Author's Note:  Here's my story.  It's my first, so be gentle.  I know, I know they don't belong to me, and if they did I have no idea where I'd put them all.  Now that the obligatory bad joke is out of the way, enjoy.His Idea by Emily GardnerThis whole thing is his idea.  Of course it is.  Romance is not my strong point.  Not to say I don't like it, who doesn't?  But I have no talent for planning it.  Not enough imagination or patience or combination of the two, I guess.  So the whole thing is his idea.     Apparently, the planet we are now orbiting has spectacular waterfalls. Tom was with the original landing party.   When the captain announced that we would be granted shore leave, Tom said that we should go.  He said it would be special.  You see, we've been together three months now.  He jokes that its worth celebrating; three months without killing each other.  I suppose he's right.  Chakotay just about died when I actually requested shore leave.  I always have to be odered to relax.  Usually by him.  We aren't Maquis anymore, but he still watches my back with the fierceness of a true friend.  When he raised his eyebrows at me I just told him it was Tom's idea, he nodded sagely and kept his mouth shut.  It was only recently that Chakotay seemed to approve.  For the longest time he thought Tom was up to something.  I finally worked up the courage to tell him to back off.  It's hard with him.  I'm afraid of making some mistake that I can't return from.  But I wish he would just swallow his pride about Tom.  He's come about a million miles from when we first came on board.  I still remember the set of his jaw when he told us Paris was not to be touched.  I'm not one to talk about pride, though.  It took me months just to tell Tom how I felt.   Even after I knew that he felt the same way.  Months.  Months.  Months wasted.       He stayed here last night.  We don't do that often.  I like to catch the last couple of hours of Gamma shift.  You know, to give Joe a chance to get me up to speed, and get a jump on the day's work.  I find that things run much more smoothly if I come in early and stay late.  They all hate me for it.  I know they do.  But she's my ship.  Not Janeway's.  Not Starfleet's.  Not the crew's ship.  Mine.   She talks to me in the night, and I know her better than anyone.  I love her.  I know it sounds stupid, but I don't think I really loved before I loved her.  I had affairs.  I had lovers.  They were men I cared about, I even thought I cared about some of them deeply.  But none of it compared to what I feel for this ship, not even the blinding crush I had on Chakotay.  I think it's because of the ship that I can love Tom so much.  Imagine that, being taught to love by an inanimate object.     He stayed here last night, despite the fact that I get up ridiculously early.  He even got up with me, though I didn't know it at the time.  I was in the shower and I felt someone behind me.  I yelled at him for scaring me and he just smiled.  He reached past me for the soap and he lowered his head to just barely nuzzle my neck, which is something that drives me crazy.  He was teasing me.  He considers it his right after the Sakari Homeworld.  I think he wanted to see if I would be late for him.  So I teased back.  I turned around to face him and walked under the spray, keeping my eyes half closed and growling low in my throat like he likes.  I just waited.  After only a few seconds he pushed me against the shower wall plundering my mouth.  I turned the water on cold, and jumped out of the shower.  I left with his threat to get me back ringing in my ears.  I can't wait.     When things started getting obvious Chakotay asked me what I see in Tom, and I couldn't explain it to him.  But something about this morning made it all clear.  I know that there are people who care for me. They love me despite who I am.  Chakotay loves me, but the needs me to find peace in myself, he abhors my temper, it embarrasses him.  Harry is my friend, but he is terrified of me sometimes.  And the captain had no use for me until she discovered I infact had a brain.  Sometimes I think she sees me as this talented, but barely civilized animal.  Tom loves me because of who I am.  Nothing about me seems to embarrass or scare him.  He makes me feel incredible.  I suppose that's why I'm taking four days off and I suppose that's why I'm standing here packing swimsuits and clothes that I've never worn.     He just walked in the door.  Even if I hadn't heard it I would have known.  I feel his eyes.  I can picture him leaning just in side my door.  There's a small corner there.  His corner.  During those first few weeks he spent a lot of time pressed into that corner.  My knees actually get weak thinking about it.  Those weeks when we were first discovering each other the smallest thing could set either on of us off.  We had to walk on opposite sides of the corridor or we'd end up devouring each other in the hall.  And with our luck the captain would have walked by just as things started to get interesting.  I know he's watching me.  He does that a lot.  Even before we were together he would stare at me.  I feel like he's drawing me when he looks at me like that.  His eyes lose all pretense of joking around.  I like the effect even if it makes me fidget, like I'm doing right now.  I'm about to turn around when I feel his hands come around my waist, his thumbs making small tight circles on my hipbones. "Hi" I mumble tightly.  He says nothing.  He just nibbles at my neck.  This is just more teasing.  We are supposed to leave in half an hour.  He's early.  He's not even supposed to be off shift for another twenty minutes.  "You're early."  I add, turning in his arms.  He steps back and smiles wickedly "Yeah, I know.  Transporter room three in half an hour.  Right."  This is not a question.  I understand now.  He's afraid I'll back out at the last minute, which is something I have I have been known to do.  This is Tom's not so subtle way of saying "you're damn engines can do without you for a while."  I suppose they can. Things in Engineering have been amazing ever since this whole thing started.  Crazy, I know.  I almost want to get back to Starfleet just so I can tell them that if they want their ships running at maximum efficiency they should keep the Chief Engineer well fucked.        "Half an hour."  I lean into kiss him, but he backs away wagging a finger at me.  "You are waaaay to tempting.  I still have to pack."  He smiles again and leaves.         Gods, I love him.  Everything.  Even when all I want to do is deck him, I love him.  He's turned me into a gooey schoolgirl.  I know I get an asinine grin on my face when I think about him.  A stupid grin just like the one plastered on my face right now.  I'm sure my people in engineering have some silly name for this new look.  I wear it a lot.  Much more than I should.  That's partly his fault.  I used to be queasy about Tom's past with women.  He's been with a lot.  I think he even dated some one I knew at the Academy.  But a lot not just in his life but on this ship.  There was a point in time when I really did think he was working his way through he crew.  But now I see there are advantages.  He knows some pretty amazing... things.  And if he had to sleep with half the women he's met to learn them, I can accept that.  He's made it pretty clear that I'm all he's interested in for the time being.  Time being.  Time.  Being.  Being what?  Short?  We both know this thing is not going to last forever.  There are people on this ship amazed that it's lasted for three months.  I'm amazed. When we got caught in the Jefferies Tube people thought they finally had an explanation for our relationship.  It's all physical, they said.  They'll get tired of each other.  It is pretty physical, but that's not all.  It's hard to explain.  We're not completely honest with each other.  There are some things we don't talk about. Like whose prisons are worse, StarFleet's or the Cardasian's.  His father, my mother, Caldik Prime, what really happened between me and Chakotay when I first joined the Maquis.  That sort of thing.  We know half-truths, the rumblings of dreams, mummers between heaving sobs.  We know things that no one else knows, things we never will and never have told other people.  But never the whole story.  We just can't seem to...  I know that there will come a time when no amount of late night revelations and teary confessions will save either of us.  So we are going on shore leave.  We are celebrating three months.  Three amazing months.  Three months closer to the end when ever that is.  I have to go now, or I'll be late.-Any body still here?  I forgot, if anyone has any comments, opinions, questions, flames, or chocolate I can be reached at whammy42@usa.net  -ELG