loved you for who you are. I give you my blessing if you find 
someone else, Tom. I really do. But I want you to remember, I love you always 
forever, near and far, closer together, everywhere I will be with you." 
B'Elanna's holographic image gave one more sad smile, and slowly dissolved into 
a quantum mist.


Tom sat in silence for a long time, unable to move. Tears trickled down his 
face in a steady stream, but he didn't bother to wipe them away. "Computer, play 
Donna Lewis' "I love you always forever"."


Obiediently, the song came on, and Tom listened to the lyrics carefully, for 
this had been *their* song. And this would be the last time he would ever listen 
to it.
*
**********************
Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream of light mists of pale amber rose
feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent 
touching and discovering you
those days of warm rains coming rushing back to me 
miles of windless summer night air
seceret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon
out of the stillness
soft spoken words
say say it again
I love you always forever near and far closer together everywhere I will be 
with you, everything I will do for you
<<repeat>>
You've got the most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got me almost melting away 
as we lay there under blue sky with pure white stars
magical time
I will love you always forever, near and far, closer together, everywhere I 
will be with you, everything I will do for you....
**********


Tom stared out the viewport, unblinking, as the last strains of "I love you 
always forever" ended. Unable to bare the silence, he said softly, "Computer, 
play, Donna Lewis' "Silent World." Again, the notes began to float out into the 
silence, wrapping themselves around him, enveloping him until he felt like the 
music was tangible.

If I could put you on top of a cake, I would ice you
and keep you wrapped up in a box to be near you
If I could
I would....
If I could touch you again with my fingers
so gently
If I could feel you breathing in time next to me
but the silence surrounds me, flashing memories of you
riding with the moon that night
I never had the chance to say goodbye
goodbye......
Lost forever
lost to another world
gone forever but remembered in our thoughts, you are
If I could open the heavens above, I'd be with you
If I could hold you in my arms again
I would tell you
That I love you......



As the last notes faded away into oblivion, Tom wiped the tears from his eyes, 
and picked up the holo-pic of him and B'Elanna. "I love you always 
forever,B'Elanna Torres," he whispered, the tears splashing onto the frame. "I 
love you."

****************



Harry Kim sat in his quarters, holding a small holographic projector in his 
arms. Tom had stopped by his quarters a little while ago to give it to him. 
Apparently he had found a recording for each senior officer in B'Elanna's 
quarters. Harry clenched the projector in his fists, as he tried to force the 
images out of his mind. The image of B'Elanna Torres' and Kathryn Janeway's limp 
bodies being thrown back from the Engineering console. Of Tom and Chakotay 
rushing over to check on their loved ones. Of an anguished Tom calling out 
B'Elanna's name in vain. How could this happen? Why B'Elanna and the Captain? 
Why had they been taken so senselessly? Harry stared down at the projector, and 
then finally set it on his desk, in front of him. B'Elanna wouldn't have made 
this recording if she hadn't wanted him to hear it. Activaiting it, he leaned 
back against the chair, waiting to hear what B'Elanna's last words to him would 
be.


B'Elanna's image resolved infront of him and she looked up at his him, a half 
smile on her face. "Hello,Harry. I know that if you're listening to this, then 
I'm dead. You know, the Klingon proverb, "Today is a good day to die"? Well, I 
don't know whether or not I died on a good day, but I probably died without 
telling you something I've been wanting to tell you for a long time." She 
paused, as if uncertain about what she wanted to tell him, and Harry leaned 
forward, eager to hear what she had to say, putting his grief aside for the time 
being.


"You....were like a brother to me, Harry. Like the little brother I never had. 
At first, you seemed to be the innocent one, the litttle green ensign straight 
out of the academy." B'Elanna smiled, and Harry couldn't help smiling too.


"When I first met you, you seemed like a stickler for Starfleet rules and 
regulations, but I learned different. You were very protective of your friends, 
and I'll never forget that. I was....," B'Elanna struggled to find the right 
word. "....so proud when I found out that you refused to leave Tom to die in 
Akitrian prison. But I don't want to drone on about how much I think you've 
matured. I want you to do me a favor, Starfleet. Something that's very important 
to me." B'Elanna's voice turned serious. "I mean it Harry, please." 


Despite the fact B'Elanna couldn't see him, he nodded in agreement. B'Elanna 
Torres had always been a very difficult woman to say no to.


"I want you to watch out for Tom, for me. I know he's always joking around, 
laughing and being friendly, but the truth is, there's alot more to him, than 
any one of us would have thought. He might not show how much he's hurting, but 
he will be. He doesn't let too many people get close, but you are one of his 
closest friends, and he'll trust you. I'm counting on you, Starfleet, not to let 
me down. I know you can do it. But before I finish this recording, Harry, I want 
to let you know.....I loved you like a brother, and I was proud to count you as 
one of my best friends. Never forget that, Starfleet, never." B'Elanna's image 
put a hand to her lips, and blew him a kiss. "Goodbye, Starfleet, and take 
care." The recording ended, and her image dissolved, leaving Harry alone with 
the pain of losing one of his best friends, and his commanding officer.


"You were like the older sister I never had," whispered Harry out loud to the 
empty room, tears dripping down his face. "I loved you too, B'Elanna."
*****************


Kes sat in the corner of the Messhall, watching over the sick and injured crew 
members. Now that the Doctor was offline, and there seemed to be no way to 
retrieve his program, she had become Voyager's entire medical staff. But 
everything was quiet, and now seemed to be the appropriate time to watch the 
recording B'Elanna had made for her. Setting the projector on the counter where 
Neelix usually set out his latest cuilnary endeavors, she switched it on, and 
waited for B'Elanna's image to begin speaking."


"Hello, Kes," began B'Elanna, who's image looked like slightly uncertain. 
"Obviously, you're hearing this message after my death. I know we weren't the 
closest of friends, but I did value your friendship very much, Kes. In a way you 
and I were alike, both the only kind of our races onboard. I was the only 
Klingon, and you were the only Ocampan." B'Elanna grinned. "Although, I must 
admit, Klingons and Ocampans probably wouldn't get along in any normal 
situation."


Kes smiled too. Although she had never met a full blooded Klingon, from what 
she had read, they were much more violent than her own people.


"I wanted to tell you Kes," continued B'Elanna," that at first, I was a little 
suspicous of you. You were nice to me, you made an attempt to be my friend, and 
I didn't understand why you'd want to do that. No one else had ever tried to do 
that, but you did. I always appreciated that. Yet, when I found out that Tom was 
interested in you, I was very jealous, and I wouldn't even admit it to myself. I 
felt better after you expressed no interest in him, even though....I did wonder 
what you ever saw in Neelix. And when you and Neelix broke up, I thought for 
certain that it was because you were in love with Tom, which made me jealous 
again. But, again, I found out I was wrong, because you didn't appear to be 
interested in him, and he wasn't in you. He still kept chasing after me, 
offering me dinner invitations, and offering to go sailing on Lake Komo. And 
you...you actually pushed me toward him. You probably thought I didn't notice, 
but I did. All those times when you would somehow manage to steer the 
conversation so I'd have to talk about Tom, all those times you had to meet me 
on the holodeck, and you wouldn't be able to make it, but miraculously Tom would 
always be there to alleviate my boredom."


Kes raised her eyebrows in surprise. She really had thought that B'Elanna 
hadn't noticed, and that her matchmaking scheme had worked fine on it's own. 
Amazing. She would have thought B'Elanna would have been angry at what she had 
done.


B'Elanna's smile grew wider. "Thank you very much for what you did, Kes. If you 
hadn't, who knows how long it would have taken for me to acknowledge my feelings 
toward Tom. I want you to know, that I really do thank you from the bottom of my 
heart for helping me and Tom get together, and for being my friend. I was always 
proud to call you my friend. Best wishes on whatever you do in life, and I hope 
you find happiness. Goodbye, Kes." The hologram dissappeared, and the messhall 
was silent once again, with the exception of the soft sounds of breathing from 
the sleeping crewmembers.


"I was proud to call you *my* friend, B'Elanna."
****************


Chakotay laid his head back on his pillow, screwing his eyes tightly shut, 
trying to chase away all the images and sounds running through his head. Images 
of Kathryn moments before her death,with that beautiful smile of her's, 
discussing gothic literature with him on the Bridge, of B'Elanna in the mess 
hall with him yesterday morning, before her death, joking with him, encouraging 
him to pursue a serious relationship with the Captain. Images of Kathryn and 
B'Elanna's inert bodies lying on the Bridge floor. Of Tom Paris' grief stricken 
shout after he saw B'Elanna's broken body. Of his own anguish once he had 
realized Kathryn was dead. "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he shouted, bolting upright, washing 
away all pretense of sleep. He took a few deep, cleansing breaths, and tried to 
calm himself down. He was Captain of Voyager now, he couldn't fall apart in 
pieces. Dammit, what was he supposed to do? He had just lost the woman he loved 
and his best friend, and he was just supposed to go on as if everything was 
normal. It was impossible. He scanned his room , looking for something to keep 
him occupied when his eyes fell on the holo-projector Tom Paris had dropped off. 
He would have to watch it sooner or later, so he might as well get it over with 
now. Setting the projector on his bed, he flicked it on struggling to keep the 
tears at bay as the image of his best friend popped up.


"Hello Chakotay. If you're listening to this, then I'm dead." B'Elanna's image 
let out a sigh of annoyance. "You know, I used that line on all the recording 
I've done so far. I've really got to find something new."


Chakotay let out a wry smile. Trust B'Elanna to be annoyed that she couldn't 
find anything original to say in a recording of her last words.


"Anyway, I want you to know something. I should have told you this sooner, but 
you know how I am--or rather was. I wasn't into divuging all my emotions, but 
now that I'm dead, it won't hurt to tell you." She took a deep breath. "Thank 
you for being my friend. You will never know how much it meant to me. You were 
the first one to guide me, help me.Helped me find something useful to do with my 
life by joining the Maquis. I know, some people might consider joining the 
Maquis the biggest mistake of my life, but it really wasn't. I have no family--
with whom I'm with speaking terms on--back home, so I had nothing back there. 
But here, on Voyager..I met Tom." B'Elanna shot him a warning glare," Before you 
say, well that's one reason you shouldn't have joined, I will have you know, 
that falling in love with Tom Paris was one of the greatest things that ever 
happened to me. I know that you never really liked Tom. But, now that I won't be 
there to keep an eye on the both of you, promise me something Chakotay. Promise 
me that you'll give Tom a chance. Promise me that you won't just dismiss him 
because he was kicked out of Starfleet and helped Voyager find the Maquis. 
Please." B'Elanna's gaze softened and her voice grew more quiet. "And before I 
end this recording, I want you to always remember that I loved you like an older 
brother, and I was honored to call you my friend. I hope the future will always 
be bright for you, Chakotay." She turned away as if to shut of the image 
recorder, but then as an afterthought she turned around and added with a grin," 
And I'm sorry I tried to strangle my spririt guide. But that didn't mean I 
didn't  love you, despite the fact that you stuck me with the most annoying 
guide in the entire spirit world. Goodbye, Chakotay, and Godspeed." B'Elanna's 
image vanished, and the Chakotay's quarters fell silent again.


Staring at the empty space where B'Elanna's holoimage had been only moments 
ago, he smiled, and mummured," I loved you like a sister B'Elanna, and it was 
*I* who is proud to call you *my* friend."
******************


Finis......

Remember, all comments go to Psyce17@aol.com Please do write, I live for 
comments :-)
There is also a story that continues with this timeline. It is called "Grieving 
For Her". It can be found at http://members.aol.com/psyce17/gfh.html