Written in round robin form by Sarah and Margaret.
Summary: Coffee, leola root, and insanity.
Disclaimer: All of Star Trek is owned by Paramount. We just thought that we couldn't do any damage by borrowing them for a bit. Hopefully all will be returned unharmed.
Okay, before I begin, I would like to do a little explanation of how this story came about. Imagine if you will, two freshmen seated at an Octoberfest at church, doing absolutely nothing. The entertainment is a group of yodelers from Switzerland and one of the two freshmen is downing her third cup of coffee. I think you'll understand.
Tom walked into the mess hall. He had a sudden craving for, amazingly enough,
leola root casserole. As he strolled into the room, he spotted B’Elanna devouring
an unusually high stack of banana pancakes. Grabbing tray out of the hands of a
very surprised Neelix, he made his way over to the seat across from his half
“This seat taken?”
B’Elanna swallowed the last bite of just one of her pancakes and shook her head.
“No, go ahead. Sit down. I assume that’s what you want.”
Tom nodded. “One of the many things I want actually.” He winked.
“Pig.” She muttered, her mouth completely full.
Harry joined his two friends within moments. “Hey B’Elanna, Tom. Did you catch
that baseball game on subspace frequency 47 last night?”
Tom shook his head, right before shoving a piece of root into his mouth. “Who
“That’s what I asked. Who played first?” Tom said, frustrated.
“You’re right. Who was on first.”
“I don’t know!” Tom practically yelled.
“No, he played third base.” Harry could see that Tom was getting really annoyed,
so he rolled his eyes. “Never mind. Not an Abbot and Costello fan I see.”
B’Elanna almost choked on her pancakes as she finally got the joke.
“You two always pick on me!” Tom complained, which only caused B’Elanna to
“Careful Tom, or she really will choke.” Harry chuckled and took a sip of Neelix’s
coffee substitute. A look of disgust crossed his face. “Ugh. This is awful!”
“Why do you think I hardly ever drink it?” Tom had no sympathy for his friend
after all the grief he’d gone through just of some casserole.
Captain Janeway entered the room. “Coffee! Coffee!” She exclaimed, grabbing
the mug from Harry’s hand. One sip made her spit it out, and all over Tom.
B’Elanna choked yet again.
:::Tuvok to Captain Janeway. There’s a planet within range. Almost the entire
mass is made up of...coffee.::: Tom could almost see the Vulcan’s eyebrow raise.
“Decaf or regular?” Was the only question.
She smiles and called out to Neelix as she hurried out of the room. “Hey Furrball!
Get all the coffee pots you can. Replicate more. We have a mission!”
A rousing cheer went up from all the inhabitants of Voyager who had heard the
captain’s conversation with Tuvok.
“There’ll be coffee tonight!” Cried one unknown ensign who ran out of the room at
warp speed. He was soon followed by nearly all the rest of the occupants of the
Tom shrugged. “I guess we’d better go up to the bridge and make sure that
Captain Janeway doesn’t go totally nuts and beam down alone.”
They were too late. By the time they arrived on the bridge, the captain had
changed into her bathing suit and was swimming in the coffee. An away team
consisting of Tom, Chakotay, and Ensign Expendable of security joined the
captain on the planet.
“Kathryn!” Chakotay yelled.
“Chakotay, join me. It’s wonderful!” She disappeared under the surface.
“C’mon Mark, jump in.” Tom said to Expendable.
“I can’t swim...” He was cut off as Tom shoved him in.
Janeway scrunched her face. “One down, 125 to go.”
Chakotay shrugged. “We aren’t even halfway through the crew yet.” With that, he
stripped off his shirt and dove in the coffee ocean, being careful not to land on the
dead ensign’s body. Seeing as the shore was made completely of coffee
grounds, Janeway tossed Tom a bucket that seemingly appeared out of no where.
“Start putting coffee ground into that bucket now. That’s an order lieutenant!”
“Yes ma’am.” It was definitely crunch time. Tom grinned and began scooping the
grounds into it.
While his two superiors were busy enjoying themselves in the coffee, Tom
returned to the ship. Heading once again to the mess hall, he noticed many
strange things happening on the ship. First of all, most of the halls and
workstations were completely empty. Tuvok was the only one the bridge, but Tom
thought that was only because his yodeling scared everyone away. As he entered
the mess hall though, he soon found out why the rest of the ship had been
abandoned. The entire room was filled with empty coffee mugs and coffee pots.
Coffee grounds littered the floor and the captain and first officer were back. In fact,
they were dancing on top of a table. Still in there bathing suits.
“Tom. You’re here.” B’Elanna hurried up to him and wrapped her arms around
his neck. “Join the party. We’re having so much fun.” She took a sip of coffee
and then stared straight into his bright blue eyes. “Did I ever tell you that you’re
eyes look like the warp core?” Before he could answer, she kissed him fully on
Tom woke up with the sight of both the captain and first officer dancing on top of a
mess hall table. A dream. That’s all it was.
:::Senior staff, report to the conference room at once. We found coffee!:::
Tom’s jaw dropped and he fell onto the bed.