Title: Fun and Games

By: Esmerelda and The Jaded One

Email: jadedone@dingoblue.net.au


Rating: G

Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters are the property of Paramount/Viacom.

Summary: Voyager crew goes bananas in the Delta Quadrant.

Archiving: Post anywhere, just tell us first.

It was another sunny day in the Delta Quadrant as Voyager hooned past heaps of boring stars and planets devoid of life, and dilithium. Things had gotten so dull that Captain Janeway was letting Neelix command the bridge while she was playing Strip Pool with Tom on the holodeck. Fortunately for her, she was winning and still had a majority of her clothes on. Tom, on the other hand, was down to his starship printed boxer shorts. Mmmmmm, sexy.

"One more loss and it all comes off." Shrieked Janeway.

Tom, looking more than usually embarrassed gave in like a big wiener and said, "I’m outta here, man." Paris gathered up his clothes and tossed his pool cue to Chakotay who was watching from the sidelines with a goofy grin on his face. Deciding he should pick up where Paris left off, he racked up the balls for another game. "Is it still Strip Pool?"

"You betcha booty baby."

Kathryn, slightly flushed with victory, smiled evilly at hunky Chuckles, and chalked up her cue for another game. Little did she know that Chakotay had been taking lessons from a holographic pool meister.

He stood back, casually leaning on his cue and let Kathryn break. Balls flew in all directions without even one sinking. Chakotay smirked and headed for the table. He was gonna whup her ass. In a few short minutes it was all over. He’d well and truly slaughtered her. He cocked an eyebrow at her as she stared open mouthed at the table, "So, Kathryn, another game?" He asked mischievously. She threw her pool cue at him, went red in the face and high tailed it out of the holodeck.


In the arboretum, Seven of Nine laid stretched out on a banana lounge trying to perfect her tan. To aid her in this, she wore nothing but a skimpy red string bikini. At her side sat The Doctor in a corresponding pair of red speedos. He driveled on about the dangers of skin cancer, all the while gawking at her.

"Doctor, this subject is irrelevant. If it disturbs you so much, why are you here? You are free to depart at any time. "

The Doctor chucked a hissy fit and left, leaving Seven in peace and the contents of her stomach in place. Speedos were never a good look on anyone.

Harry sauntered in and said, "How’s it hangin’?"

"I am unsure as to what you are alluding to, Ensign. Would you care to enlighten me?" Seven had a nasty glint in her eye as she asked Harry for an explanation of this off color remark. She’d been on Voyager long enough to have picked up the slang. Anyway, she enjoyed watching him squirm. However, he surprised her by looking her straight in the eye and answering, "The most common response to that is free and easy. It’s just a funky way of inquiring after your health."

He threw himself down on the banana lounge recently vacated by The Doctor and poured himself an extra large Maguerita , paper umbrella and all. Amazing the things you can find in the arboretum.




Tuvok glared at B’Elanna as she screwed up her face at the concoction she had just swallowed. "Yuk!! That’s foul!!!"

It had been Tuvok’s life long dream to be a pastry chef. It didn’t matter that he sucked at it, he just wanted to give it a go. It was only logical that he followed his dreams. Judging by his latest efforts and the responses from various crew members he was a better security chief than culinary pastry chef.

"Since you have quite vocally expressed your distaste for my haggis wellington, you can all go to hell."

B’Elanna looked a little surprised at this outburst, but since she was puking her guts up in a pot plant she paid very little attention to Tuvok’s histrionics.


On the bridge, Neelix swung his legs from the command chair, looking like an absurd child. He pushed a button on the arm rest and set off the self-destruct thingammy. "Self-destruct in 47 seconds." Intoned the ships computer .

Janeway burst onto the bridge like a crazed vole, all the while, screeching "I should have won, I should have won!" Hot on her heels came Seven in her bikini, Tom in his boxers, Tuvok with his funky chef’s hat, B’Elanna with a bucket, Harry with a margarita, the Doctor in his speedo’s and Chakotay with a smirk.

Kathryn stopped short when she heard the self-destruct countdown. "What the….. Neelix, who said you could do that. You know only I’m allowed to blow us all sky high." She stamped her feet like a petulant child and shoved him off the chair. Neelix fell with a resounding thump on the floor, curled up in the fetal position and whined like a girl. Janeway didn’t particularly care, as long as he was out of her way. "Computer, abort self-destruct"

"Unable to comply."


"I’m sorry, unable to comply."

Janeway’s face was turning a dark shade of purple, until she spotted the Ensign at the helm. Her eyes narrowed in indescribable fury, thus why we didn’t describe it. The Ensign was none other than Q.

"Q!" She spoke his name with such venom that spittle landed on the viewscreen, not a pretty sight at all.

Q smiled amiably at everybody, but most especially at Action Kate. "Hi there!" he said. "Miss me?"

In complete unison, the command crew bellowed " I don’t think so!"

"Well fine then." And he disappeared without further ado.

Janeway noticed that the self-destruct sequence had finally stopped it’s irritating countdown.

"I think we should all pretend that this day never happened." Janeway stated to all but her sexy side kick Chuckles. She then turned to him and in a sultry voice said, "You and me, in the holodeck for a rematch, tomorrow at 1400 hours."

The end.