Title: Klingons Never CryAuthor: B'Renda, gary@iservco.comSeries: VOYPart: NEW 1/3Rating: [PG-13] for sexual situations and minor languageCodes: P/TSummary: Tom must help B'Elanna to deal with her past to preserve their relationship. Takes place Fifth Season, shortly after "Someone To Watch Over Me." Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. I am only borrowing Tom and B'Elanna and promise to return them good as new. This is a labor of love. My only compensation is e-mail.Author's Notes: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and while this story is supposed to honor canon, I apologize forfor any lapse in my knowledge of this universe. (Such as 'stardates'--explain that.) This story was inspired bythe opening scene in "Someone To Watch Over Me" although I also relied on information from the novelization of "Day of Honor" by Michael Jan Friedman.PART I "Good evening, Ensign Lang, Ensign Kaplan. What can I get for you?" Neelix greeted the latest arrivals to the mess hall. Ensign Julia Lang returned his smile. "What's good today?" she asked encouragingly. "Well, here we have Tirelian tuber tamales--I'm afraid the tubers are from cold storage--but the ingredients for the ko'kwhat omelet are the freshest=97" A sudden outburst from across the hall interrupted Neelix, drawing their attention, and that of nearly everyone else in the mess hall, to the table occupied by the Chief Engineer and the Senior Conn Officer. "So now you're trying to tell me how to do my job!" B'Elanna's tray crashed to the table as storm clouds gathered over her head. Tom Paris answered soothingly, aware of the attention they were generating. "Of course not. I would never do that." He hesitated and began again. "I was just suggesting that maybe you should cut Lieutenant Carey a little slack. It's his fifth anniversary away from his wife and it's been really hard on him this week." "Oh, so now I'm insensitive!" Her voice rose again as she pushed herself up from the table with both hands, challenging him with her bearing. "B'Elanna--" Tom pleaded, and apparently not well enough, for she turned and began to stride towards the exit. "B'Elanna!" Tom called after her, removing his napkin from his lap and laying it on the table in one movement as he rose and hurried after her. When they were gone Julia Lang turned back to Neelix and her companion. "Oh, great. So much for an early evening," she sighed. "It's 'Klingon' night again. Third time this week." Both Neelix and Ensign Kaplan were aware that Ensign Lang's quarters were adjacent to those of Lieutenant Torres. "Maybe it won't be so bad," offered Neelix hopefully. "Maybe. At least there can't be much left to break in her quarters." She took the tray from Neelix and shook her head. "I admit,at first I thought it was kind of 'cute', but honestly, I just don't see the attraction in their idea of foreplay." "Why are you so interested in Joe Carey all of a sudden?" They had made love after all. When Tom followed B'Elanna to her quarters after that miserable display in the mess hall, she had nearly closed the door in his face, but her anger at Tom always had a strange affect upon her. At first her anger fueled the fire in her veins, challenging her control over her violent impulses. She could say cruel things to him at this time, things she would later regret, but he stood his ground, no weakness shown. She knew she would have despised him if he had. This inner heat would spread from the pit of her stomach throughout her limbs, continuing to grow until somehow her body could no longer contain it all, and it would then spill out, expanding outside of herself. Her senses, so caught up in her inner turmoil, would suddenly expand outside herself also. It was then that she became aware of the 'Him'--the even timber of his voice, the musky scent of his body, the cool blue fire of his eyes. The rage was still a palpable thing, but now seemed to have a focus and a purpose. It became the predator. In his wariness, he could somehow sense this moment when the anger became a need. The space between them would suddenly be gone, her touch igniting the fire within him--normally so cool, so 'in control'. The joining dance that followed had its own cadence, by turns bold domination and sweet exploration, punctuated by pain, relentlessly building to the explosive finale, the small death, a penitence paid. Absolution. Afterwards he would hold her--in his arms and in his heart. He marveled at her strength and beauty and wished once more that she could see herself through his eyes. That she deemed him worthy of her love strengthened him, granting him a sense of peace that he never remembered before. He regretted that he could not do the same for her. Her inner demons would not be so easily tamed. But that's all right, he reasoned. She might not be the B'Elanna he loved without them. "Tom." "Uhmm?" "Carey?" she asked again, quietly interrupting his musing. She was lying with her back nestled against his chest, spoon fashion. He was unconsciously stoking her arm with his hand and although she was facing away from him, she knew that he was watching her. There was a pause in the movement of his hand as he considered his answer, then began again. "I ran into Susan Nicolleti in the corridor today. She's gotten pretty close to Carey. She told me that this week is Joe's eighth wedding anniversary, the fifth since we've been in the Delta Quadrant, and that he's pretty down about it--that he's been having trouble concentrating--making stupid mistakes. Susan was hoping that maybe Carey could get on light duty for a little while, until he snaps out of it." He leaned to nuzzle the back of her neck. "She seemed to think that I have some influence with the Chief Engineer." "Hey, that tickles." She pulled away from him slightly and he stopped, pulling her back against him and kissing her on the back of her head. "Why didn't she just come to me?" "She seemed to think you had more important things on your mind with the refit of the warp plasma conduits." B'Elanna frowned. "Am I really that unapproachable?" She brushed a strand of hair back that had fallen into her face. They were traveling into tender territory and Tom carefully considered his next words. "When you're working, you're very--'focused'. You have tremendous powers of concentration under fire." Here was the tricky part: "You have a tendency to dismiss anything outside that focus as unimportant--a distraction." He held his breath waiting for her response, but her muscles stayed relaxed and he exhaled. "You know, that's a good thing," she said as much to herself as to Tom. "Of course, it is." "But I guess we're not always 'under fire'." "No, not all the time." "There's a lot more to being Chief Engineer than just being a good engineer." "And you're the best," he added, lightly kissing her on that sweet spot just at the top of her shoulder. "I mean, as much as I might wish for it, I can't operate engineering by myself." She paused a moment as she considered her engineering staff. "They're a good team." The years in the Delta Quadrant had tested them over and over again and they continued to meet each crisis with reliability and ingenuity under conditions they never would have had to endure back home. "Maybe sometimes I do start to think of them as part of the equipment," she admitted. She shifted her weight a little, her position suddenly uncomfortable. "OK, I'll switch Carey over to running diagnostics on the tertiary backup power systems. It's not very demanding and at least he shouldn't be able to do any damage there. I suppose I could put him on leave for a couple of days, too." She turned to look over her shoulder at Tom. "Is there anything else I should know about in Engineering, Counselor?" Tom grimaced momentarily at the title, but all and all, he considered, that went well. He thought for a moment and then figured he might as well go for broke. "Seven gave me all the data she collected on us. She asked me to give it to you. She said she was terminating her study of 'Human Mating Rituals' for the present." This time B'Elanna did stiffen, but she was still listening, so he continued, "She apologized for any embarrassment that she may have caused us and wished to assure us that that was never her intention." B'Elanna sat up and faced him, pulling the sheet up around her chest. "She was spying on us!" she hissed. "It's bad enough living in this goldfish bowl without having someone deliberately studying us." Tom took one of B'Elanna's hands in his, playing with her fingers as he talked. "Try to look at it from Seven's point of view. She has this incredible amount of knowledge from all those species assimilated by the Borg. She knows everything about them except how to interact with them. The only thing that remains the same, really, is the science. So that's how she approaches the problem--by scientific investigation. To her, it's a valid approach. She hasn't had the benefit of making all the social errors and learning from them while she was growing up." He looked down at their hands and frowned. "Well, maybe we don't learn 'all' the mistakes growing up." She caught his change of mood. "What?" He let go of her hand and sat up running one hand through his hair. "Oh, that bet with the Doctor. That was a pretty stupid move. The way she talks and all, it's easy to forget that she has feelings just like anyone else. She's lost--she's just trying to figure out how she fits in. If anyone should know how that feels, I should." "Well, I'll agree with you there." "Gee, thanks." "But I'm still not ready to forgive her." A sly smirk came to his face. "We really should thank her for one priceless piece of information." She met his eyes and smiled thinly. "Oh, that." He leaned over and pulled her down to him in one practiced move that left her lying on the bed beneath him and his arms wrapped around her. "We're just going to have to learn to be a little more quiet." He began a trail of kisses along her jawline heading down to her neck. "Umm," she purred. "May be it would be easier just to replicate some soundproofing." "No," he said between kisses as he headed south with slow deliberation. "We'll just have to practice." And so they did. The data padd was on the desk. B'Elanna found it as she was putting her boots on. Tom was in the shower--whistling. As far as she could tell, the only time he whistled was in the shower, some nameless wandering tune. They were running late--again--and it looked like all they would have time for was a replicated cup of coffee before their shifts began. She picked up the data padd, her touch activating it. Stardate 52647__1400 hours Subjects quarrel in corridor outside female's quarters. Male returns with 12 flowering plant stems, species rosa rubi- folia, affecting a cessation of hostilities. Stardate 52648__0300 hours Intimate relations resume. These were the same entries she had read in the mess hall several days earlier when she had confronted Seven of Nine about following her and Tom around. She scrolled up to the first entry. Stardate 52623__1600 hours Subjects enter holodeck; initiate Klingon calisthenics program. Stardate 52623__1723 hours Subjects leave holodeck. Male is injured. Subjects quarrel in route to sickbay. Nearly three months ago, she calculated. How could she have missed Seven following them for that long? Tom stuck his tousled head out of the bathroom. "Coffee?" "Yeah, sure. I'll get it." Tom went back in to the bathroom and she moved over to the replicator carrying the data padd. "Two coffees, black, 40 degrees." Placing the data padd under her arm, she carried the two cups back to the desk. She sat down and started reading again as she sipped her coffee. Stardate 52625__0700 hours Subjects arrive at mess hall, quarrel, female exits mess hall. Stardate 52626__1800 hours Male intercepts female outside of Main Engineering, engaging female in animated conversation. Encounter terminates. Tom emerged from the bathroom dressed. He walked over to the desk and took a quick sip from the extra cup. "Are you ready to go?" "Ah, yeah." She started to put the data padd down and then reconsidered and added it to a stack of data padds she was taking with her to Engineering. "Let's go." The refit of the warp plasma conduits was not going as smoothly as it could. The replicated casings' sizes were slightly out of spec making each replacement an ordeal. She considered going ahead and having them all replicated again, but hated to waste the resources when these could be made to work. Just as they attempted to bring the system online again, there was a circuit overload in the power couplings, making it necessary to remove half the conduit casings for access. It took two engineers to handle each casing section and she was beginning to regret that she had let Lieutenant Carey go on leave. She had worked through lunch, but about 1400 hours decided that a tactical retreat was probably in order to give her time to think the problem though more carefully. She took several data padds and went to an alcove just off of the first floor in Main Engineering that passed as the Chief Engineer's office. She sat down at the desk, sorting through the padds, when she came upon the one from Seven of Nine. She started to put it back down, but something made her pick it up again and she began scrolling through notes where she left off from the morning. Stardate 52639__0700 hours Subjects return from away mission; argue in shuttle bay. Female with- draws. When was that, she thought back. Then she remembered. They had taken the Delta Flyer to an asteroid belt to collect deurideum deposits and on the way back Tom had had minor trouble with the helm control. She was sure it had been a problem with the plasma injectors, and he had wagered a week's replicator rations that it was charge leakage in the krellide storage cells. She wouldn't have been so upset that he was right if he hadn't been so smug about it. Stardate 52652__1800 hours Subjects engage in recreational game in mess hall, quarrel, leave mess hall separately. Stardate 52652__2000 hours Male brings flag to female's quarters affecting resolution of conflict. Intimate relations follow. B'Elanna smiled--'the flag.' She and Tom had been playing another endless game of Derata. She had lost her third man in as many minutes and he told her that Derata was a game of subtlety; she said it was just boring and things had escalated from there. Later he had come by her quarters with that silly white flag, saying that he surrendered the Derata wars and they agreed that it wasn't necessary for them to share 'every' interest. Stardate 52661__2100 hours Female arrives at Resort; discovers male sitting with Crewman Delaney. Female withdraws. Male follows. Some emergency in Engineering had made her late for her date with Tom at the Resort. When she saw him sitting with Megan Delaney, she suddenly became angry and walked out, but not before Tom saw her. I really had no reason to be jealous, thought B'Elanna. The whole thing was perfectly innocent, but it had taken Tom quite a while to convince her. She began scanning down the list faster. Subjects quarrel .......... subjects argue ...........conflict....quarrel. Kahless, did they really fight so much? The list seemed to go on and on. She had believed that after Chakotey had confronted her about running dangerous programs on the holodeck with the safety protocols off, and she had begun to come out of her depression, that her relationship with Tom had improved, but that was months before this. She knew they still argued quite a bit--lover's quarrels, she thought. She knew she could be difficult and Tom always seemed to know just what buttons to push--but she loved Tom. He understood her better than anyone ever had. True, she tried not to examine their relationship too closely, accepting it as it was offered. And overall, it seemed very good. She looked at the data padd again. The evidence there would seem to suggest otherwise. Worse, she had the feeling that it reminded her of something, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She thew the data padd down on the desk. I've got better things to do, she thought and she stepped out to do battle with the warp plasma conduits again. At 1900 hours B'Elanna was just closing up the last conduit casing when she received a hail from Tom Paris. She tapped her commbadge. "Hello, Tom." "Could I talk you into dinner, my quarters?" "I appreciate the offer, but this day's been a real bitch--I'm pretty tired. I think I'll just get a quick bite, go to bed, and put this day behind me. Would you mind very much?" "Well, I'm disappointed, but I'll get over it. Get some rest. Goodnight, B'Elanna. Paris out." She crawled out of the Jefferies tube and stretched the kinks out of her back. She picked up her stack of data padds on her way out of Engineering and went directly to her quarters. After a quick bite to eat and changing her clothes, she curled up on the couch with the data padds intending to file a couple of reports. She finished the first one and went to pick up another padd when she spotted it on the edge of the coffee table--the padd from Seven. She didn't pick it up, but it sat there accusing her anyway. She didn't have to look at Seven's padd to know what was there. She picked up another padd, but looked at it without seeing. She tried to shake off an old familiar feeling, and not a pleasant one at that, but she couldn't push it away. She thought of the meditation exercises that Tuvok had taught her to help her deal with her anger and decided maybe if she stopped fighting it, the cause might reveal itself to her and she would be better able to deal with it. She put her report down and shut her eyes trying to concentrate on her feelings. Frustration. Fear. Anger. The feelings washed over her. She suddenly felt very small, helpless. The emotions pained her and she instinctively began to withdraw from them. She took a cleansing breath to relax and let the emotions rise again. Then she felt it, deep inside the fear and anger, there was a desperate kernel of love. "Daddy!" The painful memories assaulted her consciousness--her parents, fighting--their savage and bitter words more often screamed than spoken. She could not remember a time that they did not fight. Had they always fought? Was there ever a time that they loved each other? She did not know; her mother would never speak of it. And just when she thought it could not get any worse, her father left, abandoning her mother--abandoning her. She had loved him so deeply and he had left her. In her remembered anguish a new thought arose, too painful to contemplate, but she could not put it out of her mind. The memories of her father entwined with Tom's, the connection suddenly clear. How could she bear it if he left her, too? She opened her eyes and ran both hands through her hair as if she could physically pull the thought from her mind. As she did, her eyes fell again on Seven's data padd, its=20contents an accusation. All the fighting, all the quarrels, where else could it lead? He'll get tired of this, she thought, and then, he'll leave me. He'll leave me. She stood up and began to pace. The room suddenly seemed hot. Her hands began to sweat and she kept squeezing the hem of her tunic trying to dry them out. He would leave her and then what would she do? He wouldn't just disappear like her father had. Who knew how long they would be on this ship wandering around the Delta Quadrant. She couldn't hide out in Engineering for the rest of her life. No, she'd see him everyday--staff meetings, the bridge, the holodeck, the mess hall. She'd be reminded continually of how she'd failed again. Reminded that she wasn't worth the trouble. That she wasn't worth loving. This realization hit her like a blow and she sank to her knees. She buried her head in her hands as she let her despair wash over her. How long she remained like this, she wasn't sure. Time seemed suspended. Even the movement of the stars seemed to stop. Then time began again. It began with her breathing. In. Out. She could feel her heart return to her chest, beat by beat. Slowly, steadily, she reasserted control--first over her body, then over her mind. No, she thought, I 'cannot' go there again. The solution was clear. She would have to protect herself at any cost. "He can't leave me, if I leave him first." "B'Elanna!" Her heart jumped into her throat when he called her name. She was walking down the corridor on her way to Engineering. She swallowed and took a deep breath before she turned around to look at Tom. I guess there's no point in putting this off any longer, she thought. It took him a moment to catch up with her. "B'Elanna, we have to talk." "OK," she answered, trying to avoid his eyes. "What's wrong? You've been avoiding me for three days. What's going on?" She began walking towards Engineering again and Tom fell in beside her. "I've been really busy." "Yes, but you've been avoiding me, too. Did I do something wrong?" "Yes. I--I mean, no. It's just--" Tom pulled on her arm so that she had to stop and look at him. "What's going on?" He had a puzzled look on his face. They were in a busy part of the corridor and she didn't want to make a public scene. "Come on. Let's find a place to talk." "We could go to my quarters." "No!" she said a little too forcefully. "I mean, we're right here. We can go to my office." They entered Engineering. It was nearing the shift change and there were only a couple of crewmen working there now. They barely looked up as the Chief Engineer led the helmsman into her office. While it was really just a largealcove off of Main Engineering, it did offer relativeprivacy from the undermanned main floor. "Well?" Tom looked at her expectantly. I guess there's no point in putting this off, she thought to herself. Tom could sense her back stiffen and she took a deep breath before she began. "I don't know how else to say this, Tom." She paused for a moment, steeled herself, and looked directly into his eyes. "I think we should break up." Surely there was something wrong with his hearing. "What?" The surprise in his face made her resolution falter and she lowered her eyes momentarily. No, I have to do this, she thought, for both of us. "I've been examining our relationship the last few days. I--I don't think it's working." "B'Elanna, what are you talking about?" He was stunned. Surely, she was confused. He reached out for her, but she stepped back from him and started pacing as she talked. "I've been looking at the data that Seven collected while she was doing her--study. I guess I just never really looked at our relationship objectively like that. We fight all the time!" "So," he shrugged. "Then we make up. My favorite part," he added smiling hopefully. "It isn't healthy--this bickering back and forth. It's--it's juvenile. I can't believe we've let it go on so long." "B'Elanna. So we argue a bit more than most. It doesn't mean that something's wrong necessarily. I mean--we love each other." She stopped and faced him. "I don't know if it's enough." It hurt to look at him, so she continued pacing. "My parents fought all the time. It's all I remember. I just don't want to make the same mistake they did." He grabbed her by the arm, turning her, forcing her to look at him. "We are not your parents! B'Elanna, this is ridiculous. You are drawing the wrong conclusion from the data. I won't--" "Lieutenant Torres? We're getting some odd readings from the main warp manifolds. I thought you would want to=97-" Lieutenant Nicolleti walked into the alcove looking for the Chief Engineer and realized immediately that she had interrupted something. "Sorry." "That's all right," B'Elanna said and she pulled away from Tom's grasp. She gave Tom a last look and said for his benefit as well, "We're finished." Then she walked out with the lieutenant leaving Tom feeling like he'd just been sucker-punched. He just stood there for a few moments not knowing what to make of what just happened, not really believing it. He walked out of the office and headed for the door, but before he left Engineering he gave B'Elanna one last look. She was looking at a console with Nicolleti, but glanced up meeting his eyes for just a moment and then quickly looked away. Tom turned and strode out of Engineering, the doors closing behind him with a decidedly final click. Tom wandered the corridors a good hour. He kept going over the conversation with B'Elanna in his head. The whole thing seemed unreal. How could she do this? Sure, they fought a lot. It was a pretty high maintenance relationship, but he thought it was worth it. He thought she did too. What it finally came down to is that she had no faith in 'them'. Or no faith in 'me', he suspected. It hurt to think anymore. He headed for Holodeck Two. Fortunately it was free. He entered announcing "Paris Program Beta Two, Level 4". Instantly the holodeck transformed itself to the dimly lighted caves of the Klingon exercise program. He pulled out the bat'leth imbedded in the cave wall and prepared for the attack that followed. The first opponent came quietly from behind, but at the last minute Tom heard a footfall and turned to parry the blow just before it would have connected with his chest. The repercussion of the impact traveled up his arms and nearly threw him off balance, but he recovered quickly and returned the attack. Too easily, it seemed, the first opponent was defeated. "Computer, Level 5." This time the attack came full force. Tom barely had time to breathe between the parried blows in his opponent's relentless advance let alone prepare a counterattack. The Klingon warrior was backing him into a corner and unless he could regain the advantage, he would be trapped against the wall. The next blow leveraged Tom's bat'leth from his hands and it flew behind the warrior leaving him without a weapon. Desperation released a sudden surge of adrenaline and he lunged forward, hitting his opponent in the gut before he could get his weapon into position for the final attack. The tackle didn't take him down, but it put him off balance long enough that Tom was able to sidestep the Klingon, roll away out of his reach, and reclaim his weapon. Tom took the opportunity to retreat several meters and give himself time to catch his breath. When the Klingon closed the distance, Tom was ready. A well-timed feint misdirected the Klingon's attack and left his left side exposed. The opening was not lost on Tom and he put all his weight behind the swing of the bat'leth. He heard the blade sing as it arched through the air, and then felt the purchase of the blade as it hit bone. His opponent went down. Tom could feel the blood singing in his veins and when another warrior appeared, he was prepared. The familiar dance of parry-retreat-attack taxed his muscles, sharpened his senses, and emptied his mind. There was only action and reaction. And, of course, pain. Two hours on the holodeck left Tom very tired and very bruised. He considered going to sickbay, but dismissed the idea in favor of the dermal re-generator in his quarters. He didn't feel like answering any of the Doctor's questions. In fact, he didn't feel like talking at all and he hoped he could make it back to his quarters without running into anyone in a conversational mood. In his quarters, Tom stripped off his uniform and retreated to the sonic shower. Naked and exhausted he carefully eased himself under the covers of his bed. As sleep overtook his body, one piercing word emerged from his tired mind--'B'Elanna.' B'Elanna Torres was not having a very good night either. She had worked a double shift to avoid thinking about what she had done. She had hoped that once she had committed to this course of action, that the restlessness that plagued her the last few nights would disappear. She tried to dismiss the problem solved, but she missed Tom. She spent several hours tossing and turning and started to doubt her decision to break-up with him. Finally at 0300 hours, she rose. She was tired of going over the same list of reasons in her head and decided that maybe at least she could get some work done. She got up, put on a robe, and went over to her desk. She started to work on an engineering report when she noticed Seven's data padd on the edge of her desk. She picked it up and began to review once more the list transgressions. The evidence was incontrovertible. "I am right," she whispered to herself. She held her head in her hands and willed the wetness in her eyes to stop. Klingons never cry. Not even half-Klingons.PART II The next day Tom woke up resolved to set things right. He was sure he could convince her that her conclusions were a mistake. He just needed to talk to B'Elanna. He just hadn't anticipated how difficult that would be. Before he left for his shift, he left a message for her saying that they really needed to talk this over, that she owed him that much. He still hadn't heard from her by lunch break and he hung around the mess hall longer that usual hoping she would show up, but she never did. He finally checked her location with the computer later in the afternoon. She was in one of the Jefferies tubes near the warp core conduit, but Ensign Vorik was with her. He thought better of calling her in front of her subordinates. After his shift, he went back to his quarters. There was a message from her there. I'm sorry, Tom, but I think I've said all I care to say. I don't regret the time we had together, but I think it's best if we don't see each other for now. I hope that in time we can still remain friends. - B'Elanna He felt his heart sink to his knees. He wasn't sure how long he stood there reading the message over and over again until he felt it burned into his eyes. How could she do this? How could he not see her? She might as well be asking him to stop breathing. He shook his head, hoping to clear the confusion from his mind. I really need a drink, he thought. He left his quarters and headed for Holodeck One. The Resort program was usually running this time of day. This evening was no exception. It was still early. The place was nearly empty. Tom found a booth in the corner and ordered a scotch, neat. He took a small sip, tasting the smoky liquid. Then he tilted his head back and knocked back the drink in one gulp. The alcohol burned a trail to his stomach and began to fill the empty spot there. He ordered another. This time he sipped the drink slowly. He nursed a couple of drinks for the next hour discouraging conversation with the few people who noticed him with monosyllabic answers. Eventually Harry Kim entered the Resort. He looked around, spotted Tom, and headed in his direction. He ordered a drink from a waitress and sat down across from Tom uninvited. "I've been looking all over for you." "Well, you found me." Tom took another sip. The waitress came with Harry's drink and sat it down in front of him. "Thanks," he smiled at her, and then turned back to Tom. "So when is B'Elanna coming?" "I don't think she is." "Why? Where is she?" "Probably up to her elbows in bioneural gel packs. I don't really know." Harry finally sensed Tom's mood. "Are you two having another fight?" Tom looked up from his drink and stared at Harry for a long moment. Then he shrugged, "No. No fight at all." "What's the matter?" said Harry, suddenly concerned for his friend. There was another long pause. Finally, he spoke. "She dumped me." "What?" "She dumped me," he repeated. "She said--I'm paraphrasing now--she said we had a 'dysfunctional' relationship like her parents and that she wasn't going to make the same mistake." He took another sip, bigger this time, letting the liquid swirl around his tongue before he swallowed. "Oh yeah, and we can still be 'friends'." "Friends?" Harry repeated incredulously. He shook his head. "She can't mean it, Tom. She'll come to her senses. You've got to talk to her." The sadness in Tom's answer shook him. "I tried. She won't answer my hails and my messages sure don't seem to be convincing her." He paused. "I really don't feel like very good company tonight. I'll see you later, Harry." Harry touched his friend's arm as he rose. "I'll talk to her, Tom. There has to be some misunderstanding." "I hope so," he answered, but there was no hope in his eyes. Harry finished his drink, contemplating how to best go about approaching B'Elanna. He had heard a few rumors about there being 'trouble in paradise' between his friends, but had just discounted it as ship's gossip. There was always something in the rumor mill about Tom and B'Elanna, but much of it, he thought, was wishful thinking on the part of the participants. He couldn't think what would prompt B'Elanna to end it with Tom. Sure, their relationship was more volatile than any he'd ever known, but it was also just that much more passionate, he realized with just a twinge of jealousy. No, there just had to be some misunderstanding. Maybe he could help by finding out just what it was. "Computer, location of Lieutenant Torres." "Lieutenant Torres is in Main Engineering." He'd received an engineering update from her at Ops at 0800 hours this morning, so she must have been on duty since then. It was now some 10 hours later. He started to hail her, and then decided that maybe it would be better just to wander down to Engineering and, if he could, persuade her to at least take a break. When he walked into Engineering, Harry found B'Elanna pouring over the readouts from one of the main consoles. Lieutenant Carey was busy on the upper level, but other than that, Engineering was empty. "B'Elanna," he greeted her. Lieutenant Torres glanced up from her station and then back down to the readout panel again. "Oh, hi, Harry," she answered absently. "Hey, you've been holed up here all day. Why don't you take a break and come to the Resort with me. I think Neelix has arranged some activity having to do with an Earth Celtic Beltane festival. It might be fun." B'Elanna looked at him out of the corner of her eyes, not turning her head from the console. "If you think I would enjoy throwing flowers and prancing around a Maypole, you don't know me very well." Harry entertained the idea for a moment, smiling to himself, then remembered why he was here. "No, maybe I don't. I talked to Tom." B'Elanna looked up at him, her expression studiously blank, but she said nothing. "He's really hurt, B'Elanna. He doesn't understand why you're shutting him out." "Harry, it's really none of your business." "You're both my friends--no, out here, in the Delta Quadrant--you're my family. I can't just stand by and let you make a mistake you'll always regret. You and Tom--you need each other." B'Elanna straightened up slowly, her eyes flashing as she answered the ensign. "How dare you presume to know what I need." Harry retreated half a step. "You have no idea how hard this is for me. Believe me, Harry--I know I'm right. It's really best for both of us." B'Elanna could be intimidating, but Harry wasn't ready to back down yet. "What makes you so sure?" "I've thought a lot about it the last few days. I need something less complicated, less demanding, less confrontational, less--" Harry interrupted, "I think the keyword here is 'less'--when with Tom you have so much, much more." B'Elanna weighed the truth of his words. Then she lowered her eyes, remembering the other truth--her father, the last time she saw him as he got on the launch leaving Kessik IV--leaving her mother and her life--forever. "Harry," she said finally, "I know I'm right." She went back to the console readout and dismissed him. "Goodbye, Harry. I've still got work to do." Harry looked at her helplessly and could think of nothing else to say. He waited another moment, waiting for something to come to him. When it didn't, he turned and left B'Elanna alone. In the mess hall early the next morning Harry spotted Tom sitting in a corner table by himself. He collected a tray of something from Neelix and went to join him. Tom was absentmindedly stabbing the contents of his plate with his=20fork, but never raised the fork to his mouth. Harry was disappointed that he didn't have better news. "I'm sorry, but I didn't get anywhere with B'Elanna." "That's all right, Harry. I didn't really expect you to." "Did she give you any clue as to what brought this on? I mean, did you have an argument about anything?" "No, no argument at all. She said it had to do with Seven's 'Human Mating Behavior' study." "Seven convinced her to break-up with you?" Harry asked incredulously. "I guess, in a way. It had to do with all those notes that Seven took when she was following me and B'Elanna around. You heard about how upset B'Elanna was when she found out? Seven terminated the study, gave me the notes, and asked me to give them to B'Elanna with her apologies. So I gave them to her. I guess B'Elanna began to study them and came to her own conclusions." "What was in the notes?" =20 "I don't know--'Subjects went here', 'Subject did this'." Tom shrugged and shook his head. " I didn't really bother to look at it to tell the truth." "Maybe we should go talk to Seven?" "I guess it wouldn't hurt." "Come on. She's probably in Astrometrics." Harry got up from the table. Tom followed him. "This early?" "Believe me, this is not early for Seven." Harry was correct in assuming Seven of Nine would be at her post in Astrometrics. Her regenerating cycle terminated at 0600 hours and she rarely felt the need for organic nutritional supplements directly after regenerating. In other words, she routinely skipped breakfast and went directly to work. Seven looked up from her console as Tom and Harry entered acknowledging them, "Ensign Paris, Ensign Kim. How may I help you?" Tom began, "This is more of a social call, really. I have a few questions I'd like to ask you." Seven tilted her head slightly to one side, her subtle signal that she was intrigued. "If I may be of assistance to you." "It's about those notes that you took while you were studying B'Elanna and me. What exactly was in them?" Seven was mildly surprised at the question, as she had given them to Tom Paris himself. "They were simply a chronological listing of my observations of yourself and Lieutenant Torres." "Did you add any conclusions that you arrived at from the data?" "No, the data padd contained only the raw data. I developed several working hypotheses, but was unable to test them adequately to draw any valid conclusions before terminating the experiment." Tom's spark of hope extinguished and his shoulders sagged. "Well, thank-you, Seven." However Harry's curiosity peaked. "Were you able to draw any preliminary generalizations from your observations?" "Yes." "Would you mind sharing them with us?" She turned to Paris. "You would not mind." She asked the question as a statement. "No, I'd be interested to hear what you think." "Very well. Lieutenant Torres and Ensign Paris's relationship appears to follow a somewhat erratic, yet predictable pattern. First there is a period of seemingly friendly companionship often paired with some kind of recreational activity. Sometime during this activity a conflict between the subjects would ensue. Sometimes the conflict would end suddenly with the capitulation of one subject. More often the conflict would escalate with one subject=97usually Lieutenant Torres=97physically withdrawing from the other. Body language, pupil dilatation, and respiratory distress of both subjects would indicate an increase in sexual arousal." At this Tom ran his hand nervously through his hair, but he didn't interrupt and Seven continued. "This is probably why the period of separation is brief. Conflict resolution often involved intimate relations, however, I was unable to conclude whether that was the cause or a result of conflict resolution." Seven of Nine paused as she noticed that both Ensign Paris and Ensign Kim appeared to grow more uncomfortable with her recitation. "Is there anything wrong?" Harry swallowed and answered for both of them. "No. No you've been very helpful." "Right", agreed Tom. "You are welcome. I do have a number questions I would like to ask. As you and Lieutenant Torres are the only subjects that I have studied, I am questioning the validity of generalizing this particular mating ritual to all humans. Would you agree that this is a common mating behavior? Discussions with Ensign Wildman about her marriage would indicate that not all mating rituals are so volatile. Would you concur with that assessment?" Both ensigns looked at each other and suddenly developed an interest in the chronometer. "Will you look at the time?" said Harry as he began to withdraw toward the door. "I'm going to have to hustle if I'm going to make it to the bridge in time for the start of my shift." "I'm right behind you, Harry. This has been really fascinating, Seven. We will have to continue this discussion later, but right now the Doctor is expecting me for my shift in sickbay. Thanks again for your help." How very odd, thought Seven of Nine as she watched them retreat to the corridor. I must remember to ask the Doctor why discussions of mating behavior with humans are usually accompanied by an increase in anxiety. On his way to sickbay, Tom Paris considered what Seven of Nine had told them. OK, he thought, maybe B'Elanna and I don't have the most conventional sexual relationship. The unbidden image of B'Elanna with that slightly feral smile on her face and the feel of her hot, moist breath on his cheek just before she bit him made his pulse momentarily race. No, not conventional. Exciting. B'Elanna was the most exciting woman he had ever known. A flood of emotion overcame him and he hesitated before entering sickbay. I am going to win her back, he resolved. "Good morning, Mr. Paris. I'm so glad you were finally able to join me today." "I'm not that late." Not the usual flippant response thought the Doctor. "Are you feeling all right?" "No, I am not feeling all right!" he answered, more forcefully than he had intended. Then an idea occurred to him. "But maybe you can help me." For the moment sickbay was empty. By mutual agreement, Tom followed the EMH into his office. Tom sat down across from the doctor's desk, perching on the edge of the chair, but rose and began to pace as soon as he started talking. "For the past few days B'Elanna has been avoiding me and then, day before yesterday=97out of the blue=97she tells me that she wants to break-up. It was fun, thanks for the memories, it's over, keep in touch." The bitterness in Paris's voice belied the lightness of his words. The Doctor was visibly surprised, but decided to let the 'patient' keep talking. "It all started when I gave her the padd with the data that Seven had collected about us. She said the 'evidence' showed that we were doomed and that she thought it would be better to break it off now rather than later." Seven of Nine had shared some of her 'data' with the Doctor, so he had some idea of what Lieutenant Torres had seen. Tom stopped pacing and looked at the doctor. "She said, I would leave her like her father." "Ahhhh." The doctor leaned back in his chair. "A classic. 'Fear of Abandonment'." Tom sat down on the edge of his chair across from the Doctor and considered the idea. "She's afraid that I'll leave her, so she breaks up with me first?" "In a nutshell, yes." Tom practically exploded out his seat. "How the hell did she get an idea like that?" The doctor's response to Tom's outburst was to push his seat back a bit. "You don't know?" Tom sighed and sat down again. "Well, maybe." He paused for a moment and then finally continued. "She thinks we fight too much. It reminds her of the way her parents fought before they broke up." Then he added defensively, "But it's not the same at all." "Well, it may not seem that way to you, but B'Elanna is obviously reminded of the similarities." Tom's shoulders visibly sank, but he stayed silent. As the Chief Medical Officer, the doctor was familiar with the personal and medical histories of all the members of the crew. He knew that B'Elanna's human father had left her Klingon mother when B'Elanna was five. She had never seen her father again. Her mother became emotionally distant and mother and daughter were still estranged at the time they were all transported to the Delta Quadrant. "There are two types of people that suffer from 'Fear of Abandonment' issues. The first type are characterized as needy, dependent, vulnerable, and given to bouts of extreme and often unprovoked jealousy." "That doesn't sound like B'Elanna." "No, I agree. The second type is the 'distancer'. They consider themselves to be self-reliant, seek emotional distance of physical space when under stress, and manage anxiety in personal relationships by intensifying work-related projects." "Now that sounds like B'Elanna." "Umm," agreed the Doctor warming to the topic. "Yes, the distancer is very likely to cut off relationships entirely when things get intense rather than trying to work things out. It's a defense mechanism for preserving self-esteem." "Well, now that I know what's wrong, how do I go about fixing it?" "This is a complex emotional issue. You can't just apply a pop-psychology band-aid and have the problem go away. She most likely harbors deep unresolved anger towards her father for abandoning her. Conventional therapy would begin by having her confront her father with that anger." Tom groaned, "How the hell are we supposed to do that? We're stuck out here in the Delta Quadrant. And even if we were back home, she doesn't know where her father is." "I admit, that does seem to be a pretty big obstacle." A sudden idea came to Tom. "Wait a minute, what about the holodeck? You've tried it before in therapy." "With inconsistent results, I'm afraid." "But it's worth a try." "You don't know anything about her father." "No, not much," Tom admitted. "But I might be able to find out enough about him from the archival database to program a reasonable facsimile." "What makes you think you can find anything about him? Don't you think she's tried before?" "Not necessarily. At least, I don't think she's tried very hard. From her point of view, he abandoned her. What would prevent him=20from rejecting her again if she found him? That's not a good incentive for her to look." "Hmm, I see your point." "It gives me a place to start anyway." He began to walk out, but turned and looked back from the doorway. "I love her, Doc. I've got to find a way to convince her that I'm not going anywhere." The Doctor gave him his best encouraging smile but added, "Remember, 'distancers' open up most freely when they are not pushed or pursued. You can't change her mind by pressuring her." "I'll keep that in mind." A few minor injuries kept popping up in sickbay and kept Tom occupied most of the morning. Since he now had a course of action, he was eager to get started, and was uncharacteristically brusque with his patients as each one took him away from his research. Finally in the afternoon, things seemed to quiet down and he was able to devote some uninterrupted time to his search of the ships vast database. He knew from B'Elanna that her father's full name was Cesar Danilo Torres and that he and B'Elanna's mother had been geologists on Kessik IV when her parents were still together. That gave him a place to start. Fairly quickly he was able to find census records of the Torres family on Kessik IV and also a number of geologic reports filed by the Torres's with the administrative government there. A little more digging turned up an offworld transport request by one Cesar Torres on stardate 31547. Tom did a quick calculation in his head and estimated that B'Elanna would have been five years old then, and concluded that this must have been just before her father left. He found himself suddenly angry with this man he had never met, knowing how much his actions had hurt B'Elanna. Tom consciously buried his feelings and went back to work. Here was where the trail became more difficult. Cesar's arrival at Starbase 12 had been noted, but he could not find any reference to his departure. Considering that he had been a geologist, Tom limited the parameters of his search by concentrating on ships in route to mining colonies within three months of Torres's arrival. Surprisingly, that narrowed it down to just four ships. He was disappointed, but not surprised, that there were no records in the database of those ships' manifests. He did, however, know which mining colonies they were heading for and he began a subroutine to search those planets' census records for a 'Cesar Danilo Torres, geologist, stardate 31570 to stardate 33570' while he treated Ensign Pillar's torn rotator cuff. His shift was nearly over by the time he was able to check on the results of his search. The mining colony at Jobus hired on a Cesar Torres, stratigrapher, on stardate 32374. Tom decided to get a quick bite in the mess hall and then go back to his quarters to continue his search. Tom picked up a tray of whatever Neelix was serving and sat down at a table with his back to the entrance. Moments later he was joined by Ensign Baytart who filled in for him at the helm when he had duty in sickbay. Baytart was telling him about his day on the bridge, when he looked over Tom's shoulder at the latest arrivals. "Oh, there's Lieutenant Torres." Tom turned around to see B'Elanna walk into the mess hall. She stopped as she spotted Tom looking at her, their eyes meeting for what seemed like several minutes, but was probably only a few moments. Then she abruptly turned around and walked out. Tom slowly turned back to his food. "What was that all about?" asked Baytart. "Nothing. She probably forgot something." Tom certainly did not feel like discussing this with Baytart right now. He listened remotely as Baytart finished talking about the days events on the bridge and then excused himself as soon he could politely do so and left for his quarters, eager to get back to the search for B'Elanna's father. Tom Paris nervously paced back and forth as he waited for the results of his last search parameters. He stopped at the replicator, considering another cup of coffee. One glance at the empty remains of the last four cups strewn around the desk near the computer terminal and he changed his mind, resuming his nervous pacing. How does the captain drink so much of this stuff, he thought. I'm about to crawl out of my skin. He had also given up the idea of going to sleep anytime soon. Over the last few hours Tom had been able to track Cesar Torres's movements to half a dozen mining colony jobs in as many years. On Darvis VI he had also found a record of a three-day brig sentence stemming from a bar brawl. It seems that B'Elanna's temper may not have come from just the Klingon side of the family. On Galius V, he was fired for excessive absences due to drinking. Then four months after arriving on Selaria Prime, the trail went cold. All of Tom's efforts to backtrack just led him back to the same place. Selaria Prime was not quite the backwater world that described the other mining colonies. While the planet itself was not extensively mined, it was conveniently located in a system with several uninhabited planets rich in many important minerals. Also its three moons were sources of several rare elements. The native humanoid inhabitants of Selaria had been mining the neighboring planets for centuries and its entry into the Federation profitably expanded the market base for their refined ores. Selaria became quite a cultural center in the area and several important conferences on planetary geology were held there each year. Tom decided to do a search of papers delivered at these conferences from the date of Cesar Torres's arrival on the planet to the last known database update before Voyager's trip to the Delta Quadrant. There were no papers by Cesar Torres, but on a hunch Tom began to scroll through the list of authors. After twenty minutes of scrolling through listings of scientific papers with indecipherable titles he came upon a paper entitled "Paleonspactic Reconstruction of the Kemah Ridge System of Selaria III", but the author was what drew his attention: Cesar Camail. Cesar was an unusual enough name that there might be some connection. Then again, he thought, it might be a very common name on Selaria. He checked, but there were no pictures from the conference on record. Over the next 10 years, there were quite a few papers given by the same author. With no other good options to pursue, Tom decided to find out what he could about Selaria Prime. He downloaded the ships files on the planet to a data padd and tried to get comfortable on the couch while he reviewed them. There was information on planet geography, climate, resources, and population distribution. These he scanned fairly quickly. Next were files about the political system and its relative strategic importance to the Federation. Finally he came to the files on the indigenous population's culture and history. While under normal circumstances Tom found this sort of thing fairly interesting, the coffee had finally worn off and he was having a hard time trying to keep from dozing off. He read the last passage three times before it finally sunk in--Selaria Prime had a matriarchal society. Tom sat up as he scanned the next few passages. Traditionally property rights had passed down through the female line, although that had slowly changed over the last several centuries as, in general, the sexes shared equal rights. However, it was still traditional in marriage for the male to take the female's family name. Tom went back to his computer terminal and started his search again with new parameters. Several minutes went by before the new file was found--an image from a Selarian wedding announcement published in a local newscan. The caption read "On this high day, Balel 209.42.85, Cesar Danilo Torres bonds with Selmay from the House of Camail. May their joining be blessed." The computer translated the local date to stardate 38427, nearly 15 years ago. In the picture, a man and woman in what Tom assumed was some traditional Selarian costume were standing next to each other, her hand covering his. The woman was quite striking with dark hair and pale tan mottling of her otherwise fair skin along the hairline extending down the neck that Tom now recognized as being a physical characteristic of the Selarian race. He was more drawn, however, to the dark, handsome man standing next to her, with his solemn expression, staring back at him with B'Elanna's eyes. Tom's first excited impulse was to immediately take his discovery to B'Elanna, but he soon remembered why he was looking for Cesar Torres in the first place. He let his heart ache for one long moment before he forcibly shut out the pain. It helped to know that he had found a key piece of information for his holosimulation. Now that he knew what to look for, he wanted see what else he could find out about the new Cesar Camail. But it was now 0300 hours and he was due on the bridge at 0800. Chakotay would know if he was not at his best and he hated to give him that satisfaction so he turned off his terminal and stripped for bed. He went to sleep a little easier than the last two nights knowing that at last he had a feasible plan--whatever happened. It had been three days since Tom discovered the wedding announcement. His duty shifts as a whole, had been unremarkable and seemed to drag on interminably. His free hours were spent in his quarters doing research with the computer database and lately on the holodeck as he began to test the new holoprogram and refine the simulation of B'Elanna's father. He took to eating in his quarters, too. Harry, of course, was worried about him, and came to visit him one evening. Tom didn't think he made a very credible attempt to assure Harry that he was all right, but he didn't want to explain to him what he was up to either. Harry told him that the news of their break-up was all over the ship now, which explained a lot of the looks he was getting lately. Tom had been the subject of enough gossip that he was an expert at projecting a do-I-look-like-I-care fa=E7ade, but he knew it would be harder for B'Elanna. She was probably living in Main Engineering and eating junior engineers for lunch. Harry laughed at that, and felt a little easier knowing that Tom could still crack jokes. Reluctantly, he let Tom persuade him to leave and let him get back to the project he was working on. Tom assured him it was 'therapeutic.' His research turned up quite a few more geologic papers by Cesar Camail. There was even a video of a part of a presentation to the Federation Planetary Geology Foundation at Starbase 11. He also found a few more personal items including the birth announcement of Joseph Torres Camail. Tom wondered what B'Elanna would think when she found out she had a brother. All in all, it really didn't seem like much to go on, but the computer was able to reconstruct a personality profile with a predicted accuracy of 82% and a standard deviation of 4.7 percent which was much better than he had ever hoped for. He decided that it was time to take the holoprogram out for a test drive and invited the Doctor to meet him in Holodeck Two at 0100 hours. Tom was waiting in the holodeck and making a few last minute adjustments in the program when the Doctor materialized. He took one look at Tom's face and asked, "Are you sleeping at all?" "Oh, Doc. I'm fine. The holodecks aren't used much at this hour." He offered that as an excuse although he didn't really expect the Doctor to buy it. "I don't think you're eating either." "Can we just get started? Computer, begin program Cesar Torres One." The hologrid was replaced by orange-red hills of a desert landscape. A tall, dark man of about 35 Earth years was standing motionless about two meters away from them, his face blank. "Where is this?" asked the Doctor. "It's on Kessik IV. I thought a familiar environment would be good." "Not necessarily--if she doesn't have pleasant memories of it, it could be construed as confrontational. Remember what I said about pushing her. I'd choose something more neutral." "Any suggestions?" "How about the Observation Lounge here on Voyager? It's something familiar and can no way be connected to her family." "Computer, change location to Voyager Observation Lounge." The bright desert scene was instantly transformed to the much more subdued lounge with its panoramic view of the passing stars. The man remained. The Doctor took a good long look as he circled the inert figure, one that would have been quite rude had it been real. "He's quite tall." "Yes," agreed Tom. "But except for the height, I can definitely see the family resemblance. Do you think it's accurate?" "I found a video." "He seems awfully young to be B'Elanna's father." "It was taken about 12 years ago. Do you think I should age him?" The Doctor shrugged. "Try it and see what happens." "Computer, extrapolate aging process 12 years." The lines in the face deepened and the skin took on a more weathered appearance as if he spent a great deal of time out-of-doors. The dark hair became sprinkled with white, but did not recede or thin. "He's still quite a handsome specimen," the Doctor observed. "Let's interact with him." "Computer, animate program." The figure suddenly came to life. He smiled warmly and extended his hand to the Doctor, "Hello, I'm Cesar Camail." His voice was rich, but slightly higher than one would expect in so tall a man. The Doctor turned to Tom. "I thought this was Cesar Torres?" But the holocharactor answered. "That was before my marriage on Selaria Prime. You wouldn't know it to look at her, but my wife Selmay is quite the traditionalist." The Doctor looked back at Tom. "He remarried?" "That's not all. He has a son." Cesar smiled more broadly. "Joseph Torres Camail. We named him after my father." "B'Elanna has a brother?" Cesar's smile diminished as sadness filled his eyes. "My Little Bee. I haven't seen her for a long, long time. Tom tells me she's on this vessel. He wants to bring her here to meet me." "How do you --'feel' about that?" "I've missed her. I hope she doesn't hate me too much." Tom had had enough. "Computer, freeze program. Do you think this has any chance of working? I have no real way of assessing the accuracy of the simulation. The physical attributes are probably very good, but I have no way to judge the personality. What do you think?" "It's not really necessary that it be exactly accurate. She hasn't seen her father for over 20 years. Even if her real father were here, there would be no way to predict exactly his reaction. It could even change depending on some completely random element such as the time of day, what color dress she wears, or what they ate for dinner. Human interactions are fraught with a certain amount of unpredictability. Besides, it only truly matters how B'Elanna reacts. Confronting the source of one's fears, of validating one's anger, is the first step in taking control of those emotions. The real unknown here is that knowing that he's only a simulation, it may invalidate the process for her although if she lets herself react to it, I believe the cathartic effect will be the same." Tom was relieved that the doctor thought this crazy idea had some chance of success. However, there was another nagging issue that he decided he needed to talk to the Doctor about. "The last few days, I've concentrated on creating this program. I've tried not to think about the fact that I am willfully trying to manipulate her emotions." "Ah. Is this ethical? Manipulation sounds so sinister, yet I believe, it is the cornerstone of human interaction--indeed of all species interaction. How do I get 'you' to do what 'I' want you to do. I guess it has to do with how objectionable the outcome is to the person manipulated." "You're not making this any easier." "I didn't mean to." Tom looked back at the frozen figure with the now sad eyes. B'Elanna's eyes. "I don't know if I can make her happy. I only know she makes me happy." He made up his mind. "Computer, save Cesar Torres One, end program." The observation lounge disappeared and the hologrid became visible again. As Tom turned to leave the holodeck, the Doctor asked him, "How do you plan to get B'Elanna here?" Tom smiled. "I thought I might start with begging." "Remember, you can't pressure her into coming. It won't work with her." "Don't worry. B'Elanna will come here because she wants to." Tom spent what was left of the night, trying to figure out just how he was going to 'manipulate' B'Elanna into wanting to go into the holodeck. His first inclination was to stand outside the door to her quarters and yell, scream, beg, and generally make a fool of himself until she agreed. OK, maybe that qualified as Pressure. In the end he decided that he already had the perfect bait; he knew what happened to her father. No matter that she had never tried to seek out her father before. He doubted that she could resist that certain knowledge. There were only two ways that she could find out. She could follow the steps he took to uncover that information or she could experience his particular presentation of that information. Of course, if she chose the former, she would get no help from him and he doubted that she had the patience to get very far with that method. She could study engineering manuals for days on end, but she had little patience with sifting through massive quantities of seemingly disparate data. He needed to talk to her. He wanted to present the idea of the holoprogram in it's best possible light, and he had confidence in his own powers of persuasion. The trick was to give her enough information to come to him and a note was the most non-confrontational method of communication that he could think of. He turned on his computer terminal. "Begin letter. Dearest B'Elanna." No. No pressure. "Pause and erase. Begin letter. B'Elanna." That was better. "I have discovered some information about your father I would like to discuss with you. You pick the place and time. Tom. End letter and send to Lieutenant Torres. All there was to do now was to wait and see. He thought it might take a few days for her to come around, but he resolved to be patient. No pestering. Also no sleep. His shift started in a couple of hours and he was afraid an hour of sleep would be worse than none at all. What he needed right now was liters of coffee. Surely by now the news of their break-up had reached the bridge. Maybe Chakotay would take pity on him, but he knew it more likely he would punish him for whatever perceived wrong he thought Tom may have committed against B'Elanna. He took a sonic shower and changed his uniform and allowed himself a small measure of hope as he left his quarters to join the new day.PART III B'Elanna was just about to leave her quarters for Engineering, when she noticed the light on her terminal that indicated that she had a message. She had stayed up late the night before making sure she had read and responded to all the messages she had, so this one had to have come in sometime early in the morning. Her first impulse upon reading Tom's three-line note was to erase it, sure that this was just some scheme to make her change her mind, but after that first day, Tom had seemed to be going out of his way to respect her space. She had been greatly relieved, but some small part was also disappointed that he didn't think enough of their relationship to fight for it. And what was that remark about having information about her father? His attempt at manipulation was so transparent. She closed the message and hurried to Engineering. All that day and the next she kept expecting him to try to contact her again. They had even met at the weekly staff meeting. He had been polite, but distant, and left as soon as the captain dismissed the meeting. He certainly seemed to have no ulterior motive. So what could this mysterious information about her father be? She never told him, but she had checked the database a long time ago and could only follow her father's trail to Starbase 12 shortly after he left Kessik IV presumably on his way back to Earth. She doubted that he could have found anything there. And where else was he going to find information about him in the Delta Quadrant? He had to be bluffing. In the end her curiosity won out. She dismissed the idea of meeting him at the Resort or in the mess hall, and finally chose her office in Engineering. She figured her turf would give her the upper hand. It was private enough for a conversation, but public enough that he was unlikely to cause a scene. She also chose 1400 hours when Engineering would be busiest and full of crewmen at work. Tom smiled when he received her message. So far, so good. He was not surprised at the time or location she chose, but he also knew as far as this conversation was concerned, they were irrelevant, as Seven would say. Only the content mattered. Tom toyed with idea of making her wait a little while, but in the end decided that annoying her was not probably the best tactic to start out with. B'Elanna was working at one of the consoles with Carey and Nicoletti when he walked into Main Engineering. She looked up when she saw him, gave some last minute instructions to the two engineers, and walked into her office. Tom followed her. Of course, this had not gone unnoticed by the entire engineering staff and they looked towards the Chief Engineer's office expectantly. When several moments passed and no unseemly noises emanated from the alcove, they all gave a collective shrug and went back to work. Tom took a long look at B'Elanna. It seemed like he hadn't seen her for ages. Still beautiful, but he could see new tired lines around her eyes and the nervous movements of her hands. He was gratified to know that this hadn't been easy on her either, but still longed to take her in his arms, wipe the tension from her face, and ease the stiffness in her body. Instead he stayed just inside the doorway and made no move to approach her. B'Elanna finally broke the silence. "Hello, Tom." "Hello." Not sure of what to do with her hands, she finally crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned back against a console. She wanted to ask him how he'd been, but was too afraid of where that would lead, so instead she asked, "What is this about my father?" Tom made his voice as calm as he could. "You said that I would leave you like your father. I decided to try to find out something about him. And I did. In fact, I discovered quite a few things about him." Tom paused to let her think about what he had said. She finally broke the silence again. "Like what?" Tom stepped forward and placed an isolinar chip on her desk. "It's all in this holoprogram." She smirked, "Holoprogram?" "It's based on factual information. It's all in the ship's database, if you know where to look. It took quite a bit of time to find it all." He wanted her to know that he had put a lot of effort into it. She looked at the chip with distaste. Finally he said, "Look, it's yours. Do with it what you want," and he started to leave. "You really expect me to run some holoprogram of yours?" "It's not about me, if that's what you're afraid of. Like I said, do with it what you want," and this time he left without turning back. B'Elanna stared at Tom's back as he receded and then at the chip on the desk. Part of her was angry with Tom and she was tempted to throw the isolinar chip directly into the warp core. What right did he have to intrude into her past? It also infuriated her that he knew her so well. She cooled down some and picked the chip up from the desk, turning it over in her hands. Her father. She had thought about him so much when she was making her decision to break up with Tom. Afterwards she tried to put him out of her mind. She couldn't help but be intrigued. What could Tom have possibly found out about him? A shiver ran through her spine and she put the chip back down on the desk. She was afraid, but what could she find out that would be worse than anything she had ever imagined? I don't need to decide now, she thought as she retreated to the safety of her engines. Tom walked out of Engineering and turned the corner into an empty corridor. His control at last deserted him and he felt his knees weaken as he leaned against the bulkhead. He'd done all he could do and now it was up to her. He prayed that she would take the bait, but knew that there were no guarantees. He wouldn't let himself consider the alternative, however. She had to run the program. B'Elanna stood outside of Holodeck One turning the storage chip over and over in her hand. She had reserved and canceled time on the holodeck twice before. She wanted to go in and run away at the same time and so her feet remained firmly planted in this spot. Unless she went in, she knew she would just keep coming to this place. "Just get it over with," she said to herself. She slipped the chip into the reader and walked into the holodeck before she could change her mind again. In sickbay, the computer hailed Ensign Paris and notified him that the holoprogram Cesar Torres One had just been engaged. She was surprised to walk into the Observation Lounge on Voyager. The lights were on half illumination making the movement of the stars through the wide windows just that much more prominent. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she noticed the tall man with the salt and pepper hair standing facing the viewports. She approached him warily. As she got closer, her reflection appeared in the glass and he appeared to notice her for the first time and turned around. "Little Bee," he said softly. B'Elanna froze. It was her father's pet name for her. Had she told this to Tom? She couldn't remember. He took a tentative step forward bringing him more into the light and she could now see him clearly. In spite of his height, he somehow seemed too small. She was only five when she saw him last; she remembered him as the biggest man in the galaxy. He was ruggedly handsome, something time only seemed to accentuate. His dark eyes were warm and inviting and held just a trace of longing. "Little Bee, I've missed you." With these five words her determined detachment fled her. She had waited her whole life for those words. When her father first left, she was sure he would come back for her. Every day she would wait for him in the rock garden he had built for her which had been their favorite spot. She would imagine him walking up the path calling 'Little Bee' and how he would lift her over his head and hug her and tell her how much he had missed her just like she missed him. She spoke to her memory as much as to the figure on the holodeck. "Daddy." She found herself suddenly small again in his arms and he stroked her hair as she pressed her face against his chest. He held her silently as she slowly regained control. Finally she raised her head and began to study his face closely. One hand came up and touched his cheek, then moved a strand of hair behind his ear. Yes, I remember this, she thought, and smiled. The image of her father smiled in return. He let her go, but kept one hand and led her a couch facing the viewport. They sat sideways so they could look at each other. He softly caressed her hand in his. B'Elanna knew he wasn't real, but he was more than a reasonable facsimile. Tom was certainly talented; she'd give him that. As if reading her mind he said, "I'm so glad you decided to come. Tom said you might not." So he wasn't sure, the thought oddly comforting. She decided to play along. "I almost didn't." "I wouldn't have blamed you, if you had." She abruptly pulled her hand away. "I'm not the one that went away." "No," he said sadly. "So where did you go?" "First I went to Starbase 12. I had intended go back to Earth, but there were no transports going there immediately and I needed funds badly. I had left everything with your mother on Kessik IV. I took the first job I could find which was as a field geologist at the mining colony on Jopus. That was a real hell hole--it made Kessik IV look like a beach resort. I left at my first opportunity. From there I went to Darvis VI. That was a little better. "I spent the next six years moving from one mining colony to another. I won't bore you with the details. One was pretty much like the other and to tell the truth, I get them mixed up myself." He lowered his eyes as he made his confession. "I was drinking a lot. I got into a few fights. I wasn't very happy." "You could have come back." He looked surprised, "To your mother? No, I would just prove everything she ever thought about me." "What about to me?" "Maybe because she was right about me. You deserved better." "Yes, I did." She got up and walked over to the window. She leaned her forehead against the cool surface and for the moment looked out at the passing stars. Then she noticed his reflection watching her and turned around again. "What happened then?" He brightened noticeably. "I made a friend, Taygus Camail. We were both working a contract on Micas that was about to expire. He convinced me to go with him to his home world on Selaria Prime. He invited me to stay with his family. They were very good to me. His sister even convinced me to stop drinking." Then he added as if he wasn't quite sure how she would take it: "I fell in love with her." B'Elanna became very still. He went on. "We got married 15 years ago. The Selarians have a few different ideas and one of them is that the husband takes his wife's family name. So I became Cesar Camail. We have a son, too. Joseph. He's 13 now. I wish you could meet your brother." For some reason she had never considered the possibility that he might have another family. Besides surprise, she wasn't sure how she felt. She knew it was unrealistic to expect that her father had somehow remained frozen in time since she last saw him. 'I have a brother.' No, she had never considered the possibility. She decided to file that fact away to think about later. "Settling down seemed to have been good for my career, too. I'm a member of the Mining Council on Selaria. I give a paper or two every year. Sometimes someone even quotes me." He laughed at himself. In spite of herself, B'Elanna smiled. She had forgotten how much she had loved his laugh. Before he left, there wasn't much laughter in their house. The thought sobered her and her smile faded. He got up from the couch and walked over to her. He cupped her cheek in his palm, raising her face, and looked into her eyes. "Are you sorry you came?" "No." "But I haven't answered the question you want to ask the most." She could feel her throat tighten and she swallowed hard. "Why did you never visit or write or contact me, in all this time? You promised me you would." He dropped his hand, and looked away sadly. The hologram could offer no excuse. "I waited and waited. Mother said you were a coward, but I didn't believe it. I began to search for other reasons why you didn't come back. I could only think it was because I wasn't smart enough, or strong enough, or pretty enough." She could feel her anger rising as she spoke. "I was too 'Klingon' for my father. You left me all alone." "I left you with your mother." She smiled bitterly. "Oh, that's a good one. 'Mother emotionally absent'. I think that's the way they put it on my Starfleet Acadamy psych profile. But I never really expected anything else from her." B'Elanna grabbed hold of the lapels of his jacket squeezing them in her fists, pulling him closer. "But I loved you, and you deserted me. You didn't care about me at all." She could see his eyes begin to water at her painful accusation. Part of her was glad that she could hurt him the way she had been hurt. Another part was disgusted at such a display of weakness. She let go of his jacket, pushing him slightly, and began to turn away, but he reached out and held her arm. "I'm so sorry, Little Bee." B'Elanna pulled her arm away from him violently and then whirled around to face him again. "Don't call me that!" she screamed at him. "You're 'not' my father! 'My father' is on the other side of the galaxy. My father's 'not' sorry. My father doesn't even remember I exist." Her father's dark eyes looked at her so sadly. "That's not true. You should see this." He picked up a large data padd from the coffee table next to him and held it out to her. B'Elanna hesitated defiantly and then reluctantly took it from him. On it was a copy of a simple announcement such as was typically published in local newscans. Selmay and Cesar of the House of Camail take great pleasure in announcing the birth of their son Joseph Torres Camail on this great day of Prash 230.34.70. Honored siblings include his sister B'Elanna. The trembling began in her knees. Her father's hologram caught her just before they collapsed and tenderly lowered her to the couch. She clutched the data padd as if it were a life preserver. It wasn't much, really, she reminded herself, but it was the first and only indication that she had ever had in twenty years that her father hadn't forgotten her. The tears began to swell in her eyes and for the first time in her life, she was unable to stop them. She let her father's arms rock her as she surrendered to their release. Sometime later, feeling lighter in spirit than she could ever remember, B'Elanna walked out of the holodeck. She was only mildly surprised to find Tom waiting expectantly for her in the corridor. She smiled at him and walked directly into his arms hugging him tightly. Surprised, but grateful, he wrapped his arms around his beloved, resting his cheek on the top of her head. "Thank-you," she whispered into his chest. "You're very welcome." B'Elanna had talked to Tom a long time after she had left the holodeck that afternoon. She talked about her father and told him about what it was like after he left--about how much she had blamed herself. And even though now that she was grown, and she knew that none of it had been her fault, the deep-seated feelings of inadequacy were too entrenched to reason away. That early broken trust taught her that no one could be trusted and she learned to use her anger as a shield. As her feelings grew for Tom, so did her vulnerability and so she had tried to push him away. That she hadn't been able to scare him off, just seemed to make her push harder. Despite all of his efforts to prove to her that she could trust him, she explained that it just wasn't that easy, but she promised that she would try. He appreciated the effort it took for her to talk about it with him even now. At first, she tried too hard. Their conversations became stilted, their encounters studiously polite, until Tom decided he couldn't stand B'Elanna's 'best behavior' anymore. He deliberately picked a fight with her by siding with Seven of Nine on some dispute they were having about how to configure the power relays to Astrometrics and kept goading her until she finally threw a stack of data padds at him. He ducked and when he came up grinning from ear to ear, she finally realized what he had done and in spite of herself, joined the joke and laughed until her sides ached. They'd left Astrometrics--and a very confused Seven of Nine--arm-in-arm, feeling more comfortable with each other than they had since this whole episode began and their relationship finally got back to normal--at least normal for them. B'Elanna hadn't wanted to use the holoprogram of her father again, but she hadn't wanted to delete the program either. That her father had remembered her and at least thought enough of her to reveal her existence to his new family, comforted her immeasurably. She had told this to Tom, and that he had been able to do this for her gave him great joy. He knew that they hadn't laid her father's ghost to rest, so to speak, but now at least he was no longer lurking in the shadows and was out in the open where, hopefully, they could deal with him. Tom didn't know if B'Elanna would ever find out why her father never contacted her, or if she would ever see him again, but he couldn't imagine a force in the universe that would keep him from her side should either ever happen. And B'Elanna, for her part, was beginning to believe him.EPILOUGE "My, Mr. Paris, this is unexpected," said the Doctor as Tom entered sickbay. "Aren't you due on the bridge today?" "Yes, I am, and no, I'm not volunteering for an extra shift in sickbay. My back near my shoulder hurts. I thought you might take a look at it." He winced slightly as he rotated his shoulder by way of demonstration. He jumped up and sat on the edge of the indicated biobed as the doctor ran the medical tricorder over his back. "You have some torn ligaments. What have you been doing? On second thought, don't answer that." Tom just smiled at him, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The Doctor continued to talk as he collected a tray of instruments. "I should have expected you. Ensign Lang came in earlier looking for a mild stimulant. It seems her neighbors kept her up most of the night." Tom's expression turned sheepish, but he kept his mouth shut as the Doctor ran the subdermal re-generator over the affected muscle group. "There, that should be better. Try it now." Tom repeated the earlier movement without the wince. "Thanks." "I'm glad that you and B'Elanna are getting along again." "Yeah, such as it is," he said as he jumped down from the bed. "Oh? What are you arguing about now?" "We actually have two days off together and we're planning an extended holovacation. B'Elanna's been reading her father's geology papers and wants to go rock climbing in an underground limestone grotto on Selaria II. We do seem to have a lot of stimulating adventures in caves." "But, I take it, you have another idea?" "Oh, I suggested a new Captain Proton episode." "I thought you told me a couple of weeks ago you were getting tired of Captain Proton." "Oh, I am." The Doctor's puzzled look made him explain. "I can't just let B'Elanna win that easy. What would she think of me?" "But she will win?" "Yeah. This time." Tom smiled as he turned to leave. "Rock-climbing. Well, I'll be sure to be on call. You'll most likely both be needing my services." Tom turned back to the Doctor just before he walked out the door. "Always, Doctor. Always."ENDAuthor: As I said at the begining, this is my virgin effort. It was much harder to get a beta reader than I thought, so I apologize for any remaining gramatical errors. I could,however, get my husband to read it, and to my great prideand surprise, he got all teary-eyed at the right spots. If you did too, please let me know at gary@iservco.com. -- B'Renda