New Story: Sword of HonourVeronica Jane Williamsxkhoi@iafrica.comSHORT SYNOPSIS: B'Elanna, while on a short vacation aftergraduating, receives some very distressing news. She is informedthat her mother is dying, and that her presence is required ather mother's deathbed. The story follows WITH HONOURS in sequence.DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Paramount, so does Voyager,Romulan Ale, Sandrine's. I borrowed them for the purpose of writingthis story, and they will be returned. The story, Diego Torres,Kor'ena Torres, young Elizabeth Paris and Owen Paris junior, belongto me.RATING: NC-17Music: Beethoven Symphony No.1 (1st and 4th Movement) Beethoven Symphony No.4 (2nd Movement).SWORD OF HONOURPROLOGUEThe room was dimly lit, and Spartan in appearance. Save for the bed,one or two cushion seats, a chest against the wall, the only objectsof any significance, the candles. Six ornate candles, on long bronzecandlesticks, placed along the rectangular shaped room. One burnedin each corner, a little away from the wall though. A bed stoodagainst the top end of the room, and at the bottom end of the bed,a candle burned on each side. The door to the entrance of the roomstood slightly ajar, so that the draught caused the tongues offlames to flutter and curl. It threw shadows across the walls. Likeeerie, dark malevolent phantoms they played, a *dance macabre* thatseemed to be in keeping with the atmosphere of mournful lament.Little tendrils of smoke drifted upwards, and appeared to consortwith the dancing shadows, accentuating the air of death that hadpervaded every corner of the room.The other object, a magnificent bat'leth, adorned the wall behindthe bed. On the sword, the blade section just below the centre hand-hold was engraved, the family crest. The light from the burningcandles reflected on its shiny blade, flickered, so that the swordappeared to be almost moving, in morbid battle sequence, joiningthe shadows in their Dance of Death.The sombre light threw into some relief the figure lying on thebed, giving the face a gold-like glowing tinge. A flat headrestsupported her head. Her mane was long, turned into a very lightbrown, with here and there even lighter streaks, and lay fannedover the pillow, with some strands reaching past her shoulder, andclung to her breast. A single sheet covered her body, and the onlymovement, the rise and fall of her breasts, as her breathing becamemore laboured, rasping. It was the only sound in the room.Occasionally a low growl escaped from deep in her throat. She threwher head back then, the line of her throat arching as if to allowthe air to pass through unhindered. Pain registered on her face,and the only manifestation of it was the way her lips pressedtogether in a thin line, opening suddenly to expel the air.Her eyes were open, although they stared at the ceiling in a vacantfashion. They were a surprising grey. The ridges on her foreheadwere striking and unmistakable of her family line. The centre ridgereached from her nose bridge to the hair line at the top, andflanked by three rows which tapered outwards. Each ridge waspronounced, almost coarse. Her high cheekbones were aflame, the fulllips slightly open. She has aged. There were lines at her eyes, anddeep grooves at the sides of her mouth. Even in her weakened state,she arched her back, tilting her head backwards to look at theweapon hanging on its brackets on the wall behind her.Her arms rested on the thin cover, at her sides, and her fingerstwitched from time to time. In her right hand she clutched an object,and her fingers griped convulsively, opening and closing around theamulet. The central stone of the amulet was rectangular in shape,dark green, with deep red ruby like inlaid gems, looking as if thestone was bleeding, from where the bloodstone got its name. TheChalcedony was surrounded by black metal nodes, and attached to achain of the same black metal, a shiny ore mined on the planet.There was a nervous way in which she held on to this pendant, asthough unwilling to let it go.On her left, seated on a low, square cushion, a man who looked to bein his fifties. His hair was straight and black as a raven's, fallingloosely over his forehead. His dark brown eyes never left the womanlying before him. Staring fixedly, watching for the slightest changein her. He held her hand, which she clasped tightly, and he wonderedhow, when this woman was dying, she could still exert such a fiercegrip. He was simply dressed, the shirt opening at the neck, exposingthe hair on his chest. His skin was fair, in stark contrast to thehand clutching his. He caressed her hand, stroked the back of it,and rubbed her fingers in a consoling and comforting gesture.She moved slightly, and he was instantly alerted. She turned her headto him, and tried to open her mouth. He could see the struggle asher throat muscles worked with the effort of expelling a sound, ora word. He looked tenderly at her, his eyes telling her not tobe distressed. But her eyes were burning with the desire tocommunicate with him. He placed his fingers on her mouth, in a gentlemotion. His eyes closed as he could feel her becoming tranquilagain.His vigil continued long into the night. From time to time she becamea little agitated, and again he would motion her softly, his fingerstrembling as he touched the ridges, her lips, stroked he cheeks.He could see the sorrow in her eyes. Somehow, he wished in thismoment that she could shed tears. So that she could, in this wayexpress her longing. So they stay, two people, one dying, the otherhoping a hopeless kind of hope. The woman lying, not moving; the mansilent, his head bent, the light throwing his silhouette against thewall. Two figures, the man's shoulders drooped while he held thewoman's hand, and, in a moving duplication, the elongated shadowson the wall.Once she moved again. He could see she wanted to speak. She triedto lift herself, but fell back. His hand snaked out to press hergently down. She lifted her hand, the hand clutching the bloodstone,with the chain dangling through her fingers, and placed it on hisarm. Her throat moved again, the lips beginning to form a word, softas a whisper, rasping in its urgency."Diego...""My love.""B'Elanna?""She will come, my love. Soon she will come."*************************CHAPTER ONEHow extraordinary, Tom Paris thought, that in matter of seconds,one's whole life could change forever. Or one's perspective. Hethought on those events in his own life that altered the course ofthe path he walked on. The long journey back, because of a fewseconds that he made, said or did things which he could not changeor retract. So many times over the past ten or eleven years, hewas made to face an event, to experience an incident over which hehad no control, that would have a dramatic impact on his lifeand future.Thinking back on some of them (Caldik Prime came to mind immediately)they served as reminders that he had been young and foolish, brashand rebellious, irreverent and unworthy. Although to any young personsuch a thing happening can cause one to experience the shame, guiltremorse and regrets for years. He was had more than his fair shareof those feelings of utter despair, believing for many years thatthose occurrences did not deserve to have one's pleas for pardonanswered. Yes, he thought, some things can change your life forever. The day his father looked at him after he completed that fatefulshuttle start-up simulation when he was five, that day his lifechanged forever. And not for the better. It was this event that wouldimpact on most of the other things as he changed from boy, toteenager, to adolescent, to man. Each on top of the other, so itwas never clear anymore, not really, on what incident in his lifehe could lay the blame for all his woes. He was clear on one thing:on *whom* he could lay the blame for his woes. His life was a mess.He admitted readily to that. By the time he went to prison inNew Zealand, he was no-hope Tom, a useless, traitorous bum with nohope of redemption in sight. Not that he thought that he would beredeemed anyway. He wondered idly if Captain Janeway hadn'tapproached him, where he would have been today. Probably soakinghimself in Romulan Ale in Sandrine's. It didn't bear thinking.Compared to the fullness and richness his life was today. Heshuddered.Because the second he looked into Kathryn Janeway's eyes, and saidyes to her, his life changed. Irrevocably. Completely. Radically.It was an opportunity he grabbed with both hands, not merely toget away from that beautiful jail, but to try and regain his lostself-esteem. To redeem himself. To make good on is pledge to help.It was a difficult road, but one that forged his tarnishedcharacter, to a respected man and officer. From a brash, rebelliousand cocky young fool, to a man who knew his life was empty, untilhe accepted that his destiny lay in the hands of one person. Aperson of complex emotions, of great extremes, yet so beautifullyone with herself, her fiery nature, her dark brown hair andfiery eyes. A person who held his heart captive.The moment B'Elanna said to him "I love you", he knew without ashred of doubt that his future, his very inner peace, rested withher. She would become his *raison d'être*. His greatest strength.His reason for being alive. His saving grace. Now, he felt, withher, his life was complete. Or as near complete as it could everbe.Yes, he admitted. As much as there were incidents in his lifewhich determined the direction he was going, so there were in hers.From the time they were held in a Vidian prison, to purging herblood fever to hearing of the fate of her Maquis friends, to theway she walked into his quarters and asked him to tell her aboutJenny Delaney.He couldn't think of a more cataclysmic thing happening to her, as whenshe received the news that her mother was dying.*********************That was twenty four hours ago. Now they were on their way to theKlingon Homeworld. It was fortuitous that Voyager left Space Docka few hours ago. Their borrowed shuttle was docked in one ofVoyager's shuttle bays. They would leave by shuttle to the FirstCity.Back in his quarters, Elizabeth was sleeping in her old bed, with Owenin a crib they brought in from the nursery. There was no questionthat the children accompany them to Kronos. His parents wereconcerned, more for B'Elanna, he thought. They could see, when thechildren were collected, that B'Elanna was preoccupied, that thenormally independently spirited young woman left Tom to make allthe arrangements, without so much as an argument from her. B'Elannadidn't demur. She hasn't done much of anything since he fishedher out of the brook, five kilometres away from Palings.He looked at her, sleeping now, a disquieting sleep. Even enfoldedsnugly in his arms she was restless. He kissed the top of her head,sighed and settled back for some much needed sleep which he found,on occasions such as these, always so elusive. He thought of lastnight, and B'Elanna's stunned reaction to the news Worf relayed.She looked at Worf, in devastatingly honest shock, nodded heracceptance of his news, and rose from the chair, slowly, lookingat the screen at Worf's inscrutable face a last time, before shemoved away. He realised there was more information Worf wanted torelay to her, so he took the seat B'Elanna just vacated, and spokewith Worf. Only when he signed off, did he realise B'Elanna was notin the house.Opening the front door to step onto the porch, he stood a second.Then he heard the sound, coming from a way off. Tom thought of allthe strange, wonderful and macabre things they encountered whilethey were lost in the Delta Quadrant, things he knew most of theof Voyager would never forget. The strange and macabre things theyexperienced that would be engraved on their memories for a lifetime.He had himself been witness to such events. The kaleidoscope ofcolour and images that burst upon his eyes as he traveled throughwarp 10. Nursing a lizard-like alien baby back to health, see hiswife's Klingon DNA extracted, so that she looked human. Theexhilaration of landing Voyager on a planet surface. Twice.Yet he knew, he knew as he stood on the porch last night, that thelong, keening howl like a crazed, wounded animal that had it's cubkilled, reverberating through the woods of Palings, a sound thatripped his heart into a thousand pieces, to his dying day wouldremain etched on his memory. It seemed the woods replied to thehaunting lament - he could hear the dogs starting to howl in answer.For a few seconds the clouds moved away to reveal Earth's moon,large and yellow, a disc that seemed to move in accordance withthe sound. He knew where she was standing, because for a few secondsthere was a flutter of wings as the nesting birds suddenly scurriedoff in flight.He remained standing on the porch, all the time B'Elanna howled.A profusion of emotions he could hear all the time she kept up thehowling. He closed his eyes as he felt the tears burning behind hiseyelids. Even as her husband, he could not intrude on this privatetime of grieving. And the manner of it. It was as instinctive ofher as baring her teeth to mark him, as part of her as her ridgeson her forehead. At length the howling stopped. He went insideagain, looked in the bedroom and realised she had only her thinnightie on. When he went onto the porch again, he was joined by theLabradors, Bligh and Nemo, now frisky eight month old young dogs.Then he started walking, to the river, the dogs following, and tracedhis steps all along the brook, knew the moment he reached the borderof their property, that he walked five kilometres. He continued ashort distance, until he saw, in the light of the stalking moon,a figure lying in the water, just ahead of him. He rushed to her,and turned her over in the shallow water, could see that she wasstill breathing, and exhausted. He lifted her out of the water,made her stand on the small embankment, and wrapped the blanketaround her. Her teeth were chattering with cold, and she was rackedby deep shivers. When he looked at her, saw the emptiness in hereyes. They walked the long journey back to Palings, slowly, his armsprotectively around her. He whispered to her, soothing sounds asthey walked, and when she stumbled, lifted her into his arms andcarried her the rest of the way home.She was still shivering as they entered the house, going straight tothe bathroom where he ran hot water into the tub. Removing hernightie, he urged her gently to step into the tub. She looked at himfor the first time, and Tom thought if he could die in that moment,he would. He saw the pain; moreover, the regret. He made her lie inthe water, letting the warmth suffuse her body. Her eyes were closedas she rested her head against the edge of the tub. He scooped waterinto his hands and let it run on her face. He was kneeling on thefloor next to her, gently wiped her face with a warm wash cloth. Hesplashed water on her neck and shoulders from time to time. Then shetook hold of his hand, and pressed the palm of it against her cheek.She spoke for the first time, her voice hoarse and impassioned."M-my m-mother...she's d-dying, Tom.""I know sweetheart," he whispered, "I know...""I - I wanted t-to...t-tell her...ask...""Shhh...don't worry. You can still tell her, Angel...""N-no - you - you d-don't understand, Tom. T-The amulet - thebloodstone...""Bloodstone?""Y-Yes. It's - it's what every Klingon mother gives her daughterwhen - when...she - ""What, Angel?" he coaxed her gently."When she - she's ready t-to take mate - mine was the Chalcedonystone. It -it was in her family for generations."Tom thought absently that she had gone back to her old stammer.She was struggling to express her thoughts, and he could see how itpained her."You don't have to talk now, sweetheart," he assured her, stillrubbing her hands, keeping it in the warm water."No - , I - must s-say it...""Say what, sweetheart? About the stone?""Yes...""What about the stone, B'Elanna? Do you still have it?" he asked,just sensing what her answer would be."N-No...Tom." He watched her frown, could see the pain, andsomething else - remorse? flit across her features."I - I threw it back at her the last time I saw her, Tom."By that time he had, when he was certain that she was warm enough,lifted her out of the water, wrapped a towel around her and carriedher to their bedroom. He rubbed her skin till it tingled.With the towel still around her, he pulled her into his embrace ashe lay down on the bed, holding her close to him. She spoke again."T -The bloodstone...I threw it in her face, Tom," she said, lookingat him. "It was an act of dishonour -" She was becoming agitated.He stroked her hair, pushed it back so he could see her eyes. Shelooked deeply distressed."Shhh...it's alright, B'Elanna. Don't fret so, my dear -""Dishonour..." she whispered again."Sweetheart, you are the most honourable person I know.""I - I have no honour...""B'Elanna, please...don't punish yourself so.""No honour..." she kept on, whispering it as a litany.It was only then, Tom realised, only then that he noticed B'Elannahad not shed a single tear since the second Worf broke the news toher. It was as if the Klingon part of her kicked into full andterrifying force, crushing into non-existence her human abilityto cry.*******************He hadn't realised he had fallen asleep until he was woken by Owenjunior's crying. B'Elanna was still sleeping, and he let her - shewas exhausted. Sighing, he got up, took Owen from his crib, changedhis diaper, and prepared his feed. Tom smiled. The little squirtate like a caterpillar. He was also as strong as an ox. Much strongerthan Elizabeth was at that age. He thought there was more Klingonin Owen, and that some time soon, he will want to lift the sword ofhonour. He was looking forward to that day. Pressing the babyagainst his chest, kissing his warm forehead, the baby firstsnuggled himself into Tom's neck. Then he looked sleepily at hisDaddy. Yes, Tom thought, one day Owen will lift the sword.The now, however, beckoned. And the now, was staring at him withquizzical blue eyes."Okay, guy, I know." Tom sighed with exaggeration. I'm not yourMama. You want your Mama." They all want their Mama, he thought,when they wanted special cuddles and hugs. So he took Owen backto their bed with him, and placed him next to his mother, wherehe clung to her, worming his way into her arms. B'Elanna shiftedinstinctively so that she could spoon the bay to her body, allwhile she was still asleep. Even so, she still murmured to Owen:"Qong DaH wlj IoQ puqn"It wasn't long before Owen's eyes drooped again, and he fell asleep.He hadn't heard her sing that since Elizabeth was a tiny baby.Particularly since Elizabeth started reading, B'Elanna read to herEarth's fairytales, and when he gave her a quizzical stare, gavehim a belligerent look saying:"I mean to catch up, and don't you dare laugh, pig!"He lay back, counting the hours till morning. His hand rested againstB'Elanna's hair, and from time to time he would stroke it softly,enjoying the silky feel of it. Twirling a strand around his fingers.When she jerked slightly in her sleep, he knew he pulled her hair.Then he kissed that spot where it hurt.He thought of the woman he married. A woman who, in the shakybeginnings of their relationship was almost ashamed of being halfKlingon. How she developed from there to accept the duality of hernature, and accept that her uniqueness lay in the complexitiesof her character. That within her she had the best of being Klingon,and the best of being human. And sometimes the worst. Like when shewould put her Klingon nature down, thinking that others would be putoff by her abruptness, brashness, her propensity for doing battlewith anyone. Or blaming any weakness on her human side. Like sheddingtears, like losing a baby, like not believing that she could have herlove returned. All the years he had been there, right beside her,encouraging her, being her pillar. He wanted to be there, always.Loving her enough and believing her enough.When she repeatedly said the previous night that she had no honour,he knew how wrong she was. Even if she didn't believe it herself, itwas her one outstanding quality: her incredible sense of honour.He knew then that there was much more about B'Elanna's relationshipwith her mother that she sought not to discuss, or think about.Things she had buried so deeply within herself, and which surfacednow. So much more about what he could only guess had gone wrongthere, that spurred her reaction of last night. He knew that sheexperienced a very great regret. A regret that with hindsight, beingso proud of her Klingonness, was intensified by the knowledge thatnow, with her mother dying, it might be too late to make amends.To ask for forgiveness, or greater still, not being able to rekindlethat mother-daughter relationship he saw her develop with Elizabeth.She had been too shocked last night to listen to Worf as he wanted tocomplete his message, the necessary arrangements that had to be made.And the rest of what he thought could be for B'Elanna even moredisturbing. Her other's condition, for one. He was glad he knew whatmore to expect when they arrived. He would delay telling her, seekingto introduce it gently to her the moment they arrived on Kronos. Healready pondered on the prudence of telling her, thinking she neededto absorb the fact that her mother was dying, that her focus be onthinking about her relationship with Kor'ena Torres. Right now,in her present state of mind he wondered seriously if she would beable to take any more news of a shocking nature.He realised that he had fallen asleep when he heard Elizabeth'svoice, quite close to him:"Daddy?""Hmmm...?" he muttered sleepily."Can I also sleep here by you and Mama?""Okay," he murmured as he lifted her over him to squeeze Elizabethbetween him and B'Elanna, "but only this once, huh.""Oh sure, Daddy," she said on a sigh as she hugged her mother andclosed her eyes again.**********************CHAPTER TWOTom glided the shuttle gently down on the surface of the launchingpads just outside the First City. This time B'Elanna co-piloted, andElizabeth and Owen were secured in special seats behind them. Thismorning early, they were visited in their quarters by Chakotay, nowCaptain of Voyager. He was glad, since he knew Chakotay to be the oneother person who would instill in B'Elanna a sense of calm, andespecially self-worth. He wanted anyway to see Owen Junior, whosegodfather he was. Two angry warriors, he thought."Tom," Chakotay said to him when B'Elanna was out of earshot tendingto Owen and Elizabeth, "I haven't seen her like this for years. Itseems to me she's internalising her feelings right now. She'sinsulating herself again. I hope that will change when you return toVoyager. I know it's a very difficult time for her, but grief, youknow, is halved when it's shared.""Thanks, Chakotay. This news has really shattered her. Herrelationship with her mother was more strained than she let on, youknow. Not merely the normal adolescent rebelliousness, but it'smuch deeper than that. Something on which I can only speculate.""B'Elanna."She seemed to wake from her reverie as he touched down. She looked athim, the old "I'm sorry, Tom" look in her eyes. He cringed. He hatedthat she be sorry about something that was beyond her control. Thenagain, B'Elanna hated not being in control of herself in times ofcrisis, as if it's a weakness."Ready?"They carried the children down the ramp and waited a few secondsoutside the shuttle. They were greeted by Worf, who took them to asmall compound. They stopped outside a dark and sombre lookingabode. He entered, and seconds later appeared with an old Klingonwoman."Commander and Mrs Paris, this is Kahlest, my former nursemaid.She'll be looking after you and the children the next few days."Kahlest looked speculatively at Tom and B'Elanna, then said inthat characteristically short bark of hers:"You need to eat more." Worf tried not to smile."Please do not take offence. She once called K'mpec fat.""Come in, come in, my children."She looked at a tired Elizabeth and Owen and started clucking likea hen over them. They were led to a room prepared for them. Kahlestentered the room with them."We'll take you to the house of your mother in a short while,B'Elanna Paris. As you requested, the children will go with you,and I'll bring them back here to look after them."She looked at Elizabeth and Owen, saw the Klingon ridges, in subduedform on their foreheads and smiled kindly."I'll leave you now. Let us know when you're ready. **********************"B'Elanna.""Yes...?"Tom was carrying Owen junior, while B'Elanna was holding Elizabeth'shand, as they followed Worf and Kahlest to the house of Kor'ena Torres. "There's something you need to know before you meet your mother."She beckoned Kahlest to take Elizabeth, then looked at Tom, andexpectant look in her eyes."Tom, if there are any more surprises, I don't think I can handleit right now," she said softly. She realised the strain she had put on Tom in the past thirty six hours, and didn't want to be anytrouble now."You don't understand - ""Please...no more, Tom, until we get there, okay?"Tom could hear the tension in B'Elanna's voice, and wondered if heshouldn't have told her earlier. She had that closed look that rightnow made her so uncommunicative. He sighed. When B'Elanna was likethis, it was usually for him so difficult to get through to her.He had a great empathy for what B'Elanna was going through. He hadwalked that road, too. A long and difficult one on which so manyobstacles stood in the way of reaching the end of it. Obstacleslike intense guilt, intense remorse, and greater still, that terribleregret that one could never recapture what was lost forever. Thatone's own anger, youthful rebellion, a misguided sense of pride,led to a person experiencing those emotions. And he sensed, sincethe night she howled her despair, that she was experiencing that.Knowing how difficult it was for him over the years, he hopedfervently that the next few critical hours would go some way toobviate those regrets he knew his wife harboured. She didn't have totell him anything. He could see it in every stance of her behaviour.The little she told him over the years of her parents, was not nearlyenough for him to picture an objective image of them. He had herview of them. And her view could be slanted.They approached a house at the end of a narrow lane, then Kahleststopped. Elizabeth was still holding her hand, and lookedquestioningly up at the old woman."Is this where my *SoSnl'n* lives?" Elizabeth asked, proud thatshe could say *grandmother* in Klingon. The old woman showed littlesurprise at this and merely nodded her head. Then, without knocking,they entered. Worf went inside first, and came back a minute later,followed by a man in his fifties, with black hair, very dark eyes,a tired expression in his face."I tried to warn you, B'Elanna," Tom whispered in her ear as shelooked compellingly at the man. He saw a look of uncertainty flitacross her features, then curiosity, and finally, recognition."Daddy?" she whispered, disbelief clear in her voice.*********************"B'Elanna," Diego Torres said, seeing his daughter for the firsttime in twenty five years. "I - I understand if - if you never speakto me." His voice held deep, mellow tones, tinged with a gladnessTom could hear, yet held a certain sorrow. "But," he continued,"your mother, she needs you right now." All the time Diego Torresspoke, he looked at B'Elanna, like a thirsty man, after a long, longdrought, who reached an oasis and drank as if he could never stop.He had his heart on his sleeve, in his eyes, in the way his lips keptforming her name. Then slowly the look changed again. Tom lookedat B'Elanna, and saw why Diego Torres looked like he could die again.For B'Elanna did not mask what she felt. She looked at him with suchhatred, Tom thought. Then she spoke."You - you have no idea, no idea at all how I suffered.""B'Elanna, please. Not for myself, but it is your mother who needsyou now."Tom saw the dejected droop of his shoulders. Until Tom let Kahlest takeOwen from him, Diego Torres never noticed the children. Then he lookedat Tom."You have two grandchildren," Tom said simply. Then he held out hishand to the older man: "I'm Tom Paris, B'Elanna's husband."Diego took Tom's hand, and said, a sad smile crossing his features:"I know."That simple statement was enough for Tom to realise and understandthat Diego Torres had never lost interest in his daughter, and had,until they were probably lost in the Delta Quadrant, always kepttrack of his daughter's whereabouts and activities.Tom took hold of B'Elanna's hand, and urged her gently toward the roomwhere her mother lay. Worf had entered it a few minutes earlier.He turned to Diego and said:"Elizabeth is in the habit of introducing herself. She may notknow you, but you are no stranger to her. We'll leave you to her.""Thank you," Diego said softly.It appeared to Tom that the man was patently glad to be allowed tospeak to his grandchildren. He probably thought B'Elanna might tryto prevent it. But Tom knew his B'Elanna. Her father's fight was withher, not her children. She would, even if she hated him still, notden him that.The door to the room was ajar. Tom pressed B'Elanna forward, hishands on her shoulder. The very first thing he noticed as he enteredwas, strangely enough, not the sick woman on the bed, but the mostbeautifully carved bat'leth he had ever seen, resting on its bracketsagainst the wall. Then he saw the woman. B'Elanna walked hesitantlyforward. Worf was standing next to the bed, facing them, then noddedbefore he exited the room. B'Elanna looked at Tom, and he could seethe anxiety in her eyes, also the fear. He said nothing, merelyguided her to the cushioned stool at her mother's left side."Come on, B'Elanna," he whispered to her. "You can do it."When he straightened up to leave, she seemed almost to panic."Don't worry Angel. I'll be in the front room with your father.*********************Tom joined the others in the front room, where he saw Owen junioralready ensconced on his grandfather's lap, and Elizabeth standingnext to him, her hand on his knee."I can see where Owen got his looks from," Tom said to Diego, whocould not mask his pride at Tom's words."Daddy, can I go see Grandma now?" Elizabeth asked."I think Grandma is too ill right now sweetheart.""Is Grandma going to die, Daddy?"Tom looked at Diego, whose eyes were so immeasurably sad when henodded to Tom.Tom took Elizabeth on his lap, and looked in her eyes. "Yes,sweetheart," he said softly to her."I guess Grandpa will be very sad, huh," she said to Tom. Then shedid what she always did when she was much smaller. She leanedover to her grandfather, rubbed his cheek with her little handand said: "sore?"He held her small hand against his cheek, and closed his eyes.The only words he said were:"I'm deeply sorry." Tom knew that not to mean his wife, but theway he left his own little girl, not much older than Elizabeth,so many years ago."Diego - if I may - " Tom started, not certain how to addressB'Elanna's father, and when the older man nodded, he continued:"I can see how it must have hurt you to have left the way youdid so many years ago."Diego Torres looked at Owen on his lap, kissed his little flushedcheeks before nodding in affirmation. And Tom, with hindsightand intuitively, said:"You both made sacrifices." He nodded again."You were too proud," Tom prodded again, and again Diego noddedhis head.Tom looked at him, saw the pain. Then he addressed Kahlest."The children can go back with you to your place, Kahlest. Theyare well-adjusted, and won't mind. Would you, Elizabeth?" he askedhis daughter, who as always nodded her head furiously. She wasclearly intrigued to see a full Klingon woman, who took Owen fromhis grandfather, held out her hand to Elizabeth and said:"Come."When she left with the children, Worf also made his excuse, to joinher on her way home. It left Tom alone with Diego. He said,continuing where he left off:"In the process a five year old little girl was incalculably hurt."***********************CHAPTER THREEThe moment B'Elanna took her mother's hand in hers, she felt thefingers curl convulsively around hers, gripping it so tightly thatfor a fleeting moment she was tempted to believe this very sickwoman was only sleeping. B'Elanna's eyes softened in tenderness.It's as if she knows it's me, and not someone else, she realised.With her other hand she brushed some of the stray strands of hairaway from her face. Her eyes that had been closed when B'Elannaentered, now opened. B'Elanna held her breath for a few secondsas Kor'ena Torres looked at her, and her heart contracted as shesaw the look in her eyes soften as she gazed upon the face of herlong lost daughter. Her throat moved as she tried to speak."wjl IoQ be'Hom?"B'Elanna smiled now for the first time."I've grown up now, Mother. I'm a big girl now.""B'Elanna?" Kor'ena struggled, as her breathing rasped."Yes, Mother?""I...failed...you..."B'Elanna closed her eyes momentarily at the finality in Kor'ena'svoice. She leaned closer, kissed her mother's forehead, strokingher cheek gently as she straightened up again. When she looked intoKor'ena Torres' eyes again, her voice was filled with so muchresolve, and all her reactions of the past two days, culminatedin her words as she said:"No, Mother. You didn't fail me. It is I who failed you." And righton the heels of those words, in a blinding flash of insight:"I failed you, Mother. I failed you, because I denied who I am.I denied my heritage." She touched her mother's cheek as she sawthat old familiar sheen in her eyes which B'Elanna always mistookfor pride, but knew it now to be her way of crying.The older woman closed her eyes at these words spoken by her daughterand which appeared to bring her comfort. B'Elanna could see how herbreathing became even, as if she was soothed by what she heard.B'Elanna sat back, stroking the hand that rested in hers, gently. Whenshe closed her eyes, it felt for her as if she were transported tothe past.***********************Five year old B'Elanna Torres lay on her small bed. Her face wastear stained. It was now seven whole days since her Daddy left."When is Daddy coming home, Mommy?" she asked tearfully. Her motherwas sitting next to her on the bed, stroking her long hair awayfrom her face. She could see her Mommy also looked sad."I do not know, my child. I do not know," Kor'ena Torres sighed."Come, you must not cry anymore.""But I want my Daddy," she started sobbing again."Shhh...don't worry. child. Maybe he will come back to us."Small as she was then, B'Elanna thought, she imagined she hearda note of hope in her mother's voice. Did she know then he'llnever return home?Her mother had taken her in her lap, held her very close to her,and sang for her:"IoQ puqn IoQ puqnQong DaH wjl IoQ puqnnIHv Iij SoS tlqoy maH luq notmej"B'Elanna looked into her mommy's face as Kor'ena sang to her. Shelooked at the Klingon ridges, then reached out with her small handand touched them. It felt very thick and hard. She touched her own,the same as her mommy's. She wondered why her daddy didn't have theseugly marks on his forehead. Maybe he didn't like it, she thought.Over the next few months, Kor'ena Torres sang this lullaby for herdistraught child, and little B'Elanna knew by that time that herdaddy was never going to return to them.*********************She knew, or made herself believe that she not only looked differentbut that her Daddy left her because of it. She still cried herselfto sleep every night. She missed her Daddy, she missed all thestories he used to tell her. She missed when he used to lift herhigh on his shoulders, or when he let her ride piggyback. She missedhis laughter, she missed his smile. But she was not stupid. She couldsee how they fought when they thought she wasn't there, or hear theharsh words spoken between them. It scared her when her mother wouldget angry, then she would break everything in the house."Mommy, doesn't Daddy love us anymore?"When she looked into her mother's grey eyes, she saw a strangeexpression, but she didn't know what it meant. Then her Mommy toldher:"Sweet B'Elanna, even if your Daddy doesn't love me, or even ifhe does not come back, I want you to know that your Daddy lovesyou very, very much.""Then why doesn't he come back for me?" she screamed in her littlegirl anger."B'Elanna, child, he loves you - ""No -! he doesn't anymore. I hate him! I hate you!" She ran out ofthe house, ran a long, long way, right to the underground cavernswhere the lava pits were.She was there a long time. She was sitting perilously close to theflowing molten lava. It was so hot, she thought it could burn herskin off. There she sat, her knees drawn up and her head resting onher knees. Then she cried. Because the children were making fun ofher. They said she looked strange, not like her daddy. She didn'tlike it. She fought with them when they called her names. She nevertold her Mommy that.She didn't struggle when she felt herself being lifted in a pair ofstrong arms. She knew it was her Mommy. Her mother said nothing,and carried her all the way home, and sat in the rocking chairher daddy had made for her Mommy. She rocked B'Elanna, holdingher closely in her arms till the crying stopped."Mommy, did Daddy leave because I don't look like him?""No -!" her mother almost screamed that. "No..." she said softly,"never that, wij IoQ puqn""But I want to look like him, Mommy. Then he will come back,won't he? I'm his little Bee, he says."Her mother almost shook her. She looked so angry when little B'Elannalooked at Kor'ena. Her ridges were standing out dark and angry.B'Elanna touched her mother's ridges, then brought her hand to herown forehead and touched her ridges. Then she burst into tears again."I hate this, Mommy. I hate this. I don't like it."Then Kor'ena really shook B'Elanna. She made her daughter look herin the face, then she said:"B'Elanna, you'll always have the Klingon ridges. They are awonderful part of you, just as they are a part of me."That was when she thought she saw the pain in her mother's eyes.Her eyes looked so shiny. She couldn't understand why her mothernever cried. She thought her mother was unfeeling. A full Klingonwho used to be a warrior."Warriors don't cry," she always said.Kor'ena never, until B'Elanna was in senior school, told B'Elannathere were other reasons Klingons couldn't cry. Until one day sheunderstood. About the absence of tear ducts in Klingons.That was when she grudgingly, began to show a little understandingfor her mother's proud Klingon behaviour. To understand that theremust have been any number of times that Kor'ena Torres wanted toshed tears but could not.By that time she had become so ashamed of her features, thinking itwas to blame for her parents' break-up. Thinking that she didn't lookhuman enough. She gave up trying to be accepted, gave up trying tobe integrated into groups, especially at school. Trying to be human.She tried everything possible to hide her forehead.But by the time she had given up trying, she was rebellious,alienated her mother at every opportunity. She never had anyfriends, because she simply thought she didn't need them. Theysteered clear of her anyway. Her ferocious scowling, when shethought she was friendly, scaring them off.After months of crying, and years of longing for her father, sheeven began to hate him. Because her relationship with her motherdeteriorated. With hindsight, and the great pain coming with it,she realised how hard it must have been for Kor'ena Torres. Harderthan it was for B'Elanna. How Kor'ena, with every attack B'Elannalaunched at her, withdrew even further into her proud Klingonself, armoured herself with her honour and her pride. At best,in those years of angry rebellion, her relationship with Kor'enaTorres was strained. She began to understand her less and less,and in typical youthful self-conceit, and brashness thoughtKor'ena Torres did not understand her."Mother, she said to Kor'ena one day, after sailing through thepreliminaries of being only one of two candidates on Kessik IVto enter Starfleet Academy, "I'm going to the Academy. Starfleetis prepared to accept me if I can find a sponsor.""B'Elanna, there are any number of institutes you can enter. Idon't want you to go.""Only because you think I might bump into my father, is that it?""No - !""I'm going, Mother. You can't stop me."Kor'ena Torres closed her eyes momentarily, then said:"Fine, child. You do what you want to do. Follow your heart, if youthink that's what you are doing."She heard her mother sigh, then she added:"I know you don't want to be Klingon, you deny not only yourheritage, but what I know is the essence of your character.""That's not true!""At some point," Kor'ena continued relentlessly, saying what B'Elannadid not want to face up to, "you are going to have to accept whoyou are, B'Elanna. You are denying yourself. There is no honourin that. No honour."Grey stared into dark brown eyes, blazing, with B'Elanna readyto continue to fight, when she saw her mother's eyes cast down, andshe backed off. Then Kor'ena said finally:"When you enter the Academy, there is nothing left for me here,on Kessik IV B'Elanna."And in a most heartrending turn of a knife in her mother'sheart, B'Elanna said:"Since I was five, had there been anything here, for me?""Maybe one day, B'Elanna Torres, when you are not so angry, youask yourself that question again. Perhaps then you'll find theanswers."On the day B'Elanna left for the Academy, Kor'ena Torres knockedon the door of her bedroom. When she entered, B'Elanna noticedshe had something in her hand. She came to sit on the bed, touchingher daughter's cheek."B'Elanna, I want you to have this," she said, a little hesitantly.In her hand she held the hauntingly beautiful Chalcedony stone,the bloodstone that had been in Kor'ena's family for generations.She half knew the significance of it, and shrank back a little."I don't want it," she said. I don't need it.""Please," Kor'ena pleaded with her. "My mother gave it to me=20when I was ready to take a mate, and her mother gave it to her. It'sthe Klingon way."Just saying it that way got B'Elanna immediately angry."You say 'take a mate' as if I'm some animal. Take a mate!" she spatwith a sense of outrage.=20Her mother held out the amulet to her and said:"Take it please, B'Elanna. Even as the only remembrance you want tohave of me. To remember me by, then." = = = = = = =20B'Elanna took the amulet, looked at it for a second, then didsomething that even to this day she tried to bury in her memory,and which surfaced in all its ugly glory the other night.She threw the amulet, fabulous bloodstone on a black chain, rightat her mother. It slammed against her mother's face, before fallingto the floor. She saw Kor'ena's eyes close, the way she tried tohide the pain."No! You keep it! I don't want it. Look where it got you: withouta husband!"Kor'ena Torres, whose hair had already taken in the lighter shade,whose eyes burned with shame, and whose hands trembled slightlyas she picked up the bloodstone where it eventually landed on thefloor, rose slowly, stood straight in full Klingon splendour,mustered some pride and said:"That's that, then. Goodbye, IoQ puqn"That was the last time B'Elanna saw her mother. She heard later thatKor'ena Torres returned to the Klingon Homeworld.*********************CHAPTER FOURB'Elanna was woken from her thoughts when Kor'ena stirred again.She was immediately alerted to the movement, the fingers curlingtighter round her own. Her breathing was still a little more even,although it still rasped."Please, you must lie still, Mother," B'Elanna whispered softly.Her hair shone darkly in the candlelight. But her mother wasrestless; she kept trying to raise herself, almost to a sittingposition. B'Elanna pressed her back gently."No..." she protested."It's alright, Mother. I'm here.""B'Elanna...be'Hom...""Shhh..."B'Elanna watched, a flash of pain crossing her features, seeingthis once proud, invincible Klingon woman try to move. She lookedso weak, B'Elanna reflected. Kor'ena arched her back again, tryingto look at the wall behind her. B'Elanna followed her eyes, saw hermother try to look at the sword against the wall. Then she saggedback again. She had seen that sword so many times, resting on itsbrackets in their home on Kessik IV. Her mother's pride and joy.The sword, without which, Kor'ena Torres always declared:"If someone took my sword from me, I'd feel naked, my honour lost."She had almost forgotten the bat'leth. And the number of times hermother hauled a recalcitrant B'Elanna in her weekly visits to theholosuites on Kessik IV. Kor'ena would hold the bat'leth to astubborn ten year old and say:"Take it, B'Elanna.""I don't like it. It's too heavy for me," she would try and talkher mother out of it, although curiously drawn to it."Don't you want to be a warrior one day, be'Hom?"That got to her. Secretly, her mother's exploits in the holosuitesfascinated her. In the beginning she had been an unwilling observer,merely feigning interest in her mother's battles with holographicKlingon warriors. But young B'Elanna felt intrigued by the symmetryof the beautiful weapon, and the way her mother fought her Klingonfoes. Then Kor'ena would be dressed in the way of the Klingonwarrior. Magnificent in battle costume. Kor'ena moved so fast as shedeftly swung her weapon, B'Elanna would see only the flashes of theblade as the light of the torches against the walls of the caveplayed on it. They were always in a dark cave, with the only light,that given off by the torches.It was compelling viewing: Kor'ena's agility, her expertise, herability to fight at the highest degree of difficulty. Most of thetime with the safety protocols off. She could then see the fire andchallenge in her mother's eyes, her cat-like fleet footed movementsto attack using the element of surprise. Her deep mane of russethair almost to her waist, fanning out about her. Now, thinking aboutit, B'Elanna realised how good her mother really had been then.Now, thinking about it, B'Elanna realised how Kor'ena used thesebattles to exorcise her own demons. A way of using extreme physicalactivity to give vent to her frustrations. It was raw, elemental,and it struck a chord in young B'Elanna's heart.She, B'Elanna, knew herself to be strong for her age and sex,grudgingly admitted that her Klingon genes were the reason forthe way in which she could, on many occasions beat the pulp out ofthose who called her names when it still mattered to her how shelooked. Her mother, she knew, had a plan with her. Kor'ena was notunaware of her child's constant battles to be accepted, ad to bedifferent, and the way the young child coped with it. Expressingherself in such a needless and aggressive way. Bringing her to theholosuites may have the one method Kor'ena knew would help a long wayto channel B'Elanna's aggression. The way Kor'ena herself, B'Elannarealised with new insight into her mother, was doing."Yes, she wanted to be a warrior one day, take the Rite of Ascensionlike Kor'ena did when she was younger.Ten year old B'Elanna nodded her head imperceptibly. She didn't wantto see her mother gloat, or be happy that there was something Klingonher daughter wanted to do. So everytime she went with her mother tothe holosuites, she tried to lift the bat'leth, until one day sheactually smiled at the mother when she lifted the bat'leth for thefirst time. Proud at last that she could lift it. She would becomea warrior too one day, like her mother. There was a glint in hermother's eyes, her face lit up with one of her rare smiles. Thatwas all it took to make Kor'ena Torres happy."be'Hom, you are now ready to be trained for combat," Kor'ena saidwith pride one day.How strange, B'Elanna thought, looking at her mother right now, thatthe only times ever that they were in accord, friends almost, werewhen she, as a teenager would engage in Klingon Martial arts in theholosuites, or with Klingon foes, or when Kor'ena trained her. Itwas the only aspect of her mother's life which B'Elanna shared, whichbecame the common ground between mother and daughter. And althoughshe hated to admit it, it was the one thing she really enjoyed.Pitting her agility and strength against that of her mother, whohoned her, fine-tuned her skills, until she could be almost a goodas Kor'ena Torres. Almost. Even now, so many years later, she had toadmit that she could never, even with Starfleet training behind her,be as good as Kor'ena Torres. And even though she hated to admit it,the tiny seeds of doubt began to from, making her wonder just howmuch Kor'ena had sacrificed to raise her daughter alone."One day, puqn, this will be yours, this sword, to carve your namewith pride and courage."In her eyes B'Elanna cold see the fire, the incredible courage,the pride. And most of the time, also the bitterness.Her lips would curl derisively whenever she would think of herhusband. Or B'Elanna knew she was thinking of him whenever she sawthat bitter, cheerless twist to her mouth. It was her perception ofmen, with her own errant husband as the benchmark, which she triedto impress on her young and impressionable daughter. As far asKor'ena Torres was concerned men were fickle, faithless, never tobe trusted. It was why she viewed with such mistrust even the few -and courageous - young boys who were interested in B'Elanna.Interested in - unbelievably - her intellect, her sharpness,therefore, for herself. These young men were rejected. Isn't itan irony then, that the one young person B'Elanna really had a crushon in her senior year at high school, could be the very type hermother abhorred, who made B'Elanna pregnant, then deserted her?The type who thought of B'Elanna as a half-breed and therefore ripefor the picking? The day she collapsed in class and lost her baby,at seventeen, young and in shock, with everything going for her,acceptance to the Academy, is it any wonder that she hated who shewas?Yet it was Kor'ena Torres who held her hand during those angry days,following her miscarriage. Who held her close to her bosom, and sungher lullaby's to B'Elanna, old as she was then. Who soothed herfevered brow, who that sheen in her eyes when B'Elanna looked ather.Why is it, B'Elanna thought, that only now, looking back - notin anger anymore - but with an objectivity she had long denied herselffrom expressing, she could see so clearly? Her father left notonly his beloved little Bee, he left his beloved wife, too. Thatwhen he left, it was with a sort of desperation that Kor'ena Torrestried to keep together what was left of her precious little family.She, B'Elanna, did not make it easy for her mother. She felt theabject shame was over her, felt like she did two nights ago, to howlin pain at the sorrow she caused her mother. Because through allher daughter's angry outbursts, Kor'ena Torres was there. In spiteof the almost insolent way she attacked her mother sometimes, Kor'enaTorres was there, never leaving her. Through an unhappy little girl'sdesperate longing and crying for someone who would never return,Kor'ena Torres held her close. And in spite of the way she rejectedtime after time her mother's advances to be close to her, Kor'enaTorres was always there, unwavering in her support of her child.Always.How did she ever miss it during those years? Had she been too focusedon her own needs, too self-centered to realise that there alwayshad been an anchor on Kessik IV? A Klingon woman who would neveradmit to the world that she was lonely?In her mother she saw, perhaps belatedly so, the essence of theKlingon honour and pride. The kind of pride that prevented her frommaking any attempt to make contact with her husband. Who knows, itcould have been so different. Even for her daughter's sake, Kor'enawas too proud to ask for her husband back.Kor'ena stirred again."B'Elanna," came her rasp."Mother?""The sword. Take it.""Mother, I - ""It is yours now," she said with fevered grey eyes. "It is ourhonour.""I know, Mother," B'Elanna said and she sighed. She lifted hermother's hand and pressed the palm against her cheek. B'Elannaclosed her eyes, and when she opened them, Kor'ena was looking ather, waiting."I - " she paused, her eyes closing again, " - have no honour,Mother. You were right, so many years ago...""B'Elanna," Kor'ena whispered, smiling wanly. "You were youngthen. It was a difficult time for you. You - you...were...always...hurting..." the older woman's word came out. She closedher eyes, and when she opened them again, they held understanding."I...have...cried...many...times...for you...be'Hom. In...my...heart."B'Elanna felt the knife of shame slice through her heart. GreatKahless, I can't take anymore! How my mother suffered!"I know, sweet mother..." B'Elanna whispered with some desperation."Then...take the sword, please...be'Hom. And bring honour to ourname..."B'Elanna was too overcome, mute, to voice her response. She noddedwordlessly. Then bent over to kiss her mother's brow, her handagainst her mother's cheek."Thank you, my B'Elanna."She closed her eyes, was still for a long time. Then she stirred,and she brought out, with painful slowness, her other hand that hadbeen under the cover all the time B'Elanna had been in the room.The candles flickered, the shadows danced against the wall, and whenKor'ena's hand came out, B'Elanna saw for the first time the amuletshe had been clutching all the time. B'Elanna felt her heartconstrict so sharply, that it came as painful gasp from her throat.The final straw, she thought, with which I broke my mother.Kor'ena held out the hand clutching the bloodstone, and in a stirringgesture of entreaty said:"B'Elanna, puqn, I - I know you did not want this. But it is yours,to pass on to your daughter...Elizabeth...""Mother, I - " she felt for the first time the tears, fillingher eyes and rolling hotly down her cheeks, " - do not deservethis."She looked at her mother, whose eyes held only love. In that singlemoment everything fell away, B'Elanna's heart opened and all heranger, everything left her, and everything came together. She roseslowly, only to fall down on her knees next to Kor'ena, and restedher head on her mother's bosom, the way she held her daughter so manyyears ago. Kor'ena's arm came around B'Elanna, embracing her, the handholding the Chalcedony stone stroking B'Elanna's hair, and soothingher quietly crying daughter."You belong to my heart, B'Elanna. Believe that. Always.""I love you, mother," B'Elanna whispered brokenly at last."I have always loved you...""I know, my child, I know..."Like that they lay, mother and daughter, for a long time.Somehow, when Diego Torres stood in the doorway of the room andlooked in this sight, he felt a peace at last. He saw B'Elannaembracing her mother, her hand stroking now her mother's hair, andholding in that same hand, the family stone that was alwaysmeant for her so many years ago.He stepped inside, took B'Elanna gently by her shoulders and said:"Come, child, you need to rest now. I will sit here with her."His eyes were kindly, and he urged her gently toward the door.B'Elanna, for the first time since she arrived, looked at her fatherwithout that feeling of hostility she harboured all the time justthinking about him.She nodded, and joined Tom again in the front room.He hurried to her, held her closely to him. He has seen the sheenof tears in her eyes, and he was glad. His lips were on her hair.He held her away from him a little and asked:"You okay, sweetheart?""Yes..." she said, then with a little more conviction, her eyesfilling with happiness, almost. "Yes, I am, Tom. I am, now."Then she held out the amulet to him; he looked at it and understood."She will die a happy woman, B'Elanna."B'Elanna looked up in his face, full of trust, said:"I know what will make her happier, Tom."*********************CHAPTER FIVEDiego Torres took his place at his wife's bedside again. He tookher hand in his, and caressed it gently. Her eyes were open now,and she looked at him with almost renewed strength."Diego.""My love.""You must tell her."He closed his eyes, then leaned forward and pressed his lips gentlyagainst her forehead, then settled back again."I will tell her, Kor'ena. I will.""Our daughter has become a beautiful woman, Diego.""My love, she has the best of you in her." Her eyes took on a sheenwhen he said that."She does not hate me, Diego." Saying that, she tried to raiseherself, and this time, he helped her to a sitting position, joiningher on the bed and cushioning her back against his chest. It seemedto him that she actually breathed a little better."She does not hate me," she said again. She became almost agitatedwith this newfound knowledge."Shhh..." he begged her. "You must rest, my love.""She - she accepted the amulet, Dee.""My love", he said, smiling when she called him Dee, "it was her wayof accepting you. Of putting her pride one side and letting herheart speak.""I - I was...so afraid, Dee. So afraid." She paused, then spokeagain. "She is happy, Diego. I can see that in her. She lovesher husband, and Tom loves her.""Yes, my love, he loves her very much."And Diego felt like a knife had been driven through his heart. Hesensed it immediately when he saw the two of them together. They,he could see, had a better chance at happiness than he and Kor'enahad. He could also see that their union had not been without itspain. Tom was amazingly protective over B'Elanna. Tom, he sensed,was a stayer. He would do everything and more to keep his familytogether.He wished, oh, how he wished that things could have been differentfor him and Kor'ena.**********************He first saw Kor'ena while she was a member of a geological surveyteam on Kronos. The Green Planet as it was known among geologists.He was intrigued immediately by the Klingon delegation who wouldjoin them on their mission.Kor'ena Kor'eg, of the House of Kor'eg, was a beautiful woman, withher combination of fearlessness, warrior-like approach to everythingshe tackled.Her hair hung in long tresses down her shoulders, her Klingon ridgeslent her an air of such great power, he was awed by it. Her eyes,a deep shade of grey, peered at him, with a total disregard forpropriety. He saw, or rather read the message there:"I will mark you for my own."Knowing that they would be in the Klingon Homeworld for a few weeks,he studied every aspect of Klingon culture and rituals. He still didnot know how he got through that first day without breaking out insweat, or panting in anticipation at the promise of he knew not what.Or without touching her.When he had the first opportunity to address her, it was after thefirst day's work, when they were at the Federation delegation'squarters. He was struck by her beauty, she humanoid, but nothuman. There was something so indefinable about her. Short of havingto approach her with old banalities of greeting, he said as he stoodby her table:"May I?" Indicating whether he could join her.She looked at him with those piercing grey eyes, a quite unsettlinglook that had him squirming. She merely nodded to the seat oppositeher at the table. He sat down, appraising her. Damn, if she could doit to him, making him feel naked, he might as well return the favour."It's unusual for a Klingon warrior to have an interest in geology,"he said."Living on the Klingon Homeworld with its seismic activities, mostKlingons have to be. Perhaps in my case, a little more than therest. My parents insisted I have a career other than engaging inwar games."War games?""I am too much the warrior, according to them."Diego looked at her, and in that instant he saw something else.Perhaps it was his imagination, but the look in her eyes was sopensive, as if being a geologist and a warrior would be secondaryin her life if... What an if, he decided. If she could find somebodyto love? It that were the answer, then right at that moment, hethought Kor'ena Kor'eg of the House of Kor'eg a lonely woman.She was searching."Have you ever been disobedient?" he asked suddenly."There is no honour in that," she replied."I thought you might say that, being Klingon. Look - " he said,stopping when he suddenly realised he had placed his hand on herswhere it rested on the table. He spoke not a word further allowedthe sudden and almost alien feeling of desire, a chemistry,an electric impulse that seemed to rock him out of his chair,take hold of him. In her face, now a burnished red, he saw theemotion he experienced, reflected there. Then he said:"As I understand it, Klingon women are very voracious," hestammered, almost kicking himself at the way the word came out.It wasn't what he wanted to say. Or, at least, not that way.something more romantic. But she seemed unaware of hisdiscomfiture. Or chose to ignore it."That is usually the first thing a man would say to a Klingonif he desired her." And the worst line he could have chosen,he thought. And his next line:"I'd like to see you again, Kor'ena. Oh, I know. Not as acolleague."He knew he was getting in deeper and deeper as he saw the fire inKor'ena's smouldering eyes, and knew his own to mirror the samedesire. He thought it a miracle they didn't set the room on fire,but sensed the rest of the delegation were aware of the mutualattraction between the fiery Klingon warrior and a peace loving,almost quiet human male. In that moment he honestly did not care.Or consider the consequences. It was to them as if they were cut offfrom the rest of the room, only the two of them existing in theirown little nirvana.************************It was the early hours of the following morning in Diego's quarters.He lay on his back, and in his arms, a finally satiated Kor'ena.He was well and truly marked. The teeth marks from the bite in hischeeks now red, each deeply indented. He looked at her, blissfullyasleep and contented. And thought of their stormy union the previousevening."Well, here we are, Kor'ena of Kor'eg. In my quar - ". But beforehe could finish his sentence, taking him completely by surprise,held the sides of his head, and emitting a deep growl, sank her teethinto his cheek. He screamed at the pain, holding his palm over themark and when he removed his hand, saw the blood on it. He staredin fascination at his hand, the pain he experienced slowly replacedby the most incredible feeling of desire taking hold of every poreof his body."That is the Klingon way for marking our men. I've marked you, Ican smell your blood.""You've caught my scent?" he asked a little stupefied, but with ahint of anticipation, his eyes sparkling. He was enjoying thisloveplay."You belong to me," she scowled, advancing with cat-like grace onhim, then pounced again. She grabbed him again, but he was preparedthis time."Oh no, you don't," he warned, as he grabbed her hair, pulled herhead back and dug his teeth into her neck. He felt her heat, as sheheld her head back, and started kissing her, all over, his lipsburning on her skin, a low growl escaping her everytime. Then heheld her face level with his, and slowly brought her head closer.Her breathing came on short gasps, as he ground his mouth intohers. Her mouth opened under his, feeling her teeth, his tongueplunging deep inside. That was the moment he knew he was lost.Her hand cupped his head, and they stayed locked, drinking from eachother."Kor'ena," he groaned raggedly as he picked her up and carried herto his bed."Love me," she commanded. "Love me now!"She was lying beneath him, and he jerked away her shirt, the claspsflying, revealing her full breasts. He looked at her, then staredat her already erect nipples. He felt his own erection so hard, thathe cried out in pain as he bent his head to cover her nipple withhis mouth, while teasing the other between his thumb and forefinger.He suckled, pulled the nipple with his teeth. Her head was thrownback, her eyes closed with the pleasure of the sensation coursingthrough her."More..." she gasped. "Harder, Diego..."He complied, then sucked so hard in her nipple that she screamedwith the intense erotic pleasure of it, feeling the cleft betweenher legs becoming wet with want, awash with her juices. Her handswere busy. She managed to rip his shirt off his body, revealing thedark hair on his chest. It sent her wild as she lifted herself tolook at him. Her eyes were wild with anticipation, a gleam in them.He lay her down gently again. Then, in a lazy motion, curled hisfingers into the top of her pants, and slipping it slowly over herhips, bringing her panty down with it. She was now gloriously naked.He looked at her first, his eyes going over her face, desire plain,then over her breasts, the plains of her stomach, to rest finallyon the cleft between her legs. He moaned softly as he slid down herbody, and with a sigh, his face now level with her vulva, coveredher with his mouth. She was hot and ready as he started sucking,bringing his hands to her hips, parting her legs slightly, and withhis thumbs unsheathed the quivering clitoris, pink and waiting...Sighing he took the clit between his teeth, his tongue flickingover and over until he could feel the muscles of her body stiffeningas she approached her climax. He plunged his tongue deep into heras she bucked against his mouth, while a thousand shards of pleasureshot through her body.She screamed his name as she went over the edge, and not satisfied,called:"Diego, now...now!" as he plunged his tongue again and again into=20her. His hands gripped her hips so tightly, she was almost sitting=20up, her legs spread wide as he rode her with his mouth.=20He didn't even know that Kor'ena eventually removed his trousers,so drunk he was with the pleasure of tasting her body. Drenchedin sweat, he raised himself over her, using his knees to keep her=20legs very wide. His rock hard penis nudged her folds open as he=20prepared to mount her, the tip pressed against her slit. He braced=20his hands on the bed, next to her head, his face close to hers, then=20asked:"Wanna ride, Kor'ena?"At which she raised her hips to him, and he rammed himself withgreat force into her."Yesss!" came her victorious cry, as he moved into her, thrusting sohard, her tight sheath had little time to adjust to his swollenpenis, but she reveled in the way he drove into her, helping byarching her back and bucking wildly into his hips, feeling him fillher so completely, she never wanted to let him go. He swore he coulddie the way her sheath muscles closed around him so tightly, it wasalmost difficult to move into her, and painful, if he weren'treleased soon. So he pounded her harder, by pulling out as far ashe could, then ramming again and again into her. Her legs came upto pin his hips to her, finding their rhythm, and moving, gasping,sweating, grunting. His fingers were laced into hers, where he hadnow pinned her hands above her head."My God, you are some woman," he shouted as he raised himself aboveher, feeling her coming closer to the edge. Their minds cleared ofeverything, except the two of them, locked together. He thought he'dnever let her go, as he ceased to function on a rational level,throwing themselves completely into the vortex of their passion.They screamed each other's names as Diego took Kor'ena with him,crashing thunderously over the edge. He collapsed on top of her,and stayed like that for a long time, feeling almost dizzy as hestruggled to reach back to reality. Kor'ena, it seemed, was alsotrying to breathe evenly, and a long time later, still inside her,still hard, and when both were calm, he said:"Now for the rest of it, my love..." as they started the next roundof what would become a night of wild and passionate lovemaking...He looked down at Kor'ena Kor'eg, in his arms, her hair all overthem, sleeping so peacefully now. She stirred slightly in hersleep." - no other man for me..." he heard her whisper."no other woman for me..." he whispered into her beautiful hair.Diego closed his eyes then. As surely as he knew his name was DiegoTorres, he knew he had fallen completely, utterly and irrevocablyin love with Kor'ena Kor'eg, of the House of Kor'eg. He knew ascertainly as his name was Diego, that there would be no other womanfor him. Ever.How then, Diego Torres agonised, can I tell this woman that I ampledged to another? That another woman to whom I have pledgedmarriage, is waiting for me at home? That this union would jointwo old families? For the first time since her met Kor'ena,Diego Torres felt like crying.**********************He didn't tell her. Even later, looking back on those two blissfulweeks he and Kor'ena spent on Kronos, he thought the most cowardlything he had done, was not telling her of his commitment to anotherand his duty to his family. In a twist of irony, knowing how Kor'enahad such a great sense of honour, he was honour bound by promise,made to family and fianc=E9e=82e."Kor'ena," he said to her on the last day of the team's stay onKronos, "I have to go back home, to Earth. I have some affairs tosettle there first."They were at her family home, and although he could feel that herparents were wary of their daughter's liaison with a human, theywere gratified that there was now someone who could tame their wildand willful daughter. It was very clear to them that their daughterwas in love, head over beautiful heels. Kor'ena was. more thanother Klingon's they knew, in particular male warriors, even morepredisposed to doing battle. And what better way to tone heraggression than to be in love, and commit herself to a differentchallenge."I understand, Diego." Her grey eyes were clouded, he could seethere was uncertainty in them. Was she afraid he would not return?"The geological survey is complete here, but I have been assignedto Kessik IV. I - I would like you to be with me, there, Kor'ena.""And I would like to be there, with you, Diego."He could see the clouds move away, replaced by a sheen, which, ifhe didn't know that Klingons had no tear ducts, he could have swornshe was crying. With happiness. His strong warrior woman, for whomhe was about to commit another act of cowardice. He closed his eyesas he thought of the pending confrontation. And the hardest decisionin his life he has ever had to make. That of leaving his familyfor the woman he loved.He drew her into his arms, and held her like that for long, longmoments. He thought he'd never stop being intoxicated by this woman,who was so ready to give him her heart. By now he knew her to be aperson without pretensions, who would be open, direct, almostpainfully direct. She'd give all of herself. Or nothing."I love you, Kor'ena," he whispered against her hair, with somethingof a desperation in his voice. When she turned in his embrace, herface was lifted to him. He bent his head, thinking absently how hewas still several inches taller than his proud warrior. His lipswere warm on her mouth, and he could feel her responding to histouch. She drew away from him, eventually, saying:"I love you, Diego Torres. I will wait for you. Here. At Kronos."There was a message in her eyes, one that said she would understandif he never returned for her. He saw the pride there. She would neveradmit that she would be devastated if he did not come back for her.After all, he was just a visitor to their Homeworld, a passing ship,that would leave port, and never return. He vowed then he'd returnfor her, this woman who had so completely stolen his heart.With a final kiss, long and lingering, he left her, knowing howdifficult the next few weeks were going to be for him.******************"You are infatuated with this - this Klingon woman, Diego," hisfather said to him in the lounge of their family home. "She isonly a diversion for you, son." He blanched at the way his fatherreduced his love for Kor'ena to that of someone bent on lust alone.His mother, Maria, sat on the couch, not willing to enter into thisconfrontation between father and son. Her husband was a strong-willedman, who would like frown at her interference. So she kept out of thebattle between the two men, although she felt secretly glad thatDiego was at last standing up to his father. And for the love ofa woman."I love her, Dad. I'm sorry, but I can't fulfil my promise ofjoining our families.""You have a duty to this family, Diego. As the eldest son you areexpected to become the head of the family one day. And what betterway to do it than to join two families by marrying Elena.""Dad, I can't. You have to release me from this promise. I was young.I didn't know what I was saying yes to. I love Kor'ena, Dad. Nothingwill change that."His father looked at him, acute disappointment in his eyes, and alsoaccusation. He knew he was letting his family down. But he wanted tofollow his heart. He saw his father's lips trembling as he looked atDiego, before he pronounced judgement, looking like he almost spaton the floor, as he said:"You are no son of mine. No son of mine would dishonour the familylike you want o do, Diego." Ricco Torres came closer to his son,said:"She is not one of us, Diego. What do you know about her and herculture? She will never make you happy. Just you see, in a shortwhile it will be over."Diego closed his eyes, his father's words like a knife piercing hisheart. The old man knew just where to get him, Diego thoughtwith a sense of despair, feeling how minute after agonising minutehe was losing Kor'ena. It was her face, the expression of resignedacceptance in her eyes, that flashed before him, and he knew hecouldn't lose her. Not this way. Not with Ricco Torres reminding himof his duty, upholding the family name. Holding a gun to his head."I'm sorry, Dad, if I'm a disappointment to you, but I can't doyour bidding, not now. I can't marry Elena. She is still young,there will be others for her," he said, trying to appease the olderman.That was when Ricco Torres drove him into a corner. He could seethe resolve in his father's eyes as he said:"In five years Elena will be twenty one, ready to be your wife, ifnot sooner.""I'm not marrying Elena, Dad. I don't love her. I never will.""Love?" his father spat at him again. "That will always come.""No - ! I knew that I want to share my life with Kor'ena. Therewill no other woman for me, I can't let her go. Let me go, Dad.""You dishonourable fool," Ricco Torres said. "You are a coward.But one day, my son, one day, you'll see. One day you will returnto this family. You will return and fulfil your duty."That was the closest his father came to accepting the inevitable.Diego felt sick. The burden of duty rested heavily on his shoulders.He loved his family, but now, it seemed, he love Kor'ena more.He was willing to give up his family and duty for the woman he loved.He didn't want to leave this way, a disappointment to his parents,especially his father. It was his mother, on the day he left, whosaid to him in that deceptively soft voice of hers:"I know you want to follow your heart, son. You want to marry becauseyou love her, not because you feel it is a duty you must perform."He hugged his mother then, and wondered why it felt like his heartwas breaking all over again. They all had such a great sense offamily, of togetherness, and now he, the eldest son would break thatcircle. His heart was waiting for him on Kronos. Without the blessingof his father. That was what bogged him down the first few monthsaway from home."You will come back, Diego," were the last words he heard his fathersay as he left his home, to leave for Kronos. To his love.*******************The day after he and Kor'ena performed the Klingon marriage ritual,they left for Kessik IV. Diego tried to push those unhappy memoriesof the way he left his family in the furthest recesses of his mind.He convinced himself that Kor'ena did not need to know of the angryconfrontations between him and his father, or the plaintivepleading of young Elena, who came to speak to him on her family'sbehalf."Perhaps one day, there will be someone for me," she said resignedly.It wasn't easy walking away from her, Diego realised. He hurt her,he could see that. She was still too young to hide her feelings,was unable to mask her extreme disappointment of letting go of theman she knew was her life mate. So Diego shelved that guilt too, sodeep, he eventually was able to forget. So he was able to pourall his love, all his emotions into his marriage. He became a happyman.He was over the moon when Kor'ena fell pregnant, something shetook in her stride."I am a warrior, Diego. But I know our child will complete ourcircle of love," she said to him."And I am a man, Kor'ena, soon to be a father. I want this very,very badly. You don't know how much," he said as he kissed herpassionately."Diego.""My love?""I am not stupid, you know. I know you gave up a lot when you marriedme. You gave up your family. You did not have to tell me anything.I sensed it in you - ""Kor'ena - ""No, let me finish. I know how difficult it must be for you. You -you must know that you can return, to visit.""Only if you will accompany me, Kor'ena. I go with my wife, ornot at all.""My love," she said gently, "do not think I am unaware that I amdifferent, not what your people expected. They will not accept me,or perhaps our child."He wanted to tell her how wrong she was, but now was not the occasionfor sadness. He wanted to be happy. And so he shelved anotheropportunity to apprise her of his real family situation. He thoughtby that time that it was unimportant."Our baby, what shall we call her?""So you want a girl too, Diego?'"Of course. One that will look just like her Mommy, whom I love todistraction," as he closed in on her, and started kissing her."B'Elanna. I thought B'Elanna," she mumbled through his kisses.It was my grandmother's name."They were so blissfully happy, waiting for their baby to be born.He had a whale of a time keeping his wife in line, because intypical manly fashion he thought that she was fragile, and shouldnot do heavy work, or go to the holosuites and beat up some Klingonfoes. He wanted to do everything for her, saying she should indulgehim. He was only human, he said, in a manner of speaking."Diego," she said to him one day as he surprised her in theholosuite. "You see this weapon? It's been in my family forgenerations. Here, here..." she showed him, pointing to the bladesection just under the centre hand-hold, "this is the family crest.I must do this weapon, and therefore my family, justice, Diego,and bring honour to our name. One day, it will belong to ourchild."She was six months pregnant, and no matter how he panicked everytimehe saw her swing that mighty weapon, she was impervious to hisentreaty to take it easy."I intend giving birth to a warrior, Diego," she said with animperious air.And on the day baby B'Elanna Torres was born, with her littleKlingon ridges, her deep brown hair, and almost black eyes as shelooked at her Daddy, Diego Torres fell in love again.*******************CHAPTER SIXKor'ena stirred again in Diego's arms. He looked down at her, sawthe tired expression."Diego," she whispered, "B'Elanna, you must tell her. Tell heryou came back for us...for me. Tell her...you made me happy again.""I know, sweetheart. I promise I will tell her.""B'Elanna... Diego, you - you must be patient with her..."He sighed, remembering how she looked at him with open hostility,and thought how could he ever reach her. He did not deserve that shelook upon him with love. What was he expecting? That she act as iftwenty five years of isolation did not matter?"Yes, my love. I know. She harbours great resentment. Hatred even.I don't blame her. I can't.""She...suffered...more than you can know, my love," she said, withoutrancour, perhaps even as a statement of fact. Diego thought howeven now, Kor'ena could be so direct."Yes, I know, my love. I can only imagine what she went through,sweetheart. I was foolish. Foolish, Kor'ena, to have left you then.Foolish and stupid.""Diego," she said, again with that imperious air about her, "youhave punished yourself enough. You have been punished enough.You are here, with me, now. We have had a good eight years together.There is gladness in my heart. That I can leave this world andenter Sto-vo-kor knowing you were here with me, at the last. Itcomforts me, to feel your arms around me.""Kor'ena, please. Don't speak so. It pains me, heart of mine.""I love you, Diego...""And I love you too, Kor'ena Torres, heart of mine.""You will have something of me, Diego. Our daughter. Your missionwould be to make her love you again." Kor'ena fell quiet again,and Diego continued with his musing.************************I am hundred times the coward Kor'ena accused me of so long ago,Diego thought. He had consistently refused over the six years ofhis marriage to lend substance to his father's words. Yet, slowly,insidiously, like a thief in the night, the feeling ofdiscontentment stole upon him. Much as he tried to rationalise itaway from his conscience, and out of his heart and mind, the feelingpersisted. Until he finally had to admit to himself that he missedhis family. His parents, brothers and sisters. His aged grandmother.It was possible for him, already in their first year on Kessik IVto be reassigned to Earth, and therefore closer to them. Much as helived and breathed for his wife and daughter, it felt for him likesomething had been cut from him. He needed the rest of his family.And the annual visits he and B'Elanna paid them, compounded hislonging for them much more. Particularly as his father had taken illwhen B'Elanna was five. He felt the old sense of duty and honoursurface so strongly during this time, it was inevitable that a riftwould be created between him and Kor'ena.Kor'ena.He sighed. He remembered their first visit to his parents. Kor'enawas uncomfortable in their presence, she felt uneasy, and he knewit was difficult for her."I am different from your people, Diego. Too different for it notto matter," she said, and it was this litany she kept upconsistently over the next few years whenever he wanted to go toEarth to visit his parents. She convinced herself that she wouldnever fit in. So B'Elanna would accompany him. He cold see that shehad no such notions, and loved his mother quite deeply. She wouldbe the first person she would go to when they arrived there. Thatwas until the last year, when she asked him:"Daddy, why do I look different from you?"It was difficult to explain to her to her that she was a uniquechild, with the physical and emotional characteristics of bothher parents. Even so, he knew Kor'ena would never have influencedtheir daughter to believe that the way she looked, determinedher status, or her right to loved and accepted.By the time B'Elanna was five, he and Kor'ena argued frequently,too frequently for the inevitable breach that sprang on them, tobe healed instantly. Yes, in the beginning it was very vocal andphysical. Caring not whether B'Elanna was standing right therewatching these loving parents of hers breaking up. And every argumenthad as its source: his desire to be in the larger fold of familylife.How stupid he was then. To demand that Kor'ena give up everythingthat was so much a part of her nature and culture, so intuitive andnatural, so much the warrior, the wife and mother, in short,so Klingon."Look at me, Diego," she said one time. "Look at me. What do yousee?""I see the woman I married, Kor'ena.""Then why did you marry me, Diego? Because I was different? Klingon?""Dammit, Kor'ena. I married you because I love you. I love you now.""Then surely that must count? That you love me? Enough to understandthat there are things about me that can never in a hundred lifetimeschange? ...Even if I wanted to change them..." she added very softly,her eyes filled with a sudden bleakness."They need me at home, Kor'ena. And I need for you to be there,with me, my love.""I - I find it difficult, Diego. You have no idea how difficult itis, even here on Kessik IV."They argued, and always in circles, coming back to the same oldtired reasons. Neither of them wanted to budge. He felt he wanted todo the noble thing and assume the leadership of his family back onEarth. Ready to do his duty and commit himself to a worthy cause.She, wanting to stay where they were at least known, and peoplewere at least used to seeing the only Klingon and half Klingonon Kessik IV.Kor'ena was uncompromising, resolute, refusing to join himon is journey home. Then he made the other mistake:"Let me take B'Elanna with me, then, Kor'ena. She will have greatopportunities there. More than on Kessik IV."He saw her rise to her full height, look him straight in the eyeand said:"Over my dead body.""Kor'ena, please - ""My daughter stays, here, with me. You go, Diego, and find what youwere looking for all these years. It seems to be no longer goingafter your love, and fighting for it. Your priorities have changed.No, you will not take my child away from me."He loved B'Elanna almost to the point of madness, and he did becomeslightly demented when she refused his demand.He looked at her again and saw the awful Klingon pride in her eyes.They stared at him, unwavering, yet with that same resigned airhe saw in her eyes six years ago, when he promised he'd come back forher. I am losing her, he thought with dread. I'm losing her. Thenshe said, finally, with that same sheen in her eyes that always madehim think right at that moment she's crying:"Diego, my love. Go to your people. If I do not hear from you in thenext month, then I know you will not return."He stood there, and even though she gave him that ultimatum, heknew that ultimately, he held his own future in his hands. He knewif he couldn't have B'Elanna, he'd stay. If he couldn't have hiswife with him, he'd come back.How was he to know then, given this resolution, that the fatesand to a great extent his own family, the very people for whom heleft his wife and child, would conspire against him, to the pointof it being criminal even, to keep him separated from his belovedKor'ena and his beloved little Bee?How was he to know? And spend seventeen bitter years in hell?*********************They lied to him and they lied to her.And because they parted with such finality and bitterness, it becameeasy t convince himself that Kor'ena never wanted to see him again,and that she was glad to release him firm their marriage vows. Itbecame easy to believe the lies his father told him.It was the fates, he decided, that caused him to go down with aparticularly virulent strain of the flu virus almost the momenthe returned home. One which even modern medicine could not cure asif by magic. He wondered idly, how it was possible that his fathercould so completely dominate his mother that even she kept quiet atthe time. That he could be so completely taken in by his father'smendacity. And all for the sake of keeping the family honour, andkeeping the family together, however noble those sentimentswere.In his delirium he called constantly for Kor'ena and B'Elanna. Theirswere the images that constantly during that time, flashed in hisfevered mind. His heart quivering with longing for them. The emptinesseverytime he woke up and they weren't there."They cannot come, Diego," his father would say, and his mother wouldsoothe."Tell her I'm ill, Dad. She will understand.""I'm sorry son, but Kor'ena won't come. We have given her themessage. She is refusing to see you."Then they did something else. Brought in Elena, now a young womanof twenty one, to help nurse him to health. If only he had known,God help him, if only. It was an orchestrated move on his father'spart - he had forgiven his mother - to drive home the fact that hiswife wanted to be free of him. Throwing Elena on him. Whose gentleministrations he endured, thinking they were Kor'ena's hands, wipinghis face, stroking his cheek, kissing his lips.A month later, his father brought him a message."According to Klingon custom, your wife Kor'ena has requested to beformally separated from you," Ricco told him, while he wasrecuperating. How stupid he was then! He actually believed that shemerely wanted to wait till he had recovered, for him to return.Which is why he made no overtures to contact her."No - ! That's not true, Dad! I love her. We had our differences, butthey were not insurmountable," he said with belated insight."Here, see for yourself." Diego showed him the infoPADD.How can this be true? he wondered with anguish as he looked at herdamning words. Words that sent him to hell. How? That she did notwant to see him again, that she divorced him, that she took B'Elannaaway, with her, to who knows where? For months, he was like a crazyanimal. Looking over and over again at that note. To make sure,hoping to find it's not true, that she really wanted to be free ofhim. He saw his life slip away, his future, his happiness."She won't let you near her, Diego, or near the child. You cansee she does not love you. She never has."The rest of his family, his brothers and sisters, all believedwhat Kor'ena had written. They were never informed of the true stateof affairs, he learnt years later. Years too late, later. For thefirst two years he was angry most of the time. And bitter. He startedto believe that what Kor'ena said, was true. That she did not love himanymore. In that his family aided and abetted his thinking. He beganto believe that it would be pointless to try and see his child atleast. And so, gradually, came bitter acceptance, the bitterknowledge that life went on. That he had to get on with his life.Without his Kor'ena and without his little Bee.But in those first years, uppermost in his being, he was consumedwith yearning for his wife and his little Bee. He was constantlyovertaken by memories of them, a laughing B'Elanna, voice clear andhigh pitched on his back as he crawled on the floor. A smiling Kor'enalooking at them with such love in her eyes, and shaking her head.Kor'ena pregnant and wielding that fabulous bat-leth, and himpanicking that she would injure herself. The two of them, at theunderground lava pits, studying rock samples, the geologicalwonders of Kessik IV. His whole being throbbed at the memorieshe did not want to let go.Little B'Elanna dismantling every tricorder they had in the house,then trying to put it together again, leaving it a mess. And herinnocent smile then. They had both known then that B'Elanna hadabove average intelligence for her age. She was into everythingthat could work either mechanically, or electronically. Heremembered how he and Kor'ena had their hands full with theincredible speed with which young B'Elanna absorbed scientificinformation. How proud they were of her."Maybe one day, she'll want to join Starfleet Academy," he suggested."Yes... maybe," Kor'ena said a little hesitantly. Although her eyesshone with pride.He remembered Kor'ena in bed with him, marking him time and again.Her long mane of russet hair all over them, as she prowled like acat, baring her teeth."You are mine...forever..." she used to say before sinking her teethinto his body, wherever her mouth would be, his cheeks, his chest,his inner thighs. Everywhere. He closed his eyes at this image.They never tired of their lovemaking. He had grown so used to hervoraciousness, her insatiable hunger for him, he knew that only withher, and her alone, could he express himself equally voraciously,even greedily with his need of her. They could be totally wild onenight, and then sweetly gentle the next. But gradually, even theseimages began to fade, leaving him only with a deep, deep longing,a restlessness that never left him. Even after...Elena was never far from him, and encouraged by his parents, the twoof them were thrown together at every opportunity. He knew she lovedhim, but he held her off, for a long time. It was the moment headmitted to himself that he was lonely, that he eventually proposedto her.That was they day that he felt like he was dying again. Becausehe realised then, what it really meant dong something out of whathe now thought was a misguided sense of duty. And made anotherwoman unhappy.Theirs was a loveless, cheerless union, brought together only outof a sense of obligation, fulfilling a duty. But he knew, deepdown, he also in a away needed Elena. He could not make her happy.All the effort of making the marriage work, came from her. In astrange twist of fate, he never made children with Elena, makinghis longing for his lost daughter at times so acute, he wouldcall out B'Elanna's name in his sleep.As he called out Kor'ena's name when he made love with Elena. Thenhe felt like dying of shame and embarrassment, seeing Elena's eyesgo dead everytime. How strange the mind worked, he thought. Hecould convince himself most of the time the Kor'ena was out of hismind, not think about her at all during the day. But at night.At night.He always wondered why Elena didn't leave him. And whether she soughtto endure his lovemaking as a punishment, seeking in a masochistickind of way to inflict pain on herself."Elena." he told her one day, "you must know that our marriage is notworking. Not in the way that you want." He sighed. She would justgive him one of her engaging smiles and say:"I understand completely, Diego. It does not matter to me. I'm happyjust being with you." Yet she would be unable to hide the deeppain he knew she felt."I - I call out her name, Elena. At night. When we make love. Youmust know that," he said with some shame washing over him."How can that make you happy?"She would look at him with those large, sad eyes and say:"I am happy, Diego. I - I am just sorry I - I can't make youhappy.""Elena...I'm sorry...""Don't be, Diego...it's not your fault. I - I don't think anyonerealised just how deeply you loved her... how deeply you still loveher..." she said with a note of desolation in her voice.******************Diego had always thought that the most miraculous thing that everhappened to him was the day he met Kor'ena. And the next miraculousthing, the day their daughter B'Elanna was born. And then there werethose fortuitous things. If ever something fortuitous could havehappened in his life, Diego thought, it was his father dying. Heknew how incongruous that sounded. While it pained him, filled withmourning to witness the death of his father, that was also the dayhis father confessed. For his father dying, was his father givinghim back his life. And the terrible sense of injustice he feltwas done to him and Kor'ena.How could he not feel like wanting to kill an already dying man?Only a few months before that, Elena had finally given up tryingto make him happy. His father accepted that with resignation. Hehad to admit feeling relieved that she wanted to end their marriage.It was bogging him down, feeling the tremendous guilt of doingher an injustice. He felt only marginally better, the old achenever having left him. He felt it sometimes as an unendingthrobbing of his heart. Even after so many years, still callingout Kor'ena's name in his sleep. Or B'Elanna's. They were neverfar away from him.He knew B'Elanna had eventually entered Starfleet Academy, thenleft during her second year. He heard then that she joined theMaquis, after which they seemed to have vanished into thin air.Her movements as he tried to follow them, gave him in a way someindication that she could have turned out rather rebellious. Thathe had to have been to a large extent responsible for the way sheturned out. But that had to be pure speculation on his part.Now his father was dying."Diego...my son...""Dad - ""I did you a grave injustice, my son..." the ailing man stammered."Please... Dad...""I need your forgiveness, Diego. I cannot die in peace.""Forgiveness for what, Dad?" he asked, suddenly apprehensive yettotally unprepared for the shock that awaited him. He saw in hisfather's eyes, swimming with tears, the entreaty."Kor'ena, that message...Diego...I lied to her. I - I lied to her,son. God forgive..."He felt in that moment the most unreasonable anger taking holdof him, yet knowing that he couldn't let his father see it. Herealised that his father, in a matter of a few well chosen wordsto his wife, destroyed every chance of happiness he could have had."I - I told her you were not returning, I - I told her you weremarrying Elena, and - and that she had to release you. That is whyshe sent you that message, Diego. Forgive me, my son. I haveseen how unhappy you were... you never stopped loving Kor'ena...I have lived all these years with a lie, my son, knowing - knowing,seeing your hurt. Forgive me..., please..."Two things struck him almost simultaneously when his father spokethose words: How was it possible to forgive his father forknowingly and deliberately destroying his life? And the second,with the most blinding clarity: it was not he, Diego, who madethe sacrifice, but Kor'ena. With pure Klingon honour and pride,she let him go.She let him go.That was when he cried. He sobbed his heart out at Ricco Torres'deathbed. But he did not cry for his father. He cried for chanceslost, for his own cowardice, his foolish pride to let go of theonly things that ever mattered in his life. Wife and child.Suddenly, fulfilling duty and commitment like he did, becamemeaningless.Meaningless.Scalding tears of rage, of pain, of hunger, of longing floweddown his cheeks for a long, long time. The release of it atlast, at last clearing his mind. It was only his mother who sensedhis tears were not for his father.He stayed only long enough to complete arrangements for Ricco Torres'funeral, then he left. In search of his wife. His beloved Kor'ena.He found her, on the Klingon Homeworld, standing on the edge of theunderground lava pits, braving the incredible heat, seventeen yearsafter he left her.***********************CHAPTER SEVENTom shook B'Elanna gently where she had fallen asleep with her headresting against his shoulder."B'Elanna, sweetheart, Kahlest will be back shortly with thechildren," he said."Yes..." she whispered. He held her away from him and looked deeplyinto her eyes."You okay, B'Elanna?""Yeah...I'm fine. I was just thinking.""So tell me, what were you thinking?" he asked, his lips on her hair."Tom," she parried his question, "it is a good idea, isn't it?"He thought she sounded uncertain, after all, he was supposed to bepart of the whole procedure and the idea was hers."To ask your parents for their daughter's hand in marriage? Marrymy wife again? I think it's a very, very good idea, Angel. We neverdid have a Klingon marriage ritual on Voyager. And we askedCaptain Janeway's permission at the time, remember? There you were,all decked out in something old, something new - ""Something borrowed, something blue?""Yeah...I thought at the time you weren't into too many rituals.A reminder of your old, angry days, perhaps. But now, my sweetB'Elanna," as he hugged her so very closely to him, she gloriedin his warmth, "it will make your mother happy. Moreover, it willmake *you* happy.She sighed contentedly against his chest. "I love you, Tom Paris,"she whispered."I love you, B'Elanna Paris, of the House of Kor'eg." She moved awayfrom him, surprised at what he said, then flung herself into hisarms again, her face buried in his neck.When she looked at him again, her eyes were fevered. He knew shewanted to talk. At last."On Kessik IV, I - I hated everything that was Klingon, Tom. Imade myself believe for a long time that I wanted to be somethingelse, somebody else.""Like wanting to look human?"She nodded. "I convinced myself that my father left because of theway I looked." She paused, closed her eyes. Tom could see howdifficult it was for her to speak, but she pressed on."My mother came to represent everything I hated about beingKlingon. She once told me:"'There is no honour in denying who you are, in denying yourheritage.' She was right, Tom.""So you fought her.""Yeah...I did. For years. Then she would always just look at me,with that strange sheen in her eyes. W-When I think about it now,it must have cost her an incredible effort not to lose control."She was quiet again, and pressed her face into his chest. She startedsobbing quietly, and he didn't try to stop her. He waited."We all change, Tom. I did. In the past ten years, I've come toaccept myself, who I am. You know how...how difficult it wasfor me..."He nodded, thinking about the time she had those awful bouts ofbreathlessness and she was unable to come to terms with herexperience in the Vidian prison. Her great courage to face twohalves of herself on the holodeck, how her eyes shone when she cameout and said: "I'm whole again." He knew then that B'Elanna had atlast made peace with herself, accepted her duality, and acknowledgedher heritage. She was now so proud of being Klingon."When we returned, I always meant to find her and ask her forgivenessfor the way I treated her." She looked at him then, her eyes softand sad."She was incredibly strong, Tom. The only times we could do anythingtogether, was when she trained me to fight, in the holosuites."She smiled sadly again. "She honed my skills, Tom. She was a greatfighter, far better than I could hope to be. I always thought ofher as being...being...invincible." She was quiet, and she spokeagain, looked not at Tom, but had a faraway look."Then w-when I - I heard t-that s-she was d-d - ," she struggledto get the words out, "I - I knew it was m-my punishment...that I would n-never have the chance t-to tell her..." She was quietagain, then said:"I'm not proud of the way I behaved, Tom. Not proud," she whisperedas her eyes filled with tears again."I love her, you know.""I know, sweetheart." He folded her in his arms and felt likecrying with her."I realise only now how she - she was always there. Always, Tom.I can't believe how stupid and brash I was then, rejecting her theway I did. All my anger at the way my father left, I took out onher. And-and she - she just took everything I threw at her.""B'Elanna, honey, I saw you come out there earlier, carrying thebloodstone so proudly. I think she understood your anger,sweetheart.""Yeah, she said that too. That she knew I was hurting all thetime."B'Elanna went into a burst of sobbing again, and he soothed hergently."And - and while I had an outlet, taking out my anger on her,she... I would sometimes look for her, and find in the holosuitesfighting, or in the underground caverns, standing so close tothe lava, I - I..." B'Elanna closed her eyes, at the suddenunderstanding coming to her, realising that her mother had nooutlet, no way of expressing her own anger, save for taking thoseincredible extreme risks."I always, when I was young, thought she had no feelings. ThatKlingons were s-strong and - and invincible. She never cried.Never. I assumed she didn't want to. Tom, she - she cried - forme...all the time, you know...I hurt her, Tom...I - I hurt her.S-She didn't d-deserve it. She suffered."Tom could see how agitated she became. He held her close to him,stroking her hair, kissed her brow. They had a lifetime, Godwilling, for her to tell him all about Kor'ena Torres, whom hesuspected, suffered so much. He knew too, that B'Elanna needed totalk with her father. She needed to know that his circumstanceswere extenuating."Shhh...sweetheart. Another time, you can tell me more, okay?"***********************They entered the room, hand in hand. Her father looked up, andexpectant look in his eyes as he gazed at B'Elanna. For a briefmoment she closed her eyes, then looked at him and nodded."Kor'ena," he said close to her ear, as he was still holding herin a sitting position. "B'Elanna and Tom...they are here."She opened her eyes, and looked at B'Elanna and Tom. Tom looked atthe two of them, and even though he and B'Elanna had been marriedfor years now, it still astonished him that he could almoststammer when he spoke."Mr and Mrs Torres, I - er..."Kor'ena looked at him, then at her daughter."I wish to ask for..."Tom thought later how, in those moments when he asked her parents tomarry B'Elanna, how right it sounded, how correct. How it warmedboth of them that their union was to carry the blessing of herparents. How important blessings are! He saw the look in Diego'seyes, and he could swear there were tears in them. B'Elanna lookedat her father, and said, with her old fearlessness:"I want my parents to witness the renewal of our marriage vows."But it was Kor'ena, sick as she was, who said""My children, we are honoured that you want our blessing. Thankyou."B'Elanna leaned forward and kissed her mother on her cheek, while Tomand Diego looked on, smiling. Tom knew she was still hesitant abouther father, and knew it would take a while for to accept him inher life again, if she wanted to. Diego stood up, left the room, anda few minutes later, returned, holding something in his hands."B'Elanna, your mother wore this the day we married. I know it willfit you. It was her wedding outfit."B'Elanna almost reverently took the outfit from him, and wondered.How had her father come here in the first place? She alwaysassumed they were divorced. Now...they looked as in love as she andTom was. It was almost sacred, the deep love she saw in her father'seyes as he looked at her mother."Excuse me," she said as she left the room to put the costume on.When she returned to the room again, three pairs of eyes looked ather.Tom thought how like her mother she looked in that moment, inKlingon splendour.Diego thought of the day his wife wore that same outfit, and howhis heart burst with pride for her. There was great fatherly pridein his eyes."I take it I'm to give the bride away?" he asked her."Sure, Daddy." Diego felt how his heart wanted to burst again.At least she sounded friendly this time.Kor'ena Torres looked at her beloved child, and thought how oftenshe wanted to see this day. A day that her daughter would put herjinaq round her neck and pledge her vows to her mate.B'Elanna came to kneel next to her mother, putting the amulet inKor'ena's hand. Very slowly, the sick woman's hands came upand she placed the amulet, the Chalcedony stone round B'Elanna'sneck."Thank you, Mother," B'Elanna said softly.Tom left to go to the front room again, in time to see Kahlest andWorf return with the children. They also brought Tom's duffel bag.He was going to take his bride wearing his Starfleet uniform.*********************When Elizabeth entered the room to see her Klingon grandmother atlast, she gasped in wonder. She saw the woman with her long, longhair lying on the bed, and her Grandpa, holding Grandma Torres'hand. She stood first, a little shy, until Kor'ena raised herhand slightly and said:"Come here, my child."She went closer, and when she stood at the bed, Kor'ena took herhand."Elizabeth...""How did you know my name, Grandma?""I...know...everything...puqn."Elizabeth, with her parents looking benignly on, gasped again."I was kidnapped, Grandma. But my Daddy found me. And then Owenwas born. And Grandma, did you know - " At which point Daddy tookElizabeth's hand and led her away from Grandma, whom he could seewas beginning to reel with his daughter's chatter. Diego hadmeantime taken Owen, and was holding him. He seemed not to mindwhoever was holding him, as long as he was in someone's arms."Elizabeth," Daddy said to her, just knowing how she was goingto react. "Mama and Daddy are going to get married.""But Daddy!" Elizabeth sounded outraged. "You and Mama are alreadymarried!""Yes, sweetheart," her Mama said patiently, "but today, here, Mamaand Daddy are going renew their marriage vows.""Oh.""This time, sweetie," Daddy said, "you can come to our wedding.""Really?" she gasped, her eyes going very wide.Tom left quickly to don his Starfleet uniform, fingering withpride the three pips on his collar. When he returned, Kahlest hadtaken Owen, Elizabeth was standing next to Worf. She was trulydwarfed by him, and in complete awe. She stared open mouthed at himall the time they waited for her Mommy and Grandpa to enter theroom.**********************"B'Elanna - ""Daddy - "Both started to talk, then they stopped. B'Elanna felt a littleuneasy. Her father looked at her, with so much love in his eyes,that she felt her own suddenly prick with tears. Since they'vearrived here, she wasn't yet alone with him, but know..."If nothing else, B'Elanna," noticing her hesitance, "I want youto know that I have never stopped loving you and your mother,or stopped thinking about you."His eyes held a forlorn kind of hope and supplication as he lookedat her. She looked down, her eyelids fluttering nervously, thenat him again. I can crush him in a word, she thought in completeamazement. He is utterly vulnerable. Right now, the man whosedisappearance made my life a misery, destroyed any chance of myhaving a loving relationship with my mother, who vowed he'd neverleave us, is at my mercy. And I can destroy him.Then she remembered something her mother said years ago, when shevowed then to destroy her father:"There is no honour in wanting to destroy someone who has no wayof defending himself or his actions. That is not the Klingonway. It would be cowardly, like stabbing him with his back turnedto you."She looked at Diego again. Really looked this time. Openly andwithout fear.And saw the pain.He suffered, she realised in wonder. He suffered. She saw a littlegirl, holding her daddy's hand, talking non-stop, asking a hundredquestions; she saw a little girl on her daddy, riding piggyback,laughing, while her mommy watched the two of them. She saw a littlegirl taking apart a tricorder, then looking innocently at her daddyhoping he'd fix it. She remembered the good times, the love shiningout of his eyes, and knew in that instant, that he never stoppedloving her.She moved forward, saw her father's arms opening, then hurledherself into his embrace. For a few minutes she cried wildly,his arms hugging her so tightly, his body shaking with emotion."My little Bee," he whispered brokenly."Daddy...my Daddy..." she whispered over and over, almost feverishly,until at length she found a measure of calm, and looked at him."Thank God," he said, before he bent down to kiss her forehead.Her eyes were shining."B'Elanna, before we go in, there's something you need to know,before I speak to you later again," he said softly, sadly."Your mother and I... I came back here eight years ago. We havebeen married again, since then..." He waited for that informationto sink in, before she hugged him again. She knew he would explainlater, and she was satisfied."I'm very happy, Daddy. That you were here, for her.""Come," he said, wiping her tear stained face, "no more tears. Wehave a wedding to attend."And just before they moved, she stopped again, looked at him andsaid:"I love you, Daddy."His eyes shone.***********************They entered, B'Elanna's hand on her father's arm. Tom was standingon attention, arms stiffly at his sides. On the one side, Kor'ena'sright, were now seated Kahlest holding Owen, who seemed to be atpeace with the world, and standing next to Worf, was Elizabeth. Shewas holding a flat little cushion bearing her parents' weddingbands. Worf stood and waited until Diego put his daughter's handinto Tom's. He had a sash with ornate intricately designed patterns,folded, which he wrapped round their hands, thus joining themtogether. B'Elanna realised it was the family sash of the Houseof Kor'eg."You may now say your vows," he instructed.B'Elanna stood facing Tom, stared him directly in his eyes, andstarted purring softly before she said:"jIH dok"Tom looked at her, and thought she never looked more Klingon as shedid now, her eyes full of fire and passion. He found himself growlingin response as he said:"maj dok"She smiled at him, her eyes filled with such love, her heart almostbursting as she replied:"tlinghan jIH"Worf removed the sash, and Elizabeth stepped forward, held up thelittle cushion, and her parents took the rings. Her eyes shone withsuch pleasure. Then she walked to her grandmother's side and stoodthere.Tom slipped B'Elanna's ring on her finger, and while she still heldhis hand, slipped his ring on. Then he cupped her face and kissedhis wife tenderly."I love you," he whispered to her.Elizabeth asked her grandmother: "Is she going to bite Daddy now?""Not now," grandma Torres said, in a voice that indicated: "Later".Tom and B'Elanna stepped forward, on each side of Kor'ena, and heldher hands. Then each leaned over and kissed the dying woman on hercheeks.Kor'ena Torres closed her eyes, and thought that she could not havedied a happier person than having all her loved ones by her sideat the end.Images of the past came to her, and she gave herself over to thememories of old...**********************CHAPTER EIGHTFifteen year old Kor'ena Kor'eg stood in the hall of their home onKronos, while her mother, Nur'ea looked at her. She had in her handthe Chalcedony stone, the bloodstone amulet that had been in herfamily for generations. Nur'ea was about to hand over the jinaq toher only daughter."Kor'ena," Nur'ea said to her, "you are now of an age to take amate. I am giving you this stone, because you are ready.""Mother, I am only fifteen. What must I do with a mate now? I surelydo not need one now.""Perhaps not, Kor'ena. But you are ready. Even if you don't wanta mate at this point.""I'll wait as long as possible, Mother.""There is no harm in that, be'Hom, but let me tell you, when theman comes along that you want, you are not going to wait. Believeme."Kor'ena looked at her mother, whose grey eyes she inherited. Shehad great trust in this wise woman. She took the amulet and almostreverently placed it around her neck. She knew that she was stillyoung and...."I know all you want to do these days, is fight, Kor'ena. Youare developing into a fine warrior, maybe even a great warrior someday." It was as if her mother could read her thoughts."But I like combat, Mother. Martial arts. I like to pit my strengthagainst the strongest of the warriors.""You are also a woman. That is why you need to study at the ScienceInstitute, do something other than indulging in war games, Kor'ena.I worry about you.""Mother, do not worry. I shall meet the right mate one day. I'llknow him when I meet him. I shall have to be in love with him, ofcourse.""Of course.""Or I won't take a man."Kor'ena had a and-that-is-that look in her eyes, one that saidand-not-before-that.The day she the tall, black haired, brown eyed Diego Torres she knewwhat her mother meant by "you will know in an instant when that mancomes along. That is how I met and married your father."She knew her fate was sealed forever when Diego looked at her, hisdesire almost unmasked. She fell in love in that moment, and knew,that even if he never showed any interest in her, there would be noother man for her. No other man. Of that she was utterly convinced.Although Nur'ea Kor'eg demurred only a little because Diego was ahuman,"It is very clear to us, Kor'ena, that you have given your heartto this man. We know that you will love and cherish him. He willbe your mate for life."They were married a month later, taking Klingon marriage vowsin the presence of her parents. She knew or sensed that Diegohad family commitments, and she understood the sense of familyunity in any person. She was a Klingon, raised to honour theimportance of the family name and traditions."Diego," she said to him, not long after they were married andliving on Kessik IV, "I am with child." She felt almost shytelling him, falling pregnant so soon.He had been working with some rock samples he brought home,and he looked at her. Dropping the rock he held in his hand, anddropping his jaw. She smiled at his look of surprise.Diego walked to her, picked her up high, and swung her around,shouting:"I've done it!""Diego! Put me down, you pig! And what do you mean you've done it?""Tied you to me forever, Kor'ena."The moment he put her down she kissed him feverishly, saying:"Never leave me, Dee." She had come to calling him that sometimes."My love, you are mine forever," he murmured into her luxuriant hair.**********************The sick woman stirred, trying to raise herself again. Her husbandwas now sitting next to her, holding her hand, stroking it gently."Diego...""My love...""B'Elanna...you must have...patience...my love. She loves you..."B'Elanna, sitting on the other side, closed her eyes momentarily,feeling again the great remorse, at seeing her mother even now,speaking in her defense. She looked at her father, a new sheen in hereyes, then at her mother. She smoothed Kor'ena's hair gently awayfrom her face, then kissed her brow. She looked deep into hermother's eyes and said simply:"It is well, Mother."Kor'ena looked at her husband, then at B'Elanna, and saw what shehoped to see. B'Elanna looking at her father with love. She sighedthen fell into her musings again."B'Elanna." came Tom's voice softly behind her, "Kahlest and I aretaking the children to her house. They will stay there until wecome for them."B'Elanna understood. She also saw a new Tom, no longer so paranoidthat his children would be abducted or hurt. It had been his greatestfear these last months. She nodded, knowing he trusted Kahlest,and knowing that the next few hours would be last they would spendwith Kor'ena.**********************Almost from the day baby B'Elanna was born, she could see how Diegoloved this child to distraction. He did everything for his littleBee, as he affectionately called her. She was a unique combinationof them both, in features and in her nature. Although mostlyKlingon in features, she displayed many human traits, like bawlingher eyes out. It fascinated Kor'ena, to see this Klingon childshedding tears. She herself could not do that, but in the yearsthat followed she cried enough times silently, in the privacyof her bedroom, sobbed dryly for her lost love.She sensed from the beginning that Diego missed his family. By thetime B'Elanna was five, it had become the central point of alltheir arguments. They were heated. Most of the time they fought.Being almost stronger than Diego, she had him by the throat oneevening, she snarled and growled, choking him, when they heardB'Elanna screaming. That stopped them. But the fighting continued.And always it was the same."You can come with me, Kor'ena. How difficult can it be?""I don't fit in, Dee. Look at me. Already I can see the childrenmaking fun of B'Elanna. No, I'll not go with you. It is difficultenough here, as it is.""I need my wife and child with me, my love," he would coax her."Diego, I would never ask you to choose. I - I know you alwaysthink of me as strong, but I - I am afraid. I don't mix well withyour parents, Dee. I am too exotic for them, too strange. My habitsare strange and my customs are foreign.""Kor'ena," he asked softly, sitting on the bed next to her, "doyou love me?""Dee, you know I worship you," she said softly, and a little sadly."Then come with me, my love. I can't exist without my wife andchild."This he said as he embraced her so tenderly, she felt the old urgeto cry, and instead, just gave a dry, soft sobbing sound.Over the next weeks she was so tempted to make the move with him.So tempted. He had managed to wear her resistance down convincingher that he would be their buffer, absorbed all their fears andapprehensions at feeling different. But just as many times thefear became bigger than her Klingon courage. She may not have beenhuman, but her feelings were like anyone else's. Then she wouldbecome deeply despondent, thinking about her B'Elanna, who wasalready starting to question them on why she didn't look like Diego.She had feeling of foreboding that B'Elanna would struggle with whatshe always called her Klingon trouble.Then she would tell Diego."I wish to stay here, on Kessik IV, Dee. At least here, the peopleare used to seeing me. Used to me and B'Elanna."He would constantly parry her objections, and at times she felt herefused to take her legitimate fears into account, as if theydidn't matter.Their lovemaking in these months became something of a desperation.As if they had a presentiment that their marriage was beginning tocrumble. She would mark him so fiercely, he would scream out in realpain, then he would take her so roughly, she would bear the scars fordays. Other times he would be so sweetly gentle with her, he wouldsob brokenly afterwards, and she, unable to shed tears, would beracked by a dry, painful sobbing coming deep from her chest. When didshe start to hyperventilate so? she thought with anguish. Was it thefear, the very idea that she would eventually lose her husband? Shetrained herself rigorously in these times to control her breathing,particularly when they had one of their arguments. In retrospect,she was glad of this self-imposed regimen, for it would help her copewith B'Elanna.Indeed, the bliss of their marriage in the earlier years of theirunion, turned into what she came call to the blisters of their=20marriage. For by that time there were so many, she wondered how=20they were going to heal. And always, always in the middle of their=20stormy encounters, their arguments, their obsessive, and she=20admitted, their misguided pride, was B'Elanna. Who suffered, who bore=20the brunt of these two adults who refused to settle their differences=20for the sake of their child. It pained her. To see her little girl,=20the fear so evident in her face, that her parents did not likeone another anymore.Then one day Diego asked her to take B'Elanna with him, to Earth,to his people, permanently. Saying how there would be greatereducational opportunities for their already intelligent andprecocious daughter.She struggled to maintain her composure, not wanting to give into her Klingon rage which she felt at that moment like explodinginto. She was not going to give him the pleasure of seeing herlose control, albeit in legitimate Klingon fashion. Already hewas using it as ammunition against her. So she fumed for a minutebefore she said:"Over my dead body," so calmly, she was herself surprised. And thatwas when she knew for a fact that she was losing her husband. Hewas slipping away.Yet he left her with an opening. He was going to let her know, beforethe end of one Earth month. Why did she ever concede to that? shewondered years later. Why didn't she fight for him? And that was whenshe began to doubt the principles of her Klingon upbringing, thevaunted Klingon pride and honour with which she was raised, to liveand breath. Her parents' and grandparents' stock phrases:"there is no honour in this, no honour in that..."No honour in fighting for your man, your beloved, and thereforeyour life?Her last words to him: "If I don't hear from you in a month, Iknow you will have made your decision, Diego."They lied to her and they lied to him.And destroyed the lives of two young people who had the right tohappiness, destroyed a five year old little girl who cried for herfather for months. When B'Elanna stopped crying, she becamedifferent.She changed.**********************B'Elanna.My angry child.At five B'Elanna had started school, already aware that she wasdifferent, looked different and convinced not many people liked her.At five B'Elanna had to cope with losing her beloved Daddy, whopromised her he'd return, and had to cope with being unlike theother, mostly human children. Kor'ena realised in these yearsthat to blame her class mates, and the tenuous hold she had on theprecious few friendships, was an exercise in futility. Children,in their very child-like innocence did not even realise how cruelthey were when they asked B'Elanna pointed questions, like:"When is your Daddy gonna come back?""Your Daddy is human. Why do you look different?""I'm scared of your mother, B'Elanna. She looks weird.""Maybe it's because you don't look like you Daddy, that's why heleft.""I'll tell my Mommy you bit me, B'Elanna.""Mrs Torres, you'd better keep your daughter in line before shebreaks any more noses." That was the principal of the school.***Kor'ena stirred at these thoughts, feeling even now the pain ofdefending her child. Diego and B'Elanna heard her soft moan:"You...do...not...understand. My daughter...is...hurting...""Mother, please," B'Elanna tried to calm her, then whispered:"I don't hurt anymore, Mother...""She is...angry...Diego...""Shhh...my love, everything is alright now."Then she would sag back again, her breathing now erratic; and theyknew she was now in a world where they could not enter.***********************In those years B'Elanna coped by taking out every angry outburst,all her hurting on her, Kor'ena. If Kor'ena, as a volatile Klingonever learned to be stoic and longsuffering, it was B'Elanna whodrove her sometimes to the brink of madness.And in all her daughter's raging against her mother for the wayher father left her, there remained in Kor'ena the never-endingquivering longing for her husband.Soon after he left, she received a message, which, because theyparted with such acrimony, she believed. Diego she never evenknew, was engaged to Elena Manchest. Ricco Torres, on his son'sbehalf, informed her Diego was to be married within two weeks.How could she tell Diego then that she was pregnant again? A boyhe had been longing for?How they lied. And how she believed them! And all that stood in theway of her future happiness with her husband and child, was herstupid Klingon pride which prevented her from groveling, humblingherself and begging to have her husband back.Yes, she believed them. She believed them.And gave up her husband.Lost her baby.Destroyed her chance at happiness, and destroyed her child.And for seventeen bitter years, she never stopped punishing herselffor that decision she made in blind rage.To let her husband go.**********************B'Elanna growing up tested her like no other. Kor'ena had taken herRite of Ascension at the age of thirteen, then renewed it when shewas twenty three, just before she mer Diego. B'Elanna's treatmentof her was more painful than the painsticks she endured then.Because they pierced her heart. Everytime.Once she went looking for her, when she was five. She had onlydiscovered the previous day that she was pregnant again, andwas going to tell B'Elanna of her little baby brother. She eventuallyfound her in the caverns, sitting on the edge of the lava flow. Shepicked up the distraught child, walked all the way home, carryingher, and then spent the entire night singing lullaby's to her."I hate you! I hate Daddy!" she screamed one day when she was almostten, after Kor'ena had reason to admonish her daughter."be'Hom, you are angry. It will go over.""I don't want to do it, it's too, too...Klingon!" she screamed oneday. Kor'ena felt the knife drive deep into her heart. B'Elannahad started to hate everything Klingon, wore non-cultural clothing,tried to hide her forehead with scarves and caps."B'Elanna, puqn, you cannot deny who you are. Perhaps not now, butone day, you will realise that.""I know I don't want to do Klingon things. I am part human, afterall.""I know child. But there are traits in you that you cannot change.Klingon traits," she persisted."No - ! No - !"Then B'Elanna would erupt into a bout of wild sobbing, screamingfor her father, even years later. She would go to her daughter'sroom, and soothe her, sing lullaby's to her, even then."I miss him, Mama."Kor'ena would sigh. "Yes...I know my child."As she grew older B'Elanna distanced herself more and more from hermother, thinking that Kor'ena did not understand her. Kor'ena,proud Klingon woman became almost afraid to mention anything thatwould smell of Klingon rituals or culture. Yet, these were thingsKor'ena drilled into her daughter, even as she knew B'Elannahated it."You have to know things about your heritage, be'Hom," she wouldtell B'Elanna, who would look at her belligerently, her eyessmouldering with anger. It gratified her that B'Elanna showed aninterest, albeit rather grudgingly, in Klingon martial arts. Sheappeared fascinated by it. The day B'Elanna picked up the bat'leth,trying not to let Kor'ena see her do it, she said:"You want to learn the martial arts, puqn?"B'Elanna, not into vocal expression whenever Kor'ena wanted her todo anything, just stood there mute, then nodded."Good," Kor'ena said, "we start next week."Kor'ena treasured these weekly visits with B'Elanna to the holosuites.It was the only time her daughter would smile at her, giving her oneof her rare flashes, showing those pearly white even teeth. Herfather's teeth. Then they would be almost friends. It was painful forher to see her teenage daughter struggle with her emotions, hatingher mother one moment, not hating her the next, hating herself onemoment, and not liking anything much about herself at anytime.If B'Elanna at anytime came to accept the way she looked, she nevermade peace with the twin aspects of her nature. Her duality. LikeKor'ena, but for different reasons, B'Elanna sought not to showher Klingon side, as she termed it. She thought she scared peopleoff with her fierce, brusque responses, her sudden outbursts oftemper, the tendency to lash out and break things.B'Elanna developed into a fine fighter, who could have been betterif she weren't so angry."Don't think for one moment this will make me change my mind aboutliking all this Klingon stuff," she used to say.Then right in that moment Kor'ena, wielding her bat'leth felt likecutting B'Elanna down."This could save your life, be'Hom.""Or destroy it," B'Elanna would taunt in defiance, giving hermother an insolent look.That was when she would mentally train herself to remain in controland not kill B'Elanna. The one thought uppermost in Kor'ena's mindwas: she is hurting...she is hurting...remember that she's hurting.So for years the two of them danced carefully around each other. Shetried desperately not to let her daughter see how she was hurt,by B'Elanna's unceasing knife-plunging attacks on her, and her ownunceasing longing for her husband. While she allowed B'Elanna to ventall her rage, her hurt on her mother, she herself found very littleoutlet, except...except...The day B'Elanna left for the Academy, after she had thrown thebloodstone in her mother's face, was the day Kor'ena Torresfinally broke.She spent the rest of that day in the holosuites of Kessik IV.***********************CHAPTER NINEKor'ena woke again, and Diego, B'Elanna and Tom, who had returnedcould see how she had weakened. Yet she still became agitated, asshe tried to look at he wall behind her. That was when Tom suggestedthey removed the bat'leth and placed it on the bed, with Kor'ena'shands resting on the hand-holds.The she sighed again, murmuring now."Sword of Honour. Carve your... name... with... pride."The she would look feverishly at B'Elanna."Bring honour... B'Elanna.""Yes...Mother," B'Elanna whispered. B'Elanna took Kor'ena's handgently and let it traverse over the blade of the bat'leth."It is yours now...B'Elanna.""I will bring honour to our name, Mother."***********************She missed Diego. So much, it registered as a sharp, physical painaround her heart, constantly. Years later she still marveled that shecould hide her own pain, her own constant longing, from herdaughter.B'Elanna never knew how she, Kor'ena struggled, and coped. AsB'Elanna grew older, so it became more difficult. In the beginningshe spent all her time helping her distraught daughter throughher most traumatic periods. Night after night, B'Elanna would cryherself to sleep. She would enter her bedroom, touch her littlegirl's ridges so softly and sing her favourite ancient Klingonlullaby's to her.All the time her hopeless longing for her husband, married toanother, a constant pain in her heart. B'Elanna became more and moreantagonistic towards her, and great Kahless knew, she understoodher daughter's pain, for she had the same pain.On those occasions she waited for B'Elanna to go to school, thenshe headed for the holosuites...*********Kor'ena looked at her two Klingon foes. In battle costume theyappeared ferocious, ready to close in for the kill. In a bizarreway, one of them almost looked like Diego. Then she fumed."Advance, p'taQ!""Surrender, or die!""Never!"She moved forward with cat-like grace, her bat'leth held as if itwere weightless, her eyes held a murderous glint. For a moment one ofthe Klingon's faces changed, and it looked like..."Diego...die - !"Kor'ena swung her weapon with effortless ease, hit the warriordirect against his chest, the two points of the blade sinking indeep. But it's not over. The second Klingon closed in, to protecthis comrade."No - !" she screamed as she pulled the bat'leth away from "Diego"and lunged for his friend."Die - !!" she screamed again as he advanced on her, and swung hisweapon, feeling the tremendous whacking sound it made againstKor'ena's sword. For a fleeting moment, he now assumed Diego'sface, and she felt the rage exploding within her as she thrust hissword away from him, and fell upon him, yanking out her d'k tahgand stabbing him repeatedly in the chest, grunting and snarling,on and on until she was spent.She fell on her knees beside the figure, her head thrown back andfelt the dry, racking sob starting from deep inside her, buildingand building until she screamed in agony as it expelled from herthroat. It was followed by a desperate, anguished howl, that didn'tseem to stop. Because imprinted on her brain, was the image of aman's face that just wouldn't go away."I shall conquer this," she vowed everytime, "I shall conquerthis."On other occasions she wasn't so lucky. She never bothered with thesafety protocols. They were always off. The greater the risk, thegreater the challenge and the danger, she always thought. It was inkeeping with her Klingon character.Then she suffered injuries, like one of her livers or kidneys orspleens ruptured. She had been stabbed once with a d'k tahg throughone of her hearts..."Mrs Torres," Dr Roux admonished her once, "one more stab throughthis heart, and you will have serious health problems later. Thatwas besides all the external gashes, cutting deep, to the bone,because for a few critical seconds, Diego's face flashed beforeher and she lost concentration.Once she neglected to see the doctors at Kessik IV's medicalfacility. She went home, her wound sustained to her stomach, quitesevere with blood oozing slowly through where her fingers weresplayed across her stomach. She crawled that night into bed, in painrefusing to acknowledge it. She fabricated a story for B'Elanna,who went straight to her room again, preparing for some paper.The pain was raging, She made no effort to find at least some relief.It was as though she welcomed the pain."Oh great Kahless, I need the pain. I need it. Then I won't feelthe other pain," she pleaded desperately.She forced herself to focus on the physical pain that burned throughher body, to blot out the pain in her heart.She pressed her lips together tightly, but lying on her back in bedin her darkened room, she was unable to contain herself, and groanedout loud as a wave of stinging pain hit her mid-section. She clutchedher stomach as she tried to subdue it.*****B'Elanna saw how Kor'ena's hands suddenly clutched the hand-holdsof the bat'leth, folding together as if holding her stomach inpain."Pain...let me forget... great Kahless.""Mother," came B'Elanna's anguished voice as Diego looked at hera question in his eyes. B'Elanna's eyes filled with tears. Tom heldher shoulders in a comforting gesture. He could feel her shouldersshaking as she started sobbing quietly."I'm h-here M-Mother...to help you...""Do...not...worry, puqn," Kor'ena whispered, her eyes now open,looking first at B'Elanna, then at Diego."I will take care of you, Mother..." B'Elanna soothed. Kor'ena lookedat her with fevered eyes."No - no...doctor...""Yes, you do, Mother. Come, let me take you..."By this time both Tom and Diego sensed Kor'ena was reliving someexperience in which B'Elanna had been with her at the time."B'Elanna?" her father queried after Kor'ena was settled again."I - " she started, "I was sixteen, I think. I was studying in myroom when I...hear her moaning." Tom could see how agitated shewas becoming, how she started breathing erratically."She - she was lying on her bed, clutching her stomach, like she didjust now. I - " She paused. "Earlier that day I - " She closed hereyes, remembering her mother's awful pain. "I - was particularlyhard on her that day." B'Elanna couldn't bring herself to lookeither Tom or her father in the eye, her eyes cast down when shesaid:"I accused her o-of d-driving Daddy away from us...""B'Elanna, it's okay. You don't have to talk," her father said,putting his hand on her cheek."You - you don't understand, Daddy." She looked with desperatelyunhappy eyes at Diego, then at Tom."Until that day, I never realised that her way of finding an outletwas to fight in the holosuites, several Klingons at a time, with thesafeties off. I just never noticed when she appeared tired. I alwaysassumed it was from work." B'Elanna remembered how her mother looked,the swear pouring from her face, trying not to cry out in pain."She - when I went to her...she - ""Shhh...it's okay, sweetheart," Tom said to her, seeing how her handswere trembling."No - I must speak, Tom. When I went to her, I - I had never seenher like that. She had been fighting, with the safeties off. Therewere two deep stab wounds in her stomach...she was bleeding..."I didn't know. I didn't know...I guess I didn't care enough atthe time. I didn't know, Daddy...I'm sorry.""B'Elanna, knowing your mother, I know she would never have wantedyou to worry. It was her way of protecting you. She knew you hadam important paper to finish that night.""She didn't want to go to hospital, Daddy. She - she s-said sheneeded the pain.""Sweetheart, look at me, please. Your mother is the most courageousperson I have ever known. Please, do not distress yourself now.I'd like to tell you everything after I found her again. Perhapsthen you'll understand."B'Elanna looked at her father, saw the compassion in his eyes."Thank you, Daddy," she said softly, then on a more threateningnote:"I'll hold you to your promise. I want to know...everything..."There was a forlorn sound to her voice."Everything," she whispered again.*********************There is nothing left for me here on Kessik IV, great Kahless, shespoke silently, looking at the red hot molten lava, flowing slowlypast her. She stretched her hands out in supplication, wishing shecould see the great Warrior."I gave up my family, I failed them, oh Kahless," she pleaded."There is no honour in me."The heat of the lava was so intense, it burned her skin, she wasstanding so closed to it. It tested her strength, her will power,She felt sweat running down her face, yet she stood, edging evencloser. She defied her own rational thought, knowing how perilousit was. One slip. One slip and she'd be gone forever.What is left? I must go home, home...home...like a dog, tailbetween the legs, go home and lick my wounds.It was no better on Kronos.It was worse.The happiest times of her life ever, were here, those few weeks ofbliss, with no thought of the future, not having to count the costs,of total freedom were spent here. With Diego.**************"Diego...""Shhh...my love," her husband whispered. He looked at B'Elanna andthen at Tom, and nodded his head. Worf, who had been standing in theback of the room, nodded his affirmation. They could see now howKor'ena was nearing the end.B'Elanna leaned forward, her hand gently on her mother's brow. Shestarted to sing, very softly, the same lullaby Kor'ena had sungso often for her:"IoQ puqn IoQ puqn,Qong DaH wIj IoQ puqnnIHv Iij SoS tlqoy maH Iiq notmej"Tom had his hand still on B'Elanna's shoulder, he recognised thelullaby she herself sang to Elizabeth and Owen. He looked atKor'ena, saw her hands slowly losing its grip on the bat'leth lyingon her bosom. He very gently extricated it and placed it back on itsbrackets. The candles burned very low now, the flames becominglong tongues licking the sombre air, the little whorls of smoke everrising. Every single movement recorded on the walls, shadows moving,moving, moving.Kor'ena stirred again. She saw images. B'Elanna's first steps,her first teeth, her first words. B'Elanna greedily sucklingat her breast. Diego kissing her and massaging her feet. B'Elannasmiling the day she could pick up the bat'leth at last. Diegoswinging her in the air the day she told him of her pregnancy;B'Elanna saying: "I shall be a warrior one day"; B'Elanna showingher report cards, topping the class once again, Diego looking upfrom his work and smiling at her, his love in his eyes; B'Elannacrying, no one asked her to the prom; Diego looking at her, saying:"Mark me...I love you..."They were the pleasantest dreams.Then she saw herself at the edge of the lava flow.Great Kahless, I am a coward. I deserve not to live. She felt herselfpitching forward."Kor'ena!"She stopped, turned, heard a voice she hadn't heard in seventeenyears. She looked."Diego?""Yes...it's me, Kor'ena. They lied to us, Kor'ena. They lied...they lied...they lied..."It sounded as though the walls of the caverns echoed his words.A litany.Her life began again."I love you, Kor'ena. Take me back, Kor'ena.""I love you, Diego."*******************They saw Kor'ena, her eyes now open, looking at each of them inturn."Tom...never leave her... love her always...""I love you, Mother.""Go well, B'Elanna, my daughter." She raised her hand weakly andrested it on B'Elanna's hand. Then she looked at her husband."My love...my love..." She placed her hands on his."My Kor'ena..." he whispered hoarsely."It...is...well...Diego. It...is...well..."Her eyes remained open. For a time the gurgling rattle in her throatcontinued. Then she moved her lips again:"Kahless...""Sto...vo...kor..."They were not even aware that the rattling breathing had stopped, butsaw her give one last, soft sigh. Then her body stilled at last. Fora few seconds there was complete silence, then the howling started.Holding Kor'ena's hands, B'Elanna and her father started to howl,long and keening, then Worf joined in and finally Tom, who feltthe tears seeping from his eyes. He understood in these moments,when he heard B'Elanna howl at Palings, how deep the emotionswere.They stopped. Only then Diego leaned forward, and gently closedhis wife's eyes.Tom took B'Elanna gently by her shoulders, urged her from her seat.Worf also rose and left the room quietly. A great comrade is gonenow, he thought. A great warrior."Come, sweetheart. Your Dad needs to be alone with her right now."They moved towards the door. In the doorway Tom looked back onelast time.Only the candles next to the bed were burning now. He saw Diegowhere he was still sitting, now leaning over his wife, his armsin an embrace around her still form. His face in her neck, one handcupping her cheek, They lay like that, in silhouette, their shadowsthrown against the wall. The shadows danced, the light of theremaining candles reflected on the sword of honour hanging againstthe wall, so that the sword appeared to be moving, in morbidbattle sequence, joining the shadows with haunting cadence in their=20Dance of Death. ******************** THE END POST TENEBRAS LUXVeronica Jane Williamsxkhoi@iafrica.comHow did you like my story? Please let me know. Any commentswould be welcomed.Check out the whole DESIDERATUM SAGA (Where it all started) onmy page:http://www.angelfire/ca/cheile/ronnie.htmlCheck out my poetry page at this site:http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Station/8031/poetry.htmlAUTHOR'S NOTE: (1)The Chalcedony Stone: the bloodstone I've used in the storyfor the amulet (jinaq) does in fact exist. A gemstone foundmostly in the region of Turkey.AUTHOR'S NOTE: (2)I have tried to the best of my ability to give the correct Klingonexpression and spelling in the story. For those not familiar withthe Klingon:Affection:puqn - childbe'Hom - girlSoS - motherSoSnl'n - grandmotherThe marriage oathjIH dok - my bloodmaj dok - our bloodtlinghan jIH - I am a KlingonThe lullabyThe source of the lullaby: It was originally written in theAfrikaans language, by South African poet C.J Langenhoven.The music to which the words were written, was composed by EmielHulleboreck, of Holland.I have translated the poem (loosely) into English, and from there(in part) into Klingon.Here is the English Translation of the lullaby:"Little child, little child,Slumber my little childStealing your mother's heartDearest, we'll never partHear the soft whisper of winds through the rustling leaves,Gently, oh gently they sway o'er the little streamsSleep softly, little Bee,Daddy will come and seeHow the wind sings to the petals and swaying leaves." C.J. Langenhoven Translated by: Veronica Jane WilliamsNext: Diego's Story: The Missing Years