Here is the disclaimer. Paramount owns the characters of Startrek Voyager like B'Elanna and Tom But I own this story . It's mine ,all mine! (grin) This is my attempt at a humorous story. Those who know me know that it is as hard for me to make a humorous story as it is for a Vulcan to smile. There is a warning. Those who have a weak stomach are advised not to read this. Also do not read this before, during ,or after eating. If you read it before then you might encounter a severe lose of appetite. Reading this during or after eating,well lets just say I wont be held responsible for what happens. There is also some Tom bashing in it. Sorry, but it turned out that way. Thanks to Jade for correcting the rough draft, who unfortunately was eating at the time of correction. Which reminds me, she didn1t tell me what happened afterwards... Anyway have fun reading the story! The Jefferies Tube "Tom no way!" B'Elanna declared , disgusted at the suggestion. "There is no way that Captain and Q have something going on. You have a sick mind!" " You sure about that? You never know." he remarked putting down his fork and picking up his glass of water. He took a drink. "It's just like saying that Chakotay and Seven are an item!" she commented. He choked. Uh oh. That means what? "They're not right." " How would I know? I just laughed and choked on my drink because you were right." he said folding his arms across his chest. He smirked. "Thank God!" she exclaimed. He snickered until he noticed that she hadn't eaten anything. " You have barely touched your food." he commented. He was worried about her. There were dark circles around her eyes. " I'm fine Tom, you worry too much about me." She reached out her hand and took his. He squeezed back. " I just don't have much of an appetite today. You know , I just feel a little bit off." "Feeling a bit off might be a sign of something worse you know." He just wouldn't let it go, she thought to herself. He probably wouldn't until she went to sick bay. She picked up her fork and tried to look interested in her food. She sighed and shovelled a little bit of Neelix's latest creation into her mouth, chewed and swallowed. Bad idea she thought to herself as her stomach did somersaults. She felt positively sick. "What's wrong?" he asked, the concern evident in his voice. "Excuse me," she said as she fled the mess hall. Everyone stared after her. Tom got up and chased after her. The rumour mill was going to have a field day. Their trays were left on the now vacant table. "Some people have no respect," Neelix muttered as he picked up their trays. =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= =/\= He finally caught up to her and tried to block her way. "What's wrong with you?" he asked. "Tom please move out of the way." she pleaded with him. He stood his ground. " Not until you tell me what is wrong with you." She didn't have time for this . She had to get to the washroom. She knew she wasn't going to make it. Her eyes scanned feverishly for something to throw up in. "Well?" he said. Then she saw the Jefferies Tube door. " I think I'm going to be sick." she groaned. She rushed over to the door and flung it open just in time. The food came up and out with superhuman speed. She kept throwing up for 2 minutes, which felt like an eternity for her. When she finished she looked up at Tom. He looked slightly sick. Her eyes were watering and there was an awful after taste in her mouth. To her surprise, and anger, he started laughing. "What's so funny?" she asked, growling. " The Jefferies tube." he said between breaths. 3You threw up in the Jefferies tube." " You gave me no choice." she retorted. " I know but it's still funny though." He said his breath nowreturning. She groaned. "You're not going to be sick again are you?" he said concerned. " I think so " came her muffled reply. She threw up again, this time it hurt more because there was nothing to throw up. " Maybe we should go to sickbay?" he questioned. " Yeah I think so." she said standing up. Her hair was dishevelled. Tom slowly shut the door and they made their way to sick bay. Amazingly enough, B'Elanna didn't throw up on the way. The doctor eyed them as they came in. " Which one of you is hurt this time?" he said impatiently. " No one is hurt." said Tom. " B'Elanna just feels a little sick." He guided her over to the biobed. "I have a few guesses as to why too." The fact that he was working in sickbay was probably to blame for him being so intelligent in the matter. He smiled, he had never thought of himself as intelligent before and probably shouldn't now. It might get him in trouble. She slowly got up on the biobed. " What kind of sick is it?" the doctor asked. " Uh, well I sort of threw up in the Jefferies tube." she said, her dark complexion turning bright red. Tom smirked and for his trouble he got booted in the knee. The doctor raised his eyebrow in a similar fashion as Tuvok. " I don1t want to know why you threw up in a Jefferies tube." he said sarcastically and he shook his head as he saw Tom jumping around on one foot . "Mr. Paris?" "Um yes doc?" he said placing both feet on the floor. B'Elanna started laughing. " You said earlier that you had a few guesses about why B'Elanna was sick." he paused, "What were they?" " Well my first one was that she might of eaten something last night that made her sick," he said glancing at B'Elanna , who had barely finished laughing, " My second guess was that she might be .." he trailed off. " Go on." said the doctor. Damn.Now B'Elanna was interested in what he was going to say. He bit his lip. He didn't know if what he was going to say would be wise to say in front of B'Elanna. " My second guess was that she might be pregnant." he finished. " What?" she screamed. She jumped off the biobed and was about to attack him when her stomach rolled and a dizzy spell passed over her. Tom came to her side and escorted her back to the biobed. She glared at him. "Very good observations Tom." the doctor commented. " I had come to the same conclusions." "Why discuss guesses and conclusions when you could find out so easily?" she said in a weak voice. " I feel so sick I only want to find out what is wrong and get rid of it." She had lost all her want to fight. " B'Elanna is right." said the doctor as he picked up a medical tricorder and started scanning. As it passed over her abdomen, it beeped. "Well it seems that one of your guesses was right Tom." He paused " Congratulations Miss Torres and Mister Paris you're going to be parents." B'Elanna sucked in her breath. They shared a glance. Both parties looked nervous and scared. Then Tom laughed again for no reason. She glared at him then spoke. " Tom, now is not the time for your twisted sense of humour to..." "I know B' Elanna I'm really sorry but I really pity the person who finds that mess in the Jefferies Tube and has to clean it up." "Nobody's going to find it because you are going to clean it up," she said jabbing his chest. "Me?" he whined, "What did I do?" "You kept me from getting to the washroom in time." " I suppose you're going to blame me for you being pregnant too," he said sarcastically. " Of course!" she said, "I sure as hell didn't impregnate myself." "But B'Elanna.." he complained, "I don't want to miss being with you while you're here." "Tom you know most of what he is going to say anyway. Anything he says that's important I promise I will tell you." she promised. "Now go, and that's an order." "B'Elanna I'm the father." he said but she gave him a look that said don't mess with me. He gave her one last pleading glance but she shooed him away. He left sick bay with his heels dragging on the ground. He didn1t notice the pitying glance the doctor gave him. =/\= =/\= =/\= "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew." he muttered as he wiped at the mess of puke with a paper towel. "Captain Janeway to Ensign Paris." came a voice over his combadge. " Tom here, Captain." he said deliberately changing Ensign Paris to Tom. It was still a sore spot, his demotion. " Why haven't you reported for bridge duty yet?" she demanded. Uh oh. He1d totally forgotten that one. " I have to clean something up?" he said. "Can't it wait?" she asked. " I was ordered to clean it up by B'Elanna," he said sighing. " She didn't confirm that with me," she said. "Does that mean I get to come for bridge duty?" he said eagerly. Maybe a little too eagerly. "It obviously sounds like it is something you don't want to do, so I guess..." "Yes?" he said expectantly. " You can finish cleaning what ever it is up. Then report for Bridge duty." He groaned. "You have to toughen up Tom. Besides a little bit of dirty work won't hurt you." She cut the connection. He could have sworn he heard Harry laughing in the background. " Every single female on the ship is picking on me." he muttered to himself, "And Captain Janeway is the ring leader." From then on he muttered about how he had to clean up B'Elanna's throw up. And how she wouldn't even let him stay with her and anything else he could think of that really, really, really, ticked him off. The End. Now you know what the warning was for. You also know why it is called The Jefferies Tube. It is a word used often in the story and the most sad thing of all is that I don1t know if it is spelled right... I hope you have lots of feedback and constructive criticism is welcomed. I hope you like it and maybe found it slightly funny. At least that is what it was supposed to be but I don1t know..... Joanna -------------------- Archive Submission Here is the disclaimer. Paramount owns the characters of Startrek Voyager like B'Elanna and Tom But I own this story . It's mine ,all mine! (grin) This is my attempt at a humorous story. Those who know me know that it is as hard for me to make a humorous story as it is for a Vulcan to smile.  There is a warning. Those who have a weak stomach are advised not to read this. Also do not read this before, during ,or after eating. If you read it before then you might encounter a severe lose of appetite. Reading this during or after eating,well lets just say I wont be held responsible for what happens. There is also some Tom bashing in it. Sorry, but it turned out that way.  Thanks to Jade for correcting the rough draft, who unfortunately was eating at the time of correction. Which reminds me, she didn1t tell me what happened afterwards... Anyway have fun reading the story!   The Jefferies Tube "Tom no way!" B'Elanna declared , disgusted at the suggestion. "There is no way that Captain and Q have something going on. You have a sick mind!" " You sure about that? You never know." he remarked putting down his fork and picking up his glass of water. He took a drink.  "It's just like saying that Chakotay and Seven are an item!" she commented. He choked. Uh oh. That means what? "They're not right." " How would I know? I just laughed and choked on my drink because you were right." he said folding his arms across his chest. He smirked. "Thank God!" she exclaimed. He snickered until he noticed that she hadn't eaten anything.  " You have barely touched your food." he commented. He was worried about  her. There were dark circles around her eyes. " I'm fine Tom, you worry too much about me." She reached out her hand and took his. He squeezed back. " I just don't have much of an appetite today. You know , I just feel a little bit off." "Feeling a bit off might be a sign of something worse you know." He  just wouldn't let it go, she thought to herself. He probably wouldn't until she went to sick bay. She picked up her fork and tried to look interested in her food.  She sighed and shovelled a little bit of Neelix's latest creation into her mouth, chewed and swallowed. Bad idea she thought to herself as her stomach did somersaults. She felt positively sick. "What's wrong?" he asked, the concern evident in his voice.  "Excuse me," she said as she fled the mess hall. Everyone stared after her. Tom got up and chased after her. The rumour mill was going to have a field day. Their trays were left on the now vacant table. "Some people have no respect," Neelix muttered as he picked up their trays.      =/\=        =/\=       =/\=     =/\=     =/\= He finally caught up to her and tried to block her way. "What's wrong  with you?" he asked. "Tom please move out of the way." she pleaded with him. He stood his ground. " Not until you tell me what is wrong with you." She didn't have time for this . She had to get to the washroom. She knew she wasn't going to make it. Her eyes scanned feverishly for something to throw up in. "Well?" he said. Then she saw the Jefferies Tube door.  " I think I'm going to be sick." she groaned. She rushed over to the door and flung it open just in time. The food came up and out with superhuman  speed.  She kept throwing up for 2 minutes, which felt like an eternity for her. When she finished she looked up at Tom. He looked slightly sick. Her eyes were watering and there was an awful after taste in her mouth. To her surprise, and anger, he started laughing. "What's so funny?" she asked, growling. " The Jefferies tube." he said between breaths. 3You threw up in the  Jefferies tube."  " You gave me no choice." she retorted. " I know but it's still funny though." He said his breath nowreturning. She groaned. "You're not going to be sick again are you?" he said concerned.  " I think so " came her muffled reply. She threw up again, this time it hurt more because there was nothing to throw up.  " Maybe we should go to sickbay?" he questioned. " Yeah I think so." she said standing up. Her hair was dishevelled. Tom slowly shut the door and they made their way to sick bay. Amazingly enough, B'Elanna didn't throw up on the way. The doctor eyed them  as they came in.  " Which one of you is hurt this time?" he said impatiently. " No one is hurt." said Tom. " B'Elanna just feels a little sick." He guided her over to the biobed. "I have a few guesses as to why too." The fact that he was working in sickbay was probably to blame for him being so intelligent in the matter. He smiled, he had never thought of himself as intelligent before and probably shouldn't now. It might get him in trouble. She slowly got up on the biobed. " What kind of sick is it?" the doctor asked. " Uh, well I sort of threw up in the Jefferies tube." she said, her dark complexion turning bright red. Tom smirked and for his trouble he got booted in the knee.  The doctor raised his eyebrow in a similar fashion as Tuvok. " I don1t want to know why you threw up in a Jefferies tube." he said sarcastically and he shook his head as he saw Tom jumping around on one foot . "Mr. Paris?" "Um yes doc?" he said placing both feet on the floor. B'Elanna started laughing.  " You said earlier that you had a few guesses about why B'Elanna was sick." he paused, "What were they?"  " Well my first one was that she might of eaten something last night that made her sick," he said glancing at B'Elanna , who had barely finished laughing, " My second guess was that she might be .." he trailed off. " Go on." said the doctor. Damn.Now B'Elanna was interested in what he was going to say. He bit his lip. He didn't know if what he was going to say  would be wise to say in front of B'Elanna. " My second guess was that she might be pregnant." he finished. " What?" she screamed. She jumped off the biobed and was about to attack him when her stomach rolled and a dizzy spell passed over her. Tom came to her side and escorted her back to the biobed. She glared at him. "Very good observations Tom." the doctor commented. " I had come to the same conclusions." "Why discuss guesses and conclusions when you could find out so  easily?" she said in a weak voice. " I feel so sick I only want to find out  what is wrong and get rid of it." She had lost all her want to fight. " B'Elanna is right." said the doctor as he picked up a medical tricorder and started scanning. As it passed over her abdomen, it beeped. "Well it seems that one of your guesses was right Tom." He paused " Congratulations Miss Torres and Mister Paris you're going to be parents." B'Elanna sucked in her breath. They shared a glance. Both parties looked nervous and scared. Then Tom laughed again for no reason. She glared at him then spoke.  " Tom, now is not the time for your twisted sense of humour to..." "I know B' Elanna I'm really sorry but I really pity the person who finds that mess in the Jefferies Tube and has to clean it up." "Nobody's going to find it because you are going to clean it up," she said jabbing his chest.  "Me?" he whined, "What did I do?"  "You kept me from getting to the washroom in time."  " I suppose you're going to blame me for you being pregnant too," he said sarcastically.  " Of course!" she said, "I sure as hell didn't impregnate myself."  "But B'Elanna.." he complained, "I don't want to miss being with you while you're here."  "Tom you know most of what he is going to say anyway. Anything he says that's important I promise I will tell you." she promised. "Now go, and that's an order."          "B'Elanna I'm the father." he said but she gave him a look that said don't mess with me. He gave her one last pleading glance but she shooed him away. He left sick bay with his heels dragging on the ground. He didn1t notice the pitying glance the doctor gave him.         =/\= =/\= =/\=  "Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew." he muttered as he wiped at the mess of puke with a paper towel.  "Captain Janeway to Ensign Paris." came a voice over his combadge.          " Tom here, Captain." he said deliberately changing Ensign Paris to Tom. It was still a sore spot, his demotion. " Why haven't you reported for bridge duty yet?" she demanded. Uh oh. He1d totally forgotten that one. " I have to clean something up?" he said. "Can't it wait?" she asked. " I was ordered to clean it up by B'Elanna," he said sighing. " She didn't confirm that with me," she said. "Does that mean I get to come for bridge duty?" he said eagerly. Maybe a little too eagerly.  "It obviously sounds like it is something you don't want to do, so I guess..." "Yes?" he said expectantly. " You can finish cleaning what ever it is up. Then report for Bridge   duty." He groaned. "You have to toughen up Tom. Besides a little bit of dirty work won't hurt you." She cut the connection. He could have sworn he heard Harry laughing in the background. " Every single female on the ship is picking on me." he muttered to himself, "And Captain Janeway is the ring leader." From then on he muttered about how he had to clean up B'Elanna's throw up. And how she wouldn't even let him stay with her and anything else he could think of that really, really, really, ticked him off. The End. Now you know what the warning was for. You also know why it is called The Jefferies Tube. It is a word used often in the story and the most sad thing of all is that I don1t know if it is spelled right... I hope you have lots of feedback and constructive criticism is welcomed. I hope you like it and maybe found it slightly funny. At least that is what it was supposed to be but I don1t know..... Joanna