"PICTURES OF YOU" ~ AMY
November 10, 2001
Lex went to Metropolis today - he was taking Hudson to see `Phantom of the Opera'. Not that she deserves it. Doesn't he understand that she doesn't care about him the way that I do? She's just using him so she can be popular at school and in town. Ever since people started hearing about her and Lex being friends, they all talk about her now and people want to be friends with her, thinking they can get something out of it because of who she knows. And she's so righteous, thinking she's All That because Lex calls her a friend. I hope when he watches POTO today he sees the connection between Hudson and Christine. She'll use him for her popularity and then cast him aside for some stupid farm boy. In all of the years that my parents have worked for Lex, I've seen it over and over again. Women come and go in his life and they all treat him like dirt and never see how special he really is. I'm the only one that knows. Why can't he understand that? He needs me. It's so obvious. It's not fair. I've known Lex longer than any of them. I help my mother prepare some of his meals and make his bed and clean his house and I see and hear things that the rest don't get to because I've been here longer - and yet I'm not the one he calls girlfriend. Or even friend. Hudson is so full of herself because she is friends with Lex, sharing Sunday afternoons with him watching movies and playing pool. I helped mom one Sunday by taking them their lunch. "Make it special." Lex had smiled to my mother in the kitchen. "Hudson will be over. She likes tacos. With white corn shells and everything on them." I brought the tray with their plates, and a Coke for Hudson, to them. They were watching `Return of the Jedi', and she was stretched out on her stomach on the floor in front of the couch where Lex was sitting. I set the tray down on the buffet behind the couch and watched them for a moment. He kept tapping her in the side with his foot, and she squirmed, and told him to stop, and he would deny doing anything, saying it was her fault for laying where she was. I hated her more than ever at that moment. Lex, why can't you see that I'm the only one who will ever love you the way that you deserve? I know we could make this work if you would just give us a chance!
November 12, 2001
Today Troy grabbed my diary and read it. The troll. He'll probably tell everyone in school about my love for Lex but I don't care. They don't understand. They can't. Lex and I were meant to be and nothing is going to stand in the way of that - not even the Tramp. I just met her. I think she's British or something. I should be used to the line of sluts that move in and out of Lex's life but I just can't be. Doesn't he see how much it hurts me? One day, Lex will realize and he will be so sorry and he'll hold me and apologize and kiss me and take me somewhere exotic where the two of us can be alone so he can make it all up to me. I did get a little revenge in, though. I dumped the tea I was bringing them all over her pants. Her name's Victoria but I would prefer to refer to her as She Who Cannot Be Named, like in that movie `The Mummy' with Brendan Fraser, who is almost as cute as Lex but not quite. Anyway, I think she is the Bringer of Death and Destruction and Doom and all of that just like Imhotep. Lex said she is going to be staying awhile. It sucks. Though maybe this will mean I don't have to see as much as Hudson. Ha! See how she likes it for once! When I was helping mom clean last night, I found one of Lex's watches. It was sitting out in the study. I took it. Maybe it's wrong of me but it's a little part of him that I can now keep close. He wears it a lot and the band kind of smells like the bottle of cologne I lifted from his bathroom the other day. I'm going to wear it and then it'll be just like we're dating! He has so many watches, I don't think he'll miss it. Mom got a little mad that I was in the house. She doesn't understand, either. She told me that I had to `know my place'. I do know my place! It's beside Lex, as his confidant. And one day I'll be there, she'll see, and then she can move in too, and Jeff and dad and we'll all live in the castle, instead of the servant's quarters, and Lex and I will be so happy!
November 13, 2001
Hudson was back last night. Making a delivery though. Sometimes I tell myself she's just the `help', like mom and dad. She's not really so important to Lex. Well, at least right now, since the tramp moved in. He's been ordering all of these white tulips for She Who Cannot Be Named. I think they're hideous - just like she is! If there is one good thing about Hudson, it's that I don't have to watch her and Lex kissing. They're kissing all of the time. And they don't even notice when I'm there. Or don't care. She Who Cannot Be Named doesn't like me at all. It could be because she knew I spilled that tea on her on purpose. Not that I care. I wish it had been scalding hot and that I had spilled it on her face! That would teach her. She acts as if she owns Lex or something. I HATE HER!! There is no way that either of them could ever understand what a special person he is. They don't watch him late at night when he is sitting alone in the study, thinking no one is around. They don't see how sad he looks, how lonely. When I watch him, I think how happy I could make him if he would just give me the chance. Maybe I'm young now, but one day, when I'm older, Lex will notice me, and he'll realize I've always been here for him, when all of the rest simply forgot. Then he will understand how much I love him and have always loved him. And he's always loved me too. PS - Mom and I just got back from cleaning the room of She Who Cannot Be Named. Someone went in there and totally destroyed it, painted glow in the dark paint on it and stuff. I was laughing. Mom thought it was vandals. Considering it is a castle, I think it might be a ghost. Like Lex's mom. She probably hates She Who Cannot Be Named too and wants her to go away. Maybe Lex will see that soon.
November 14, 2001
I just caught She Who Cannot Be Named listening at the door to the Weapon's Room. Mom said that Lex's dad was here and she was preparing dinner and I wanted to go be near Lex because he's always so sad when Mr. Luthor comes by. But then I saw her standing outside the door, listening! I knew she was a total bitch! I just knew it!! I was so angry I wanted to scream at her and hit her and tell her to get out and leave Lex alone but I couldn't so I just left. Jeff knows what a horrible person she is. He is the only one who seems to understand that Lex and I belong together. Oh, Lex. Why can't you see it, too? I love you so much!!
November 15, 2001
I saw Hudson in the Beanery today and I actually stopped to talk to her. I don't think she likes She Who Cannot Be Named anymore than I do but she won't admit it. I asked her what she thought of her and she used some lame excuse about not knowing her very well. She probably doesn't want me to see how jealous she is or something. I told her that I had been helping my mom clean last night in Lex's room when actually I had been looking through his clothes in his closet. I love it in there. It smells just like him and his clothes feel so nice. I was thinking about taking one of his purple shirts to keep, he has a lot anyway. But then She Who Cannot Be Named walked in and I hid. She was going through his drawers and stuff. I told Hudson about it, thinking she might know something more. She just seemed to want to know what I was doing there. Her jealousy knows no bounds. Now that She Who Cannot Be Named is around, Lex doesn't invite Hudson over. He doesn't go to her farm. So I get to see Lex more than Hudson does. Ha! Now if only the other one would leave. PS - I was in the house again and Lex and She Who Cannot Be Named were out. So I went into his room to look around again, see if maybe I could discover what the tramp was after. I found the weirdest thing. There's a case under Lex's bed and I found the key to open it. Inside were all of these pictures of Hudson, including articles of her in the paper with some of the things she had done around town like when she saved his life and junk. And a ticket stub from `Phantom of the Opera' was in there. There were also some movie ticket stubs from the past few months. Isn't that weird? I mean, I know she's his friend and all but what is it that Lex sees in Hudson? She's not that great. She doesn't love him. She's using him. Just like all of the rest. What do I need to do to make him understand? He just keeps hurting himself. I could make him so happy. He loves me. I know he does. He just hasn't come to terms with it yet. When he talks to me, it's like I'm the only person that matters in the world. He makes me feel special. No one else notices me but Lex does. Proof that he loves me.
November 16, 2001
Last night someone tried to drown She Who Cannot Be Named!! I still say it's the ghost of Lex's mother. Hudson had to be her typical heroic self and save her though. What is her issue?? That's proof enough that she doesn't care about what happens to Lex. I've told her the tramp is up to no good but instead she seems to want to see Lex get hurt. PS - Lex and Hudson are here in the Beanery. Earlier I said that I think Hudson wants to see Lex get hurt. Now I wonder. Maybe she is just trying to secure her spot in his life or something. Saving She Who Cannot Be Named makes her seem all sweet and caring and junk. But certainly Lex sees through that?? It's just B.S. God, he is so cute. I said hi to him and he said hi back and acted really surprised and happy to see me. He's wearing a pale blue shirt today and his usual black coat and pants. He's smiling a lot. I think it is because the tramp is gone. He said she would be back in a few days though and that sucks. He tried to tell me she wasn't that bad but he doesn't know that she is going to hurt him just like all of the others. He seems to want love so badly he ignores the fact that most people don't really care. I wonder if I can snatch his coffee cup after he leaves...
November 20, 2001
I miss him terribly. It hurts to write anymore because I look back at all of the previous pages and realize how much I took for granted living there, seeing him everyday. Now all I have are the Metropolis papers and the hopes that they will continue to print his picture and stories about him. I wonder if, in a few months, he would mind if I wrote to him? Certainly, Lex will begin to miss me soon. We'll start writing and then visiting and everything will be better. He found out about the watch. I think Hudson tipped him off somehow, though I don't know how she knew. Maybe she saw it at school. I hate her. I hate her so much. She did it just to send me away, to have Lex all to herself so she can hurt him and I won't be able to warn him. And he doesn't see. He can't see that she is no different from the rest. Now he'll be at the mercy of the tramp and Hudson and there will be no one there to save him. Something is wrong with Jeff. Mom and dad won't tell me the details but something happened after we left and now Jeff is in the hospital. They don't know when he will be coming home. I hope he didn't hurt Lex. I know my brother was angry that we were being sent away - he's always understood my love for Lex - but hopefully he didn't hurt Lex. After all, Lex doesn't understand what's best for him. He fights against it. Someday, when I graduate, maybe I can get a job for LuthorCorp and Lex and I will be reunited. He'll have missed my understanding and he'll see my love for him. Everything will be better. And by then, Hudson will have moved on and left him hurting and, as always, I will be there to pick up the pieces. Until then, I will simply have to watch over him from afar and never let him forget how much he is loved.
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