"BEFORE THE AFTER"
By J. Hallmark (arabian@ite.net)

     "So what is it like knowing your future?"  Kes looked up from her salad and grimaced slightly.  
     "Well, I don't exactly know my future, B'Elanna.  It was a possible future, but because of things I "know" the Captain has made changes and things are already different. So I know my future just as well as you do." Kes smiled softly and then returned her attention back to her salad.
    They were silent for a few moments, the only sound coming from Neelix's puttering in the kitchen.  The rest of the mess hall was deserted.  It was Leola Root night.  
    B'Elanna Torres pushed her empty plate away and leaned forward slightly, her hand resting in her chin.  "Okay, then it won't hurt to tell what did happen.  Come on, there must be some interesting information that you could pass along.  I mean, you wound up nine years in the future. Do we get back home? What about Neelix?  Harry?" and then a slight pause, "Tom?"
    Kes looked up sharply, not needing her telepathic abilities to hear the inflection in her voice when the chief engineer mentioned the name of Lieutenant Tom Paris.  She quickly lowered her eyes, hoping that her own turbulent emotions regarding Tom were not evident.
    "Kes, you've got to be dying to tell someone.  Or did you already spill all to the Doc?"
    "No, no, I haven't told anyone.  I - I don't want to say or start anything that might jeopardize the future.  I think maybe your Prime Directive covers that."
    B'Elanna threw up her hand slightly, dispensing with that notion. "The Prime Directive has nothing to do with some gossip between friends.  Now tell."
    Kes looked up, noting the determined jut of the half-Klingon's jaw and took a deep breath. Perhaps she could give a few details. "All right, okay. Now, there is no saying that any of this will happen.  But well, Voyager doesn't return home in nine years. Neelix and I remain good friends and Harry," she paused and laughed softly, her eyes warming at the memory.  "Harry makes a wonderful son-in-law."
    B'Elanna burst out laughing.  "Harry is your son-in-law?  Oh, I would love to see that.  Does he change much, or is he still the same sweet Harry?"
    "He's still the same sweet Harry.  Actually, I spent so little time at each flashback, that I really only saw Harry a couple of times. I didn't even know who he was, until Linnis," at B'Elanna's blank look, Kes explained. "Linnis was my daughter." Her voice broke slightly, knowing that she would probably never have that daughter now.  She shook her head.  "Sorry.  I didn't know who Harry was until Linnis briefly mentioned it.  And then of course, there were the jokes between Harry and -- and Linnis' father."  Kes began to stand up, realizing that she was getting into dangerous territory.
    "What kind of jokes?  Who was Linnis' father?"  B'Elanna smiled and laid a hand on Kes' arm.  "Don't leave.  This is nice.  Just talking.  And besides I can tell you want to get some of this off your chest. So give."
    Kes took a deep breath and realized that B'Elanna was right, she did want to get this off her chest.  She did want to talk about this with someone and maybe, just maybe B'Elanna was the right person to discuss it with.  After all, their futures in her alternate reality were very much entwined.
    "Harry and Tom joked because it was odd being best friends and father and son-in-law."  Kes looked straight into B'Elanna's eyes almost defiantly, then wished she hadn't. B'Elanna looked shocked, her eyes wide, a look of surprise, disappointment, hurt all fiercely obvious. Her mouth fell open slightly and her body was tensed as if preparing for battle.  Kes stiffened herself, just on the verge of fleeing. She had heard what B'Elanna was like in battle.
    "Tom?" B'Elanna's voice was soft, barely a whisper.  "Tom Paris.  Tom Paris was your husband?  The father of your child?  Tom?"  She blinked rapidly, and Kes felt a surge of anger at herself.  If it wasn't B'Elanna Torres sitting before her, she would swear that she was on the verge of crying.  "B'Elanna -- " her voice faltered, and broke off.  It was done. 
    "Yes. Tom Paris." Kes looked away, unable to bear the pain in B'Elanna's eyes any longer.
    "Well, isn't that nice."  B'Elanna made a concerted effort to make her voice sound normal. She failed miserably, but she was trying.  "Well, good for him.  He got what he wanted.  I mean, I'm sure you know how he's always had feelings for you.  In that first year, Harry would come to me and complain about how Paris was just driving him crazy, moaning and bemoaning over how in love with you he was." The hurt in B'Elanna's voice was slowly, but steadily being edged out with anger. "Good for him, and good for you. Congratulations. I'm sure you'll be happy together."  She gave a bitter laugh.  "But then you already know the answer to that.  Are you happy together?" Kes looked up helplessly, not answering. "Are you?" B'Elanna asked again, her voice rising.  Still Kes did not answer.  "Kes, are you and Tom happy together?"  This time her voice was soft and almost venomous.
    "Yes."  She whispered.  Then she looked up suddenly.  "B'Elanna, it's not like what you think--"
    "Oh, really?"  B'Elanna caustically responded.
    "Tom --. Yes, Tom and I were happy, but we were only together because," she paused and took a deep breath. "We were only together because you were gone, B'Elanna."
    B'Elanna's eyes narrowed, "What do you mean, I was gone?"
    "In a couple of months we were to encounter an area of space controlled by a race called the Kremin.  I've already spoken to the Captain and we are avoiding it. But, there was a horrible explosion, Joe Carey, Captain Janeway and you were all killed immediately."
    B'Elanna inhaled sharply, her eyes widening in shock.  "I died?"
    "Yes!  And Tom was devastated.  The two of you were --. the two of you were involved and seemed very happy.  I, up until that point in my flashbacks, Tom and I had been married. He had mentioned the explosion.  That is when I first heard of you, he told me what happened.  How you died, how he had wanted to die when you died."
    B'Elanna closed her eyes tightly, the slightest sliver of liquid wetting her lashes. She opened them wide and cleared her throat.  "And?"
    "And, I flashed back a couple of more times and then I was in the holodeck, Neelix's resort program and I saw Tom. I went to him, and when he saw me, he smiled, but his whole attitude, his smile, his eyes, everything was different in how he looked at me, said my name."  B'Elanna's eyes narrowed again.  Whether she realized it or not, Kes's voice was very much giving away her own pain at the memory.
    "I wanted to tell him what was happening, to try and stop it, when you walked in.  You called his name.  His whole face lit up, he turned to you.  You embraced and stood there, smiling, happy, your arms around one another.  Very obviously two people in love. I realized right away who you were.  And then we went into red alert and there was the explosion and you and the Captain died.  I saw Tom later in the mess hall, and he was a wreck.  He seemed barely able to function."  Kes looked at B'Elanna, her voice in earnest.
    "B'Elanna, yes, Tom and I were married and happy, but we were only together because you were gone. He loved you.  He really loved you and I," she paused. "I don't think I was a substitute, but I wasn't his first choice."
       B'Elanna nodded her head, her eyes far away, lost in thought.  "Have you told him?"  Kes shook her head, no. "Do you want to?"  Kes didn't respond.  "Do you want to tell him? See if he knows, whether it will change things?  We're not together now, not ... yet.  You want to take your chance?"  B'Elanna's voice was hard, probing.
    "B'Elanna, I would be lying if I said I didn't think of it.  We had a beautiful child, a beautiful grandchild.  How could I not think about?"  Her voice rose slightly with each question, some of her pain, some of her bitterness at the unfairness of seeing what might have been, unleashed. "How could I not want that? How could I not pursue a man, I know, I know with absolute certainty would love me until the day I die?  Tell, me, could you be that unselfish?"
    B'Elanna looked at her steadily.  "No."
    Softly, Kes replied, "Then why should I?"
    B'Elanna leaned forward, knowing that any chance at a real friendship with Kes was utterly dissolving before them, but unable to stop herself from delivering the closing salvo. 
    "You will get that chance over my dead body."  She rose, the Klingon in her make-up, fully and gloriously dominant.  She stalked away without a backward glance.
    Kes looked around her, at nothing in particular, and spoke softly to herself. "Exactly."

                         ----------------------------------------------

Two Days Later ...

    Sandrine's was deserted.  Lieutenants Tom Paris and B'Elanna Torres sat at a table, soft jazz music playing in the air about them.  All of the holocharacters had been deleted after their drinks had been served.  
    "Tom?"  B'Elanna drawled softly, dragging his name out with almost a purr.
    "What?"  Conversely, Tom's voice was almost hesitant.
    B'Elanna sent a sideways glance his way.  "Why do you sound so afraid?"
    Tom raised his eyebrows, his hands moving to his chest in a "what me" gesture. "Do not."
    "Yes you do."
     Tom resting his elbows on the table and leaned closer towards her, his voice slightly confidential.  "Maybe, it's because I'll say something you won't like and you'll bite my -- something off."
    B'Elanna leaned back in her seat and waved her hand dismissively. "Not necessary."
    "Excuse me?"
    B'Elanna smiled, a soft, seductive smile that sent shivers down his back. She leaned towards him, another mood enhancer.  "I've already marked you," she all but whispered. 
    Tom cleared his throat.  His fingers moved to the collar of his throat.  "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"  
    "Just you."  She straightened, her voice returning to it's brisk normalcy.  "Now, do you remember when we first got sucked into the Delta Quadrant?"
    "Uh, yeah, I do tend to remember significant events in my life.  And I'd say that being sucked 70,000 light years from home is pretty sig-"
    "Don't be sarcastic," she rebuked mildly.
    "I wasn't. I was merely stating fact."  He smiled, in what he hoped was his most charming manner.
    "Well, since it was so significant, I'm sure you remember meeting Neelix and--"
    "Yeah," Tom mused, leaning back in his chair, his arms going behind his head, a reflective look on his face.  "I remember thinking what a funny-looking fella he was.  I mean, not that I haven't seen funny-looking aliens before, but Neelix kinda took the cake for me. He's a great guy and all. Love 'im to death, but I must confess, just between you and me, I still think he's kinda funny looking."
    B'Elanna sighed, "Moving right along --"
    "Now, Bajorans," he interrupted. "Bajorans are hot.  And I've seen some mighty fine Vulcans.  As for Klingons --"
    "Yes?"  A warning drawl replaced the amused contentment in her voice. She leaned forwards, all seductive airs gone.  Tom felt a different kind of shiver, but enjoyable none-the-less.
    "Klingons are cute."
    She blinked.  It was not quite the answer she was expecting.  "Cute?"
    "You know, in a fierce, savage kind of way."  He grinned broadly.
    She looked at him without expression for a moment, utterly bemused and then she grinned back.  Only Tom Paris could do that, totally confound her expectations in such a delightfully, exuberantly silly way.  Her smile softened, it was so easy to fall in love with him when he was like this.  So sweet and open and Kes had this experience and so much more.  Her smile died.
    "What about Ocampas?"  Her voice was serious.  Tom sensed it, but didn't want the jovial mood to end and he certainly didn't understand where this was going or why it was even starting.
    "Ocampas, well, I only have Kes to judge by," B'Elanna's mouth tightened perceptibly and Tom realized he just said the wrong thing.  Well, when all else fails, make a joke, keep the mood light. "But I'd say that Ocampas are cute in a sweet, elfin way. You know the ears. But they come off entirely different on Vulcans.  Not really cute, no."  He essayed a sideways glance at her, looking for a softening in her expression.  He didn't see it.
    "You liked her."  Her voice was about as hard as her expression now. It was not a question.
    Tom knew he had to tread lightly. He managed a glib answer, "Yeah, she's a sweet person," all the while his mind raced.  What the hell was going on?  Maybe this was serious, so it deserved some semblance of gravity.  "You mean like her?"
    "Yes.  That's what I asked." The word was clipped.
    "Well, you didn't ask that."  A little levity never hurt.
    And it didn't hurt here, at the slightly belligerent note in his voice, a slight smile tugged at the curve of her lips.  He really could be quite adorable.  "I did."
    Sensing his advantage, he grabbed hold.  "No," he drawled.  "You said 'you liked her.'  Not, 'You liked her."
    "Tom ..."
    "Yeah?"
    "Why?"  
    "Huh? What do you mean?"  Tom looked genuinely curious.
    B'Elanna shifted slightly, not quite sure how to phrase her question.  "Why did you like her?  I mean, how could you like her and," she paused, "like me.  We're complete opposites."
    Tom straightened up and exhaled slowly.  "Well," he looked down and then back up at her, all levity gone.  "This is serious, now. Right?"
    "Yes."
    He sat back and thought about how he was going to phrase his response. "I liked her, yes, but it was in a superficial way. I found her attractive and she was sweet and compassionate and she was the first female I thought of on this ship as more than a casual fling.  Plus, I figured with her kind of personality she would put up with all of my faults." At this, he gave a crooked grin. "And, to be honest, I really, really didn't take her and Neelix all that seriously."  He smiled, and looked a bit embarrassed for a moment.  "She was forbidden in a way and it was kind of exciting."
    B'Elanna gazed steadily at him, encouraging him silently.  Well, she hasn't condemned me yet, he thought.
    "Well, the more I got to know her, I realized that I liked her. I really, you know, just liked her. And then the Neelix and I went on that mission together and we bonded and I realized that he did love her and that she loved him and I really didn't stand a chance.  Once I allowed myself to come to that conclusion, I was able to stand. I realized that I did like her, but as a friend and eventually I've grown to see her like a sister almost.  I might still find her attractive --"
    "Do you?" B'Elanna broke in abruptly.
    "Yes.  But I no longer find myself attracted to her," he paused. "Do you know what I mean?"
    B'Elanna nodded her head in agreement, inside releasing a big sigh of relief.  A sister.  "Actually, I do.  I find Chakotay attractive, but --"
    It was Tom's turn to interrupt.  "You do?" He said, a slight edge lacing his words.
    "Yes," she smiled, that smile reflected in her voice. "But," her smile broadened.  "I'm not attracted to him." 
    "Good, good.  That's good to know.  And you understand about Kes?"
    "Yes.   I understand, but, okay," she leaned forward, her eyes intense, looking like she had been handed an engineering problem and was doing her damnedest to figure it out.  "So you weren't attracted to her, but you did care ..."
    "Yes."  Tom nodded, wondering why the subject wasn't now closed.  What was she getting at?
    "Okay, so you did care and there were those feelings once, so why didn't you make a play for her when she and Neelix broke up?  I mean, I know you say that things were different, but still, it was a golden opportunity.  Why didn't you go for that?  Did your feelings really change that much?"
    Tom began to speak and then shut his mouth, grimacing.  "Why are we discussing this?"
    B'Elanna brusquely shook her head, "Just answer the question."
    "Okay, um.  Let me think.  Okay, because, although I thought that she was cute in a sweet, elfin way," he paused to grin, but there was no answering one from her.  He cleared his throat.  "I had already found someone else who I thought of in many way, but never as a sister."  He looked pointedly at her.  "Someone who I not only found attractive, but someone to whom I was attracted."
    B'Elanna did smile this time, "And that someone would be 'cute' in a fierce, savage way?
    Tom shook his head, his eyes wide, parlaying innocence.  "No.  Actually, I was talking about you."  She glared at him.  "When I said Klingons were cute in their savage ferocity, I was talking about the full thing.  No, no, no, you're cute in a --"
    "Yes," the warning was delivered in a deep growl.
    "A fierce, sweet way."  He gave, what he knew, was his most winning smile.
    "Hmm.  That was bad, Tom, that was very bad."
    His smile broadened, "Ah well, can't win 'em all."  She smiled back.  They both settled back in their chairs, not speaking.  It was a soft, comfortable silence.  Tom sipped at his drink, feeling at peace, proud that he had navigated through that as well as he had.  Then B'Elanna spoke again, proving, that peace in their relationship, although hard-won, never lasted very long.
    "What if Kes decided that she did want to start something?"  She picked up her wine glass, idly playing with the stem.  Her casual mien fooled neither one of them.  Tom sighed, back in the battlefield.
    "You mean, if she came on to me?  Asked me out?"  He paused, thinking.  'Hmm, I'd think about it."
    B'Elanna's fingers tightened noticeably about the glass stem, the sudden rigidity causing the liquid to slosh about.  Her entire body stiffened.  Tom looked calmly at her.  "Should I lie?"  
She  relaxed suddenly and set the wine glass down without a spill.  She sighed softly, "No."
    He nodded, score, he guessed right.  "Okay, I'd think about it and then I would politely decline the invitation or overture or whatever.  I'd say no."  He cocked his head to the side and remarked as an afterthought.  "I hope that never happens though, I mean it would most likely ruin, or at the very least, damage, our friendship.  Why?  Did Kes -- did Kes say something to you?"  He asked incredulously, his eyes wide in disbelief.
    "No,"  B'Elanna was quick to answer.  Tom settled back in his chair.  B'Elanna opened her mouth as if to speak, stopped, thought about and then asked anyway.  "You'd really say no?"  Just the slightest bit of incredulity coated her words.
    Ah, a question he was confident with.  "Absolutely."
    "Why?"  Her eyes were narrowed and Tom really didn't know if this query reflected upon her distrust of him, or her lack of self-esteem.  
    "Because I've already been marked by someone else."  He spoke quietly, meaningfully, hoping that his answer satisfied both fears. 
    B'Elanna's face softened, the barest hint of a smile lighting her face.  "Oh."  Tom smiled in return.  He pushed his chair back and stood up.  B'Elanna's eyes followed his movements as he walked around to her side.  She looked up at him, her lips parted slightly.  He lowered his arm, his fingers brushing against her cheek, before settling his hand around the back of her throat.  He leaned down --
    "Well, hello Tom!  B'Elanna!"  Neelix's boisterous, happy voice broke through the silence, Tom pulled away, but his hand still rested on her shoulder.  B'Elanna looked down, looking distinctly disappointed.  
    "My, isn't it a lovely day!?"  Tom smiled tightly and then contorted his face, his eyebrows rising and pointed towards the door.    Neelix peered at him, confused.  "Tom, what's wrong with your face?"  When he didn't answer, Neelix shrugged and sat down in Tom's deserted chair.  
    "Where are all the characters?"  He looked up at Tom.  
    Tom mouthed the words, "Go away!"  Neelix squinted his eyes, trying to catch what Tom was saying, much to B'Elanna's amusement.       
    "Tom, I'm sorry.  I can't understand you.  You have to speak up."  Tom dropped his hand from B'Elanna's shoulder.  His own shoulders slumped and he sighed audibly.
    "Neelix?"  B'Elanna spoke up calmly.  
Neelix turned his attention to the chief engineer.  "Yes, B'Elanna."  He smiled, his whole manner simmering with the need to please.
    "I think that Tom is asking you," her voice hardened just a tad, "to go away."
    Tom smiled, "Yes, please."
    Neelix looked between the two, noticing what he hadn't before.  He looked discomfited for a moment.  "Ahem."  He stood up, once again glancing between the two, his expression a little flustered with a touch of irritation.
	"Oh, I was interrupting something."  Tom and B'Elanna both smiled tightly in agreement.  "Well,"  Neelix continued as he walked towards the door.   "Why didn't you say so?"  He looked back at the two of them as he reached the exit.  "You know, next time, you should initiate the privacy lock."  The door opened and as he stepped out, he added, his voice floating back to them, "that's what they're there for."
	Tom and B'Elanna looked at the closed door for a moment and then turned and faced one another.  He reached out a hand to her face again, B'Elanna pulled back a little.
	"Well..."
	"Well?"  Tom questioned.
	"Are you going to initiate the lock or am I?" 


THE END