ablunt@po-box.mcgill.ca
please find included my latest story called "Faces Log'.
A short log by our favourite Helmboy, after the episode 'Faces.'
Thanks!  And once again, I love the archive!
Amanda
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Disclaimers:  All Characters and everything else that is 
Trek belongs to Paramount and Viacom.  I am merely borrowing 
them to help fill in my imagination.  This is a personal log 
entry by Tom, after the episode 'Faces'.   Please forgive 
the Stardate, I am still trying to figure out the Stardate 
that was given (or an approximation of it.  My brother lent 
out his Star Trek Encyclopedia to his friendÑwho has not 
returned it yet).  This is one of my first works of fiction 
that I wrote last year, but only now, have I decided to put 
it in.  

Faces Log
A.Blunt
offofthedeck@hotmail.com

Lieutenant Paris' Personal Log, Stardate  943392..5

I had some real fun today.  So much fun, that I never want 
to go through that again.  Pete Durst, B'Elanna Torres, and 
myself were caught  by the Vidiians.  They then took 
B'Elanna away and proceeded to split her into two peopleÑher 
Klingon half, and her human one.  They later put her human 
half into the mines with Durst and myself, while they kept 
her Klingon one in a lab for study.  Apparently she has 
something in her genes which in unaffected by the phage.  
The rest of us worked in the mines, waiting for our captors 
to harvest our organs.  Talk about asking for donations!  
They later came to us and wanted Durst.  I insisted that 
they take me instead, but then I found a phaser rifle 
pointed in my face.  Pete then said "They're the ones with 
the guns."

B'Elanna's human half and I never saw him again.

Then again, we knew that we wouldn't.

B'Elanna's Klingon half saw Pete's face on a doctor of 
theirs.  I felt sick when I heard that.  According to 
Janeway, one of them had once claimed that their race had 
been that of an advanced civilisation, while another even 
said that he was a sculptorÑan artist.

Then the phage came.

A disease with no cure.

A disease in which the only way to survive is by harvesting 
body parts from either the dead or unwilling victimsÑlike 
Neelix was.

I can't really fathom a disease that can make a race do 
this.

Then again, it has not affected me.

But would I be willing to do this to others?  To kill in 
order for me to live?

I don't know.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't, but the truth is I just 
don't knowÑit would be nice if I did.  

But I don't.

I feel as though I've let the Captain down.  She says that 
what happened to Pete was not my fault, and had I applied 
more pressure, the Vidiians would have taken the both of us.  
Then she would have lost two officers instead of just one.

But I was the senior officer!  It was my DUTY to protect 
those under me.

And I didn't.

I couldn't.

I know intellectually, that there was nothing I could have 
done.

Nothing.

The scenario keeps replaying in my mind over and over and 
over.  And I can't change anything.  Not a damn thing!  No 
matter how much I try to, I can't.  And I know that I 
couldn't.  I know that there was nothing I could do to 
prevent what they did.

So then, why does it feel so bad?  Why do I keep saying to 
myselfÑlike a mantraÑthat I could have, that I should have 
done more?  Even if it meant death.

I was ready to die in Pete's place, but they said no, and 
Pete wouldn't let me go in his place.  I'm going to have 
nightmares tonightÑI know that for a fact.  Now that's four 
deaths on my conscious, in my dreams, in my nightmares.  

Something else to add to my demons.

If Chakotay didn't get us out, both B'Elanna and I would 
soon have been dead.  Killed for our organs.  I don't think 
that dad would have cared.  When I was sentenced, he said 
that he had no sonÑor at least he implicated it.  I was 
probably dead in his mind from that point on.  

Well, today, that almost became fact.