TITLE: THE HELMSMAN'S LOGS - 2372 AUTHOR: L.E. Jones CODE: 
Paris, Crew, P/f RATING: [PG-13] SUMMARY: The second in a 
collection of Tom Paris' personal logs during Voyager's seven 
years in the Delta Quadrant. Part 2 focuses upon the ship's 
second year, 2372. FEEDBACK: lee66132000@yahoo.com - I would 
appreciate constructive feedback. Thank you. DISCLAIMER: Tom 
Paris and all other characters related to Star Trek Voyager 
belong to Paramount, Viacom, Rick Berman, the Roddenberry family 
and other Trek producers. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This covers Season 2 episodes from "Initiation" 
to "Basics, Part 1". 

"THE HELMSMAN'S LOGS" by L.E. Jones 

PART TWO - 2372:

STARDATE 49000.95 - Aaaagh! Shit! I've got the worse hangover! I 
never thought anyone could get a hangover from synthehol. Hell, 
I haven't had one since my days with the Maquis and that was 
with real alcohol. Poor Marie was still unconscious when I left 
her quarters, this morning. Oh well. At least we had one hell of 
a party. Too bad all of us weren't able to enjoy it. Tuvok 
wasn't there. And B'Elanna left the party before the New Year. 
Too bad. The party became even wilder after she left. In fact, I 
have to say this was one of the best New Year parties I have 
ever attended. End personal log.

STARDATE 49004.6 - We nearly lost Harry, today. While making a 
polaron scan, his shuttle accidentally intersected a timestream. 
Harry would have been killed from a warp-core breach, if Torres 
had not transported him to the ship in time. After we retrieved 
him, he asked if I was aboard the ship. Strange. He said 
something even odder after he appeared on the Bridge. "I owe you 
one." Now, what did he mean by that? End personal log.

STARDATE 49013.63 - Harry told B'Elanna and me a strange tale, 
this evening. Only, it wasn't really a tale. That timestream 
that Harry had intercepted, sent him to an alternate reality. A 
reality where neither of us ended up on Voyager.

Harry told us that in the other reality, he served in the 
Starfleet Corps of Engineering and lived with his fiancée in San 
Francisco. Lucky bastard. It seems my alter ego never made it 
aboard Voyager, especially after I . . . I mean, he got into a 
fight with that Ferengi bartender on Deep Space Nine. Alternate 
Tom was pardoned on Stardate 48702 - three months short of my 
full sentence. I, or he ended up as drunken barfly in 
Marsailles. When Harry told us this - most reluctantly, I may 
add - not even B'Elanna could look me in the eye.

In the end, even Harry ran into hot water after visiting a known 
"Maquis sympathizer" - namely me - and accessing classified 
files about Voyager. Those idiots at Starfleet Command accused 
him of spying for the Maquis. Harry found out about the 
timestream accident from an extra-dimensional intelligence named 
Cosmo. Assigned to watch over Harry after the accident, Cosmo 
eventually gave Harry the coordinates to return to the right 
timeline. And Harry would have never accomplished this without 
help from Libby and Alternate Tom. I may add that my alternate 
ego died in a shuttle core breach just seconds after helping 
Harry return to our time. Poor bastard. Makes me appreciate my 
life aboard Voyager even more.

B'Elanna asked Harry why he didn't remain in that alternate 
life, when given the chance. It seemed he couldn't live with his 
friend, Danny Byrd, being unnecessarily stuck aboard Voyager. Or 
me, wasting my life away at Sandrine's. Poor Harry. He gave up 
so much in the name of friendship. And to right a wrong. That's 
Starfleet for you. I hope he never changes. End personal log.

STARDATE 49045.55 - The Captain has finally approved my 
suggestion to conduct flying lessons for members of the crew 
outside the Conn Division. So far, only five crewmen have 
volunteered. Harry, of course; Mike Ayala; a Bajoran named Tal 
Celes; Sue Nicoletti and Kes. I noticed that my good buddy, 
B'Elanna, failed to volunteer. She claimed that Engineering took 
too much of her time. Right! Tell me something new. The truth is 
that she can't bear to drag herself out of Engineering for 
anything other than meals and sleep.

As for Kes - well, I didn't really expect her to volunteer. A 
part of me felt elated. Another part of me dreaded the lessons. 
I mean, c'mon! Kes and me inside a small shuttle, together? 
Gods! I don't know if I would be able to keep my hands off her. 
End personal log.

STARDATE 49053.37 - I am so pissed! Goddamn warthog! (Takes a 
deep breath) Okay, I'm calm. How to start from the beginning?

Well for one, I finally admitted my feelings about Kes - to 
Harry, of course! I sure as hell didn't confess to Kes. Even 
when I had the opportunity. It was those damn flying lessons! I 
knew those lessons would be a problem. Watching her face lit up 
as she attempted to maneuver the shuttle (in Holodeck Two, of 
course) through one of the simulations I had created. And then 
she fell right into my arms . . . It's a damn good thing I have 
great restraint, or I would have tried to seduce her right there 
and then.

That little shuttle lesson became the breaking point for me. I 
had to tell someone. Who better than my good friend, Harry Kim? 
When we arrived in the Mess Hall for lunch, I felt relieved that 
he had joined me. We found Kes eating her lunch, all alone. 
Unfortunately, Harry was called to the Bridge. Which left me 
alone with Kes . . . and Afarian hair pasta. Who in the hell 
ever heard of hair in pasta? Anyway, Neelix went green-eyed 
jealous over the whole thing and dumped a plate of pasta on my 
chest. So, I decided to return the favor. And the next thing I 
knew, he tackled me to the floor and we began to wrestle. The 
Captain summoned us to her Ready Room for a mission, before I 
had the chance to change into a fresh uniform. Needless to say, 
she was a little miffed. However, she seemed more concerned with 
our mission. Which was? Neelix and I were ordered to fly to an 
M-class planet to collect foodstuff. Great! Just what I need! A 
day with a jealous, volatile warthog with no fashion sense. Oh 
well. At least we didn't get busted for the fight. End personal 
log.

STARDATE 49055.85 - This has certainly been a day of changes. 
Yesterday, I wanted to strangle Neelix. But after spending 
several hours on a planet together, caring for a baby 
reptohumanoid, we're now best buddies. Who would have thought? 
To be honest, once you get past Neelix's insecurities and 
jealous temper, he's not a bad guy. He's one of the very few 
people I can talk with on this ship. I even told him about that 
ridiculous grade Dad gave me in Survival Training at the 
Academy.

Now that Neelix and I are friends, I have to consider Kes off-
limits, permanently. I'm still attracted to her, but as I had 
told Neelix, she has eyes for no one but him. I might as well 
stop fooling myself and admit it. 

Shit! This itching is driving me crazy! Damn trigemic vapors! I 
hope the Doc has some cordrozine available. End personal log.

STARDATE 49068.04 - Miracle of miracles! Harry and I finally 
persuaded B'Elanna to volunteer for pilot lessons in the 
Holodeck. Today, marked her first day in the classroom. After 
insisting that she was already a pretty good pilot, she managed 
to crash the shuttle during a flight through an asteroid belt. I 
didn't laugh out loud, but she did order me to wipe that smirk 
off my face. What smirk? I don't recall smirking. End personal 
log.

STARDATE 49089.37 - Is it me or is the Captain becoming testy, 
lately? I suppose it was inevitable, with everyone demanding her 
attention. We're about to enter Botha space and Neelix has 
expressed concern over the matter. Doesn't exactly do much for 
my sense of security, either. 

Both Harry and B'Elanna are still in Engineering, trying to find 
a way to install holoemitters throughout certain areas of the 
ship. They've been working on this project for nearly a week, 
now and I miss them. New holoemitters would supposedly free the 
Doc from the confines of the Sick Bay and the holodecks. Hell! 
It's bad enough dealing with the man, while in Sick Bay. Must we 
have him underfoot, as well? End personal log.

STARDATE 49098.27 - If I ever find myself in Botha space again, 
it would be too soon. Gods, what a horrible place! To have one's 
deepest fears and desires exposed like that. I simply hated it!

The Captain was the first to experience these illusions. She 
claimed that she saw her fiancé on the view screen. Tuvok saw 
his wife and Harry, Libby. Soon, nearly the entire crew ended up 
telepathically manipulated by the Bothan. I thought I would end 
up facing my old love, Susie Crabtree. Or Kes. Instead, I found 
myself facing good ole Admiral Owen Paris, my childhood horror. 
There was he was, standing behind my shoulder and spouting those 
same hateful words I had to endure during most of my life. 
Naturally, I lost it.

Why the Admiral? Why him, of all people? Dammit! It was like 
facing all the insecurities and doubts of the past, again. I 
thought I had put it behind me, when I ended up in the Delta 
Quadrant. (Sighs) Apparently not.

Sandrine's was pretty crowded this evening. Even Neelix and Kes 
were there. Kes seemed particularly wary of me. I wonder why. 
Harry began his usual chatter about Libby. I guess seeing her in 
that alternate timeline made his longing for her, even worse. 
B'Elanna never told us what she had imagined. She didn't have 
to. The Captain and Chakotay's appearance told me everything. I 
can only imagine what had gone through her mind.

This is just great! B'Elanna is still mooning over the Great 
Spirit Guide and Harry still longs for Libby. At this rate, 
they'll end up as the two loneliest people on this ship - after 
Captain Janeway. End personal log.

STARDATE 49123.7 - Spent a pleasant Valentine's Day. The crew 
held a party inside Sandrine's. Harry and B'Elanna arrived 
together. I came with Ensign Renlay Sharr. I think B'Elanna 
would have enjoyed herself more, if Chakotay hadn't been there. 
She spent most of the evening, shooting discreet, yet longing 
glances at him. At least Harry and I were able to distract her 
with a dance, each.

I also managed to enjoy a dance with Kes. Again, she seemed a 
bit distant and I don't know why. She has been like this ever 
since we left Botha space. When I finally brought up the 
subject, she snapped out of it and became the old Kes I know and 
love. I wanted to ask what happened, but instinct told me it 
would be best to remain silent. End personal log.

STARDATE 49166.03 - Ten months after our encounter with the 
Caretaker, we came across another array station, similar to the 
one that brought us into the Delta Quadrant. The Captain ordered 
Harry to hail the station. To our surprise, we found it 
maintained by Ocampans - unfriendly ones, at that. They would 
have continued firing upon the ship, if Kes had not asked them 
to stand down. Neelix told me that the Captain will hold a 
dinner for our Ocampan guests in her new private dining room. 
Along with him, Chakotay, Tuvok and Kes have been ordered to 
attend. And the food will be prepared by the Ocampans. Lucky 
people. End personal log.

STARDATE 49171.76 - We finally made contact with the Caretaker's 
mate and it nearly ended in disaster for Voyager. Her name is 
Susperia and she came close to killing the Captain, B'Elanna, 
Tuvok and a few others in Engineering. Susperia had no desire to 
help us return to the Alpha Quadrant. Instead, she wanted 
revenge for the Caretaker's death. Despite what the Captain told 
her, she believed that we had killed him. If it hadn't been for 
Kes, she would have eventually destroyed the ship.

Speaking of Kes, I heard the Ocampans helped strengthen her 
telekinesis. Because of this, she nearly killed Tuvok, destroyed 
the plants in the Airpondics Bay and weakened Susperia by 
attacking one of the Ocampans. Whew! I never realized how 
powerful she could be. Then I remember who she handled that 
Bothan. End personal log.

STARDATE 49179.6 - While delivering a navigational report to 
Engineering, I asked Sue Nicoletti out for a date. She said no. 
Okay. I'm a little disappointed, but I'll get over it. I realize 
that Sue might not be my type, but neither is Kes. And I ended 
up falling in love with her.

Of course, one might ask why Sue Nicoletti? Again, like Kes, 
she's different from the other women I usually date. And quite 
frankly, I'm getting a little weary of fleeting romances. Sue is 
beautiful, intelligent and seems like someone I would like to 
know very much. Unfortunately, she is not interested in me. But 
hey! I'm a Paris. And Parises never give up. End personal log.

STARDATE 49201.76 - Voyager took one hell of a beating from the 
Kazon-Nistrim, today. We came across a Federation signal from a 
nebula cloud. A cloud that hid a Kazon ship, commanded by an old 
friend, Maje Cullah. The attack turned out to be a raid, 
masterminded by another old friend, Seska. Who now looks 
completely Cardassian. The raid resulted in the theft of a 
transporter module, a Kazon shuttle stuck in the ship's hull and 
a collapsed warp field. It's a damn good thing the Kazon were 
only interested in a hit-and-run raid. Or we would have been in 
serious trouble.

Harry later managed to drag B'Elanna out of Engineering for 
dinner in the Mess Hall. We talked about the raid and Seska. 
B'Elanna told us that Chakotay felt guilty for recruiting Seska 
into the Maquis, in the first place. Not really surprised. 
Chakotay was never a good judge of character. Tuvok, on the 
other hand, is a pretty good one. Neelix repeated a suggestion 
he had made to the Captain. And I quote: "Perhaps Commander 
Chakotay could use his intimate knowledge of Seska to manipulate 
her in much the same way she manipulated us." (Laughs) Oh Gods! 
(More laughter) I wish I had witnessed that little moment. 
(Takes a deep breath) Poor Neelix looked embarrassed when he 
repeated Tuvok's words. So did Harry. As for B'Elanna . . . 
hell, she looked as if she could commit murder. Instead, she 
stormed out of the Mess Hall in a huff. Probably to offer 
comfort to our embarrassed First Officer. End personal log.

STARDATE 49204.06 - We finally managed to rescue Chakotay from 
Seska and the Kazon-Nistrim. It seemed Seska had integrated our 
transporter module into Kazon technology. She and Cullah 
executed three men from the Kazon-Relora by transporting them 
into space. This turned out to be the last straw for Chakotay, 
who went after Seska and the module in a shuttle, without 
Janeway's permission. He left a message beacon, instructing us 
not to rescue him. Tuvok argued that we should heed the good 
Commander's advice. I had no problem with that. However, the 
always loyal B'Elanna convinced the Captain to go after 
Chakotay. We rescued him by first, kidnapping a group of Kazon, 
including Cullah, and insisting on a trade. It worked. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49209.09 - Stunning news, today. Well, first things 
first. Chakotay has returned to duty. He and the Captain spent a 
few minutes inside her Ready Room. Judging from their 
expressions, the Captain must have placed an official reprimand 
on his record.

And the big news? Seska left behind a message beacon for 
Chakotay. He rejected the Captain's offer to relay the message 
to his office. Big mistake. It seems Seska had used the sample 
of Chakotay's DNA she had stolen to impregnate herself. And now, 
she's carrying his child. Boy! The look on Chakotay's face was 
one I will never forget. He looked absolutely stunned. I can 
imagine how B'Elanna will react when she hears the news. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49220.98 - Saw B'Elanna for the first time in four 
days. Ever since Seska's little bombshell, she has been hiding 
out in her quarters or Engineering. Harry finally forced her to 
show up her shuttle lesson, today. In the end, I couldn't keep 
my mouth shut and asked where had she been for the past several 
days. B'Elanna claimed that she had been busy repairing the hull 
breach from Seska's raid. I called her a liar (God, I'm a brave 
man!) and told her I knew what was really going on.

"Like what?" she demanded.

I told her. I told her that I knew she was upset over Seska's 
pregnancy. I added that it wasn't Chakotay's fault. That Seska 
had stolen his DNA, while he was unconscious. And that Seska 
used the DNA to impregnate herself. "It's not like they had 
sex," I added.

Big mistake. B'Elanna immediately ended the lesson and started 
to leave the holodeck. Determined to make her see the light, I 
blocked her way and added that a) I knew about her infatuation 
with Chakotay; b) she was wasting her time on a man who was not 
the ideal she seemed to believe he was; c) Chakotay never struck 
me as her type; and d) that being the case, she should consider 
letting go of this infatuation.

Okay, maybe I had been a little too blunt. My words didn't 
exactly sit well with B'Elanna. In fact, she lost her temper and 
threatened to dismember me if I didn't get out of her way. Well, 
a guy usually knows when he's not wanted and I knew that if I 
didn't step aside, she would carry out her threat. So I moved. 
And she left. God only knows when she'll speak to me, again. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49234.53 - I must be very unpopular with female 
engineers, lately. B'Elanna still isn't speaking to me. I really 
must have pissed her off. I also asked Sue Nicoletti for another 
date. This time, she responded with an emphatic no. (Sighs) I 
wonder if Harry is available for a quick game of pool, tonight. 
I might even allow my old snuggle bunny, Ricki, to make an 
appearance. End personal log.

STARDATE 49245.06 - Trouble aboard Voayger, today. The warp 
field coils are beginning to malfunction. And they're affecting 
the port nacelle. Engineering had to reroute power to the anti-
matter reactor. It's the only way we can keep moving. Harry and 
B'Elanna informed us that Voyager desperately needs tellurium 
for the reactor. Fortunately, Neelix knows where we can acquire 
a supply. Until then, many shipboard systems will be down. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49250.52 - Ever since the Captain, Tuvok, and B'Elanna 
end up missing on the Mokra homeworld, the crew has been in a 
state of anxiety. All because of the damn tellurium. Neelix's 
description of the Mokra Order reminded me of the Nazi regime 
from 20th century Earth history. In the end, our missing trio 
and Neelix ended up dealing with representatives from the 
Alsarian resistance movement. Neelix returned to the ship with 
the tellurium. Unfortunately, the others ended up either missing 
or captured. End personal log.

STARDATE 49253.87 - We got the Captain, B'Elanna and Tuvok back. 
Barely. Chakotay sent me and an Away team to rescue them from 
the Mokra Order. By the time we found them, they had rescued 
themselves. Augris, head of the Mokra, had been killed. I think 
the Captain is still upset over the death of that old man. The 
Doctor healed Tuvok's wounds. Never saw a Vulcan look so chewed 
up like that. I don't know about B'Elanna. She has been in her 
quarters, since her return to the ship. I think Harry is with 
her. I'd join them, but I don't think B'Elanna wants my company. 
End personal log.

STARDATE 49260.43 - Gods, I'm running late! The staff meeting 
starts in less than 15 minutes and I just finished showering. If 
I had remembered, I would have never spent the night with Margot 
Gallagher. She and Dick Bennet had finally called it quits some 
five weeks ago. Big argument in the Mess Hall. Bennet consoled 
himself with Jana McCormick from Engineering. Since Sue 
Nicoletti is proving to be elusive, I decided to try my luck 
with Gallagher. At least for a while. According to Harry, Bennet 
is pissed. Too bad. He should have thought of that before he 
took up with McCormick. End personal log.

STARDATE 49278.21 - The crew found and beamed aboard an android 
that had been floating in space. Naturally Tuvok, with his usual 
Vulcan "doom-and-gloom", nay-sayed the idea. But the Captain 
gave B'Elanna and Harry permission to repair the android. Now, 
they have a new toy to become obsessed over. Harry eventually 
grew tired and left Engineering. Not B'Elanna. I gather she's 
still there, obsessing over her new toy.

Also, Gallagher asked me over to her quarters for dinner. I 
guess I would have preferred Nicoletti, but something tells me 
that a date with her would be hopeless. So, I'll be keeping 
company with the lovely Margot, tonight. End personal log.

STARDATE 49281.19 - A hell of a lot has happened, lately. That 
android B'Elanna had repaired, kidnapped her, so she would 
create a prototype of Pralor druids. The Captain threatened the 
Pralor ship with force, in order to force them to return 
B'Elanna. Instead, they responded by attacking the ship. The 
attack left Voyager with little warp power for half a day. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49282.84 - The Captain, Tuvok and Chakotay finally came 
up with a plan to rescue B'Elanna. Thank God! The plan was to 
distract the Pralor ship long enough for me to slip inside its 
shields by shuttlecraft, beam B'Elanna aboard and fly back to 
Voyager. I did suggest getting inside the Pralor's shields 
without a diversion and Mister "Crash" Chakotay had the nerve to 
hint that I might wreck another shuttle. Jesus! This coming from 
a man who has wrecked more shuttles than all of the Federation's 
enemies combined!

In the end, another ship filled with androids created the 
diversion. They were the Cravic, and were at war with the 
Pralor. I managed to slip through a breach in the Pralor's ship, 
caused by the Cravic. I also beamed B'Elanna aboard the shuttle. 
Unfortunately, not before she was injured.

Later at Sandrine's, Harry and I learned from B'Elanna that 
there had been a war between the Pralor and the Cravic. They had 
created androids to fight their armies. When the two races ended 
their war, the androids exterminated them in fear of being 
deactivated or destroyed. I've said it before and I'll say it 
again - we're too dependent upon technology.

And yes, B'Elanna is speaking to me again. She thanked me for 
rescuing her from the Pralor. After Harry left our table for 
drinks, she also admitted that I had been right about her and 
Chakotay. I don't think her infatuation is completely over, but 
I can see that she no longer puts him on a pedestal. It's a 
relief to know that she is finally on the road to recovery. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49302.85 - Sad news today. Q or Quinn has committed 
suicide. According to Kes, he killed himself by swallowing 
Nogatch hemlock. A little gift provided by that other omnipotent 
being, Q. After the Captain gave him asylum aboard Voyager, I 
thought he would readily join the crew. I guess not. Kes said 
that she didn't feel too sad. Not only was Quinn free of the Q 
Continuum, he no longer had to deal with an existence in 
eternity. End personal log.

STARDATE 49315.82 - The Kazon-Nistrim are back. Dammit! Voyager 
sustained damage to several decks and impulse engines, during a 
twenty minute battle. We engaged against two Nistrim ships. One, 
I'm happy to say, was destroyed. The other, although heavily 
damanged, managed to escape. I hope it will be a while before 
our next encounter with the Kazon. However, my gut tells me that 
we'll be seeing them a lot sooner. End personal log.

STARDATE 49327.65 - Gods, I'm tired! Once again, Voyager had 
another battle with the Kazon. Don't these people ever give up? 
This time, they managed to take us by surprise, during Gamma 
shift. The battle ended in the destruction of the Kazon ship. 
Unfortunately, Voyager sustained damage to the starboard nacelle 
and Deck Eight. Two crewmen - Larson and Golwat - were injured. 
Right now, I need a bite to eat and some rest. End personal log.

STARDATE 49330.11 - Another battle with the Kazon-Nistrim. 
Cullah and Seska seemed to be after us with a vengeance. Again, 
several decks were damaged, along with the navigational 
deflector and impulse engines. B'Elanna had to shut down the 
warp engines, to prevent a core breach. After the battle, I went 
to Engineering to help her repair the navigational deflector. 
The place was a mess! Several crewmen had been injured, along 
with Kurt Bandera. B'Elanna told me that he died not long after 
he had been beamed to Sick Bay. She seemed pretty shaken by the 
news. So was I, to be honest. Kurt had been the only Maquis who 
had treated me decently, despite being one of Chakotay's closest 
friends. 

Kurt's memorial service was held during Gamma shift. After the 
service, Ensign Hogan, another ex-Maquis, accosted the Captain 
about trading Federation technology with the Kazon. He saw no 
harm in it. Mind you, I have a pretty low opinion of the Prime 
Directive, but not even I would consider such a trade. Unless 
the situation was desperate enough to call for one. But I don't 
see any harm in forming an alliance with the Kazon.

Thankfully, Chakotay managed to convince the Captain into 
considering a Kazon-Federation alliance. Harry was appalled. 
Tuvok, surprisingly, seemed to have found logic in the idea. 
Tuvok and Chakotay agreeing to the same thing - scary! B'Elanna 
suggested we try to make an alliance with the Nistrim. I thought 
it was a good idea. Chakotay didn't. I guess he would have 
preferred another Kazon sect. But the Captain told him that he 
would have to deal with an alliance with Seska and Cullah. Since 
the whole idea was his to begin with. You know, I'm glad the 
Captain has finally considered this alliance, but I have a 
nagging feeling that she hopes it will fail. End personal log.

STARDATE 49332.42 - Harry is still bitching about the possible 
alliance with the Kazon. He said that the latter cannot be 
trusted and such an alliance would a violation of Federation 
ideals. B'Elanna coolly asked him if he had felt the same about 
the Federation's treaty with the Cardassians. Harry kept silent 
after that.

Neelix has left to make contact with the Kazon-Pommar. I guess 
the Captain has plans to establish an alliance with all of the 
Kazon sects. Good luck! We should rendevous with Neelix, 
tomorrow. End personal log.

STARDATE 49337.71 - The whole alliance between us and the Kazon 
has gone to hell, thanks to the Trabe. Funny thing is, I'm not 
really surprised. People don't really change that much, and I 
guess one could say the same about the Trabe. A few decades ago, 
they had been a highly sophisticated race who oppressed the 
Kazon for generations. Turned them into a slave race. The Kazon 
eventually rebelled against the Trabe and more or less, have 
been hunting them down, since.

The Captain, Chakotay and many others believed the Trabe had 
learned some humility over the years. Ha! What a joke! I'm not 
saying that I was suspicious of the Trabe, but I don't think 
people change that drastically, no matter what they went 
through. And I certainly didn't think the Kazon would tolerate 
the Trabe's presence at the peace conference. Well, I was right. 
The Trabe tried to kill all of the Kazon majes and the entire 
alliance fell apart. So, that's the end of that. And judging 
from the Captain's little "we are Starfleet" speech, I think 
she's secretly pleased over the alliance's failure. She never 
wanted the alliance in the first place. But sooner or later, I 
suspect she's going to realize that one day, she will have to go 
against Starfleet protocol to ensure our survival in the Delta 
Quadrant. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.39 - Harry, B'Elanna and I discussed an 
interesting topic during lunch, today. Warp 10 flight. According 
to B'Elanna, the dilithium we had picked up from that dark 
nebula about a month ago, has proven to be strong and rich 
enough to remain stable at a much higher warp frequency. In 
other words, it could be used to allow a ship to travel at Warp 
10. Starfleet has always considered it an infinite velocity 
unattainable by normal warp drive technology. But with this new 
dilithium, Voyager could travel at Warp 10. This would enable 
the ship to travel at a speed that theoretically, occupies all 
points in the universe simultaneous. Maybe give us the ability 
to travel at transwarp speed. 

We all agreed it was something to think about. I think B'Elanna 
and Hharry saw this as an opportunity to get home, quickly. I 
saw it as an opportunity to make aviation history. Since the 
Captain is now in her quarters, we plan to present the idea to 
her. I better hurry or I'll be late. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.8 - The Captain has agreed to let us work on the 
Warp 10 project. (Takes a deep breath) Okay. Warp 10. Gods, I 
hope we'll be able to pull it off. (Pauses) Boy, wouldn't that 
be something? To be the first pilot to reach Warp 10. I wonder 
how Dad would react if I succeed? Would he finally see more than 
just an embarrassment to the Paris name? (Pauses) I don't know. 
End personal log.

STARDATE 49357.67 - I didn't know whether to hug or kiss Neelix 
after listening to his little story. Okay, I had settled for a 
hug. Harry, B'Elanna and I have been running holodeck 
simulations on the Warp 10 flight. And each simulation, ending 
in failure. We thought it were the nacelles buckling under 
pressure of transwarp flight, but it was the shuttle's hull. 
Neelix's tale (hell, I forgotten all the details) gave me an 
idea. We should strengthen the shuttle's hull with ?, instead. A 
second holodeck simulation proved that my idea worked. Harry, 
B'Elanna and I informed the Captain and Chakotay. And now, it 
seems I will be conducting the Warp 10 flight, tomorrow morning. 
I only hope . . . (door chimes) Hell, who is it now? End 
personal log.

LOG SUPPLEMENTAL - Dammit, I nearly lost the flight! All because 
of the Doc. The Captain came by to inform me that the Doc found 
a slight enzymatic imbalance in my cerebellum. And that 
something that might affect my health during the experiment. And 
that Harry will conduct the flight in my stead.

(Sighs) For a moment, I thought I might have overreacted at the 
news. Gods, I really didn't realize how much I wanted to make 
this flight, until I nearly lost it. Do I want the recognition 
that badly? To be known as the one who made the first Warp 10 
flight? I mean, what was it going to get me? (Pauses) I don't 
know. I . . . Hell! Who am I kidding? It's not the name 
recognition I want. It's the respect.

Yeah, I know that some of the crew have begun treating me with 
more respect and friendliness, in the past six months or so. 
Treat me as part of the crew. But I still see signs of hostility 
and disgust in the eyes of many people. Especially people like 
Chakotay. Maybe this Warp 10 flight will finally erase their 
distrust for good. End personal log.

STARDATE 49359.86 - I did it. I became the first Human or 
sentient being to achieve Warp 10 speed. It was amazing! In a 
breath of a second, I went everywhere in the universe. Other 
sectors of the Delta Quadrant, the Alpha Quadrant, in the past 
and in the future . . . My name will probably end up in the 
History books, with others like Cochrane and Armstrong. And yet 
. . . I don't know. I guess I don't feel that elated as I 
should. The Captain certainly did. And so did B'Elanna. Now, why 
don't I feel the same? I don't know. Maybe earning the respect 
of others just isn't enough. (Sighs) Oh well. Huh, it's almost 
17:00 hours. I forgot that I'm supposed to meet B'Elanna in the 
Mess Hall, so we can go over the specs of the flight. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49378.33 - This has all been a surreal dream. I wish it 
had been a dream. But it wasn't. I actually died. And 
resurrected as a lizard, a salamander or something. The Doc told 
me that I had evolved into man's future state. I don't know if I 
agree with that conclusion. How can an amphibian be considered 
man's future form?

The funny thing is that I don't remember a damn thing that 
happened. Well, I take that back. I do remember how awful 
Neelix's coffee tasted. Maybe I can get him to change the name. 
And I remember lying flat on my back in the Mess Hall, and 
writhing in pain, while B'Elanna stroked my hair. (Pauses) Whoa! 
Now why did I say that? Anyway, the Doc happily filled me in on 
some of the hazy moments. Let's just say that he knows a lot 
about the history of my sex life. Perhaps too much. He also 
knows that I don't trust people who don't cry and that I have a 
serious inferiority complex. Gods! What else did I reveal? Oh, 
he did add that I asked Kes to give me a kiss. Thank goodness 
Neelix will never find out.

The Doctor had a plan to restore my original DNA, using matter 
from the ship's warp core. Only, I managed to escape, kidnap the 
Captain, and leave Voyager in the Cochrane, before he could 
succeed. The crew found the Captain and I on some swampy planet, 
three days later. And we had transformed into a pair of 
salamanders. Salamanders with babies. Great! In a space of four 
days, I've died, resurrected, transformed into another species, 
kidnapped the Captain, transformed her, took her to a planet and 
knocked her up. I must add that we had three babies. Chakotay 
and Tuvok had decided to leave them on the planet. Huh. Too bad. 
I wouldn't have minded being a father. I think.

I had apologized to the Captain for my behavior. She's really 
something. She had suggested that she might have been the one to 
initiate our . . . uh, mating. Shit! Now I feel like an 
embarrassed schoolboy! As for the Warp 10 project, it looks as 
if we might have to find another way for a starship to travel at 
that speed - and without "evolving" into another animal. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49406.28 - Oh shit! What the hell has Tuvok got me 
into? And why in the hell did I agree to get involve in his 
crazy plan? Okay, I know why. There's a spy aboard Voyager. 
Someone aboard ship may be in contact with Seska and the Kazon. 
And the Captain and Tuvok have asked me to help me flush out 
this spy. The plan calls for acting like a malcontent - being 
late for duty, submitting incomplete reports, tweaking 
regulations. And all this would mean coming into conflict with 
the ship's First Officer. Namely Chakotay.

A part of me does not really want to take that step backward. I 
don't want to be that man who first boarded Voyager just over a 
year ago. But if it means flushing out that spy . . . Gods! I 
only hope that a lot of people will forgive me when this is 
over. End personal log.

STARDATE 49415.19 - Operation . . . hell, I don't know. Bad Boy? 
Well anyway, it has commenced. The operation to flush out the 
spy.

I began with a little something that was bound to get me into 
trouble - an illegal gambling operation. Unfortunately, the plan 
called for using Harry. Allow him to win a game of pool to 
bolster his ego. Then challenge him and a few others with 
another game of chance - namely, predict the daily radiogenic 
particle count at the price of one replicator credit per bet. 
And I would get to keep a small percentage of the proceeds for 
operating the game. This ought to grab Chakotay's attention and 
get me into trouble. End personal log.

STARDATE 49417.21 - Murder aboard Voyager. This morning, 
B'Elanna told Harry and me that she found Crewman Frank Darwin 
inside an ESP conduit - apparently murdered. Tuvok has already 
found the culprit. Namely, Lon Suder. I'm not really surprised. 
I didn't know Suder that well in the Maquis. That's because one 
glance at those creepy peepers of his had encouraged me to stay 
away. Can you blame me? There seemed to be a violent and 
bloodthirsty aura about him. And to think he had killed Darwin, 
because he didn't like the way the other man looked at him. I'm 
glad that he never caught me staring.

B'Elanna seemed really shook up over the whole thing. She 
complained that Tuvok made a big thing over Chakotay's failure 
to inform him and Janeway about Suder's character. I replied 
that I didn't blame Tuvok. If everyone knew about my "criminal" 
past, why should Suder be exempt? B'Elanna, loyal as always, 
didn't respond well to my remark.

Tonight, the radiogenic sweepstakes will resume. I wonder who 
will win the pot. My guess is no one. End personal log.

STARDATE 49420.49 - It's finally happened. The first steps of 
the operation to flush out Seska's spy ended when Chakotay found 
out about the sweepstakes and shut it down. And it only took him 
two days. He tried to give me the old "I thought-you-could-do-
better" speech, but I shot him down with a nasty comment. I have 
to be honest. I really enjoyed getting Chakotay's goat like 
that. It's as if this whole mission has given me carte blanche 
to express my true feelings.

What I don't like is earning the other crewmen's antipathy. 
Especially Harry's. He is my closest friend on this ship. And 
ever since being captured by the Vidiians, the crew has slowly 
begun to accept me. I only hope the spy will make him or herself 
known before I can piss off anyone else. 

As for the brains behind this operation - I haven't seen Tuvok 
lately. Instead, I've been reporting to Captain Janeway. 
According to B'Elanna, who heard from Ayala that Tuvok had mind 
melded with Suder to learn the latter's motives for killing 
Darwin. I wonder what happened that led Tuvok to disappear like 
that? End personal log.

STARDATE 49458.08 - The operation to flush out Seska's spy 
continues. At Tuvok's request, I was late for the senior staff 
meeting, regarding the latest crisis, looking disheveled. The 
problem is that I wish I hadn't - considering what was being 
discussed.

Voyager encountered - would you believe this? We encountered a 
Cardassian missile here in the Delta Quadrant. And it arrived in 
the same manner as we did - via the Caretaker's array. What made 
this situation even more bizarre is that the Maquis had captured 
the missile and reprogrammed it to strike a Cardassian target - 
namely a fuel depot in a sector far from here. The missile 
apparently believed it was still in the Alpha Quadrant, and that 
an M-class planet called Ralorka IV was the Cardassian fuel 
depot.

B'Elanna confessed that it was she who had reprogrammed 
Dreadnought (the Maquis' name for it) without Chakotay's 
permission. Apparently, the Big Guy, in that "damn soft voice of 
his" made his disappointment known after he found out. Typical 
Chakotay. But I didn't say so to B'Elanna. Our conversation 
eventually switched to my recent "discipline" problems. She had 
heard about my recent altercations with Lieutenant Rollins, 
regarding my navigational reports. What could I say? That I'm 
pretending to be a pain-in-the-ass, so that Tuvok can flush out 
a spy? Instead, I lied and told her that Rollins had over-
exaggerated the situation. You know, I almost chucked Tuvok's 
crazy little scheme after that conversation. I don't know. 
Manipulating Harry was bad enough. But for some reason, I really 
felt like a heel after lying to B'Elanna. End personal log.

STARDATE 49459.81 - She did it. B'Elanna stopped the Dreadnought 
missile from striking Ralorka IV. And not a minute too soon. At 
first, we all thought she had deactivated the missile - until I 
noticed that it had resumed its course to the planet. Hearing 
its voice - B'Elanna's voice - over the Comm system nearly gave 
me the creeps. It sounded so unemotional. So unlike B'Elanna.

After we lost contact with B'Elanna during her second trip to 
Dreadnought's interior, the Captain decided to evacuate Voyager 
and detonate it in front of the missile to divert it from 
Ralorka IV. I wanted to stay behind and help, but she insisted 
that Harry and me follow Chakotay and the others to the escape 
pods. Only Tuvok remained behind. Fortunately, B'Elanna 
destroyed the missile and we all returned to the ship. It just 
hit me. If Voyager had been destroyed, I would have been left 
with the messy task of informing Chakotay about the mission to 
find the spy. And considering our recent hostilities, I would 
have found myself in a sticky situation. End personal log.

STARDATE 49499.09 - It's been over a month since I began this 
mission to trap the spy and I'm getting nowhere. I haven't been 
approached or anything. So, the deception continues. Once again, 
I was late in reporting for duty on the Bridge. I must say that 
I came up with some pretty lame excuses - like helping Sam 
Wildman give birth. Unsurprisingly, no one bought them. And 
naturally, Chakotay raised a fuss. The only other action that 
occurred was an encounter with a Vidiian ship. It didn't turn 
out that big of a threat. We only found one lifesign aboard - a 
female who was seriously ill. Talk about a dull and frustrating 
day. End personal log.

STARDATE 49501.45 - Chakotay and I had a fight in the Mess Hall. 
A spat, really. And for once, it wasn't my doing. Okay, maybe it 
was my fault, since I was the one who became hostile. But I have 
to admit that Chakotay presented me with the perfect opportunity 
in his attempt to play the Good Samaritan. He wanted to talk 
about my recent problems. Maybe help me. You know, I almost 
laughed in his face. But I didn't. Instead, I sneered at his 
concern for me and accused him of never taking my contributions 
to the ship, seriously. I even brought up my suggestion of 
investigating a ? nebula. Actually, I knew it was a dumb idea 
that Chakotay would surely dismiss. And give me the opportunity 
to express my hostility.

Poor Chakotay. I really feel sorry for him when he learns about 
this deception. Don't get me wrong. I don't like the guy, but 
the shit is really going to hit the fan when he realizes that 
the Captain and Tuvok had decided not to include him in this 
little scheme. I finally asked Tuvok why he didn't want Chakotay 
to know. He replied that he suspected a former Maquis of being 
the spy and he wanted to spare our first officer of any personal 
conflictions, considering the latter's tendency to jump to the 
Maquis' defense whenever one of them encounter any discipline. 
Seemed plausible. Somewhat. Okay, it was pure bullshit. I may be 
wrong, but I have the oddest feeling that spite and dislike 
played a part in Tuvok's decision. As our indomitable security 
chief has stated repeatedly, Vulcans have emotions. They only 
suppress them. Yeah, right. This decision to keep Chakotay in 
the dark is a sure sign of emotional suppression. End personal 
log.

STARDATE 49503.51 - The Doc is in love! Who would have believed 
it? Well, I already knew that he harbored some feelings for Kes. 
I just never thought he would fall or someone else. Namely, our 
Vidiian visitor. I've only met her briefly, inside Sandrine's, 
last night. When the Doc told me about her reactions to his 
overture, I realized that my original estimation of Denara Pel 
had been right. She was shy. Even B'Elanna, who had every reason 
to hate the Vidiians, developed a sympathetic regard for her.

After the Doc's failure with Denara, he asked me for advice. Me, 
Tom Paris. Of all people! I guess he doesn't know about my 
rapidly declining reputation. Anyway, I told him about my old 
Academy girlfriend, Susie Crabtree, and how she dumped me at the 
end of our first year. After word of Caldik Prime got around, I 
guess she finally realized that she had been right to dump me. 
Anyway, I agreed to help the Doc win Denara Pel back. And I just 
came up with an idea. End personal log.

LOG SUPPLEMENTAL - Just paid a visit to Tuvok's office. He 
informed me that it was time to take our deception a notch 
upward. A step that should either bring me in contact with the 
spy or Seska. I have to create some kind of physical altercation 
with Chakotay that will get me in the Brig. Oh great! This 
should look good on my record. Sigh! I hate to say it, but Tuvok 
is right. So far, the Big Man has barely reacted to my 
insubordination. I'm beginning to suspect that he's a stick of 
wood in disguise. Maybe what Tuvok has in mind will finally do 
it. Push the situation beyond control. And the sooner I end this 
charade, the better. End personal log.

STARDATE 49509.03 - Well, it finally worked. Tuvok's plan. I 
reported on the Bridge yesterday morning, late as usual. 
Chakotay coolly informed me that he has found someone else to 
replace me at the Helm. Namely Baytart. I know this was supposed 
to be an act, but for some reason, I felt a surge of anger. I 
really wanted to hit the bastard. Instead, I insisted upon 
reporting for duty and that was when Chakotay gave me the 
opportunity. He touched me on the arm, but I purposely over-
reacted and shoved him. I have to be honest. It felt good. The 
pleasure disappeared when the Captain ordered Tuvok to escort me 
to the Brig. For a brief moment, I felt a sense of déjà vu. It 
brought back the time when Starfleet captured me after three 
weeks with the Maquis. The feeling ended when Tuvok led me to 
his office. He assured me that this little stint to the Brig 
will not appear on my record. 

After twenty-four hours in the Brig, I was released. No one had 
come by to visit me. Not even Harry. I guess I don't blame them. 
That reminds me, I have to find out how the Doc's date with 
Denara Pel went. End personal log.

STARDATE 49520.59 - This will be my last log entry, until my 
return to the ship. That is, if I ever return. Since my little 
spell in the Brig, I have become persona non gratis aboard 
Voyager. Only the Doc, Harry, Kes and Neelix seemed willing to 
talk with me. The Captain and Tuvok decided it was best to take 
the deception to the next level. Leave Voyager and offer myself 
as bait to Seska. Tuvok contacted a Talaxian freighter that was 
looking for a new pilot. He figured that once the crew learn 
about my departure, the spy would contact Seska. I only hope 
that . . . (door chimes) Enter! Got a visitor. End personal log.

STARDATE 49526.06 - I am so glad to be back! And to be honest, I 
really didn't think I would make it. Especially after Seska 
caught me using the ship's computer. But it was too late. At 
least for her. I managed to discover the spy's identity before 
she could stop me. It was Mike Jonas. Now that I think about it, 
I'm not really surprised. There was always something about him 
that I didn't trust. Even back in the Maquis. Too quiet and too 
sneaky. And I also remembered that he and Seska used to be quite 
chummy back in those days. Well, he's dead, poor Mike. I don't 
think anyone will mourn him.

Now that I've succeeded in my mission, I've become very popular 
aboard ship. Both Neelix and me. I think that little spot on the 
"Breakfast With Neelix" show must have done the trick. 
Personally, I found it embarrassing, but Neelix insisted that he 
interview me. I don't know why. He was just as responsible for 
stopping Jonas and Seska from luring Voyager into a trap. And he 
was the one who killed Jonas.

Most of the Maquis are pretty upset over the revelation. 
Especially Hogan. I haven't seen such embarrassment since Seska 
was revealed to be a Cardassian spy. I think the embarrassement 
was worse for Chakotay. Not only was he the one who had 
originally recruited Jonas, but he also found out about Tuvok 
and the Captain's scheme. I don't know if he has forgiven those 
two for making a chump out of him, but judging from the silent 
treatment I have received since my return, he hasn't forgiven 
me. I guess things are back to normal. End personal log.

STARDATE 49537.58 - The Doc's lady love, Denara Pel, left 
Voyager today. We delivered her to a Vidiian colony without 
being detected by her people. The seemed upset, but resigned. It 
seemed that the little matchmaking scheme Kes and I had devised, 
worked. Good. At least he had a nice romance.

Chakotay has begun talking to me again. Somewhat. At least when 
the topic of ship's business come up. But it's worse with 
B'Elanna. She hasn't given me the silent treatment, like 
Chakotay. Nor has she been hostile. But she seems to make sure 
that we're never alone, together. And during off duty hours, she 
usually sticks to Harry like glue. Or remain in her cabin - 
alone. I'm beginning to suspect that once again, our friendship 
is in serious trouble. End personal log.

STARDATE 49547.7 - Gods! This has been one bizarre day! Harry . 
. . and I mean by Harry Number 2 . . . Hell, I better start from 
the beginning!

It all started during Alpha shift. Sam Wildman went into labor, 
while we all anxiously awaited news of Voyager's first baby. It 
wasn't long before I spotted Vidiian ships on the sensors. 
Voyager eventually hid inside a plasma cloud to avoid detection. 
Once the ship left the nebula, all hell broke loose. The warp 
engine stalled, the antimatter supplies began to drain and 
proton burst caused a hull breach. We had no idea where the 
proton bursts came from, since B'Elanna had not begun to start 
our own bursts to stave off the antimatter drain. Then our 
situation became worse. The Doctor reported that Sam's baby had 
died, due to the ship's power drain. And . . . shit! It's all in 
the past and I'm still shaking. B'Elanna . . . B'Elanna reported 
from Deck 15 that Kes had disappeared into a mysterious void. 
(Pauses) And that Harry had died after being sucked into space. 
(Pauses) That news really floored me. I mean, Harry was gone. 
Permanently. But I didn't have time to digest that at the time. 
None of us did. Before we knew it, another hull breach occurred 
on Deck 1 and we had to abandon the Bridge.

What happened? A divergence field had caused sensor reading to 
double and every particle on the ship to duplicate. Two Voyagers 
eventually formed and there wasn't enough antimatter to sustain 
both vessels. We also discovered that the proton bursts that 
were damaging our ship, came from the second one. The Captain 
Janeway from the other ship visited our and explained 
everything. I don't know what plan the two captains had come up 
with. To be honest, we didn't have time for an explaination. The 
Vidiians had returned and began firing upon our ships. I mean, 
the other Voyager. Captain Janeway #2, in an effort to prevent 
the Vidiians from a successful organ harvest and detecting our 
ship, initiated the self-destruct button. Both the second 
Voyager and the Vidiian ship were destroyed.

Before the two ships were destroyed, the second Captain had sent 
over her Harry Kim and baby Wildman to our ship. In the end, Sam 
Wildman ended up with her baby after all. And we got Harry back. 
Sort of. Hell, I don't know. This is all crazy. Harry #2 - I 
guess I should just call him Harry - had repeated the Captain's 
words that weird was all part of the job of being a Starfleet 
officer. If you ask me, I could do without it. End personal log.

STARDATE 49556.69 - We held a christening for Sam Wildman's new 
baby. The good ensign named her Naomi. Very pretty. Neelix has 
been named godfather. During the whole, ungodly mess two days 
ago, he had comforted Sam while she dealt with the loss of the 
first baby.

Ever since our encounter with the plasma cloud, B'Elanna has 
grown even closer to Harry. I guess I don't blame her. Even if 
there are times when I feel that I'm being shut out. Witnessing 
the death of a friend can be very traumatic. I know from past 
experience. Which leads me to something else. Namely the odd 
looks I've been receiving from Harry. I wonder what he had 
witnessed. My counterpoint's death at the hands of the Vidiians? 
End personal log.

STARDATE 49583.99 - That's it! I've had enough! I asked Sue 
Nicoletti for a date and again, she gave me the brush off. I 
don't know what to believe. That she won't go on one simple date 
with me, or that I've been pursuing her for six months. I told 
Harry that my nickname for her is "Cold Hands, Cold Heart 
Nicoletti". Great! I've been pursuing an iceberg. I can't think 
of any other woman aboard this ship that I'm deeply interested 
in. Well, there was Kes, but I've recently discovered that I'm 
no longer in love with her. She's a warm and sweet woman. Like a 
sister. And I'm not really interested in incest. End personal 
log.

STARDATE 49608.69 - Dick Bennet is dead. He and two other 
crewmen were killed in a shuttlecraft crash, during a geological 
survey mission on the moon of Drayan II. Only Tuvok survived. 
Both McCormack and Margot Gallagher are devastated. Especially 
Margot. I went to her cabin to offer my condolences, but I don't 
think she was in the mood to receive visitors. I hope she 
doesn't do anything drastic. End personal log.

STARDATE 49654.99 - I used to think what I did on Caldik Prime 
was the worst I could image. Maybe it was. But what happened to 
Tuvix makes me wonder. I still remember standing on the Bridge, 
with him begging us to help him, while Security dragged him 
away. What could I do? Order the guards to let him go? Free him 
myself? The Captain would have won in the end, and we got Tuvok 
and Neelix back. So I just stood there like a goddamn coward. I 
am so disgusted. Not only with myself, but with the rest of the 
crew. The only person who didn't seem upset over the whole 
matter was Kes. She got Neelix back. I wonder if her experience 
with the Ocampans had really changed her. The Captain is wearing 
one of those "I did the right thing" expressions. Well, no one 
will condemn her. Hell, none of can. We're just as guilty for 
standing by while she killed Tuvix. End personal log.

STARDATE 49659.92 - While investigating this planet in the Nyras 
system, the Captain and Chakotay were bitten by an insect that 
infected them with a deadly disease. In order to keep them 
alive, the Doc had them put in statis. At least until he can 
find a cure. This has left Tuvok has assumed command of the ship 
and me, as acting first officer. Great! End personal log.

STARDATE 49744.67 - It's over. The Doctor was unable to find a 
cure for the Captain and Chakotay's disease. He had no choice 
but to return them to the planet's surface, where they had been 
infected. The planet's atmosphere helps keep the disease benign. 
So, we beamed them surface, along with equipment and supplies 
for a habitation.

Tuvok broke the news to the rest of the senior staff, during a 
meeting. He also added that the Captain had ordered the crew to 
continue on to the Alpha Quadrant. That meant Tuvok and I would 
permanently become the two senior officers. Oh God! This is the 
last thing I wanted - being Tuvok's XO. I can only assume that 
serving directly under Chakotay would be worse. As for Tuvok - 
he seemed so damn cold about leaving the Captain and Chakotay 
behind. What is it with him? Doesn't he have any feelings? 
(Sighs) Of course not. He's a Vulcan. And a Vulcan is the last 
person in the universe who should be in command of a ship. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49704.69 - I never realized, until today, what an idiot 
I've been. And a bigot. It took Ayala, of all people, to remind 
me.

It all started with Harry, who has been continuously bitching 
about Tuvok since we left the Captain and Chakotay behind. All 
of us were in the Mess Hall, brooding over our present situation 
and new captain. To be honest, Tuvok hasn't been much of a 
problem. But we were all still pissed by his cold attitude about 
leaving our officers behind. I thought that Ayala would 
understand how we felt, considering he used to be one of 
Chakotay's right hand men. Surprise, surprise! Instead, he 
reminded us that we were not giving Tuvok a chance to prove 
himself as a captain and leader. He reminded B'Elanna and other 
Maquis about how Chakotay had to grow as a leader of a Maquis 
cell. And he reminded the Starfleeters that Janeway had to do 
the same aboard Voyager. Ayala also added that Vulcan starship 
captains were nothing new in Starfleet. He had a point. He 
castigated us for not giving Tuvok a chance to grow into the new 
role as commander of a starship with a crew dominated by Humans.

I don't think Ayala's speech had much affect on the others. With 
the exception of a handful from the Security Division, Kes, 
Gerron, and our resident Vulcans, everyone else continued to 
brood over our new captain. I guess I can now consider myself 
part of the former. Mike was right. We should give Tuvok a 
chance. Hell, I got one. Why not him? I guess I've always prided 
myself on being tolerant. Mike made me realize that I had 
forgotten the Vulcan security officer who had not automatically 
considered me guilty of murder, last year. Shit! End personal 
log.

STARDATE 49808 - Trouble on the Bridge, today. Harry had 
detected a Vidiian ship some several light years away. Tuvok 
acknowledged the new with usual stoic manner and ordered us to 
continue our course. Then Harry made a mistake. He insisted that 
we contact the Vidiians to seek a cure for the Captain and 
Chakotay's disease. Even worse, he tried to rally support from 
the other crewmen on the Bridge. Between Tuvok's threats of a 
trip to the Brig and my warning, Harry finally backed down. 

What the hell was the matter with him? I realize that he missed 
the Captain. Hell, so do I. But what he did was stupid. 
Especially for a man with ambitions for a stellar career in 
Starfleet. End personal log.

STARDATE 49810.13 - He did it again. Once more, Harry tried to 
convince Tuvok to contact the Vidiians. He had approached Tuvok 
in the latter's quarters, early this morning. Harry had 
apologized for his earlier behavior on the Bridge. He even added 
that the Doc was willing to contact Dr. Denara Pel and that 
B'Elanna was willing to donate a sample of her Klingon DNA. Now 
that took me by surprise! And disturbed me, too.

In the end, Tuvok rejected Harry's request, reminding him of the 
destruction of that Vidiian ship, some three months back. And 
once again, Harry lost his temper. (Sighs) You know, maybe we 
should contact the Vidiians - if that would keep Harry from 
starting a large-scale mutiny. And with the Vidiians close by, a 
mutiny is the last thing we need. If that happens, who would 
save us? Tuvok is the only one aboard this ship with the 
tactical knowledge to deal with the Vidiians. And he can't do 
that, while in the Brig. End personal log.

STARDATE 49813.52 - In the end, Kes managed to convince Tuvok to 
contact the Vidiians. I'm relieved, but at the same time, I feel 
like a failure. As acting First Officer, I should have been the 
one to talk to him. It was my job. Just as it was my job to 
inform Tuvok about the crew's morale, without resorting to 
Harry's temper tantrums. Instead, I kept silent. Some XO I 
turned out to be. End personal log.

STARDATE 49818.7 - It worked. We got the cure from the Vidiians, 
thanks to Dr. Pel's generosity. And without Tuvok, we would have 
never escaped. Looking back on it, he was right to doubt the 
Vidiians' help. If it had not been for his tactics and Dr. Pel's 
help, we would have never succeeded. Now, we're on our way back 
to the Captain and Tuvok. End personal log.

STARDATE 49853.36 - It's been almost two weeks since our 
encounter with the Vidiians. I feel as if I'm on another ship. 
Voyager is on its way back to retrieve the Captain and Chakotay 
and the crew is happy. I know that Harry is happy. He has 
returned to the ideal Starfleet officer that he was before this 
whole incident. But his little act isn't fooling either Tuvok or 
me. I didn't think Vulcans could deliberately act cold toward a 
particular person, but I've noticed that Tuvok has been giving 
Harry the cold shoulder. I tried to point this out to Harry, but 
the big idiot replied that Tuvok had promised not to inform the 
Captain about his little insurrection. Maybe, but I wouldn't be 
surprised if she found out what happened, anyway. And Harry will 
live to regret it. End personal log.

STARDATE 49933.57 - It's been a day since the Captain and 
Chakotay's return to Voyager. I wish I could say that everything 
is back to normal. But I would be lying. Despite their 
gratitude, our two senior officers did not seem happy to be 
back. I would give a month's worth of replicator rations to 
learn what happened during those three months on that planet. I 
pointed out the Captain and Chakotay's subdued manner to 
B'Elanna and Harry. The former seemed disturbed, while Harry 
dismissed the whole idea. I'm beginning to wonder about Harry. 
In some ways, I think he has become even greener since leaving 
the Alpha Quadrant. Or maybe he just doesn't react well to 
change. And that's not a good trait for a Starfleet officer. End 
personal log.

STARDATE 49947.25 - Had lunch in the Mess Hall with Harry and 
B'Elanna. It turned out to be a disaster. Harry complained about 
Tuvok giving him a hard time on the Bridge, while the Captain 
and Chakotay were going over reports in the Ready Room, this 
morning. I told him what did he expect, after the trouble he 
gave Tuvok. I also added that he was lucky that Tuvok never 
reported him for insubordination. 

Okay, maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but all the 
tension from the past six months had finally got to me. And 
Harry's whining was irritating the hell out of me. He left the 
Mess Hall in a huff. B'Elanna demanded that I apologize. Why 
should I? Someone had to make Harry realize the consequences of 
his actions. He doesn't realize that he may have screwed up his 
Starfleet career for good. Limited as it is, here in the Delta 
Quadrant. I said this to B'Elanna and she gave me one of her 
death glares before leaving the Mess Hall, herself. Shit! I 
really should keep my mouth shut. End personal log.

STARDATE 49950.6 - I apologized to Harry for my remarks in the 
Mess Hall and he has forgiven me. We're friends, again. I can't 
say the same about B'Elanna. She continues to give me the cold 
shoulder Not once, during dinner, did she utter one word to me. 
I'm beginning to suspect that her attitude has more to do with 
the deception I had carried out to flush out Seska's spy, than 
with Harry. At first, I felt frustrated by her attitude. Now, 
I'm pissed. I'm getting tired of worrying about what she thinks 
of me. It seems as if she can't make up her mind. If she wants 
to be friends again, fine. If not, I guess I can live without 
her good opinion. I've done it before. End personal log.

STARDATE 49985.91 - Voyager came across a message buoy. From 
Seska. It seemed she finally had her baby. Or should I say, 
Chakotay's baby? And Maje Cullah seemed upset by the identity of 
the baby's father. Judging from the expression on Chakotay's 
face, I have a feeling that won't be going after the child. 
Which suits me just fine. If you ask me, this whole thing sounds 
like a trap. End personal log.

STARDATE 49987.73 - Chakotay and the Captain have decided to go 
after Seska's baby, after all. Oh God! This would mean heading 
for the Kazon-Nistrim stronghold in the Gema system. I had 
suggested we contact the Talaxian mining colony on Prema II for 
extra help. Even the Doc had a suggestion - use the ship's 
deflector grid as holoemitters in order to project images of 
nearby Talaxian ships. Not a bad idea, even though it's a 
deception that probably won't last. I did consider suggesting 
that we call this whole thing off, but I don't think anyone will 
listen. End personal log.

STARDATE 49996.36 - Voyager encountered a Kazon shuttle with an 
injured man inside. I recognized him immediately. One of Seska's 
aides - Tierna. Chakotay also recognized him. Personally, I 
think we should space Tierna out of the nearest airlock. I can't 
help but feel that we're being set up. I've heard that Chakotay 
has his own suspicions regarding our visitor. But as Harry has 
continuously pointed out, we are a Federation ship. And that 
means giving aid to those who needs it, regardless of our 
suspicions. Is it any wonder I never wanted to be a Starfleet 
officer in the first place? If the Captain is determined to give 
aid to Tierna, I hope she has considered contacting the 
Talaxians on Prema II. End personal log.

STARDATE 49999.98 - Tierna has regained consciousness. He 
claimed that Maje Cullah had killed Seska, after learning that 
Chakotay was the baby's father. As for the baby - it will be 
sent to Gema IV, the seat of Kazon-Nistrim power, to be raised 
as a servant. What's the point of repeating myself? This mission 
doesn't feel right. Besides, I really can't see Voyager 
infiltrating the Kazon-Nistrim stronghold.

Although today is New Year's Eve, no one is in the mood for a 
party. A few of us had gathered at Sandrine's for a little 
celebration. But the party mood died out before 2373 arrived and 
everyone left. Very dismal. End personal log.

THE END