Standard Disclaimers apply.

Summary: A humor fic that takes place right at the end of "Blowing Up is Hard to Do", which I guess would mean that there's spoilers to that episode. Oh yeah, spoiler to "Saint Nick," too. Gary rejoices as Erica is gone! Expect major out-of-characterness here!

~~~~~~~~~~~
Return of the Evil Erica
by Paper Caper

 "Woo hoo!" Gary jumped for joy after reading Erica's letter. Noticing the many faces at the train station staring at him, he cleared his throat and walked away.

***-***-***

"So," Gary approached Marissa as he gleefully strolled into  McGinty's. "Did Erica buy the act?"

Marissa took a sip of her coffee. "Yep," she said. "I kinda feel bad for Henry though. Poor kid. He has to live with an evil con artist for a mother."

Looking solemnly at the floor, Gary replied. "Yeah...We tried everything to keep that kid here..." Suddenly he snapped out of his depressed mood and became joyous again. "But at least Erica's gone!"

"True," Marissa smirked.

Gary looked at the office door yearningly. "Uh, excuse me," he said as he headed toward it. "I, uh, think I need something in the office!" he called to Marissa, entering the office.

"Finally!" he thought with excitement as he closed the door. Gary pushed the desk aside, revealing a hidden door. He grabbed a key and opened the door, an enormous safe inside. "Muahahahaha!" he laughed maliciously as he cracked  the lock, darts pouring everywhere from out of the safe. Feeling he couldn't contain himself any longer, Gary grabbed a few dozen darts and hurled them at the horrifyingly ugly poster of Erica that Erica has just **insisted** that they hang up. Well, at least it was good for something  - dart practice.

***-***-***

"Woah, Mister H!" Patrick announced as Gary walked down to the bar, white as a ghost.

Marissa sensed Gary's mood. "What happened??"

"I-" Gary stuttered. "I had the worst dream last night."

Raising her eyebrows, Marissa implied that he continue.

"Well," Gary swallowed nervously. "I had a dream Erica returned."

The whole bar gasped.

"And she was running after me, carrying this huge-" he paused in fear. "-this huge-- bar of lipstick!"

"Oh no, Gary!" Marissa said, shocked. "You must be scarred for life!"

Before Gary had a chance to answer, a knock at the door of McGinty's echoed. "AAH!" he screamed in a high-pitched voice. "She's back!! Don't answer the door until I take cover!" Looking frantically for a good hiding place, he hid  behind the first thing possible - a tiny plant on the bar counter.

"Should I let her in?" Patrick asked.

Gary winced. "Just get it over with!"

"Okay--." Patrick took a deep breath, then opened the door.

Without giving Patrick a chance to let her in, Erica stormed in, heading straight towards Gary.

"GAH!" Gary impulsively shouted in fear.

Erica put on a fake smile. "Hello, sweetie," she said to Gary, who was still behind the plant.

"Uh--uh--.uh--.Hello, Erica," Gary endeavored to act casual.

"How have you been lately, Daniel?" Erica asked, her fake smile about to give way.

"Daniel?" Gary looked around in confusion.

"Drat," Erica snapped her fingers. "I gotta get my ex-boyfriends sorted out. You're Brian, right?"

"Guess again," Gary frowned. "Gary, remember?"

"Not really--" Erica muttered under her breath, but the whole bar still heard her.

"So," Gary stepped up from behind the plant and folded his arms. "What brings you to Chicago?"

"I got kicked out of my town and this job paid more anyway!" Erica slipped. "I mean, um, I missed you, sweetie!" She reapplied her phony smile.

"Uh--.where's Henry?" Gary asked, trying to avoid the subject of rehiring Erica.

"Oh, well, he called the police on me- uh, I mean he called the police on a kid that stole his lunch money. So he's in the hospital after such a tragedy," she said giddily.

[I'll bet] Gary thought. [You sure he's not in rehab after suffering from **you**?]

"Well, down to business," Erica pushed Gary aside and stormed into the office.

"Uh-oh!" Gary frantically followed Erica into the office.

"EEK!" Erica shrieked. "My beautiful poster!"

"Oh, um--um.." Gary stared at the mangled poster of Erica that he'd recently used for dart practice. "The cat got at it."

"Well!" Slighted by this, Erica pulled out another picture of herself. "It's a picture of me from when I was a kid, but it'll have to do," she said, hanging it up.

"Funny," Gary looked at Erica's brown roots and then at the picture of her, with dark hair. "I always thought you were a natural blonde," he lied.

"Of course I'm a natural blonde!" Erica snapped the picture off the wall, pretending to examine it. She sneakily disclosed a yellow crayon from her pocket and colored in her in the picture hair with it. "See," she said, hanging it up. "I've always been a blonde."

"I didn't know they had yellow in black and white pictures," Gary caught Erica's ditzy mistake.

"Humph!" Erica grabbed the phone. "Fine, if you don't wanna be with me, I'll call Nick. He asked me to marry him, right?" She dialed his number.

"Nick Sterling," a voice answered from the other end.

"Hello, Nick, sweetie," Erica said. "This is Erica Paget. I'm back in Chicago! I'll marry you now!"

"Um, what?" Nick flatly replied. "I didn't asked Erica **Paget** to marry me! I asked Erica **Smythe** to marry me, and we are happy married **thank you very much**," he hung up.

"Fine, be that way!!!" Erica screamed at the dial tone. "I tried Chicago, no one likes me, I tried New York, I was arrested too many times! What's next?"

"Jail?" Gary asked.

"I'm off to--I'm off to--Boston!" Erica screeched, trampling out of McGinty's. And so she was gone. For now--
 
 

Email the author:  CharCareBear@aol.com
 

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