"Incredible Lightness of Being: that feeling that is a part of the human spirit, that ingrained nature within us that knows when something is right and just."
Fallen, a vine wrapped around a rose, they lay in a whirlwind of mussed clothes and tangled limbs. It would look like something from a bad movie if someone were to walk into her room right now. It would look like two teenagers in flagrante, too stupid even to close the door all the way much less lock it. But the funny part - if you absolutely had to find something funny in the midst of her world collapsing- was that they'd simply fallen asleep in each other's arms. Fully dressed, no less, despite being a bit disheveled; his flannel hanging off the night table, his undershirt un-tucked and her skirt askew, their shoes had been abandoned downstairs.
She forced herself to stay awake and watched him dream, consuming every sleepy sigh as if it would be the last image of him she would have. Normally she hated sleeping on her side, found it uncomfortable and unbalanced but tonight wasn't for sleeping; she'd have the rest of her life for that. Tonight was for watching Clark as blue-silver moonlight touched his face. He was at rest, finally, having given into exhaustion; his body becoming warm and pliant in her arms.
The secret, nave part of her that she kept hidden wished for it to last forever while the more cynical, worldly part of her knew he'd be gone soon. Knew that when he woke he'd regret coming to her, and he'd run back to his family and Lana and all the safety they provided. She felt the tickle of his eyelashes against her throat. Looking down, she saw his eyes, large and luminous and afraid; a mirror of her own.
"Is it morning?" his voice was sleepy and languid and felt like liquid butter. She shook her head fighting back tears that threatened as part of her wailed in despair her heart cracking under his serious gaze.
"Tomorrow's a long way off still, go back to sleep." Whatever he saw in her expression seemed to reassure him. He said something into her flesh that she couldn't quite make out, and his hand covered hers resting over his heart pulling her closer. Chloe's eyesight dimmed. All she could see was him, all she could feel was his touch, and the world around them grew gray and unreal. All she wanted was him, in this single illicit moment. Her heart was hammering fit to burst, every nerve tingling as his fingers twined with hers and she felt the walls she'd gradually been erecting crumble.
"I can hear your heart beating." His mouth moved slightly, as if the aftertaste of his statement was peculiar. But for once he didn't clam up and after a moment he kept on talking, forcing the words through his instinctive defenses with obvious difficulty. His only concession to self-preservation was the way his eyes dropped to stare at their entwined fingers as he spoke. "It makes you seem so fragile the way it flutters and catches on your breath; so human. I'm scared you'll break. Scared you'll get hurt and end up afraid of me. I don't think I could handle that."
His words were whisper soft against her throat and Chloe closed her eyes, not because she was afraid to hear him but because she wanted to feel the texture of the moment without distraction. It was like sunshine through fog; its beauty and warmth were clouded by the fear and guilt that wracked her. Reality was never as perfect as the imagination. And when she opened her eyes her vision was blurred with tears.
"I knew the moment I saw you that you were going to hurt me I wanted you too much the same way I've always felt aboput my mother. I knew you were different but I never imagined something like this; something so huge and secret that you could never share it. I couldn't live like that, thank you for trusting me."
"I didn't have a choice," Cautiously he raised his gaze to hers and what she saw there was overwhelming; his naked hope and openness shook her. "I'm glad that it happened, if someone had to know I'm glad it was you." She'd never seen him risk himself like that, not for her, not for anyone except maybe Lana. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. She squeezed his hand and could think of nothing to say but the unadorned truth.
"I'll never turn my back on you Clark. Whatever secret you share will never be enough to push me away. I love you because of who you are inconsistencies and secrets included." It was as if her words released him from the fear that was holding him back. Warm fingers around the back of her head, threading through her hair, his lips parted and a soft sound escaped as the last restraint snapped and he rolled onto his back and pulled her over him. Not rough, not gentle; but like coming home and flying into space all at once as she looked down at him.
"I can't promise anything more than right now," he said gazing at her, brushing her hair away so he could see her eyes. Chloe trembled at the warm caress, her body coiled so tight in anticipation that she could barely move.
"I don't care." She moved against him in a slow silky glide and he moaned deep in his throat as she sank against him and grabbed her for support as they careened out of control.
"You will tomorrow," he pushed her away and glanced at the window as if he could already see dawn lightening the sky. She ran her fingers over his face turning it away from the window and kissed him lightly, the touch gentle and bittersweet.
"If all I get is this moment, it will be enough; but if you're going to regret it, if it's going to push you away again then we stop it now," she slipped from his grasp and padded across the room pausing at the partially open door. "I know what I feel, what I need from you. You decide what you need;" she felt ripped open waiting in the silence as he considered her words, all her defenses abandoned when she admitted the truth she'd been living with since the day they had met.
"Right now I need you." He followed her across the room and wrapped his hand around the edge of the door easing it closed and caging her against it in one smooth motion as his lips closed over hers again gently consuming her with the force of his emotion.
"That'll have to be enough." She breathed the words into his mouth and tightened her grip on him. The moment crashed over them both like thunder; all thought, all reason was lost beneath the relentless momentum of the kiss as it careened swiftly out of control. He was everywhere at once, his lips on her face, her throat; his hands in her hair. She found him too, hot flesh under his t-shirt, rough stubble beneath her lips, calloused texture of his fingers on her face and resting lightly along her throat just above her pulse.
"Beautiful," he murmured as his hands smoothed down her back and he pressed closer urging her legs around his hips as he lifted her into his arms. She pressed her face into the hollow of his neck and breathed in his unique scent. Wild, male and delicious; it soothed her.
Despite her bravado she was fragile as china; for reasons neither of them had ever understood she was vulnerable to him when so few had been able to wound her. He moved across the room and lowered her to her bed sliding his leg between hers, and she felt the hard evidence of his desire against her. She instinctively moved against him, and he groaned again.
"You're going to drive me totally crazy, aren't you?" he muttered against her lips. Her heart pounding a mile a minute, she shook her head.
"Not me. I don't have that kind of power."
"You greatly underestimate yourself," he said in a wry voice and pulled back to yank his shirt over his head before kissing her again.
Heat roared through her. She loved the taste of him, and he touched her as if he knew exactly what would take her breath away and make her heart pound. She felt the buttons on her blouse give and drift open. Clark's mouth traveled down her throat over her chest, his warm, avid mouth a vivid counterpoint to the softness of his lips and the rasp of lace against her skin.
A delicious combination of shock and desire coursed through her. She didn't have time to react before he skimmed one of his hands up her leg to her panties. She let her fingers drift over the bare skin of his chest and over his belly fumbling slightly with his zipper as she found her way between his skin and jeans. A few moves left them both without clothes; she gazed at him for a moment and closed her eyes, scared, yet full of wanting, then opened her eyes and met his gaze when he moved no further.
"I want you."
His eyes lit with dark fire, and he took her mouth, took her body and took the part of her heart she had managed to keep from him. He made love to her with fierce gentleness, seducing her response. He kissed her mouth and throat, caressed her breasts until she whimpered. He pressed his open mouth to her belly, she gasped; his damp mouth was like fire, his breath feathering across her skin like a slow, burning caress. She felt his hesitation in his touch, he held himself taut as a whipcord as though afraid of hurting her; his touch uncertain and ardently untutored.
"Touch me," she said on a ragged breath.
"Where?" he rasped as he nuzzled her belly, grazed her soft flesh with his teeth, laved her with his tongue. "How?"
She heard the hint of indecision in his question and let her legs fall further open in invitation as her fingers raked through his curls. Without a word he brushed his lips over her core and she bucked against him when his tongue grazed her clit. Despite his request for her to tell him what she wanted, he didn't need any instruction listening to the way her breath caught in her chest and the harried racing of her heart he finessed her with a lazy, rhythmic skill that kept her on the razor sharp precipice of release and made her restless and wild.
He deepened his exploration with two thick fingers his mouth closing over the tip of one breast; the breathtaking sensations went to her head in a dizzying rush, her legs quivered and went weak, and she cried out as pure, fiery bliss engulfed her.
He lifted her hips and surged forward, filling her to overflowing before she'd reached the crest of her climax. Her back came off the bed as she took him in, his possession forcing a low moan from her throat as she curled against him his possession swift and shocking.
"Faster than a speeding bullet," she gasped against his throat and he chuckled.
"Lets just hope I don't levitate," he said wryly as he moved within her, slow at first, then faster, his hips pumping, straining, lifting her higher, until the only thing she was aware of was him inside her, filling her completely and she forgot to ask about the levitation.
This was what he'd been looking for; this total, complete abandonment, a chance to let go of all his rigidly controlled barriers. All he could concentrate on was his desire for the woman beneath him, and his need to possess her. The swell of emotion as their bodies melded then parted, only to meld again overwhelmed his instinctive need for secrecy and he felt a part of himself take flight. The overwhelming sense of being outside himself as his soul reached out for something he wouldn't dare hope for at any other time caused him to clutch Chloe desperately seeking an anchor.
He whispered her name into her hair over and over like a mantra and the desperate broken sound of the word on his lips tightened steel bands round her heart. For a sweet few moments she forgot she was his second choice and let herself believe if only for a second that he wouldn't break her heart.
Clark's hand grasped her hips almost roughly, holding her still as he bucked against her once, twice, and then toppled her over the other side of the swirling wash of color, following shortly thereafter. He shuddered and groaned her name one last time, a possessive sound of utter male satisfaction that rocked her entire world. He shifted onto his back beside her and pulled her close.
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